Cassie rode in silence with the detectives to the medical examiner’s office where she viewed Christian’s lifeless body over closed circuit television. He looked so cold on the slab, nothing like he had the previous night. She traced his facial features over the screen and held back a sob.

“That’s him, that’s Christian.” She whispered.

The detectives led her out of the office and into the chilly New York City air.

“In order to find out what happened, we need you to tell us about Christian,” said the detective who led Cassie out of the building, she could not remember his name.

Cassie shook her head, “I can’t do this right now. Not tonight. Can I, can I come in the morning?”

“Of course, do you need us to take you home?”

“No I can manage.”

Cassie arrived back at her apartment, alone. The space felt emptier than it had before she left, before her world shattered into so many pieces. Curling up on the couch, Cassie cried until there were no tears left. The tears she shed were twofold. One, Christian was dead; he wasn’t coming back. Two, the last time she saw him they argued. It wasn’t one of their normal fights that ended in mind blowing makeup sex. It was the last fight. There was such finality in it all, and they could never take back the words they had said to each other.

The Previous Night 

It was late. Cassie turned off the lights and put up her notebook. She wasn’t expecting him to come by when he buzzed her apartment. At first, Cassie planned to ignore the annoying sound coming from the intercom by her door. She went to her room and got into bed. But when the buzzing did not stop, she dragged herself from under the covers to find out who was trying to get her attention.

“What?” She asked annoyed as she leaned into the button that allowed her to speak with whoever was outside.

“Cass, Cass it’s me let me in.”

Putting on a robe and slippers, she made her way downstairs to the front door. It was dark in the apartment building’s entry way. Cassie was not able to see him, but she knew Christian was there. She always knew when he was near. She was able to sense him; it was her special gift.

“What are you doing here? It’s late.” She asked. Cassie allowed him to come into the building.

“I needed to see you,” he said.

“That’s nice, but you couldn’t wait until morning?” Cassie pulled herself out of his arms before beginning the walk back to her apartment

“It can’t wait. I can never wait. You’re my addiction.”  He smiled eerily and followed Cassie up the stairs.

She turned the light on in her apartment, sat down and closed her eyes. “What is so important that it couldn’t wait until tomorrow?”

He stood silently and just looked at her. He wanted her, needed her in a way he never needed anyone else. Christian opened his mouth to speak, but Cassie interrupted him before he could finish.

“What the hell is all over your clothes?” She had just noticed he was filthy. As she peered closer, she began to realize what it was.

Christian recognized the look of horror in her eyes. He looked from her to his clothes. Trying to wipe it off would be no use; it would just stain his hands.

“Christian, are you hurt?” she asked, getting up from her position on the couch and walking over to him. Her hands hovered over his shirt. She did not want to touch him for fear that she might make his injuries worse.

“It’s not my blood Cass.” He grabbed her hands and held them in his own.

When it dawned on her what he was trying to say, Cassie tried to pull away. “What the hell did you do?”

“Cassie please,” he begged squeezing her hands.

 Cassie ripped her hands out of his grip and slowly backed away before turning her back to him. “Christian you promised. You said you were done with it, with this particular line of work.”

Never once, in the eight years they had known each other, had she asked exactly what he did, or how he was able to afford half of the stuff he bought. But Cassie always had her suspicions. He was built like a killer. So much power was stored in his muscles. Sometimes Cassie wondered what would happen if he ever lost control.

“I can explain Cass.”

“Why did you come here? What do you expect me to do, hide you from the police? I won’t lie for you”

“Damn it Cassie shut up and let me explain.” Christian yelled throwing his hands in the air.

“Right, you have an excuse. You always had an excuse before why should now be any different?”

Christian was seething as he stared Cassie down. This was not how the night was supposed to go.

“Was it all some big charade, your new job as a ‘security specialist’?” Cassie questioned.

“I had a job, have a job, one that is legal. Two years, Cassie, two years I’ve stayed away from it all. No new jobs, no new hits, it’s just been security for a firm, a legit job Cassie.”  He was lying to her. He hated lying to her.

Cassie voiced her concern about his profession two years earlier. All she asked of him was to keep his line of work out of her life. Instead, Christian told her he would stop altogether. He would work and live within society’s standards. His new lease on life was supposed to be centered on her, his Cassie. It was supposed to just be Christian and Cassie.

“Which is why you come here, covered in someone else’s blood, right your legitimate job? Whose blood is all over you Christian?” Cassie yelled.

“That’s not important,”

“Not important, not important?! Explain to me how it’s not important. How any of this is not important. How long?”

“Cassie,”

“How long have you been back in business?”

Christian closed his eyes and slowly shook his head. He did not want to tell her; it would only make things worse. He never wanted to hurt her; it was always the last thing in his head. Tonight was supposed to be the last time. It was supposed to go smoothly; no one was really supposed to get hurt, not this time.

“I couldn’t take the low pay Cass, it wasn’t I was used to.”

“So you lied to me just now, the sudden influx of cash wasn’t a raise was it?” Cassie asked. “I knew, oh god I knew. But I didn’t want to believe it because you promised me.”  

Christian’s appearance at her apartment confirmed what her heart tried to ignore for the past few months.

“It started out as a job here and there. Mostly I was intimidation.”

“Right, someone’s going to hire an experienced hit man for intimidation only.”

“In the beginning I told you who I am. I told you I live outside the law. You knew what you were getting into.” Christian said.

“No, I didn’t. By the time I figured it out, it was too late. I was already too far in your pull, stuck in orbit around you.” Cassie said. She finally sat down. “You promised me. I thought … I honestly don’t know what to do any more Christian.” She bowed her head and fought the tears that were threatening to fall.

The couple remained silent for a while before either moved or said anything. Cassie closed her eyes.

Cassie snorted, “I always thought it was ironic.”

“What’s ironic Cassie?”

“Your name, Christian. You’re entire person is a lethal weapon.”

“Cassie,”

“But what type of person does that make me? I fell in love with a murderer, and I’ve ignored it for so long. I tried to make excuses, tell myself that what I suspected, couldn’t be true.” She lifted her head to look him in the eye. “This has to end, really end. You can’t lie to me anymore Christian. I can’t have you here if you’re going to lie to me.”

“You’re right I can’t lie to you anymore. But I can’t not be who I am either Cass. I’m done trying to be who you think I should be.”

“Then we’re through. It’s over, for real this time.” Cassie stated.

Christian nodded his head.

“Then, I think you should go.” Cassie stood up from where she was seated and left him alone in her living room.

I can’t believe what you said to me

Last night we were alone.

You threw your hands up,

Baby you gave up, you gave up