March 2004. Darling Harbor. Sydney. Australia

Vi

“Where the fuck do you think you're going?” asked a voice coming from the darkness of the lounge.

She jumped in fear. He flicked on the light, and his cerulean eyes gave her a hard stare.

He was sitting on one of the sofa, still wearing his tuxedo; shirt opened and had a glass in his hand. He had been waiting for her in the darkness, knowing she was coming down...

She was at the bottom of the stairs draped in a coat and carrying a travel bag, looking at him and biting her bottom lip.

She walked towards the door while saying, “I'm leaving.”

“Like hell you are.” he said coolly, his eyes never leaving her.

She moved forward, trying to block his voice out. Just a few mores steps, she thought.

“Vic, if you go through that door, I will hurt you, and considering your condition, I don't think you want to take that chance...” his voice casually trailed, as if the words were meaningless.

She stopped, and closed her eyes.  How did he know? How on earth did he know?

She looked at him. He had a smile at the curve of his lips, the features of his beautiful face, relaxed, and he said softly, almost tenderly, “Surprised, are you?  Do I need to remind you, you are my wife?“

She remained silent, tears already welling up in her eyes, but she would not cry. She would not give him the satisfaction.

“Did you really think I would let you leave with my child?” he asked, his tone reflecting the incongruousness of the idea.

She started to shake.

“I didn't think so. You better go back upstairs, and unpack babe...And next time you go to the doctor, you might want to make sure they don't call the house to confirm your next appointment, or better yet, tell them to ring me. After all, I am your husband. Remember? The father? And as such should be involved in your pregnancy, shouldn't I?“ He continued, in a caustic tone.

Getting no rise out of her, he pursued, "As a matter of fact, from now on, I will focus all my attention on you. Tonight was an eye opener...I didn't think you still had it in you...but you apparently do. So, I need to make sure you will not disappear with my child..." He grinned and said, "From tomorrow on, until the baby is born, I will be working from here as much as I can, attending all appointments, make sure you feed yourself, so I do get a healthy son. Hell, just making sure you're a good girl…" he chuckled, "You are my wife, you are carrying my child, and you are not going anywhere." He finally punctuated, in a deadly serious tone.

The first tear dropped, and she turned away.

She was trapped.

Please, dear God, help me! Give me the strength, she thought as she started climbing the stairs to go to her bedroom.

She locked the door, let her bag and coat drop on the floor, and sat on the stool in front of her vanity looking at herself in the mirror.

She was a shadow of her former self. Hell, that self simply did not exist anymore. The woman looking back at her had a haunted, empty look. Who was she?

This was not how my life was supposed to be. She was a gifted lawyer, everyone said so, and she was beautiful. She’s had the world at her feet. What had happened to her?

((~~!~~))

In January 2001, 23 people only attended their wedding ceremony.

The five weeks leading to the wedding were strained and had been draining for her.

Her father and brother had refused to come, both saying they couldn't understand how she could give up her job for a man, a politician none less, not to mention living in a country at the far end of the planet! What was wrong with her? Why was she getting married so quickly? Was she pregnant?

When she replied she wasn't and tried to explain she didn't see the point of waiting, they both said she was making the mistake of her life, and they would not come and witness it.

Kevin had begged her to reconsider in light of his own experience when his fiancée had left him literally at the altar an hour before getting to church, just a few weeks prior. She had been there and held him in her arms the entire night of that fateful December day before flying back to Sydney for the New Year. When she asked him to be her witness, he had refused telling her she was getting married because she had been emotionally blackmailed. He loved her and always would, but simply could not condone this union.

Thank God for Lily, who in spite of her significant reserves and doubts had made the trip to support her friend.

So their wedding ceremony was only attended by Ethan's mother -his father having passed on a few years ago and he had no siblings- and a few selected family friends. She had begged him to make it as small as possible and to forgo any public announcement because she couldn't bear being surrounded and congratulated by hundreds of strangers when none of her loved ones would be there on what was supposed to be the most important day of her life.

Ethan, at first, had wanted to make a political statement with the event, already planning a big society splash in classic McGregor fashion; but when he found out through his mother that his old best friend Julian McCarty would not even be in the country to attend or witness it while his mother, Helen, would, he caved in to Vic’s wishes, and reluctantly agreed.

((~~!~~)) 

She should have known right there and then that it could and would only go downhill from then on...

