RAYNA

Everything was just way too loud. Did these people I called my family have an ounce of respect for me? I thought as I buried my face deeper into my pillow and tried to go back to sleep. However, because the cosmos and stars and planets or whatever weren’t in my favour, I wasn’t given the simple pleasure of a few more minutes of blissful sleep. Someone loudly knocked on my bedroom door while someone else (I assumed my mother) banged on the kitchen ceiling (which my bedroom was directly above of), with a broom.

“Rayna, get up!” my twin brother yelled from the door. “You’re going to be late for school. It’s our senior year!” I could practically hear the smile and excitement in his manly deep voice.

I groaned as I slowly rolled off my bed, walked to my door, swung my door open and glared at my brother. “Leave me alone, Bret.” I winced when I got a whiff of my morning breath and judging by the look of disgust on Bret’s face, he’d gotten a whiff of it as well.

“You look like shit,” he said fixing the collar of his letterman jacket. “Are you hungover?” he asked snickering.

“Are you hungover?” I returned in a mocking tone.

Bret rolled his eyes. “Well from the looks of it, you definitely are. I know how much liquor I can handle. You however,” he said pointing his index finger at me, “have no idea how much liquor you can handle. They’re going to kill you,” he said referring to our parents. “They are so going to tear you a new one. They’re little princess is a drunkard.”

“Shut up,” I said pushing him aside. “Mom and dad have no idea I’m hungover. They don’t even know I drink,” I said mostly reassuring myself.

“They do now,” Bret said in a soft tone.

“What do you mean?” In my parents’ eyes, I was their little angel. Though I wasn’t the youngest child (my little brother Timothy held that title), but I was their only girl and because of that, I got a lot of attention and affection from them.

Yes, my memory of the night before was blurry but I was certain my parents’ didn’t know what had happened.  I just remember leaving Bret at the party and coming home alone to both parents in bed, and then going straight to sleep. There was no way they knew where I was or what I did. They slept like the dead.

“Don’t you remember coming home and throwing up?” When I shook my head Bret continued with a slight smirk on his lips. “You were so drunk at the party that I had to physically carry you home and when we did get home, mom and dad were up waiting on us. They’d found out that we’d snuck out.” Bret’s smirk faded a bit as he thought about the night before. “My bet is that Timothy snitched on us,” Bret added as an afterthought. “Mom had to hold your hair while you threw up into the toilet. You’re a sloppy drunk, Rayna.”  

Oh no. My heart sunk and I closed my eyes in guilt. My parents were going to be so disappointed in me. I clutched my pounding head and ran to the bathroom, I could hear Bret chuckling as I scrammed to lift the toilet seat up. I felt like I was getting sick all over again. I didn’t throw up though. I must’ve emptied my stomach last night. Or technically, earlier this morning. What difference did it make?

After I finished showering, wearing my best clothes and putting on makeup, I took a deep breath and forced myself to go downstairs to face my parents’ wrath.

When I got to the kitchen, my mom had already made my breakfast for me. It included all my favourite things. There was bacon, scrambled eggs, toast, and a bowl of fruit salad. For half a second I thought there was no way my mom would make me all of this if they’d caught me in a drunken state. Bret had lied to me, I thought as I happily sat down and shoved a forkful of eggs into my mouth.

“Rayna, we thought you were better than this,” my mother commented immediately in the most disappointing tone I’d ever heard. The eggs tasted stale all of a sudden.  

I slowly sat my fork down, bowed my head and apologized. I felt really humiliated. My mother and I had a close relationship and seeing her so disappointed in me hurt more than I thought it would.

My dad came down from upstairs, kissed my mom’s cheek and stole a sip of her coffee. I smiled at their loving behavior towards one another, but my smile quickly fell from the glare my dad shot me. “So what else have you been lying to us above?” he asked.

“It’s all right honey, she apologized,” my mom said placing a calming hand on his shoulder.

“Nothing else,” I said in a small voice. “I promise.”

“Are you sure,” my brother Timothy said.

“Keep out of this Tim. This doesn’t concern you,” I snapped.

“Sure it does,” he said. “I look up to you as an exemplary person and I need to know the things you do so I may learn from you. You’re my role model, Rayna.” It was a bunch of crap and he knew it, he was just trying to make me look worse than I already did.

Out of all my brother’s, Timothy was the most annoying. Sure, I loved him. He was my brother; I had no choice but to love him. However, that didn’t mean I didn’t think he was a complete pain in my ass. Timothy was the prankster of the family. He was always looking for ways to ruin someone’s life, but he wasn’t really a bad guy. Timothy was 15 but acted like he was 5 or something. Little shit.

My parents’ have four kids. Bret and I both were 17, and Nick was 16.

Nick was very kind. He was very sweet to every single person he ever came across. He never raised his voice or gotten angry at anyone. Whenever he did get angry, which was rarely, it was for someone else. For example, when my boyfriend broke up with me in the beginning of the summer, Nick got mad for me. He comforted me and stuck by my side until I felt better. But, when a girl he liked didn’t like him back and treated him harshly, he never once got mad.

Bret was on and off. He had his moments where he was a great brother and would fight for me no matter what and then there were days where we just fought each other. I understood why he was so hot and cold. He was the star basketball and baseball player at our school. All the girls fawned at his feet and all the guys at the school wanted to be his friend. He had an image to obtain.  

As for me, I was awesome. I’m the best sister these guys could ever ask for.

“Mom, dad, I’m really sorry for my behavior last night. It won’t happen again.” I apologized again giving my parents’ my signature puppy dog eyes. It was killer. As per usual, it worked to my advantage. The disappointing expression on my parent’s face vanished and replaced with looks of acceptance and love.

“Oh come on!” Bret protested, throwing his arms up and spitting food everywhere. “You’ll forgive her that easily? She flashes her eyes at you, blinks a couple of times and all is forgiven?”

My parents’ diverted their attention to Bret, who in turn, shrunk in his seat. Mom and dad were pretty lenient and understanding, which I was grateful for. They weren’t as strict as the parents’ of some of my friends, but they weren’t soft on us either.

“She apologized for her mistake,” my dad said in a soft yet stern tone. “You on the other hand, haven’t explained your actions last night nor have you apologized for them.”

“I didn’t do anything wrong, dad,” Bret defended. “I just drank a bit and hung out with my friends. It was a party to celebrate the beginning of our final year at high school. I was responsible considering the event.” Admittingly, he had a point. Out of the two of us, Bret was the responsible one.

“Fine. You’re off the hook, too,” my mom said before she practically inhaled a piece of toast. “Hurry up, you’re running late.”

We all quickly devoured our food, kissed our parents’ goodbye and ran out the door.

Since all of us were close in age, we all attended the same boring high school. The school was less than ten minutes away so we walked to school every day.

“Are you excited?” Bret asked gripping his backpack strips tighter. Nick and Timothy were walking ahead of us. They had their heads bowed and were engaged in a very serious conversation about turtles and tortoises. 

“Excited for what?” I answered.

“We’re in grade 12 now,” Bret explained like I was stupid. “We finally have our mandatory soulmate class, Rayna.”

Oh right. I had almost forgotten but I couldn’t stop myself from being a bit excited.

Soulmates were everything, according to society that was. If you wanted to live a happy and accomplished life, you had to find your soulmate or else you’d be unhappy forever.

The purpose of everyone’s existence was to find their soulmate and grow old together, because if you didn’t find your soulmate, you never grew old. People aged normally until they turned 18 and once they’d reached that age, they ceased to age. So in other words, if someone were to never find their soulmate, they would never die.

The sound of never dying sounded blissful to me. Who doesn’t want to be immortal? However, not finding our soulmate for a long time had its effects. It seemed like no matter what you did, you could never be truly happy. A part of you would always feel empty. From what I’ve heard from other people, it seemed like there was a constant void in your soul that would not, nor could not be filled. The only thing that could fill it was the bond between two soulmates.

Personally, I didn’t find that unbearable. Finding your soulmate didn’t define who you were as a person nor did it define your purpose in life. Everyone has a different purpose. Whether it be to make people happy, to save lives, to change lives or to simply to affect one person in some way, shape or form, even if that person was yourself.

“It’s no big deal, Bret,” I shrugged.

Bret scoffed. “No big deal!? This is huge. Aren’t you excited to meet that one person that’ll make you complete and whole? The one person, that gets you like no other person, and makes you happy like no other person?”

“Are you excited to die or something?” I retorted harsher than I meant to. “Let’s be honest for a second. Not everyone has found their soulmate nor are they ever going to. You know about that guy in Germany that was born in like the 1700’s and has yet to find his soulmate? You have to be reasonable and learn to live on your own.”

Bret pushed me to the side and stopped walking. “You’re just angry because some guy didn’t think you were his soulmate so he dumped you.”

Bret was satisfied by the hurt look on my face and continued to walk. I swallowed the bile that had risen in my throat and blinked away my tears. Bret was right. I was angry. I was angry and bitter. Who wouldn’t be if they were dumped by someone they loved and genuinely thought was their soulmate? He didn’t feel the same way, though. He thought I was getting in the way of him finding his soulmate.

“Rayna,” Timothy called running towards me. “Bret’s a dick. Don’t listen to him.” He grabbed my hand and began walking towards the school. “Come on.”

I frowned in confusion and stared at Tim. “Why are you being nice to me Timmy? You’re never nice to me.”

“I can be nice when I want to,” he defended. “I just like to pull your leg. It’s fun making you angry. I don’t like you being upset though.” He paused for a few seconds. “Plus, Nick made me come get you,” he smiled.

“That makes more sense,” I joked, smiling shyly. “Thank you though,” I said squeezing his hand.

“No problem,” he said winking.

Tim and I were actually getting along for once in our lives and were having a fun conversation about Christmas movies when I heard someone yelling my name.

I turned around searching for the source of the voice. It was my best friend Lacey.

“Oh man,” Tim groaned. “I can’t stand that cow.”

