Penname: Cholyn [Contact]

Real name: Brandy

Member Since: 20/09/09

Membership status: Member

Bio:

Lilies

 




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Reviews by Cholyn


Retired
Caution by Candice Caine
Rated: Members ONLY: 17 and Older
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[Reviews - 675]
Summary:

 

 

Miss. Innocent meets Mr. Dangerous.

Who says love has to be soft and gentle?

*****

Caution is an original work of fiction written by C.C. Please do not copy and paste this story to any other websites. 

 

Beautiful banner by: The Queen, Missus James!!



Table of Contents
Categories: Original Fiction
Characters: Original Character(s)
Classification: None
Genre: Comedy , Drama, Erotica, Family, Romance
Story Status: Completed
Pairings: Male/Female
Warnings: Adult Situations, Extreme Language, Original Characters, Strong Sexual Content , Un-betaed
Series: La Famiglia
Chapters: 33
Completed:Yes
Word count: 165
Read Count: 136399
Published: 27/11/10
Updated: 21/06/11

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Title: Chapter 5: First Meeting

Gianni is so cocky! I can't wait until she break him. lol

Gianni is dressed like one of the guys from the Jersey Shore. Kam should look him up and down and say, I'm sorry, but I know 'The Situation' and you are not him, so please return his wardrobe.



Author's Response: I am over her cracking up!!!!!!!! LMFAO!

 Reviewer: Cholyn Signed starstarstarstarhalf-star
Date: 30/11/10
Title: Chapter 4: Two Different Views

Why were those fool listening to Gianni? He needs to shut up, and they need to find someone else to worship. 

Kam keep your legs closed and your eye on the prize...a Tony, and not your friend. lol

I love the new direction. :D  



Author's Response:

LMAO, YOU ARE TOO MUCH!

THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR THE HELP! :)

 Reviewer: Cholyn Signed starstarstarstarhalf-star
Date: 30/11/10
Title: Chapter 3: Who Better Than Me To Do It?

LOL @ Chris wanting his birthday gift. 

I hope Gianni is a full out asshole this time. One of my other issues with WTHW, is that Gianni's abrupt change. I hope his progress is slow.    



Author's Response:

Chris is a hot mess! LOL!

& I saw my mistakes in the W.T.H.W. so, I will definitely take this story at a much slower pace.

 Reviewer: Cholyn Signed starstarstarstarhalf-star
Date: 27/11/10
Title: Chapter 2: Opening Night

You're writing has improved, and I like that Kam has a different career. I also like that she seems to have a more stable family. 

However, I'm curious as to why you decided to revamp Gianni's and Kambree's story, when you could have used new characters? If this is a different story, why not test your creativity and write something new?  

I hope that this story is more character driven, and less plot driven. What the heart wants was all  plot with very little substance,  and it lacked serious character development. I think you have a good ideas, but unfortunately your plots lack the strong foundation needed to write a multi-plot story. My only advice would be to keep it simple, don't write a bunch of subplots that serve no real purpose other than shock value.  If you want to do a multi-plot story, then you need to slow down and take your time with the story. It will give your story a better flow.

 



Author's Response:

I still wanted it to be those two characters for some reason. They are still what I have in mind from the start so, I couldn't bring myself to change them.

There will be no mini-plots popping up anywhere! I don't have the strength to do that again, LOL! Thanks for the advice! :)

 Reviewer: Cholyn Signed starstarstarstar
Date: 27/11/10
Title: Chapter 26: Can't Hold Us Down, Part 1

"I know y'all fools see my ass up in here!" Chris yelled.

LMAO!!  



Author's Response: Leave it up to him!

 Reviewer: Cholyn Signed starstarstarstarhalf-star
Date: 22/12/10
Title: Chapter 16: Lies

Lamar is a SOB! I really hope he get his ass handed to him...by Kambree's lawyer. She could sue his ass for deformation of character. It would be nice, and I'd enjoy it, if Gianni to beat him to a pulp. However, it wouldn't solve anything other than making Kam look guilty of the accusations Lamar leveled at her. Naw, Lamar needs to be slapped with a $25m law suit. 

Author's Response: Lol, oh, lord! Lamar is in some mess!

 Reviewer: Cholyn Signed starstarstarstar
Date: 12/12/10
Title: Chapter 28: Can't Hold Us Down, Part 3

The tape won't work, it will be proven easily that the tape is new and a drug test will prove that she was drugged. I really hope Lamar tries, but doesn't succeed, because Kam being raped would start a new arch that would have to be handled extremely carefully. 

Author's Response: I agree.

 Reviewer: Cholyn Signed
Date: 25/12/10
Title: Chapter 31: Becoming One

Good job sweetie. I'm happy that you went this route, it felt more natural. 

 



Author's Response: Thanks so much! :)

 Reviewer: Cholyn Signed starstarstarstarhalf-star
Date: 26/12/10
Title: Chapter 14: Make Believe or Is It Real?

Ya falling in love fool!

Author's Response: Lol, he's acting simple now!

