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Time For a Change

Chapter 1    The Realization

If you had told me two years ago that I would leave this town of Llanview broken, scarred and dejected I would have laughed in your face. Not me, not Evangeline Williamson. I am a force to be reckoned with but that has changed.  I must leave and reclaim myself.  It’s not the things that have happened to me that cause me to leave.  It is because I need to find myself again. What does that mean?  I would always ask myself that question when I would hear someone say that.  Find yourself, don’t you know where you are I would smirk.  Now I know exactly what they mean.  I don’t know where I am or who I am anymore. I know the lawyer bit, the daughter bit, the sister and friend bit but I don’t know the ‘me’ bit.  I have to find that again and I can’t do that here with all of these memories and people pulling on me expecting me to react or act in a certain way.  I remember once reading this quote about people seeing you but not really ‘seeing’ you:

‘A person who truly loves you is someone who sees the pain in your eyes while everyone else believe the smile on your face.’

I keep up appearances that I am fine and that everything is all right but it is not.  I smile so that they don’t worry about me but I need to leave here so that I can freely feel exactly what I feel and not have people hovering over me telling me that it will be all right.  It won’t, not for a while anyway and I need that ‘for a while’ to heal.  I reached out to some former colleagues about possible job opportunities and have received some tremendous offers.  I haven’t told anyone about my plans and probably won’t until I have secured employment and housing in my new location.  I need a clean break from this place.  My departure I will play it off as needing time away to recover and not tell them that I have no intentions of returning.  This is for me.  I will be very selfish in this.  I have accommodated, placated and every other way one can try to make others feel good about themselves that you can think of for the residents of this town and now it is time for Evangeline to take care of Evangeline and that I will do from now on.

After this trial for Hayes Barber regarding the Killing Club Killer case I will make my exit from Llanview.  After having been assaulted in a train station by a man who thought that I should ‘stay in my place’ and tied to a stake and had a fire built at my feet what sane person would want to stay in such a place. I might be young but I’m not stupid.  Some may see my leaving as running away, too bad, I see it as survival and my opinion is the only one that matters.

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Time For a Change

Chapter 2 The Relocation

With the Killing Club Killer trial behind me and my future before me I make my move.  All my clients received notices to find other representation and many of them asked when I would return. I simply stated that it is in everyone’s best interest that I take this time to recuperate and return as a better attorney.  They understood and replied that they look forward to working with me again.  With my office now closed and my apartment now packed I wait for the movers to come and take my things to my new location.  Only my mother knows where I’m going and I don’t owe anyone else any explanations of my actions.  It’s all about me now.  Layla talks too much so she doesn’t even know where I am going.

A week later I’m all settled in my new apartment and my job starts is two weeks.  This just feels right for me.  I remember reading a quote somewhere that stated ‘The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide that you are not going to stay where you are’ and that is so true.  I needed to decide to leave where I was and I did and now I will start afresh with a new home, a new job and a new me.  

After some gut wrenching self evaluation I decided that I need some counseling to find out why I allowed myself to get in this situation in the first place.  Looking at me you would conclude that I have a fair amount of sense and can handle most situations but I allowed myself to stay in a relationship that wasn’t moving forward and in which I felt that I was doing all of the work.  But no one forced me to stay but I stayed anyway.   What is wrong with me?  Perhaps I can talk this out with a therapist and can develop some strategy to regain my equilibrium.  I sit and say that but my heart and mind battle with each other.  My head says ‘get over it’ but my heart says, ‘what do you do when the one who broke your heart is the only one who can fix it?’

The first counseling session consists of me telling the therapist all that has happened to me in the last three or four years.  I just want to get it all out and somewhat purge myself of all this toxicity.  Of course I don’t tell her every minute detail in the first session but I do give her the Cliff Notes highlights.  I surprise myself that I remember everything so vividly as if it happened yesterday.  We decide on bi-weekly sessions to start and I will keep a journal to record any other current or past events that I might want to share.  The therapist’s name is Dr. Carole Parker.  

My job allows me to regain a bit of self-confidence.  The law I know forwards and backwards but the personal part of my life gets me into trouble.  I need to relearn how to handle that part.  Anyone who knows me would ask why would you let a personal relationship derail you like this.  I would ask them ‘have you ever been in love?’  It wasn’t the love that was the problem it was the lack of communication, the lack of sharing, the lack of reciprocity.  A one-sided love is not a relationship.  Going through all of this has opened my eyes to the reality that ‘breakups aren’t always meant for make-ups.  Sometimes relationships end in order for you to wake up.’  Well folks the alarm clock rang and I am fully awake now.  John once held the key to my heart but no more.  I have changed the locks.

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Time For a Change

Chapter 3                        The Regret

Nobody told me that Evangeline was leaving.  Sitting in my office I overhear one of the officers in the bullpen say that one of our usual arrestee’s has a new lawyer because Attorney Williamson has closed her office.  I understand why she wouldn’t tell me but Nora never said anything about Evangeline leaving town.  I am dumbfounded.  I know that she and I aren’t together anymore but I thought that at least we could be friends but we can’t be anything now because she is gone. Perhaps it was a fool’s dream that one day we could reconnect but I didn’t make the effort and anyway she told me that until I could express myself we would stay apart.  But ‘just because I let her go didn’t mean that I wanted to’.  Did I do anything to change her opinion of me?  No, I did nothing so I have no one to blame but myself. Someone should have given me some lessons on how to have compassion, how to express myself but nobody did and I probably would not have listened anyway.  Evangeline tried to get me to open up but I only gave her little snippets of me.  Why didn’t I tell her something to keep the lines of communication open instead of just standing around looking pitiful hoping my ‘puppy dog eyes’ stares would cause her to come back to me.  She’d probably say she might have been born at night, but not last night.  She’s not stupid.  It wasn’t supposed to end like this.  If I had my way it would not have ended at all.  If she walked in my door right now what would I say to her?  Perhaps I could use that quote that I saw a week ago in a magazine.  It’s not my words but it captures the essence of my situation:

‘I think of you/ I just can’t talk to you right now; I miss you/ I just can’t admit it right now; I need you/ I just can’t show you right now; I love you/ I just can’t tell you right now.’

Now that I think about that it doesn’t make any sense to me. If someone told me that nonsense I would walk right out on them.  I need professional help now.  How in the world can I expect Evangeline to believe that I love her with all my inaction in showing her?  She gave her love to me and I took it and gave little in return but hemming and hawing and confusion.  Now she has left town and I have no idea where she is.  All I know is that I have to get myself together and find her.  Everybody will ask why would I look for her now when I made to effort to reunite with her while she was here.  The only answer to that question is, John McBain is an idiot.  I didn’t know a good thing when I had it and now it’s gone forever.  But I won’t let it be forever.  I will get counseling and I will find her and we will have our forever together.  I will first find out where she is but I won’t go to her until I have fixed myself.  She has no idea how much I have thought about her since our breakup.  I should have told her, ‘I keep myself busy with things to do, but every time I pause, I still think of you.’