“Hey,” I said lightly smacking him on the shoulder. “That’s my friend you’re talking about.”

Tim has always had a problem with Lacey. I thought it may have been because he had a crush on her, but he denied it. He said it was because he couldn’t trust her. There was something about her that he just didn’t like. Also, he said she was a total snob. This technically wasn’t a lie.

“See you later, Rayna,” Tim said walking away towards his friends.

I turned my attention back to Lacey. She had dyed her hair grey. It was a new hipster thing that was going on. It nicely complimented her dark skin tone. I self-consciously touched my hair. Did I remember to put some coconut oil in there? I didn’t want my hair to look dry and dull. I thought as I watched Lacey walk towards me.  She looked completely different, yet her aura was the same. The way she moved and presented herself was the same. She still demanded the attention of everyone around the perimeter. She still had the blinding smile but there seemed to be a bit of wickedness in that smile. Had that always been there?

Lacey lifted her arms in the air silently demanding a hug. She knew I wasn’t a huge fan of touching people. I just didn’t like people touching me. I didn’t mind touching my family members but I didn’t like touching other people. Boyfriends were fine. I didn’t mind them touching me.

I gave a small strained smile and forced my body into her arms. I didn’t quite reciprocate the hug. I just let her hold me while my arms stayed to my sides.

“There there,” Lacey said petting my head as if I was some animal. To an outsider, I probably looked like a helpless person who was being comforted by Lacey. I knew what she was doing. Lacey always had to one up me. By doing this, she was making it look like I was a damsel in destress and she was my hero. People were going to think she was an amazing person, who helped the less fortunate. She was doing this to make me look weak.

It was times like these where I tried to remember why she and I were friends to begin with.

“Okay,” I said getting myself out of the hug.

Lacey shot me a look of pity and my insides burned with rage. “How are you?” Lacey asked as if I were a child.

“I’m fine,” I said.

“I heard about the break up,” she commented with a pout.

“Didn’t everyone?” I asked in a flat voice.

As per usual, Lacey ignored my comment and continued on with her thoughts. “I am so sorry I wasn’t here to support you,” she stated. “As you know, I was in Italy. Italy was so much fun. I met some really great guys. Slept with a lot of them,” she boasted. I lifted the right corner of my upper lip in response. “The scenery there is so magnificent. The architecture, food, people, culture. I miss it all already,” she smiled staring blankly into the air as if she was reminiscing.

I rolled my eyes and asked myself why I was still paying attention to this. Why hadn’t I walked away from her as soon as she opened her fucking arms to a person she knew didn’t like to be touched?

“Do you like my hair?” she asked flicking it behind her shoulder.

“Yeah, it’s nice,” I answered.

“I know,” she laughed while she played with her hair.

I rolled my eyes, turned around and began walking to the doors. “Where are you going?” Lacey asked catching up to me.

“To school,” I motioned pointing to the building.

“Okay,” Lacey quipped. “You know, Rayna, I know you got dumped and all but there’s no need to be a bitch to me. I wasn’t the one to break up with you.”

I stopped in my tracks and really looked at Lacey. I don’t know what revelation I had but right then and there, I was done. I couldn’t be friends with her anymore. She was poison. She was insensitive, rude, selfish and cocky. A few years ago, heck, even a few months ago, I would’ve said she was the epitome of a best friend. I would’ve said she was caring, thoughtful, selfless and generous. She was so fun to hang out with. She was silly and adventurous. She always found the best in people and made sure they knew how special they were.

Then, almost overnight, puberty caught up to her and she got lucky. All of a sudden, she had grown into her lanky arms and legs. She had grown into her ears and her large wide eyes suddenly looked doe like and it made the boys go crazy over her. Her wild hair was now tamed. Her hair was shiny and bounced with life. She started dressing more provocatively and hanging out with jocks and people that were into themselves way too much. That changed her. That made her someone I loathed. No, I didn’t hate her because she wore better clothes or she was gifted in wearing perfect makeup or that she looked like a goddess. No. I hated her because she made me feel like I wasn’t worthy of being her friend anymore. I felt like I was some kind of social charity case to her.

“Why are do you still hang out with me?” I softly asked. I smiled when I saw the look of confusion flash across Lacey’s face. When I didn’t get an immediate response I asked again. “Why are we still friends, Lacey? Why are we still hanging out? We’re completely different.” I sighed. “You’re completely different,” I said in a sotto voice.

“I don’t understand,” she whispered slightly shaking her head. Her eyes were looking everywhere but my face. For a second I thought that maybe I was making a mistake. I thought that maybe she actually still cared about our friendship and I was just interpreting everything wrong. Perhaps I just wasn’t seeing things clearly. I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t unfriend Lacey, was currently my only friend. Our other friends stopped hanging out with us about a year ago when Lacey began to change. I only stayed with Lacey because I felt a sense of loyalty to her. After all, we had known each other since kindergarten.

However, when I was about to open my mouth and tell her to forget about what I had just said, I heard the whispered voices.

I slowly turned around to see what was going on. There were people in small groups standing around watching Lacey and I break up our friendship. I really didn’t care that people were watching, everyone in this damn school never minded their own business.

I returned my attention back to Lacey to see her blotting her eyes with a tissue. I scowled in confusion. Why was she crying? Where did she get a tissue that quickly? There was literally no reason to cry. I technically hadn’t told her that I thought we shouldn’t be friends anymore. The result of that hung on her answer to my question

Then it clicked. She was acting as the innocent one in the situation. Lacey wasn’t stupid, she knew where I was going in the conversation. If she didn’t cry, then in people’s eyes, she’d look like a loser whose longtime friend no longer wanted to be friends anymore. But tears… tears meant victim and victim meant sympathy. She was purposely acting heartbroken so more people would take sympathy on her and her popularity would sky rocket. I would be the bitch that hurt Lacey.

“I know what you’re doing,” I hissed.

“Like I care,” Lacey said bowing her head down so her hair was covering her face from the nosy bystanders watching us. She gave me a snide look. “Rayna, I couldn’t care any less about what you think of me,” she spat harshly. “Do what you want, I don’t care. I don’t need you. I was only hanging out with you because I felt sorry for you. Without me, who else do you have? You don’t have any other friends. What are you going to do? Hang out with your brothers’? You’ll look so pathetic, but that’s not my problem anymore.”

With that, Lacey lifted her head back up, hiccupped, wiped her fake tears, and ran towards the main doors.

I rolled my eyes and turned my attention back to the crowd. Some people were giving me nasty looks while others were actually smiling and clapping. Timothy was amongst one of the ones that were cheering. He gave me a thumb up when we made eye contact. I gave him a gentle smile and a nod. The bell rang and everyone rushed to the doors and towards their first class of the school year.

My first class was photography. Photography used to be my favourite class because I loved capturing moments of things I thought were beautiful and also because I shared the class with my then boyfriend, Tyler. Tyler and I were opposite in what we wanted to pursue educationally, but the one thing we had in common was photography.

When I walked into the classroom, Tyler was sitting in his usual seat beside the window directly in front of the sun. We had claimed that seat at the beginning of our very first class. It was the most beautiful seat in the room. It was actually quite romantic. The idea of hanging out with your boyfriend and having the sun shine directly behind you, illuminating each other. It was corny now when I thought about it.

Tyler made eye contact with me and gave me a smile. I gave him a tight smile in return and looked around to look for a new seat to claim. I ended up sitting beside the Shy Guy who barely spoke a word to anyone. I looked at Tyler to see if he was watching me but he wasn’t. He was staring at his phone and smiling. It hurt to see that he had gotten over me so quickly. I wasn’t over him yet. I guess there was a part of me that still hoped he would think he made a huge mistake breaking up with me and try to get back with me. Of course, I’d say yes.

Looking at him now though, I realized we were really done.

Our teacher had given us all photographs of a group of people who all had different emotions. She wanted us to pick a person and sketch out a scenarios that made them express the emotion on their face. The emotion we picked would be our theme for our first project. The Shy Guy beside me looked at me and said in a low voice, “I thought this was a photography class, not a sketching class.” His small smile fell when I stared blankly at him. He had a British accent. I never knew that. Well in my defense, I had never heard him speak to anyone before.

“Sorry,” he said looking down at his feet. “I have horrible humor.”

“Don’t worry about it,” I said feeling bad. “Your sense of humor is better than mine. I don’t know any jokes,” I said in hopes of lighting up the situation.

Shy Guy nodded and gave me a shy smile. “I saw what happened this morning,” he confessed. “I thought it was pretty bad ass of you.”

“Thanks,” I sighed not wanting to think about it.

The guy looked like he was itching to say something but he kept his mouth shut. After two minutes, he finally bottled up the courage to speak. What he said shattered my heart.

“Do you think they’re soulmates?”

I blinked at him in confusion. He gave me a pitiful smile and jerked his head towards the far end of the class where Tyler sat. But instead of me sitting beside him, it was Lacey. She was practically sitting on his lap. They were whispering to each other. From where I sat, it looked like they were a couple, a very flirty couple.

“So do you?” the Shy Guy repeated when I didn’t answer is question.

I wanted to tell him that I hoped not. I wanted to tell Shy Guy that I hoped Tyler and Lacey never found their soulmates. I hoped they found people they deeply cared about who weren’t their soulmates only to have the other person they were in a relationship with find their soulmate and leave them. I hoped they got hurt the way I was hurting.

It would completely destroy me if Tyler and Lacey ended up actually being soulmates. Tyler had broken up with me because he thought we weren’t soulmates, but did he think Lacey was the one? How could she be, she’s Lacey. Yet again, how could she not be, she’s Lacey.

I looked away from the two and focused back on Shy Guy. I really needed to ask him his name.

I shrugged my shoulders, “I don’t know.”

Shy Guy offered me a small smile and a nod. He cleared his throat and began to sketch the angry man in the photo. “For your sake,” he whispered without looking at me, “I hope they aren’t.”

