Christopher Fitzwilliam

Allegra Keiko Cassiopea Carter

Laurence Bedford

Giselle Adams

Kirsten Fitzwilliam

Anne Bedford

More pictures will come later on.

Prologue

I tried to do something about my feelings by denying them, burying them in the back of my mind, but I simply couldn’t do anything to erase them. Since the first time I’d seen her, I couldn’t stop thinking about her. It might sound like I’m saying something many men have said before, but I am deeply serious. That woman had become my everything without me wanting her to. There was something in the way she talked, how her mouth exhaled words that could make you fall at her feet and beg for mercy; and the way she walked, slightly shaking her hips in the process, inspiring self-confidence, and intimidation. I was crazy for her. I was absolutely losing my mind for her, Allegra Keiko Cassiopea Carter. A name full of alliterations….a name that belonged to the strong, independent woman I was in love with. I was coming to terms with my own feelings, I was accepting them. At first I thought it was just physical attraction. Usually wet dreams imply that you feel a strong sex desire for the person you are dreaming of, but I soon came to the conclusion that it was more than that, although I didn’t want to admit it. The woman was simply fascinating, intelligent, attractive, sweet, and stubborn. I loved her. So why was I standing looking out the window, with a sad, resigned expression on my face? The reason why I was so depressed was that I was in love with a woman who absolutely loathed me.

But let’s start by telling this story from the very beginning……

Chapter 1- Miss Allegra Carter

I woke up hours before my alarm clock, as usual, in my Manhattan’s apartment in another sunny day of mid-August. It was just 5 o’clock in the morning and I got up from my comfortable bed to prepare for my morning jog. I went straight to the bathroom and washed my face before drying it with a towel. I sighed, took off my pajama painfully slowly and throw it in the hamper. I went back in my bedroom and looked for one of my many running outfits. I decided to go for a black t-shirt and a pair of black shorts. I put on my favorite pair of running shoes, got my mobile phone and my keys, and left my penthouse.

Halfway through my run in Central park, I received a text from my best friend Laurence. I grumbled, took out my I-phone and controlled the text.

“Nobu’s, Tonight, 7 p.m.” the text said.               

I snorted and decided to call the man. Who is normal enough to send a text at what- 6 in the morning?

“Hey Chris, whatcha doing?”

I sighed, frustrated “How many times do I have to tell you that I would appreciate if you didn’t try to get on my nerves straight in the morning, especially by not speaking proper English?” I absolutely detest slang. Why can’t teachers teach proper English in schools anymore? People, nowadays, all go around saying things such as “wanna”, “gonna”, “coulda”, “shouldda”.

“You know that I love getting on your nerves, man. That is my first source of entertainment.” He laughed.

I sighed, deciding to ignore his playfulness. “What is your text about?”

“Well, tonight, you are having dinner with me, my girlfriend and her best friend.”

“Finally I get to meet the famous Giselle, the girl who was successful in enchanting the great Laurence.” I said sarcastically.

“Man, you still mad at me because I didn’t let you meet her sooner, aren’t ya?” he asked sheepishly.

“No…” Okay, I was still mad at him for that reason, but let’s be serious. You don’t date a girl for what, a year and a half, without introducing her to your best friend. At first, he had the excuse of me not living in New York, but still. I had moved back to New York City a year before, after having worked for a couple of years between London and Milan. “Anyways, I’d be delighted to meet her.”

“You’ll adore her, don’t worry. But please, don’t fall in love with her, okay? If you want to develop feelings for anyone, do it for her best friend.” he joked.

“Are you being serious, Laurence? How many times do I have to tell you that I don’t need a woman in my life, right now? I’m just 32 years old. Give me 5 more years and maybe I will start thinking about it.” Laurence and his attempt at making me date someone every time he dates someone so I’d be happy as much as he is. I swear if he wasn’t my best friend he would have been dead already.

“That’s what you think, man. However, we so know that you feel alone and that you need someone to melt that icy heart of yours.”

“Thanks a lot, Laurence.” I snorted “Listen, you’re making me lose precious time. I have to go home and get ready for work.”

“Whatever. You’re coming tonight?”

“Count me in.” I smiled.

If I had known back then that after that dinner, many problems would have risen, I sure as hell wouldn’t have gone, but I was happy. I wanted to meet Giselle, and I was curious about the best friend Laurence wanted me to meet.

Hours later, after work, I was driving to Nobu’s, one of my favorite restaurants in New York. I found the far eastern cultures interesting, and that was why I was studying Japanese. Therefore, I couldn’t say no to Laurence that morning when he asked me if I was coming to his dinner at Nobu’s.  It was 6.40 pm and just a traffic light was stopping me from parking and getting in the restaurant. I grumbled. Today couldn’t be more stressful for me. Different problems were being created at work because of some big deal we had to sign with a Chinese company that was to supply us with the best materials to create our products. However, everything seemed at stake after what had happened to the UN between the US and China. There was some dispute over the human rights committee and the economic and social one. For this reason, contracts with the ‘rival’ China were for the moment abandoned, in hope that the things would change so that anyone could do their job properly.

Finally I parked in the restaurant parking space and got out of the car. I walked in and instantly I was greeted by Arisa, a nice Japanese waitress that always waited at my table, when I came to Nobu’s.

“Good evening, Mr. Fitzwilliam.” She smiled

“Good evening, Arisa.”

“How are you, in this wonderful evening, Mr. Fitzwilliam?”

“I’m fine.” I gave her a small smile “And you?” I asked politely

“I’m feeling good.” She smiled back “What can I do for you? Do I have to lead you to a table, or are you here with friends?”

“Actually I am here with friends. The reservation’s name is Bedford.” I looked her straight in the eye and I saw surprise and disbelief overwhelming her.

“Laurence Bedford is your friend?” she asked

I looked at her confused “Yes, he is, since primary school.”

“The world is really small.” She whispered

“Are you a friend of Laurence?” I inquired, suspiciously

“Not really. I am friends with Giselle and Allegra.” She smiled, obviously embarrassed. “I’m so sorry; let me take you to one of the rooms.”

Rooms? I asked myself. I had never been to one of the rooms. I inwardly shrugged and followed her. We walked down a corridor until we reached a sliding door that she opened.

“Giselle, here is Mr. Fitzwilliam,” she said blocking my view to my best friend’s girlfriend. I had a vaguely idea of how she looked. I had seen a few photos around Laurence’s apartment, but I wanted to meet her face to face, so to value if she was good enough for Laurence as much as he thought she was.

“Thanks, Arisa.” a soft voice murmured.

I stepped inside the room and finally saw her. The woman was beautiful, absolutely beautiful. She had a cascade of strawberry blond straight hair that arrived just past her shoulders. Her eyes were an intense brown color that became almost gold around the pupils. Yes, I could see her with Laurence who had red messy hair intense green eyes and freckles everywhere thanks to his Irish ancestors. Together they could make one of those perfect couples you always find on the cover of magazines.

“Hello, Mr. Fitzwilliam.” She stood up and walked up to me, looking nervous and uncomfortable.

“Please, call me Chris, Giselle. Can I call you Giselle?” I asked being as nervous as she was. I had just noticed that Laurence wasn’t there. How was I supposed to spend time alone with her? I didn’t even know her.

“Nice to meet you, Chris.” She smiled at me shyly.

“Nice to meet you, too.” I shook her hand and tried to smile warmly, but failed miserably.

We sat at the table and had some small talks while waiting for Laurence and her best friend, Allegra. She explained to me that Laurence had to go pick Allegra’s up, because her car was at the garage, getting some improvements.  We spent time talking and enjoying ourselves, although I was still a bit uncomfortable about talking to a stranger. Arisa, who had left us in the room shortly after announcing my arrival, reappeared.

“Laurence and Allegra.” She smiled sweetly before letting Laurence soon followed by a woman in the room. As soon as I laid my eyes on her I couldn’t look away. I stopped paying attention to my best friend whose eyes were completely lost on his girlfriend’s face. I stood up automatically when I saw Giselle do so, without letting my eyes wander away from her. Right in front of me stood a woman who should have been tall 5ft 8, in all her glory. Although she wasn’t my type of woman, I had to admit that she wasn’t bad looking. At all.  I checked her out slowly, lingering on her face and then staring openly at her body. Her skin was a nice golden, cappuccino color. Her hair a cascade of rich auburn brown waves that went way past her small back. Her eyes…her hazel green eyes were obviously Asian eyes clearly indicating that she had some Far East Asian relative. Her nose was really tiny, and her full lips were just inviting me to touch them, kiss them, and bite them. The creamy top and the skinny jeans she wore hugged her hourglass shape in the right points. Suddenly I felt my mouth begin to water.

“Allie?” Giselle interrupted the moment. Suddenly Allegra’s attention travelled from me to her best friend. She was staring at me! I had not noticed that.

“Yep?” Her eyes left mine and turned on a beaming Giselle “What?” she inquired.

“Erm…nothing?” Giselle bit her lip, shrugged while she kept grinning. Allegra rolled her eyes.

Awkwardness filled the room and we were all standing there, looking at one another, without uttering a word.

Then Laurence decided that maybe the atmosphere was a little pass the bearable “Chris, you’ve already met my girlfriend, Giselle Adams. This is her best friend Allegra Carter. Allegra, this is my best buddy Christopher Fitzwilliam.”

“Good evening, Mr. Fitzwilliam.” She said nonchalantly. Apparently she wasn’t affected by me…as I was by her.

“Good evening Miss Carter, or is it Mrs. Carter?” I didn’t know exactly why I wanted to know if she was married or not. I dismissed the thought of me wanting to know if I had a chance with her. I didn’t need a chance. She wasn’t my type and the only reason why I might have wanted to get to know her was that I wanted to bed her just once, yes, a one-night stand.

“No. It’s Miss, but you can call me Allegra, or Allie. Miss Carter makes me feel like some 80 years old spinster surrounded by a hundreds of cats.” She smiled warmly.

Involuntarily I found myself smiling shyly at her. She seemed fun, for now. “Okay. If I’m calling you Allegra, you can call me Christopher.” Why was I giving her the right to call me by my first name? Why did I want her to say something, to tell me more about her?

“Sure.” She smiled back, her eyes staring at my face.

We all sat down at the table and went through the menus, although the others did already know what they wanted for dinner.

The sliding door suddenly opened to reveal Arisa beaming at us “Are you ready to order?”

“You know what we usually take, but you should ask Chris here, what he wants.” Allegra answered while looking for something in her bag. It was her smart-phone.

She started typing furiously on it when Arisa took it out of her reach.

“Hey!” she yelled indignantly. Maybe she was a workaholic who needed to keep in contact with work, and that was why she was texting someone, or maybe she was texting an hypothetic boyfriend. I didn’t like the second option. “Give it back” she ordered menacingly.

“Iie.” ‘No’ Arisa answered looking amused.

Since the threatening didn’t have any effect, Allegra decided to try with the look women have mastered over centuries, the famous ‘I’m-going-to-burst-into-tears-if-you-don’t-do-what-I-want’ look.

“Girl, I need it. Onegai shimasu” for the little I knew of Japanese, Allegra had just said ‘please’ with an excellent Japanese accent. “I need it. My mum called a few minutes ago and If I don’t call her back, she’s so gonna kill me.”

“Are you sure is it not work?” Arisa asked, unsure of what was the best: believing in her friend, or not.

She shrugged “Go on and look at the screen.” She looked Giselle straight in the eye “She’s so gonna call you. Just you wait” A look of horror crossed Giselle’s face. I would have laughed if it would have been considered proper.

“Promise me that you will take it easy at work.” Arisa asked solemnly.

Allegra nodded vigorously.

Arisa surrendered with a sigh and gave her the phone. Allegra gazed at it adoringly before dialing a number.

“Mum, sorry if I didn’t answer you before but--” she was interrupted. She kept listening to what her mom was saying while rolling her eyes so many times I thought it was a skill “Mamma, tra me e Yuri è finita!” she whispered angrily. I instantly looked directly at her. I didn’t know she spoke Italian. That sentence was struck in my mind. She has just said to her mum that she and someone named Yuri were over. I felt satisfied, relieved, hopeful. She was single. Why was I experiencing those feelings? As minutes passed she was becoming more and more interesting to my eyes. I looked mesmerized as she talked fast to her mother on the phone in a mix of Italian and Japanese. I was too preoccupied in listening how her voice sounded speaking one of the sexiest language in the world to pay attention to the murderous stare she sent our way when she noticed we were staring at her. I had to admit that she was sexy, sensual, and my mind was already day-dreaming about her beneath me, in my bed, speaking sensual Italian words. Bad sign, I might say. I shouldn’t have been fantasizing on her, but although I was trying not to think of me and her in compromising positions, my thoughts seemed to have a mind of their own. She finally dismissed her mother with another eye roll and a quick “Mom, I gotta go” before hanging up.

“Okay…” she mumbled before sitting down and looking at everybody at the table. She put a smile that didn’t seem genuine “So..how was your week, Giselle?” she asked curiously. Her friend started illustrating what had happened.

I felt more and more uncomfortable, embarrassed and nervous as I still had a vivid image of how she might look in lingerie. I couldn’t stop imagining her cappuccino skinned legs without those pair of jeans I considered annoying and frustrating. I was lost, and I tried to avoid her eyes as much as I could, to stop myself from blushing.

Everyone, especially Allegra, tried to ease me into conversation, but I just felt like a complete geek, a loser who couldn’t go on without dirty thoughts about someone I shouldn’t even had any kind of feelings for, if not of a genuine friendship nature. Then add to the discomfort factor the fact that I am not a big philanthropic and I find it really hard to converse with people I don’t know and bingo! Therefore, although I wanted to talk more, I just couldn’t. I wanted to get to know Allegra better, her tastes, her ideas, what she did for a living. Speaking the truth I didn’t know why I cared. And that scared me. I didn’t want to develop romantic feelings for her, or at least that was what I was trying to convince myself with. I dismissed my non-physical interest for her in me wanting to know her because our best friends were dating, and that implied that we were to spend time together. While I was lost in my rational thoughts mixed with lust (yes, I admit I was lusting after her), the ladies in the room stood up.

“Excuse us, gentlemen. Giselle and I are going to the restroom.” Again her voice intrigued me. Fortunately I still had a sense of self-respect, otherwise I would have gaped at her. When she turned around, before she left with her friend, she gave me a perfect view of her back-side. I resisted the urge of licking my lips. I wanted to cup those ‘cheeks’. I should have been ashamed of myself, but my libido was quickly rising.

As soon as they left the room, Laurence smirked at me.

“I know you like her.”

“Of course I like Giselle. She seems the perfect companion for you.” I knew he wasn’t asking me about his girlfriend, but I decided to act clueless.

“Thanks man for your opinion. However I wasn’t talking about Giselle. When I said you like her, the subject of my thoughts was Allegra, and your obvious attraction for her.” He gave me a mischievous look.

“I’m not attracted to her, Laurence. She is not my type.” I tried to convince both of us. A part of it was true: she wasn’t my type. However, stating that I wasn’t attracted to her was stating a blasphemy, a profanity, but I denied the obvious anyway.

“And how do you know that? You kept staring at her throughout all this time, and when she came in you gave her a once-over for a good 5 minutes. And let’s not count how you looked at her as she was something juicy you want to eat badly.” He grinned in victory, a cocky expression on his face. Was he implying…? Or was it just me? Hopefully it was just me, because seriously I didn’t need to imagine that, really.

“I’m telling you that I don’t like her. I don’t even know her.” I justified myself. For goodness’ sake, why couldn’t he believe me and let it go?

“You so like her, dude. Come on, it’s extra obvious. You even had that dreamy look on your face, the one you have when you are having really naughty thoughts….but don’t worry. I’ll talk to Giselle and she’ll help you get a date with her.” He grinned goofily at me “Allie and Chris, sitting on a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G!” he sang in a pinched tone.

I rolled my eyes “Listen, Laurence, I don’t want to date Allegra. To tell you the truth I don’t feel like dating anyone, alright? So I would deeply appreciate if you stopped trying to set me up with someone.” I stated quietly, trying to make him understand how I felt about the ‘dating’ matter.

“But you like her, don’t you?” he asked worriedly.

I grumbled and tried to ignore him, but I already knew it was impossible. His mind was set: he believed I liked Allegra, and nothing I would say or do would have made him change his mind.

“What do you think of Giselle?” he asked me out of the blue. Was he stupid or what? I had already told him that I liked her, although she seemed too shy, but who am I to talk? The antonomasia of the anti-social person, or as my sister say, the Emo personality of the year?

I sighed “She is really beautiful. She seems a pretty good person.” I said, flatly. No emotion in my voice. Laurence was seriously getting on my nerves.

“She really is. Well her best friend Allegra is beautiful too. And she’s really outgoing. She tried to make you feel less uncomfortable so many times I lost count. What do you think of her?”

I knew he wouldn’t leave me alone. I snorted “Yeah…she’s okay, I guess. It really depends on a man’s taste on women. In my eyes she is barely tolerable.” My last sentence full of arrogance and nonchalance. 1 for me, 0 for Laurence. He stared at me wide-eyed, his mouth agape. Obviously, the back of my mind was yelling at me for being so stupid. I did feel attraction for Allegra, and my fantasies were the clear evidence of my prominent attraction and lust related feelings I had for her. But I would have never said so to Laurence. My life was already complicated, and I didn’t need a match-making Laurence to mess it up even more.

And then, as he was about to say something the sliding door opened, revealing Allegra looking careless, her chin up in the air, and a Giselle who seemed embarrassed and quite mortified.

They took their seats without uttering a word. I followed Allegra’s every move and was surprised to see her taking her I-pad from her bag and ignoring us, while being too preoccupied doing whatever that she was doing.

I huffed. That was rude. Dinner is made for individuals to interact and make conversations, not for anyone to care about their own businesses. I saw Giselle and Laurence exchanging nervous looks, and I couldn’t understand why.

“Excuse me, Allegra?” I asked cautiously.

“Excuse you what?” she snapped and I was a bit taken back. She had been nice all evening. What the heck had happened?

“I know what you are doing may be really important, but can you please do it later, after the dinner is over?” I said in an annoyed tone, a sarcastic smile on my face.

Laurence, who was sitting right next to me slapped my arm jokingly “Chris, you don’t wanna…trust me.” He laughed nervously.

“Why?” I demanded confused “I don’t understand, really. We are here to spend time together and she is being rude—“

I got interrupted by her sending me daggers “Dude… you better watch your mouth, ‘kay?”

“Or what? You’re going to kill me with some gangsta move?” I instantly raised my voice, half-amused and half-offended.

And then it happened. A storm of insults overwhelmed me.

 “You worthless piece of trash…” she started, her voice shaking with anger and rage “If I’m working while dining, there ought to be a reason, don’t you think? For example, the company of one person in this room may be very annoying for me, so I need to distract myself!” Had she just said that I was annoying? “And then you have the courage to say I’m rude, when you’ve been nothing but rude to everyone, party-killer. You look like you have something up your ass, and despite everyone at this table tried to make you feel comfortable, you still have that snobby freaking attitude.” Was she for real? How could she said that? I was not a snob. I just didn’t open up as easily as others. “ Me! Rude! After you said that I am barely tolerable, you dare say that I am rude.” I stared at her, mouth agape. She wasn’t supposed to hear my comment. It was a lie, a stupid lie to get my friend out of my case. “And the gangsta comment! You racist prick? I am a gansta just because I’m half black?! I so am leaving!” she stood up, shoved her I-pad into her bag and looked at Giselle “I didn’t want to come to this stupid dinner.” Then she glared as much as possible at me. “Thank you, jerk, for the horrendous night I spent in your miserable company. I’ve never been insulted this much in my life since primary school.” She took her glass of red wine and before I could realize what was happening its content finished on my face and my 200$ shirt. “Here is your rude, God’s nightmare to women.” She gave me the middle finger, flipped her hair and dramatically opened the sliding door and walked out of the room. I was insulted, deeply insulted. My pride was wounded. However the only thing I was thinking of was her backside going from side to side. The woman was seriously sexy. Too sexy for my own good.

Chapter 2 - One track mind

I was stunned. No one had ever dared insult me that much. I was kind of angry that she had left without giving me the chance to answer her back. I was tempted to follow her, and I didn’t know what had stopped me. Maybe, it was the acknowledgement in the back of my mind that if I had followed her, and saw her angry, mad at me, worked up for me, I wouldn’t have been able to answer for my actions. Seeing her in those conditions would have sent me in a state of uncontrollable lust for her, a lust so strong, in fact only second to the blood lust Edward Cullen had for his plain -looking Bella (yes, I read Twilight because I was forced to by my little sister, and yes my lust is only second. I didn’t have any wish of draining her of blood…but of something else…like energy...if you catch my drift) that I would have tried kissing her, taking her to my house and…you all know what I would have tried to do. I don’t think I need to explain.

I was home now, the weight of the day that had passed was getting to me and I was physically and emotionally tired. After leaving the restaurant while being under the disapproval of both Laurence and Giselle, I couldn’t stop thinking about the recent events. Using slang….Allegra was hot. Super hot. She was fascinating, intriguing, and for what I had seen she didn’t seem to lack a brain. Her look was mesmerizing and she could have easily been a model, or an actress, for all I knew. She didn’t certainly lack the drama queen attitude. 

I sighed before turning the lights on in my bedroom. I was met by the sight of a woman in my bed: my sister, Kirsten. I smiled at her. My amazing 21 years-old sister was finally here. She was on top of the comforter of the bed, a peaceful expression on her face.

I got my pajama and went to the bathroom where I got changed into it. I stared at my ruined shirt and shook my head. Allegra was crazy. I put my sister under the bed sheets after going back to the bedroom.

“Chris?” she asked groggily.

“Hey…” I mumbled grinning “Go back to sleep. We’ll talk tomorrow morning.” I reassured her.

“’Night, bro’” she whispered before falling asleep once again.

“’Night, princess.” I whispered back, fighting back a yawn.

 I went in the spare room and left my sister to rest. I threw myself on the bed. I got comfortable enough to be ready to fall asleep but nothing could make me fall into slumber.

I tried everything. I counted sheep, I counted backwards from a 100, however when I reached 11 I gave up. I got out of the bed and went in the kitchen and prepared myself a cup of chamomile tea. When I went back to bed, I was feeling the need to sleep, but I still couldn’t be relaxed enough to fall asleep. I sighed stressed out. I was going to work the following day’s afternoon, even if it was a Saturday. She was still there, Allegra, in my mind, monopolizing my every thought. The same dirty thoughts, the same fantasies, and new ones, more aggressive, more extreme, more everything. I needed to get a grip. I couldn’t really lust after someone that wasn’t my type. Could I? I knew I didn’t like her, but why couldn’t I just get over the fact that she was so…so darn good-looking? She looked like a Goddess, I had to admit, and her eyes…they were so expressive. I huffed and started thinking the lyrics of different songs in my head, to distract myself. I don’t even have to say what the songs were about…Hotel Room by Pitbull, Birthday Sex by Jeremiah are just a few examples of the songs I was singing in my head, songs I attached a sort of video clip to. A video clip in which a certain golden cappuccino skinned woman named Allegra starred in, dressed in bikinis, or with just a bed sheet to cover her body.

I was obsessed, let’s face it, but at the time I had tried to dismissed my lust for her in just a want for sex in general, considering I hadn’t had some in at least six months. It had to be because of that…

I could easily deal with that. Just a one night stand with a sexy girl and everything would be okay again. Who was Allegra Carter? No one, absolutely no one.

I woke up at 5 am, as usual and I felt in pieces. Why was I on the couch? Why? Good Lord, my sleep was not good at all. I didn’t feel I would have been able to go running that morning. I yawned and sleepily started my routine. I went in the bathroom and slowly got undressed, like the day before. I needed a shower, after that night. As soon as I got in the shower, the sleep got out of my eyes and I finally remembered what I dreamed about. Oh my Goodness, why did I remember? Why? Again her, her eyes, her face. I groaned and quickly got out of the shower trying to get the dream out of my mind. Something that was clearly impossible. I didn’t need the vivid image of my wet dreams early in the morning.

Allegra was smiling at me sensually, a mesmerizing red lingerie piece on. I was on the bed admiring her while she was straddling me. Her hair was falling all over the place and she had this hungry look on her face. She was hungry for me. She kissed me passionately and I responded, unable to stop myself. I just kissed her back until she pulled away leaving my lips wanting more. I frowned at her and I was ready to tell her to kiss me again when she started trailing wet kisses to my neck where she left her mark.

“You are mine…” she murmured against my neck “Say it!”

“I’m yours.” I wasn’t lucid; the only thing I cared about was feeling her lips on my neck again. She caught my sweet spot just under my ear and I yelped in surprise.

“Say it louder!” she ordered me before she started kissing my chest.

“I’m yours, I’m yours.” I said louder, my eyes rolled back in my head.

I was tired of her being in charge of the game. I stopped her and changed our position so that I was on top of her… It was her now getting kissed; it was me now kissing her, savoring her,  touching her, undressing her.

“I love you” I said.

“I love you too.” She whispered and smiled sweetly.

I stopped myself. I didn’t need to think about it again. Especially the last bit before the overwhelming amazing sex.

 I put some clothes on and went back in my bedroom where I saw the bed was empty.

“Kirsten?” I yelled.

“Kitchen, bro.” she yelled back.

I reached the kitchen where the smell of coffee was almost overwhelming. I wrinkled my nose and sat on a chair near the isle.

Kirsten laughed “I’ve never understood why you hate the smell of coffee but can’t survive without drinking it.”

“Don’t ask me. I don’t know either.” I smiled at her. “I’m so happy you are finally here.” I said sincerely.

“Oh, thanks, big brother.” She grinned at me triumphantly.

“So…do you plan to come and stay here or…” I didn’t voice the second option because, really, I didn’t want her to rent an apartment and live on her own. I am very overprotective of my sister and therefore I wanted her to be always nearby so I could always keep an eye on her.

She huffed and rolled her eyes, the same blue color as mine.“I’m staying here so you won’t get on my nerves by calling me and making sure that I am okay all the time. You are such a freaking nuisance, bro. That’s why I came earlier. I couldn’t stand one more day of your exasperating phone calls.”

“Hey, you would do the same in my place. You don’t know all the people that go and try things on young, nice, naïve and innocent girls such as yourself.” I justified myself.

She gave me  a sly smile “Why are you so sure that I’m still naïve and innocent?”

I gasped, my mouth nearly touched the floor at the thought of my kid sister not being innocent anymore “Who is he?! I’m so going to kill him!”

She laughed “Come on, don’t be unreasonable, bro. I’m 21, now. You wouldn’t expect me to—“

I covered my ears “Blah blah blah! Don’t want to hear it! I don’t want my ears to bleed.”

She shook her head “You’re such a drama king.” Her eyes full of laughter. “Anyway, since I am a good girl, and I do consider your feelings, I think that is better to change topic, for your sake obviously.”

“Yes, yes, do make fun of me, please!” I huffed sarcastically.

“Met anyone?” she asked looking at me enthusiastically.

“Not really, no.”  I avoided her gaze.

“You met someone, didn’t you?” She poured some coffee in two mugs “Who is she? Is she tall? Is she beautiful?”

“Woah, stop right there. I met someone but she’s such a drama queen—“

“Good, you complete each other, then.”

I looked at her in disbelief “I don’t even like her. She insulted me in every possible way, last night, and I don’t want to meet her ever again, seriously.”

“Where did you meet her?” she asked curiously “And what did you do to her so to make her want to bite your head off?”

“Why are you assuming I did something?” I shook my head “She’s Laurence’s girlfriend’s best friend.”

“Oh…sorry to tell you this, but you will probably meet her again, bro.”

“Thanks a lot.” I got my mug and sipped my coffee. “That is exactly what I need to hear to make me feel better.” I scoffed.

“You’re so overdramatic.” She rolled her eyes “And annoying, of course. “ she hit my shoulder and laughed again.

“Whatever, Kirsten.” Why did I drink that coffee? How am I suppose to go run now? Well I didn’t feel like going anyway. “Are you excited about starting your internship at the Human Rights department of the UN?”

“Absolutely. I can’t wait for Monday to come. Six months of pure bliss.” She sighed dreamily.

“Do you know some of the people that also got in the internship program?”

“No, not really. However, when I got a tour of the office yesterday, I found out who is going to be my mentor while I’m being her personal assistant. She’s absolutely amazing. She’s really serious about her job, and even though she looks like she’s constantly in a bad mood, we got coffee at Starbucks during a break and she is really nice. I think we will become really close friends.”

“I’d love to meet her.” I was being sincere. “What are you doing today, sister dearest?”

“I was thinking shopping. You’re coming with me, right?”

I groaned “Only if I can go book shopping.” I tried to compromise “And remember that I have to step at the office for a few hours.”

“I was planning to go to a bookstore, anyway.” She said with nonchalance Are we taking your car?”

“Of course.” I smiled slyly.

I spent the rest of my week-end working, catching up with my sister and having fun with her. I heard from Laurence that almost ordered me to say sorry to Allegra for my behavior, but I really told him to go to hell. I didn’t want to apologize until she did so.

She hurt my pride…therefore I wasn’t planning on doing anything, really.

My sister had placed all her stuff in one of the spare rooms in my house, and I was absolutely happy.

On Monday morning I went through my same routine, and after having breakfast with my sister, I decided to accompany her to work. She was so excited she couldn’t stay calm.

“Are you having a sugar-rush?”

“Shut up.” She grinned while playing with her hands.

“Are you nervous?” I asked.

“No, I’m just hyper excited. Can’t wait to start.”

I just smiled. I was proud of her. “Here you are.” I parked the car in an empty spot as soon as I saw it, earning myself being cursed by someone. “See you later, sister dearest. Good luck”

“Thanks, bro.” she opened the door and quickly got out of my car.  She closed the door and started walking towards the building. I saw her waving at someone and I soon left.

That evening I found myself at Laurence who wanted to talk to me. His sister, Anne, of course, was there. Oh God, that woman was absolutely clingy and I couldn’t stand her. She looked just like her brother. They had the same red hair and green eyes. Hers, however, seemed to glow every time they set upon me. But I couldn’t stand her. She didn’t understand that she would never get me to love her. I always saw her as  a little sister, when we were kids, and then as soon as she grew too attached to me, I tried to keep my distance. However, for the sake of my friendship with her brother I tried to tolerate her presence. And the fact that she kept hitting on me wasn’t really helping my opinion of her.

“Tell me, Chris, what are you doing?” Anne asked interrupting me for the hundredth time, if possible.

“I’m writing an email to my partners regarding an issue at work.” I said coldly

“Oh…Those emails are so boring…”

“Then, it is good that I am the one writing them.” I stated.

“Absolutely.” She paused before saying excitedly “You type so fast, Chris.” Was she insane? For Goodness’ sake was that suppose to be a compliment to flatter me so I would ask her out?

Saved by the doorbell. “I’ll get it.” I yelled upstairs, where Laurence was assisting his girlfriend emptying her stomach for some unknown reason. She was either pregnant or having food poisoning.

I put my laptop down on the loveseat I was sitting on and sprinted for the door. When I opened it words couldn’t describe how I felt after seeing who was waiting with an annoyed expression painted on her face. It definitely wasn’t the take-away guy with our pizzas. In fact it was her. Allegra.

“Are you gonna check me out for the rest of the evening, or are you gonna let me in?”

I blushed and stepped out of her way “Come in, Allegra.” When I saw her I started repeating the dreams I had had during the week-end.

“Jerk.” She said before getting in the apartment. I closed the door behind her.

“Where is Giselle?”

“Upstairs.” I mumbled.

“Fine.” She looked at me disgusted by what she saw “No nasty remarks, smart ass?” she asked sarcastically.

“Not really, no.”

“Whatever.” She flipped her hair on her shoulder and went in the living room “Hello, Anne.” Allegra said with civility.

“Hello, Allegra.” Anne said coldly.

“I’m just gonna go upstairs.” She explained.

“Go, then.” Anne dismissed her.

Allegra left and I found myself alone with Anne, once again.

“Who does she think she is? Just because she’s wealthy, has a great job at UN, doesn’t mean she has to be so proud. I can’t stand that woman.”

I just looked at her. Even though I couldn’t stand Allegra, I seriously would prefer being insulted by her in that moment instead of listening to freaking annoying Anne.

“And then just because she is half Japanese, and she looks fine, she thinks she is so good looking.  Why  didn’t she go for modeling then? It’s because she got rejected, I’m telling you.”

“Well I don’t think she got rejected really. Probably she just declined the agencies that threw themselves at her for a chance to have her representing their images.” she stared at me, her eyes wide.

