Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
“Fuck him girl, hit me.” Audre hit the punch mitt her friend and gym partner Jenelle was holding up. They were in a boxing class at their fitness club, they met there three times a week to take the class, it was the only way they could ensure they both would bother to show up. “Come on girl I know you can hit me harder than that.”
“I’m not feeling it J.”
“Audre, you better hit this damn mitt.”
“Come on ladies, push the tempo, push the tempo.” The instructor walked by trying to encourage her, but Audre couldn’t concentrate on the task at hand.
“Audre, look at me. This is Greg’s head right here, tell him what you want to say and then take his head off.” Audre, hit a little harder.
“You suck Greg.” She hit harder.
“Okay that was weak! You can do better than that. This man just proposed to some other woman after seven years of bullshit. Stand up for yourself Audre! What do you want to say to me, I‘m Greg what do you want to tell me?”
“I want to say. . .How could you start dating someone a month after we broke up! I mean supposedly it takes like three months for every year, right?” She hit the glove harder. “So your ass should be mourning me for like almost two years.” She hit it even harder, as Jenelle back away. “But it’s only been a month and your already with that bitch.” She slammed her glove into the mitt. “That gorgeous, intelligent perfect bitch with mile long legs.
And then you brought her to the wedding. You knew I was going to be there and you just completely disregards my feelings. And you doesn’t even have the balls to call me yourself.” Audre kept hitting out, tears blurring her vision. “And then you purposes to her! I was with you Greg for seven gotdamn years you’re with her for five minutes and now all the sudden you’re ready to settle down. Now you’ve found true fucking love. Yeah right, the only true love you’ve ever found is with your own bitch ass. Why didn’t you want me, what the fuck is wrong with me. Fuck you Greg, Fuck you Fuck you!” Audre hit the glove so far it sent Jenelle falling backwards to the floor. She broke out her trance, everyone was staring out her like she had just escaped from the local loony bin.
“I’m sorry.” She bent over to help Jenelle to her feet. The instructor looked at her for a moment. Then shrugged an walked away.
“Okay, switch partners.” Jenelle smiled as they switched.
“Good girl. Okay my turn. Can you pretend to be my boss?”
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Audre laid on the couch of her condo, a pint of Haggen Daz Carmel Waffle Cone ice cream in her hands. She knew every bite erased all of her efforts in boxing class but she didn’t really give a fuck it was either the ice cream or the tequila and since she had to go to work tomorrow, the tequila was not an option. She flipped through the television channels looking for something to make her feel better. After watching a mini marathon of Snapped, she decided it was in her best interest to find a show not about women killing their spouses.
Tonight on say yes to the dress one bride finds the perfect wedding dress click
We have exclusive pictures from the Hollywood wedding of the year click
On this very special edition of wife swap click
We’ve all run into our ex-girlfriend and her new boyfriend, unfortunately most men are not equipped to deal with an intimidating situation especially if it was a horrible breakup. Audre sat up, watching the tv host intently, her curiosity peaked. Like a normal man, if you girlfriend was the one that broke up with you, you may still feel bad about yourself. Well I’m here to give you the keys to waging sweet revenge on the spouse who seemed to have moved on way too quickly. Get ready to take notes. Audre set down her ice cream and picked up her notepad even though she wasn‘t a guy (and she had broken up with Greg) she was still interested in waging sweet revenge.
Okay step number one: Get your ass in shape. That’s right guys, get rid of the love handles, put down the beer and join a gym. She shrugged she was already doing that. And don’t undermine all your hard work by eating everything in your refrigerator as soon as you get home. She looked guiltily at the empty pint of ice cream, okay so she won’t be doing that again.
Step two: Become a better person. Get in touch with your spirituality, pick up a hobby. it’s a great time to find out what makes you tick.
Step three: Step out of your comfort zone. Force yourself to do something crazy. Something you’ve always wanted to do but never did. Go sky-diving, or bungee jumping, or get a tattoo.
Step four: Do something that you wanted to do when you were with your girlfriend but she wouldn’t let you. If you wanted to grow a beard or hair out, now’s the time to go for it.
Step five: Make a list of what your life would be like in it’s most optimal state. Where would you be living, what would you be doing for a living, what would your life look like today. If it’s not consistent with where you actually are then change it! Now’s the time to start over make sure you’re doing exactly what you want to be doing and getting what you want to be getting out of life.
Step six: Don’t be bitter. People who sit around feeling sorry for themselves look like pathetic losers and who wants to be around a pathetic loser? A charming man attracts women, so cultivate your charm.
Step seven: Become a sex machine. Now that you’re single again you’re free to experience all the beautiful women out there of all shapes, sizes and colors. Love em all, and improve your sexual and seduction skills. Learn the art of pleasing a woman and know what it is that pleases you.
Step eight: Make sure she knows, otherwise the revenge won’t be very sweet!
Step nine: Succeed in life. The ultimate revenge is living well. Motivate yourself to be a success personally, socially, and financially. The next time your ex sees you make her realize that losing you was the biggest mistake of her life.
Audre stared down at the list on her pad. It wasn’t exactly the revenge she was looking for (she was thinking stuff more along the lines of subscribing to weird sex magazines in your ex’s name and have them sent to his house) still she guessed it made sense. Maybe it was time to start doing some external and internal house cleaning after all.