I erupted in a fit of laughter. A bunch of students jumped at my outburst and glared at me, while some others smiled at me, Shy Guy being one of the latter. What he said wasn’t even funny, but just the thought of someone else hoping the same thing I did made me laugh. Did that make me a bad person? To wish such awful things for people that meant a great deal to me not so long ago?

“Thank you,” I wheezed happily. It’s been a long time since I let go and just carelessly laughed.

Shy Guy just winked at me.  

The rest of my classes went pretty well. No one bothered me. Surprisingly, most people were much friendlier to me. However, just because I got a few smiles here and there, didn’t really mean I had made any new friends, so come lunch time, I had no idea who to sit with.

I was half tempted to go sit beside Bret, but I didn’t want to surround myself with his rambunctious friends.

Though I loved Nick and Timothy, it would be social suicide to sit with my little brothers’.

“Rayna,” Bret called catching my attention. I raised my eyebrow at him in question. He beckoned at me to join him at his table. It was times like this that I believed in twin intuition.

I had two choices. I could either join Bret and his friends; deal with them for an hour, or I could, just find a vacant seat at literally any table and not have to deal with Bret’s friends.

Before I could make a decision, Shy Guy from my photography class came into view and gave me a bright smile.

“Hey,” he said waving at me even though we stood an arm’s length away from each other.

“Hi,” I greeted in return giving him a hesitant smile. My mind automatically concluded that Shy Guy must have a crush on me. No guy in this school was kind to a girl just because they felt like it or they wanted to be friends with them.

“Would you like to sit with me and my friends for lunch?” he asked excitedly. I quickly tried to think of a way to gently let him down. I didn’t want to lead him on; I was still hung up on Tyler. Shy Guy must’ve noticed my uneager because he gently hit my shoulder in enthusiasm. “Oh come on,” he chimed, “what’s the worst that can happen.”

I shrugged and glanced over at Bret. He gave me a supportive smile and judging from the look he gave me, he was silently telling me to follow Shy Guy. “Okay,” I sighed.

“Great,” he said gently pushing me towards the far end of the cafeteria. “I think you know some of my friends already.”

I highly doubted that. Shy Guy never spoke to anyone and he didn’t seem like the type of have many friends. Sure, he was kind of cute and smart but the way he presented himself just seemed a bit…odd.

My legs stopped working as soon as I realized which table Shy Guy and I were heading to. “No,” I breathed. Shy Guy grasped my wrist and pulled me to the table. “Sit down,” he ordered and somehow I complied without complaint.

Shy Guy went around the table to where the beautiful Latino girl I used to call a friend sat. Shy Guy leaned over and gave her a meaningful, soft and yet quick kiss. Oh. Okay.

They said something only the two of them could hear and the erupted in laughter which was followed by another kiss.

“They’re always like that,” the guy beside me said. He had long hair which he had tied up into a bun. “What can you expect with soulmates, really?” he said smiling at the couple.

“Huh,” I sputtered.

“Patrick and Lola are soulmates,” he explained as if it was old news. “I’m Frank by the way,” he introduced sticking out his hand for a handshake.

I blankly shook his hand. I was still wrapped up about Lola and Shy Guy – Patrick, being soulmates. I knew Lola was 18; she started school a year late because her parents’ were very over protective and thought it was wiser to have Lola wait a year longer before she started school.

I knew this because Lola and I used to be very close friends. There was an entire circle of us. A clique if you will. Lacey, Lola, myself and four other girls, said girls were currently sitting at the table as well. They were giving me comforting smiles. I couldn’t understand why, they should hate me for wanting to only be friends with Lacey.

Lola, Ingrid, Sapphire, Denise, and Nora were smart enough to ditch Lacey when she began to change. They hadn’t liked the way Lacey had made them feel so they split from the group, though they remained a group of their own. They had advised me to leave Lacey as well but because of my loyalty to Lacey, I didn’t. I thought they hated me for not joining them. I had every reason to think they hated me. They stopped talking to me, texting me, or even sitting beside me in class. They had stopped all levels of communication.

“How can they be soulmates? How did they know so early?” I wondered.

“Fate I guess,” Frank explained. “They’re both 18,” he said explaining further. “I was there when they met. It was during the summer when we all went to an amusement park. It wasn’t as dramatic as you’d think but as soon as they’re eyes met, they knew. They’ve been inseparable since.”

I waited for it. I waited for the pit of my stomach to roll in a fit of jealously. I waited to feel pain and hatred from watching Patrick and Lola be happy together seep into my bones, but it never came. Instead, I just felt happiness.

The rest of the lunch period went by without a hitch. Everyone at the table was nice and they welcomed me with open arms. Within the fourty-five minute lunch break, I had made four new friends and reunited with another four.

I had two classes before my soulmate class. Every senior in the school had to take the course. Every senior in the world had to take the course. From what I’ve heard from people who have taken it before, it is really eye opening and educational. Since all of the seniors were put into one class, the class was held in the school’s auditorium.

I pushed my way through the crowd to get a good seat. Everyone knew there were about 50 seats that were horrible in some way shape or form. To my absolute horror, I couldn’t find any of the good seats available. I was about to sit on a squeaky chair when I heard someone calling my name.

It was Lola and everyone from lunch. I walked up to them and said hi. I could afford leaving my squeaky chair for a few minutes; there was no way I could find anything worse.

“We saved you a seat,” Lola said pointing to the seat between her and Frank.

I stood there speechless for ten seconds before I sat down. “Thank you,” I said giving Lola a smile. She graciously returned my smile and asked me about my day.

I was in the middle of telling Lola, Frank and Patrick about how I had put excessive amounts of salt into everything Timothy ate for an entire week after I had found out he had read my diary when I was interrupted by one of the teachers.

“Welcome everyone,” she said in an excited voice. “As most of you know, I’m Mrs. Ingrite and I am the head guidance counselor at the school. What most of you might not know is that I am also a soulmate specialist.” She dramatically paused, waiting for the audience to ooh and aah. It never came. Everyone already knew she was a soulmate specialist.

“Okay,” Mrs. Ingrite said when she didn’t get the response she wanted. “So we are going to get right into business. Beside me are two wonderful individuals,” she said pointing to the two women on the stage with her. “They are here to help me with the class and to tell you a bit about their own personal experiences. So without further ado, they’ll begin.”

I took the slight pause to look around the auditorium; most of the students actually looked intrigued and happy.

The woman closest to Mrs. Ingrite took the microphone and warmly greeted us. She looked older than 18 which meant she had found her soulmate. “So,” she sighed looking around the auditorium, “how many of you have parents that are soulmates.”  I raised my hand as well as about 70% of my school mates raised their hands. “So I assume that the rest of you have parents’ that aren’t soulmates but decided to get together anyway. Correct?” Choruses of yes’ were shouted.

“Alright, nice,” she said sitting on the edge of the stage. “Oh, sorry,” she giggled. “I didn’t introduce myself. My name is Elizabeth. I’m not a teacher so just call me that. Over there is Daisy. Everyone say hi to Daisy.” Surprisingly, people obliged. There was something about Elizabeth that made you like her. It was just her demeanor. Elizabeth patted the floor beside her and told Daisy to join her.

“I think we should have discussions instead of Daisy and I just telling you stuff,” she said to the group. “Mrs. Ingrite, I know this isn’t how it’s normally done but I feel like this is the best way for them to learn,” she confessed to Mrs. Ingrite.

Mrs. Ingrite nodded and said it was fine. Mrs. Ingrite was a 60 year old woman who, because of her fabulous genes, looked like she was 30. “You know,” Daisy said speaking for the first time, “before we talk to you all, why don’t the three of us talk a bit about ourselves and how we met our soulmates.”

 “What a splendid idea,” Mrs. Ingrite said joining Daisy and Elizabeth on the edge of the stage. “I’ll begin,” she said excitedly. “So I grew up in here in Ajax. I lived in a quiet neighbourhood not too far away from here actually.” She took a big breath and continued. “So in high school, I had this boyfriend and we were crazy about each other, we thought we were it. We thought we had found our soulmates in each other. Luckily, we both go accepted to Columbia, so we moved to New York together. Our parents’ were okay with us moving in together once we were in New York. It wasn’t a big deal since we were 18 and practically adults. We could make our own decisions. Everything was going fine. Everything was perfect.” Mrs. Ingrite paused for dramatic affect and to be honest, it was working. I was hooked onto her story. “Then come, five years, James, that was his name, I don’t know if I had mentioned it before,” she said going off in a tangent. “Anyway, come five years, neither of us had aged. I didn’t notice at first, until one day, James and I were going through our photobook and we noticed it. We thought it was nothing at first. I mean,” she said laughing, “an 18 year old and a 23 year old don’t look that different? Do they?”

The drama queen that was Mrs. Ingrite paused once again to get up, walk to her chair where she had left her thermos, take a drink from it and slowly walk back to join the other two on the edge.  

“James and I loved each other, we really did. So we lied to ourselves. We convinced not only each other but ourselves that we were soulmates and if we waited another few years, we’ll see that we’re aging.

“Another five years passed and we still looked like we had just turned 18. When we both finally accepted that we weren’t soulmates we spent the entire night crying into each other’s arms. James thought that since we’ve been together for so long, we should just stay together; there was no reason to split up since neither of us had found our soulmate. I agreed.

“We stayed in New York for another seven years or so. On Christmas, we were getting ready for our flight home when James got a call from work. He had to rush over to work for an emergency, so we decided that I’d catch the flight without him and he’d take another flight the next day.

“So I was at the airport waiting for my flight when this man sat beside me. He gave me a small smile and I felt like my insides had exploded. A deep shiver ran through me. I thought I was going crazy because I was feeling all these feelings that I had never felt for James. It wasn’t love, but it was some sort of raw affection and fondness. My heart was racing and my hands were shaking but I confidently returned his smile. His smile brightened and he introduced himself. In the twenty minutes that we sat there waiting for our flight we had gotten to know each other a huge deal. Coincidentally, we were seated beside each other on the plane so we only got to know each other more.

