Penname: Cholyn [Contact]

Real name: Brandy

Member Since: 20/09/09

Membership status: Member

Bio:

Lilies

 




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Reviews by Cholyn


Beast by Onimosity
Rated: 17 and older
starstarstarstarstar
[Reviews - 1636]
Summary:

 

 Perhaps I have a little of the monster in me after all...

How much would you sacrifice for those you love? To save her father, Sunshine must give up the life she's longed for to a powerful gangster.

Can she go with him and keep herself?

 Beautiful and amazing banner courtesy of BlackMamba


Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.



Table of Contents
Categories: Original Fiction
Characters: None
Classification: None
Genre: Drama
Story Status: None
Pairings: Male/Female
Warnings: Adult Situations, Character Death, Dark Fic, Original Characters, Sexual Content , Strong Sexual Content , Un-betaed
Series: Beastly Things
Chapters: 43
Completed:Yes
Word count: 183149
Read Count: 419663
Published: 05/12/09
Updated: 22/03/10

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Title: Chapter 16: We are Building Bridges Part 1

"We dance a little longer." Nikolai is ready to kill some people, boyfriend is almost at the end of his patience. Jacob and Segei have one more time to screw up, before they're sleeping with the fishes. 

Sergei knows that Niki is on to him, but he's still playing this the wrong way. Segei needs to sit back, keep his mouth shut and just be her friend. He needs to stop initiating things and just let her come to him. He needs to think about Anatoly and what his betrayal could cause him.

Sunny needs to open her eyes to Segei, because ignorance of the situation could get her killed.

 Reviewer: Cholyn Signed starstarstarstar
Date: 21/12/09
Title: Chapter 18: A fire burns... Water comes

WOW, that was one of you best chapters, and that is saying something. That Darla/Nikolai scene was fantastic and deep. I loved when Darla asked "Does she know how much you love her?" Darla must have had feeling for, because to admit that, caused her to hurt.

Niki, O Niki, I usually like Niki, but I REALLY didn't like him in this chapter. At the same time I appreciate it, because it made the story even better. The fact that he doesn't know why he needs her or why he loves her, adds another layer to an already multi-layered story.

Sunny has real feelings for Niki, its been alluded to, but I believe that this chapter confirmed it. She knows that Nikolai cares for her, and it was good to see her show concern for him.

I actually felt bad for Darla. It's cleathat she doesn't like what Niko is doing with Sunny, and not jus because she had feeling for him, but because Sunny is an innocent. Although, she found the entire situation distasteful, Darla is survivor and watches out for #1. I think that she may tell Sunny or Jacob the truth. Darla has a heart in there, but she hasn't had the chance to use it.

 Reviewer: Cholyn Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 26/12/09
Title: Chapter 19: Even When You're Miles Away Part 1

Nikolai didn't have to leave Jacob a package, he would have fallen all on his own.

So Niki is thinking about marriage and kids. I'm happy that he's not doing it now, and wants to wait until her time is up or closer to her time being up.

 Reviewer: Cholyn Signed starstarstarhalf-star
Date: 27/12/09
Title: Chapter 20: Even When You're Miles Away Part 2

This chapter did what it was suppose to do. I have to agree with you, it wasn't bad and it most definately was not your best, but it got the job done.

I can't wait for those clifhangers, because it feels like Jacob Jones's life expectancy is about to be cut short.

Thanks for updating

 Reviewer: Cholyn Signed starstarstarhalf-star
Date: 29/12/09
Title: Chapter 26: Gotta Make My Own Way

Aww my poor Niki! I felt so bad for Niki, and I could feel his pain and remorse. Please Niki, stay in the light, go in to the light. LOL

I am happy that Sunny has someone like Jeta in her life, she needs someone who makes her laugh.

I said it in one of my earlier review (between 2 and 6) that one man would change for the better and the other for the worst. I liked Sergie, but his obsession with Sunny may cause him to betray Nikolia.

I've said it before, but I really like Anatoly, he is a man with wisdom. He's not perfect, and he won't always do the right thing, but he seems honorable and that is something his brother is not.

Reviewer: Cholyn Signed starstarstarstar
Date: 21/01/10
Title: Chapter 27: Today Is a New Day

Aww, the end made me smile. 

I am soo happy that she has finally opened her eyes to the situation with Sergei. I hope that Sergei proves to be a true friend, but I have a feeling that that may not be the case. 

I have never mentioned this, but I like the little touch of Sunny's tracing the dragon tattoo. She does it on his skin, and sometimes on the table when she's going to that place with in. The tattoo is a comfort to her, and I just like that it's not just with him, that you show it in other places.