 Reviewer: Cholyn Signed
Date: 10/12/10
Title: Chapter 12: Opening Up

I hope Lamar's story is only a few lies, and not some random family secrets. 

I'm happy Kam's resisting and I hope we learn why she's so into Gianna.  



Author's Response: Stay tuned! :)

 Reviewer: Cholyn Signed
Date: 09/12/10
Title: Chapter 11: First Outting

Stay strong Kam. It's okay to be submissive, just remember that you are in charge. LOL

Gianni is already falling. I can't wait until Kam learns about his scheme. I know she will forgive him, but that will not deter me from enjoy his brief moment of pain.

Stay steady! :D  



Author's Response: Lol, oh lord.

 Reviewer: Cholyn Signed starstarstarstarhalf-star
Date: 08/12/10
Title: Chapter 10: E! News Report

It looks like Gianni may have bitten off more than he can chew. 

Author's Response: I believe so lol!

 Reviewer: Cholyn Signed starstarstarstar
Date: 08/12/10
Title: Chapter 30: Things Happening

I don't understand the Derek stuff. I get why Derek is angry, but Gianni never really let him say his peace. I still hope Derek doesn't do anything stupid. 

Lamar is a jackass, Kam better call the cops first! She needs to prove that Lamar attacked her, if she goes to Gianni it will not look good for her. They could say Gian hit her and she's trying to protect Gianni.    



Author's Response: Gianni is stubborn I guess!

 Reviewer: Cholyn Signed starstarstarstar
Date: 25/12/10
Body Manifesto by Poppy Velour
Rated: 17 and older
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[Reviews - 3]
Summary: An INCEPTION fanfic...Desperation thrived in certain blood. As well as in the obsession for old haunts. Cobb, newly rehabilitated and a reinvented man, after functioning in the real world he is again spirited away into the very depths of a one-time life. With a fresh conquest in sight, it is established that the team’s overconfident decadence may jeopardize the mission as the Mark fails to submit to the ease of a routine extraction...

Table of Contents
Categories: Movies
Characters: None
Classification: Cannon
Genre: Drama
Story Status: On hiatus indefinitely
Pairings: None
Warnings: Dark Fic
Series: None
Chapters: 2
Completed:No
Word count: 4017
Read Count: 835
Published: 22/12/10
Updated: 24/12/10

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Title: Chapter 1: The Blood is Temporary

I've been wanting to read an inception fanfic, although one staring JGL. He was just so sexy in the movie, lol.

I'm a little confused about Evelyn's life, intrigued, but confused. I hope you clear it up in the next chapter.

You have a wonderful way with words.  

Thanks for sharing.  

 Reviewer: Cholyn Signed starstarstarstarhalf-star
Date: 22/12/10
He Loves Me. He Loves Me Not? by THarrington
Rated: Teen or Above
starstarstarstarhalf-star
[Reviews - 11]
Summary:

Banner by Quania2004

 

Ellie “Eli” Brooks is a young girl that has reached a crossroad. She is in love with the most popular boy in school and is even carrying his child. The problem? She’s 16 and he’s dating her enemy.



Table of Contents
Categories: Original Fiction
Characters: Original Character(s)
Classification: None
Genre: Comedy , Drama, Romance
Story Status: None
Pairings: None
Warnings: Adult Situations, Drugs/Drug Use, Extreme Language, Original Characters, Racism, Work in Progress
Series: None
Chapters: 1
Completed:No
Word count: 2467
Read Count: 2942
Published: 29/12/10
Updated: 29/12/10

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Title: Chapter 1: The Wicked Bitch of the Westside

What state does this story take place in? I'm asking because of the "Slavery was abolished in 1846" line? I know that slavery was abolished in many northern states, before the Emancipation Proclamation was put into effect in 1862, although it only dealt with the states of rebellion.

Anyhow, a nice start, although from your summary I thought the lead would already be pregnant. The pregnancy may have been used as a plot device, as a way to make the story even juicer, but the reader already knows that it's coming. So why have the lead get pregnant at all, especially since Eli basically said she was no longer into Chad?  



Author's Response:

In the story I want to build up to the pregancy. It's not just a plot device because I want the audience to see how a teenager's life change because of a baby.

 Reviewer: Cholyn Signed starstarstarstar
Date: 30/12/10
In His Skin by AquaSoulSis aka LadyFangs
Rated: 17 and older
starstarstarstarstar
[Reviews - 117]
Summary:

She slept on through the night, even as he left.  He only looked back once as he walked out of the door. And when she awoke again in the morning, she found a diamond choker wrapped around her neck and an angry, red scratch on her breast. But he was gone.



