Penname: Cholyn [Contact]

Real name: Brandy

Member Since: 20/09/09

Membership status: Member

Bio:

Lilies

 




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Reviews by Cholyn


Beast by Onimosity
Rated: 17 and older
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[Reviews - 1636]
Summary:

 

 Perhaps I have a little of the monster in me after all...

How much would you sacrifice for those you love? To save her father, Sunshine must give up the life she's longed for to a powerful gangster.

Can she go with him and keep herself?

 Beautiful and amazing banner courtesy of BlackMamba


Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.



Table of Contents
Categories: Original Fiction
Characters: None
Classification: None
Genre: Drama
Story Status: None
Pairings: Male/Female
Warnings: Adult Situations, Character Death, Dark Fic, Original Characters, Sexual Content , Strong Sexual Content , Un-betaed
Series: Beastly Things
Chapters: 43
Completed:Yes
Word count: 183149
Read Count: 419663
Published: 05/12/09
Updated: 22/03/10

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Title: Chapter 35: Around the Kinda Misery I Find Part 3

Well that was a long chapter. I enjoyed the conversation between Sunny and Royce. Sunny needed a different outlook, and I believe Roybe provided one.

That little snippet about Sergei was interesting. He and Sunny need to have a long talk, where he actually listens.

Thanks for sharing!

 Reviewer: Cholyn Signed starstarstarstar
Date: 22/02/10
Title: Chapter 43: Shine - Epilogue

I thoroughly enjoyed  this story. You are an excellent storyteller. The characters were vibrant and had their own personalitlies, each one distinctive from the other. I look forward to your new storie. It's so funny, because I was thinking that Anatoly should have his own story. lol, I really liked that character, even it's a short one. I think he deserves to have his story told. And Sergie, yes he most definately needs to have his own story. One where he truly learns what love is. I hope that he finishes school and find the life he want.

Did I not do it the right way? Should I have asked Mr. Stanislavsky for your hand?" LMAO I LOVED this part. It was so cute, you did a great job on that proposal. It seemed to fitting that she was the one who asked him.

Thank you for sharing your work, and I look forward to riding in the car again with you soon.

Cholyn

PS, Bring on the baby fic that should be hilarious. lol

 Reviewer: Cholyn Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 22/03/10
Title: Chapter 25: I'll Be Long Gone

Umm, Sergei wanting to smile when he saw Sunny crying was low. When you love someone, truly love someone, you can't smile or be happy when they are in pain. I've always liked Sergie, but I'm don't believe that he really loves Sunny. I know that he's happy that he has his shot, but he's an idiot if he thinks that Niki will just let him have her. Nikolai will burn down NYC before he lets Sunny ride off into the Sunset with Sergei.

I have loved this story, but this is the first that I didn't feel connected to the emotion of the story. I couldn't really feel Sunny's pain, and that was shocking. There was something off about this it, actually, this chapter didn't have the great emotional connection that your previous chapters have had.

I'm still looking forward to reading more of this tale, and I know that it will rock as per usual.

 

 Reviewer: Cholyn Signed starstarstarhalf-star
Date: 19/01/10
Title: Chapter 21: Cause I Am Me, the Universe and You

Well, I do believe that I remarked about something happening to Jacob in my last review. I could feel the build up in each section of this chapter.

It will be intersting to see Sunny and Nikolai out in public doing normal couple type things. Niki wants to marry Sunny, but I have a feeling that things between them are going to take a turn for the worst. I just hope that Niki doesn't let the dark take him.

It's good that Sergi is sort of seeing someone. He needs to give Nadia a chance, because he's still walking a very narrow tight rope.

Thanks for updating, and enjoy your vacation.

 Reviewer: Cholyn Signed starstarstarstarhalf-star
Date: 03/01/10
Title: Chapter 42: I've Made Up My Mind... to Let My Life Shine

I figured that Stanivlasky was moving some of Nikolia's responsibilities around. It's a good thing that he's the bosses son. People will not be so quick to worry about them.

I'm happy with the ending. I'm very happy that Sunny and Nikki will be together. I loved his reaction, when she said she loved him. It was as if he didn't believe that anyone could love him that he wasn't worth love. But then again, I guess with everything he'd been through, why should he believe it.