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Time For a Change

Chapter 4                        New Challenges

This court case has me so busy that I have very little time for anything other than interviewing possible witnesses, reviewing my notes, consulting with my client and appearing in court.  But with all of that time consuming activity I love it.  I have a new vigor and zeal about what I do.  It does not feel like a drudge to come to work each day.  I look forward to the activity and to the excitement.  My mind is active and I have no time to think about other things.

One thing that has caused me to pause though is the therapy with Dr. Parker.  Talking with her twice a month has allowed me to discover things about myself of which I was not aware.  Never thought that I was a needy person but evidently I am.  The stunted relationship that I had with my father made a major impact on me in that its effects carried on to my relationships with men.  Trying to please my father or trying to get his approval and in effect love made me lose a part of my strength of resolve.  Not hearing my father say that he loved me or not showing me how much he loved me made me feel like I wasn’t enough.  Dr. Parker pointed out to me that in a way that made me suspect any relationship that I had with men.  I held my heart close so as not to get hurt.  

When I told her about my relationship with RJ Gannon she said that although I thought that I had opened myself up to a genuine sharing of feelings I really only had what she called a ‘surface’ involvement with him.  It was light and without much substance. We shared some common interests but his criminal activity would never allow me to really sustain a long lasting relationship with him.  I work for the law and he worked outside of the law.  Those two sides do not mix.  Even if he had not been so possessive we would have ended at some time any way.

Now in my relationship with John it reminded me of what my mother said when we went home for my great aunt’s funeral.  John was reticent like my father and I tried to succeed with him where I failed with my father.  I tried to have him to love me.  I tried to prove that I was enough.  But that was also doomed for failure for I had not dealt with the emotional scars from my relationship with my father.  So it seems that John was not the only one to carry emotional scars from their childhood.  Dr. Parker clarified that she did not want me to think that my love for John was not real but it was not sustainable because I expected John to act and behave as if his scars should not hold him back from loving me when my scars did hold me back from fully committing to a lasting relationship.  Love is not always quid pro quo.

The challenge remains for me to deal with my feeling of loss in not having my father’s love and leave it in the past where it belongs and not allow it in my present or future relationships.  To realize that my father’s inability to express love to me his child has little to do with me and more to do with my father.  Not fully feeling my father’s love seeped inside of me and clouded my judgment and reason on what love is.  I have to purge myself of that feeling of ‘not being enough’ and replace it with an assurance that I am enough and worthy of great love.  That is my new challenge.  I can’t hide behind my work. I must go forth in the world and engage with others in conversation, activities and then perhaps I can work my way to having a meaningful and wholesome relationship with a man that will lead to marriage and children. Before it didn’t cross my mind that I wanted to marry.  It was not something that I even considered but I am older now and I can’t continue to just have sex with men and have no plans on how the relationship will progress.  Yes I want love but to what end.  I want love for what purpose?  Do I want love to just stay with a man and go to dinner, dance, theatre and the sort?  That’s not love that’s dating and dating to what end?  Do I want to be a perpetual dater?  No!

This time of self-discovery will allow me time to reevaluate what I want out of life.  These new challenges before me will allow me to grow strong in myself.  Above all, this time is allowing me to heal from the hurt that I have felt in the past few years.  I’m looking forward to coming out on the other side a better Evangeline. I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.  With all that said there is still one thing that remains constant within me. It’s like an ember deep within me that glows faintly but still has a spark of heat to it.  I don’t stir it but neither do I try to extinguish it. It is a sliver of hope that I don’t think about but yet it remains with me.  It’s a glimmer of hope of a possibility that I won’t give voice to but won’t deny that it exists.  I won’t talk about it because I don’t want to fan the flame.  I leave it alone so that if it decides to go out it will on its own.  It yet remains and I will leave it there.  It says in a whisper, ‘Sometimes you have to LOVE people from a DISTANCE and give them the SPACE and TIME to get their MINDS right before you let them back into your LIFE.’

So I, Evangeline Williamson, have much work to do to get myself together and until that happens I will keep myself to myself.  For now any romantic entanglements must wait until I resolve my current imbalances.  Therapy has allowed me to calm my fears that I will be alone forever.  No I need to be alone now with myself to find myself and strengthen myself for the present and the future.  Even with all that said I do see a bright future ahead for me.  Look out world Evangeline is coming back fiercer and stronger than ever!  Are you ready for her?

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Time For a Change

Chapter 5    Resolve 

Dr. Crosby suggested that we meet at least once a week so that I can discuss things with him sooner rather than later.  So many things that I need to say and do.  My father’s death of course had a major impact on me and then Caitlin’s death just seemed to put the nail in the coffin on me expressing my feelings with anyone.  I thought that I tried to open up a little with Natalie but it wasn’t enough for her and she didn’t want to wait for me.  But in talking with Dr. Crosby I realize that it would not have worked anyway.  I was only reacting to the fallout of the FBI sting operation that resulted in Christian Vega’s ‘death’.  I felt that I had failed at my job and wanted to latch on to something or someone to regain my balance.  That was not love.  Then my time with Evangeline was refreshing.  I felt that I was opening up more but once again I was not. There was no way for either relationship to really work out because I was not capable of giving myself to either woman.  Was it love with Evangeline?  I don’t know. It was definitely more than ‘like’ and I felt that I was getting to know her and myself more and more each day. Our relationship didn’t have the weight of a botched FBI sting attached to it but it still had my noncommittal attitude to weigh it down.

So why now do I think that a relationship with Evangeline is what I want or need in my life?  That’s what Dr. Crosby asked me.  After having been in a relationship with her in which I could not commit why now after she has left town do I think that I need her in my life? Why?  Because I feel empty now that she is not around.  While she was in town, even though we weren’t together, I could at least see her and hear her sometimes when she came to the station or when I saw her around town.  She was still near and that gave me comfort.  But when I heard that she had left town if felt like the air left my body and I couldn’t think straight.  There was no hope for me left.  It may sound crazy but I had always hoped that one day we would find our way back to each other. 

Now I have to get myself together for myself.  I can’t be good for anyone if I’m not good for myself.  It will take time I know and I just hope and pray that when I do finish this therapy and have become a better John McBain that Evangeline will still be available to me.  She is a beautiful and caring person and just because I could not appreciate that and give her the love that she deserved doesn’t’ mean that some other man won’t see her value and claim her as his own. I just hope that I’m not too late. My future is Evangeline.  I know that I can’t rush the therapy to try to get to her before she falls for some other guy.  I must believe that we were meant to be.  She is it for me.  

Dr. Crosby has me doing scenario exercises.  He describes a scene to me and has me to put myself in it and tell him how I will react in each scene.  At first I thought that it was kind of stupid but now I notice that it helps me to see how my past affects my reactions today. I notice that in most of my reactions I try to emotionally distance myself when the scene actually calls for an emotional reaction.  Boy am I messed up.  Dr. Crosby offers encouragement that these observations prove helpful for me to make changes to how I react and act in certain situations and allows me to grow and learn about myself.  I resolve to get better for me and for my future with Evangeline.  Dr. Crosby gives me an assignment to find a picture that reflects how I see myself now.  I didn’t find a picture but I did find a few quotes that hit it on the mark, 

'FOR SALE: ONE HEART.  HORRIBLE CONDITION.  WILL TAKE ANYTHING FOR IT PLEASE.  JUST CUT IT OUT OF MY CHEST AND END THIS SUFFERING.'