“Believe it or not,” Mrs. Ingrite laughed, “we found out we grew up two houses away from each other. After we had gotten to our respective homes, or rather our parents’ homes, we didn’t speak again that day. But he was in my mind the entire time that we were apart. I couldn’t stop thinking about him and I felt so guilty because I loved James. Oh!” Mrs. Ingrite exclaimed raising her hand, “the other guy’s name is Sam.”

“That night, after I had met Sam for the first time, James called me and told me that he would be another day later than he thought. He apologized so many times and I kept assuring him it was okay. Before we hung up, James said ‘I love you,’ and I said it back but I felt guilty saying it and I felt like it didn’t mean the same anymore. It hurt me so much because James and I had gone through so much and my heart completely changed within a few hours.

“The next day, I woke up to a now familiar voice laughing from downstairs. I climbed out of bed and saw Sam helping my mom make pancakes. The sight made my heart burst and I knew for sure Sam was the one. It’ very hard to explain how it feels when you met your soulmate but once you do, you’ll know. Sam hung out with my family the entire day and everything just felt…right.

“The following day, James finally came to town. He found me sitting on the patio crying. I think he knew what had happened even before I told him. He was happy for me and I just felt so bad because I had found my soulmate and he hadn’t. We had built a life together and he had to return to it after the Holidays were over. He was the one that had to go back to our shared apartment. He was the one that had to take down every photo we had hung up around the apartment. He was the one that had to lie down in our shared bed every night.

“Knowing that someone I once loved and deeply cared for was suffering, was the biggest heartache I had ever endured”

There was almost complete silence throughout the entire auditorium. There were some sniffles here and there. I felt something crawl on my cheek. I thought it was a bug but when I touched it, my fingers came back wet.

The bell rang but no one moved. We all just sat there and let what we heard sink in.

“Mrs. Ingrite?” someone on the other side of the auditorium questioned.  

“Yes, dear,” she smiled turning to them.

“Did uh, did, James ever find his soulmate?”

Mrs. Ingrite gave us a teary smile and simply said, “No.”

The silence in the auditorium was broken by the loud bell indicating class was over

“We will continue next class,” Mrs. Ingrite said.

My school wasn’t a semester school so wouldn’t have my soulmates class until the day after tomorrow.

I was leaving the auditorium with Lola and Patrick when from the corner of my eye; I saw a flash of grey hair. Lacey. She was holding onto Tyler’s arm. Tyler was telling her something that made her laugh. From where I watched the two, I could tell that Lacey was doing her fake laugh which made sense because Tyler wasn’t funny at all. He couldn’t tell a joke to save his life.

“Don’t mind them,” Lola said walking towards the doors with me.

“Rayna!” Brett shouted as soon as I stepped out. I hadn’t seen him yet but I could tell it was him from the sound of his voice. When I finally saw him, he was standing beside Timothy and Nick.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” I said waving at Lola and Patrick. I caught Frank’s eyes and waved at him too. Before I could leave, Lola grabbed my arm and hugged me.

“It was nice talking to you again,” she whispered hugging me. “I missed you.” She immediately let me go as if I burned her. “Sorry,” she said blushing. “I forgot you don’t like people touching.”

I smiled because she remembered and she respected it. Not like Lacey. To both of our surprises, I grabbed Lola and hugged her tightly. “Thank you. I missed you too.”

“Rayna!” Nick yelled this time. I waved at Lola one last time and ran towards my impatient brothers.

“What?” I asked sharply.

“Have you forgotten what day it is, you clown?” Timothy asked. Glad to see that his compassion from this morning was gone.

“It’s Tuesday,” I answered trying to figure out where he was going with this. “The first day of school.”

“Yes!” he snapped. “It’s also Taco Tuesday!”

“Let’s go,” Brett said.

Our parents’ were big on us being a unit. They wanted us to go to school together and to come home together. They thought that it would bring us all closer together as siblings. It did, but none of us wanted to admit it.

On our way home, we all spoke a bit about our day and how it was. My brothers’ were nice enough to not mention, Tyler, Lacey or the soulmate class we had. They were waiting for me to bring it up. I could tell that Brett was dying to talk about the class though.

“Soulmates class was interesting,” I started.

“Yes!” Brett erupted happily. “It was awesome! Did you cry? If someone says I cried, they’re lying,” he warned. “I yawned and my eyes got wet.”

“You totally cried you baby,” Timothy mocked.

“Shut up Timothy,” Nick and I said simultaneously while Bret yelled, “No, I didn’t.”

“I’m only kidding,” Timothy defended putting his hands up.

Brett relayed Mrs. Ingrite’s story to Nick and Timothy and once again to our parents’ when we got home.

Taco Tuesday was delicious and fun as usual. Dad being Mexican took Taco Tuesday seriously. He’d always have the house decorated, he’d make the tacos and we’d watch a Mexican or South American movie while eating ice cream.

I had very little homework to do since it was the first day of school. Once I’d finished it, I went to Nick’s room and played card games with him. Nick’s room was just like Brett’s and Timothy’s. It was dirty, it smelt weird and there were posters of cars everywhere.

My room wasn’t much. I didn’t have the walls painted or anything. I just liked things simple.

After I had kicked his butt in goldfish countless times, he showed me how he edits his YouTube videos. Nick is a popular YouTuber. I’ve appeared in some of his videos and so had Brett and Timothy. Brett mostly. He loves the comments people leave about him and Nick’s too nice to tell him piss off.

It was eleven when Timothy came into Nick’s room. Nick was lying down on his floor and I was sitting by his feet. We were on our phones. Timothy sat on the floor with us and made us play Uno with him. He won.

We were halfway into our second game when our dad came into the room and ordered us to go to bed.

It had been a good night but as soon as my head hit my pillow, all my insecurities came rushing into my mind. I tried to shut them out. I was successful for the most part but all I could think about was Mrs. Ingrite’s story.

What if her situation was like mine but the roles were reversed?

What if Lacey was Mrs. Ingrite, Tyler was Sam and I was James?

What if I never found my soulmate?

Before I knew it, it was Thursday which meant I had my soulmates class again. My attitude about the class had drastically changed after just attending the first class we had on Tuesday. Instead of thinking it was stupid and a complete waste of time, I couldn’t wait to go to class and hear Elizabeth’s and Daisy’s stories. Hearing peoples’ stories changed my perspective on soulmates.

Though some things in my life changed, some were still the same. Tyler hadn’t changed his mind about me, about us, and I was learning to be okay with it. I couldn’t make him love me and I knew that someday I would get over him and I would thank him for breaking us up earlier rather than years later once we’ve realized we weren’t soulmates. I’d rather suffer the pain now and not in 5 or 10 years when we still looked the same. Tyler wasn’t the end all and be all. I was going to find someone better. My soulmate. I just had to be patient.

Lacey was still not my friend and would most likely never be again.

Apart from the whole Tyler and Lacey situation, the school year was starting off fantastically. To my utter surprise, most of my teachers were kind and easy going. It was a huge relief because throughout my four years of high school, the majority of my teachers were rude, harsh and judgmental. However, the ones I had now were passionate about what they taught and loved sharing their knowledge, and because of that; the students were excited to go to class.

Before I started the soulmates class, I didn’t really pay much attention to the couples around me. I only focused on my relationship as well as my parents, and that was only because I saw them every day and I couldn’t help but notice, but now, it was all I noticed. From: strangers on the street, to my neighbours, to even people at the mall and grocery store.

My physics and calculus teachers hadn’t found their soulmates yet because they were both still 18. Of course they were much older than 18, but they’d just stopped aging at 18. They seemed to be okay with it but if I was in their position, I’d find it weird to be authoritative and teach a group of students that looked the same age as I did.

They were the only teachers that I had that hadn’t found their soulmates, but they weren’t the only teachers in the school that were still 18 and with that realization, it got me thinking, how rare or how common was it to actually find your soulmate?

So with that question on my mind the entire day, it wasn’t a complete surprise when I raised my hand in soulmates class before either Elizabeth or Daisy could begin their stories.

“Yes dear?” Mrs. Ingrite asked pointing at me.

Lola and my new group of friends had found great seats in the very first row of the auditorium so I felt rather than saw everyone turn their attention towards me. “How likely is it to find your soulmate?”

I heard a few murmurs from the crowd and I caught the words, “Tyler,” “break up” and “depressed.” It hurt that people were still talking about it considering it happened before the summer even began, however, I wasn’t that hurt about the break up anymore.

“That’s a good question,” Mrs. Ingrite said smiling. “From what researchers have gathered, the likeliness of finding your soulmate is around 70%.”

“There are billions of people in the world, how is that even possible?” Frank asked. He was sitting beside me again. Out of everyone in the group of friends, he and Lola were my favourite

“Well it’s mostly fate. The man upstairs is great and does amazing things and you must have faith. Also, for example, if you think about it, you and your soulmate are going to have some common interests, therefore you would tend to go to the same places, assuming you lived in the same area of course. Even if you lived in different countries, it is still highly likely for you two to meet someday, somewhere. It could just take many many years, but it’ll happen.”

“That’s not very assuring,” Frank said.

“I know it sounds very weird, improbable and unrealistic, but that’s just how it is,” Daisy said shrugging her shoulders.

“Okay,” Elizabeth sighed. “We can’t waste any more time. Today, Daisy and I will tell you our soulmate stories. We hope to finish before the bell rings. We do not want to keep you in after school.”

“We don’t mind,” some girl shouted interrupting her. To my surprise, almost everyone agreed.