Sunny trusted her heart, sometimes we can't always have what we want, and other times we can.

 Reviewer: Cholyn Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 22/03/10
Title: Chapter 22: You Know There's No Need to Hide Away

Damn, that was a great ending! I thought that Jacob was going to die, but it looks like he will cause Sunny more heartache, and I don't just mean his death. Hmm, what was on that note???

Dude, so uncool, I need an update ASAP!! =))

I hope you enjoyed your vacation, because I really missed this story. lol

 Reviewer: Cholyn Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 13/01/10
Title: Chapter 41: ...And Make My Life Shine

Well, I am happy that Sunny didn't get shot. I feel bad for Nikki. I really do. I feel bad for Sunny, because even with everything she'd been through. She was still a bit naive.

I really like Prisilla and Stanislavsky, they were to excellent additions to this story.

Anatoly, I still like him, and sadly I hate that he's in this position. 

 Reviewer: Cholyn Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 22/03/10
Title: Chapter 40: I'm Gonna Get Up...

I knew Sunny was going to walk in on them. I REALLY hope the bullet didn't hit her. Although, I could honestly see her dying, and being taken form them. Well Sunny will get to see Nikki at his worst. Sergie pointing that gun at her was a huge mistake.

 Reviewer: Cholyn Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 12/03/10
Title: Chapter 33: Around the Kinda Misery I Find Part 1

I liked the structure, it went with the chapter, if that makes any sense.

Thanks for updating 

 

 Reviewer: Cholyn Signed starstarstarstar
Date: 14/02/10
Title: Chapter 17: We Are Building Bridges Part 2

I loved the dream aspect, it was so creepy. LOL

Thanks for updating.

 Reviewer: Cholyn Signed starstarstarhalf-star
Date: 22/12/09
Title: Chapter 28: Different From Tomorrow You'll See

Hmm what was up with Segei? Niki did set her free, and idk, maybe I'm naive, but he did let her go. As much as her being with anyone else would pain him. I believe in the end that he wouldn't hurt her that way again, because he knows that she would know. He can't stand to see her look at him in a bad light. So again, what was that crap with Sergei and even if it's true, who is he to say that to Jill.

I loved "I am not my Job." I also like that Niki told her that he would lie to her, if she asked him about what he did. I appreciate his candor, and that he's letting her know up front.

Jasmine told Sunny not to be afraid of the dark. Well if she wants to be in Niki's world, she will have to learn to light his dark from within. Although, I agree with some others that Niki's world isn't for Sunny.

Thanks for updating

Reviewer: Cholyn Signed starstarstarhalf-star
Date: 27/01/10
Title: Chapter 2: Satisfy this Hungriness

I liked it! I thought that they set up was done quite well. You had a few mistakes here and there, but nothing so harsh that it distracted from the flow of the story. I also like your writing style and the outline of the chapter.

 Good start.

 Reviewer: Cholyn Signed starstarstarstar
Date: 06/12/09
Title: Chapter 3: You Touch Me

I had a longer review but I lost it, so this one will be short.

I really like the characters. I like how you gave the brief synopsis of Nikolai's past and he belief in proverbs and sayings. He wants Sunshine to chase some of the darkness out of his world, but he could just as easily chase the light out of hers.

Sunshine is handling this situation the best way she can. She was smart to ask him the terms and how long she would be in his "service". She has also handled the situation better than most women would have.

Sergi, poor Sergi, I really like him, but I can already see him falling in love with Sunny and vice versa. Although, I could be wrong and she really falls for Nikolai.

Nikolai through Darla out like she was nothing, so I'm pretty sure she'll return to bite in the butt.

 

 Reviewer: Cholyn Signed starstarstarstarhalf-star
Date: 06/12/09
Title: Chapter 4: With your kiss my life begins

I heart Sergei, he's such a sweet heart. I'm really looking forward to seeing where this story is going to go. The ending was sad, the poor thing started her day on a happy note and has ended it on a sad one. I had a feeling that her father wouldn't get upset about her whoring herself out to pay his debt.

I like the pace of the story, it's not rushed or two slow. You seems to be more focused on unfolding the plot than giving the audience cheap thrills. I think when this story really gets going it will take off. 

Thanks updating!