 

 Reviewer: Cholyn Signed starstarstarstar
Date: 23/01/10
Title: Chapter 29: I'll Be High Flyin'

It was nice to see them go on a normal date. I loved reading about Nikolia's early life, and learning, why he is the way he is.

Niki's thoughts on the other bosses have me a little worried. The mob has to enter this story at some point, and Sergie will probably have their calling cards. I hope not, but unless he get's over his obsession. He's going to do something to stupid, and probably get his brother killed in the process.

Thanks for updating, and I hope you and the muse feel better. :D

 Reviewer: Cholyn Signed starstarstarstarhalf-star
Date: 31/01/10
Title: Chapter 30: By The Time You Make Up Your Mind

I loved the Banter at the kitchen table, it was to cute.

Hmm, PLEASE don't kill Anotoly...He's one of my favorite characters. I really hop Segei doesn't ruin Niki and Toly's friendship.

 Reviewer: Cholyn Signed starstarstarhalf-star
Date: 02/02/10
Title: Chapter 31: By The Time You Come Round to Me

It was nice to seen Sunny and Nikolia have a nice normal evening at home. I like that he was honest with her about his past relationships. That words only thing, didn't seem to work well for them. :D

Thanks for updating

 

 Reviewer: Cholyn Signed starstarstarstar
Date: 06/02/10
Title: Chapter 32: Good Luck With Your Path

I like that Nikolia was apart of the family. He's not used to that type of comradert; he needs to Sunny and Ben in his life. Niki has truly grown as a character, before he would have never let her go, but now he knows that her happiness is more important than his fear.

I like Ben. He's a cute kid.

Thanks for updating

 Reviewer: Cholyn Signed starstarstarstar
Date: 10/02/10
Title: Chapter 37: I'll Send You My Best Part 2

OOO, that was good.

It was nice while it lasted. :( lol

 Reviewer: Cholyn Signed starstarstarstarhalf-star
Date: 06/03/10
Title: Chapter 38: But It Wasn't Built to Last

There is change in the wind.

Ugh, my heart goes out to all three in this chapter. Sergie seemed to have taken a step back, and I believe that his concern was more about her safety, than his feeling for her. Sunny want's to keep her eyes closed, but she knows the truth is at hand. Ahh Nikki, it's time for you to tell the truth, and trust in her love for you.

I love this story, and have from the beginning. However, I've noticed that some of Sunny's dialogue feels off, when she's talking with or about Nickolia. It almost feels as if Sunny has either an accent, is decades older or lives in a different era. I still love the character, but her dialogue at times irks my nerves.

Reviewer: Cholyn Signed starstarstarstarhalf-star
Date: 08/03/10
Title: Chapter 39: Or We Might Take it Differently

Good chapter. I enjoyed it from the beginning to the end. Sooo many things going on, like how was Nickolia's role going to change? Is Stanivlasky retiring and turning the entire thing over? I would hope that there was a way to get Nikki out, but that's a rarerity in mob organizations. Sunny willing to take it bit by bit, just as long as he lets her in; as well as Sunny's display of jealousy. Nickolia actually opening up, finally realizing that he has to tell her, no matter how painful it is for her. And the end, well that speaks for itself.

I LOOOOVe Kotsya, what a little cuttie.

 Reviewer: Cholyn Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: 09/03/10
Chosovi by SilentPleasure
Rated: 17 and older
starstarstarstarstar
[Reviews - 21]
Summary:

All I have ever wanted to do was make my family happy, and if that means marrying without love, then so be it. But now it's more than I've ever imagined: I am a queen! No literally; and now I have a social status that Paris Hilton could only dream of. Only one problem, other than sorting through piles of suitors, the one I'm attracted to scares me. But what could be wrong with getting gobbled up by a hunk of prime A handsomeness?



Table of Contents
Categories: Original Fiction
Characters: None
Classification: Supernatural
Genre: Action-Adventure , Comedy , Drama, Erotica, Fantasy, Mystery, Romance, Suspense
Story Status: None
Pairings: None
Warnings: Adult Situations, BDSM, Character Death, Drugs/Drug Use, Dubcon, Extreme Language, Graphic Violence, Original Characters, Strong Sexual Content , Un-betaed , Work in Progress
Series: None
Chapters: 5
Completed:No
Word count: 5851
Read Count: 4755
Published: 02/01/10
Updated: 06/09/11

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Title: Chapter 1: Prologue

Nice start, the opening chapter leaves the reader with a lot of questions. This chapter is a bit confusing, but intriguing all the same.