“Alright,” Elizabeth laughed. “I’ll begin,” she stated taking a deep breath. “My story isn’t as bittersweet as Mrs. Ingrate’s. I literally met my soulmate when I was 16. His name is Ethan. I thought he was special and I thought we were soulmates but I wasn’t 100% sure. Thinking about it now,” she laughed going on a tangent, “I always knew he was my soulmate, I was just too afraid to admit it. I thought it was weird to have found him at such a young age considering every couple I knew who were soulmates found each other later on in life, not when they were 16 and in high school. Anyways,” she said getting back to her story, “once we turned 18, we broke up because he went to the States to study and I stayed here in Canada. We didn’t want to do the whole long distance thing. I wasn’t with anyone and I hadn’t met anyone that made my heart race and ache like Ethan did, and I was aging. However, I was in deep denial. I thought there was no way it could be Ethan because during the four years that he was gone, we’d never spoken or seen each other. As you can imagine, I was freaking out. It sucked walking around and seeing soulmates together when I didn’t even know who the hell mine was. So it was a complete surprise when I saw Ethan after we’d graduated university and he’d aged too.

“When I saw him, my stomach had butterflies and it felt like my heart was pumping lava into my body because I felt so warm, happy and alive. Spending those four years apart made me think that I was over him, but when I saw him again, I was hit with this burst of love. It was like my heart expanded twice its size and everything I thought I didn’t feel about him came back full force.

That spark we had for each other was still there. Of course it would be, we were soulmates. We exchanged numbers and before you knew it, we were going on dates and hanging out and doing all these things we used to. It was like we’d never spent any time apart.  

“Anyways,” Elizabeth said slapping her knee, “We got married and the rest is history.”

There were some awing from some of the girls who were die hard romantics. I turned to Frank and shouldered him rolling my eyes. “That wasn’t as good as I thought it would be,” I whispered. Well, I thought I’d whispered.

“Well not every story is going to be amazing. Some are plain and boring, but I’m glad you find it funny,” Elizabeth said to me.

Oh shit. I looked around and everyone was staring at me. I could see Brett holding a hand over his mouth to stop him from laughing. I hadn’t realized I had spoken so loudly.

“Sorry,” I apologized to Elizabeth.

“Yeah,” she said rolling her eyes.

Rude.

“You have to admit,” Daisy laughed. “Out of the three of us, your story is pretty lame.” Daisy made eye contact with me and gave me a wink and warm look.

“So, it’s finally my turn” Daisy began looking around the auditorium. “Who here can guess how old I am. Not how old I am in total but how old I am after I started aging?”

I squinted my eyes and really looked at Daisy. Her face looked young. She had black hair and it looked really healthy and clean. Her hands though, looked old. I’d guess she was about 40 or so.

“25!” someone shouted.

“Aww how sweet,” Daisy laughed. “No. I’m 45. I was 18 for almost 70 years though.” There was an audible gasp from the group of diehard romantics.

“I hadn’t dated anyone in high school. I was a damn ugly kid in high school, no one wanted to date me and I was completely fine with it because I knew that somewhere out there was my soulmate and he or she would fine me beautiful beyond measure. I was more focused on my studies than anything else. Especially coming from an Asian background, studies meant everything.

“Two years after I had turned 18, I went into a deep depression. My parents advised me to take time from school to find myself and to try to find happiness. It was surprising because my parents’ were super strict about getting a good education and to always stay in school so for them to be the ones to say, “hey, chillax from school a bit and go find you,” was a huge deal.

“I didn’t have any money because I never worked. I just studied all the time and anytime I needed money for anything, my parent’s would give it to me. My parents’ were loaded so they paid for everything. Well, by everything, I mean my flights. Gosh,” she giggled, “I sound spoiled. I’m not. I promise.” A few students including myself giggled at that and Daisy scrunched up her face in a smile before she continued. “Yes, they told me they’d pay for me to travel the world if it meant me getting better, but once there, I would work and explore and do things to make my own money. I needed to be independent. I visited about 10 different countries. I decided to visit Japan first because my mom was born and raised there. I worked as an English teacher there for about five years before I went to Malaysia. My dad was born there so I thought it was only fair to visit his birth place as well. I spent most of my time working at a retail store there. Yes, I was over qualified but I wanted to work in a customer service type job because I was always curious about what that was like. I had met some really amazing people there. I spent a little over five years there as well.

“I was getting better and better. With my depression that is. A lot of people told me that once I found my soulmate, my depression would vanish. I felt like I didn’t need to find my soulmate, but obviously it wouldn’t hurt to meet them. I just want to get this out of the way now,” she said brushing her hand through the air. “You do not need your soulmate to be happy or to find yourself. Yes, we are made to be with people and to have a partner but having or not having a partner does not define you as a person. You are your own person and at the end of the day, all you really have is yourself. There are people I know who are with their soulmates and still have depression. Depression and unhappiness are not correlated to being with your soulmate.”  

“I then went to China, Turkey, Egypt, Iceland, and Morocco. I spent about fourty years between all of them,” Daisy continued as if nothing happened. As if she hadn’t settle down my panic of not finding my soulmate.  

“One day, I got a call from my sister telling me that her and her husband were going to celebrate their 50th anniversary in Australia. I was furious. I was in Rome at this time by the way. I was having so much fun. I didn’t want to leave Rome to go to Australia but she was insistent so I caved in. I was going to go but I wasn’t happy about it. 

“We spent two weeks in Australia. At the time I didn’t want to admit it but I had lots of fun. On our last day there, I went to a café to pick up some coffee and donuts. I was just minding my business when I heard a loud bark behind me. I turned around and saw a crazy Chihuahua coming right at me. I tried to run away as quickly as I could. I was turning a corner when I crashed right into another person. I fell to the ground and I turned around to the dog. The guy I ran into didn’t fall but he quickly grabbed the dog before it could touch me. “Don’t touch it!” I warned glaring at the dog. “That thing’s a demon!”

“The guy had laughed and kissed the demon on its head. Its tiny teeth were snarling at me and the rage coming from its tiny yet huge eyes was concerning. I stopped glaring at the dog to look at man because he had the most beautiful laugh I had ever heard. From the moment we made eye contact, I knew. I knew he was it. It felt like my heart had stopped but at the same time, it felt like it was beating every millisecond.

“He’d helped me up and we spoke for hours. He introduced himself as Chase. He told me that the demon dog was his pet and they had gone out for a jog when the dog got distracted by a squirrel. He was looking for the dog when we had collided. He also told me the dog despised the colour yellow, which I happened to be wearing that day.

“We bought the donuts together and I had immediately introduced him to my sister. I ended up staying in Australia for another month with him.

“We then traveled together with the demon dog. Chase and I ended up making Montreal our home. Everything was so perfect. Within two years of meeting, we had a baby boy together. Chase and I have a total of five kids by the way.”

Daisy took about a ten second pause and released a shaky breath.

“So, Chase’s 45th birthday was coming up and we thought it’d be nice to go to Australia with the kids and celebrate his birthday there.

“The party was spectacular and we all had so much fun. The day after his birthday, Chase wanted us all to go to the beach because he wanted to teach the kids how to-.”

Daisy was interrupted by the screeching sound of the bell. I was so tuned in with her story that I nearly fell off my seat when the bell rang.

“Should I continue?” Daisy asked.

“Yeah,” everyone shouted remaining in their seats.

“He wanted to teach the kids how to surf. He’d made everyone their own surfboard. It was a gift he wanted to give all of us for his birthday.

“The kids and I really enjoyed surfing. Were we good at it? No, but it was such a treasurable and memorable moment. We were finished and about to leave the beach when there we heard a woman scream. Her kid was swimming in the ocean and there was a shark approaching. The people in the water swam away.”

Daisy’s voice began to shake. “’Stay here!’ Chase had warned. He was such a good person. He ran back towards the water to save the kid. I had never seen him swim so fast. He saved the kid but he died in the process. As soon as he died, it felt like I was having a heart attack. I felt like my heart had cracked into a million pieces and that the air in my lungs were all gone. I couldn’t breathe. I had watched my husband, my soulmate die right before my eyes. I had panic attacks every night for two years after he died.

“When your soulmate dies, you’re never the same. You feel empty and lonely. It’s better to have never met your soulmate rather than to have met them and then lose them. The pain is almost unbearable. I don’t regret it though. I have five beautiful children from Chase and I have the memories we made together. I wouldn’t trade it for anything else in the world.

“I don’t want to scare anyone or freak anyone out but when your soulmate dies, you get a big scar over your chest where your heart is. You will age to until you're 18 but that will be all. So," she sighed, " if you have a big scar over your heart, your soulmate has died. I’m sorry.

My eyes immediately watered as I turned around to look for Sheila. She was already looking at me when I finally found her. She gave me a wobbly and tearful smile. No one else knew this but Sheila had a scar over her heart. I saw it once when we were both running late to gym class and we were changing in the locker room. Sheila usually changed in one of the changing room stalls so no one ever saw it.  Me being snoopy, I’d asked her where the scar was from and she said she gotten it when she was 10 months old. She’d begged me not to tell anyone. I didn’t know it’d meant that she’d lost her soulmate.

“Do you stop aging when you’re soulmate dies?” someone asked.

“Yes,” Daisy said wiping away tears from her eyes. “However old you are when your mate dies is where you will remain forever.”

“How do you know if the scar is because your soulmate died?” another person asked.

“You’ll get unbearable pain. The scar never really heals. You don’t feel pain after the initial pain is over, but the scar will always look fresh.”

There was another minute of complete silence before Mrs. Ingrite dismissed us.

Unlike after Tuesday’s class when Bret couldn’t shut up about class, he was silent today.

“It’s sad isn’t it?” Nick had asked.

“Yeah,” Brett replied. “Imagine that.”

I was grateful that none of us had the scar. I don’t know how I’d react if any of us had it.

I’d rather never meet my soulmate but know he was alive than to have him die and never have the illusion that we’d one day meet.

I was in bed when I realized that no matter the outcome that came with my life, I’d be okay.  

As of this moment, my soulmate is alive and I am truly grateful for that.

I’ll be okay. 

“Hey honey bunches of oats,” Johnathon called poking his head in the bathroom to look at me with a teasing expression via the mirror.

I was in the middle of styling my hair and my biceps were pulsing from holding them up for so long.