That woman talked trash every single day, good God. I put on a fake smile and kept doing whatever that I was doing. I ignored her until I heard her suddenly say “Allegra, dear, how is Giselle doing?”

“She’s doing better, thank you for asking.” She answered before taking a book out of her bag.

“What are you reading, Allegra?” I asked genuinely curios.

“Fatherland by Robert Harris.”

“Chris, you love reading, don’t you?” Why couldn’t Anne shut the hell up? “I remember you once said that the love of reading is something that you look for in a woman.”

“Yes. “ I said slightly embarrassed.

“I’m curious to know what does Mr Fitzwilliam look for in a woman.” Did she want to know whether she met my standards or not?

“Well….she has to have a career of her own, be well-opinionated, intelligent, good-looking, atletic…she needs to speak several languages, have an interest for the arts, be gracious. And I want her to be graduated, and have a passion for music.”

“Did you meet anyone that reaches your standards?” she looked at me in disbelief.

“Yes, of course. Why? Do you doubt it?”

“It seems to me that you want a sort of Stanford wife with a career. Does she have to give that up for you when you’re gonna have kids?” she laughed. Was she making fun of me and my expectations?

“Do you speak more than one language, Allegra?” Anne asked her with a venomous smile

“Oh well…I speak Italian, Spanish, English, Japanese, Korean, Latin, Greek, French and now I’m learning German.” She smirked

Anne huffed “At what university did you graduate?”

“Well, I had many offers…..but at the end I settled down for the University of Oxford.” She smiled. She graduated at the university Laurence attended. “Now, if you will excuse me, I need to go.”

“No, don’t go, Allegra!” Laurence yelled coming down the stairs. “Can you sleep over?”

“Why?” she asked puzzled. I liked her puzzled. That was an expression that fitted her better than anger, or disgust.

I couldn’t hear what they were saying anymore. I was lost imagining me and her, hand in hand, while we would get into my penthouse, she with a puzzled expression on her features. She would look up at me, confused, and smile hesitantly. I would cup her cheek and kiss her softly. She would look shocked before kissing me back and then we would end up in my bedroom and…

“Chris, are you okay?” Anne, why did you have to interrupt my fantasy? Why?!

I sighed and saw everyone in the room staring at me. Laurence was trying not to laugh. “What’s wrong?” I asked self-consciously.

“You’re a pervert.” Allegra muttered, again disgusted by me. Did she? How?

I felt a warm feeling in my stomach. It was probably the disgust I proved for being called a pervert.

“I would love to stay, Laurence, but I really can’t. I have to go back to the office…” she trailed off.

“What do you have to do at the office?” I questioned her.

“Not that it concerns you, racist, but there are a few reports that I left at work, and I absolutely need them.” She answered venomously.

“Will you be able to come back here and sleep over once you achieve your task?” Laurence asked innocently, but I knew him better than that. He was smirking.

“Yes, but I can’t really sleep here. I don’t have my pajama, I don’t have my tooth brush , I don’t have my pillow and—“

Laurence interrupted her “You don’t have to worry about that. Your Q7 is still at the garage, right?”

“Yes, it is, but really I can’t---“

He smiled slyly “Don’t worry about it. Chris can take you to work and then to your apartment so you can get your things to stay overnight.”

“What?” Allegra and I yelled simultaneously. Match-making Laurence playing his creepy tricks.

“I don’t need his freaking lift. I can get a cab, seriously.”

I snorted “Do you really think I would want to give you a lift? That’s out of question.” I crossed my arms to my chest.

She rolled her eyes “You wish I thought so.” She took her bag and slung it over her shoulder “I will come back, Laurence, just reassure Giselle, okay?” her voice was suddenly sweet, nice, soft like a melody. Why couldn’t she talk to me like that?

“I will take a cab, and then come back with my new amazing baby…” she grinned.

“Did you actually get it?” Laurence’s eyes were shining.

“Yep. Daddy dearest thought it was good to give his little girl a reward for her hard work….”

Laurence came up to her and hugged her for dear life. He picked her up and swung her around. He put her down and grinned. I stared at them wide-eyed as I saw them do some kind of crazy handshake. Anne was clearly annoyed.

“I told you I was going to get one before you, and you didn’t believe me!” she laughed mockingly.

I was really clueless. What the hell were they talking about? Babies?

“What color?”

She rolled her eyes after putting her hands to her hips “Do you even have to ask?”

“Of course black.” He sighed in defeat “Are you gonna let me drive it?” he asked hopeful. Are they serious? What the creeping hell?

“Are you crazy? No! No one touches my babies.”

“Please?” he pleaded.

She huffed and rolled her eyes “No. Aren’t you getting one, anyway?”

“I’m not sure….please just one time.”

“You already know my answer…but who knows? Maybe you will get one, one day…” she said suggestively.

“Really?” his voice came out squeaky. He coughed “Anyway, Chris take her to the office and home, then you can just drive back here, while she comes with her new car…” he said the last bit with envy.

Oh. They were talking about cars…well I felt much better now.

Allegra huffed “I hate you, Laurence.”

“You know you love me, babe.”

“No, I don’t, you jerk.” She jokingly threw a punch at him.

“You guys are such kids” Giselle said feebly while coming downstairs.

“So what?” Allegra smirked.

Giselle reached the bottom of the stairs and just smiled “I am so glad to hear that you are staying over, sweetie.”

“I’m doing it just for you, okay?” she justified herself.

Laurence pouted indignantly “What about me? You’re not doing it for me?”

“Yeah, I’m staying over for you as well.” She said slightly annoyed.

“Good.” Laurence smiled big “You and Chris may want to leave now…”

I sighed in defeat “See you later.”

I collected my jacket and put it on, and then I tried to find Allegra’s, so to give it to her. Once I found it she snatched it out of my hands.

“Let’s go.” She said flatly.

“Okay.”

A few minutes later we found ourselves in my car, which is a Volvo XC60, while I was driving towards her office. The silence in the car was unbearable and I thought I may have died from awkwardness. This was insane. This was absolutely, indefinitely insane. I know I am a reserved person, but still.

She took out her I-phone and started texting.

When I was about to speak to cut the tension she started staring at me “ I am texting because you are boring me, and because I am asking for my assistant to get the reports I need ready so I will collect them sooner and put an end to this torture soon enough.” She explained her actions.

“Okay…” I answered puzzled. Why this sudden talkativeness towards me? She was talking to me, even though she wasn’t saying anything nice. I mean she said that I was boring. “How long have you and Giselle been friends for?”

“Since we were in primary school. Then I moved around and so I didn’t see her as much as I wanted, but in the end it worked out okay.” She said while texting.

I stopped at a traffic light “Do you know who is the friend that  Laurence say to be the link between him and Giselle?” I asked. That was a question I wanted an answer for. And I was determined to find the truth on the matter.

“Me.”

“You?” I inquired in disbelief.

“Is it so hard to believe that I am the link to their relationship?” she snapped.

“No, no. Sorry…” I tried to defend myself.

“Well I don’t know if Laurence ever told you, but he is my friend, a really close friend. He is like my best buddy. I met him when I was reading law at the University of Oxford and he was a friend of a friend. Since then we are almost inseparable.”

“You are the famous Allie? I never made the association.” I said, realization dawning in me “I thought his female best friend’s name was Allison.”

“Well, I was not called Allison, so deal with it.” She stared at my face, slowly studying it.

 I paid particular attention to her eyes and that was the end of it. I suddenly felt a warm feeling in my stomach. It couldn’t be neither sickness…nor anxiety, nor fear…in fact the only possible definition of what I was feeling was admitting that I was feeling butterflies in my stomach. However, I would have never done that.

“What music do you listen to?”

“Why this sudden interest in talking to me? If I do remember correctly last Friday you were trying to avoid me and Giselle, but especially me, like we had some sort of contagious illness that was transmitted by exchanging words.” She was definitely making fun of me now.

“Well, it’s not like I care, it’s just that I wanted to make the trip more bearable, and get to know each other, since our best friends are dating.” I answered offended by her behavior towards me.

She rolled her eyes “Drama queen.” She muttered “I was thinking…”

“Yes?” I was curious. Was she going to insult me again?

“You laid down all the qualities you want in the woman of your dreams..”

“Are you interested?” I didn’t know how I found the strength to wink at her and smirk, while the butterflies in my stomach were doing somersaults.

“You wish…anyway, what I want to know is if you actually have those qualities you require in a woman.” She said firmly.

“Of course. I went to college, Yale precisely, I speak Italian, French, German and Spanish, and I’m currently learning Japanese.”

“Shit.” She mumbled “So you actually did understand my conversation with my mom on the phone, last Friday…”

“Well…I didn’t catch all the Japanese…” I confirmed sheepishly.

“Great. I’ll have to remember not to speak both when you are around if I’ll have the misfortune of seeing you again”  She said “Do you think you are good-looking?” she asked out of the blue.

I just stared at her for a few seconds “Of course I am.”

She rolled her eyes and focused her attention on her I-phone once again, signaling that the conversation was over.

I sighed. The talking didn’t have the outcome I wished for…wait what did I wish for? What did I wanted her to be?  A friend? I was going crazy. However, I was proud of myself, because although I was stressed, and terrified, and nervous, I did manage to have one of the longest embarrassing conversations of my life. And I did enjoy it…or at least it looked like I enjoyed the company.

We reached the UN building she worked in and she quickly got out of my car and went in. I stared at her assets until she disappeared. Good God, this girl was driving me crazy.

She came back 10 minutes later carrying a massive folder in her hands. I opened the door for her and she got in.

“Thanks.” She whispered.

“Let me help you..” I said while taking the folder out of her hands to put it in the back seat. Fireworks…that’s what I felt…fireworks inside of me as my hand touched hers. I could feel current while our fingers met…I shivered. She let go of my hand quickly. I cleared my throat “Where do you live?”

The ride to her house was silent, except for her giving me indications to reach it.

And then I saw it. An amazing two storey house, a gate to protect it from intruders. I’d never seen a house like this in Manhattan. It wasn’t a mansion, it was just a normal villa that inspired comfort. The gate suddenly opened and I finally drove in. I killed the engine, unfasten the safety belt and got out of the car. I got her folder and held it for dear life.

“Wow, you have a nice house.” I said.

She got out of the car and closed the door “I know.” She smiled genuinely and I swore I could have heard my heart jump in my chest. She put the key in the lock opened the door and got in. I followed her.

 I looked around uncomfortably. The place was really well furnished.

“Make yourself at home if you want to stay for a while. The kitchen is just where you can see the sliding doors. I’m gonna go upstairs and collect my stuff.” She smirked, got the folder while avoiding touching me and left me alone. She felt it too, otherwise how could I explain the smirk, the sudden kind attitude?

“Okay…”  I was embarrassed. Mainly because I kept staring at her lips while she was talking, and then I couldn’t stop thinking of how she was dressed. I didn’t notice it before, but she was wearing a nice light grey skirt that reached almost her knees. A light blue dress shirt was hugging her figure, and was combined with a blazer the same color of the skirt. Her hair was up in a high pony tail. She looked hot, and I was itching for her, I was itching to get to know what she had under those stupid clothes that made it even easier for me to get all lustful.

I sat on the couch and kept thinking about her….her smile, her kissable lips, her gorgeous eyes, and those freaking curves I so wanted to touch, I so wanted to call mine. Yes, I was definitely becoming insane. And I was starting to enjoy it.

My cell phone rang. Startled I took it out of my pocket. A message from Laurence.

‘You’re sleeping over. No discussion.’

I snorted. I had no choice but to do what he wanted, otherwise he would have ruined my night by calling me and stressing me until I said yes.

“Hey.” I heard her say. I turned around and almost gaped at her. She had changed and now instead of formal clothes she was wearing a pair of flats, skinny jeans, a white undershirt with a blue cardigan on top. Her long hair was loose and I lost myself looking at those waves. If I had said once that she was okay…and fine, that was the understatement of the year. The girl not only was burning hot, but also the most beautiful girl I had the privilege to set my eyes upon. I was attracted. And I was going to accept it, in order to get to know her….

She rolled her eyes. “Do you want anything?”

‘Yes, you’ I thought “What?”

“A drink or something before you leave?”

“Ehm…yes, please. How about some tea?” I initially thought to say no, but I came to the conclusion that I could spend more time with her by making her make some tea for me

“How? Black, white..?” she inquired while opening the sliding doors that led to the kitchen

“Black, two sugar.” I answered by following her, my eyes too focused on her to analyze my surroundings. There were a few chairs around the isle and I considered the idea of sitting down, but I decided not to. I would help if she needed my help…and I would…I would…I definitely needed to stop daydreaming about her in sexual contests.

“Are you okay?” she asked, anxiety in her voice. Was she worried about me? I decided to ask.

“Why do you ask? Are you worried?”

“I ask because you are all red. It’s almost like you are blushing…and worried? Yes, worried that you may die on me. I would have to explain everything to the ambulance and the police. Such a waste of my precious time.” She said nonchalantly.

“Well it is good to know that I am considered a waste of time.” I replied, offended.

“Drama queen.” She fired back while taking two cups out of a cabinet. She poured some water in the kettle and started it. She reached a wall and took a telephone. She dialed a number and waited. “Daddy!” her eyes were suddenly shining “Right now? Are you serious? YAY!” Was she the same Allegra I’d seen before? She was a kid, seriously. Suddenly she became serious. She covered the telephone with one hand. “I am going outside to check my new car. Wanna come?”

“Me?” I looked at her incredulously.

“Not you, the poltergeist right behind you” she answered mockingly “You, of course. I need to share this with someone, and unfortunately you are the only one here so…” she grabbed my hand. Again I felt a sparkle.

While she was talking on the phone excitedly she dragged me to the front door. She opened it and instantly gasped. A Maserati Gran Turismo S was just outside the gate. A big red bow attached to it.

“Daddy!” she yelled in the phone “Daddy you are the greatest dad in the world. I’ll call you later.” She hang up and hugged me. I stood there, absolutely shocked. I felt hot all over. I automatically hugged her back and awkwardly patted her back. Once the gate were opened someone stepped out of the car. She broke our embrace ad got the keys for the car and an envelope.

“Fitzwilliam, can you please go and check the water for the tea? I’ll be there in a minute, okay?”

“Sure thing.” I said blushing. I ran in the house and saw that the water was ready. I poured it in the cups that already had the tea, put some sugar in them and waited till she came back in.

She got the cup of tea “Sorry for before…” she said “I didn’t mean to hug you, I swear. It was the excitement of the moment, really.”

I couldn’t help but feel disappointed “I understand.”

She sighed in relief “Good.” She smiled awkwardly “Well..” she took a sip from her cup.

“I got to go.” I said. I had to leave. I couldn’t possibly stay in a room alone with her. I just couldn’t, if I wanted to stay with my mind in a clear state. I was feeling lust, anger, disappointment..I was so confused.

“What about your tea.?” She asked confused

“I really have to go, Allegra.” I muttered “See you at Laurence’s.” I quickly said before leaving the kitchen. I got out of the house and saw that the Maserati was parked right next to my car. I took the keys of my car out and opened it.  I didn’t have time to step in the car that I saw Allegra with a vacuum flask in her hand.

“You wouldn’t possibly expect me to throw  away tea, would you?”

I gave her an half smile “Thank you.”

“You can keep the flask if you want. I don’t want any of your germs.” She made a face and I almost burst into laughing, but then she was talking about my germs, implying that I wasn’t clean enough and therefore I had germs.

I huffed, got the flask, put it somewhere safe and got into the car. I closed the door with excessive strength and drove away as soon as the gate opened.

Kirsten was right: I was going to see her, even if I didn’t like it. But did I really think I would be happy without her presence?

Chapter 3 – Green-eyed Monster

When I arrived at Laurence’s he grabbed my elbow and dragged me to the kitchen.

“Why do you have Allegra’s favorite flask? What happened? Did you ask her out? Did you two kiss? Or did you..did you have sex?”

I chuckled “Calm down, man. Nothing happened, okay? She made some tea, I said I had to go so she put some in the flask. I didn’t even know that was her favorite flask…why did she tell me I could keep it?”

“Did she…did she really?” he asked shocked.

“Yes.” I answered confused. What was the big deal? It was a common normal flask. “Anyway, good Lord, man, relax. You fired me with questions that don’t make sense.”

“Yeah, yeah. You don’t like Allegra, do you?’” he spat sarcastically.

“Exactly.” I replied.

“So you weren’t undressing her with your eyes, right?” he smirked.

“Shit!” I mumbled avoiding his gaze “Okay, Laurence, she is hot, I admit that, but I don’t like her as in you like a potential girlfriend. Clear?”

He patted my back “You are going through the first stage.”

Was he crazy? “First stage of what?”

“That’s for me to know and for you to find out.” He smiled knowingly.

“Great” I threw him daggers before attempting to leave the kitchen.

“Wait.” He called after me.

I turned around “What?” I said in a rude manner.

“Jake is coming.”

I gritted my teeth as soon as I heard the name of that disgusting individual. I loathed the man.

“Come on, don’t be aggressive.”

“Why did you invite the bastard?” I growled .

“I didn’t invite him. He wants to pay a visit. Especially to you.”

“Well, I’m not staying.” I sipped the tea from the flask.

“You are. You think I’m gonna let you ruin your opportunity to win Allegra over?” he winked.

I simply rolled my eyes “Tell that jerk that he doesn’t want to talk to me if he still wants to see the sun rising tomorrow.”

He brushed me off “So you admit that you want to try to win her heart.”

“I never said so.” I said coldly.

“Whatever.” He just left me in the kitchen. Someone knocked the door but I couldn’t be bothered to go and get it. What if  it was Jake? Well…I was going to kill him.

It was because of him that I had to break up with Caterina, my long term girlfriend. After finishing my undergraduate degree I moved to Italy to study for my Master Degree. And that’s when I met her. I was wandering around, completely lost on the University grounds when I saw this amazing young woman with black curly hair and black eyes.  It was love at first sight. Or at least, it was for me. I had become spontaneous with her. I was living the moment, carpe diem, instead of over-analyzing everything.

Long story short, when Jake, my ex best friend came to visit me in Milan I introduced her to him. The last day of his visit I was supposed to pick him up from the hotel he was staying at. Because it was late and he wasn’t showing up I went to his room’s floor and opened it with my spare key for the room. Let’s way I was shocked when I saw my best friend (sorry for the language that is to come) fucking my girlfriend- soon to be fiancée into oblivion.

And the bitch had the audacity to blame it all on me saying that I was always away, I didn’t give her the attention she deserved. And I answered by telling her that she could have told me , so to discuss our problems instead of spreading her legs for my bastard of a best friend.

The break up left me heartbroken, devastated. I had thought I had found the one….and still after a year I was still feeling sick about all this matter.

The door opened and I heard the ‘voice’.

“Laurence, I gave my favorite flask to party-popper guy!”

He laughed  and closed the door behind her “He has a name, you know.”

“Whatever. How could I be so stupid?” I heard her say in a desperate voice. “I need that flask. You know how important it is to me.”

“Don’t worry, he will give it back.”

“Are you sure? The guy hates me. How can you tell me that he won’t give it back just to hurt me?” That is exactly why you should never listen to someone’s else conversations….they might hurt you.

Did she really think I was a jerk? Me? Hate her? Yes, she wasn’t exactly my best friend, but that didn’t mean I hated her. To be honest I didn’t even know what were my intensions with her.

“Trust me, he doesn’t hate you.” He said in his tone ‘I know it all’.

I felt bad, now, while holding her flask. Therefore I decided I needed to finish the tea, wash the flask and then give it back to her. But stupid me, didn’t remember that the tea was burning hot, so when I gulped the tea down I felt my mouth and throat burst into flames. I started yelling profanities while spitting the tea in the sink.

“Chris?” Laurence inquired curiously.

I tried to say ‘I’m okay’ but it sounded more like “Oy!!”

I opened the fridge, found some ice and threw in my mouth. Now that the flask was empty I washed it and rinsed it until it was perfectly clean. I left it in the kitchen.

I went in the living room where I found Allegra and Laurence sitting on the couch.

“Fitzwilliam…when are you finished with my flask can you please give it back to me?”

Of course I would give it back, but I wanted to tease her “Why? You suddenly want to share my germs, my cooties?”

She rolled her eyes “Really funny.” She sent me an hateful look. Her eyes stared at me, in a sort of stare contest. I felt my heart stop and then start beating as if I was running a marathon. I felt the blood rush to my face. I instantly dropped my eyes to the carpet beneath my feet in order to stop her from seeing that I was furiously blushing. I stood up abruptly, my eyes still cast downward “If you will excuse me.” I ran upstairs and walked past Giselle that stopped me.

“”Chris, are you okay? You are all red.” Giselle note, her voice was definitely worried.  “Do you need help?” she touched my forearm in a soothing manner “I can quickly check you—“  Did I ever tell you that Giselle is a doctor? No, I don’t think so.

“No, thanks. That won’t be necessary. I’ll just go to the bathroom and freshen up.”

“Okay.” She said hesitantly.

“Don’t worry, seriously.” I reassured her. I went to the bathroom and locked the door behind me. I opened the faucet and let the cold water run. I put my face under it and relaxed.

It had been a while before I decided I could go downstairs and join the others. Once I reached the stairs and I started descending them I hear Allegra’s laughter. What was she laughing about?

And then I heard his voice. Oh…the backstabbing bitch was there to entertain us with his stupid stories.

“Chris, hey, are you feeling better now?” Giselle asked when she saw me.

“Yes. Thanks for asking.”

“Chris…” Jake, the leech said with a sadden voice.

“Walter.” I said coldly.

“So now you are you calling me by my last name.” he said surprised.

I deliberately ignored him and decided to concentrate on my task. I took my laptop and started going through some work. However, my eyes were set on Allegra.

“Allegra, you are really beautiful, you know?” Jake suddenly said and took her hand in his.

“Thanks, Jake.” She smiled shyly at him.

“What do you think of me taking you out sometimes?” he asked and gave her his signature charming smile.

“Straight to the point, Jake?” she arched her eyebrows.

“Well yeah, carpe diem.” He grinned.

“I’ll let you know.” She smiled secretly.

A sense of anger possessed me immediately. Why was she acting this way? Suddenly all the smiles….I studied them, how they interacted with each other. They were clearly flirting and their actions left me with a bitter taste in my mouth. I wanted to scream and stop him from hitting on her. The thing that was even more exasperating was that she didn’t do anything to stop him!

Possessiveness….that was what I was feeling.

‘She’s mine!’ I was thinking. Wait what? How could I think that? She wasn’t mine to claim, mine to have.

I brutally got up with my laptop. I couldn’t assist to that awful show. “Bye guys, I’m going to bed.”

“Bye.” Everyone said.

“Chris, can I talk to you?” Jake asked smiling hesitantly.

“No.” I answered coldly.

“Chris, can I talk to you?” Laurence asked.

“Yes.” I gave in. What did he want again?

I went upstairs and Laurence followed me.

“Jealousy.” He simply stated “You are just denying that you are already developing feelings for her. Now it’s just attraction, lust, but it is also jealousy and then possessiveness. I know it will be almost impossible for you to go against your lust for her…and then after spending time with her you are so gonna be in love with her that you won’t be able to imagine how life would be without seeing her, listening to her voice, talking to her, seeing her smile, laugh. And you will be aching for a kiss, you will be aching for her to be yours.”

I looked at him shocked, overwhelmed by all he said.

“I’m not going to argue against what you said, Laurence. You believe in what you want to believe. I’m saying to you for the last time that I don’t like her and I don’t have feelings for her. Goodnight.” I convinced myself and turned around and left him there leaving for my room for the night.

His speech had left me unhappy. Was he saying the truth? I didn’t want to fall in love, and especially not with Allegra Carter.

Chapter 4 – ‘Notte in bianco’

(In Italian Notte in bianco means sleepless night or in this occasion a night sans sex.)

A few weeks had passed since that faithful night and Laurence and I weren’t on the best terms. Thank God he had stopped bugging me about Allegra, however, I knew better. He wasn’t convinced. And the fact that I didn’t see her since that night was getting to me. I dreamed about her almost every night. I was obsessed. My days were spent daydreaming or thinking about her, what she might have been doing, and the nights were spent either awake trying to get some sleep, or dreaming about her and waking up sexually frustrated more than ever.

And the worse thing was that I tried to get it on with other girls but it just wasn’t….I just couldn’t feel any attraction for them, and even if I got carried away, my…I….I think you got it, right?

It was quite embarrassing, you know? A woman willing and ready….and I couldn’t get to…well, whatever.

“Hey, bro.” Kirsten said after getting in the penthouse. “Wanna go out tonight?” she asked grinning.

“Not really, no.”

“Come on. You’ve been sulking for weeks. Stop being an emo and go out. I’m hanging out with a few friends tonight at this club. My mentor is gonna be there, so you can meet her!” she tried to cheer me up.

“I don’t feel like going out, Kirsten.” I argued.

“Why are you being like this? What’s wrong?” she looked at me, worried.

“I don’t know.” I simply stated “You know what? I’m coming with you.” I said just to make her happy. I really didn’t want to go out and meet up with her friends, but I wanted to get her out of my case.

She smiled big and sat next to me on the couch. I put her head on my shoulder and I stroked her hair.

“When do we have to leave?”

“In 5 hours.” She said calmly.

“Okay.” I sighed. It was going to be a long night.

5 hours and 30 minutes later I found myself standing with my sister at the entrance of this new club. I don’t know if it really could be considered a club, it was more of a lounge bar with a dance floor. The atmosphere, even at the entrance, was sophisticated and chic, meaning that not everyone could go in.

“I just texted Al. She put us on the list, so we won’t have any problem getting in the VIP area.” My sister told me while we were in line to get in. “We wouldn’t have all this problems if you would go out more.” She huffed.

I rolled my eyes “Whatever, Kirsten.”

A few minutes later we were being led by a guard in the club. We followed him upstairs where only the elite could go.

Finally we reached our destination and my sister ran away from me and hugged someone.

“Where are the others?” she asked that person.

“They are coming now. I invited a few friends of mine…do you mind?” she said.

I couldn’t believe it. It couldn’t be her.

“Allegra?” I tentatively asked while getting closer to my sister and the stranger.

“Fitzwilliam?” she pulled away from the hug she was sharing with my sister and looked as shocked as I was.

“Well…you already know each other, then.” Kirsten said smiling big.

“Yeah…we do know each other.” She said. It was clear she was feeling uncomfortable as I was.

“Well…how have you been?” I asked, trying to make some small talk. The butterflies in my stomach started fluttering and my heart was beating faster and faster.

“Good. You?” she answered looking me in the eyes.

“Fine.” I said flatly before checking her out.

She was wearing a light blue dress that stopped at mid-thigh and for the first time I was seeing her legs. Her legs were better than I had imagined in the past few weeks and I was feeling the temperature rising by only staring at them. I looked away.

“So…” I said rubbing my neck awkwardly. There was tension between the two of us, I could feel it. Was it sexual tension?

I was interrupted by the footsteps of different people climbing the stairs.

“Hey girl.” I heard a deep voice say.

“Bobby!” Allegra’s eyes sparkled in the light as she walked past me. I turned around to see her hugging a black man, he wasn’t really black, he was probably mixed.

I felt anger, as I saw him hugging her tight. I was mad at that ‘Bobby’ for hugging who was supposed to be mine, and I was fuming because Allegra was letting him hug her and touch her hair.

“I missed you” he said, his voice full of emotion.

“I missed you too. It’s been too long.” She replied. Was he her boyfriend?

He kissed her forehead. That gesture felt like a stab in my back. Why did it hurt so much? I was confused. I couldn’t understand what were my feelings. My mood swings were even worse than a pregnant woman’s ones.

“Hi Chris.” Laurence patted my back “What are you doing here? Did Allegra invite you?”

“No. Apparently Allegra is my sister’s mentor at UN.” My voice was full of rage as I clenched my fists.

“Jealous, aren’t you?” he chuckled “If I were you I wouldn’t worry about the love between siblings.” He smirked and left me alone to reach his girlfriend who was sitting on one of the couches. He sat down next to her and kissed her softly. When he pulled away she smiled at him, her eyes full of love.

I wanted what they had. I wanted it with Allegra.

I liked her. That was obvious.  However, that didn’t mean I had to like it.

The VIP area was getting crowded with people who Allegra seemed to know. I hated absolutely every second of it, especially the look men sent her way.

I took a deep breath before walking up to where she was standing next to her brother. He raised an eyebrow when he saw me approaching them.

“Hello.”I said bravely. Allegra stared at me with nonchalance.

“Hi. Robert let me introduce you to Christopher Fitzwilliam. Fitzwilliam, this is my brother Robert Carter.”

I extended my hand, and he took it and shook it. “Nice to meet you.” I smiled.

“Likewise, man.”

Now that I was closer it was obvious that they were brother and sister. The eyes were the same if it wasn’t for the colors: hers were hazel-green, while his were just hazel.

“Allegra, would you like to dance?” I asked. I was nervous, but I showed confidence, in order to deny her the opportunity to really understand that I was freaking out.

She stared at me, her eyes wide open. She tried to say something, but it seemed completely impossible. She was dazzled. She just nodded to give her consent.

“Let’s go, then. Do you mind Robert?”

He smiled “Not at all, Chris.”

Oblivious to the stare of the others in the secluded area of the club I took Allegra’s hand in mine and I led her to the dance floor. Electricity.

The song that was playing was fast and soon enough we fell in sync with the upbeat rhythm of it.

“This is a really nice club, isn’t it?” she asked.

“Yes, it is.” I smiled at her. I was going to play my cards. Either way I couldn’t stop myself anymore. I wanted her. I was literarily freaking out for my need of her. I had come to the conclusion that I liked her, but this was all on a physical level. The only thing I was sure about was that I was desperately craving for her body.

The song finished and soon enough another started….I knew that song…and I started mouthing the words while tentatively putting my hands on her hips while dancing.

‘She’s the kind of girl you wanna marry, the kind of girl you walk the whole earth for’ Robin Thicke’s voice started singing.

I pulled her closer and our movements were becoming more passionate, sensual. I pulled her even closer so that our noses were almost touching. I leaned in and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

I was waiting for her to stop me and slap me, but the slap never came. As the song progressed, our dancing again became more and more intense. My hands were moving one moment up and down her back, and the next they were either getting closer to her buttock, or messing up her hair. Her eyes were sparkling and I knew mine were to. If I wasn’t mistaken they were full of lust, desire. My heart was pumping frantically in my chest and I felt butterflies moving non-stop in my stomach. For Goodness’ sake was this another dream, another fantasy?

She turned around and now her back was against my chest. My arms went around her waist pulling her as closer as possible. I left a gentle kiss on her neck and she shivered. I liked that. I was the one making her shudder. I kept leaving small kisses on her neck, on her ear, on her shoulder and she whimpered. She was fragile, so breakable...so okay with what was happening. She even started grinding

I let her go. This was no good. She hated me, I couldn’t do this…but now she was facing me again and I was lost observing her lips, her delicate nose, her cheeks, her eyes...

“What’s—“ she started, confusion written on her face.

I interrupted her by putting a finger on her lips. We were still moving at the rhythm but I was more preoccupied tracing her lips with my finger. She trembled under my touch.
I was on fire, I felt goose bumps all over my body.

“Chris…” she mumbled against my finger. My name seemed a verse of a poem when she said it.

“Yes?” I asked, my voice husky.

“Fucking kiss me.” She ordered me.

The girl was seriously bipolar, in my opinion.. She hated me for all I knew. However she had just asked me to fucking kiss her.  Who was I to say no to her?

Both my arms were back around her waist. I leant in and our noses touched briefly. I looked her in the eyes before closing mine and brushing softly her lips with mine.

I felt overwhelmed with feelings. Lust, passion, desire, and electricity, everything….I had never felt like this before that moment.  I never wanted to pull away. I kissed her harder, her hands finished on my hair. I wanted to feel more, much more. I traced her bottom lip with my tongue and she instantly granted me access. Out tongues were dancing together and I felt on cloud nine.

The lack of oxygen made me pull away. She gave a small urgent kiss and took my hand and led me somewhere. I followed her without protesting. We reached an empty room of the club and we started to kiss again, the kisses now even more urgent.

“You’re amazing.” I mumbled against her lips. She smiled and I smiled back.  I slammed her against the wall “Sorry.” I said before devouring her lips once again. Meanwhile my hands started travelling up her thighs. She moaned my name and I felt myself getting more aroused if possible.

“Oh, God, Chris…” she moaned again.