Table of Contents
Categories: Movies
Characters: Storm/Ororo Munroe
Classification: Alternate Universe
Genre: Drama, Romance
Story Status: None
Pairings: Male/Female
Warnings: Adult Situations, Strong Sexual Content , Work in Progress
Series: None
Chapters: 12
Completed:No
Word count: 23616
Read Count: 14096
Published: 25/01/11
Updated: 11/04/11

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Title: Chapter 7: Chapter 7

I felt bad for Ororo. I can't imagine how cheap she felt once she'd realized he'd gone and left her with a choker for services rendered. Her anger was a thing of beauty 

 Reviewer: Cholyn Signed starstarstarstar
Date: 18/02/11
Title: Chapter 3: Chapter 3

This was a nice setup for the next chapter. For some reason I saw all of this as the cartoon, lol. I'm so happy that Xavier didn't read her thoughts.

Thanks for updating 



Author's Response: Well, at least you can picture the characters! That means my intent is coming across clearly, which is a good thing. Thank you for reading.

 Reviewer: Cholyn Signed starstarstarstar
Date: 28/01/11
Title: Chapter 4: Chapter 4

I am soo loving this story. The action scenes spring of the screen and the tension between the two leads is almost tangible. 

I wonder why he didn't kill her? 



Author's Response: Oh, its coming. Believe me. I dream these characters at night-- that's how invested I am in them!

 Reviewer: Cholyn Signed starstarstarstarhalf-star
Date: 28/01/11
Title: Chapter 5: Chapter 5

Oooh Victor and Logan are brothers. I think I knew that, but may have forgotten or perhaps I'm confused.

I really enjoyed the scene of how they first met. It was sexy and bit dangerous.

You did a good job capturing Logan. He told her some hard truths and I hope she listens.

Thanks for updating.  



Author's Response:

Yes, I used the "brothers" iteration from the Origins movie. Although, In another incarnation of this, I had them as father and son...but that seemed a bit creepy to me.

 I love Logan's character here. He's very rough, but he keeps it real. He doesn't BS. with her, and he told her the things she knew. This is what real friends do for you. You may not agree with them, but they do try to keep you from falling off a cliff.

 

Oh, and as for how they met...I just couldn't resist. :)

Reviewer: Cholyn Signed starstarstarstar
Date: 05/02/11
Title: Chapter 6: Chapter 6

Oooh excellent chapter! I soo wish this were a tri, even if I want Ro to end up with Victor. I also like that Ro and Logan are friends, but I'd like it even in more if deep down he had a little thing for her. Although you did allude to something like that in a previous chapter. 

I also like that Victor started to desire her, even before his memory returned.  



Author's Response:

You know, I know Logan has a thing for Jean. But in my mind, and partly on the things I'm basing this fic off of, it would never have worked. Although, as I think in future chapters you'll see, the relationship between Logan and Ororo is also very strong. Even if it's not necessarily "romantic" as she says in the story, if they weren't colleagues...and the place and time were different, they could have been something more.

 

And with Victor...he's a felinid. And most animals, even human babies, imprint. The reason he rememebers her- or at least recognizes her on some level, is because he  "marked" her in such a way- through scent and smell.

 

Humans do it too, although many of us don't realize that's what it is. It's how we can recognize certain people coming and going, just by the sound of footsteps or by a smell. Even if they don't say anything.

 

Thank you so much for reading this. I am so glad you're enjoying it.

Reviewer: Cholyn Signed starstarstarstarhalf-star
Date: 08/02/11
Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Good Start! I don't usually read X-men fanfics, but I was intrigued by the summary. 

Thanks for sharing!  



Author's Response: I am happy to have found this site to be able to share this story. Thank you so much.

 Reviewer: Cholyn Signed starstarstarstarhalf-star
Date: 25/01/11
Title: Chapter 2: Chapter 2

Awesome update. I'm really liking this story. The chapter was intense and it had a nice quick flow to it. Keep up the good work! 

 



Author's Response: I'm glad that intensity came through. I was trying to make it feel real. Thank you.

 Reviewer: Cholyn Signed starstarstarstarhalf-star
Date: 26/01/11
Title: Chapter 8: Chapter 8

Aww, I felt bad for Victor. The man lay his heart at her feet.

O boy, someone is serioulsy about to piss Victor off by effing with his woman.  

 



Author's Response: Yes he did. I admit, I did pull from personal experience with this particular part. But I really felt it was quite true to life, and given the way they separated, it wouldn't make sense for it to be any other way. :)

 Reviewer: Cholyn Signed starstarstarstarhalf-star
Date: 03/03/11
Title: Chapter 9: Chapter 9

Did Victor kill those people? I don't think he did, but I could be wrong. 

Aww, I love the way he watches her. You can tell that Victor really loves her.

Thanks for sharing!



Author's Response:

He watches her. He loves her, yes, but he's also realistic to know that there are things about himself that are incompatible with a "normal" relationship. Which sort of echos his inner struggle.

 

Thank you for keeping up with this. I appreciate it. and I am glad you are enjoying it.

 

 Reviewer: Cholyn Signed starstarstarstarhalf-star
Date: 11/03/11
Title: Chapter 10: Chapter 10

Excellent chapter! It was wonderfully written. 

 Reviewer: Cholyn Signed starstarstarstarhalf-star
Date: 28/03/11