 I knew Johnny came in here to yell at me for taking so long but when you had a big head and long thick hair like I did; it took a while to finish grooming your hair.

“You almost done here?” Johnathon asked looking at the clock that hung above the toilet. “We are already ten minutes late and it takes fifteen minutes to get there.”

“Give me fifteen minutes and we can go,” I said turning to him to give him a quick kiss in apology.  

“Mmm,” he groaned brushing a stray hair away from my face. “You said the exact same thing twenty minutes ago, Lexi,” he whined. “I don’t know why you didn’t do this much earlier. You know how long you take and you had the entire day to prepare.”

“It’s fine,” I said through clenched teeth. “No one is going to care if you’re late.”

“What artist arrives late to their own gallery?” Johnathon asked sarcastically while dramatically craning his neck to the side.

“No one’s going to care. You’re overreacting.”

Johnathon huffed, stepped into the washroom and sat on the toilet to wait for me.

“Why are you even styling your hair? You have naturally curly hair. Your hair is beautiful the way it is.”

I gave John a blank look. “I have to style it Johnny. I got it make it look nice. Look, I don’t want to fight right now.”

“Well you look beautiful, so hurry up so we can get that cute butt out of here” John said giving me a hard slap on my butt.

“John, you idiot!” I shrieked. “I could’ve messed up my hair.”

John just shrugged and pulled out his phone to probably play Candy Crush or something.

I huffed in disbelief but swiftly returned to my previous task. Johnny was right about one thing, I did look beautiful. In fact, I’d say that I looked drop dead gorgeous. I was wearing a form fitting long sleeved baby blue lace dress, a diamond necklace that Johnny had given me on our tenth wedding anniversary a year ago.

I had decided to do a smoky eye makeup look with bright red lipstick. I wanted to doll myself up for the event but I didn’t want to look overly done. After all, it wasn’t my special day.  It was Johnathon’s art exhibition.

Johnathon’s art was being displayed tonight at his old high school. I had advised him in thinking about getting a larger venue or maybe something classier than a school to show off his talents but he disagreed saying that he wanted to do it at the place that started it all. According to him, he’s waited his entire life for this moment. To have an opportunity to have his art displayed in his old high school.

As I’d promised, I was finished in fifteen minutes. I ignored Johnathon’s mumbling about how I was finally ready as he and I ran to car and drove off. In no time, we found ourselves in the parking lot, outside the main entrance to his art exhibition.

Johnathon turned off the car and gripped the steering wheel until his knuckles cracked from the pressure. We watched as men and women, who were dressed in elegant and lavishing suits and dresses, entered the school.  

We sat in the car for about three minutes before I decided to get out. If I didn’t move, Johnathon would stay in the car for the entire night just staring at the school’s doors.

“Wait a minute,” Johnny said grabbing onto my bicep.

I patiently stared at him as he gathered his breaths to speak, but when he didn’t speak I cocked my head and gave him an encouraging smile.

“I just…I wanted to thank you.” I furrowed my eyebrow in confusion. “For everything. For simply being you and for supporting me and my goals, no matter how outrageous they were. I wouldn’t be here without you.” I tried to stop him but he seemed to be on a roll so I pressed my lips together in silence. “I’m serious. You have been my rock throughout everything. Lexi, what I’m trying to say is…thank you and I love you, deeply.”

I moved closer to Johnny and laid my hand on his cheek. He grabbed my wrist and kissed the palm of my hand. “We’re soulmates,” I said stroking my thumb against his cheekbone. “Of course I’d support you. I’d do anything for you.”

Johnny was the perfect husband. He’s everything I ever dreamed of and more. When I was a kid, I’d imagine finding my soulmate, living a fairytale with him, being treated like a queen and being loved recklessly. I knew I would find a husband like that because he’d be my soulmate and we’d be happy together.

I was lucky to meet him so soon. Johnny and I met the year after I had turned 18.

The night before my birthday, I had cried into my pillow asking God why no one wanted me. Why I hadn’t found my soulmate yet. Of course I knew that the chances of me finding my soulmate so young were slim since I lived in a very small town and I didn’t plan on leaving it, but I didn’t care. I was angry and hurt. I was angry because soulmate or not, everyone had someone. Everyone in tiny little school seemed to be dating. Everyone but me.

So I cried and prayed until I fell asleep. I woke up on the morning of my 18th birthday expecting to find my soulmate sitting on my couch. I thought God was going to answer my prayers in a matter of a few hours of sleep. No such luck.

I went the entire day thinking my soulmate would appear at any moment. Again, no such luck. So, on the night of my birthday, I went into the bathroom and stared at myself in the mirror long and hard. “You don’t need a soulmate,” I told myself. “You are beautiful with or without one. You are stunning and you don’t need a man to tell you that. You don’t a man to love yourself.” I told myself that over and over and over again until I believed it, until I embodied it, until it was more than a mantra.

 And I did. I really believed it. I still do.

I loved myself more than anyone else, because at the end of the day, the only person I had was myself.

No one could love me the way I loved me. Johnathon couldn’t love me the way I loved myself.

But God, did I love the man.

“I love you so much, you dummy,” I said leaning in for a kiss. “Now let’s go inside and show the world what a brilliant photographer you are,” I said seductively inches away from his face. Johnathon couldn’t help but lean in for another kiss.

“Okay, let’s go,” Johnathon said pulling away.

We swiftly walked to the school hand in hand, both of us buzzing with nervous excitement.

The exhibit was being held in the school’s main gym. Whoever was in charge of decorating and planning out the room did a fantastic job because you could hardly recognize that the room was a gym.

“Wow,” I whispered as I took in the large, expanded photographs around me.

When Johnathon had told me that he was thinking of doing an exhibition, he’d kept the topic of it a secret. He said it was a surprise but that I’d love it. I would pester him about it every day until one day I’d just given up and let him deal with it. I supported him through it and everything but I just didn’t know what I was supporting.

However, looking around the room now, I was so glad he never told me.

All of his photographs were centered on me.

There were pictures of us from when we first started dating to pictures of us from last week. In most of the photos, I’m not aware that Johnathon is taking a picture.

“Johnny,” I whispered looking at everything in awe.

“I hope you like it,” he said clenching my hand.

“I do,” I said tears forming in my eyes. “I really love it.”

“Good,” he said pulling me into a hug.

We broke from the hug when we heard people clapping for Johnathon when they’d realized he’d arrived.

A few people came up to him to congratulate him and talk business so I took that as my cue to walk around and make sure to look at everything that was displayed.

They were all beautiful. Of course, they were, they were all about me, but the way Johnathon had captured everything was…special.

He had a photograph of us at the park about a month ago when I had gotten ice cream on my nose and I hadn’t realized it until we got home. I got mad at Johnny for not telling me but he’d just laughed it off and his laugh was so infectious that I couldn’t help but laugh along with him.

He also had photographs of me when I was on my phone, or on the computer working. Or when I was eating or cooking. Just every day to day basic things but he had captured them in a way that made them look, dare I say, timeless.

I noticed a crowd of people standing in front of a photograph and talking animatedly. Upon close inspection, I saw that the photograph was of me sleeping but from a bird’s point of view. The bed sheets covered my lower back and further down but my upper back was bare. My hair was a complete mess that fell onto my face but not completely obscuring it. My mouth was a little bit open and my arms lay beside my head.

I remember that morning clearly. I knew Johnny liked to wake up early and stare at me like the creep he was, but on this particular day, he’d jumped on the bed and stood right where I was sleeping and took pictures. I was more bothered my him jostling me awake than of him taking pictures of me looking so vulnerable.

“He really loves you,” a woman said coming up beside me and handing me a glass of champagne she grabbed from a waiter who was walking by with a tray of them. “He’s nuts about you.”

“Well, we’re soulmates so I guess so,” I laughed accepting the champagne. “It’s not a huge deal,” I said taking a sip.

“Yes, it is,” she said turning to face the photograph. “My husband and I are soulmates as well but he doesn’t outwardly display his love for me for the whole world to see. Your husband loves you and he’s proud to love you.”

Her words made me blush so I down my drink to hide it.

A couple of other women noticed me and approached me to talk to me as well. They all mentioned how lucky I was to have Johnathon as a soulmate.

“I’m so jealous,” one young woman said to me. “I still haven’t found my soulmate. I’ve been 18 for 5 years now,” she told me. “I can’t wait to be like you. To find my husband and grow old with him.”

“Oh, Johnathon’s old, but I’m still youthful,” I joked.

Kind of.

The group laughed but the young lady just smiled. “You have a grey hair or two at your temples,” she said touching her own temples. My smile altered but no one noticed. “You’re getting a few wrinkles here and there when you smile. You’re aging and I just think it’s beautiful.” There was a chorus of agreements coming from the other women as they smiled at me. “You’re beauty will live forever, even long after you’re gone,” the young lady said. “Maybe I’ll still be here to admire it,” she joked darkly. The little bitch really needed to shut her damn mouth before I hit her.

“Excuse me,” I said to the group as I left the gym and found the washroom.

Lucky for me, there was no one else in the washroom. I reluctantly walked to the large mirror that was in front of the sink and stared at myself.

“I am beautiful,” I said. “I am beautiful,” I repeated a bit louder. “I am beautiful!” I screamed.

My breathing had quickened and I forcibly held my breath to calm my rapidly beating heart.

I leaned in closer to the mirror and turned my head a bit to the left and lo and behold, there were two stands of grey hair. How did I not notice that before? I leaned back from the mirror and smiled. I had barely noticeable wrinkles forming around my eyes and around the corners of my lips. Barely noticeable, but still noticeable.

The washroom door suddenly burst open as Johnathon casually walked in.

“This is the women’s bathroom,” I said putting my hands on his chest to stop him from coming in any further.

“I was looking for you,” he said smiling at me. He was getting wrinkles too, I noticed. “Everything okay?” he asked looking deep into my eyes.

“Yeah,” I answered softly smiling at him, “just had to touch up on my makeup.”