The logic part of me, however, didn’t want to be found in this compromising position in the middle of a club “I want you.” I whispered, my breath worked up. “But we can’t here. Someone may come in and—“

“Shhh.” She said “No one will find us here. And if they do whatever.” She grinned and gently nibbled my neck.

I sighed in delight. Suddenly her legs were around my waist and I gasped, startled.

“Let’s get outta here.” She whispered, her voice husky.

“Yes, let’s get somewhere else.” I said breathlessly.

I helped her unlaced herself from my waist. Her feet touched again the floor. I intertwined our fingers and we got quickly out of the room and the club. She led me to a parking where her car was staying. She quickly opened it and we got in. She attempted to start it but I stopped her.

My lips reached hers and we kissed again. My hands were caressing her hair while hers were working on the buttons of my shirt. I helped her get on me so that she was straddling me again. I pulled down the straps of her dress and pulled away from our heated kiss. I gently kissed her bare shoulder.

“You are beautiful.” I said kissing her shoulder again.

“Am I?” she asked after shivering.

“Yes, you are.” I confirmed.

“So I am not barely tolerable…” she asked, her voice insecure.

“You are not, believe me.” I chuckled. I unzipped her dress and it fell to her waist. “Sei bellissima, Allegra.”

I stared at her chest covered by a blue strapless lacy bra. I licked my lips. I attempted to unhook her bra when she stopped me .

“Fermo.” She whispered.

“What?” I asked immediately stopping.

“I can’t. Non posso. Io dovrei odiarti...”

“Why?” I asked her confused.

“Sono un’idiota.” She talked to herself. She put the straps of the dress back on, and zipped it. She got up from me and sat back in the driver seat.

Slowly my breath returned normal, although my pants were really too tight for me at the moment.

The car was completely silent if it wasn’t for me buttoning my shirt. I tried to make myself presentable.

“Allegra…” I started but decided to shut up. I sighed before opening the door of her black Maserati Gran Turismo S. “Could you please take my sister home, if it’s not a problem…I can’t go back in there acting as nothing has  happened…”

“Sure…” she said avoiding my face.

“Look like you’ll need to christen your car with someone else.” I said sarcastically, my voice bitter. I got out of the car and slammed the door, angry.

I was pissed…she had the audacity to say that she was supposed to hate me! Why? Why when her body told me she wanted me as much as I wanted her. She had moaned and shivered under my touch and kisses. Why make it more complicated? It could have been a one night-stand, or maybe  something more. I didn’t understand her. The last time I had seen her, before that day, she hated me, insulted me, called me a pervert, accused me of checking her out…and now we almost had sex.

I needed someone to help me sort this mess out. However, I couldn’t talk to Laurence…he would have made fun of me. Maybe my therapist would have been able to help me…I really didn’t know what to do.

It started raining and I snorted. That was exactly what I needed. While I walked I realized that maybe Laurence had told me the truth….maybe I really liked her…maybe…I couldn’t entertain that thought, seriously.

Chapter 5- Meetings

I sighed as I finally got home. I was soaked from head to toe, but I didn’t give a damn. I sat on the couch and silently thought of the recent facts. I didn’t understand what was really going on and confusion was definitely overwhelming me.

My cell-phone vibrated in my pocket. I took it out and read it. It was Laurence.

‘What the hell? Were you making out with Allegra?!’

I decided to ignore it. Big mistake.

I was dozing off when suddenly the elevator reached my penthouse. I turned around to see my sister, but it was Laurence. Massive disappointment.

“What happened? Why didn’t you answer my text?” he sat next to me on the couch. I just shook my head instead of answering him “Are you okay?” he asked, his voice full of concern.

“Yeah…I’m fine.” I lied. I didn’t know if I was okay. It seemed  to me that I was everything but fine.

“What happened?” he asked cautiously.

“She hates me, Laurence. She absolutely detests me. What did I do to deserve such a negative response from her part?” I inquired.

“It was the fact that you implied that she was a gansta, and the barely tolerable thing.”

“I was lying there. Come on, it was obvious I wasn’t serious.”

“Yeah, I know, but she is not your best friend. She doesn’t know when you are serious or when you are lying.”

“But she was the one that asked me to kiss her. She was the one leading me to the room in the club and then to her car. She started it all, and then she just stopped me and left me high and dry.”

“That’s why you’re mad? Because she didn’t give herself to you?” he chuckled.

I sent him an hateful look “Maybe….I don’t know. It’s just that we were so into it. I wanted her badly….I still want her badly. And you have to see her. She’s bloody perfect. Her body is so perfect and it just screamed at me….she liked it...she liked what I was doing to her. A lot. Otherwise she wouldn’t have been moaning my name like she was possessed.”

“So now you admit you want her.” He had this mischievous smile on his face.

“Of course I want her. I want to have mind-blowing sex with her. And when I’ll finish with her she will be begging me for more.”

Laurence burst into laughing “Oh man, sorry…it’s just…you’re hilarious. How are you gonna make her beg you for more when she hates you and doesn’t wanna have sex with you?”

“Don’t worry. I will bed her. Just you wait. I’ll charm her and she will fall in my arms…”

“I can’t help you with this. Your solely concern is bedding her…and she is my friend…therefore you change your intentions and try to get something stable with her or something otherwise I won’t support you. I won’t just watch you use my other best friend.” he said seriously.

I sighed “I don’t know if I would want a relationship with her.”

“Well, try to find out.” He stated  “Dude, I do care about you, seriously and I would love for you guys to get together, because I am sure it would work out, but it’s you that is creating all the problems. Until you sort out your feelings for her and you decide what you wanna do with them I can’t really help you.” He pat me on the back “I gotta go now. If you need me, call me.” He reassured me.

“Thank you, Laurence.” I smiled “Take care.”

“Will do.” He stood up and went to the elevator.

I sighed again, as soon as I saw him disappearing. God, Laurence was right. I couldn’t just use her, however, I wasn’t ready for a relationship after what happened in the last one. I’d never admitted this, but Caterina and her actions left my self esteem clearly affected. It was extremely hard for me to trust someone, and considering that relationships are built on trust….

A few days had passed and I was at work. Since that night I had buried myself into work, leaving the office way past 5 pm, avoiding my sister, my friends, and my almost non-existent social life. And I should say that even though I hadn’t seen her for a while, she was still there, present in my every thought. When I woke up my mind instantly went to her, and before falling asleep I asked myself what she was doing, if she was still working or laying in her bed thinking about me, maybe.

The telephone in my office started ringing. It was my assistant. I rubbed my neck and answered.

“Yes, Rachel?” I asked tiredly.

“Mr. Fitzwilliam there is someone who asks to see you.”

“And who would that be?” I asked shocked. It wasn’t my sister, otherwise Rachel would have said so.

“She refuses to tell me her name. She keeps saying that you know her. And she is quite angry, I dare say.” She whispered the last sentence.

I chuckled “Let her in. The worst she can do is yell at me.” I smiled even though I didn’t know who I was letting in my office. However I hoped it would be her. I didn’t know why I was wishing for her to appear in my life again, but I had missed her presence.

“As you wish, sir.”

A few seconds later the door to my office opened and slammed against the wall. I looked up and there she was: Allegra.

“Hello, Allegra, how can I help you?” I asked confused to see her so angry.

“Why did you tell Laurence what happened?” she inquired angrily.

“I didn’t tell him the details, and anyway he did see us making out on the dance floor.”

“That was a fucking mistake. I was…I was drunk.” I stood up.

“You weren’t drunk, Allegra. When we kissed I didn’t taste alcohol.” I walked up next to her, my face only inches away from hers.

Her breath came out more labored. She was affected by me being so close to her. I inwardly enjoyed that.

“You jerk!” she shouted and tried to put distance between us “Do you think I’m some easy girl you can get a quick fuck with, huh?!” she put her hands on my chest and I trembled “And for your information I don’t need to christen my car!”

I took her hands in mine “Listen, Allegra, I am sorry for everything, okay. Let’s start fresh, is that alright?”

She pulled away from my hands “I don’t know if I can do that.” She stated, her hands on her hips.

“Well..” I rubbed my neck uncomfortably “I wanted to give you my excuses for implying that you weren’t beautiful, because believe me, you are. I stated the contrary because Laurence was harassing me in order to make me admit that I feel attraction for you.”

She gasped “You feel…you feel attraction for me?”  she stuttered, her eyes wide.

I instantly blushed and avoid her gaze. I didn’t know what to answer. Either way she wouldn’t like me back and I had to really work hard to play my game with her “Maybe..” I lied.

“Maybe…” she repeated and smirked “I guess we will have to see each other with Giselle and Laurence going strong.”

“Did he tell you…?” I trailed off.

“Yep. Can’t wait to see the ring on her hand.” She genuinely smiled and I felt my heart beating even faster “Now, don’t think that we are friends now.”

“I would never have dared to think so.” I said flatly.

“Good.” She winked and left. What was the wink for?

Time passed faster than I thought. In fact months had come and had gone. The hot and sunny days were over now that we were approaching November and I was even more obsessed with Allegra than before. We always hang out together with Laurence and Giselle and occasionally with my sister.

Even though I was growing more attached to Allegra, she always kept here distances when I was around. That woman was complicated and I couldn’t figure her out. There were times when she would flirt with me, smile at me, even touch my arm, hold my hands. However, those were rare occasions. In fact she was somewhat cold, distant, controlled, as if she didn’t want to show her true emotions. She was wearing a mask, and I was itching for her to take it off and let me see her true self.

It wasn’t only her body I was attracted to now. I liked her, all of her. She met all my requirements…even though I thought that my list was quite bullshit, really. I wrote that list under the influence of alcohol, so it couldn’t be taken that seriously. But she was intelligent, independent and amazing. I saw her working with my sister, a pair of glasses on, concentration written all over the face.

I liked her. And I didn’t know anymore if I wanted her just for sex or if I wanted her as my hypothetic girlfriend.

I sighed while I was trying to adjust my bow tie in front of the mirror.

“Kirsten!” I yelled “Can you help me out?” I asked

I hear someone’s steps. I turned around to see Allegra wearing a pair of boy shorts and a plain t-shirt.  

“What are you doing here?” I said startled. I was confused and delighted.

“Working and sleeping over.” She said flatly “Kirsten is busy, so…”

“Can you please…” I pleaded “I’m already late for this event..the Mack Foundation—“

“Yeah, I know. I was supposed to go.” She walked up to me and worked on my bow tie.

“Why are you not going?” I inquired curiously. I could feel her breath on my neck and I controlled myself to stop from shivering.

“I don’t want to and I have more important matters to attend to than go to a stupid hypocrite event where old men and women will only care about eating and showing off.” She stated simply “Here you go.”

“Thanks.” I leaned in and gave a peck on the cheek. I inhaled her scent “How are you doing?” I said against her neck.

“Fi-fine.” She stammered.

“Good.” I leaned back and smiled at her “It’s been a while since I saw you. What have you been doing these days?”

“Working.” She whispered “Are you busy next week?”

“Why?” I frowned.

“I need help in organizing Giselle and Laurence’s surprise engagement party. And since you are gonna be the best man and I the maid of honor I thought that…you know it will be cute if we…”

“Yes, sure, call me whenever you need me.” I was thrilled. I could spend more time with her.

“Well…I don’t have your cell phone number.”

“Give me yours and I’ll give you mine.” I said gently “You know what, let’s meet for lunch, tomorrow so we can get over the details you’ve already established. When is the party?”

“Next Friday.” She smiled shyly.

“Next Friday.” I repeated “Okay.” I looked at the watch on my wrist and hissed. It was 6 pm. “I really have to go, Allegra. Ask my sister for my cell phone number, is that okay?”

“Sure.” She returned cold towards me “Don’t have too much fun.”

I stared at her bewildered as she turned around and left me there. I shrugged, took my set of keys and left the penthouse silently.

A few hours later I was going to die any moment from boredom.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” someone with a familiar voice asked. I turned around and I saw my uncle Ben and his wife Daphne.

“Hi, Uncle. Auntie.” I hugged both of them. “How have you been?”

“Extremely good, but you haven’t, am I right?” he patted my back. Although his voice was playful, I could tell that he was concerned.

“No, I’ve been better, but that’s life.” I faked a smile.

“Is still Anne following you around?” Daphne asked, trying to stop herself from laughing.

“Unfortunately yes, Aunt, but tonight she seems to have understood, at least for now, that I’m not interested…..”

“Who is she?” my uncle demanded to know as soon as his wife excused herself to say hi to a few friends.

I sighed “No one, Uncle, absolutely no one that I need to be interested in.”

“What’s her name?” he inquired curiously.

“You don’t know her, anyway. What’s the difference if I tell you that her name is Guglielmina or Allegra?”

“What’s her name, folk? Tell me.” He was definitely losing his cool.

“Allegra.” I answered flatly.

“What are you waiting for? Get her if you like her so much.”

“It’s not that easy, uncle. She hates me, and she is so confusing…I can’t afford to misinterpret her behavior towards me.”

“Whatever. I advise you to not waste precious time. She could be the one, you know?” he patted my back again “Now, I need to see to my wife before she makes fun of me by telling her friends one of my embarrassing moments.” He smiled and left me, standing alone in the hall of the hotel hosting the event.

I heard someone calling my name quietly and I turned around to see a friendly face. I walked up to the man and smiled brightly at him.

“Sir…” I took his hand and shook it “How have you been?”

“I think we are way past formalities.” He grinned. I adored that man.

I still remember where I met him for the first time. I was in a café, nervous as hell because I had just submitted an application for an internship at Carter corporation, when a black man with certainly a Spanish heritage and with green-grey eyes asked to sit at my table and we started talking about finance, the growth of the economy….the rest as they say, it’s history. At the end of the improvised meeting the man had told me he was Francesco Carter and that he wanted me to work for him. I ended up working there for a few years until my dear father forced me to take care of the family business.

“Yes, Sir-old habits die hard.” I smiled sheepishly.

“How have you been, Christopher? I haven’t seen you in a while. Why don’t you come and say hi when you come in California?”

“It’s been a long time since I went to California, Mr. Carter.” I answered looking him in the eye. He hated when people avoided eye contact.

“That’s a shame. California is such a sunny place to stay at, I personally prefer it to New York where in the winter the weather is far too cold for my liking.” His grey-green eyes twinkling  with delight at the sole thought of his beloved California.

“How is your family, Mr. Carter?” I curiously asked. I’d never met anyone but Fujiko, his younger daughter, and his wife, Misaki.

“They are all well. My daughter Fujiko is currently studying as a senior at Stanford, while my other daughter, unfortunately, still wants to stay and live in New York City, and Robér spends his time between Los Angeles and London.”

I said genuinely. “I’m happy to hear that.”

“News? Maybe a fiancée or…a wife?”

I faked disbelief “Mr. Carter, do you honestly believe I would have gotten married without inviting you to the wedding?”

He laughed heartily “Of course you wouldn’t Christopher.”

“Good to know that you still trust me, Mr. Carter.”

“How many times do I have to tell you that you can simply call me Francesco?”

“Sorry, Mr. Carter, it’s just that…I’m not comfortable calling you by your first name.”

“Well you ought to get comfortable sooner or later. Are you here alone?”

“Yes, Mr. Carter, my sister didn’t want to accompany me.”

“The poor man is without a date.” He patted me on the back.

“Yes.” I shrugged “It’s not a big deal anyway, I can live on my own.” I said “And you, Mr. Carter? Where is your beloved wife?” I asked.

“Misaki is hunting down Yuuki, my second daughter, trying to convince her to come tonight. I told her it was a waste of time, but she doesn’t listen.” He sighed in defeat “Women. What can you do about it?”

“Yes, you are absolutely right. We will never understand them.”

“Why don’t you come to the Plaza, tomorrow? Misaki and I are staying for a few days in New York City, you could always dine with us, if you want…”

“I will be there, Mr. Carter.”

“I am happy to hear that, Christopher. Now if you will excuse me…” he said when he saw his wife approaching him, her face distressed.

“See you tomorrow, Mr. Carter.” I smiled and left the man to face the wrath of his wife.

I reached my table where I saw Laurence and Giselle sitting.

“Hey Chris.” Giselle said when she noticed me.

“Hello.” I said calmly.

“Hey, man. Do you mind if I speak to you for a second?” Laurence asked, his eyes showed that he was anxious.

“Sure.” He stood up and went towards the garden. I followed him.

We walked in silence for a while, the chilly air present.

“I’m sorry.” He said out of the blue.

I stopped walking and looked at him without saying anything.

“I figured it out now.”

“Really?” I said sarcastically.

Yes. I realized that I have been a jerk, not a friend. I should have let you do whatever you wanted, but you know that I love stuffing my nose in other people’s businesses.” He smiled sadly.

“I know.” I confirmed his last word. “I just wanted you to leave me alone. You know that it is not easy for me after what happened.” I started walking again “I want you to be my best friend. Not Laurence the match-maker, okay? You are the only one that can understand me now, so please, do understand.”

He smiled big at me before giving me a friendly hug.

“Understand you. I can do that. I promise you that I won’t stress you about your feelings for Allegra.”

“Thanks.” I grinned at him “Let’s go back in. Your girl is waiting for you.” I stated.

“You know, you are right.” He smirked. “Can’t wait to take her home and have some fun. This event is killing me.”

I shook my head and smirked back. “Run to her and get the hell outta here.” I encouraged him.

He looked at me in disbelief “I can’t believe that you just said ‘outta’, Chris.”

“Once in a life time occasion.” I gave him a naughty smile. “Go!” I urged him. I didn’t need to repeat it twice. He was already gone.

A strange feeling of sadness overwhelmed me. I wasn’t envious of what Laurence and his fiancée had. I remembered exactly how it felt being in love with someone. I remembered how it felt when you want someone so much that you might die if you don’t have them, how it felt to just look at each other in the eyes and say nothing, because there is no need for words, you complete each other.

Sometimes I asked myself if I had made the right decision when I broke it off with Caterina. Maybe we could have solved our problems, but it is so difficult to trust again someone that betrayed you and left you in pieces.

I was scared, now, because what I felt for Allegra was so confusing and I didn’t know how to act when she was around. Plus, I didn’t want to fall for her.

I came back to my penthouse well past midnight. As soon as I got in I could hear noises coming from the television. I went in the living room and turned the lights on. Instantly the person on the couch turned around.

I fought back a gasp. Allegra was devastated. She had clearly been crying, her face wet from her tears.

“Allegra…” I whispered. I instantly came up to her and sat down next to her.

She furiously wiped her face “It’s the movie…it is so sad…” she tried to justify herself.

I looked at the screen where a familiar scene could be seen “What? The Young Victoria?” I asked in disbelief.

“You silly, it’s just that he died, and left her alone, just like…” she trailed off, unable to continue.

“Just like who?” I asked seriously concerned.

“I’m talking non-sense.” She tried to laugh but her voice broke. The tears kept flowing and I was fighting against the urge to hug her. “It is so unfair that he died so young.”

I wasn’t sure if she was talking about the movie anymore. She was covering her face and she kept mumbling words that I couldn’t quite understand. I took her hands in mine to make her stop furiously wiping her face.

“Let it all go.” I said to her before hugging her close. She immediately hugged me back and sobbed on my shoulder.

I held onto her tight until her sobs subsided and were replaced by regular breaths. I stood up from the couch and picked her up. I went in one of the spare rooms and got her in the bed. I picked up a blanket and covered her with it.

“Blake…” she mumbled and turned around.

I sighed in relief. I didn’t wake her up. However, I was confused. Who was Blake? And why did she kept mumbling that name over and over again?

I left the room, unable to focus on what I had to do. I absent-mindedly reached my room and undressed, before throwing on my pajama bottoms and got in the bed.

This wasn’t exactly how I had pictured the first time Allegra was to sleeping over. But still, it seemed as we had made some kind of progress. She had turned to me when she needed someone to comfort her, even though I wasn’t sure it was just because of the movie. She had turned to me and trusted me with her tears.

Before falling asleep I found my phone and sent a message to Laurence:

‘Who is Blake?’

The answer came a few minutes later: ‘It’s a long story and I can’t tell you everything because it is not mine to tell.’

Chapter 6-  Friendship mixed with Italian Food

I yawned the next morning as I was just getting out of my bedroom 2 hours late for my morning run at Central Park. I hadn’t slept enough and I was distressed. As it was a Saturday, I just needed to go to work for a few hours in the afternoon so basically I had the day free. My face looked like genuine crap. I had to do something about it, especially because Allegra was there and I wanted to give her a lasting impression. I mean, how many times would I have had the opportunity to make her see how sexy I could look just after waking up?

So after taking a shower, brushing my teeth, and leaving my 5 o’clock shadow, I was now leaving my room dressed in only my pajama pants, my hair still wet from the shower.

“Hi, Chris.” My sister said when I joined her in the kitchen.

“Hey, sister, what are you doing awake? I mean it’s Saturday. Normally you should be in your bed.”

She huffed “Yeah, whatever, I just thought it was nice waking up earlier today since we have guests.”

I sent her a mischievous smile “I know.” I messed up my hair with my right hand.

“Eww.” She verbalized “I can’t believe you, Chris, seriously. You disgust me.”

“That’s how it is supposed to be.” I smirked at her discomfort.

“Put a shirt on, please.” She pleaded. I just shook my head and grinned.

“Hello.”

My sister and I turned around to see a messy, but extremely sexy, Allegra. Her hair was messy and all over her face: she looked as if she just had woke up from a night of fire and flames and alcohol…a night of wild and rough sex.

“Hi.” I smiled sweetly at her. My smile turned into a smirk when I saw how she was eyeing me appreciatively. “You like what you see?” I asked in an innocent tone.

She scoffed “As if.” She was avoiding me.

“Okay…” my sister said trying to release the tension that was now filling up the room. “So..who’s up or breakfast?”

“I am.” I smiled at Kirsten and decided to help her cook breakfast.

A few hours later Allegra and I were in her car, driving to this restaurant ‘Baci & Abbracci’ in Williamsburg. I’d never been there and I was extremely curious. She had told me that the restaurant was amazing and that she loved it, plus the food was wonderful and it was affordable. Not that money was a problem. I would have gladly spent a few hundred dollars just to spend time with her.

She parked somewhere near the restaurant and we got out of her car. Thank God for that. I hated the car ride, especially because I kept having flashbacks of what had happened the first time I’d been in it…anyway let’s change topic.

Allegra was wearing a light blue shirt over a white undershirt, simple pair of jeans, and high heels. Now she was almost as tall as me, although I was still a couple of inches taller than her.

“What are you staring at? Come on, Fitzwilliam.” She took my hand and dragged me in the restaurant.

A stupid smile was plastered on my face as a waiter who seemed to know Allegra escorted us to a table. We both got seated.

I frowned when I saw the waiter checking Allegra out. This was no good. I cleared my throat and grabbed the waiter’s attention.

“Can we have the menus?” I asked, my voice icy.

“Ehm…yes, sure.” He said quickly and gave us a menu each.

“Grazie, Marco.” Allegra smiled warmly at him.

A pang of jealously got me. I frowned and sent Marco a look full of hatred and threats. The message was: “Stay the fuck away from her!”

“Prego, Allegra.” He said, his voice slightly nervous.

“Bene, allora io vado.”

“Ecco, bravo, vai.” I mumbled. I looked at him in disgust.

“What’s wrong?” Allegra asked me, confused.

“Nothing…do you have an idea of what you plan to order?” I changed the subject. I didn’t want to admit that I was jealous.

“Yes. I am going for Cozze as a starter, and Linguine alle vongole as my primo. Would you share the cozze with me?”

I just nodded. I did enjoy eating mussels, but I thought that eating them with her would be just a great occasion.

“I’m taking carpaccio di manzo and…ravioli di spinaci.” I said before closing the menu.

“Great.” She smiled shyly at me and fixed her eyes to her hands.

“Well..while we are waiting for the waiter to come, why don’t we start planning the surprise party?” I asked, just to get her attention.

“Huh?” she looked up and sighed “What did you just say?” she inquired, confused, her eyes revealed a sadness I had never seen before.

I tentatively put my hand on hers “Are you okay, Allegra?”

“I’m not.” She sighed again.

“Do you want to talk about it?” I slowly caressed her hand and then squeezed it, to give her comfort.

“I don’t think I should discuss this with you.” She mumbled while avoiding my gaze.

“Oh.” I said and stopped squeezing her hand. “Well let’s get down to business.” I put on a fake smile.

“Yes, let’s focus on this party.” She took out of her bag the famous I-pad. “I was thinking Four Seasons, or the Plaza for the location....if it’s going to be something formal, otherwise we could make it at my house.”

“I don’t know really. Do you have a guest list?”

She produced it from her bag and handed it to me. “Here.”

“Thank you.” The people invited were much more than what I had expected. “I didn’t think Giselle was a person that liked extravagant things…I always thought she was a simple kind of girl.”

“She is…but if we want to throw the party in a major hotel, it is important to have a long guest list, and then, if we consider that Laurence is a business man, it is important for his colleagues and partners in business to be there, otherwise we would create some sort of conflict if we did invite the closest ones and not the other ones.”

I looked at the list. “I agree.”

“Good.” She put her hand on her neck and seemed to touch some kind of necklace that I had never noticed before.

“What are you playing with?” I asked curiously as I observed her keeping to touch the necklace.

“Oh…it’s a necklace…” she said, being clearly embarrassed.

“Really?” I asked sarcastically. “Can I see it?”

“Sure.” She said and took it out from under her blouse.

It was a necklace indeed, but it seemed that there were two rings attached to it. One was definitely a diamond ring, probably an engagement one, while the other one was a white gold wedding band.

“Are you married?” I asked, my voice filled with sadness.

“I am.” She answered, a bitter smile on her face.

“How come I never met your husband?” I was kind of mad at the thought of Laurence not telling me that I was lusting after a married woman who was clearly off-limits. Hey! Why wasn’t she wearing those rings?

“He’s not here anymore.” She said flatly.

“He doesn’t leave in NYC, you mean?” Maybe they were having this long-distance relationship..or maybe they were going to divorce or something…

“No. I mean that he’s dead.” Her words were said with no emotion. I didn’t know what to do. I was slightly embarrassed and I kind of felt sad for her…pity.

“Don’t. Don’t pity me.” She ordered as if she could read my thoughts.

“Sorry, it’s just that..”

She interrupted me. “Yeah, I know. That’s exactly why it’s easier to say that I am not married, because if I say that I am  people start asking me questions I don’t want to answer all the time.” She just stared me in the eye. “Your eyes are just like his, you know?”

“What happened?” I asked cautiously.

“Cancer happened. Well in this case pancreatic cancer. 1 year of chemotherapy, hospital visits, and then he refused to get cured because he was dying anyway, at the age of 28. It happened 3 years ago.”

“Was his name Blake? Because yesterday you kept mumbling that name…”

“Yes. His name was Blake Cavendish…if you don’t count all his other names…”

“Other names?”

“Yeah..” she grinned, her eyes shining. “He hated them, though. He thought they were silly old-fashioned names. I loved them, really. Sebastian Blake August Cavendish.” She sighed happily “He was a great guy.”

“Hi, Allegra!” someone yelled before approaching the table.

“Serena, hi.” She smiled politely.

“Who is this?” she smirked eying me.

“This is Christopher Fitzwilliam, a friend. Christopher, this is Serena.”

“Nice to meet you.” She said and took out a small notepad. “Are you ready to order?” she asked.

Allegra ordered what we had established we were going to eat earlier.

Serena left with a smile on her lips.

Allegra just rolled her eyes “What were we talking about?”

“Wait…you just said to her that I am a friend.” I smiled big “Do you really think so?”

“Well…it’s not like I have any choice.” She said nonchalantly.

“That means a lot to me, you know?”  I whispered, a half-smile on my face.

Her green-hazel eyes immediately met mine, astonishment written all over her face. “Are you serious?”

“Yes. I mean, that means that you trust me, right?”

“I think I do.” She said uncertain.

“Good, then.” I smiled sheepishly. “Anyway..tell me more about Blake. How did you meet him? If you want to talk to me about him.”

“I met him at Oxford. He was a typical British guy of the upper-middle class, he went to private schools all his life and he was studying for his DPhil in Economics, while I was at my first undergraduate year reading Law. I don’t know how it happened, but at the start of my first Michaelmas term at Brasenose College, I decided to meet my neighbor. A friend of his lived across the hallway. I thought it would be nice to say hi, you know, so I knocked on the door and he was the one that answered it. His friend was doing the laundry, so while we waited for him to come we just talked and talked…and the rest as they say, it’s history.” Throughout her story telling she had a dreamy look on her face. She still loved him a lot, even though he wasn’t there anymore to return her feelings.

“College lovers.” I smiled at her and took her hand in mine.

“Yeah.” She shrugged.

Serena came with our antipasti and we started eating.

 I took a mussel out of her plate and popped it into my mouth. Once I swallowed it, I inquired curiously “When did you get married?”

“A year after meeting each other. He proposed to me after we had been together for 7 months. We were both still in college, and our parents wanted us to wait, but we didn’t care. My dad was so pissed I was getting married at just 19, while he was barely 25 and he thought that I was gonna drop college or something. Well I proved him wrong.” She shrugged. “And then we finished college. Together. We moved to Los Angeles, where he was working for a multinational company whilst giving lectures at UCLA, and I was studying for my master in Human Rights Law. We were absolutely fine. We argued sometimes, but you know what they say, what doesn’t break you, make you stronger. He was so happy, and then he started getting sick. We found out that he had cancer, exactly when we had started planning to expand our family. In the end he was just tired. He didn’t have the strength to fight anymore, especially after I lost our baby due to stress and other complications…he just kept blaming himself…and then…he died.” She said carelessly. However, it was clear that she did care, a lot.

I was truly sorry for her. And it hurt me to see her hurting like that, even though she was trying to hide it.

“What about you? Any tragic story to share?” she whispered half-jokingly.

“Well…yes. It is not nearly as tragic as yours, really, but I think it might stand a chance.”

“Pray tell, then.” She smiled sympathetically.

“You know, it’s just the typical cliché story. I had a girlfriend, she was my world. I even proposed to her. And then she met one of my best friends…and let’s just say that I caught them fornicating...”

“Woah….that’s pretty bad, isn’t it?” she was shocked. “Talk about a bitch.”

“Yes…and she had the audacity to blame it all on me, as if it was my fault she had  let my best friend into her knickers.”

She huffed.”Some people are just unbelievable.”

“Tell me about it.” I agreed and shrugged.

“Do you still love her? Do you..do you still care?”

“I don’t know.” I sighed. “I thought I did….but now I am just confused.”

“Why?” she stared directly in my eyes. Hazel-green met blue. And I felt again those stupid butterflies.

“Well it happen a year ago…and I feel that I still feel something for her. It’s not hate, because I know a part of me will always love her. I mean we dated for almost 9 years. We did break up a few times but still…we were living together. Now, however, I think I am finally moving on. I don’t think about her as much as I did before…”

“Is there someone else?” She inquired curiously.

I just blushed and looked away. “Maybe…I am not sure, Allegra.” I replied honestly.

“Well I hope you will figure it out and master the courage to tell her. Maybe she is the one for you.” She grinned at me.

I fought the instinct to laugh bitterly in her face. She had no clue she was talking about herself.

We got back to eating. Soon enough our ‘primi piatti’ were coming and we happily chatted away and got to know each other a little more while eating and discussing over details for Laurence and Giselle’s surprise party.

At the end we agreed that the venue needed to be the Four seasons. We both preferred it to the Plaza, and we knew that Laurence had proposed to Giselle there. We couldn’t decide the color of the decorations, nor the catering. I was insisting on French food, while she was fighting for Italian food. We came to the conclusion that we should choose what the couple favorite dishes were.

I paid for lunch, much to Allegra’s dismay, who wanted everyone to pay for what they had ordered.

“Do you have to be anywhere?” she inquired once we were out of the restaurant.

“Now? No. But in a few hours time, yes. Dinner.”

“Date?” she arched her eyebrow and smirked.

I just stared at her, awestruck. Gosh I can’t believe she was teasing me. She was more similar to Laurence than I would have ever imagined. “No. It’s just dinner with…with a friend.”

“Is this friend the woman you were talking about before? The one you may have feelings for?” she demanded to know.

“No, God, no! I am a guest at the dinner of a friend of mine, who is a he! Dinner with him and his wife…and maybe his kids. I honestly don’t know.”

“Okay. I believe you.” She smirked at me. “Well…now that we are friends I think you can come with me and help me with some stuff.”

“Stuff? What stuff?”

“You know…stuff.”

“No I don’t know, and I am not coming with you if I don’t know what I should be helping you with.”