'ONCE UPON A TIME I WAS FALLING IN LOVE, BUT NOW I'M ONLY FALLING APART.'

When he reads the quotes he asks me why did I choose these two as they reflect a loss of love.  I say that I feel a loss of love.  Evangeline has left and I feel lost.

“John if you felt this way about her why didn’t you ever tell her?”

“I don’t know. I just wanted her with me. I felt good and worth something when I was with her.”

“You do know that until you heal yourself you really have little to offer anyone else.”

“Yes I realize that now.  I want to get better so that I can have a better life but even more than for me I want a life with her.”

“You are making progress John I must say.  Let us continue the therapy but stay focused on getting you better before you rush off trying to have a romantic relationship with anyone.”

“I know Dr. Crosby, I know.  I need to get back to work.  I will see you next week.  Thank you for all of your help.”

“It’s my job John.  I am here to help you.”

I’m getting better I can feel it but I also feel something else. I can’t quite put my finger on it but it’s something inside of me just below the surface.  It’s a gentle tugging.  It’s not distracting but I feel it nevertheless.  It’s warmth inside of me that glows but doesn’t burn.

‘My favorite music is your voice.’

‘I want you, I want all of you, 

forever, every day. You and me, every day

I LOVE YOU

It soothes me and I hold on to it.  I don’t press upon it, I don’t nudge it, and I just leave it there.  It is hope. Hope that all will be resolved in my favor.

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Time For a Change

Chapter 6                        Hesitation

Can you believe how quickly the time has passed?  Already a year and a half has flown by and my career is blossoming once again.  With my practice now firmly established and my therapy now reduced to once every other month I can feel a difference in myself.  More confidence, more fierceness but also more awareness of what I want out of life.  Still not ready to venture into the world of romance but I am getting closer to that every day.  One may ask why does a beautiful successful woman feel that she needs a man in her life.  You can make it on your own.  Of course I can make it on my own but this beautiful successful woman wants someone with whom to share this success.  Someone who sees me as their one and only as I will see them as my one and only.  Someone who cheers me on as I will cheer him own.  Someone with whom I can share all of this love that I have to give.  I don’t speak for anyone but myself.  I want someone in my life.  I may not need them but I certainly want someone.  I want an extreme love.  A love that takes my breath away when I see him.  A love that moves and shakes me.  A love that fills me with wonder.  A love that makes me glow inside and outside.

Simply because I have not made myself available for any romance does not mean that I have not had offers.  Several very nice men have asked for my time but I don’t want anyone to have any confusion about my interest.  At this time in my life I am not interested in any romantic entanglements so I keep my distance.  I still have that little tingle that ‘pings’ ever so often that keeps me in check.  If I didn’t know any better I would think that it ‘pings’ when some man gets a bit too close to making me change my mind about getting involved with someone now.  Usually it ‘hums’ in the background but other times it makes its presence known.  I just take it as my subconscious keeping me out of trouble. ‘Distance, space, time, minds, back in life’, echoes in my mind and keeps me alert to continue to work on me and not distract myself.  For once my subconscious and I agree on something.  BUT I can’t stay single forever if I want that life of marriage and children I will have to open up my heart again to someone.

This current case will require much more of my time.  I have a private investigator now searching for witnesses to aid my client’s defense.  He may need to contact the FBI because some of the information that he has collected may require their involvement.  It doesn’t matter as long as my client gets the best defense possible.  All of this excites me to no end.  My colleagues and I have a great working relationship and they have nothing but good things to say about their great fortune in convincing me to join their team.  Our clientele has grown and our revenues have increased.  

Six months from now I will reevaluate my plan of action for having a love life to add to my professional success.  I pray God’s guidance and for patience on my part not to hurry anything.  I’m looking for a forever relationship not a temporary one.

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Time For a Change

Chapter 7                        Found Her

It pays not to burn any bridges when you leave a job. Through the years I have remained in contact with my former colleagues in the FBI.  On occasion they have helped me on my cases.  Now one of them may have literally saved my life.

It’s been almost two years since Evangeline left and I stayed true not to look for her until I had finished my therapy.  Although I still have therapy sessions with Dr. Crosby they now only happen once every other month.  He’s given me a clean bill of health and the go ahead to find ‘my love’.  He professionally has confidence that I now have something to offer in a romantic relationship and can sustain one.  He does offer one caveat.  If I move that I should continue therapy to offer support to the challenges that may lie ahead in finding and connecting with Evangeline because he doesn’t’ think that she will welcome me with open arms when next we meet.  I smile because I know my love.  She will not welcome me with open arms in the least.  She will probably slam the door in my face but I don’t care.  I will not give up and I will not leave her.  So be ready Ms. Williamson, here I come.  But where?  Where is she?  Where do I start to look to find her?  Maybe I can call her sister to get her address but I don’t think that she will give it to me.  Or worst case scenario I could call her mother who I know will not give it to me. Some way I will find her, I just have to.

I make it back to my office and I have a message from one of my former colleagues at the Bureau.  I return his call and tells me that he’s checking on some person who once lived in Llanview and wants some background information on them.  He says that a private investigator works for this attorney who once lived in Llanview and he wants to know about her reputation while she lived there.  The hairs on the back of my neck stand straight up and I can’t believe my good fortune.  I ask him the name of the attorney and he says, ‘Evangeline Williamson’.  He tells me that she’s working on a case and her private investigator came across some information that might interest the FBI. It does and he just wants to make sure that Ms. Williamson is on the ‘up and up’.  I assure him that she is one the best attorneys that I have ever met.  He tells me where she is located and I do everything that I can to not shout for joy.  I’ve found her, I’ve found her!  We end the call and I sit there in my office just shaking my head not believing that now I can go to her.  That now we can have a life together.  I want to leave right now but I calm myself and work out the rest of my hours here in the office.  When I get home I will conduct some research of my own.  Ms. Williamson, I am on my way to you. Are you ready for me?

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Time For a Change

Chapter 8  The Meet and Greet

‘All right no more excuses Evangeline.  It’s time for you to get back out into the world. I know that but I want to take it slowly.  The last time that I just ‘went with the flow’ it ended disastrously.  My heart can’t take another blow like that.’  No more talking to myself just do it.There’s a meet and greet at the courthouse after hours.  One of the lead judges decided that the law enforcement personnel needed to get to know each other in order to make for a better working relationship so they invited local attorneys, law enforcement officers from the local, state and federal levels, district attorneys and judges to meet and greet and perhaps find common ground to better serve the public. We all want to see justice done so no harm, no foul.

I arrive shortly after the scheduled start.  One of my clients had an emergency hearing and I had to meet with the judge after the hearing to sign some paperwork.  We both planned to attend the meet and greet so we arrived together.  Wanting something to drink I walk over to the refreshment table.  They have an assortment of drinks, non-alcoholic of course, and assorted canapés.  I help myself to some water and walk around the room greeting people as I make my way over to one of my favorite judges.  We talk for a while and then the police chief interrupts us to introduce a new addition to our legal community.  Before I turn around I notice a tug of my subconscious, that little hum that vibrates in the background, ‘Love, time, back in your life’.  The police chief introduces the new chief of detectives.  I’ve never met this man before so I’m puzzled as to why the hum started now.  We exchange pleasantries and I then walk away towards the side of the room to get a breather when the hum starts again.  I look around the room and don’t see anyone new to me and so I ignore it.