Reviewer: Cholyn Signed starstarstarstar
Date: 06/12/09
Title: Chapter 5: We are creatures of the wind

I liked that she set the terms for their arrangement, and she's making him work for her. LOL I'm so confused as to what is going to happen. It's clear that Sergei is going to fall for her, but unclear as to whether it will be reciprocated. I get the feeling that there's a part of Sunny that likes Nikolai, then again she could also fall for Sergei, since they will be spending lots of time together in the future.

 I'm 99.9% sure that Nikolai's going to fall in love with her, and if that happens things will get truly interesting. Although, maybe if she does fall in love with Sergei and Nik finds out, he may just let them go. I only say that, because he's a man who's never been in love and if he learns to love, then maybe he will stick to his word leave the light in Sunny's life. If kills Sergei then he will kill Sunny. 

This story is all kinds of interesting, and I really like the pace. Although if you're not going to update everyday, youy may not want to give every miniscule detail.

Thanks for updating.

 Reviewer: Cholyn Signed starstarstarstarhalf-star
Date: 07/12/09
Title: Chapter 6: Wild is the Wind

I was so happy that you updated again today, that I had to do a double take. :D I was like NO WAY!! LOL 

I can only assume from the conversations and the fact that she's already gone to prom that she will be graduating within a few weeks? From the last chapter, I assumed it would be while before they had sex, because of the "I'm not the type of girl" comment. He did sort of sweep her off her feet in that chapter, so it's kind of understandable. You didn't do to bad with the sex scene, and I know from experience that they can be torture. I would concentrate on Sonny's dialogue during sex, because there was a line or two that came off a little cheesy.

I don't know if you're going to do a time jump with this fic, but it almost feels like at some point you're going to,  unless you intend to write this story for years. From the moment you started this story, and the set up throughout (Sergei being new, the terms, etc) it feels like this is telling how Niki and Sonny begin, but will show them at some poing years later. Then again, this fic could progress through time by months rather than jumping years? This story has a lot going for it, and it will take some time and planning to get it told evenly, but I'm sure you'll do great. :D

Thanks for updating so soon, I'm looking forward to the next one. 

 Reviewer: Cholyn Signed starstarstarstarhalf-star
Date: 07/12/09
Title: Chapter 7: Cling to me.

Damn. Pops is just ridiculous. I really hope that he gets some help. I love this story, becuase it has such a realness about it. There are so many men in the world like Pops, who are always looking for a quick fix in life. 

It felt as if a few anvils may have dropt in that chapter. Sunny being faithful and loyal to Niki and not running from him, are two things that could definately happen. If Sunny fall in love with him and she see's something truly violent in him, then I can definately see her running. Sergei and Sunny will be spending lots of time together, where she will probably help him become Americanized. I have no doubt Sergei will fall in love with her, but if the faithful part was an anvil, then his feeling will be reciprocated.  

Thank you for updating! I know that you are getting busy but please update soon.

 Reviewer: Cholyn Signed starstarstarstar
Date: 08/12/09
Title: Chapter 8: Let the Wind Blow through Your Heart Part I

Thanks for answering my question about the time jumps.

I felt so bad for Sergei when she said that he couldn't come and eat pizza with them on the last day. You really know how to bring the emotions through without doing anything really dramatic. I suppose it's because you give the reader such a sense of who the characters are, so it's easy to identify their emotions w/o some grande event happening.  

When Anatoly told Segei not to fall, I am 100% sure that he meant it to have a double meaning for his little brother.  I like Anatoly in this chapter, it's clear that he loves his brother and only wants the best for him.

Sunny likes Sergei, but she's trying hard no to. I also think that she likes Niki more than she's letting on, and it's nice that he can make her laugh.

Thank you for updating, and I'm off to part two.

 Reviewer: Cholyn Signed starstarstarstarhalf-star
Date: 10/12/09
Title: Chapter 9: Let the Wind Blow through Your Heart Part 2

Aww, is all the only thing I can say to that ending, because it was so sweet. It's now very clear that Niki has fallen for his Sunshine, and unless she's a great actress, she's falling for him. She may not be love with him now, but she sure is in lust with him. LOL

This story is going to progress nicely, and I can tell that when the drama really hits, it will be a time to duck and cover.