She sighed exasperatedly. “You are such a nuisance. You’re no fun.” She hit me on the shoulder.

“Hey! That hurt.” I joked.

“Whatever. We are going to play tennis, because I feel like it.”

“And why should I come with you?” I raised my eyebrow.

“Fine, be like that.” She crossed her arms over her chest. “That’s how you treat friends, you shameless person.” She started pouting. “Please…” she batted her eyelashes, her bottom lip started quivering.

“Oh come on, don’t pull that face, please!” I implored her. The typical face I saw her pull on Arisa was now directed at me, and I hated it. “Kristen told you to pull that face, didn’t she?”

“Just say yes, already, or you know what is going to happen.” Her voice was filled with fake sadness.

I put my hands up in surrender. “Okay, I am coming with you.”

“Wicked!” She exclaimed. “More time to go over the party details.” She clapped her hands. “Do you play tennis? Or should I ask if you can hold a racket without killing people?”

“Ah ah. Very funny.” I said sarcastically. “I don’t have any appropriate clothes to play tennis, nor I have my favorite racket. I am not playing. Sorry. And I have to go to work. I totally forgot.”

“Okay.” She sneered. “But be ready, because next time I will ask you to play a match you are coming whether you like it or not.” She huffed and started walking towards her car “Since we don’t have anything to do anymore, as you just spoiled my fun, I am dropping you off at your office or at your house. Your choice.”

“Take me home, so I can take my car and go to the office for a few hours before the dinner.”

She grinned at me “The dinner with your date.”

I laughed “How many times do I have to tell you that it is not a date? You said you believed me.”

“I did. For like two seconds. And then I changed my mind.”

She opened her car and hopped in. I did the same. We sat in silence as she started the car and drove into the traffic. However, it wasn’t an awkward silence. It was quite calm and comfortable.

I’d been experimenting all sort of feelings throughout the time we spent together that morning. I was getting to know her at a level I had never imagined being possible. And I came to the conclusion that even  in a long future there was no possibility for us to be together as a couple. There were too many problems, too many complications. But I was in too deep. I was, unfortunately, already whipped. I was falling in love with her and there was nothing that could change that.

Chapter 7 – Father Dearest and the Importance of Family

“Chris? How are you?” Ben, one of my colleagues/friends smiled at me as soon as he saw me walking towards my office.

I smiled back “I am doing good. What about you?”

“I’m fine.” He smirked. That man was too fun.“The other guys and I are organizing a bachelor party for Finn, remember? They guy from the IT department? Do you wanna come?”

“Sure. When is it?” I inwardly enjoyed the fact that he invited me. My sister wouldn’t bother me because of the lack of my social life.

“Next Saturday.”

“Cool. Where are we going?”

“Strip club.” He grinned goofily at me.

“Does your wife know that?”

He chuckled “Well…not really.”

“Make sure she doesn’t find out, otherwise she will kill you.” I smirked.

“Oh, don’t worry. It’s gonna stay a secret.” He half-whispered.

I shrugged.“Good.”

We stayed chatting for a few minutes before I made my way to my office.

I didn’t even have the time to sit in my chair that the phone started ringing.

I picked it up “Good afternoon, you are speaking to Christopher Fitzwilliam, Chief Executive. How may I help you?”

“I’ve been trying to get in touch with you for days, but you never answer my calls. Is this how you are responsible? Is this how you demonstrate that you are a good son?”

I suppressed a groan. That man. “Hello to you too, Father.” I simply answered.

“Don’t you dare ‘hello to you too, father’ me, young man.” He said coldly.

I sighed exasperated. Richard Fitzwilliam, aka, my father, had the power to make me lose my patience and my apparent stoic mask in merely 2 seconds. I couldn’t stand him. Although I loved him (he is my father after all and I have to thank his swimmers to have given me life), I was convinced that he despised me, hated me, loathed me even. He never approved of anything I did, and stupid pathetic me always tried to do his best and not being a disappointment by making him happy in every possible way. Obviously, it wasn’t enough. It was never enough. I would never be the son he wished for. I would never be someone he was going to be proud of. I was a disappointment. A failure. A stupid insufferable mistake he wished was never even born.

“I am sorry, father. Although I can explain my not being in contact with you in this past week.” I could feel a headache starting. I rubbed my temple repetitively trying to sooth the pain I was feeling. “My schedule was pretty full throughout the week, and today is the only day in which I didn’t have any meeting or appointment already scheduled. If you are concerned about the profit of the company I am more than happy to reassure you of the fact that sales are going really well, and I can prove it to you. As soon as I switch on my computer I’ll email you the data.” I inwardly crossed my fingers, hoping he would accept my explanation and let me be.

“Fine. Email the data to me. I want an apology.” His voice was icy as ever, as it was always when he thought I was good enough for him to waste his breath to talk to me.

“I apologize, father.” I said flatly.

“This sort of behavior is completely unacceptable, especially from you. Try not to forget that, even though I hate admitting so, you are the heir of my empire, the company your grandfather and I spent our lives working for, and therefore you must be grateful and respectful.”

“You are right, father.” His words hurt me more that I would ever let him know. “In fact, I am grateful and respectful.”

“You are a shame and a disgrace. I am ashamed to call you my son.” He sighed. “I expect something like this will not happen ever again, Christopher.”

“It will not, father.” I wanted to punch him, even kill me. I still didn’t understand why he hated me so much. He blamed me for things I never did, he insulted me, he never trusted me. I had always tried to be like him, I had  looked up to him, and for what? I had always did as he wished! I had worked hard to get accepted to Yale, because he wanted me to go there, just because Fitzwilliams had always gone to Yale. I had to resign from my previous job for Francesco Carter’s company in Italy just because father dearest wanted me to work for him. And for what? To live a miserable life and being a CEO who wasn’t appreciated, but more like hated, disliked and considered scum. I had been extremely happy when I was working for Francesco. That man was like a father to me. Hell he had been in those years a father to me more than that stranger who thought he had the right to label himself with the term. Father. Father? Can you consider yourself a father when you ignore your son, you hate him, and try to crush his self-esteem every time you talk to him? What kind of father is that? One that I don’t want to be.

“Good, son.” The last word said with a distinct bitter and sarcastic tone. “Try not to disappoint me further more.” And he hang up.

I slammed the receiver on my desk and silently screamed. That man was going to drive me crazy, someday. I put my head in my hands and I tried to calm down. I was tough. I was strong. I had promised myself, when I was a teenager, that I wouldn’t cry anymore when father insulted me. Right now I was having a hard time keeping that promise. But I would. I couldn’t cry anymore. I had cried too many tears for him, and he definitely didn’t deserve them, nor did he deserved my love, and my respect.

I sighed again. I had to see my therapist. He would be able to help me.

A few hours later I found myself being led in the Plaza’s penthouse.

As soon as Francesco saw me, a huge smile broke into his face.

“Hello, Christopher. How are you doing?” he asked after shaking my hand.

“Good, Mr—“ I interrupted myself when I saw the scowl on his face. “Francesco. What about you and your family?” we reached the living room and sat on an expensive beige couch.

“They are doing fine.” He answered beaming.

“I am happy to hear so.” I smiled in return. “So, will your wife and the rest of your family be here for dinner?”

“Oh, well, Misaki and Fujiko will be here. However, Robèr is back in London, while Yuuki doesn’t really like family dinners. Maybe because every time she comes her mother tries to set her up with someone.” He sighed “I am worried about my second child. Do you have any advice? I remember that you were actually good at helping other people.”

“Francesco, I can’t even relate to your problems. I don’t have a daughter, nor a son. I can’t think like a parent.” I raised my hands up in surrender.

“I know, but maybe you can be objective about the issue.” He almost pleaded me.

“Go on, then.”

“Well Yuuki is pretty antisocial when it comes to our family and all the events hosted by high society. I don’t know what to do with her. She avoids her mother, and sometimes she avoids me too. Yuuki and I were really close, and even though I know that she still loves her parents, I don’t understand why she doesn’t want to spend time with the family. I am concerned.”

“Talk to her. That is the best thing you can do right now. Reassure her. Make sure she understands you are here for her whenever she needs you. Eventually she will open up. Maybe she has a valid reason to be avoiding you, or high society in general. You just need to get to know that reason and be there for her.” I reasoned.

“Thank you, Christopher.” He smiled. He stood up and went to the mini bar “Do you want anything?”

“…a glass of scotch, if you please.”

“Scotch it is.” He said before taking two glasses and pouring the alcohol in them.

“Oh Christopher, do you plan to work with my husband ever again?” Misaki said while coming down the stairs.

“Hello Mrs. Carter.” I stood up and smiled sweetly at her.

“Please, call me Misaki, darling.” She came up to me and took my hands in her own. “How long has it been since I have seen you, Christopher?” she asked in a severe tone.

“I know, I know and I am sorry.” I said sincerely. “I will make it up to you, Misaki.”

“Good. That was what I wanted to hear.” Her signature smile was back on her face….and I swear I had seen it before….it was quite familiar. I had seen someone else smile like her…but who?

Francesco handed me the glass. “Thanks.” I said.

“Don’t worry, son.” He said in a gentle tone. “So…how are you? And this time don’t lie to me.”

Damn…that man knew me so well that he already knew something was wrong.

“It is just my father being his loathsome self.” I shrugged. “Nothing major, don’t worry.”

“Are you sure?” Francesco asked. Concern was written all over their face. “Because you know that you can work with me anytime. You can resign and come to Los Angeles, or even go back to Italy, if you want to.”

“I can’t. I am sorry. I have obligations towards my family, and although I would love to work for you again, that is not a possibility.”

“Well I tried.” Francesco said after shrugging.

“Come on, let’s go to the dining area. Fujiko will join us shortly.”

Dinner was absolutely perfect.

After Fujiko joined our party, it was even better. I didn’t remember she was so playful. She reminded me a lot of Allegra. The arguments of discussion at the dining table changed constantly, ranging from the latest political issue to the latest fashion show. That is how family should feel like. I was just sad that Francesco’s elder daughter didn’t  realize what she had.

Right now we were back in the living area conversing while listening to Schubert.

“Tell me, Chris…how’s life treating you?” Fujiko asked, a little concerned.

“Fujiko, don’t worry, I am fine. I swear!”

“Are you finally over that bitch?”

“I may be. I’m just not a hundred percent sure.” I answered sincerely.

“You will be fine. I tell you so.” She smiled, sure of what she was saying.

“Thanks. I really appreciate it.” I whispered in her ear.

“You are welcome.” She whispered back before starting giggling.

I chuckled “How’s university?”

“Can’t wait to get it over and done with. For now everything is good. I am really fond of my major and minor. Economics is my passion, and History as well.”

“Did you study something that concerned both?” I inquired.

“Yes. I have been taking Economic and Social History for a while now, and I enjoy it.”

“Do you already know what you want to do after University?”

“I’ll probably study for a master and work for my dad, but the plan is either to work for an NGO in Global Development or the IMF. I am glad that my parents are backing me.”

“Do you have any contact with the UN? My sister, Kirsten, is doing an internship there. If you need help…”

“Sure. I mean, my sister is working there, but I wanted to apply for the Internship and I have no idea how it is. I am pretty scared, actually.”

“Really, Yuuki works for the UN? I didn’t know that.”  I said surprised.

“Yes, she does. And she absolutely loves it.” She smiled.

“A friend of mine works at the UN headquarters, but she works mostly in the Human Rights department.”

“What’s her name? Maybe Yuuki knows her.”

“Her name is Allegra. Yuuki may know her. For what I’ve been told she is kind of popular in the workplace. You remind me  a lot of…what’s wrong? Are you okay?”

Fujiko stared at me with her green eyes wide, mouth agape. A look of plain disbelief on her face. “You say her…her name is Allegra?” she inquired.

“Yes. Why?” I asked, confused.

“Ehm…nothing…believe me, it’s nothing.” She smiled uncomfortably.

I looked at my watch. “It is time for me to go. How long are you staying here Fujiko?”

“As soon as Thanksgiving pass by, I am back to campus.”

“Well maybe I’ll see you before that.” I shrugged.

“Cool.” She smirked.

I looked at her confused but I got interrupted because Francesco wanted to talk to me.

“What are you doing for Thanksgiving?”

“Nothing. I’ll probably spend it with my sister, why?”

“Do you wanna spend it with us? Your sister can come as well.”

“I can’t give you an answer. Father may ask us to spend it with him. We will see. Now I have to go. It is already over midnight and I have things to attend to.”

“Are you sure you can’t stay a little more?” Misaki asked, pleaded.

“Yes, I have to go, but I’ll call you.” I reassured them.

“Drive safe.” They smiled at me.

Misaki and Fujiko hugged me, while Francesco just gave me his hand to shake.

“Bye.” They said unanimously.

“Bye.” I smiled back and exited the penthouse.

That was the kind of family I always wanted. That was fun.

I heard my I-phone vibrate in my pants’ pocket. I took it out. The screen showed that I had received a text…from Allegra.

It said:

‘I hope you have fun with your friend, who is a he, and his family (or if you lied to me, than have fun with your date.) Your friend x’

I grinned. I knew I was over Caterina, now. I cared for Allegra, deeply. She was quickly becoming a major part of my life, and right now I was glad to call myself her friend.

But I wanted more. So much more….

Chapter 8- “Skin”

“That was fun.” Allegra grinned. With the racket in hand she walked to the bench were she got a small white towel out of her sports bag. She passed it on her forehead and neck to wipe away the sweat. “I have to admit that you are good.” She took a bottle of water and threw it at me.

I caught it. “I know I am good.” I grinned back at her.

“Aren’t you just Mr. Modesty?” she lamented.

“You are just jealous that I beat you.” I replied.

“Yes, because you were cheating.” She looked at me in a very irritated way.

“Why would I cheat?” I looked at her confused.

“Because you are a jerk?” she crossed her arms to her chest. I had to stop myself from staring at her. Wouldn’t be good if she slapped me because I was ogling over her body. And I was ogling indeed.

“Have you ever been told that you don’t answer a question with another question?” I joked.

“It wasn’t a proper question. It was a rhetorical question with a positive answer.” She muttered.

We were playing tennis in a indoor tennis court, the day before Laurence and Giselle’s engagement party. I was out of breath, not because I  was running after a ball merely 2 minutes earlier, but just because Allegra was breathtakingly beautiful in her tennis outfit. She was wearing a light-blue polo, a white skirt that stopped mid-thigh and a pair of white and light-blue sneakers. Her hair was restrained by a blue elastic band, and a white wristband was set on her left hand. She was gorgeous….and I knew I would have hard times erasing this image from my mind. I knew I was going to dream her, and I knew the mornings would be difficult. Why was she so hot? Urgh!

“Are you okay?” she asked worriedly.

“Huh?” I inquired confused.

“Whatever.” She shrugged. “I think we should hit the shower. I’m tired.”

“Sure.” I smiled at her. I couldn’t stop noticing how her lips moved sexily as she spoke words. I was enchanted. “See you in a few.”

‘How I would love to hit the shower with you.’ I thought.

 My dreams and daydreams about Allegra were becoming more and more constant in my life (basically everyday) , however they weren’t just sexual. A few days before I had found myself dreaming something shocking.

I shook my head and went in the changing room. After stripping I reached the shower where I let the cold water stop my growing libido.

As I closed my eyes I re-ran my latest dream.

Allegra and I were attempting to cook pancakes together. Well she was, while I was trying to seduce her. She was giving me her back. My arms went around her waist.

She giggled “Come on, Chris, stop it otherwise I will burn our breakfast.”

I answered by starting to leave kisses on her neck.

She started moaning before turning around and waving her finger on my face “I’m being serious now, Chris.” Her eyes were betraying her, though. They were full of lust. “I have to finish cooking breakfast, and you should already be gone to wake the kids up.”

“Let them sleep, and then we will get them ready to go in the afternoon.” I kissed her neck again and she shivered.”So that now we can enjoy our time together…in our bed. There is this new position..” my hands tried to get under her t-shirt.

“Chris, get a grip.” She turned around again and paid attention to the pan on the stove. “Last night we promised we were going to the park this morning.  Do you want to see their little disappointed face? And you know how Rebecca can be…”

“Okay, okay…I’m going.” I surrendered.

“Good boy. And you know that I give special treatments to good boys. Tonight we are free to try any new positions you want us to.” she said suggestively.

“I’m counting on it.” I grinned goofily when she looked at me.

I climbed the stairs and reached a room. I opened the door slowly to see two children sleeping peacefully, each on their own bed.

“Becca? Alex?” I whispered to try and wake them up.

“Huh?” Alex, my 5 years-old son opened his eyes and looked at me confused. “Dad?”

“It’s time to wake up.” I walked up to his bed and messed up his hair even more. He looked so much like his mother. The only difference were his eyes. They were blue, instead of hazel-green, just like mine.

He rubbed his eyes and got out of the bed. He exited the bedroom.

“Becca.” I called out again and stroked her cheek.

“Daddy?” she inquired in her baby voice. I moved the sheet so that I could pick her up.

“Hey princess.” I kissed her forehead and hugged her to me. “Now Mom is preparing breakfast. Pancakes, your favorite. You want some?”

“Yay!” she grinned at me.

“Good.” I went back downstairs were my wife was serving breakfast.

Once I reached the table I put Rebecca in her high chair.

“I love you.” Allegra mouthed at me.

“Do too.” I chuckled.

Wow. I opened my eyes again. First sex, now marriage and children. I was going too much ahead. I had known Allegra for a few months and my mind was already telling me that maybe I wanted to live the rest of my life with her. Talk about commitment.

While I was drying myself with a towel and dressing again, I couldn’t help but smile as I thought of my imaginary children. They both had gorgeous faces and they looked so much like me and like her. I would love to hug them. Unfortunately they were just a part of a dream, a dream I wanted desperately to become true. And I was going to work hard to achieve my dreams. No matter what one day Allegra would be my girlfriend. I just needed to make her fall in love with me, first.

“You look good.” Allegra said once I was out of the changing room.

“Thank you.” I avoided her stare. My cheeks heated up.

“Are you blushing?” she asked curiously. “Aww...how cute.” She grinned. “Come on, give me a hug.” She smirked.

“No, thanks.” I said embarrassed.

“Well, I’m serious. Gimmie a hug.” She opened her arms and expected me to hug her.

“Didn’t Laurence tell you that I can’t stand slang?”

“Yes.” She smirked. “Come on, dude. Would it kill ya to give your friend a hug? Huh?” she dramatically changed her expression and her bottom lip started quivering. I seriously wanted to trap it between my lips.

“Okay.” I whispered. I closed the distance between us and hugged her tight.

I felt safe. Nothing could go wrong if she was right in my arms. I smelled her hair. Vanilla. That was the most delicious thing I had ever smelled.

“You look good and you smell great, Fitzie. What’s your secret?” she whispered in my ear.

I immediately stopped hugging her. I pulled away and she looked confused.

“Fitzie? What’s that?”

“It’s my nickname for you. It’s short for Fitzwilliam. Don’t you just love it?”  she giggled as we started walking out of the tennis-club.

“No, I don’t like it. At all.”

“Well that’s your problem, because now I’m gonna call you that, Fitzie.”

I groaned in frustration. “I will find a nickname for you, just you wait. And you will hate it, trust me on that.”  I muttered.

“I want your cologne, Fitzie. So good. And you should wear jeans more often. They make you seem less…less…”

“Less what?” I wondered.

“Less stuck-up. You are much more laid back. And the blazer over a simple t-shirt do wonders. You wanna go shopping with me one of these days? I could dress you up.”

“I am not a doll, Allegra.” I said flatly.

“I know.” She said sarcastically.

We reached my car. I opened the door for her and closed it once she was in, before going the other way and got into the car myself.

I started the engine and drove.

“Where are we going?” she asked after a while.

“The Four Seasons to see if everything is on schedule for tomorrow.” I said coldly.

“Hey, Christopher…are you mad at me?” she inquired cautiously.

“No. I am not.” My voice was once again flat.

“You are.” She sighed heavily. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to imply that you were a doll. You are not a mannequin I am spending my time with because I don’t have more important things to do. I really consider you a friend, Christopher. Obviously you don’t like playing around. I won’t do it again, I promise. It’s just that I get carried away a lot. Laurence doesn’t mind but you do. Cool. I mean…I like hanging out with you, really. But I understand if you don’t want to hang out with me anymore---“

“You’re talking too much, Allegra. There’s no point in babbling. I wasn’t being serious. I was pretending to be offended.” I smiled at her.

“And the man smiled.” She giggled. “You should smile more. It suits you.”

I gave her a small smile “Thanks, but no. I don’t have much to smile about anyway.”

“You have. You just don’t realize it. You know what? You need to get laid. Wanna go clubbing?”

I started coughing almost uncontrollably. “Say what?!” I asked in disbelief.

“You need to hook up with someone. One night-stand, pronto!” she grinned at me. “Someone who will take care of you for just one night. No string attached.” She shrugged “Or maybe you are too attached to the girl you are thinking about…will I ever meet her?”

I blushed a deep shade of pink and I pointed my eyes firmly on the road. “No, I don’t think so.” I muttered avoiding her eyes.

“Then let’s go clubbing, if you want to, obviously.” She assured me in the end with a small smile.

“I don’t know if you have noticed but I am not a social person, Allegra.” I stated.

“Yeah, I figured that out. If you don’t wanna go, cool.”

“Thanks.” I answered. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.” She said while trying to put on the radio. The music started playing instantly. “Rihanna? Seriously? I never took you for the Rihanna type.”

“In fact I am not. My sister does, though.”

“That explains everything.” She smirked and started singing to S & M.

“Cause I may be bad, but I'm perfectly good at it 
Sex in the air, I don't care, I love the smell of it 
Sticks and stones may break my bones 
But chains and whips excite me.”

She was completely into the song. But then she looked at me. “Oh, sorry…you wanted to ask me something…..what is it?”

“I have to go to a wedding this Sunday…and I don’t have a date. Would you please come with me, as my date, please? A date with a friend, obviously.” I was quite desperate. All week I had tried to master the courage to ask her, but I always backfired at the last minute. Now Sunday was fast approaching and the thing was that if I didn’t ask her I would have to go alone.

“Why didn’t you ask earlier? Now I have to find a dress…or maybe I can find something in my closet.” She punched my shoulder.

“Is that a yes?” I smiled hopefully.

“Yes, Fitzie.”

“Great. Thank you.” I grinned happily.

“My..my. You are grinning. I didn’t know that was even possible.”

My grin got larger.

“Let me change song, Fitzie.” she changed songs until the one she wanted to hear started playing.

It was ‘Skin’. That song always made me think about Allegra.  I didn’t really know why. Maybe it was the sexual content.  Without noticing it I started to mumble the words.

“The mood is set

(ha ha)

So you already know what's next

(uh huh ah)

TV on blast,

Turn it down,

Turn it down.

Don't want it to clash,

With my body screaming out

(no-o-o)

I know you hearin' it,

(hu-u-uh)

You got me moanin' now.”

“You actually know the words!” Allegra exclaimed as soon as she caught me .

“Yes.” I shrugged before starting again to sing softly.

“I got a secret that I wanna show you, oh.

I got a Secrets Imma drop em to the floor, oh.

No teasin',

You waited long enough.

Go deep,

Imma throw it at you,

Can't catch it.

Don't hold back,

You know I like it rough.

Know I'm feelin' you, huh.

Know you liking it, huh.” She sang with me at the top of her lungs. Her voice was simply amazing. I loved it.  And then it was time to sing the chorus. I raised my voice and sang.

“So why you standin' over there witcha clothes on,

Baby strip down for me,

Go on take em off.

Don't worry baby,

Imma meet you half way,

Cause I know you wanna see me.” Her hands were on my thigh. I felt the butterflies in my stomach, and the familiar stirring in my loins. She was dancing on her sit, and while she moved her hands kept caressing my thigh. I can’t believe that I was singing this song, with her. Seriously. I am not a singing person. At all.

 Her voice was husky, the typical husk you hear in someone’s voice when they are aroused. Well it’s not like my voice was something different. It was even more huskier than hers, low.

We sang, and her voice dropped even lower when we reached the second chorus of the song.

“No heels,No shirt,No skirt,

All I'm in is just skin.

No jeans,Take em off,

Wanna feel your skin.

You a beast, oh.

You know that I like that.

(your skin)

Come here baby,

All I wanna see you in is just skin.

(o-o-oh oh oh oh your skin)

(o-o-oh oh oh oh just skin)

(o-o-oh uh oh oh im lovin your skin)

(oh oh)”

She started touching my neck. I couldn’t sing properly anymore. What the heck was she doing? She was probably getting too much into the song. In the back of my mind the image of her dancing, stripping while this song was playing in the background. We would go to my room and I would make her mine, until she would beg me to stop to get the energy so to have sex later on.

“All in baby,

Don't hold nothing back.

Wanna take control,

Ain Nothing wrong with that

Say you likin' how I'm feelin'

Gotta tell me that.

Just put your skin baby on my skin.”

I was once again whispering the lyrics. I couldn’t sing out loud. I hoped she wouldn’t notice that I was fully excited now. My jeans were too tight for my liking….and we had to go to the Four Seasons. I couldn’t believe it.

“No heels, No shirt, No skirt,

All I'm in is just skin.

No jeans,Take em off,

Wanna feel your skin.

You a beast, oh.

You know that I like that.

Come on baby,

All I wanna see you in is just skin.

All I wanna see you in is just skin.

All I wanna see you in is just skin.

Oooh

All I wanna see you in

All I wanna see you in is your skin, oh.” She sang. I had stopped singing ages before. I was concentrated on staring at her as much as I could while driving. She was gorgeous. Absolutely amazing. She was fun…she was intelligent. In those days I found myself talk to her about everything. It was mind-blowing, and although we didn’t necessarily agree, it was fantastic arguing with her. And something got to me, right then.

I wasn’t falling in love with Allegra. I was already in love with her, and there was nothing I could do about it.

“Fitzie…are you okay?” she was worried about me.

“Yeah…yes. Could you please stop touching my thigh? It’s not that…” I was seriously embarrassed.

“You really need to get laid.” She smiled when she noticed the bulge in my pants. “I’m honored, by the way.” She started giggling. I found myself smiling, grinning and finally chuckling. Yes, I was in love with her, but I didn’t regret it.

“Where are you taking me, Christopher?” Laurence demanded for the thousandth time. “You made me dress up and now you aren’t telling me where we are going.” He was restless.

“Don’t worry. We will be there soon.”

It was the night of the surprise party and Laurence and I were both wearing tuxedos. I did convince Laurence to go out with me, even though he didn’t know where we were ahead. However we were going to the Four Seasons, and soon he would see his beloved and they would finally see the surprise party we planned to celebrate their engagement.

Laurence kept nagging me about telling him where we were going, while I was trying to stop myself from hurting him, throughout the entire journey to the hotel.

“Here we are!” I exclaimed. Finally. 10 more minutes in the cab with him and I would have seriously attempted to make him shut up. I paid the cab driver.

“The Four Seasons? Wow, fancy much?” he asked grinning.

“Yes.” As soon as we were out of the cab I closed the door behind me. “And now you will meet Giselle.”

“Really?” his eyes shone.

“Yes, really.” I dragged him in the hotel. Allegra and Giselle were waiting for us.

“Hi.” Allegra greeted us when she saw us approaching them.

“Hi…” I whispered, too shocked to say anything.

She was absolutely gorgeous. Her hair was up in a stylish up-do, however, a few strands were falling down. Her make-up was flawless, giving her a natural touch. Her neck was adorned by the usual chain, with the two rings which reached the valley between her breasts. She was wearing a strapless grey dress. The bodice was form-fitting, and just under her breasts a strip, a darker-grey than the dress, enhanced her body. The skirt flowed on her body. 

“You are beautiful, Allegra.” I said to her. I hugged her briefly and smiled, still in awe, at her.

“You look handsome, Chris.” She touched my arm slightly. Butterflies.

I blushed lightly. “Thanks.”

“Are we ready to go?” Allegra said once she saw Laurence and Giselle lost into each other’s eyes.

“Where?” Giselle asked confused.

“You’ll see.” Allegra reassured them.

Giselle took Laurence’s hand in hers and waited for us to lead them where the party was taking place.

As soon as the door was opened for us everyone was silent. We entered the room and once they saw Giselle and Laurence they started clapping. Their families assaulted them and hugged them.

Allegra was still on my arm when Francesco approached me.

“Francesco?” I asked confused. “What are you doing here?”

“Dad? Christopher you know my dad?” Allegra was shocked.

“Well well..” Francesco grinned “And I thought I would have to introduce you two. It seems to me that you already know each other.”

“But I thought your daughter’s name was Yuuki..” I was more confused than ever. Francesco was Allegra’s dad? Well now that I thought about it they looked a-like, and her surname was Carter.

“It’s a nickname, Christopher.” Allegra explained. “I can’t believe you are the Christopher my dad considers like a son.”

“Tell me about it.” I was astonished.

“Wow.” She said bewildered.

“Ehm…so, you are coming to say hi to your mother and sister, Yuuki?” Francesco asked unsure of his daughter’s answer.

“Of course.” She tensed immediately. A fake smile on her face. “I presume you have met them before?” she looked at me.

“Yes, I have.” I whispered.

“We are going then.”

Francesco led the way and we followed him.

“Keiko!” Fujiko stood up from her sit and came up to her sister. Allegra let go of my arm and hugged her sister for dear life. 

“Tesoro.” Allegra kissed her cheeks.  “It’s been so long since I’ve seen you.” She said, her voice thick with emotion.

Fujiko pulled away and looked at her sister disapprovingly.“Mi sei mancata. Perché non vieni mai a trovarmi?”

“Non posso, lo sai. Il lavoro.” She shrugged.

“Allegra..” Misaki said softly.

Allegra sighed. “Mom.” Allegra said, her smile turning fake again.

Her mother hugged her. “I missed you, child.”

“I missed you too.” Now her smile was truly genuine.

I looked at Fujiko who was smirking, her eyes fixed on me.

“You knew!” I accused her.

“Yes, I knew. I wanted you to figure it out though. It was fun seeing you shocked.” She grinned at me. I put on my offended face. “Come on, don’t be mad at me, Chris.”

“This is the last time I’m forgiving you, Kiko.” I surrendered.

She hugged me tight. “Thanks, Chris. You’re the best.”

I later found myself wondering around the tables  to try and avoid people. I was seated with Laurence, Giselle, Allegra and my sister. I went to a secluded spot where I knew nobody would bother me.

“Chris.” Someone said behind me and scared me.

I turned around and saw my sister and Fujiko. “So much for a few minutes alone.”

“How long?” Fujiko asked.

“I beg your pardon?” I frowned at them.

“How long have you been in love with Allegra, you stupid drama king?” Kirsten was already losing her cool.

“Hey. Mind your language, okay?” I said defending myself.

“Sorry, it’s just that I knew you like her but you now…I mean, you love her, don’t you.”

I never said it out loud and I wasn’t ready to say it yet. I just nodded.

“It’s so obvious.” Fujiko grinned at me. “It would be amazing to see you two together…but I don’t know if she is ready for that…you have to try, though.”

“I know…she might reject me, no, scratch that, she will reject me, but I don’t know how long I will be able to resist not telling her my feelings.”

“Well don’t resist. Tell her now. Maybe she will…”

I sighed deeply. “No, I can’t.” I shook my head. “Not now, not yet.”

“As you wish.” Fujiko said.

“You will tell her sooner or later. I will make sure you do. I’ve never seen you like this, bro. She might be the right one. I just want to see you happy.” Kirsten explained to me.

“I know.” I smiled awkwardly and kissed her cheek. “Now you guys go have fun while I stay here for a while.”

“You ask her to dance with you. But dance properly for God’s sake. I don’t ever want to see you again grinding her on a dance floor. You gave me nightmares for weeks.” She pulled a disgusted face.

“And I am supposed to be the overdramatic one.” I jokingly punched her on the shoulder.

Soon after they left I found myself wanting to go back to the lobby and leave the party for a while. I was stopped by the great unbearable Anne. She was dressed in a nice long green dress that made her eyes stand out.

She smiled at me and caressed my cheek. “Chris, where are you going? Won’t you dance with me?”

I took her hand so to stop her from touching me and quickly let it go. “Yes, Anne. How could I forget to ask you to dance?”

She giggled and gave me her hand to take. I ignored it and walked right beside her.

When we arrived on the dance floor I took her hand in mine and placed her other one on my shoulder, while my other hand went for the small of her waist.

I didn’t know the song. I just knew that it was a love song.

“How have you been, Chris? It’s been so long. What do you think about getting a drink sometimes?”