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My friend from the FBI, Robert Evans, invited me to visit him.  I appreciated it because I really need a break from Llanview.  I’m trying to find the best strategy to use to get Evangeline to even talk to me. I don’t want to be too forceful but I do want her to know that I am serious about us being together. Just so happen my friend lives in the town where Evangeline is now located.  I take some vacation time and travel there. The day after I arrive he tells me that he has a meeting at the courthouse after hours and that I should join him.  I hesitate because I’m really not in the mood to be around a lot of people right now but then I remember that Dr. Crosby suggested that I expand my horizons and not stay so secluded.  Open myself up and get out of my comfort zone.  So I agree to accompany him.  We arrive a little late but the place is packed. Robert and I walk around the room and he introduces me to a lot of people.  Curiously enough when he introduces me to the people all of their titles suggest that they are in law enforcement.  Then I feel it, that tug, ‘want you forever, I love you’. I look around the room and don’t see anyone that I know so I ignore it.  I go to get something to drink and leave Robert with one of the judges. I then make my way over to the side of the room and stand and observe.

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After an hour of so I decide it’s time for me to leave.  I’ve had a long day.  Just as I make it to the exit door the hum starts again louder than ever and I look around the room again and still I don’t see anyone out of place.  What is this?  I stop to say good night to one of my favorite judges and push the door to exit the room.  The door bumps into this man and knocks him to the floor.

“Oh my goodness!  I am so sorry. Are you all right?”  I lean down to help the man from the floor.  I can’t see his face but I do grab his hand to offer him some support to stand.

“Yes I’m all right, thank you.” I say as I grab her hand and stand and then I see her face.

“Evangeline?”

“John?”

“What are you doing here John?”

“I’m here with one of my old FBI buddies.  It’s good to see you.”

“I have to go. Good bye.”

“Evangeline, please don’t go.  Can we talk?  Can we go somewhere and talk?”

“Any other time I would respond with ‘talk about what’ but I won’t do that.  I won’t be rude.  Okay John let’s go somewhere and talk.  I’m not certain how much good it will do but since you want to talk I will listen.”

“Thank you. Let me just let my friend know that I am leaving.  Will you wait for me here?”

“Yes John, I will wait here.”

He leaves to go into the room to find his friend and I am so tempted to leave but I won’t do that.  The old Evangeline would have left him just like he left me so many times but I am not that person.  I have grown confident in myself and can handle anything that John McBain can dish out.  There it is again, that hum, ‘love, in your life’.  Why now.  This can’t have anything to do with John, can it?  Oh here he is now.

“John there’s an all night coffee house around the corner from here we can go there and talk.”

“Okay that sounds good.  After you.”

We walk to the coffee house, give our orders and take our coffee to a table and sit.

“So what do you want to talk about John?”

“I want to talk about us Evangeline?

“There is no us John, so what do you really want to talk about?”

“Just like I said, I want to talk about us.  I want there to be an us Evangeline.  I want a life with you.  Let me tell you what has happened with me since you left Llanview.”

I tell her everything.  I tell her about the day that I learned that she had left town.  I tell her about my vow to find her.  I tell her about my therapy with Dr. Crosby. I tell her that I love her. I tell her everything.  All during my exposition I look at her hoping to see any indication as to what she is thinking and feeling.  But that would have been too easy.  She has on her lawyer face and gives me no hints. She is shielding herself from me and it hurt but I had anticipated it.  I knew that it would not be easy to convince her to give me another chance but I will not be deterred.

“John I’m glad that you finally agreed to the therapy and stuck with it.  Good for you but I don’t see how this has anything to do with me.  You say now that you love me but isn’t that a little bit too late.  I do admit that it feels good to hear but I don’t see that it makes much difference now.  But I will say this John.  I too had unresolved issues that held me back from having a healthy relationship with anyone so I will give you that our problems were not all your fault. At this time in my life I’m not looking for a date partner, I’m looking for a life partner.  Marriage is the only option for me.  Crazy huh to hear me say that, ‘Ms. I will never get married’.  But things have changed for me too John.  If you came here to resume a relationship with me then I have to tell you that it is not possible.  You once held the key to my heart but you rejected my love and I can’t trust you again with my heart.  How do I know that the same thing won’t happen again?”

“Evangeline I’m not the same.  I have changed.  I will do whatever you want me to do.  Just tell me what I need to do to be in your life again.  And just so you know, I too want a life partner. Marriage is the only option for me too.  And marriage to you is the only thing that I want.”

“Your words are sweet John but so many times your actions were not.  I don’t think that I can risk being with you again. As the saying goes, ‘once bitten, twice shy’.  Why should I try again with you?  What will be different this time?”

“We are different Evangeline.  You said yourself that you have changed, that you too had unresolved issues that would have prevented us from having a sustained relationship. We both know that I had major issues that kept us from succeeding.  But we are both better now.  Let’s step out on faith and see how great we can be together.  If I know that there’s a chance for us I will stick with you forever.  Do you remember saying that Evangeline.  I do remember it and I ask you now to give us a chance and I will stick with you forever.  I want you I want all of you, forever, every day.  You and me, every day, I LOVE YOU.”

John feels the tug but more pronounced now.  It’s as if it’s pounding in his chest near his heart. He waits patiently for her response.  He knows that whatever she says now will seal his fate.

Evangeline stands and looks at John and thinks hard about what she will say in response and then she feels that hum again but it is louder in her ears now as if it is singing to her.  She stills herself to make out the words, ‘Sometimes you have to LOVE people from a DISTANCE and give them the SPACE and TIME to get their MINDS right before you let them back into your LIFE.’  Has this been in me all of this time.  Do I love John? In spite of everything that has happened between us does he still hold my heart?  Is that why I have not had any interest in looking for a life partner?  Was my heart waiting for John to return?  I stop, close my eyes, breathe deeply and whisper a prayer for guidance. Should I let John back in my life? Is that what my subconscious is telling me?

“We can’t go back John.  All that is behind us is hurt and pain.”

I’m looking at him as I say this and I can see the hurt in his eyes. He looks crushed.  I smile and say,

“We can however go forward.  Hello my name is Evangeline Williamson and you are?”

John looks at me with surprise in his eyes and then recognition.  He understands now that I have not rejected him but have given us an opportunity to start afresh. He too smiles and responds,

“My name is John McBain and it is a pleasure to meet you Ms. Williamson.  It may sound cliché and a bit forward of me but I will ask, what are you doing with the rest of your life and may I be a part of it.”

“I can not really give you an answer to that right now Mr. McBain but let’s say we take it one day and a time and see how it goes.  I must warn you though I have no time for games.  I am serious about having a long-term relationship and no sex before marriage.  I don’t do casual anymore.  I take my job and my love life seriously and I expect anyone who’s involved with me to understand that.  If they can’t then we are doomed to fail and I have no time for that. Life is too short to spend my wheels with someone who doesn’t intend to work hard to make our relationship work and make me a priority in their life.  Can you handle that Mr. McBain?”