“Okay,” he said. “Are you done? Do you want to go back? Everyone’s dying to meet you.”

I nodded as he held my hand and we walked back to the gym.

The rest of the exhibition went fine. It was mostly just people congratulating Johnny and I, telling me how gorgeous I was and how I was blessed to have Johnathon. Whenever someone would say that latter, Johnny would immediately say that he was the lucky one and I got the short end of the stick, which wasn’t true because Johnny was a catch and I loved him. I really loved him.

The night was great but I couldn’t stop myself from thinking about my life, my age and my deteriorating beauty. I worked so hard to love myself and to be this beautiful, inside and out, so watching myself age, was, in all honesty, frightening.

Johnathon and I were the last to leave the school but there were a few people scattered outside the parking lot talking and smoking.

“I think I’m going to go for a ride tomorrow after I leave the studio,” Johnny said as we walked to our car.

 “Okay, Lucky Charms,” I said waiting for him to unlock the car.

Riding was a thing Johnathon frequently did. He loved driving and wilderness and such. We had a cottage very close to a mountain trail and that was just perfect for him. He could drive fast in that area and look at the beauty that was nature.

 The area was heavily dense with trees and there was a cliff but Johnathon never rode close to that path, he’d always turn around when he was near them.

We have a Jeep at the cottage that he uses for his rides. His Jeep is his third love, after me and his cameras.

“Excuse me,” an older man called grabbing Johnathon’s attention. “This is awfully embarrassing but my car won’t start and no one knows what’s wrong. I was hoping you could check it out for me? I don’t want to call a tow truck.”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Johnathon said to the disappointed older man, “I know nothing about cars, but my wife Lexi does,” he said gesturing towards me.

“Oh could you?” the man asked.

“Sure,” I said immediately following him to his car.

“So how does a nice beautiful woman like you know about cars?”

I gave the man a dirty look but unfortunately he didn’t see it. What did beauty have anything to do with brains or brawn? “My dad was a mechanic,” I explained instead. “I worked at his garage ever since I was 10 until after college.”

“Outstanding,” the man said as if it was truly a miracle or something.

In the end, his car was fine; it just needed a jump start. “Any questions or anything?” I asked him before I left to join Johnathon who stayed behind in our car.

“Nope, everything else is good,” he said, “my brakes are good so that’s all that matters,” he laughed.

“Okay,” I said already walking back. “Have a good night.”

Johnathon was on his phone playing Candy Crush when I hopped in.

Before Johnathon could start the car, I grabbed his forearm and told him how proud I was of him and his success.

“I couldn’t have done it without you,” he grinned pulling me into a long kiss.

When he pulled away and smiled, my heart sank.

“I love you,” he said.

He’s probably just gotten into the car, I think as I turn my phone on to check the time.

Johnathon had texted me to let me know when he’d arrived at the cottage about a half hour ago.

I sat down on our porch with a book on my lap and looked out at people coming back from work to greet their husbands, wives and children.

They all looked so happy. None of them were aware of the inner turmoil that was going on in my body, mind and soul.

I just sat there. For twenty minutes, I just sat there blankly staring at my neighbours going about with their lives before I decided to get up to go grab a glass of wine.

Walking in and out of the house was hard. There were so many pictures of Johnny and I and it was hard to look at them and not tear up.

Once I stepped back out onto the porch, my cellphone started to ring before I could even sit down.

“Hello?” I said answering the call.

“Lexi!” It was Johnny.

“Hey baby,” I sighed closing my eyes.

“Lexi! Something is wrong!” he yelled through the phone. “Something is wrong, Lexi. I can’t control the car. My brakes! They’re not working!”

I didn’t say anything. I just breathed into the phone.

The panic in Johnathon’s voice was breaking me. I’d never heard him sound so scared.

“Lexi!” he shouted, “can you hear me!” he cried. “Oh my God! Oh my God!”

“Johnathon,” I breathed.

“Lexi!” he cried again. “I’m heading into the trees, oh my God, Lexi I see them right ahead. I can’t control the car,” he said, his voice sounding dreadful. “I’m so sorry,” he sobbed into the phone. “Lexi! I am so sorry! I don’t think I’m going to survive this,” he said, his voice sounding shaky. He was probably on a rocky trail, which meant he was close to the trees and to the cliff. “Oh my God, Lexi I’m going to die!” he screamed.

“Johnathon,” I croaked my voice sounding hoarse and unfamiliar.

“Lexi, listen,” Johnathon said sounding like his usual happy self. He was trying to give me hope, “I love you okay? I love you so so much and I need you to stay strong for me. I’m so sorry, honey. I didn’t even kiss you good morning today. I just rushed out the door. I can’t believe I didn’t kiss you good morning. I’m an idiot. I’m sending you kisses now okay?” he laughed. “Muah muah muah.”

“Muah,” I said back. I put a hand over my mouth to stop myself from screaming. A few of my neighbours were still arriving home unaware of what was going on. 

“Ahh, a kiss,” Johnathon laughed, but I could hear the fear returning to his voice. “I love your kisses. Lexi, I love you so much and I am so sorry. You mean the world to me. You are my world and don’t you ever forget that. You have made me the happiest and luckiest man in the world. To call you my wife and soulmate was a blessing. You are my blessing. I’m so sorry we didn’t have any kids. Oh God we didn’t have any kids, yet. That’s okay. It’s okay. To have been with you for 22 years has been the best years of my life and I wouldn’t trade it for anything else. Every moment we’ve had has been magical. Every single one Lexi, even all the times we fought.”

I tightened the hand around my mouth.

“Please live on for me,” Johnathon sobbed. “I’m so sorry we couldn’t grow old together. It was the one thing I promised you and I couldn’t do it. We won’t be able to grow old together like that stupid couple from that movie you love so much. The Diary? Doesn’t matter. I love you. I love you so much.”

There was silence as I heard the car move faster and faster.

“Oh God!” Johnathon said, “Lexi, I see the cliff, I am so sorry.”

“Lexi? Lexi are you there? Lexi please say something?” Johnathon cried.

“You’re my honey bunches of oats,” I said into the phone, removing my hand from my mouth.

Johnny gave a short laugh. “And you’re my lucky charms,” he said before there was a loud bang.

Everything was silent until suddenly, there was an excruciating pain my chest that made me drop to my knees. The scream that came out of me was animalistic and deafening. There was just so much pain. So much agony in my chest, in my heart and in my soul. I felt like I couldn’t breath and that there was a fire happening in my chest. I wanted it to stop. I wanted the pain in my chest and the pain of losing my husband to stop.

When I woke up, my chest was throbbing with dull pain but manageable pain.

I moved my hospital robe to look at my chest closely. On the left side of my chest, there was a nasty looking scar. Why didn’t the nurses bandage it?

I looked around the room, there wasn’t anyone in it and there weren’t any flowers or teddy bears or cards.

I pressed on the red button at the side of the bed to call for a nurse. I didn’t want to be here.

Within a few seconds, a nurse, doctor and two police officers came into the room.

“Hello ma’am,” one of the officers greeted. She gave me a sad smile. “I’m sorry to inform you that your husband has been found dead,” she said like I didn’t know. Like I didn’t have the scar to prove it. “He drove off a cliff near the cottage that you two own. We don’t know too many details about his accident but we will try to find all the answers,” she promised.

“Thank you,” I said in a shaky voice. I looked over at the doctor and said, “When can I leave? I just want to go home.”

“Well,” he said looking at his clipboard, “your wound has healed and your vital signs are normal. You can leave in about an hour.”

I thanked them as they all left the room.

I couldn’t believe it. My husband, Johnathon, the love of my life was gone. He was no longer in my life. He was gone forever and there was no way I was going to get him back.

I slept for most of the hour that I had to wait. The nurse from earlier was the one that came to give me my clothes and escort me to the lobby of the hospital where a taxi was waiting for me.

“If you don’t mind me asking, how did you meet your husband?”

I smiled to myself at the memory. “We met at the cereal aisle at the grocery store.”

“Oh,” she said.

“Yeah. We spent half an hour standing there and debating which cereal was better. Honey Bunches of Oats or Lucky Charms. I preferred Lucky Charms and he preferred Honey Bunches of Oats. We started calling each other that. It was our little inside joke. They were our pet names for each other too.”

“I’m sorry for your loss,” she said sounding very sincere.

I nodded my head in thanks.

The nurse had to run back inside the hospital because of some emergency but she made sure the cab driver was there to help me get inside the cab before she left.

“Can you hold on one minute?” I asked the driver. “I need to go buy something at the drugstore inside.”

“Sure,” he said after I started walking back into the hospital anyway.

It wasn’t hard to find what I was looking for; I just didn’t know why it took me so long to just grab the box.

An employee came up to me to ask if I needed help. When I said no, she offered her two cents anyways. “What colour are you looking to change it into?”

“I’m just going to keep it black,” I said grabbing the hair dye.

“But your hair’s already black,” she said stating the obvious.

“I have some grey hairs,” I said pointing at my temples. “I just want to cover that up.”

“Oh,” she replied dumbly.

The cab driver was patiently waiting for me when I went back outside. He held the door for me to get in.

The hospital must’ve given him my address because he didn’t ask, he just started driving. He silently drove us to my house and when we got there and I told him to wait so I can go inside to get some more money, but he told me that the nurse had already paid my fare.

Walking into the house was…different. It felt empty. My soul felt empty but I didn’t want to dwell on that for too long. I quickly walked to the upstairs bathroom and turned the lights on. The lights illuminated my face as I stared at myself in the mirror. I looked sick and tired and hurt but above all, I looked beautiful. I was 40 years old and beautiful and that’s how I would stay.

I looked around the bathroom and I saw Johnathon’s toothbrush. I picked it up and held it. Just held it.

I loved Jonathon.

I loved Jonathon with all my heart.

But I loved me more. 

“Morning Afrodita,” my secretary, Priya happily greeted as I walked in through the glass doors of our office.