“Sorry, I can’t, Anne.” I said matter of fact.

“Oh. Are you dating someone?” she was quite disappointed.

“No, I am not. I don’t really—no.” I stuttered.

“What’s wrong then? I mean I always liked you and you like me so—“ she started but I interrupted her.

“Stop right there, Anne. I never liked you that way. I am sorry but you are my best friend’s sister and I just can’t see you like that. You are like a little sister to me.”

“Oh.” She said, her voice broke a little. “I understand.” She looked into my eyes and shrugged. “It’s not your fault. No butterflies…”

“Hey.” I tried to comfort her by getting closer. “You will meet someone who deserves you, who will love you more than I ever would.” I kissed her forehead lightly. She deserved some kind of comfort…I mean, I was breaking her heart.

“Really? You really think so?” She looked me in the eyes.

“Yes.” I looked at the other side of the room where a chestnut haired guy with brown eyes I always saw at galas and parties was sending me daggers because I was dancing with Anne. “It will happen sooner than you think. You just have to let it happen, Anne.” I smiled down at her.

“Anne…”  it was Allegra. My heart started beating faster. Anne turned around.

“Allegra.” She smiled. I couldn’t tell if it was real or fake. “Excellent party, by the way.”

“Thanks. Ehm…you see the guy that is looking this way? Well he asked me if I could ask you to dance with him. Will you?” she looked hopeful while she smiled sheepishly.

“Why not?” Anne shrugged. “You don’t mind, do you?” She looked at me and waited anxiously for my response.

“Of course not. Go and have fun.” I smiled encouragingly at her.

She moved away from me and Allegra and walked towards the guy who was grinning nervously.

“Match-making Allegra? I thought that was Laurence’s job.” I smirked at her and held out my hand “May I ask you to dance?”

“Of course, Sir. I would be delighted.” She put on a British accent and put her hand in mine. I hugged her close and we started dancing a walzer.

“The party turned out to be pretty amazing.” I said softly while looking her in the eye.

“It’s because of the amazing planners. We did great. Maybe they’ll ask us to plan their wedding. Wouldn’t that be awesome?” her eyes were full of glee.

 I looked down. “I don’t know. It could be, but I never organized a wedding, so I really can’t tell if it will be ‘awesome’.”

“It’s similar to organizing a party in a much larger scale.” she said sure of her herself.

I shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“Whatever.” she dismissed the topic and then she hugged me closer so that our bodies were almost glued together. Her head was resting on my chest while we danced the slow dance quietly together. “You look great tonight.” She smiled at me.

“Well you look beautiful. The dress is amazing.” I grinned at her.

“Thanks, Fitzie.”

When the song was almost over, Allegra’s eyes were staring at me.

“What?” I was slightly embarrassed.

“You’re hot.” She kissed my cheek. “Any girl would be lucky to have you.”

“Well the only girl I want doesn’t like me that way, so—“

She pecked my lips. “She doesn’t know what she’s missing, then.”

I was stunned. I was tempted to tell her that I loved her, but she wasn’t feeling the same way, so what was the point? I smiled sadly at her and kissed her forehead, her cheek, and then the corner of her mouth.

The song ended.. “I have to go to the restroom.” She said obviously flushed. “See ya later, dude.” She pulled away from our embrace and walked fast away from me.

 I sighed in defeat. I was hopelessly in love with her. And I was also hopeless: she would never love me back.

Chapter 9- Sex Therapy

“Yo ready to party?” Ben asked me while shouting over the music playing in the limousine they had booked for the night.

“Not quite yet.” I looked down.

He rolled his chocolate colored eyes at me. “You need to get laid. Seriously, man. How long has it been since you fucked a girl’s brain out?” he inquired frowning at me.

“Yeah, man. What about that girl that came to your office? Gosh that woman was freaking hot. I thought I was going to melt when I saw her in her pencil skirt. You had a piece of that?” Mark, another co-worker, said loudly.

“Who? Allegra?” I shrugged “She’s just a friend.”

“So you’ll let me bang that? Her ass is to kill for.” Jeremy grinned goofily.

Finn nodded. “I am getting married tomorrow, but the woman has it.”  He handed me the second round of rum and pear juice.

“At the count of three, the drink goes down!” Ben yelled. “One, two, three!”

We downed the drink.

We made a big varied group. We were 8 men. Ben was the loudest, after a couple of drinks at least, and he was the one I was closest to. He had brown eyes and dark blond hair and he always made people smile. His wife was just as fun as him. Her name was Danielle and she was a close friend of mine.

Mark was crazy, but he was great in his job. He took care of human resources management. He was an Afro-american 35 years old fellow who was happily married to an Indian  psychologist named Lalita.

Jeremy, the youngest of the group (just 26 years old), was single, and as he always said, he wanted to have fun before settling down with someone. He had brown hair and green eyes women died for.

Then there was Finn. I didn’t know much about him. He was a nice boy, 30 years old, who was getting married tomorrow with a girl named Stella.

Emilien was British and French. He had grey eyes and black hair, and he was Finn’s best friend. He was quieter than the others, a bit like me, and he didn’t speak that much if he didn’t have things worth saying.

Kenzo, as his name suggested, was of Japanese descendent. He was half Japanese and half American and he was basically the one I spoke Japanese to. He was my teacher sometimes. He worked as a manager for the PR department. He had  black onyx eyes and dark brown hair. He seemed a serious person but when you got to know his you would understand how serious he was not. He loved to laugh and he loved partying. How many times I’d been dragged to some club by him? Too many, in my opinion.

And final was Riley, who I had just met that night. He was a tall Australian guy with eyes the color of the ocean and brown hair.

“So what will we do?”

“We have a hotel suite where a few strippers will join us, and then we’ll go clubbing where some of us will get wasted if they aren’t already. Hopefully not the groom or the best man. You, Chris, will drop your stick-up-your-ass attitude and you’re gonna find a woman.” He handed me a few condoms. “Remember to always wear the cap. No unplanned pregnancy or STD, ‘kay?”

I frowned at how many condoms he had given me.

“What? You may need more than one if you’re lucky tonight.” He winked at me. I rolled my eyes.

Then he distributed condoms to those single of the group: Jeremy, Riley, and Emilien. Jeremy looked like a kid receiving candies. Pathetic.

The limousine stopped in front of ‘Soho Grand Hotel’.  I’d never been there, but from what I had heard it was a luxurious hotel with a modern touch. Nothing like The Plaza, the New York Palace, The Waldorf Astoria or the Four Seasons.

We walked in and went straight to the reception.

“Good evening, sirs, how can I help you?” the consierge asked in a professional manner.

“We made a reservation for the Penthouse Loft North for tonight. The name is Parker.” Ben, who had organized the whole thing, smiled happily.

The consierge eyed me before typing the name in. “Yes, Finn Parker.” He turned around and took a key card. “Are you all together, I presume.”

“Yes, we are.” Riley spoke awkwardly.

The man decided to give us more key cards, in case someone was going out. “Check out is at noon, or maximum 1 pm.”

We handed a few of our credit cards for him to detract the money from.

“Enjoy your stay, sirs.” He said sternly.

“Thank you.” A few of us answered before going for the elevator.

“Let’s go gentlemen. The night is young and we have so much to do.” Jeremy was practically on the ball of his feet because of his excitement. I rolled my eyes at him.  “Come on, Chris, you know you wanna have fun. And we all are gonna make damn sure that you do, ain’t it the truth?”

“Yep.” Mark said by patting my back in a friendly manner.

I rolled my eyes again. Spending time with Allegra was surely helping my eye-rolling ability.

As soon as we went in the elevator we noticed the presence of the porter.

“Which floor, sirs?” he inquired wearing a fake smile.

“The last one. We are having fun in the penthouse.” Kenzo grinned.

“Get ready to party!” Riley yelled and high fived Finn and Emilien.

The porter resisted the urge to roll his eyes and pressed on the elevator button that indicated the last floor.

I sighed. That was going to be a looong night.

Once the elevator dinged and its doors opened we stepped into an amazing two rooms penthouse. Our eyes flew to the amazing view of the city the windows offered.

I had never been here, but if I was ever going to get married this penthouse was going to be the theatre of my bachelor party. I observed the living room which led to the 2 bedrooms.

“I found the bar.” Emilien yelled from the other side of the living room.

“Cool.” Ben smirked before walking where Emilien was.

My eyes were fixed on the door that led to the 1,200 sq ft terrace who featured a living room seating and a separate dining area. The loft had an unique atmosphere. It was glamorous, smart, modern, and the vintage chandeliers gave it an extra stylish and classy touch that rendered it the more appealing.

The guys could mix drinks all they wanted. The only thing I cared about was relaxing. And I was going to get loose. No matter what.

I decided that I would explore the terrace later and plumped down the first couch I saw. I smiled lightly. I would love to spend time with Allegra, here. I would love making her mine in one of the deck chairs I had seen.

Kenzo handed me a drink. “Here you are.”

I looked at it and frowned. “Are you kidding me? A Long Island Ice Tea? That’s like telling my liver to die.”

“Live men.” Kenzo smirked and downed his own Long Island Ice tea.

I followed his examples and drank.

That was the first of many cocktails. Once I started drinking, I walked myself to the bar and asked for another drink. Soon after I was at my 4th drink, and I felt more relaxed, more easy-peasy.

I didn’t notice the strippers (they were 3) coming in, but they were suddenly there dancing and taking their maid uniforms off to reveal their bodies. One was straddling Finn, while the other ones kept dancing around all of us.

At the time I was already light-headed and I was chuckling at everything people were doing or saying.

After a while I found myself being dragged to a club not too distant from the hotel by Jeremy, Emilien and Finn. Ben had decided to go home once the strippers were wearing only thongs, saying he needed sex and only his wife could satisfy his needs. Kenzo was so drunk he fell asleep in one of the rooms, while Riley was having a threesome with 2 of the strippers.

Jeremy went straight for the dance-floor having eyed a certain red-head he was already itching for. Emilien and Finn grinned at him while I just rolled my eyes. We made our way to the bar and ordered a round of chupitos.

We downed them.

“Damn, man.” Emilien said after clearing his throat. He turned around and stared. I couldn’t see what he was eying, but I guessed it was a girl he might be attracted to. “Isobel…” his voice full of amazement. “What are you doing here?” he inquired nervously.

“I could ask you the same thing.” A delicate and low voice said, barely audible over the music.

And then we saw her. A woman not older than 30 was standing near Emilien, a mischievous smile on her face.

I stopped myself from gaping. She had a head full of black hair that barely reached her shoulder. Her mocha chocolate skin was absolutely flawless and could make a man suddenly hungry. Her eyes were a dark chocolate brown full of delight. She was wearing a nice white top that was adorned by a flower on the right shoulder and a pair of black skinny jeans that accentuated her curvy figure. She was beautiful.

“Hi Finn” she gave him a small wave before  setting her eyes on me “And…”

 I swallowed “Christopher.”

She extended her hand for me to shake. I took it and a warm feeling suddenly appeared in my stomach.

I looked her in the eyes and found myself smiling.

She smiled back shyly. “I’m Isobel, Emilien’s sister’s best friend. Nice to meet you.”

“Likewise.” I said nervously. I broke the contact between our hands. “Would you like to dance?” that was the alcohol talking, otherwise if I would have been sober I would have never asked her just like that to dance.

“Sure, why not?” she took my hands in hers and led me to the dance-floor.

The DJ was playing ‘Slow dance’ by Keri Hilson, a song my sister was obsessed about. We were right in the middle of the floor. She put my hands on her waist while hers were placed on my chest.

We danced slowly to the song and talked as much as it was possible with the music bursting our eardrums.

“Do you have a girlfriend?” she asked me while getting closer to me.

“No…” I sighed in defeat.

“Oh…you like someone, am I right?”

I shrugged. “Yes, but she doesn’t see me that way.”

“That’s a pity because you are such a handsome man.” She smirked at me and winked.

I blushed. “Well, thank you.” I murmured and directed her with a small sheepish smile.

She grinned.“No problem.”

“What about you? Do you have a boyfriend, a fiancé or a husband?”

“No. My boyfriend dumped me a few weeks ago.”  She explained, her face morphed in a mask full of pain.

“I’m sorry.” That’s the only thing I thought about saying to her.

“I’m not. I am better off without him.”

I pulled her close. “Good then.”

“Good.”

“Anyway…you are beautiful, Isobel.” I complimented her.

“Why, thank you.” She said making a small curtsey bow. Her eyes were again at my level and I couldn’t stop myself from staring at her lips. How soft could they be?

“I…” my mouth felt dry. I swallowed and licked my lips.

“Do it, if you want to.” She smiled reassuringly at me.

My arms pulled her even closer. Our faces got inches closer and closer so much that our noses were touching. Our lips met …and I felt something. It wasn’t as strong as what I felt for Allegra…but it obliged me to close my eyes shut. The intensity of the kiss was getting stronger and stronger, while one of my hand was now on her hip. She moaned and I took the opportunity to sneak my tongue in her mouth.

I was suddenly lucid. I couldn’t blame my spontaneous behavior on the alcohol. But I was undoubtedly driven by my libido. I needed to get laid. Period.

I found myself grabbing her buttocks as we kept kissing each other on the dance-floor, the music forgotten. I pulled away for the lack of oxygen.

“Let’s go…” I whispered huskily “Let’s go where nobody can see us.” I nibbled her ear lobe and she whimpered. I immediately smirked smugly.

She nodded, unable to answer me coherently.

I took her hand in mine and dragged her out of the club, without bothering saying to the guys I was leaving. As soon as we reached the street, I didn’t waste time and I hailed a cab. We started to kiss each other again hungrily and lustfully once we were in the cab and I had given the driver my address. We couldn’t keep our hands off each other, in fact they were everywhere all at once. Mine found themselves under her top, near her bra. She took the initiative of sitting on my lap kissing and nibbling my neck. I could see the driver shaking his head slightly at our public display of affection, but I couldn’t care less.

When we arrived I gave the driver the money and I got out of the cab. I helped Isobel getting out of the cab before closing the car door behind her. We grinned at each other and suddenly my lips were again on top of hers. At some point I picked her up, her legs around my waist for support.

I don’t remember how we went in, or how, as soon as I opened the door to my penthouse, our clothes disappeared. We just got carried away and I was soon having pure breathtaking sex with Isobel against the front door, on the floor, on the kitchen isle, in my bed, in my shower…let’s just say thanks to Ben for having given me lots of condoms.

Hours later I opened my eyes and instantly closed them. What the heck was going on with the blinding light?

Wait….my arms were around someone’s waist. Someone naked….’yep, did have sex last night.’ I thought. What now? The woman in my arms started stirring. Isobel!

I tentatively opened my eyes just to get used to the light. Great, I didn’t need a hangover messing with my head right now. My head was pounding in a obscene manner. Man, I was never going to get drunk again. I kid you not. I tighten my grip on Isobel’s waist. The woman was a sex kitten. She knew how to dominate as well as letting me take control.

I felt her hand caressing my chest sweetly.

“Hangover?” she murmured, her voice hoarse for the screaming…ehm….let’s say I was giving myself a pat on the back.

“Yes. You too?” I asked softly.

“Yep.” she kissed my chin and attempted to get up but I stopped her.

I looked at the alarm on my nightstand and saw it was only 10 am. “Let’s stay in bed. You don’t have to be anywhere, do you?” I kissed the corner of her mouth.

“I need an aspirin.” She whispered.

“Okay.” I let go of her waist. I got out of bed and went for the aspirin in the bathroom cabinet and 2 bottles of water in the bedroom small refrigerator.

“Thanks” she said when I handed her 2 pills and one of the bottles.  She swallowed the pills. I did the same.

We stayed in silence for a while. The embarrassment was obvious. We had spent the all night having sex, but now that we waited for the effect of the aspirins to kick in it seemed really hard for us to be able to talk about anything, really.

“Do you have a condom left?” she asked curiously.

I turned around and stared at her. Her eyes showed the mischievous light I’d got to know during our night.

“Yes, why?” I was confused. I couldn’t understand why she wanted to know.

“Let’s put them at good use, don’t you think?” she smirked smugly before crawling to me.

I admired her naked body. My mouth started to water. I handed her one of the wrapped condoms that were on the bed.

“Just lie down. I’ll take care of everything.”

A few hours later I was sitting on my bed with Isobel after taking a shower (together) and eating something. She was wearing one of my t-shirts above her underwear, whereas I had only a pair of pants.

“I’m spent.” She told me and smiled at me tiredly.

I closed down the distance between us and caressed her upper arm. “Same here.” I stroked her cheek and touched her silky shoulder-length hair. I sighed.

“Hey Chris. Don’t worry. I am not after a relationship. I just needed sex. I know this sounds really bad, but..yeah.”

I sighed in relief. “I’m sorry. It’s just that I’m not really good at one-night stands and I kind of feel like shit right now because it seems like I cheated on myself. I am in love with someone.” I smiled at her and kissed her lightly on the forehead.

“What the heck?!” I heard yelling. It was from the living room.

“Oh crap. My sister.” I sighed desperate. “She is going to kill me.”

“Christopher Thomas Fitzwilliam!”

I stood up and put on the first t-shirt I could find in one of my drawers. “I’ll be right back, Isobel.” I opened the bedroom’s door and closed it behind me.

Was I ready to face my sister’s wrath? No way in hell.

“Tell me you didn’t.” she implored as soon as she saw me. She wasn’t alone. Allegra apparently had accompanied her. She was holding a bag with what I assumed was the dress she would be wearing for the wedding that afternoon. She waved awkwardly. She looked upset. Why?

“Hi girls.” I was blushing, burning with embarrassment.

“Did you use protection, at least? Gosh, Chris! This place smells like a brothel.” She was exasperated, and she was definitely getting on my nerves.

“I did use protection. I’m not an irresponsible teenager. I am 32, thank you very much, Kirsten.” My voice showed my plain irritation at how she was treating me. I felt already like a horrible person because I did not respect my feelings for Allegra, even though she didn’t feel the same.

“How could you?! After what we talked about the other day! You’re a dick, Christopher. You’re—“

“Shut up!” I interrupted her. I had never yelled at my sister. I guess there is a first time for everything.

She looked at me completely stunned.

“You need to stop, Kirsten. I am not a child. I can take care of myself and I do make my own decisions. I know what my feelings for her are, but she will never love me anyway. I needed a distraction. Isobel needed a distraction too. Mind your own business.” I said coldly.

I could see her astonishment and her eyes filling with unshed tears.

“Dad is right. You’re just a heartless person who doesn’t deserve people’s affection!”

I gaped at her. She didn’t….tell me she didn’t! She knew how sensitive I was when it came to our father and the way he treated me. I had no words. I felt my eyes fill with unshed tears. I couldn’t believe it.

Kirsten covered her mouth with her hand. We stared at each other for what seemed like ages. “Oh Gosh, Chris, I’m sorry. You know I didn’t mean what I said.” She tried to apologize but I couldn’t bear her stupid excuses.

“You did mean it, otherwise you wouldn’t have said that. I can’t believe it. You’re just like him, always taking his side. You know how he…you know what? Forget it.” I whispered, clearly heart-broken. I couldn’t believe that my own sister could have hurt me so badly.

I retreated to my bedroom, by ignoring her cries for attention.

“Are you okay?” Isobel said to me as soon as she saw me.

“No. I’m not.” I shrugged and swallowed the tears. “I’ve just found out that my sister hates me.”

“Oh.” She came up to me and hugged me. “I left my number. If you need a friend to talk to…I’m here, Chris.” She kissed my cheek.

I hugged her and we stayed like that, in the middle of my bedroom, for a while.

“Sorry to keep you here. I have to get ready for a wedding I need to attend.” I said feebly.

“See you, Chris.” She kissed my cheek once again and pulled away.

She got her purse and I accompanied her to the front door.

My sister stood up when she saw us appear from our bedroom. “Chris I….” I gave her a look that told her to shut up.

“Bye, Isobel.” I gave her a small smile.

“Don’t worry, Chris. Everything will be alright.” She grinned at me and caressed my cheek before turning around and leaving.

“Allegra?” I called once I went back in the living room. Seeing her made me smile immediately. She was beautiful as always. I can’t believe I cheated on the love I have for her.

“Yeah, Fitzie?” she answered. She seemed different. I couldn’t quite get what was the problem.

“Are you still going to be my date for the wedding in a few hours time?”

“Sure.” She smiled awkwardly at me.

Chapter 10 – Family ties and Jealousy

“You do realize that your sister didn’t mean what she said, right?” Allegra asked with concern after half an hour in the car.

I was driving us to where the wedding was taking place: a nice Victorian building in the outskirts of New York City.

I sighed exasperatedly “Can we talk about something else, please?”  I spared a glance at her before getting focused on the road once again.

“Okay.” I could see her rolling her eyes with the corner of my eye.  “So…you followed my advice.”

“What advice?” I inquired. Was she normal? What was she trying to get at? I was already tired. I didn’t want to talk at all and if in any other occasion I would have loved discussing with her, I just didn’t feel like chatting.

“I said to you that you needed to get laid. You did get laid. Congratulations!” I could literally feel that something was off when she said so. A veiled of bitter sarcasm seemed to be present in her ‘congratulations’.

I shrugged. “I don’t know what to say.”

“Are you planning on seeing her again?” she seemed nervous. Why?

“Probably. On a strictly friendly basis, I think.”

“Oh. But this still has the potential of becoming something more. I mean you seemed to have enjoyed her company. You could tell from the environment.” She stared at her nails as she was talking, with an air of non-chalance that she sported when she cared about something but didn’t want people to know.

“What are you worried about?” I genuinely wanted to know what was going on in her head.

“Pff. Why should I be worried?” she nervously laughed. She avoided my stare.

I braked at the red traffic light.                     

“Is there something wrong?” I was concerned now. Was she hiding something from me?

“I…I am just stunned. I thought you didn’t want to get laid because you had feelings for someone and then you go and have sex with a stranger.”

“I needed sex, I was drunk. I mean I did know what I was doing and I feel guilty about it because I did not respect the feelings I have for…the woman I am in love with. I behaved like a hormonal teenager. That’s all.” I explained myself, even though I had no clue of why I was doing so.

“Fine.” She whispered in an unsatisfactory tone. “I thought we could do something next weekend.”

“Like?”

“Baking. I got this new recipe and I want to try it out. Will you help me?”

“Sure.” I smiled at her genuinely.

The wedding had been a complete success. The bride, Stella, was absolutely stunning in her ivory sleeveless dress. The ceremony had been really emotional especially when the bride and groom said their vows. Their declarations of love for each other had brought Allegra to tears. She was a softy after all.

While I was following the ceremony I was daydreaming about a future day when Allegra and I were going to get married. Instead of Stella walking down the aisle, Allegra would be coming towards me in an amazing white simple but incredibly detailed dress. I would be the one getting married. We would have a fantastic reception surrounded by family and friends and then we would leave for the honeymoon, possibly in Japan or Italy where I would lead her to our hotel suit, carrying her over the threshold and make love to her until her voice was hoarse.

“I’m tired.” Allegra whispered in my ear as she was sitting next to me at the table that was reserved to us. I shivered.

“Me too.” I whispered back.

The ordeal was almost over. Mr. and Mrs. Parker had already left and now the remaining guests were mingling around to get some extra food or just hang out.

“Tell me about your father.” She requested, out of the blue.

“I don’t really consider him as my father. He’s a bit of a sperm donor to me.” I grimaced. “He’s just annoying, and he seems to find amusement in hurting my feelings and constantly humiliating me. He’s never really happy when I succeed, so he always finds a way to criticize what I do.” I sighed. “I loved working for your father. I would have worked there forever, but father dearest had do demand that I worked for the family business. He threw the mum card by saying that my mother would have liked me to work for the family. He hates me.”

“Oh Christopher, that might not be true, you know?” she tried to comfort me, to no avail.

“Trust me on this. He hates me.” I shrugged. “But you know what? It happens. Sometimes parents have children that they cannot stand to see the sight of. It’s okay. I will survive.” I gave her a small smile.

“Your sister loves you, Fitzie. She really does. She was just mad at you. Don’t let her words get to you.”

“They already got to me, and I cannot do much about it. I can’t forget what she said. She sided with him even though she knows and she had seen the constant verbal abuse I have to endure. I don’t even know if I can forgive her.” I stated firmly. “Let’s go, Allegra. It’s late and I don’t really want to fall asleep whilst driving.” I stood up and held my hand out for her. She took it in hers and we walked hand in hand out of the wedding reception and to my car. Electricity, that’s what I felt, and butterflies.

I felt better after talking to her. She was just really easy to talk to. I couldn’t seem to understand how I had opened up to her so easily when it had taken me ages to open up to my therapist.

Allegra was special. I loved her. I just could keep hoping that someday she would love me too.

“Laurence, stop! Give me back my phone.” I was now fully irritated. Laurence could be such a kid. We were all having dinner at Laurence’s apartment.

“Who’s that?” he asked in a sing-song voice. “Isobel?” he inquired confused? “Isn’t she the girl that you hooked up with?”

Allegra who had been laughing until then became suddenly serious. Giselle looked at her oddly.

“Yeah, she is.” I answered. “Can I now please get my phone back?”

He handed it to me without making a fuss out of the whole situation. He was keeping his promise to be just a friend and not match-making Laurence.

I answered the call and stood up and got in a corner of the room. “Hey Isobel.”

“Hi Chris. How are you doing?” I could hear the smile in her voice as she was greeting me.

“I’m doing great, thanks. I’m having dinner with a few friends. How about you?”

“Nothing much, really. I’m watching a marathon of Johnny Depp films on television.”

“Oh yes. Your obsession for that man.” I laughed.

Over the weeks I had kept in contact with Isobel and she was a great friend. She was an economic trends analyst at an investment bank. And she was so fun that I actually loved spending time with her.

“Don’t mock Johnny. You know that I will stop talking to you for a few hours if you say anything against his acting abilities.”

“Sorry. I won’t offend your sensibility, dear woman. Well why did you call?”

“Can’t I call a friend when I want to?” she asked with fake innocence. She was a terrible liar.

“Of course you can, dearest Isobel. However, I know that you wanted to ask me something.”

“Do you want to come over, tomorrow? I’m throwing a party and I wanted to know if you would like to come? You can bring as many friends as you like. Bring Allegra too. I want to get to know the woman who stole your heart.” She snickered in the end.

I sighed in fake exasperation. “I’ll ask some of my friends if they want to come, and I’ll try to force her to come. Happy?”

“Of course, Mr. Fitzwilliam. The party starts at 8 pm, and is at the beach house. Do you have the address?”

“Yes, I do.” I reassured her.

“Cool. Now I have to go, commercial time is over! Bye!” she hung up and left me no opportunity to reciprocate her salute.

“Done.” I said as I took my seat back at the table.

“You’re growing awfully close to this Isobel.” Allegra noted after swallowing down some salad.

“She’s fun.” I answered simply.

“Uh.” She observed. What was her problem? I didn’t get her at all.

“Oh by the way she is throwing a party tomorrow and she asked me to bring some friends. Are you up for it?”

“Yeah, sure.” Giselle said.

“I’m coming.” Laurence stated happily.

“Allegra?” Giselle tried to gain her attention.

“Sure.” She said flatly. She didn’t seem to be in the right spirit to attend a party.

“Perfect. The party is taking place at her beach house.”

Allegra rolled her eyes. “Do you plan on dating her?” she asked uncertain. Her voice hid controlled irritation, anger even? What was wrong with her?

“No. She’s just a wonderful friend.” I answered her question, a bit annoyed by her attitude.

She rolled her eyes. “We know. You told us like a hundred times.” She snapped.

“Sorry.” I snapped as well. I was fed up with her attitude. Every time Isobel came up she got frustrated, annoyed, irritated. She didn’t even know her! “I will refrain from boring you.” I said sarcastically.

She sighed deeply. “What is your problem, Fitzwilliam?”

“No. The question is what is your problem, Carter? You’re so irritable and annoyed at me for some reason. Is it your time of the month or something? I don’t understand you.” I was completely clueless. I couldn’t understand what her problem was at all. I wanted to know what was bothering her, but she always avoided answering. She even avoided me.

“Yeah. It’s the time of the month.” She said feebly. I didn’t believe her at all. Liar.

I rolled my eyes. “Whatever.”

“Whatever?” she repeated stunned of my dismissive attitude.

“Yes, whatever, Allegra. Keep lying to me. I don’t get you. You avoid me and when we have to meet up you always cancel at the last minute. Did I do something to upset you? If that’s the case, tell me! I thought we were friends. What happened?” I was hurt by how she was treating me lately. For the past few weeks she had been giving me the cold shoulder. It seemed as if she had taken a few steps back and reverted to hating me.

“You see things that are not there, Fitzwilliam.” She stated coldly.

“The fact that you call me Fitzwilliam already tells me that you are lying and that there is something wrong.” I spat.

“Guys, calm down.” Giselle intervened. She looked worried.

“Tell him to calm down.” Allegra answered. “You are delusional, Christopher. I’m not mad at you.” The last sentence was said through gritted teeth.

“Whatever.” I stood up from my seat. “I’m going. Call me when you start acting like an adult, Allegra. See you all tomorrow at the party. I’m going to text you the destination, Laurence. Allegra I’ll pick you up at 3 p.m.”

I didn’t give her the chance to object. I just turned around and left.

“Chris, talk to me, please.” My sister pleaded. She sat down next to me on the sofa and I just stood up to avoid her. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean what I say.” She sighed.

I didn’t even look at her.

“Will you keep ignoring me? I said I’m sorry! What do I have to do, beg for your forgiveness?!” she asked exasperatedly.

I put my running shoes before looking at her. “No, Kirsten. You don’t have to beg. You don’t even have to ask for my forgiveness. It’s all up to you.” I said softly.

“Really?” she asked surprised. She smiled big.

“However, I can’t forget what you said to me. I think that it is best for us not to live together. I found you a nice apartment three blocks away from the UN headquarters.” I explained coldly.

“Are you telling me to move out? You’re basically throwing me out on the street?” She looked at me incredulously. I could see her eyes welling with tears.

I felt a bit guilty. Just a little bit. “Technically I am making your life easier. You won’t have to commute anymore, and I will be paying your rent, so you don’t have to worry about asking your father for money.” I said coldly. No compassion in my words.

“Why are you doing this, Chris?” her face was now wet with her tears.

I shrugged. “If I don’t recall wrong, I am just a heartless person who doesn’t deserve people’s affection.” I tried to hide the hurt in my voice but I wasn’t really good at it.

“Oh, Chris...” she sighed. “If I could take those words back, I would. I don’t think what I said. I was upset, because I want you to be happy in life, and I know you will be with Allegra. I exaggerated in every possible way, by trying to control your love life. I shouldn’t have done that, and I’m sorry. But you’re my brother, and I love you so much that it hurts to know that I messed things up.”

“I have to go. I’ll see you later.” I told her. I took my keys, and went for a run. I had a long day ahead of me. Isobel’s beach house party was that night, and I was going to talk to Allegra on our drive there.

She had been weird. I really needed to find out what was wrong with her.

Chapter 11- Fucked and Abandoned with a Broken Heart

“You look stunning, Allegra.”

“Thank you, Christopher. You don’t look half-bad yourself.” She commented politely, a small smile gracing her features.

We were in my car, on our way to Isobel’s beach party. Allegra was wearing a beautiful white summer dress with spots of different shades of blue that stopped just above her toned legs, which by the way were driving me crazy. However, I couldn’t go gaga over her. We had problems to solve. And I had to drive.

I sighed, desperate to know what was troubling her. “Did I do anything wrong, Allegra? If I have done anything that upset you in any way, please, forgive me. It wasn’t in my intentions.” I made the first move. I was tired of this situation I wanted my friend back.

“You did nothing wrong, Fitzie. It just isn’t the best of times for me. I get incredibly paranoid when April approaches. It reminds me of how fragile human beings are and I become a real bitch. I’m sorry.” She explained. Her hand rested on top of my right one. She squeezed, and I squeezed back

“You can talk to me, whenever you need someone, or if something else is not okay…” I looked at her, eyes filled with concern.

“Everything is okay. Trust me”

“No problems?”

“Not that I know of.” She shrugged.

I knew she was lying but I decided to not press her on the matter. When she would be ready, she would tell me herself.

“Here we are” I grinned at her. A line of cars was parked all the way to Isobel’s beach house.

“Great!” Allegra said with fake enthusiasm.

“You don’t even know Isobel. What did she ever do to you?” I inquired cautiously.

“I’m just concerned about you. That’s all.” She reasoned. She wasn’t telling me the whole truth.