“Whatever I have to do Ms. Williamson I will do to make you happy.  I agree with you that life is too short and I want a life long relationship with you.  I have no problem with the no sex before marriage rule.  That suits me just fine.  You will be my #1 priority and no one will come before you. No one.”

“That’s good to hear Mr. McBain but how will we make this long distance relationship work. I will not return to Llanview under any circumstances so how do you propose we handle this?

“I’m glad that you ask Evangeline.  Although I do plan to ‘propose’ to you very soon, that proposal will wait until you let me know that you are ready.  As to how do I propose to handle a long distance relationship with you I don’t think that that will be a problem.  My friend Robert Evans works at the FBI district office here in town and my trip here is two fold.  I needed time away from Llanview and I knew that you were here. Before you get in a tizzy let me explain.  Some time ago your private investigator contacted the FBI office here with some information. Agent Evans contacted me in Llanview to get information on you.  I assured him that you were the best attorney I had ever seen and that satisfied him.  Until he called I didn’t know where you were but I had all intentions of finding you after I finished with my therapy.  I didn’t want to look for you until I had resolved my issues that kept us apart.  Crazy as it may sound Robert invited me to visit him and I jumped at the opportunity.  I knew that he lived in the same town as you so it was a no brainer to come and visit him.  I still had not figured out how to approach you and then he told me about this meeting.  He didn’t know who was invited and I didn’t know what kind of meeting it was until he started introducing me to people and I noticed that they all worked in law enforcement.  Do you want to hear something even crazier, for the last year or so I have had this tug on my subconscious that keeps reminding me of my love for you. At first I didn’t know what it was so I just left it alone but tonight it tugged hard at my chest until I saw you and then it receded into the background.  I know, it sounds crazy doesn’t it.  Maybe I need to call Dr. Crosby now and have him commit me to the psych ward.”

“No John it doesn’t sound crazy and if you need to go to the psych ward then I need to go also because I have had a similar experience.  Mine was more like a hum.  A hum telling me to love from a distance and give the person space and time before I let them back in my life.  The hum started shortly after I decided to leave Llanview. But tonight it was no longer a hum but a crescendo that seemed like it blasted in my ears.  And then I saw you and the hum receded.  So I guess both of us need to listen to what our inner selves are trying to say to us.  As much as I want to fight it, I love you John.  I know that I have never loved anyone the way that I loved you.  I thought that I had gotten over you.  But I don’t want the old John McBain.  I’m willing to give the new John McBain a try though. Don’t squander this opportunity John because you most definitely won’t get another one.”

“Evangeline, rest assured I won’t need another one.  I will do all I can to make this one last forever.  As to how I will make a long distance relationship work, now that I know that you will give me a ‘try’ I will move here. Robert has always thought that I would work well in the district office and he has the connections to get me a job here.  Would that be okay with you?”

I look at him and see the hesitancy and expectation in his eyes. He thinks that I will say no but I won’t.  I want this to work. God I thank you for answering my prayer.  I never saw this as the answer but You know all and see all.  

“That sounds perfect John.  Just so you know that although I have agreed to you being in my life just remember that this was your idea.  So get ready to sit through ballet, opera, and modern dance performances.  Oh and dancing, don’t forget dancing and tennis, never forget tennis.  We can throw in a football game or two also.  Are you ready for this John?  Think hard on this before you answer.”

“Evangeline, as I said before, whatever I have to do to have you in my life I will do. Now how long will we do this before I can marry you?”

“Until I feel that you are really serious and not just trying to appease me.”

“Oh then I guess in a few weeks you will become my wife because I am very serious about this but I will wait.  I will wait at least until I get the job here and close up things in Llanview and move here.  How does that sound to you?

“That sounds like a plan John.”

“Also I need for Dr. Crosby to recommend a therapist here for me to see.  I want to continue my therapy for a little while more especially with this major change.  I don’t want anything to interfere with our new life.  May I have your telephone number so that I can keep in touch with you once I return to Llanview?”

“Sure John, give me your phone and I will put it in there for you.  Okay now that we have that settled I must leave.  I have a busy day tomorrow and it is late. Do you have a ride to your friend’s house?”

“Don’t worry about that I will take a taxi.  I will walk you to your car though to make sure that you are safe.”

“Thank you John I appreciate that.  When do you return to Llanview?”

“Next week. Do you think that we might get together before I leave?”

“I don’t know. My schedule is pretty full for the next week or so.  Tell you what I will check my calendar when I get to the office tomorrow and if I find a spot in my calendar that will allow some time for us to meet I will call you.  Will that work for you?”

“I will take whatever time you can spare Evangeline.”

We walk to her car and she enters and drives away.  I stand in the parking lot thinking about all that we discussed and decided.  I thank the Lord for this blessing.  She will give me another chance with her.  I am overjoyed.  I won’t blow it.  I will have her as my wife, I will.

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All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Time For a Change

Chapter 9    Progress

The move to the new city is effortless because I know what joys await me.  Bo was sad to see me go but he understood why I was leaving.  In an effort to not embarrass Evangeline or myself, I take dance classes and tennis lessons in preparation for my dates with Evangeline. Ballet and opera books have become my new best friends.  I will not give her any reason to reject me or question her decision to spend time with me.  It surprises me that I enjoy most of these things.  But ballet is not one of them.  We even play golf.  Now that is a major challenge for me so in between our golf outings I take golf lessons too.  With all of these lessons it was a wonder that I have time for work but I make time to do whatever she wants me to do. 

I settle into my new job and new apartment and feel good about how my life has taken a turn for the better.  Even my wardrobe has changed.  No longer is my closet filled with an over abundance of black outfits.  I have finally added a bit of color to the palette.  The first time that I met Evangeline for an opera date I wore a navy blue suit and a subdued striped tie and black shoes.  She did a double take to make certain that it was really John McBain standing before her.  She smiled and that brought a smile to my face.  She said, “the McBain moving up in the world”.

We spend time together as often as we can.  Her mother came to visit her a few months after we starting spending time together and Evangeline told me that she told her mother that I had relocated to this city.  Of course her mother was not pleased but Evangeline told her mother that it did not matter to her if her mother was pleased or not.  Evangeline also told me a bit more of her conversation with her mother.  She said that she told her mother that for too long she tried to please other people but no more.  Her opinion of her own actions was the only opinion that matters and ‘if it pleased her to spend time with John then she will spend time with John’. Her mother said nothing more on the subject.

-----------------------------------   

Six months into this ‘reconnection’ period I have to leave town for a week long training. Any other time I don’t mind attending training but this one comes at a very inopportune time.  Evangeline and I are making great progress in our relationship and spending practically every moment together but lately I’ve noticed a bit of hesitancy on her part.  I’m not sure how to address it but I don’t want to leave for this training without talking with her about it.  Maybe she has changed her mind about us and no longer wants a life with me. Tonight I will cook dinner for her at my apartment.  I will ask her then.