 Reviewer: Cholyn Signed
Date: 04/01/10
Hard Ball by treehuggingsmartass
Rated: 17 and older
starstarstarstarhalf-star
[Reviews - 24]
Summary:

Leslie sans never wanted anything quite as bad as she wanted to be partner for the Darnell firm and for some slick playboy who can barely keep it in his pants to up and take it pissed her off. oh how he pissed her off. So now Leslie thought of a way to destroy that dream killer, get her postion and move on to bigger better things. First Step : make him fall in love with her, Second Step: make him let go of that posistion And then The Last step: Smash his heart into million of little gooey red pieces. Let the Game begin.



Table of Contents
Categories: Original Fiction
Characters: None
Classification: General
Genre: Comedy , Drama, Romance
Story Status: None
Pairings: None
Warnings: Adult Situations, Extreme Language, Original Characters, Sexual Content , Strong Sexual Content
Series: None
Chapters: 4
Completed:No
Word count: 4845
Read Count: 3022
Published: 09/01/10
Updated: 28/08/10

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Title: Chapter 2: Tonight is not the night

Nice start, this sounds like an interesting tale. Poor girl, that white dress is ruined.

One thing, you may want to get a beta, because there are some grammar issue, but you also need to remember to capitalize your sentences.

Thanks for sharing :D



Author's Response:

Thank you!! :3

And sorry about the Grammar issues, i'll try to get it fix and work on it some more.

 

 Reviewer: Cholyn Signed
Date: 09/01/10
Dystopian Paradise by Darling
Rated: 17 and older
starstarstarstarhalf-star
[Reviews - 208]
Summary:

After the hostile takeover of the world by fairytale (and nightmare?) creatures, Roxanne doesn't have much of a choice but to go with the flow. She does have one major problem, though. There's this guy, see...And he thinks that she is destined to be his mate. What's the problem, you ask? Well, for one thing, he can't touch her without doing her bodily harm...



Table of Contents
Categories: Original Fiction
Characters: None
Classification: None
Genre: Fantasy, Romance
Story Status: None
Pairings: None
Warnings: Dark Fic, Extreme Language, Graphic Violence, Original Characters, Rape, Sexual Content , Strong Sexual Content , Un-betaed , Work in Progress
Series: None
Chapters: 19
Completed:No
Word count: 47491
Read Count: 24039
Published: 18/01/10
Updated: 09/07/11

[Report This]

Title: Chapter 8: Chapter 8

The emotions didn't come across strong, but they did come across. I felt bad for Roxanne, but more curious about, her parents, and what happened to them. I also want to know why she can't picture them. How long has she been a slave? I thought her fear came across clear at the end with Mod. I look forward to see how the progression of her life with these two men.



Author's Response:

I'm glad the emotions came across some kind of way.

Funny thing: The first time I published this story, it began with the night she was captured. Then I removed it because it seemed a too dark for an introduction. I'm still trying to get to a point where I can put it back in so that it makes sense.

Roxi wasn't sold for six months. She's been living with Leo for about a month at the time of this chapter.

SPOILER: Roxi seems to be losing it a bit when she's in the cage. Like I said, it was pretty dark...

 

 Reviewer: Cholyn Signed starstarstarstar
Date: 25/04/10
Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Good start! You are a very lively writer. Poor Roxanne, it seems that she's gone from a bad situation to a worse one. I really hope that I'm wrong.

 Reviewer: Cholyn Signed starstarstarstar
Date: 19/01/10
Title: Chapter 11: Chapter 11

Mod! He is the only person, who could bring about that last reaction from Roxanne.

Leo is all kinds of confusing, but I was glad that he didn't promise not the hurt her. I don't believe that he would ever intentionally hurt her physically, but who knows he could do that would cause her emotional pain.

I'm happy Roxanne is fianlly getting some clothes. It's past time that she got out of the castle, and introduced to her new world. 



Author's Response:

I agree with you 100% on all points. You're right on. 

Thanks for reviewing!

 Reviewer: Cholyn Signed starstarstarstar
Date: 29/05/10
Title: Chapter 2: Chapter 2

Intriguing. This is not my usual cup of tea, but I want to know what happens next.

Thanks for sharing and updating.



Author's Response: Thank you for reading and reviewing! I hope I can keep you interested enough.

Reviewer: Cholyn Signed starstarstarhalf-star
Date: 19/01/10
Title: Chapter 10: Chapter 10

Hmm, I'm guessing that he bit her, which would be interesting since she went to sleep. Vampire bites don't usually put people to sleep, unless their draining them of life, but then again every legend is different.