I sighed in defeat. There was no way she would tell me what was wrong.

I parked my car before killing the engine and stepping outside. I closed the door behind me and went to the passenger’s side to open the door for Allegra. She smiled back in sign of gratitude.

She took my hand in hers and together we walked towards the front door. I was thrilled by her gesture, but I decided against asking her about it, afraid she would deprive me from this simple physical contact that was making me all warm inside.

I was going to ring the doorbell when Isobel opened the door and hugged me tight.

“Oh Chris.” She whispered before kissing my cheek

Allegra broke our contact. I tried to hide my disappointment.

“It’s been too long.” Isobel smiled warmly at me.

I chuckled. “It was last week, Isobel, that we last saw each other, remember?”

“Whatever” she pursed her lips and then noticed Allegra standing right beside me. “Is she who I think she is?” she inquired cautiously. Her voice full of barely controlled excitement.

I merely nodded.

“Allegra, I can’t believe we finally meet each other. Chris told me so much about you. I’m so sorry we didn’t get to get to know each other before. I have to say that you look amazing.” She giggled in the end.

Allegra tried to stop herself from rolling her eyes.

“Nice to meet you too, Isobel. Chris has equally told me a lot about you.” She faked smile. “Where can I find the bathroom?”

“Down the corridor, right-hand side.” Isobel instructed.

Allegra nodded and excused herself.

“Damn, she’s hot.” She smirked at me.

“I know.” I sighed dreamily.

“And I think she’s jealous. If she could she would have sent me daggers, but because you’re not her property, at least not yet, she didn’t. Poor creature, she doesn’t realize she’s whipped.” She grinned.

I stared at her as if she was stupid. “Are you aware of the fact that you’re talking absolute non-sense?”

“Shut up!” she hit me and pouted.

Once she closed the front door behind me, she led me in her house and introduced me to many people. I tried to be as sociable as possible, but it was hard if we consider my antisocial and socially awkward standard behavior.

Allegra spent the majority of the night with Laurence and Giselle, dancing and chatting. Although she looked happy, I still felt worried about her.

I sighed and kept talking to Isobel’s best friend, Cecile, who also happened to be Emilien’s sister. I also noticed that Emilien was colder to me. I mean I knew that he normally behaved like me but I couldn’t understand how we went to almost becoming friends to him basically ignoring me and glaring at me. Maybe it had to do with Isobel? Who knows...?

“So Chris, Isobel told me that you didn’t dance all night. What’s wrong with you?” she giggled.

“Not a fan of dancing, sorry.” I raised my hands in mock surrender.

“Oh…Allegra’s approaching” Isobel smirked.

I turned around just in time to see her walking up to me. Gosh, the woman could walk.

“Hey guys.” She gave us a shy smile. “Chris, do you want to dance with me? I just asked the DJ if he had one of my Beatles’ favorite songs, and he has it!”

I grinned; the excitement I felt couldn’t be explained. “Sure, lead the way.”

Memories of when we had danced together resurfaced to my mind: at the club, after which we almost- yes, unfortunately just almost- had sex, or at Giselle and Laurence’s engagement party where she kissed me.

We reached the wood dance floor at the centre of the garden and the song started.

“I want you…I want you so bad…”

Shit. This song is great. My arms went around her waist and pulled her as close as possible to me. Our bodies were glued together. Her arms went around my neck.

This was no 21st century club song, however, our bodies were moving as one in a sensual dance that made me forget where we were.

What could I say about the song choice other than it perfectly described what I was thinking now, what I’ve been thinking since I first met her. I wanted, want her. Not only physically, though. I wanted to fuse myself with her at a mental level as well. I wanted her mine, I wanted her to be the one I had my children with, the one I waited down the aisle for, the one I grew old with. I was completely and hopelessly lost. My psyche couldn’t control my emotions anymore. I was so in love with her that I would do anything for her. My heart wasn’t mine anymore. It was hers, hers to do as she pleased. And I knew that she was going to break it, because although I couldn’t deny that she was attracted to me, she loved her late husband, and she would never love me that way.

She whispered in my ears the lyrics of the song. If you asked me who sang it better, I would say she was the best. However, you can tell that my judgment is clearly one-sided. But the raw emotion was there, in her voice. Her eyes were fixed on mine. I sighed in contentment.

She turned around and I was now facing her back. My arms snaked again around her waist, her hands on top of mine. It was now my turn to whisper the lyrics of the song in her ear. I even had the audacity to gently nibble her ear every now and then.

She gasped for air. I knew she could feel my excitement at our proximity. I waited for her to push me away but I was surprised when she grinded against me.

I groaned softly. Alcohol to some extent could be blamed for my audacity, but we knew what we were doing.

A strong sense of déjà-vu engulfed me. I tried to shake it off.

The song ended and was followed by one of the latest Madonna’s album. We kept dancing, unfazed by anything or anyone. I left a kiss on her neck and she shivered.

Song after song we were in our little bubble, unable to see what was going on around us. Then Metronomy came up. My favorite band ever. Although their songs were fast and upbeat, we kept dancing as sexually as possible. She faced me back again and we got to see each other in the eyes once again.

Our faces inched closer and closer to the point that our breaths mingled together. There was tension. Sexual tension. But I also felt the danger of be spilling the beans to her and tell her what I felt for her. It was too dangerous. I didn’t want to mess up our friendship…but maybe, just maybe she could grow to love me?

“Chris.” She exhaled.

“Yes?” I said breathlessly.

“You know what is happening?” she inquired, eyes full of something I couldn’t describe as anything else but lust.

“Yes.” I whispered.

“Then, there’s no point stalling, Fitzie. I can’t fight this anymore.”

“Me neither.”

“Good.”

“Fucking kiss me.” She ordered, her eyes glinting with glee and expectation and lust.

And I complied. I started by leaving small kisses on her forehead, her nose, both her cheeks, the corner of her mouth before blowing on her lips.

She gave me a frustrated look.

I chuckled before finally kissing her. It had been so long since I had the chance to taste her lips and the real thing was so much better than the faint memory. They were soft, full and delicious. I nibbled her lower lip and she gasped. I took the chance to introduce my tongue in her mouth. She tasted like rum, mint and something else I couldn’t quite put my finger on. It was wonderful. The feelings I was experiencing, the sensations I was feeling. Electricity, lust, love, anxiety…..if the night went on this track, I knew I would confess my love for her even without wanting to.

Our tongues danced each other, a dance that was similar to the one that we were performing before kissing.

I broke the make out session in need of air. I looked at her in the eyes and smiled at her. I broke our embrace and took her hand in mine before walking towards the house. We were desperately in need of a room. Once we were in the house we went upstairs. I opened the first door: it was the master bedroom. Didn’t really want to sleep there. I dragged Allegra down the corridor and opened the second door. It was what I hoped was a guest room. We walked in and closed the door behind us.

The music was still booming downstairs and it gave a nice soundtrack to our night. I stared at her, suddenly afraid of making my move. The danger of this situation finally got to me.

“Chris...what-?”

I interrupted her. “Allegra, I want you. I think that’s clearly obvious.” I looked at the tent in my jeans.

“I want you too.” She said breathlessly.

I pulled her body closer to mine and resumed the French kissing session we had interrupted downstairs.

My movements were frantic as I pulled down the spaghetti straps of her dress. It piled down on the floor. I picked her up, her legs encircling my waist.

She moaned. I suppressed a groan. I went back to the entrance of the room and turn the lights on. I wanted to see her.

Her bra was soon gone as was my shirt after endless wrestling.

I wanted to take my time. Although I was dying to make her mine, this was probably going to be the only time I had the chance to love her this way. I guessed she didn’t want to take it slow as her hands found the zipper of my jeans and the opening of my boxer.

I inhaled when I felt her hands touching my dick. She started stroking it.

“Stop.” I told her, my voice hoarse.

She looked at me, confused. “Am I doing something wrong?”

“No. I want to admire you and cherish you, and I can’t do that unless you stop trying to give me a hand-job.” I knew I was blushing, but I tried to ignore that little detail.

I laid her on the back, took of my jeans and positioned myself on top of her. I started by kissing, nibbling and leaving small licks on her neck. She was whimpering under my ministrations and kept asking me and sometimes begging me to stop teasing her and get down to business.

One orgasm from her part and endless kissing and cherishing later, I slid down the bed from the bed to look for the condom I always had in my wallet. Once I found it, I sighed in relief.

“Found the condom.”

“Thank God. Are you going to fuck me now?” she asked, impatience getting to her.

“Would you beg me for it?” I asked cockily.

“I don’t beg, Chris.” She said sternly.

 “Well, maybe now you’ll have to.” I smirked evilly and she gasped faking to be offended.

“Nope.” She firmly stated.

I was on top of her, her lips millimeters from mine. “Are you sure?”

“Yep...” she whispered, a bit lost.

I teased her and teased her again and again.

She cursed. “Okay. I beg you, Chris. Fuck me, please!” she yelled exasperated.

“See, you just had to ask. It didn’t take that long did it?” I said playfully.

“If you don’t stop, I’ll have to rape you.” She said, half-menacingly.

“Sorry.” I said before giving her what she wanted.

I woke up thinking that I had the best wet dream ever. Unfortunately it couldn’t be true. I felt a head on my chest. I opened my eyes and saw a cascade of rich auburn brown wavy hair.

Oh. I wasn’t dreaming after all. I had sex with Allegra. I made love to her. Oh my….Now what?

She started stirring. I stroke her head and sighed, mentally preparing myself for the worst.

“Hello Chris.” She mumbled her voice hoarse and groggy.

I kissed her shoulder. “Good morning, Allegra.”

“Last night was great.” She said shyly.

“It was great.” I confirmed.

“Now what?” she inquired. She turned around, her upper half now placed on mine.

I sighed. “The ball is in your court.”

“What to do you want, Chris?” she asked getting frustrated.

“I don’t know what you want to hear.” I just answered her.

“Maybe the truth?” she inquired sarcastically.

She moved away from me and climbed off the bed. She started to look for her clothes and wearing them.

I was getting angry. I couldn’t understand what was going wrong. I followed her and tried to stop her.

“You said that you want the truth.”

She nodded.

“You want the truth even though it will make you take your distance?”

“Chris, you’re my friend, a friend I happened to sleep with. I just want to know what you want. Was this a one-night stand for you?” she tried to stay calm. She badly failed.

“I know you want to forget about this, Allegra. I know you are attracted to me, but you don’t---“ I inhaled deeply. “I…I don’t want a one-night stand with you, Allegra. I am in love with you. I’ve been in love with you for a while now. I can’t say that it was love at first sight- more like lust at first sight- but I got to know you and you’re an amazing friend, a great person. You’re fun, you cheer me up, and..I just really love you, love you to the extent that I would do anything for you. I want you to let me in. Trust me, I didn’t want to fall in love with you. After Caterina I had decided that my love-life was over, but falling in love with you has never been easier. Ti amo, ti amo da morire. There it is. The truth.” My heart-beat was really fast. My palms were sweating as I waited for any reaction.

A reaction that never came.

I dropped  her hand and she went on trying to find her clothes. Once she was dressed, she stared at me. No words were said. But I understood. She shook her head, turned around and left the room, closing the door softly behind her.

“Io ti amo.” I mumbled, but she couldn’t hear it anymore.

I slowly got dressed, trying to stop myself from thinking anything. I didn’t want to hear the sound of my heart breaking. But eventually whilst buttoning my shirt up I inspected the hickeys on my neck mechanically.

“Shit.” I exclaimed. I could feel the penny drop. I gave a kick to the bed, took the sheets of the bed in anger. I was angry at myself. And I was hurt, deeply.

I groaned in frustration. “Fuck!”

She didn’t love me. She didn’t want me. I bloody knew it!

All my dreams were shattered, all the expectations, the hope I had felt after the sex…I had never even had a chance.

She didn’t fucking want me.

I slid down on the floor and tried to stop the tears. I didn’t want to cry. I couldn’t cry, but my heart was aching for release. One tear slid down on my face followed by another, and another until I was suddenly crying.

Someone knocked on the door. I didn’t answer.

The person opened the door and Laurence entered the room, closing the door behind him.

“How do you feel after making love—“ he stopped himself when he was me.

He sat down next to me on the floor and hugged me.

There was no need for words. I was broken, all I needed was a shoulder to cry on.

Chapter 12- Finding solutions to problematic problems

A few weeks had passed since my disastrous morning after sex with Allegra. Was I doing any better?

No.                    

I was simply going through the motions of life, withdrawing from everyone and spending the time I didn’t pass working listening to sentimental music that made me wallow in self-pity and that made my heart ache more.

Allegra’s silence and rejection has been a huge blow for me. Not only on my self-esteem but on my life. Maybe my father was right. I did not deserve any love and that was probably the reason why Caterina cheated on me and Allegra did not love me.

I sighed as I prepared myself for another weekend in bed. Plugging my I-pod to the speaker on my nightstand, I listened to a few depressing songs such as ‘Lost Without You’ by Robin Thicke and an Italian song that was basically the copy of my feelings for Allegra: Tiziano Ferro’s Imbranato.

Damn. I kept thinking about her. I knew I had to move on, but I just couldn’t. At the end of the day I gave her my heart and I watched as she took it, squeezed the life out of it, poured acid on it before burning it.

“Is he doing any better?” I heard mumbling outside my bedroom door. Laurence.

“No. He does the minimum to get by. He doesn’t even eat that much. I think he is seriously spiraling down to depression. You should hear what he says.” My sister sighed.

In these past few weeks Kirsten had been there for me, comforting me and making sure I took care of myself.

The fact that she was there seemed to demonstrate that she love me. However, maybe she just felt guilty because she has been the one pushing me to tell Allegra how I felt.

Gosh, I missed her. I missed our harmless flirting, our spending time together. I missed being myself around her. I loved her. I just wanted her to love me back, but she couldn’t.

I didn’t blame her. You don’t choose who you love. I just had to get that through my mind and move on.

I exhaled deeply before massaging my temples. I needed to do something. I needed to get out of the city, the country even. I needed time for myself to get my life back on track.

A few hours later I found myself with two rented house for a few months. I was going to spend some time in Tuscany and in the French Cote D’Azur and have fun, and later on I would go around the world. The tickets were already bought. The following Monday I was going to be free. I smiled for the first time in weeks. Life started to look brighter.

I heard a soft knock on my house office door. I didn’t acknowledge it, pretty sure that whoever wanted to come in was going to do so with or without my permission.

The door opened and I kept my eyes fixed on my laptop screen.

“Christopher…”

I looked up and I saw Francesco.

I gave him a small smile. “Hello, Mr—Francesco. How are you?”

“Cut the bullshit.” He sat down on the sofa in the corner of the room. “They told me that my daughter broke your hear after you told her that you love her.”

“Laurence, I presume. Why can’t he mind--?” I started but a look from Francesco stopped me from finishing the sentence.

“When I first saw you two together, I knew that you cared about each other. And trust me when I tell you that I didn’t see my daughter happy since Blake’s death. But she is happy with you. She has feelings for you. She just doesn’t know it yet.”

“You’re wrong.” I sighed in frustration. “You should have seen her after I told her about my feelings. She didn’t even utter a word. She stared at me, emotionless. And she just left me there like some piece of trash. It hurt. And it still does, because I lost the woman I love but also the friend I had in her.” The tone of my voice was dripping with resignation. “You know what? This is not important. I’m taking a break from everything. I leave tomorrow for Europe. I’ll spend some time in Italy and France to try and sort things out on my own before coming back to NYC for Giselle and Laurence’s wedding.”

“Oh…wow.” He looked at me in surprise.

“Is your job offer still valid?”

“Yes. Why?” he furrowed his brow.

“I’m letting father dearest know where he can put his business. I’m fed up with him. I want to do something I enjoy.”

“When and where do you want to start?” he grinned. He waited a long time for this day, I guess.

“Next year. Europe.”

“Why next year?”

“I need a sabbatical year. I want to see the World and do something useful.” I sent him a genuine smile.

“You know you have my support, whatever decision you may take.”

“Thank you, Francesco I appreciate it.”

He chuckled “Good luck, son.”

“I will need it.” I shrugged. I was going to face my father in a few hours.

“What is this, Christopher?” he inquired with non-chalance.

“My resignation. I’m handing you my resignation. I quit.” I told him. My voice calm and resolute.

“Pardon? You can’t resign.”

“Oh yes, I can.” I smiled at him. “Working for you is something I don’t enjoy doing so I’m leaving.”

“I’m disappointed. Your mother wouldn’t want this.”

I grew angry. “Stop with your emotional blackmail. Mom would want me to be happy, not like you who seems to enjoy torturing me with your mental schemes and manipulations. Mom loved me, you don’t.”

“Christopher, you cannot get angry for nothing. I taught you better than wearing your emotions on a sleeve.” He looked down at me as if I was nothing.

“Whatever. I don’t need this. I just wanted to let you know. And now that I am done, I have no more obligations towards you.” I dismissed him.

“You’re being ridiculous. You know well enough that you won’t resign unless you want me to take you out of my will.”

“News flash, father, I don’t want anything that belongs to you. I already have a lot of money saved up, and my trust fund is still there, untouched. You can’t blackmail me into doing what you want anymore.” I smirked as I saw him suddenly becoming pale.

“Christopher, this isn’t funny.” His voice full of anger.

“It’s not a joke, father. I’m done. You pushed me and pushed me and that’s the result. I don’t need you. I don’t need your company. And you certainly don’t need a son you hate and you wish was dead. Don’t you think I know that you blame me for Mom’s death? You wished she didn’t protect me  and let me die. Life would be so much easier for you if I wasn’t here, right?!” I laughed sarcastically. “You’re horrible. I know that Mom gave her life for me. I already feel guilty about it. It would have been better for me to die so Mom could have had your perfect heir, your perfect son. I could never meet up your expectation, I could never do good enough. And to think that you were who I wanted to be. I don’t need to be a resentful bitter old man.” I turned around and turned the door knob ready to exit his office when he called my name.

“Chris…I didn’t…I..” he couldn’t find the right words.

“Save your words for someone who cares.” And I left. A heavy weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I was free.

“You’re really leaving, Bro.” Laurence smiled sadly. “Can’t I do anything to make you change your minx?”

“I’m coming back for your wedding, Laurence. Stop being a cry baby.” I patted him on his back.

We were at the airport, my flight leaving in approximately an hour.

“Be safe.” Giselle said before hugging me. “I’m sorry things didn’t work out between you and Allegra, but you have a whole life ahead of you. Who knows, you might meet someone…” she said in encouragement.

“For sure.” I hugged her back. “Take care of Laurence, please.”

“Are you sure you don’t want her to know where you are?”

“No. And even if she knew she wouldn’t contact me.”

Isobel, Kenzo, Mark and Ben were there as well. My sister couldn’t bear saying bye to me at the airport. We said goodbye by having breakfast at our home.

“Tell Danielle and Lalita that I will keep in touch.” I said to Mark and Ben.

“Obviously.” Ben grinned.

“Promise me that you’ll sign up on facebook, or at least on twitter. If you can both. They are much better than your eternally long letters that don’t get here in time, or your email.” Isobel frowned.

“Okay. I’ll sign up on facebook, or twitter. Okay?” I reassured her.

She hugged me and sniffed. “I’m going to miss you, friend. Enjoy your time. And make sure you have some space for me because I might just come and visit you.”

I kissed her forehead and smiled at her.

“Remember that we are all here for you, Chris. Whenever you need someone to talk to, you can count on all of us.” Kenzo said, worried.

“I’ll remember. Don’t worry.” I reassured him and all my friends. “Let me know when you want to come down and visit. I rented both houses for four months. I’m coming back for the wedding, at the end of August. So feel free. Mi casa es tu casa.”

“I’ll take you up on that offer, Chris.” Mark said.

“Well, it’s time for me to go. I promise to keep you updated with photos and whatever.” I waved at all of them and they smiled at me, happy to see me content for a change.

I turned around and walk towards freedom, excited about things would turn out to be.

I had nothing to lose. My heart was already broken. I was going to heal it on my own.

Chapter 13 – Summer, Sun and Parties

“What are we doing tonight, guys?” Giulio, a friend asked me.

“I have no clue.” Federico shrugged.

“Who’s up for clubbing?” His girlfriend, Serena, asked.

I shook my head. “No. I don’t feel up for clubbing.”

They were my closest friends in Italy. I knew them for years, and now that I was back in Italy, they came down to my house in Forte dei Marmi in Tuscany, to spend some time together.

“We could go to Nice, this week. What do you think?” I asked them.

“We could do that.” Federico smiled, liking the idea. “What do you think?”

“Okay.” Serena nodded.           

“Cool.” Giulio grinned. “Let’s leave tomorrow then.”

“We’re taking the car or the train?”

“Car.” I stated.

“So are you guys coming over?” I was having a video conference with my sister, Laurence and Giselle, Mark and Lalita, Kenzo, Ben and Isobel.

“Yep. Next week, Nice. Are you sure you have enough space for all of us?” Kenzo asked, perplexed.

“Yes. The house has enough rooms for all of us.” I explained to him for the hundredth time.

“Great.” Giselle dismissed that conversation. “Are you okay, Chris? From your posts on twitter we can see that you’re enjoying life. But..are you truly getting better?”

I sighed. I knew she was going to ask me this question. “I’m fine. As fine as I can be. I’m getting there, okay. Of course I still love her but I’m living my life.” I said defensively.

“Chris, calm down. No one wanted to get on your nerves.” Isobel intervened. “I loved the pictures at the club by the way. You’re loosening up, man. I like it.”

“Thanks, babe.” I smirked knowingly and she beamed.

“Aw, Chris is growing up.”

“I’m still socially-awkward, but I loosen up with my friends. And you also have to thank alcohol for that.”

“Are you getting laid?” Ben asked.

“Nope.”

“Do you want to?” Mark asked.

“Guys, stop it. Don’t ask him too many questions. He’ll tell you stuff when he wants to.” Lalita, the psychologist of the group scolded them.

“Thank you, Lalita. You are the only one who gets me.” I put on a overdramatic voice and laughed. “You guys are something else.”

“Are you going to pick us up from the airport?” Laurence inquired.

“Yes. Just remember to rent a SUV, okay? You won’t all fit in mine.”

“You’re so tan, Chris. It suits you.” Giselle gave me a compliment.

“I agree.” Isobel nodded. “You look much hotter. Are you working out?”

“Yes, Mum.” I joked.

“I want to see those muscles as soon as we get there in two days.” She said honestly.

“Please, keep it PG rated.” Laurence covered his ears.

“She misses you.” Giselle whispered.

“That’s her problem.” Laurence argued. His voice suddenly angry. That was strange. Laurence was rarely angry.

They didn’t have to mention her name for me to know who they were talking about.

“Laurence and Allegra aren’t friends anymore. They ‘divorced’.” Kirsten added.

I rolled my eyes, annoyed.“Laurence, how many times do I have to tell you to stay out of it?”

“Listen, no one knows how devastated Chris was when she didn’t even bother to tell him whether she returned his feelings or not, so back off. And Chris don’t tell me to stay out of it.” He looked at me menacingly.

“I agree with Laurence, Chris.” Kenzo said sadly.

Mark and Ben nodded their assent.

“I don’t want you to hate her. She must have had her reasons. I’m not going to judge her and I would appreciate if you refrained from doing so.” I paused.

The guys snorted in response.

I gave them the evil eye and they shut up.

“Good. Now I have to go. I’ll see you tomorrow.” I smiled at them.

“Bye.” They said before I interrupted the conversation by closing my laptop.

I sighed and messed up my hair.

I was in my room in the house at Nice. I put on my elegant attire to go to a lounge bar/club who selected the best dressed to enter. Our names were already on the list as I called them up and told them I was going to be there with my friends.

After my initial time in Nice before going to Italy, I was pretty well known in the nicest clubs of the city. A perk to avoid queues.

I reached the living room and saw my two friends there.

“Serena is still getting ready, right?”

Federico sighed resigned to this awful fate.

“Poor Federico.” Giulio gave him a glance full of pity.

“Caterina is in Nice. And she’s going to the same club we’re going to.” Federico informed me.

“What?” I looked at him incredulously.

“Yes. You know that she and Serena are still friends.”

“I don’t care about her.”

And there I was, in the lounge bar section of the club face to face with my ex-fiancée. A woman I thought I knew. A woman I spent almost ten years of my life with. A woman I’d loved in the past. I knew all about her in the past, and it seemed that some things never changed. She couldn’t look me in the eye as we were sitting in front of each other drinking our drinks.

“Come stai?” she asked, her voice full of shame.

“Bene.”

“How’s your job in NYC?”

“I quit. I’m moving back to Europe next year. What about your job?”

“It’s okay. I still enjoy working as a art director.”

“Good.”

“I’m sorry, Chris. I’m sorry for what I did to you. I seriously didn’t plan for things to go as they did between me and Jake. I had no intention of cheating on you, but I felt ignored, I felt you distant. And it seemed like you didn’t want to marry me anymore and---“

“Please, stop, Cate.” I told her, my voice cold.

“No. Chris, let me finish. My actions are not justified and I’m sorry that I told you that it was your fault. It wasn’t. during this time I realized that what we had was great and I let it go. I just wanted to apologize. Maybe we can be friends?”

“Cate.” I smiled sadly at her. “Maybe we can be friends. Just don’t get strange ideas. Us together is a distant memory. It will never happen again. I appreciate your apology, though.” I took her hand in mine and squeezed it.

“You’re in love, are you?” she inquired smiling. “She is a lucky woman.”

I looked down and blushed. “Am I that obvious?”

She nodded her head. “Yes, you are.” She laughed.

“Well it’s an unrequited love. Un amore non corrisposto.”

“Non sa cosa si perde.”

I smiled sheepishly. “Al cuore non si comanda.”

She raised her cocktail glass at what I just said. “Brindiamo al cuore che non si lasciava governare dalla ragione.”

“Okay.” I laughed and clinked our cocktail glasses.

“Vuoi ballare?” I asked her and she just nodded.

I took her hand in mine and we went to the dance-floor. She danced, laughed, remembered the past times and talked until dawn.

I didn’t feel resentment towards Caterina. We weren’t made for each other. And she was happy now. She had met someone else. Someone who she really loved and she was engaged.

Life had turned out to be different from what I had expected. But it was my life nonetheless, and I was going to live it to its fullest.

Chapter 14 – Face to face with my weakness

“When are you coming back, Chris?” Isobel asked lying down on her stomach on the deck chair.

“For Laurence’s wedding.” I told her and went back to focus on my book.

“You know, Bro. You’re seriously annoying. We came here to visit you and you end up reading and ignoring us.” Kirsten whined. She was sitting on a beach towel next to Owen, a guy she was going out with. He was blonde with brown eyes.

“I agree with the lady.” Kenzo smirked.

I shrugged and closed my book. “Happy now?”

“Very.” Kirsten grinned happily before whispering something in Owen’s ear.

I rolled my eyes clearly bored and irritated by their little display.

Ben and Danielle reached us on the beach.

“Dude, fancy a swim?” Ben inquired.

“I thought we were staying out of water for a while to give Laurence and Giselle some privacy.” I chuckled.

“I think they had enough.” Kenzo eyed them in the water and sighed. “Let’s go then.”

I stood up and so did all the others. Danielle linked her arm with mine and we ran to the amazing Southern France’s sea.

I was alone with the men of the group. I knew they were all worried about me, but I was okay. I was fine.

The girls were out shopping and I was there under my friends’ scrutiny.

“Laurence…I want you to stop being an ass and go back to be friends with Allegra. She’s your other best friend.”

Laurence snorted. “I’m not doing that.”

“Oh, come on. You won’t let what happened between me and her to ruin your amazing friendship. You love her, man. You were there when she went through some tough stuff. I know you miss her.” I tried to convince him.

“I can’t get past the fact that---“ he interrupted himself.

“What, Laurence?” Mark asked curiously.

He shook his head. “No. Listen, it doesn’t matter. I have every right to be mad at her after what she did. We even got into a huge fight. So let’s not talk about this anymore.”

“Okay..” Kenzo said. “So, Mark, any news?”

“Yep.” He grinned “Lalita’s pregnant.”

“Congratulations.” We all said.

“Thank you.” He smiled. “I’m really happy.”

“So how are things going in the office?” I inquired cautiously.

“They could have been better. You old man is the one filling for our position because he doesn’t trust anyone to take up your post.” Ben replied.

I stared at him in bewilderment “Are you serious?” I wanted them to confirm.

“Yes.” Kenzo said.

“Anyway he is not my old man. I know that he is driving you crazy.”

“He asks about you sometimes.” Mark added.

“You aren’t telling him anything, are you?”

“Of course not. We know where our loyalty lies.” Ben said and all of them, but Owen, nodded.

“Kenzo, are you going to do anything about your crush on Isobel?”

Kenzo looked down. “Is it that obvious?”

“Yep.” Mark laughed.               

Kenzo glared at him. “Isobel and you have history.” He said.

“Yes. A one-night stand and an amazing friendship.” I smiled. “You can ask her out if you want. She might say yes.”

“I don’t know about that. Emilien likes her to bits. Can we talk about something else?”

 “Okay….now, Owen?”

He looked at me directly in the eyes. “Yes, Christopher?”

“What are your intention with my little sister?”

He gulped, worried. He knew that my opinion was the only one that mattered. The inquisition was starting.

The wedding. That’s all they were talking about.

Women and men tend to go crazy during weddings. Women either because they are still single, or because they simply love weddings and are excited; men on the other hand are either scared about their girlfriends catching the bouquet, or endure weddings because of the bachelor party.

The atmosphere was tense as I prepared myself for the rehearsal dinner. I was back, if only for a little while. And I was nervous as shit. I was going to meet her again. The last time I had seen her she walked away from me and any possibility of us having a future together.

And now I was going to face her and the embarrassment and the pain once again in front of approximately other 20 people.

“Chris, are you ready?” Kirsten entered my room.

“No.” I answered honestly.

“You’ll do fine. You don’t even have to talk to her if you don’t want to.”

“I don’t know.” I shook my head and sighed in defeat.

Months of sun, parties, alcohol, sea and etc. didn’t do anything but make me more aware of the fact that she wasn’t mine, she didn’t love me.

Anyway, whatever. I could totally ignore my feelings for her. I’d been trying to do so for months. I was fine, I was amazing and if she didn’t want me, her loss!

“Chris…look at me.” My sister demanded.

I did as she asked.

“Don’t let her destroy your self-esteem. You are Christopher Thomas Fitzwilliam, the socially awkward 32 years old man who single-handedly caused his father to revalue his attitude towards him. You are successful, handsome and an amazing person. You are great, and I am not saying this only because I’m your sister. You are a great man. And I want you to remember that when we get to Laurence and Giselle’s house. I want you to remember what I’ve just said to you when you see her. Don’t show her your weakness. You are not weak. You are a Fitzwilliam, damn it!”

“Should I clap at your pep-talk?” I smiled grateful that my sister was this great.

“If you must.” She grinned and hugged me.

“Thank you, Krissi.” I hugged her back and kissed her cheek. “You’re amazing.” I pulled away. “Now, is your boyfriend coming?” I inquired, my voice showing my distress at only acknowledging the fact that my sister wasn’t single anymore.

“Yes. Owen will be there with me.” Her eyes shone. She was in love with this guy she met at a concert. She even brought him to Italy with her.

Owen was a good guy overall. He was 25, he was a journalist at the New York Times and he loved my sister.

However, that didn’t mean that I had to like him.

“Let’s go.” I told my sister. “So, did you tell Owen that you’re not moving in with him?” I frowned. Stupid Owen trying to steal my little sister away.

“I told him I’ll think about it, but that I think we’re moving too fast and that we have to slow down. I think he wants me to move in with him because then he wouldn’t have to deal with you all the time.”

I gasped and then snorted. “Pff. I am doing my job as your brother. I have to protect you. And I will still protect you even after you get married to this Owen.”

She blushed in response.

“You think I didn’t see your notebook full of Kirsten Fitzwilliam-Andrews. At least you have the decency to keep your last name.” I laughed at her embarrassment.

As soon as I got in Laurence and Giselle’s home, I spotted her among the other guests.

She was beautiful. Breathtaking.

My memories of her didn’t do her justice. She was wearing a 1960’s style sleeveless red dress that stopped just under her knees. At her feet black pumps. I remembered those legs wrapped around my waist as I made love to her. I tried to turn around when she saw me, but her eyes held me captivated. I guess her spell was still as strong as ever.

The world disappeared as I felt something pulling me towards her direction, as if we were two opposite poles attracted to each other. Magnets.