“Hi John, something smells good.  What are we having for dinner?”

“Spaghetti and meatballs, salad, and apple pie for dessert.  Will that do?”

“That will do nicely, thank you.”

We sit for dinner and enjoy our meal.  Afterwards we retire to the living room to talk.

“Evangeline I have noticed in the last week or so that you have been a bit hesitant around me.  Have you changed your mind about us?”

“No John I haven’t.  I’m not hesitant because of us.  My mind has been a bit distracted of late.  This attorney in the DA’s office has been coming on to me and I have told him on several occasions that I’m not interested but he persists.  I think that I may have to get a restraining order against him.  It’s sad because he otherwise seems like a nice guy and plus he’s in law enforcement and should know better.”

“Do I need to talk to him, you know as the man in your life?”

“That’s just it John, this guy doesn’t think that I have a man in my life and so he thinks that I am available.  Most of our dates happen after hours and on weekends out of the limelight of the workday.  Not that I would have my private life on display at work but he seems to think that since he hasn’t seen me with anyone that I am available to him.  Evidently he has not realized that we just don’t travel in the same circles so that’s why he’s not seen me with anyone.  He’s more into football and baseball while I’m into golf and tennis.  He goes to rock concerts and I go to the ballet and opera.”

“How about I stop by your office tomorrow at lunch and we go to that bistro down from the courthouse.  I’m sure that he will be there and he will see us together and that should put an end to his borderline harassment.  Otherwise I may have to talk to him ‘man to man’.”

“John I can fight my own battles but thanks for the offer.  But I will take you up on the lunch tomorrow though.  That just might work.”

“All right that is settled.  Now it’s getting late and I don’t want you out late so go home and call me when you get there.”

“I will. See you at lunch time.”

“See you then.”

John and I go to the bistro and sure enough the attorney in question is there.  John and I sit at our table and he stops by our table.  

“Hello Attorney Williamson how are you today?”

“I am fine Attorney Brice.”

“Have you given any more thought to my invitation to dinner?”

“Attorney Brice I have told you repeatedly that I have no interest in you.  So please desist in your efforts.”

“But if you’d only give me a chance Attorney Williamson.”

“Excuse me Attorney Brice, allow me to introduce myself.  I am Agent McBain of the FBI.  It appears that Ms. Williamson has no interest in you or your repeated advances.  She has asked that you leave her alone.  You are an attorney so you clearly know that any further pursuit on your part would constitute harassment.  Of course you would not want that to happen.  It would prove beneficial to everyone if you would simply go your way and allow Ms. Williamson to go hers without any further impediments from you.  Do I make myself clear?”

“Yes you do Agent McBain.  I didn’t know that she had a man.  If I did I would not have wasted my time.  I would never poach on another man’s property.”

“Mr. Brice, no woman is property.  Until you realize that you may find yourself alone for a long time. Good day sir.”

“Attorney Williamson I apologize and will no longer bother you.  Good day.”

That’s all that it took, for another man to tell him that I wasn’t interested and he backs off.  ‘Poaching on another man’s property’, the nerve of him.  I am no man’s property.  I am thankful that John handled that and I won’t have to deal with Mr. Brice again.  I look up and notice that John is looking at me.

“What do I have something on my face, why are you looking at me like that.”

“I’m surprised that you didn’t deck that guy when he said ‘another man’s property.”

“He’s not worth getting arrested for and anyway you handled it beautifully.  John when do you leave for your training.”

“Tomorrow why?”

“When you return can we talk.  I think that it’s time for us to revisit that conversation that we had six months ago.  I’m ready to make a change.  I see your nervousness and no I’m not calling it quits.  Just the opposite.  So go to your training with a renewed hope that things will work our with us. Thanks for coming with me today and handling Attorney Brice.  It’s getting late and I need to return to my office.  Call me when you return to town and we can plan to meet at my apartment and I will cook dinner this time.”

“Okay that sounds like a plan.  Let’s go.”

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All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Time For a Change

Chapter 10    Letting Go of the Past

I am using this week that John is away to really reevaluate my view on all that has happened between the two of us.  As I pray each day for guidance and understanding I also pray for forgiveness.  We need to forgive each other for all of the hurt between us.  I can’t blame John for everything that went wrong between us.  Therapy has taught me that I had a role to play in the downfall of our relationship.  But the good thing is that we have both changed since the end of our last relationship.  These last few months have been more than just going to the opera or playing tennis.  We have talked, really talked to each other about our childhoods, about our families, about our fears, about our hopes for the future.  We both have strong wills and realize that in a relationship we must allow for compromise and not see it as always giving in to the other person.  Compromise is coming to a ‘shared’ agreement and that means more than which television program we will watch or which movie we will go to see.  

Even though John has attended ballet performances and the opera and has played tennis with me I know that he doesn’t do them out of duty but in an effort to share things that I like to do.  In the same vein I have watched football and baseball with him.  I still don’t like baseball but I endure it because he likes it and I find spending time with him outweighs any discomfort I may have watching the game.  We also do things that we both enjoy.  We both like to cook so on occasion we find a new recipe that we would like to try and we make it together at either his apartment or mine.

Importantly enough we have talked about marriage.  I am no longer opposed to marriage, which pleasantly surprised John.  We agreed on how many children we would both like.  I want two he wants four and we compromised on three. I’m hoping for a set of twins and one other single birth.  I don’t know if I can handle triplets but I do know that I don’t want to have four single births.  The sex of the child doesn’t matter as long as we have at least one boy. We will not name any of our children after us.  They will have their own names.  As to where we want to live with our children we do find that this city is the place for us. It has so many things to offer. The neighborhoods are diverse and the schools are top rated.  

One thing that has been satisfyingly refreshing is the new way that we express our love for each other.  Of course we don’t have sex or make love but we simply hold hands and smile at each other.  It’s the touch that says so much.  For example, we were at a football game and the home team had scored a touchdown. We rooted of course but as the din of the crowd died down he looked at me and smiled and took my hand in his and just held it while looking at me.  His eyes expressed so much that I had to catch my breath.  He didn’t have to say a word but with that simple touch and look he told me how much he appreciated my loving him and sharing this moment with him.  Just last week we were at my apartment for dinner and I was in the kitchen to get the drinks.  He walked up to me to help and I stopped him and took his hands and held them in mine and looked into his eyes and just smiled at him.  In that moment I poured out to him all of my joy that having him here with me meant to me.  He smiled and squeezed my hand to let me know that he understood. We don’t even have to kiss to express what we mean to each other.  That’s a big difference for us.  I’m not saying that I still don’t swoon from John’s all encompassing, toe curling, breath taking kisses but now we have added to the repertoire and that’s a good thing.

Now I need to figure how and when to get him to ask me to marry him. I know that he wants to and is only waiting for me to let him know that I am ready.  Well I am ready.  I am ready to leave the past in the past and move on to my future.  Not that I haven’t already done that but I now emphatically proclaim it so that there are no doubts about it in my own mind.  As much as I enjoy music I can’t even think of a song that will express how I feel. If I could find a song and maybe play it during dinner to give John a hint that I’m ready to move on but for the life of me I can’t think of one.  Well I have until Saturday when John returns and comes for dinner to find a song that will fit the occasion.