I want to know what Leo and Mod are always arguing about?

I think the Anita Black series is the only one I know of, where the lead actually thinks about the vampire she's about to sleep with as being dead. This was back in...I think book three or four, when the series was actually good.  



Author's Response:

About vampire lore: Between my lil' sis and I, we are folklore encyclopedias but I tend to trim the edges in my stories. I never went as far as making anyone sparkle though. Lol

What are Leo and Mod so worked up about...? That will be answered later. Soon. I promise. Stay tuned.

I've never read the Anita Black series but I have heard about it. I've been meaning to read it. When does it start going downhill?

 Reviewer: Cholyn Signed starstarstarstar
Date: 23/05/10
Title: Chapter 14: Chapter 14

Aww don't feel that way. The chapter wasn't boring. You provided the reader with a clearer view, of where Leo and Roxie stand. I just don't know how interesting it will be if at some point Leo doesn't start to have real feeling for her.

It sounds like you have an outline, but I find that sometime, trying to stick to it, can cause more harm than good. Try listening to some music, and let your muse take you, where she will. 

Do you know how many chapters you want to write? If not, you need to figure that before you do anything else. As far as the order, don't try to control the story to much, let the characters be free, and see where they take you. : D  Sometimes things come out a bit differently than you though.

If you don't have a beta/editor get one. It's good to have a second opion, so that you don't write something into the ground, lol.

I really like this story, and you're doing a good job writing. My ultimate advise to you, is to just "breathe".



Author's Response: I see where you're coming from about Leo and Roxi's relationship. I think I'm going to have to make its significance a bit more explicit. This is one of the points where I find the 1st-person POV frustrating.

Honestly, I'm thinking that this might take about 30 chapters depending on the chapter lengths. I figured it was going to be about that length considering all of the stuff that happens. Some chapters took up more space than necessary but they didn't really hinder the plot at all.

I keep my little sis around to bounce ideas off of because she loves this kind of thing. She gives me funny little inputs that help as far as second opinions. She's just been busy with her own stories lately. That was part of the reason I was stressing so muc about this last chapter.

I'm glad you like this story. I'll take your advice and see where it goes! Thanks for reviewing!

 Reviewer: Cholyn Signed
Date: 11/07/10
Title: Chapter 9: Chapter 9

I enjoyed the girl talk, there was a nice flow to it. I like Melissa it seems that Parker just sort of claimed her. "I have plans for you" what the heck is that? She has a right to be upset with him.  

 Reviewer: Cholyn Signed starstarstarstar
Date: 23/05/10
Title: Chapter 7: Chapter 7

Melissa's momma wasn't really helping matters. She needs to shut up, and hope the Roxanne puts her in her place, if she talks to her like that again.

Hmm, I can't wait until Roxanne is all healed. How long is her hair now?



Author's Response:

Yeah, Melissa's mom is quite the character. But then, Roxanne can dish it out too.

I'm tired of Roxanne being a couch-potato too! She'll be fine in a couple of chapters. Her hair really hasn't grown that much; it's only been about a month.

Thank you for reading and reviewing! I'm glad I've kept your interest this long!

 Reviewer: Cholyn Signed starstarstarstar
Date: 30/03/10
Title: Chapter 7: Chapter 7

Melissa's momma wasn't really helping matters. She needs to shut up, and hope the Roxanne puts her in her place, if she talks to her like that again.

Hmm, I can't wait until Roxanne is all healed. How long is her hair now?

 Reviewer: Cholyn Signed starstarstarstar
Date: 30/03/10
Title: Chapter 16: Chapter 16

I liked Alex. I hope he sticks around a bit. Leo is still a mystery, and I just can't quite figure him out. I hope he doesn't have to take Roxie to the party with Java the Hut! 

 

I'm happy that Roxie gave Mod a chance. It was a little dangerous, but it's obvious that her feeling for him have grown. 'Abesences makes the heart grow fonder.'

I also enjoyed getting more of a peek into this universe. 



Author's Response:

On Alex: She's definitely one of my favorite characters so far. You'll be seeing more of her.

On Leo: He is an engima wrapped inside a mystery and raddah raddah. Yeah, Leo does a lot of strange things. Some of them will be coming together later. And by 'later', I mean soon.

On Moxie: That's totally what I was going for, but we'll have to see how it all pans out.

On the universe: I'm glad you liked that. I'm finding it difficult, at times, to get the details in. Things are going to start getting a bit darker so please stay tuned!

Thanks a bunch for reading and reviewing!

 Reviewer: Cholyn Signed starstarstarstarhalf-star
Date: 22/08/10