I guess for the other guests our staring at each other could have seemed creepy. But hey, give me a break. It had been ages since I saw the woman of my dreams. The constant of my life. My sun.

Okay. I’ll stop with the sentimental crap.

Didn’t you notice that I now curse and talk less proper English? Spend the majority of the summer with your friends partying all the time and speaking mainly French and Italian  and that’s what happens.

But back to the story…

I stopped myself from approaching her as I remembered my sister’s words. I broke our stare competition with my head held high and looked for Laurence.

Dinner was definitely an awkward affair for me. I didn’t speak to her. I didn’t have to. I just smiled at her every now and then, but that was it. However, I wanted to run away. I didn’t want any of this. I didn’t want to fake being happy as my heart was bleeding from the old wound.

I sighed, excused myself and left the dinner table. I went to the balcony in need of fresh air.

I could feel her steps behind me, but I didn’t turn around.

Once I was outside I took a deep breath. I knew she was behind me, but I wasn’t going to break the silence.

“Chris…” she whispered after a few minutes.

“Allegra..” I said, without turning around.

I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t hide my weakness. She was my weakness.

“You look great. I guess the vacation did you good.”

“Yes it did.” I faced her. Her face was lightened up by the moon.

Silence. And to think we didn’t run of things to discuss merely 4 months earlier.

“You disappeared.” She stated in an accusatory tone.

“As you did.” I simply said. Emotionless.

“True.” She took a deep breath. “I don’t know what to say, Chris.”

I shrugged. “No one asked you to say anything, Allegra. You’re doing everything on your own.”

“I…I miss my friend.” She admitted reluctantly. “And it hurt me to know that you didn’t want anyone to tell me where you were.” She let me know her true feelings.

“Please. Refrain from telling me any sob story.” I spat out.

She looked at me incredulously. “What?”

“You heard me, Allegra. If you followed me to just stomp on my heart once again I suggest you stop from doing so. I don’t want to hear about your alleged pain.” I said calmly.

“How can you say this, Chris?” her eyes filled with tears and rage.

“Listen, Allegra. I do not want to argue with you. This is not about us. This is about Laurence and Giselle getting married. Let’s focus on them.”

“I know, but I want to know why you left.”

“Because I can. I wanted to go away and live my life. I wanted to separate myself from anything and anyone that was the reason for me to keep staying in New York. I wanted freedom. And I thought I had achieved it.” I chuckled humorlessly. “Just to find out that I’m still bound to you.” I shook my head in defeat. “I missed you too, Allegra. But that doesn’t change a thing. I can’t be your friend anymore. It hurts too much. And although I want to make you happy I can’t desire my self-destruction.” I told her the truth.

“Chris…I was scared. That’s why I ran away. I thought it was a joke.” She tried to justify herself.

“Okay.” I said not convinced.

“I care about you, Chris. You’re my friend and---“

“See? I wish you could see me as more than your friend. I know it’s not your fault. You can’t decided whether you want to love me or not. I just wished you told me instead of leaving me there heartbroken after making love to you and telling you that I love you. You treated me like plain crap that didn’t deserve any consideration.” I sighed in frustration. “Whatever. My feelings are not important. I’m tired and I’m leaving. Please, let the others know. Thanks.”

I was now the one leaving her there, on the balcony with no explanation.

The wedding to go and then I could avoid everyone perfectly from the other side of the world. Yuppie!

Wedding came and wedding went. It was great, and I shed a tear as I saw my best friend getting married to the love of his life. I hoped they would be happy forever.

I was obliged to spend a lot of time with Allegra seeing as she was the maid/matron of honor and I was the best man. That didn’t mean that I had to talk to her, though.

Speeches were made, but unfortunately I wasn’t as attentive as I was for the ceremony. I was tired, and I wanted to go home.

I also wanted to get this all over with so I could psychologically prepare myself for my year around the globe. Six months in Africa and six months in India. Vaccinations had been done, things had been packed, money had been paid. In a week’s time I was going to do make a difference in the lives of other people.

“So you’re leaving again?” Allegra inquired.

“Yes.”

She hugged me and this seriously caught me by surprise.

I frowned and remained stiff. I didn’t know what to do.

“I hate you Chris. I hate you for doing this to me. I was fine before you came into my life. I was fine before we became friends. I was fine before you fucked me!”

“Don’t!” I was angry. “I didn’t fuck you, Allegra. I loved you that night, so I suggest you stop from reducing it to mere fucking.”

“Shut up! That’s what it was. You fucked me. You screwed me. You nailed me, you shagged me, you boned me—“

“Shut up! Shut the fuck up!” I yelled at her.

Thank Lord we were in the garden and no one could hear us.

She looked at me in the eyes. Shock registered on her features.

I mumbled “Listen I can’t take this---“

And she kissed me. I didn’t want to respond, but I did in the end. I kissed her back with all I had in me.

We couldn’t find her car quick enough. As soon as we got in, we undressed almost at the speed of light. My hands were on her body all at once. I wanted her, I needed her. And she wanted me, she needed me. Or so it seemed.

And we fucked. What pushed me to having sex with her wasn’t my love for her but simply anger, desperation, a primal need I had to satisfy.

Orgasms after orgasms we kept going on, and we kept going on, until exhaustion took us over, the interior of her car and the steamed car windows the only witnesses of our deed.

And I left in the morning. This is not what I wanted. I couldn’t deal with only sex with Allegra. Ironic, if I consider that in the past that’s all I wanted from her.

I wouldn’t be her bone ami.

And that’s what I wrote to her before leaving her behind. I knew this decision was going to hurt the both of us, but at least I knew that I was making the right choice.

Chapter 15 – Letting go

The contact with my sister and my friends weren’t constant. I missed them, but I loved what I was doing.

I had been in Southern India, in the impoverished area in the Krishnagiri district of Tamil Nadu for 3 months. I was volunteering at the Baldev Medical and Community Centre which serves 17 villages surrounding Tamil Nadu and Karnataka. The Centre had been founded by the George Foundation and thanks to my friendship with someone who had previously volunteered for them, it had been easy helping out. Currently I was building houses for poor villagers with other volunteers.

The smile and the gratitude of the people was all I needed to keep going on. I didn’t want to disappoint them.

The generosity they displayed could warm your heart. They did not mind sharing their food or giving you one of their mattresses to sleep on. They deprived themselves to make us feel comfortable. Seeing people living for less than a dollar per day and being so good made me feel ashamed of how Western societies wasted money and refused to help others when they were in a difficult situation.

This experience was teaching me so many things. The local population was teaching me and the other volunteers Tamil. I knew I wanted to do something when I went back to New York and eventually to a nation of my choice in Europe. However, I had no clue if I even wanted to go back working for Francesco as financial director. I could just start a NGO and help out. But did I really want to go back? In case I decided to do so, I knew I would take time out every now and then to come back to India and give my help wherever it was needed.

Depending on where I were I could either have internet and exchange emails or have correspondence via mail. Recently I’d stayed in a village with no electricity so I had to wait to go to a city to answer my friends and my sister’s emails. I even received a letter for my father asking me to call him when I could.

I didn’t.

Allegra was always on my mind but the pain I felt was nothing when compared to the villagers’ worry of not having the money to feed their families. I was lucky. I didn’t have to go through a horrible arranged marriage, I received a great education, I had family and friends who had a more than a comfortable life. My problems didn’t matter. There were bigger issues in the World that my little broken-heart.

I just wished I could share all this with her. But I’d made a decision, and I was going to stick with it.

I decided that I was going to discuss things with my psychologist again. Lalita always wanted to help me but she recognized that I needed my space. I updated her by email, though. And I also found occasionally time to skype with her.

I wasn’t aware of having a low self-esteem due to the constant verbal abuse I endured since I was 16.

I thought about my mother a lot in the long days I spent under the burning sun building houses,  teaching English to children, playing with them and help when it came to give them vaccinations. I missed her when I saw how mothers held their children and loved them.

She had been my sunshine for 16 years until she died protecting me . I still felt guilty, I still wished she didn’t do it but I knew that she wanted to do it. She wanted to save my life. And I loved her. I just wished I could let her know.

Hopefully she was proud of me. That’s all I was asking for.

I remember her eyes, the same as mine and her gleeful smile when she used to play with me and my sister. Her red long wavy hair moving because of the wind.

I would fall asleep with her picture hugged to me. How I wished she was there with me and help me through the motion of life.

I didn’t know what to do with my father. Lalita advised I should give a thought to talk to him at least so that I didn’t have to hold up to the resentment I felt.

I hated and still loved him even after all he had done to me. My love for him was based on how he loved me and treated me before Mom died. He was the best father ever. His eyes shone anytime he saw me and we used to spend so much time together going to football and basketball games, even going to play gold together. We played chess, and my dad taught me a lot of things. My life wasn’t predetermined and I could entertain the thought of doing whatever I wanted to do in life.

We were a happy family. And then it came all crashing down on the day my mom was taking me out for our weekly picnic.

17 years earlier

We were coming back from the park, I was holding the basket.

“I don’t like her.” She pouted.

“Mom, come on. She’s not that bad.”

“I have to admit that she looks beautiful but she’s such an air-head. You can do so much better Chris.”

“Mom, you know that I love you. You’re the best of the best, and I’ll never find a woman better than you.” I kissed her cheek and took her hand in mine.

She grinned back. Happy that she could see this side of me when no one was around.

“I love you too, baby.” She hugged me and then we resumed walking.

“I can’t believe you’re all grown now. I know you want to do medicine. Are you still up for studying at least 10 more years?”

“Yes. I want to do something different and then maybe spend a few years working with the Red Cross or the Army. I want to help.” My eyes full of hope. I had started volunteering for a local clinic and I loved it.

We were crossing the road and then we heard it. A car approaching too fast. Less than 10 seconds I had to look at my mother face morphed in pure horror. She shoved me to the side of the road and she went in front of the car.

She fell unnaturally after being hit by the car that couldn’t brake fast enough.

“Mom.” I screamed.

The driver of the car got out and called 991.

I went by her side and took her in my arms.

“Mom, mom!” I exclaimed

“Son…” she whispered. She tried to smile.

“Don’t you dare die on me. You still have to see me and Krissi grow up and fulfill our dreams. You have to stay here with me.” I cried, already seeing her becoming weaker by the second.

She started to cough up blood. For what I knew, probably a rib had damaged her lung.

“I love you. Tell them that I love them…” and then she closed her eyes. Life abandoned her but I couldn’t believe it.

I performed CPR.

“Mom!!!” I yelled. She was gone and it was all my fault.

The nightmares started once again. The nightmare of her dying in my arms. I had to do something about them, and only writing down my feelings and sensations was making things better.

After my mother’s death, dreams of me going to study medicine were shattered by my father ordering me to study economics and take care of the family business. The endless time spent together ended, and was replaced by verbal and sometime physical abuse.

My mother’s relatives lived far away so they didn’t know the situation was so bad. And plus, father cut all relationships with them.

I was alone. Cornered.

But it was not important anymore. I was free from my father’s grip.

I sighed, as I stood outside the house I was staying at in those days. It was the residence of a rich businessman and his family  the Kapoors.

They were nice and devoted much of their time to charity.

“What’s wrong, beta?” Ashna, the mother of the family said as she stood next to me.

“Nothing, Mam.” I smiled at her, knowing very well that she could see through my lie. I caller her mother because she became upset if I didn’t.

“You have to let go of all this anger you feel, beta. You need to if you want to be truly free.” She said and caressed my arm.

“I know. But it’s really hard.” I told her.

“Yes, it is. But you will find peace. Release the anger and forgive. Resentment can eat someone’s heart.”

“You’re right. I need to let go. I need to stop being angry when I think about my father, or Allegra, or anyone else who hurt me in the past.” My voice trembled with sentiment.

“Don’t forget. But find in your heart the strength to get past all that and forgive. You have a big heart.”

She hugged me as the first sobs came about. She kissed my forehead. I knew she couldn’t be my mom, but Ashna was making me feel like home.

Chapter 16 – Meeting with my Sperm Donor and the Supposedly Love of my Life

A year had passed since I last was in New York, but now here I was yet again, even if just for a few months before moving back to Europe. I was still trying to decide among three different destinations: London, Paris or Milan.

But that wasn’t important. Now I would get to see my sister and my friends again after a year of only emails, occasional phone calls and letters. I was happy as I’d never been in all my life.

I was perfectly content with how my life was and I was optimist about the future. The time in India truly changed me. I knew I was going to see my psychologist, Lalita, more often, just to make sure that I could deal with problems and adversities in a constructive way. Meditations also helped me with that task.

I reached my apartment, a bit upset that my friends weren’t at the airport to pick me up, but I did realize that they had things to do, jobs to be at so I couldn’t really blame them.

I opened the door and went in with my backpack. I took off my flip-flops, a habit I took because of my spending so much time in temples. I turned on the light, amazed at the idea of even having light. If it wasn’t for the time I’d spent at the Kapoors the other places I lived at didn’t have electricity.

“Welcome home!” I heard people yelling.

I was startled. My sister came up to me and hugged me as there was no tomorrow.

“I missed you, Bro.” I could feel her tears staining my t-shirt.

I hugged her back and caressed her hair.

All my friends came up to me and we ended up having a group hug.

After a few moments I could move about freely.
Laurence looked as if he was emotional.

“I guess that the fact that you’re on your way to be a father is what is making you so sensitive.” I commented.

“I guess you’re right.” He smiled sheepishly.

“4 more months to due date. Any names?”

“We were thinking Christopher if it’s a boy.” He grinned at my face morphed in a mask of stupor.

“Thanks, I think.” I smiled, my cheeks red with embarrassment.

“No worries, Chris.” He said grinning. “I’m glad you’re back.”

“Me too.” I sighed in contentment. “Where is Giselle?”

He frowned. “Working, as usual. She had some patients to see. She is just a workaholic. I’m quite worried about something happening to her and the baby.”

“Don’t worry, Laurence. Everything will be okay. Anyway, we should meet up. All of us.”

“All of us?” he inquired.

I nodded. “Yes, all of us.”

I spent the next few hours getting reacquainted with my friends’ lives.

Isobel was now dating Kenzo and they were in love as ever. Although I knew about their relationship, seeing them together showed me that they were great for each other.

“Chris?” Ben said, his voice full of concern.

I frowned. “Yes?”

“Your father is here. We all told him that it’d be out of line for him to come but we couldn’t stop him.”

“Ben…” I patted him on the back. “Don’t worry. I have to face him sooner or later. I’m not worried and neither should you be. He won’t get to me.”

He nodded in understanding.

“Tell him that he’ll find me in my study.”

“Cool.” He still stared at me intently, to make sure that I was really okay with this.

I sighed deeply, preparing myself for the worst as I walked to my study. I sat down on my chair and waited patiently for Richard Fitzwilliam, aka my father, aka my sperm donor to come.

I didn’t have to wait for long.

I heard a knock on the door and I said firmly a come in. My defense mechanism involuntarily kicked in.

The door opened and there he was.

I looked at him closely. He was tired, the rings under his eyes evidence for that. He had lost a significant amount of weight. And he looked pale and old, so much older than his 55 years.

I motioned for him to sit down and he complied.

I was face to face with him. For a few minutes no words were exchanged between us. We stared at each other.

“Christopher.” He said in sign of greeting.

“Father.” I replied.

“How are you?”

“I’m very good. Thank you. You?”

“Good.” He sighed. “I am seeing a psychologist”

“Oh.” I couldn’t refrain myself from sarcastically adding “Do you need one?”

“It seems that I do. He’s the one that encouraged me to keep trying to contact you.”

I couldn’t take it anymore. I had to express my confusion. “Why this sudden interest in me? I just don’t get it I have any more responsibilities towards you. I quitted, and I won’t be coming back.” ‘Even if you begged me’ I wanted to add, but decided against it.

“I realized that I did you wrong, son. I shouldn’t have blamed you. If I were the one that day, I would have done the same thing mum did.”

I looked at him emotionless I waited approximately 16 years for this moment. I would have gloated and thrown him out of my house in a heartbeat a year before. But I just felt sad about how he handled things with me. And indifferent towards his words.

I sighed. “Well...thank you for letting me know, father.”

He put his face in his hands and he shook as if he was crying silently. But it couldn’t be, right? Richard Fitzwilliam didn’t cry, and even if they did, it couldn’t be sincere.

He dried his tears, whether they were genuine or fake I couldn’t tell.

“Would you be able to forgive me one day?”

“I let go of all this, however, I don’t trust you. You hurt me badly and although I can forgive, I can’t forget.” I shrugged and stared at him, my face a mask of indifference and non-chalance.

“I’m sorry that we lost the chance of keep going on with our father-son relationship.”

“Believe me, I am too.” I paused before clapping my hands. “Now, I have to go and entertain my guests.” I stood up and reached the door. “Father?”

“Yes?” I could see the hope in his eyes.

“I’m glad we talked. Could you please close the door when you leave?”

“Of course.” His voice dripping with disappointment.

I shrugged it off and left I was confused and I needed time to think. How could I know whether he was sincere? At the end of the day he was the man that laughed at me for crying when he verbally abused me.

I felt my phone vibrating in my jeans’ pocket. I took it out and saw a text from Allegra.

‘Welcome back, Christopher. We should meet and catch up, if you want.’

I replied ‘Thank you. Sure.’

I needed a bit of time to prepare myself to see her again. I was going to buy time as much as I could.

I was exhausted but happy. Having had the chance to meet everyone, even my father, had done me good. Francesco wasn’t at the party but we were going to see each other the next day at dinner my sister and Owen were tagging along as well as Misaki and Fujiko. I didn’t know if Allegra was going o be there. A part of me wished so, whereas the other part dreaded that possibility.

The next day came as fast as it could. After hanging out with my sister and her fiancée – yes, my little sister was getting married before me- we were getting ready to go at our destination for the night.

“Kirsten, are you happy?” I was worried Things were changing so fast. She was probably getting married the following year and she was going to move in with Owen in the next couple of months. She now had a stable job at a NGOs and she seemed happy. But she is my little sister. Of course I worried about her.

“I am happy, Chris.”

“You’re just 22. Don’t you think it’s a bit too soon to settle down?”

She sighed deeply. “Chris…”

“Listen, I don’t want you to regret not having done something else in your life. I know Owen is probably the one for you, and I have to admit that I like him, but you guys could have a long engagement.”

She sighed again “We’ll see, Chris. We just got engaged and we haven’t chosen a date for the wedding. At least, not yet.”

I came up to her, hugged her and kissed her forehead. “I can tell that I am making you uneasy. Forgive me. I’m just a worried brother.”

“You’d make an amazing father.” She commented and kissed my cheek.

“At this rate I’ll make an amazing uncle before I’ll make an amazing father.” I grumbled.

She patted my back. “I’ll make sure you settle down sooner or later with the right woman.” She smiled.

I smiled uncertainly. “We’ll see.”

“Why are we going in the direction of Allegra’s house?” I asked when I recognized the route the taxi driver was following.

“Because that’s where we are meeting the Carter family.” My sister explained.

I groaned. “Why didn’t you tell me before. I am so not ready for this.”

“The Drama Queen is back!” she mumbled sarcastically.

I rolled my eyes at her. “Whatever.”

“Don’t worry, bro. Everything will be fine. You can ignore her.” Kirsten tried to reassure me.

“I have no intention of ignoring her. I want to get everything sorted out, however, I didn’t think it was to happen this soon.” I sighed.

“You’re strong, Chris. Don’t worry, you’ll make it just fine.” Owen said convinced.

I nodded. “Okay.”

We were in her house as soon as Francesco told us to come in after I rang the door-bell.

After endless hugs and kisses we were all sitting in the living room.

As I tried to pay attention to the conversation, I kept thinking about all the good memories I had of this place. The time Allegra and I tried to bake a cake and ended up food-fighting, or the routine of finding each other every Saturday night and cuddle on the sofa and watch a movie.

“Where’s Allegra?” I asked, interrupting Misaki.

“She’s in the kitchen. She doesn’t want anyone’s help.” Her mom sighed.

“If you will excuse me…” I stood up and went to the kitchen. I opened the sliding doors and there she was, fixing some bruschette.

“Do you need help?” I asked with a smile.

She turned around and gaped. “I didn’t think you were coming.” Her eyes were full of glee and something else I couldn’t quite put my finger on.

She walked up to me and hugged me for dear life.

I was taken aback at first by this display of affection but I hugged her back, the beating of our hearts strong against our rib cages.

“I missed you.” She whispered. A few tears escaping from her eyes and wetting my pullover.

I sighed. “I missed you too.”

“I’m so sorry for what I’ve done and--”

I interrupted her. “We don’t have to talk about this now. We have dinner, then we can talk on our own.”

She nodded and dried her tears. “You’re right.”

Dinner was a success. After the bruschette we had the pleasure of eating risotto alla Milanese and homemade green tea ice cream served with chocolate brownies.

Now I was in the kitchen helping her doing the dishes.

“How are you?” she asked out of the blue. She passed me a plate and I placed it in the dish-washer.

“I’m great. I loved my year away from it all. I am a more mature person now. I’ve sort out my issues and I helped people who needed my help.” I grinned at her.

We stayed silent for a while.

“My father told me that you are going to move to Europe in a few months.”

“Yes.”

“Is there any chance that you might stay?”

“Highly unlikely. Why?” I was confused by her question.

She took a deep breath. “What if I told you that I want you to stay, that I would love for you to…”

I looked at her expectantly.

“I acted like a bitch towards you. I shouldn’t have left. I was scared. I was scared of my feelings for you. I just ran away because I didn’t want to believe your words. I just couldn’t. I apologize for making you feel like you weren’t enough. That wasn’t my intention.” She paused and stopped rinsing the dishes. She closed the faucet and turned and looked at me in the eye. “I have feelings for you. I fought them but I cannot deny them anymore. I…I am in love with you. It may seem strange and at first I thought it was completely wrong because I felt like I was cheating on Blake, but he wanted me to be happy. I wished I’ve realized this earlier for example after you made love to me and told me your feelings.” I could feel that she was in the verge of tears. “I love you as more than a friend.”

“Wow. I didn’t expect that.” I said clearly not knowing what to do.

“Do you still love me?”

“Yes. But that doesn’t matter. Unfortunately, Allegra, you hurt me badly and frankly, I don’t trust you with my heart.”

“Thank you for the honesty.” She sniffed, she was going to break down any second.

I closed the distance between us and hugged her.

“I’m such an idiot.” She cried on my chest.

I kissed her forehead. “A little bit.” I said sincere.

“You’ll never give me a chance.”

“I might. But we’ve got to re-build our friendship. And then I don’t think it’s ideal for us to start something when I’ll be moving in a few months.”

“I love you so much it hurts.” She looked up at me.

“I know the feeling.” I hugged her to me and sighed.

Chapter 17- Confessions and Conversations

“I was so jealous of her. But I didn’t know.” Allegra confessed.

“I didn’t think it was possible. However, Isobel told me she believed you were jealous.” I added.

“Well, I was. Now she’s dating Kenzo and she seems happy.”

I smiled. “She is.” I sighed.       

I was on the phone with Allegra as I was lying in bed late at night.

“Are you happy?” she asked out of the blue. “Are you happy with your life?”

“I am.” I laughed with glee. “I like myself, now. I don’t feel inadequate, or stupid. I’m happy in my own skin.”

“Wow. You truly changed for the better.”

“I did.” I sighed in contentment. “I have to thank you for that. Of course I hated the fact that you broke my heart but it gave me the strength to pick myself up and sort out my life.”

“Oh.” She said. “Would you say no if I asked you out on a date?”

“I don’t know. What do you think?”                           

“I wish you could say yes, but I know that it is not happening.”

“You still know me pretty well.” I smiled sadly. “Let’s just be friends at the moment.”

“What if it isn’t enough?” she inquired her voice much lower.

“Don’t you find all this ironic? A year ago I wanted to be your man, but you wanted to stay friends and today…” I trailed off.

She inhaled. “I—“ her voice was breaking.

I didn’t know what to do but I know he was crying.

“We don’t have to talk about this, Allegra. It’s okay. I’ll leave you to your emotions.” I hang up and exhaled frustrated.

Things weren’t as easy as it seemed. I couldn’t trust her with my heart, at least, not yet.

I still loved her, though. My heart still beat fast anytime I had a sort of contact with her. I wanted her mine, but I just couldn’t bring myself to tell her what I felt. Maybe I was still afraid she would leave me there without a response.

It had been 3 weeks since I came back to New York City and I was organizing my departure for Europe three months later. I was still trying to sort out where I wanted to go and for what I’ve gathered, Francesco’s son Robert was moving back to the USA with his fiancée, so the London firm was in need of someone to take charge.

After my time in India I wasn’t even sure I wanted to work for Francesco. I was thinking to go back to University and study for a  PhD in Development. It was now too late for me to go back and study Medicine, but I could do something I liked as well.  I could start a charity or NGOs and do something to change the lives of people.

I could do that from London.

Giselle looked at me and smiled happy. She had a certain glow about her now that she was pregnant. It suited her.

We were at lunch. Just me and her. Laurence begged me to talk to her and asked her to take it slow.

“How are you and my godchild doing?”

“We’re doing great.” She caressed her protruding belly happily. “How about you? Allegra told me that you’re talking and—“

I interrupted her. “And nothing more.”

“I understand.” She sighed. “I’m sorry she hurt you. And she regrets it, believe me. She’s heartbroken. And she misses what you two had.”

“I do too, but it doesn’t matter.” I stated firmly.

“She loves you.”

“I know. I love her too. But I am done suffering for her. She has to show me that she is trustworthy and that I should give us a chance.” I looked at her and took one of her hands in mine. “I know you’re worried about your friend. Trust me, this is no revenge. It’s just that I have to protect myself like I can.”

“I get it. I just want you two to be happy.”

“Don’t worry about me and Allegra. Anyway…are you taking it slow, Doc?”

“I admit that I should rest more, but next month I decided that I’m going on maternity leave. Don’t tell Laurence. I want to surprise him.”

“When do you plan to tell him?” I was worried. Laurence hated not knowing things.

“Next week. I promise.”

“Pinky-promise?” I presented her with my pinky.

“Pinky-promise.” We pinky-promised and I was much more relaxed.

“Give her a chance if you can, Chris. You’re perfect for each other. Surely love is enough.”

“Love isn’t always enough, Giselle.”

“But here it is. I’m not saying that you should forgive her right away. She should work for your love, and she is doing so. She tells me everything. And I know that she cries herself to sleep. She doesn’t want you to know most of the things that happened when you were away. But I have to tell you.” She was serious.

“What happened?”

“She thought she was pregnant. A pregnancy normal test said that she was right. She had all the symptoms, and she was scared shitless.” She paused and looked at my shocked expression. “When she found out that she wasn’t, she was devastated. She was in love with the idea of a part of you and her growing up. She wanted that baby because it would be yours as well. And then she realized that she is in love with you. She wants to belong to you. She wants to be with you until the end of time.”

“Oh…wow.” I knew she loved me but I guess I just didn’t believe it.

“She’s crushed. Just try and find in your heart the time to consider giving her a chance if you still love her.”

“I’ll try.” I reassured her.

Chapter 18- ‘I’m in no rush. I will be waiting.’

“I seriously think you should forget about her and move on.” Ben stated a frown on his face.

“I agree.” Kenzo argued.

I sighed frustrated. “Guys…”

Mark interrupted me. “If you love her and honestly think she is the one, don’t listen to us.”

“What do Giulio and Federico think?” Laurence inquired.

“They just want me to be happy.”

“That’s what we all want, man.” Ben explained. “We don’t want her to hurt you again. The last time you were devastated.”

“I know. I don’t trust her.” I confessed.

I was trying to sort out my feelings with the help of my friends.

Allegra was still on my mind and what Giselle had told me made me look at things differently. Although I still didn’t trust Allegra, I knew that if I loved her I should determine whether I really wanted to give ‘us’ a chance.

“You said that she was heart-broken.” Mark added.

Kenzo rolled his eyes “She deserves it.”

“Kenzo!” I exclaimed.

He shrugged. “Sorry, but it’s the truth. You should talk to Lalita about this. She might be able to help you.”

“Well I’m meeting up with Allegra. We’re going to play tennis.”

Laurence rolled his eyes. “Be careful.” He stated.

“I will.”

“You beat me again.” She said in defeat.

“I have skills. You’re good, just not as good as me.” I laughed.

“It’s always nice losing again you.” She muttered sarcastically.

We were having a coffee at Starbucks after out tennis match.

“I know.”

“Cocky, aren’t you?” she looked at me and smiled.

“Yes, I am.” I grinned and sighed content.

We didn’t say anything for a few minutes. The silence was awkward.

“So, have you chosen your new home?” she sipped her coffee.

“Yes. I’m moving to London.”

She smiled sadly. “London is amazing. You’re going to love it there. I actually prefer it to New York City. There are so many things you can do there.”

“Like?” I inquired curious.

“Clubs, pubs, festivals, art galleries…” she trailed off. “I have some friends that live in London. I might just tell them to help you there for a while.”

“Thank you, Allegra. I really appreciate it.” I said, my hand reaching for hers and squeezed it.

“You’re welcome, Christopher.” She whispered shocked.

“You can call me Fitzie, if you want.” I told her tentatively.

“Okay, Fitzie.” She grinned at me. “How was your time in India?”

“I loved it so much that I wouldn’t mind going back. People are amazing.”

A few hours later after at least 3 refills we left the store with some semblance of normality. We were back to acting comfortable around each others, joking and having fun.

My right hand sought hers and I intertwined our fingers. I knew she wouldn’t say anything, afraid that I would stop holding her hand. Ironic, considering that a year before I would be feeling like her.

“What do you want to do?” she asked me, her eyes full with joy.

“We could go and watch a movie.” I suggested.

“Or we could have dinner. I’m paying.” She couldn’t hide her excitement.

“No way. I’m paying.” I stopped walking and frowned.

“What if we both pay?” she asked, smiling.

“Deal.” I smirked.

She kissed my cheek. “Now, we could just do some shopping before it’s time for dinner.”

I groaned. “Okay.” I said in defeat.

“Come on, Fitzie. It’s going to be fun.”

Later that night I found myself in one of the guest rooms of Allegra’s house. It was pretty late and she didn’t think it would be alright for me to drive home.

I was freaking confused. What the hell was I suppose to do? I was living in three months or less, and it seemed like me and Allegra were dating, even though we didn’t agree to any of it. Holding hands, light kisses on the cheek, hugging and cuddling were becoming too much familiar things. Was I unknowingly giving her a second chance?

“Chris...” I heard her call me.

I get out of bed and opened the door. There she was in a pair of hot pants and a tank top.

“Allegra…” I breathed.

“I’m preparing some tea. Do you want a cup?”

“Yes, why not?”

“Good...” she turned around but I stopped her.

“Allegra, do you by any chance still have one of my spare pajamas here?” I inquired cautiously.

“Yes, it’s in my bedroom. The last drawer of my dresser.”

“Thank you.” I told her before leaving my room for the night.

“I can’t believe you said that, Chris. Of course I was pissed off.” She laughed before taking a sip of her tea.

“I was nervous. You were hot as hell and I just didn’t know what to say. I felt like I shouldn’t have felt hot and bothered by you and then Laurence was nagging me about admitting that I liked you and….well, you know how it ended: you insulting me. If insults could kill.” I chuckled.

“I have to admit that I went crazy, but it was because I liked you too and I was offended.” She sighed.

“What’s wrong?” I asked worried.

“Do you still think I’m hot as hell?” she mumbled.

“Yes. You’re beautiful and hot as hell.” I answered honestly. “How’s your relationship with Laurence now?”

“Improving. He occasionally gives me the cold shoulder but it’s understandable. It’s said that I lost his friendship. II find it hard to believe that things will go back to how they were.”

“I told him to stay out of it but he refused.” I tried to say something to make her feel better.

“Don’t worry, Chris. It’s my fault, after all. He told me in what state my actions had left you and I cannot stress enough how sorry I am. I acted like an inconsiderate bitch. I was scared. I know it still doesn’t justify what I did.” She explained, the tears welling in her eyes.

“Allegra, please, don’t cry. I stayed over for us to have fun. I don’t want you to cry.”

I wiped some of her tears and she closed her eyes. I felt the need to kiss her. I couldn’t stop myself from lightly touching her lips with mine.

I pulled away almost immediately. She opened her eyes and stared at me in shock.

I cleared my throat and went back to drinking my tea, in silence.

She kissed my cheek. “Thank you, Chris.” She smiled at me sweetly. “I know that you might not want to hear this, but I need to say it. I love you.” She looked at me in the eyes.