“Morning,” I greeted back watching as she stood up from her desk. “Please sit down, Priya,” I begged.

“I’m sorry I can’t help it,” she laughed as she quickly sat back down on her chair a slow blush colouring her cheeks and neck.

It was a nice but unnecessary gesture. Priya had an unbreakable habit of standing up from her chair every day I came into work in the mornings. She told me it was a habit her parents’ burned into her brain. She used to work in a rehabilitation center they owned and they always made her get up from her chair every morning when walked by her at the front desk. Priya said it was a sign of respect to her boss.

I thought it was a bit outrageous. Priya and I were both human beings. I wasn’t any special than she was. I respected her just as much as she respected me, I just never got out of my seat to prove that to her.

“Any messages?” I asked Priya as I grabbed some folders from her desk.

“Nothing too major,” she said eyes focused on her computer. “Just a few people offering multitudes of what we charge to hire you.”

“I guess people don’t understand it when I say, “I’m not accepting any new clients at the moment,”” I sighed gathering my things.

“Everyone thinks they have a right to be an exception,” Priya said finally looking away from the computer. “They don’t care how you feel or what you’re doing; they just care about themselves and what they want you to do for them.”

“People are selfish,” I frowned.

“So are you excited?” Priya asked framing her cheeks with her palms and giving me a knowing smile.

“For what?” I asked genuinely confused. There was nothing going on in my life apart from work.

“For your anniversary!” Priya shrieked clapping her hands together. “How long have you and Andrew been together for now?” she asked.  

“35 years,” I answered smiling at her. “We’re thrilled, but Priya, it’s 3 months away.”

“And you are definitely throwing a party right?” she asked scowling, completely ignoring my previous comment. “The last time you guys threw a party was for your 30th wedding anniversary.”

“Yeah, I know,” I shrugged. “Andrew and I have just been really busy.”

“You guys are the greatest couple I’ve ever seen. You’re the definition of soulmates,” Priya gushed.

“Don’t let your husband here that,” I warned pointing my index finger at her. “You know how jealous he is.”

Priya scoffed. She was about to say something else when the phone started ringing.

I began walking to my office, leaving her to her work when I remembered something. “Oh yeah, I have a doctor’s appointment today so you can have the afternoon off.”

Priya smiled, nodded her head and continued to speak to whoever she was on the phone with.

The first thing I always did whenever I got in my office was open my emails. There was never anything really surprising or new. It was always clients thanking me or asking for my help.

Even though it took a chunk of my time, I never failed to read someone’s email. If they took the time to email me, then I’d sure as hell take the time to read and respond.

I had just finished replying to all my emails when another one popped on. It was an email from my very first clients. He was one of my old high school teachers.

“Hello Afrodita, I wish I had emailed you sooner, like years sooner, but I just didn’t know how to word what I wanted to say. They’d come to me, the words that is, but every time I tried to compose an email, I’d get stuck. It bothered me to no end because all I had to do was type up “thank you,” or something like that but those two simple words just never seemed enough. They weren’t enough to express how much gratitude and respect I have for you. They weren’t enough to manifest the difference you made in my life, not only my life but the lives of hundreds of people.

I was 18 for nearly 55 long years. I never thought I’d find my soulmate but you looked me in the eyes and told me you wouldn’t rest until you found them for me. To be honest, I thought you were full of shit.  When you found my soulmate I thought it was a huge fluke, but you proved me wrong, in more ways than one.

Anyways, I just wanted to tell you that you are the reason my life is the way it is now. You are a huge factor in my everyday happiness. You saved me and I can never thank you enough.

Forever in your debt,

Mr. Perry Kerten.

PS. You are a better matchmaker than that other woman on TV. You should have your own show.”

I know the email was meant to make me feel good. It was meant to make me feel accomplished and proud of who I was and what I’d done for hundreds upon hundreds of people all over the world but it instead, it made me feel sick.

Perry was right about a few things. He was right about having my own TV show. Several years ago, I was offered my own reality television show where I’d find people’s soulmates, but it was too risky. People would start to notice.

Perry was also right to think that I was full of shit and I was a fluke. I honestly didn’t know how I went this long without being exposed. Without someone realizing I was a fraud.

Everyone I ever met praised me for being such a wonderful matchmaker. My stats were amazing. I had a 98% chance of finding someone’s soulmate but hiring me, was damn near impossible because for one, it was $150,000 to hire me and two, the waiting list to be a potential client was extremely long.

Some people thought it was a gift, others thought it was witchcraft, but to me it was a curse.

It was a curse because it seemed like I could find everyone’s soulmate but my own.

To the outside world, my husband, Andrew and I were soulmates, but in reality, he was an employee I paid to pretend to be my husband.

The beginning of our relationship was a bit unconventional. He was a one night stand who ended up staying longer than one night. Almost 35 years to be exact. We had bonded over our fear of never finding our soulmates. I told him how I made a lot of money finding other people’s soulmates but for the life of me, I couldn’t find my own. I was scared that people would think I was a phony because I didn’t have my soulmate. I’d lose my career and reputation.

Andrew had done the unthinkable and offered to pretend to be my soulmate and boy was he good at it. He was the perfect husband. He was caring, kind and thoughtful. He made me happy and sometimes, I forgot that we weren’t actually soulmates.

Yes, I felt guilty because I felt like I was holding Andrew back from living as freely as he wanted to. I was holding him back from going out into the world and finding his soulmate.

Though at the very beginning of our relationship, I did offer to find his soulmate for him, he refused saying he wanted to do it himself because the magic of it would be lost if someone else did the work for him.

Of course I had fears; I had fears that Andrew was going to resent me someday. A century from now, he wasn’t going to look at me with kindness and platonic adoration but with resentment and hatred because I was the one that got in the way of his one true love.

“Hi Andrew,” I greeted just as the line was picked up. “I’m at the clinic now.”

“Hey Dita,” Andrew said cheerfully. “How’re you feeling?”

“A little nervous, but I always feel that way,” I replied.

“Don’t worry about it, babe. You’ll be fine.”

“Don’t forget you have your appointment tomorrow,” I said reminding him.

“Wouldn’t miss it,” he answered. “Hey baby, I have to go. Today is free pretzel day at work and the bakers just got here. See you at home. Love you!”

I snorted into my phone as the line went dead.

Getting to the doctor’s office always felt like a spy mission.

I rarely went, every five years or so, but when I did go; I had to make sure I was unrecognizable because it would look strange for a happily married soulmate matchmaker to walk into a plastic surgery clinic.

The idea came to me 5 years after Andrew and I got married. To an outsider, we were exactly how a soulmate couple should be, but after a few years, it’d be abundantly clear that we were in fact not soulmates when neither of us began to age.

So I told Andrew that we had to look our “age.”

Plastic surgeons work to make a person look younger, however, mine worked to make Andrew and I look older. It’s been working thus far. Surgically applying wrinkles was not as fun nor was it as easy as it seemed. It was hard physically and emotionally.

“You can go right in, Afrodita,” the receptionist said when I walked into the empty office. “Dr. Shoularte is ready for you.”

I thanked the receptionist as I took off my large sunglasses and hat, a simple basic disguise that worked every time.

“Afrodita,” Dr. Shoularte greeted, “so nice to see you.”

I could tell something was wrong. My gut twisted and my heart started to rapidly beat as I sat down on the chair Dr. Shoularte pointed to.

“Everything alright?” I asked the doctor gripping my purse to my chest.

Dr. Shoularte ignored my question and said, “As you know today is just a consultation.” He waited for me to nod before he continued, “And I’ve been looking over your file and I’m sorry to say that at this point, there’s nothing more I can do.”

I blinked at him, processing what he was saying. “What?”

“I can’t do anything else. Yes, you have the wrinkles and I can give you more but it would be useless. Your hands aren’t veiny enough. You’re skin isn’t veiny enough.”

“Wrinkles,” I mumbled.

“Yes, you have wrinkles and all but wrinkles aren’t everything,” he said. “Your body will not act the age it’s supposed to. You can’t train your brain and body to act older. Your bones can’t ache just from sheer will power. You will walk and move like an 18 year old.”

“Don’t say that!” I shouted clenching my body tighter in the chair. “I’m not 18, I am 53.”

Dr. Shoularte cocked his head and looked at me sideways as if I was some deluded child. In his eyes, I probably was.

“Afrodita,” he sighed. “There is nothing more surgery can do for you. It’s impossible.”

“You don’t understand,” I angrily cried. “I need this. My life will be ruined if you can’t make this possible.”

“Afrodita,” Dr. Shoularte sighed. “If I may be so bold to say but what were you planning to do with all of this. Have you even been trying to find your own soulmate? When we began this process 35 years ago, you told me it would only be for a few years. You cannot live like this. What did you want to happen? How old did you want to look before you died? At some point, people are going to start noticing.”

“You cannot talk to me like that,” I snapped. “I have a plan okay. In a couple of years Andrew and I are going to run away to a remote private island where no one knows what we look like and who we are and live happily ever after, okay?”

“If that’s what you want,” Dr. Shoularte breathed. “As for my part, there’s nothing more I can do.”

I could tell when I lost a fight. I quickly shout out the chair and bolted out the office, ignoring the receptionist wishing me a good day.

It was alright. It was fine. Andrew and I would find a new plastic surgeon, if not; we would run away and fake our own deaths. It was possible. I had money to last us a lifetime and more.

I had just got into the car when Andrew called me.

“Hey,” I answered already feeling better just to talk to him. “I was just about to call you. You’ll never believe what that asshole of a doctor said -,”

“Afrodita,” Andrew anxiously interrupted.

“What is it?” I asked, smile slipping from my face.

“I found my soulmate.”

I stayed silent on the phone. I couldn’t move, I couldn’t breathe.

“She’s a baker from Scotland,” he softly said. “Afrodita what are we going to do?”

I dropped the phone and laid my head on the steering wheel.

Today could not get any worse.