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All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Time For a Change

Chapter 11    Planning For the Future

The week at training has flown by but I’m glad because I can’t wait to see Evangeline again.  The engagement ring will burn a hole in my pocket if I don’t give it to her soon. I think that she’s ready and I know that I am.  How do I make this happen?  She plans to cook dinner for me on Saturday so when will I get the opportunity to ask her to marry me.  Do I want to wait for a candle light dinner at a restaurant even though neither of us is a showy person?  I think an intimate dinner at my or her apartment would suit us better.  With her cooking dinner how do I slip in a proposal?  So many things that I want to say to her but I can’t seem to find the words.  Maybe I can find a song that expresses what I want to say.  Well I only have a day or two to think of something.

Finally Saturday is here!  I have the dinner all prepared, a nice bottle of wine chilling, and music playing in the background.  Now I’m just waiting for John to arrive.  Ah, the doorbell, here he is.

“Hi John, welcome back.  How was the training?”

“It went very well.  I learned a lot of things but I am very glad to be back home and even gladder to see you.”

“Well thanks. Come in and make yourself at home. Dinner is ready.  Let’s wash up and we can eat.”

“Great, I am hungry. I saved my stomach for tonight’s feast.”

“That’s good to hear because I don’t want any leftovers.”

We sit and eat and talk about our week and then clean up the dishes and retire to the living room to sit and talk.

“John I asked you to come over because I wanted to talk to you about something important. I remember when we talked several months ago that I told you that I didn’t want a date but a mate and that I was looking for a permanent relationship.  You, at the time, said that you wanted the same.  Is that still true?”

“Yes it is Evangeline.  I want to marry you. That hasn’t changed for me. Is that what you want too?”

“Before I answer that I will ask you to do something for me.”

“What is it?”

“Will you dance with me?”

“Sure.”

We stand and he takes me in his arms and I press the remote for the music to start and my selected song starts to play:

Endless Love

Lionel Richie, Diana Ross

My love, there's only you in my life
The only thing that's bright

My first love, 
You're every breath that I take
You're every step I make

And I, I want to share
All my love with you
No one else will do

And your eyes, your eyes, your eyes
They tell me how much you care 
Ooh yes, 
You will always be
My endless love

Two hearts,
Two hearts that beat as one
Our lives have just begun

Forever (Oh)
I'll hold you close in my arms
I can't resist your charms

And love, oh love
I'll be a fool, for you I'm sure
You know I don't mind (Oh)
You know I don't mind

'Cause you,
You mean the world to me (Oh)
I know I know
I've found, I've found in you
My endless love

Ohh
Boom, boom, 
Boom, boom, boom boom, boom, 
Boom, boom, boom boom

Oh, and love oh, love
I'll be that fool for you I'm sure, 
You know I don't mind
Oh you know I don't mind

And, yes
You'll be the only one
'Cause no one can deny
This love I have inside
And I'll give it all to you
My love, my love, my love
My endless love

Songwriters: Lionel B. Richie / Jr.

Endless Love lyrics © Warner/Chappell Music, Inc

I wait for the song to finish before I start to talk again.

“I want you John.  I want to be with you now and forever.  I love you John.  You are my endless love.”

“That was beautiful.  Thank you Evangeline for allowing me in your heart again.  I can’t tell you how thankful I am that you love me.  I love you more than I can say. Although I am getting better it is still hard for me to express my feelings but I don’t want you to ever doubt what you mean to me.  I want to marry you Evangeline.  Will you consent to be my wife?”

Getting on one knee I kneel before her, take her left hand with my left hand, and with my right hand I take the ring from my pocket.

“Evangeline Williamson will you marry me?  Will you make this poor slob from Atlantic City the happiest man in the world?”

“Yes John, yes I will marry you.”

I put the ring on her finger.  It fits perfectly.  I stand and kiss her with all the love that I have inside.  In that moment I am so happy. Music still plays in the background but I check her iPod for the song that I want and it is there. I cue it up and ask her to dance with me.  

“I won’t dare try to sing this song to you because you will take back your acceptance of my proposal if you hear my terrible singing voice.  What I will say about the song though is that it says what I want to say to you.  I am flawed and I know that I can’t do everything on my own.  I need God’s help to be the man that I should be for you and for me.  So dance with me and listen to the words.  They come from my heart too.”

The Man I Want to Be

Chris Young

God, I'm down here on my knees
Cause it's the last place left to fall
Beggin' for another chance
If there's any chance at all
That you might still be listenin'
Lovin' and forgivin' guys like me

I've spent my whole life gettin' it all wrong
And I sure could use your help cause from now on

I wanna be a good man
A 'do like I should' man
I wanna be the kind of man the mirror likes to see
I wanna be a strong man
And admit that I was wrong, man
God I'm asking you to come change me
To the man I wanna be

There's anyway for her and me to make another start
Could you see what you could do
To put some love back in her heart
Cause' it going to take a miracle
After all I've done to really make her see

That I wanna be a stay man
I wanna be a great man
I wanna be the kind of man that she sees in her dreams
God, I wanna be your man
And I wanna be her man
God, I only hope she still believes
In the man I wanna be

Well, I know this late at night that talk is cheap
Lord, don't give up on me

I wanna be a givin' man
I wanna really start livin' man
God, I'm asking you to come change me
To the man I wanna be

Songwriters: Brett James / Tim Nichols

The Man I Want to Be lyrics © Warner/Chappell Music, Inc, BMG Rights Management

I dance with Evangeline and I too listen to the words again. With her in my arms I fully understand and feel the weight of the words and the emotions behind them.  My eyes fill with tears and roll down my cheeks.  I love her.  I love her with every breath I take. I need her.  I need her in my life and I will not lose her again. I hold her tight to me.

John holds me tight and I feel wetness on my cheek.  John is crying.  I’ve never seen John cry before.  Oh my sweet baby.  I hear the words and I feel the emotions in them.  I love him.  I want him.  I hold him tight to me.

The song ends and we stand there together still.  After a few moments we sit on the sofa and snuggle together basking in the glow of love and new status of our relationship.  We are engaged.

“John now that we are engaged you know that we need to talk about wedding plans and housing arrangements and all of that.”

“Yes I know that Evangeline but just for tonight let us just enjoy the peace between us. Soon enough things will get crazy with wedding plans and work.  Let’s just take tonight for us, is that okay with you?”

“Yes John that is perfectly all right with me.  John can you stay the night?  In the guest room of course.  I just want you near if you don’t mind.”

“I would love to stay Evangeline.  I’m glad that you asked.  Oh wait, I don’t have a change of clothes or any pajamas.”

“Yes you do. I bought pajamas and a change of clothes for you and I keep them in the guest room.  Not that I planned this or anything but I always like to be prepared for the unexpected.”

“Well my little girl scout you did well.  So we can just sit here and bask in the glow of our love and I won’t have to rush to leave.  It can’t get any better than that.”

“No it can’t.”

So we sit and listen to the music and just hold each other.  It feels so good.