“I love you too.” I sighed. “But I’m not ready to be in a relationship. At least, not yet.”

“I’m in no rush. I will be waiting.” She reassured me. She stood up from her chair, and kissed my forehead. “All the time you need, love.” She put her mug in the sink. “I’m going to bed.”

“Could we sleep in the same bed like in old times?” I asked tentatively.

“You don’t even have to ask.” I followed her as she went up the stairs.

We hugged and stared at each other until sleep took us over and we fell asleep, content.

Chapter 19- ‘Dance for you’

“I can't believe that tomorrow is your birthday and your plans are to keep packing.” Allegra stated, clearly annoyed.

“I don't really have a choice. I leave NY in two weeks. So...”

“Time went on so fast. You're already leaving.” she sighed in defeat. “Well, I guess I'll visit as much as I can.” she said and closed another box with Sellotape. “I have a present for you. I have it home though. You'll have to come and collect it at midnight.” she smiled with excitement.

“You don't have to give me anything. I don't care for my birthday. It's just another year gone by. 34, yay!” I said unenthusiastically.

“It is still your birthday.” she reasoned.

“I know.”

“I'll have to leave before your friends come over. I don't want the tension to explode.”

“Come on, you can stay if you want to.” I tried to persuade her but I already knew the answer.

“I'd love to but I have to wrap your present so...” she put some other stuff in a box and closed it. “I'll see you tonight, okay?” she came up to me and left a kiss on the corner of my mouth. “Love you.” and she left, closing the front door behind her.

I sighed in contentment before going back to packing my stuff.

My relationship with Allegra was complicated. Although we acted like a couple, we were still friends in my book. We spent a lot of time together, enjoyed ourselves, exchanged some chaste kisses, but I still wasn’t ready for the next step.

I had to admit that in this couple of months Allegra showed how much she cared for me and wanted us to be together. It was the little things in everyday that make a huge difference on whether you’ll consider giving a chance to someone who hurt you in the past.

She made sure to hear from me every day. We spent evening talking on the phone, we met up for lunch, she showered me with attention and she made sure I knew how much she loved me.

I kind of felt like the woman in the relationship, always having to be reassured and always being attended to.

I didn’t feel completely comfortable in my new role. I wanted it to go back to how it was supposed to be. I wanted to spoil her and make her feel loved now that I was sure of her feelings. I wanted to cherish her and make sure that I would be with her forever.

Corny? Yes. Give me a break, I’m in love.

“What are you doing tonight, Chris?” Kenzo asked me.

We were in my living room drinking a glass of wine.

“I’m going over to Allegra to collect my birthday present.”

Kenzo frowned. “Man, I thought you wanted to party tonight and celebrate with your mates.”

“That sounds interesting.” Ben reflected.

“Do you think…?” I trailed off, unable to complete the sentence.

“Not necessarily.” Kenzo commented. “However you might” he smirked knowingly.

“Would you be ready to take that step?”

“I don’t know. I haven’t thought about that happening to us yet or ever.” They looked at me as if I were crazy. “I mean, of course I think about it almost all the time but...”

“Was it that good?” Ben asked boldly. His eyes full with devilish glee.

“She’s the best I ever had.” I confessed.

“Even better than Caterina?” Kenzo was shocked.

“Yes, she is. I didn’t even know it was possible but she’s so good…”

“Of course the man can’t think about being with anyone else. He’s whipped.” Ben told Kenzo.

“Tell me something I don’t know” I muttered sarcastically.

“Well, go and have fun then.” Ben encouraged me.

“I don’t know if I’m ready for the consequences that will follow if I go all the way.”

“She loves you. That we have established.” Kenzo stated.

“I’m waiting for something. Don’t know what it is yet. She needs to knock me off. But then what’s the point? I’m moving in 2 weeks time. How’s that good for a relationship?” I inquired.

“You have to give it a try. I have to give it to her. She won almost all of us over. She proved that she really cares about you and loves you. She’d do anything for you.” Ben added.

“The simple act of her bringing everyone lunch when you were helping us solve the crisis at work. That was amazing. The flash mob was amazing. The picnics, the tickets to go and see your favorite band…and the fact that she’s been so patient waiting for your heads up.” Kenzo smiled.

“I know.” I responded.

“Then think about it. Maybe the gift she’ll give you tonight is going to be what will convince you that you need to be together.”

“Maybe.” I shrugged.

“I’m glad you made it.” Allegra whispered after letting me in her house. “Happy birthday.” She hugged me. “Let me take your coat.” She said.

I gave it to her and she disappeared.

I went in the living room and looked at the new pictures she hanged on the wall. One of a photo of us hugging each other. It had been taken before the all ‘disaster’. And then there was another of us with our friends looking at each other in the eyes.

“You like them?” she inquired coming behind me.

“I do.” I turned around and smiled shyly at her.

I looked at her and she was wearing a long oversize t-shirt and tights underneath.

I put my arms around her waist and kissed the top of her head. “Where’s my present?” I whispered in her ear.

“Are you ready to see what I have to offer?” she grinned, her eyes burning with lust.

“I think I am.” I said before brushing her lips with mine.

“I want you to seat on the sofa and close your eyes. I trust you not to look until I tell you to.” She requested.

“Sure.” I complied. I sat down on the sofa and closed my eyes.”

I heard her tiptoed outside the room. After a few minutes I could hear the noise the heels she now was wearing on the wooden-floor.

And then the music started.

“Open your eyes.” She said softly.

And I did. She was wearing a blue lacy corset with a matching tongue. Black stockings and high heeled blue pumps. She was absolutely beautiful and sexy.

“I just wanna show you how much I appreciate you.” She sang softly what Beyoncé was supposed to sing.

I looked at her, mouth agape. I understood the significance of her words. She started dancing sensually and my eyes followed her every movement.

“Wanna show you how much I'm dedicated to you
Wanna show you how much I will forever be true
Wanna show you how much you got your girl feelin' good
Wanna show you how much, how much you're understood
Wanna show you how much, I value what you say
Not only are you loyal, you're patient with me bay
Wanna show you how much, I really care about your heart
I wanna show ya how much, I hate being apart
Show ya, show ya, show ya til you're through with me
I wanna keep it how it is, so you can never say how it used to be.” She came closer to me and kissed my cheek.
“Loving you is really all that's on my mind
And I can't help but to think about it day and night
I wanna make that body rock, sit back and watch”

She sat on my lap and started grinding in time with the music.

“Tonight I'm gonna dance for you (ohh ooh ohh ohhh)
Tonight I'm gonna dance for you (ohh ooh ohh ohhh)
Tonight I'm gonna put my body on your body
Boy I like it when you watch me, ah
Tonight it's going down
I'll be rockin' on my babe rockin', rockin' on my babe
Swirlin' my babe Twirlin', swirlin' on my babe
Baby lemme put my body on your body
Promise not to tell nobody cuz
It's about to go down”

She stopped singing the whole song and concentrated on whispering the verses that held all that she wanted to tell me. “But I know you know I'm the one
That's why I'm all into you
Cuz I can recognize that you know that
That's why I'm backin' this thing back”

“This is for the time, you gave me flowers
For the world, that is ours
For the mulah, for the power of love
I know I won't never ever eh-ever give you up
And I wanna say thank you in case I don't thank you enough”

“Loving you is really all that's on my mind
And I can't help but to think about it day and night
I wanna make that body rock, sit back and watch”

“Cuz you all I need
No money can emphasize or describe
The love that's in between the lines
Boy look into my eyes
While I'm grinding on you
This is beyond sex
I'm high on you
If it's real then you know how I feel.”

She stopped singing, unable to carry on anymore.

“So this is how you feel, huh?” I told her softly whilst stroking her cheek lovingly.

“Yes. That’s what I’ve been trying to show you in the last few months. I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you…”

I interrupted her by putting a finger on top of her lips. I traced her full lips with it and she smiled hopefully.

“I love you too. So much, Allegra, so much that I think I couldn’t show you even if I tried.” I kissed her softly.

“Gosh, I’m getting goose bumps.” She told me, her eyes full with tears.

I could feel the emotion rising. It was incredibly hard for me to stop the tears.

“Me too.” I whispered.

We stared in each other’s eyes. I kissed away her tears before kissing her lips with passion.

I stood up, her legs around my waist. We kept kissing, they became more and more intense as the seconds passed.

I went towards the direction of the stairs and ended up stopping every step I take to further explore her mouth with my tongue.

We ended up in her room. I needed her, as much as she needed me. There was no time for foreplay. The time to undress not even fully, putting a condom on and that was it.

I entered her with a finger just to make sure that she was wet enough for me. She was indeed ready.

“Let’s do this.” I told her.

She nodded. “Yes, let’s do this.”

And I entered her heath. We both gasped in ecstasy.

No more words were spoken that night other than the ‘yes’, whimpers, the curses such as ‘fuck’, the ‘fuck yeah’ and the many ‘faster’.

That night was definitely a turning point.

We fell asleep, naked, and more comfortable in each other’s arms than ever.

I woke up the next day completely at ease. Gosh. More than a year without sex. I didn’t know how I did it.

I found myself waking her up at night to carry on with our activities. I couldn’t get enough of her.

That was going to be a problem when I moved to London. In just 2 weeks time.

“Hey Fitzie.” She whispered groggily.

“Hey.” I left a kiss on her mouth.

“You killed me last night. I’m all sore.” She whined.

“Oh, don’t tell me you didn’t enjoy it.” I said cockily.

“Of course I enjoyed it.” She smiled mischievously. “I need some rest, but after that we can totally do this all over again.” She grinned.

“That’s what I wanted to hear.” I left a bite on her shoulder.

“Gosh, you’re so aggressive in bed.” She stated.

“I have to mark you as mine.” I said matter-of-factly.

“So now I’m yours?” she smiled and trailed a hand on my chest.

“Do you doubt it? You’re mine and I’m yours.” My voice was incredibly serious.

“I don’t. So we’re boyfriend and girlfriend?”

“Yes, if you want to label us. Otherwise we could say that we’re together and hopefully we’ll be that way forever.”

“Aww. You know that I love you?” she grinned at me and kissed me.

“I think I do, but I wouldn’t mind you reminding me again.”

“What if I show you?” she smirked knowingly.

“No more soreness?” I frowned.

“It’s your birthday. I can survive. Now I want you. Make me scream.” She laughed.

I didn’t need to be told twice.

Chapter 20- Departure

Two weeks. Two amazing lovely weeks filled with lovely memories. And abso-fucking-lutely breathtaking mind-blowing sex.

I spent the majority of my time with my friends who were basically my family and my girlfriend.

My girlfriend. It sounded so right.

I was going to miss everyone, and I was going to miss my woman like crazy. After all we’ve been through I wanted to stay with her. However, we were going to be apart for a few weeks before she came to visit me for a week.

I was now at the airport surrounded by my friends.

I hugged everyone. My sister and Isobel were openly crying. The guys were pretty emotional but they didn’t shed a tear. A very pregnant Giselle came up to me and hugged me almost unable to control herself from crying.

It was almost time for me to go.

I hadn’t say my goodbyes to Allegra yet. She came up to me and hugged me.

“I’m going to miss you. Damn, I already miss you Fitzie.”

“Me too, Cassy.” I pinched her nose and she frowned.

“How many times I’ve told you not to call me Cassy?” she lightly punched me in the arm.

“Is that how you treat your boyfriend before he departs?” I pouted.

“You’re right.”

“I know I am, Keiko.” I sighed. “I love you.”

“I love you too. Keep loving me.”

“I will. Keep loving me too. And cherish the memories we have, especially the amazing love-making. I’m yours, you’re mine and that’s how it is suppose to be.” She whispered in my ear before kissing me full on the mouth.

I responded without holding myself back even though we were in public. I’ve never been a fan of PDA,  but I didn’t care today.

I squeezed her ass for good measure and broke the kiss. “We don’t have time for a quickie so I suggest we stop.” I gave her little butterfly kisses. I broke our embrace.

“Bye guys! I’ll see you soon.” I turned around and went to the check-in, keep looking back at the love of my life and my family.

I was going to miss them.

Chapter 21- Life can’t get any better

I sighed tiredly as I was looking for my South London house’s keys. I couldn’t find them and I was getting incredibly irritated. My hands were full with my Tesco’s bags.

And then my phone started ringing. I groaned in frustration.

“Shit.” I mumbled when my precious phone was almost falling on the ground.

I put all the bags down and searched for those damn keys.

“Thank Lord I found them!” I fumbled with the key lock and there was I, with access to my house.

Once I stepped inside with all my bags, closed the door behind me and went to the kitchen just next to the living room.

I turned on the lights and saw a purse on one of the counters.

“What the…” I whispered.

It couldn’t be. She wasn’t due here for another two weeks.

It had been six months since I’d moved to London and I last saw my friends 3 months before, when I went to see my godson, Christopher Bedford.

Yes, they named him after me. I was honored and I kept in contact with the new parents as much as I could.

The last time I’d seen my girlfriend was a month previously. She came to visit for a week and we had a lovely time. She met my British friends and I had the pleasure to meet hers.

I decided to leave the bags downstairs and go to my room, on the second storey of the house.

I ran up every step. And the anticipation was almost unbearable when I opened the door. There was her signature suitcase. The shower was running in the en-suite bathroom, the door was left ajar. I took my clothes off, suddenly wanting to take a shower with her.

I entered the bathroom silently and there she was enjoying her shower. Her eyes were closed and she looked amazing.

She was real.

She opened her eyes and saw me. Shock registered on her face and then a grin broke out.

She let me in the shower and kissed me with all she had in her.

“Hello, Stranger.” I told her smiling as the water dumped us both.

“Ciao, Amore.” She answered back.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Allegra shouted angrily.

“Are you serious, Allegra? Are you really doing this?”

I was driving us back home and I was pissed off.

“Of course I’m serious, you…urgh!” she clearly was frustrated.

“There is nothing, nothing between us, Allegra. I love you, I fucking love you.”

“She was all over you!” she said between sobs.

“She wasn’t. She just hugged me and kissed my cheek.”

“She still wants you. I could see it. How she talked to you and casually touched your arm and all that shit. She wanted to fuck you and you didn’t do anything to stop her.”

“That’s so not true.” I commented, irritated.

“So are you saying that I’m a liar?” she inquired, a few tears on her cheeks.

I sighed in frustration “No. Listen, Allegra. I love you and you’re the only one I want. Caterina is my ex, but what I feel for you is ten times stronger. Everything we have is much better than what I had with her. Stop being jealous.”

“I’m not jealous.” She mumbled.

I laughed in disbelief. “You’re unbelievable.”

“Am not.  Caterina ti mangiava con gli occhi!” she switched to Italian. She always did that when she tried to prove her point.

“E anche se fosse? Io ho occhi solo per te, Allegra.”

She sighed. “How would you feel if you saw me with another guy, maybe someone I dated previously. Would you be happy if he hugged me and shit?”

“Of course I wouldn’t. I would be jealous. But you just claimed that you are not jealous, Allegra.” I tried to make her reason.

“What if I am?” she snapped.

“There is nothing wrong with you being jealous. I hope you trust me enough to know that I wouldn’t cheat on you. Never, ever. Ti amo troppo per perderti per una cazzata del genere.” I tried to reassure her as well as I could.

She wiped her tears. “Ti amo anch’io, Chris. Scusami. I just don’t want to lose you. I already came close to it once, and I don’t want it to happen.”  She explained. “I guess I’ll have to refrain from going crazy every time I see a woman looking at you appreciatively.” She shrugged.

“Weather forecast?” I asked.

“In 3 days time. You know me so well to know when I’m crazy hormonal.”

I smiled at her. “That means that we officially have 2 more days of uninterrupted sex before the abstinence period.” I said whilst parking my car in the driveway.

“Who gets to the bedroom last is a loser!” she exclaimed before quickly unbuckling the seat belt, bolting out of the car and racing to the front door.

I rolled my eyes. She was such a kid sometimes. But I loved every aspect of her.

I was late. At least half an hour late.

“Shit.” I mumbled as I checked my watch for the tenth time. Traffic in central London was a nightmare as usual.

I was supposed to meet Allegra for lunch at a restaurant but I got held up at a meeting with an auditor we wanted to hire at Francesco’s company.

Finally finding a spot, I parked the car and ran as fast as I could after closing the car door.

Once I got in the restaurant, I asked a waitress to lead me to the table we had reserved.

And then I saw something I wouldn’t have imagined in a million years.

Jake the rat, and my girlfriend talking to each other as close friends or even more. He touched her hand but I could see she was trying to evade his touch.

He leaned in but she looked like she didn’t really want to be kissed.

Still, what the fuck was he doing there?

“I see you still insist on stealing other people’s girlfriends as a job.” I said sternly.

He looked like he had been caught doing something bad. “Chris, I had no idea that you and…”

“As if that would have stopped you. Please!” I told him.

“I told you that I was involved with someone, Jake.” Allegra told him clearly annoyed.

“Well, sorry for not understanding the message.” He whispered. “I will leave you two lover birds on your own.” He stood up from the seat that was supposed to be mine. “I hope she doesn’t regret being with you. After all it happened once with Caterina. It could easily happen again once you show your true workaholic nature and neglect your woman.” He smirked.

Allegra gasped.

I strode up to him and stared him down. “You and me. Outside. Now!” I exclaimed. I could feel the eyes of the people in the restaurant on our back.

He chuckled. “What are you gonna do?” he said as soon as we were outside the restaurant. Allegra followed, clearly worried.

I punched him square in the face.

“What the fuck!” he yelled, his nose bleeding. “You punched me.”

“If you want to know the truth you had that long coming, asshole.” I hissed.

I turned around and saw the look of horror on Allegra’s face.

And then I felt him pushing me.

“You didn’t!” I exclaimed as I turned around and pushed him back.

People were staring.

He pushed me again and I didn’t resist. I punched him again.

A full fight erupted. Allegra tried helplessly to stop us from fighting.

“Stay out of it!” I warned her, afraid that we would unintentionally hurt her.

But she didn’t listen. She got in between us just as Jake prepared himself to punch me. He got her instead.

Allegra groaned in pain and started falling. Thank Lord I was behind her so I could break her fall.

“Shit” Jake and I both murmured at the same time.

“I didn’t mean to—“ Jake started.

“Shut the fuck up. Pray to God that she’ll be fine otherwise I’ll find you and kill you.” I menaced him.

I looked at Allegra in my arms. We were both on the concrete pavement.

“Are you okay?” I asked concerned.

“It hurts like hell. Now I know how it feels when you get into a fight” she laughed brokenly.

“I want us to go to the hospital and get you checked out.”

“I’ll be fine.” She said dismissively.

“No. I want to make sure that you are really fine.”

I heard the police car siren.

“Perfect.” I said sarcastically.

“I’m not pressing charges.” Jake said. “I kind of deserved it.” He told me.

“Please, disappear Jake. You caused enough damage.” I said, my voice full of the frustration.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t you dare---“

“I’m sorry for everything I’ve done. I’m sorry for provoking you, for trying to hit on Allegra and for betraying your trust by sleeping with Caterina. I’m sorry I’m such a crap friend.”

“I don’t care. You can shove your apologies…”

“Stop it, Chris. He apologized.” Allegra said-

“That makes it so much better, right? Apologies don’t always make things better.”

“Come on, stop sulking.” Allegra sighed.

We were home, after the doctor at the hospital said that she was perfectly fine.

“I’m fine, aren’t I?” she nudged me in the ribs and I winced. “Sorry.”

“Don’t worry.” I reassured her.

“Chris, I was afraid that he was going to hurt you. Of course I had to make you stop. And it worked.”

“You say that because you are not badly damaged. What if your ribs went through one of your lungs for example? You could have been badly hurt by all this. You could..I don’t even want to think about that.” I was upset.

“I love you.”

“I love you too. But that doesn’t mean that I’m not upset. It’s all my fault.”

“Well, you are definitely a better fighter than Jake. He sucked.”

“I know, right?” I gave her a small smile.

“I found a new job. It’s for a think tank.”

“Oh. Why didn’t I hear about this before?”

“Because they offered me a position and it’s convenient. But I wanted to discuss this with you face to face.”

“Is it in New York?”

“No.”

“Los Angeles, Milan, Paris, Chicago…?”

“London.” She said stoically.

“What?” I asked in disbelief.

“In London. That would mean seeing each other whenever we want.”

“You’re not taking the job up only because I live here, right?” I inquired. I didn’t want her to give up working for the UN.

“No. I need a change in scenery and the new job is much better than the one I’m doing at the UN. It’s a senior position. I can also do some part time hours at the US Embassy if I want to.”

“So you’re moving to London?” I asked incredulously.

“Yes, I am.” She grinned and kissed me softly to avoid hurting my split lip.

“Bella!” I exclaimed and hugged her softly.

“Can I move in?” she asked tentatively.

I frowned. “Do you even have to ask?”

She visibly relaxed. “Great.” She kissed my cheek.

“I love you.” I stated.

“I know. I love you too.” She said cockily.

“That is what I wanted to hear.” I grinned broadly.

Life couldn’t honestly get any better than this. I had the woman of my dreams and although the path for happiness had been rough and I had found myself in some awful situations, I wouldn’t change it for the world. I was an adult, I learnt to deal with the past and I finally had faith in myself. I was happy, content. I’d reached my eudaimonia.

Epilogue

8 years later

I sighed exasperated. “No.”

“Why not?” she whined.

“Because I said that if you whined I wouldn’t buy it for you.” I stated firmly. “And if you keep acting like this, you’re going on time-out as soon as we get home.”

She sniffed. “But I—“

“I know that you want it, however, mom and I have been telling you that you shouldn’t whine when you would like to have something. It is not nice.”

I looked down at my 3 year old daughter and I so wanted to give in to her request, but I knew that I had to play the bad cop now or face the repercussions later.

Allegra would have killed me if she found out.

“Rebecca, you know that daddy loves you, right?” I questioned her.

She nodded. “I love you too, daddy.” She gave me a small smile.

“I don’t like saying no to you or your brother, but you will thank me when you’re a grown up.” I explained. “Now, let’s go back home. Your mother might be anxious already.”

I picked her up and reached our car.

Rebecca was the most amazing little girl I’d ever seen. Well, I’m obviously biased, but she seriously warmed anyone’s heart. She was so open and giving. She always tried to help others. But she was temperamental like her mother, and she hated losing. Her hair was red, just like my mother’s, after whom she was named and her eyes were the greenest eyes ever. I remember holding her for the first time after hours spent in the hospital and my hand being almost killed off at the process. She was beautiful and perfect. She was my little girl and nothing or no one would ever harm her. I would be there to protect her.

“Thank Lord, you’re here. Your son is driving me crazy.” Allegra hugged me and gave me a quick kiss before picking up Rebecca.

I frowned at her and she just rolled her eyes in response.

“What did he do?” I asked, concerned.

“He wants help with his homework but you know that science is definitely not my forte. He’s in his room.”

“I’m going. Allegra, please. Take it easy. What did the doctor say?”

“What did the doctor say?” she mimicked me. “You’re overbearing. Let me breath.”

“I let you breath, Allegra. Just calm down. You shouldn’t be picking Becca up now. You should be in your bed, resting.” I informed her.

“I’m tired of my bed-prison. I need to do something.” She put Becca on her high chair and started preparing her snack. “Go now.”

“Hello, Fra.” I said once I knocked on his open door.

“Hey, dad.”

“Mom told me that you needed help.” I said as I stepped inside.

“Yes.” He looked at me a bit embarrassed.

“This is not about your science homework is it?” I inquired suspiciously.

Francesco was almost 7. He looked exactly like me at his age. The only difference was his skin tone which was golden.

“I like someone and I want to ask her out. I didn’t tell mom because she would ask me every single detail and I don’t want to tell her just yet.”

“What’s her name?”

He blushed. “You know her. It’s Imogen.”

“Imogen? Uncle Laurence’s daughter Imogen?”

He nodded and looked down.

Time had passed so fast.

Imogen was the same age as Francesco and they’d been best friends forever.

Allegra and I moved back to New York when Francesco was two. We wanted to be closer to our family and friends.

If you wondered what happened to my sister she did get married to Owen, and I’m an uncle of an amazing 5 year old boy called Aiden.

“Do you know if she likes you?” I asked cautiously.

“Well…she said that when we’ll be adults, if we cannot find anyone else to be with we might as well get married. Does that count for something?”

I smiled. “It probably does. You might want to tell her that you like her. I remember having the same fear when I wanted to tell your mother that I wanted to be with her.”

“What happened? Did you tell her?”

“I..well…I kissed her and she ran away.” Obviously that was the censored version of what had truly happened.

“Oh.” He looked down.

“But then we got together and here we are 8 years later with a family, you, your sister and your little brother on the way. Maybe it is worth a try.” I shrugged. “You might never know…”

“I guess you’re right. I’ll tell her—“

“Tonight, when she comes over?”

“Maybe on Monday at school, or next week.”

I patted his back. “You’ll be fine.” I reassured him. “You do know that you need to take your nap before it’s time to get ready. Mom invited some people over for fun.”

“Will Grandpa be there?”

“Yes, he will.” I smiled thinking about how excited the children were to see my father.

Surprisingly I found the strength to forgive him and create a relationship with him. I decided that I didn’t want my children to live without knowing my father, so I let him in, incredibly slowly. We had a good relationship, sometimes a bit frosty on my side, but I was working on that.

“Hopefully Uncle Kenzo and Aunt Isobel will be there as well.” I added.

Yes, those two were still together. They weren’t officially married yet, but they had a symbolic ceremony at the beach house. Isobel refused to get married because she was afraid of marriage. Kenzo loved her so much that he would do everything. But I knew better. He really wanted to make her a honest woman but she was so stubborn. They had a child, Ben, and he was 3 months old.

Allegra was resting on the bed and I was happy about that. I entered the room and saw that she was reading a book.

“What are you reading?” I asked her as I laid down next to her on the bed after taking my shoes off.

“A book.” She said.

“Thank you, Captain Obvious.” I said sarcastically.

She rolled her eyes, closed the book and put it on the side-table.

“It’s about sex during pregnancy.” She looked at me in the eyes. She was pissed off, I could tell. “But I think I’ll have to burn it because I won’t need it. You’re putting me off. What does a woman have to do to convince her husband to perform his duty? It’s been 3 months.” She whined.

“I know.” I sighed. “I want you too. So much that you can’t even imagine how I feel.”

“Then what’s your problem?” she snapped.

“I don’t want anything to happen to you and the baby. You weren’t feeling well after the last time we had sex and we had to go to the hospital.”

“That wasn’t your fault, Chris. I just needed to take it easy with work and try to calm down.”

“I was afraid that we were going to lose him. And that something could happen to you---“

“It wasn’t your fault. I love you, okay. I’m yours and you’re mine. We belong together and you weren’t going to lose me just because the last time we had sex it was a bit rough.” She caressed my cheek and kissed me softly.

“Okay.” I said unconvinced.

“I’m hormonal and shit. I want you to have sex with me. Now. The kids are taking their afternoon naps so we have an hour. I know I’m fat and heavy, but pretend that I’m still a size 4.”

“Allegra, you’re not fat. I like you better now. There’s more for me to touch and cherish.”

“I was an 8 when I wasn’t pregnant with the baby. This is all your fault. And I’m getting stupid stretch-marks.”

“Cassiopea.” I called her to get her attention. “I don’t care. I love you like this. You’re hot as hell and I like you better this way. Please stay at least a size 6, 8 even better.” I kissed her hungrily.

“You’re so annoying, Chris. But I love you. Now do your duty.” She demanded, as serious as she could ever be.

“I can’t believe that tomorrow you will be celebrating your 8th anniversary.” Laurence said. “And to think that I had lost faith in you and Allegra ever being together.” He patted my back. “And to think that you didn’t want to date anyone and hated to admit your feelings for Allegra..” he trailed off.

“I know.” I looked at my wife, she was sitting down with Isobel and Giselle and they were chatting animatedly. “I’m kind of glad that you acted as my conscience, although I have to admit that you were terrible Laurence.”

“I know, but you love me anyway.” He smirked and I rolled my eyes in response.

My father and Kenzo came up to us. “Guys.” Kenzo smiled brightly.

“Where’s little Ben?”

“With my parents. They wanted to spend time with him. I didn’t know it was this sad to separate yourself from your children even for a few hours.”

“I know. The constant worry…” I said.

“It will never go away. Even when you’re children are married and have families of their own you still worry about them.” My dad intervened.

“Well, thanks for nothing.” Kenzo muttered. “I don’t even know how much we’ll have to worry once they become teenagers.”

“Please, don’t go there. I’m terrified already at the prospect of Imogen coming home with a guy with tattoos and piercings and a criminal record.” He whispered worriedly as he looked at his daughter playing around with Francesco.

“That will probably never happen unless Francesco decides to go into rebellious mode.” My father argued.

I glared at him. “My son will not be rebellious, thank you.” I stated.

“Wait, do you think those two?  To be honest, I love my godchild, I really do, but tell him to keep his hands off my daughter until they’re at least 30.” Ben stated seriously.

I smirked. “Ah. You wish. They’ll probably end up together before they even become teenagers. They are best friends now.”

“Maybe they’ll get married.” Kenzo made fun of Laurence who glared at me.

“I hate the idea of someone stealing away by little girl.” He muttered.

“I know the feeling.” My dad patted him. “You’ll survive. You just have to make sure that the guy she’ll end up with is worthy of her.”

I felt someone’s arms around my waist.

“Allegra, you’re glowing. That’s a nice change from your angry, depressed and resigned mood of the last few weeks.” Kenzo commented.

“What can I say? I love my life.” She smiled brightly.

“Pregnancy definitely suits you.”

“Thank you, Richard.” Allegra smiled warmly and hugged me closer. I kissed the top of her head before breaking our embrace. She gave me her back and I put my arms around her waist, my hands on her swollen stomach.

“Do you plan on having other kids?” Laurence asked curiously.

If looks could kill the one I sent to him could.

“I don’t know.” I answered. “It’s Allegra’s body. Her choice.”

“Let me finish with this kid and then I’ll let you know.”

“When is your sister coming over to New York again?”

“Next week. We’ll meet her at lunch, same place, same time.” I told my father.

My sister and her husband lived in Washington D.C. with their amazing son. I missed having her near me all the time, but we had a two weeks family vacation every summer.

“Keiko…” I whispered in Allegra’s ear before biting it gently.

“Mmmm?” she asked, suppressing a moan.

“I think you should sit down and relax a bit. You looked tired.” I left a small kiss on her neck.

“I know. In fact, I might as well go to bed in half a hour.” She replied.

Almost an hour later I found myself helping the guests to get their coats.

“Where is Imogen?” Christopher, Laurence’s eldest son ask.

“Do not worry about her. I’ll tell her she needs to get ready.” I informed him.

“Thanks, Uncle Chris.”

I found her alright. She was talking to Francesco.

“You look really pretty tonight.” Francesco said sheepishly.

Imogen smiled and blushed. “You look pretty too.”

“I can’t be pretty. I’m a boy.”

“You look handsome, then.” She corrected herself.

Francesco nodded. “I really like you.” He avoided eye contact.

“I like you too, Franci, and I know that we will be together when we get older. You’re my best friend and I guess I can marry you instead of my dad.” She reasoned.

“Can I do something?” Francesco asked tentatively.

“Sure.” She smiled big.

Francesco leaned closer and pecked her lips.

They looked at each other and rubbed their mouths.

“Ew. I don’t get why adults kiss all the time, it’s gross.” Imogen wa the first one to break the silence.

“I agree.”

“Maybe when we’re going to be adults, we’ll understand.”

“Maybe.”

“Imogen?” I said coming out of my hiding place.

“Yes, Uncle?”

“You need to get going.”

“Our son is all grown up. He shared his first kiss with Imogen.” I was so proud of him.

“Did you take a photo?” her eyes full of hope.

“Of course I did.”

I showed her and she was ecstatic.

“Our kids are great.”

“I know.” I laid my hand on her stomach and smiled happy as I felt the baby kick.

“I love you Chris. And I’m so happy that you gave me another chance.” She smiled and kissed me passionately.

“I love you too, wifey.”

She rolled her eyes but smiled nonetheless. “Happy Anniversary.” She whispered.

“Happy anniversary.” I whispered back.

“I just want to remind you that you’re mine and I’m yours, and these 8 years as husband and wife have been great. I still want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

“I’m proud of being in love with you. One of the smartest decision my heart has even made for me.” I kissed her forehead and hugged her to me. “This is exactly how it is supposed to be: you and I together. We belong to each other, Allegra Keiko Cassiopea Carter-Fitzwilliam.”