Thanks for updating! :D

 Reviewer: Cholyn Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 10/12/09
Title: Chapter 10: When I'm cold inside...You are warm and bright

In the words of Boys II Men, "Let it Snow" LOL

I loved how Nikolai couldn't breathe when she was unhappy with him. I also like that how he said that it would never happen in you're house again. I love that he hates to see her upset. I can't imagine what would happen if she came home upset about something someone did. He'd probably have that person tortured and then killed.

I hope her dad is on the road to recovery, because he has two children that need him.

Thanks for updating. 

 Reviewer: Cholyn Signed starstarstarstar
Date: 11/12/09
Title: Chapter 11: With your child's eyes ... You are more than you seem

Hmm, goody goody good. Sergei and Sunny, Sunny and Sergei, sigh, your muse is trying to get my little one killed. LMAO!! I love how she always includes him, it shows her compassion for others. She doesn't have to care that would have to sit in a hot car waiting on her for hours, but she does.

I loved how Niki handled Pops, everything he told him was the truth, and Pops knows it. The ending was very interesting, I can't even imagine what scheme Darla's going to concoct when she finds out who he is.

 Reviewer: Cholyn Signed starstarstarstar
Date: 12/12/09
Title: Chapter 12: The places you've been ...The things you have learned ...They sit with you so beautifully

I really liked the storying telling. Hmm, but that ending smells trouble. I hope that Sunny's feelings for Nikolai are genuine, because if he falls for her and she's playing the consequences could be deadly.

Thanks for updating

 Reviewer: Cholyn Signed starstarstarhalf-star
Date: 13/12/09
Title: Chapter 13: You know I tell the truth... We are just the same

I am still interested! :D

Well what a difference a year makes. Segei has gotten bold! He tells Nikolai that he never touches her on purpose and does exactly that by later covering her hand with his. Segei is a man in love, who wants to improve his lot for the woman he loves, by getting an education. It shows that he wants to be able to offer her something when her time with Niki is up. I have a bad feeling that Anatoly (who I like) told him the truth, and that when love is involved everything else takes the back seat. I hope Anatoly stays true to Nikolai, although, Sergei might be the one to fall.  LOL @ Anatoly trying to find fastest way to get home.

Sunny's feeling for Nikolai have grown and if her feelings continue to grow, she may decide to stay with him. This is break Sergei's heart, although, it seems that he knows that she has feelings for Nikolai.

 Her father is a piece of work, that man needs to just stay out of her life and let her do her time in peace.

Nikolia is most definately in love, and I don't see him ever letting her go. I appreciate the irony of his situation with Sunshine. He hates Jacob, because he knows without him she would be gone.

 

 Reviewer: Cholyn Signed starstarstarstarhalf-star
Date: 16/12/09
Title: Chapter 14: Making Holes in the Night

Segei is becoming obsessed. Niki has warned him and it will not be long before he has someone following them. I believe that both Segei and Niki will change. Sergei maybe become what Nikolai once was and attempt to take him out.

I like that Sunny wanted Nikolai's shoulder to cry on. She knows his smell and although she appreciated Sergei's gesture, she knew that he wasn't Niki. It's obvious that she is falling in love with him, and if doesn't screw it up, she will stay with him beyond the five years.

I loved the Nikolai and Jacob scene. I knew that Niki was going to go over there. He told Jacob some hard truths, it's unfortunate that Jacob didn't hear anything.

The next four years look promising, keep up the good work.

 Reviewer: Cholyn Signed starstarstarstarhalf-star
Date: 17/12/09
Title: Chapter 15: I can feel everything you do...Hear everything you say

It was nice to see Sunny happy and Jacob on the right track. Well, I hope it lasts, because it won't be long before Darla figures out a way to use him for her revenge.

Segei, you have been warned. I hope he listens to Anatoly. I found it interesting that he got jealous when he saw her lean in to the kiss. Hmm, I'm just wondering at the end of this will Segei be a changed man. He's in love with her, but that love could turn into obsession, which make men do crazy things. I hope he doesn't stab Nikolai in the back.

Nikolai, is a cruel in his work life and has some serious issues, but he's not a bad guy..well, at least not in this chapter. He didn't have to warn Anotoly about his brother, but he did, because they are friends.

Thanks for updating

 Reviewer: Cholyn Signed starstarstarstarhalf-star
Date: 20/12/09