Un-betaed

All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Time For a Change

Chapter 12    The Future Unfolds

Getting engaged is the easy part.  Telling everyone that we are engaged and planning a wedding without everyone putting in his or her two cents worth is the hard part.  But you know what, I don’t care.  As long as at the end of the day Evangeline is my wife then I will suffer through cake tasting, tuxedo fittings and the like just to have my happy ending.  Whom do we tell first?  I will let Evangeline decide that.  

After I proposed we spent the rest of the evening simply basking in the joy of our love and that Sunday I met her at her church to give thanks to God for His goodness.  I went back to my apartment to change after church and then I returned to Evangeline’s apartment to start our deliberations on what needed to happen next.  We decided to do a group Skype video session to both of our mothers so that they will hear it at the same time.  That way they can’t complain that we told one mother before we told the other. We call and they both connect at the same time. Of course they know that something is up because we both appear on the screen and it is clear that we are in Evangeline’s apartment.  Although Mrs. Williamson already knows that I live in the same city as Evangeline she does not know that we have been seeing each other.  We did not tell anyone about our renewed acquaintance. So I anticipate some maybe not so pleasant reaction to our announcement.

“Hi Mom, how are you?”

“I’m fine Evangeline, how are you?”

“I’m fine.”

“Hello Mrs. McBain, how are you?”

“I’m fine Evangeline.  Hello John. What’s going on?”

“Hi Mom. Evangeline and I want to talk with the two of you about something.”

“All right son what is it that you want to talk about?”

“Excuse me a moment Mrs. McBain but I am a bit surprised to see your son with my daughter.  Evangeline I know that you told me that John lived in the same city as you but you did not tell me that you two were seeing each other again.”

“Yes Mom I know.  We did not tell anyone that we were seeing each other again.”

“John is that true.  Are you and Evangeline seeing each other again?”

“Yes Mom we are and we have more to say about that.”

Evangeline and I look at each other and then face the computer screen and say at the same time,

“We are getting married!”

“You’re what? That can’t be.  Evangeline how can you marry him after he hurt you so badly?”

“Mother I will say this once so please listen.  Yes John hurt me in the past but I also hurt him.  We have moved on from that hurt now.  He loves me and I love him.  I will marry him with or without your blessing but I would really rather have your blessing.  Please Mom.”

“John, son, are you absolutely sure about this.  You were involved with Natalie Vega after your breakup with Evangeline. Are you sure that this is what you want?”

“Yes, John are you sure?  You chose Natalie Vega over my daughter.  What is different now?”

“Mom and Mrs. Williamson both of you are right in asking me that.  What is different now is that I know that my feelings for Natalie were not sustaining.  Yes I felt something for her and at the time I thought that it was love but it was not a sustaining love.  I have been in therapy for some time now and it has helped me to see that I used the relationship with Natalie as a crutch to keep me from actually opening myself up to true love.  I didn’t want to be alone anymore and Natalie wanted me so I took what she offered.  Evangeline wouldn’t have anything more to do with me at the time so I took what was available. I was wrong then and now I know that.  I love Evangeline with everything within me.  God has allowed her to open her heart to me again and I will not take that for granted.  I want a life with her.  I want to grow old with her.  I not only want that but I need it.  I need it as much as I need air to breathe.  She is it for me.”

“Well John I admit that is some speech.  I see my daughter and I see the love in her eyes for you.  As long as you make her happy then I am fine with it.”

“Son, I am happy that you have found a true love.  You have finally opened up your heart to share your love with someone else and I am happy for that.  Evangeline I see that my son loves you and as your mother said I can also see in your eyes the love that you have for him.  I am happy for you both.  So when is the wedding?”

“Evangeline and I have not yet set a date.  We wanted to tell you two first.  But it will be soon.  We don’t want to wait too long.  Tomorrow is not guaranteed and we want to get married soon.”

“John’s right. We don’t want to wait too long so the wedding will take place before the end of the year.  Neither of us want anything too big.  We’re both fairly new to the city so we don’t know of wedding or reception venues here.  We have a lot to think about.  With work and planning the wedding we will have our hands full.”

“Evangeline and John, I’m sure that Mrs. McBain and I can help you even from our respective towns.  We can research locations for you and make a list and you two can review it and make a decision. Can’t we do that Mrs. McBain? And call me Lisa, Mrs. McBain since we will soon be family.”

“Yes Lisa we can do that.  And Lisa, call me Eve. I would love to help out in any way possible.”

“Well that’s just great ladies.  Evangeline and I can use all of the help that we can get.  We too will check on places here.  We can ask our coworkers for suggestions.  Can we check back later in the week with you two?”

“Sure John, Lisa and I will check back with you two on Saturday afternoon if that works for you two.”

“Saturday afternoon should work for the two of us.  Talk with you then.”

“Thanks for offering your help Mom and Mrs. McBain.  John and I appreciate it.  Talk with you on Saturday.

We end the Skype session and both breathe a sigh of relief.

“At the beginning I thought that they would fuss to no end.  I’m glad that they came around.  So we have much to do by Saturday.  Maybe it might prove useful to start on the guest list and then we will know how large of a place we need to have Evangeline.”

“Good thinking John.  Just call out names and I will write them down in this notebook”

We list Michael, Marcie, Nora, Layla, Bo, Antonio, our mothers, Professor Nolan, and so on.  By the time we finish we have maybe fifty names.  That’s a manageable number.  Not too many for a small  wedding. 

Un-betaed

All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Time For a Change

Chapter 13 To Infinity and Beyond

When you put two eager mothers in charge of planning a wedding for their oldest children, just stand back and watch.  They find suitable venues for the wedding and reception, caterers, photographers, DJ, invitations, decorations, hotels, air flights, train reservations, you name it they find it.  

The wedding is a splendid occasion.  All invited guests enjoy themselves tremendously.  At the point of the ceremony where the minister asks ‘if anyone knows just cause why these two should not be lawfully joined please speak now or forever hold your peace’ eyes turn looking for Natalie Buchanan and/or Christian Vega.  With no objection voiced the minister proceeds and the two of us are lawfully joined.  The DJ for the reception keeps everyone on the dance floor and it is something to behold.  It looks so nice when Uncle Clay dances with me as a stand in for my father.  Tears flow freely at that sight.  John dances with his mother and in an act of unity dances with my mother next.  Everyone looks on shocked but pleasantly so.  This bodes well for the Williamson-McBain union.

In regards to the name, I decide to keep the Williamson name professionally but in all other situations, just call me Evangeline McBain.  No need for a hyphen, just McBain. I now have my extreme love.  A love that takes my breath away when I see him.  A love that moves and shakes me.  A love that fills me with wonder.  A love that makes me glow inside and outside.

And as Evangeline thinks about all that has happened John too reflects.

Now my world is complete.  Evangeline is my wife.  I could not ask for anything better.  She fills me up with love and I return it fourfold to her.  What a blessing to have such love in my life.  For so long the darkness held me captive but my Evangeline brought light to my dismal existence.  The first time that she came to me I didn’t treasure it as I should have, but now with this second chance at love I will treasure it forever.  We both needed a change.  It was time for a change and we both look ahead to the future, to infinity and beyond, because we are together.  And ‘what God has joined together let no one put asunder’.

THE END