But being optimistic by nature, she kept telling herself, I love him and he loves me, everything will be fine, I'll prove them wrong with my happiness. Life is short, look at how mama's ended.

After 3 months of marriage, she was still unemployed. Her husband had begged her to accept his help in finding her dream job, but she had refused, firmly believing that her qualifications and experience would be and should be enough. She was wrong.

Clearly, she had no idea how conservative and guarded Sydney professional firms were. The shocked looks when she arrived for interviews was an indicator; people asking her where she was from and somehow expecting the answer to explain how she could have cinnamon skin and an Irish name. Upon founding out who her husband was, interviews went seemingly well until after the 3rd or 4th round, when she’d either be asked if she was willing to use her husband’s connections in her job, or simply, she unexpectedly no longer was considered.

She was tired of it, and starting to think she had made a horrific mistake quitting her job to move to a country where prejudices were so established.

Her impression were confirmed when at a cocktail party she boldly asked a federal judge to explain to her why it was so difficult for her to find employment matching her skills in the city. He apologetically replied that while he felt for her, she needed to realize that she would never be able to experience the level of responsibility she had while working at the UN. Shocked, she asked him to elaborate, as her husband was witnessing this exchange; the judge admitted having seen his own son's career being hijacked and slow-tracked when he had the unfortunate luck to fall in love and marry a Mauritian beauty. It had taken his son 2 years to realize that if he wanted better career opportunities, he needed to move. The couple had left for London the same year and ever since, his career was doing splendidly.

"My dear, you lucked out when you moved here," were the final words of judge on this topic that night.

Ethan, seeing the distressed look of his wife tried to reassure her with calming words, but when Vic got home that night, she was seriously reconsidering her career options in a country where she wasn’t welcome.

Coincidently, she got a job offer only 2 days later in one of the top tier firm she had interviewed weeks prior, and the conversation slipped to the back of her mind.

4 months, later, as she was working late at the office, she overheard 2 senior partners discuss her and learned the truth about her miracle hiring.  Ethan had made a call to get her hired, and the partners were discussing how they could use her to tender more government contract work, on top of fantasizing on getting a taste of her brown sugar.

She had been a pawn.

She resigned the next day, after confronting the 2 men, and having confirmed that without the use of the connections that came with her name she had no hope of further responsibilities in the firm.

Not being able to practice law has been the first wrench in her marriage.

Crushed, she was still a determined woman, so she decided if not law, she would still work. She found a part time position as an account manager in an advertising agency, and decided to focus more on her married life than work.

She was ashamed, she could not call her brother or Kevin or even Lily, as she was falling into an abyss with no way out. She knew they would forgo the “I told you so" and help her in any way they could, but the shame was growing stronger everyday and her pride made her postpone the calls.

She would find a way to make this work.

She quit the job after two months, tired of having her colleagues and clients more interested in the supposedly glamorous life that came with her name than whatever input she had to offer about the accounts she was in charge of.

She decided if she could not be happy through work, then she would create the perfect home for her and her husband; they still loved each other, their connection stronger than ever.

They had each other and that's all that mattered.

Ethan became her everything.

They moved into a new house. She took up decorating, cooking classes and tried to involve herself in charities in spite of her contempt for endless chicken dinners attended by snooty matrons who believed they were charitable when their only true motive was to be seen. But since it was important for Ethan to have her seen, she put a fake smile and a fake laugh on; they were plastered on her face at all times. Soon, she couldn't tell the difference.

She swore to herself, she would become the perfect wife, whatever the cost.

The home she had created for her and Ethan made it to a special edition of Home and Garden, and she was so proud, she sent copies to Lily, Deric and Kevin, in the hope to convince them that she was indeed as happy as she claimed. The pictures proved it.

She had no real friends, a plethora of acquaintances and Ethan was still her everything. She had sacrificed her career and moved to another continent to be with him. 

Her marriage simply had to work, and that first year, it did.

That year flew by, and she felt she was in a bubble of champagne, not really knowing where her life was going, but not overly concerned either. Her husband, her home and the endless cocktail parties had become the centre stage of her life.

As the second year started, so did his bid for leadership, and Ethan's political ambition became his everything and they were growing apart within 14 months of being married.

When she had been feeling loved, wanted, and complete with Ethan by her side, she now felt more and more alone as her husband started campaigning, and distance grew between them.

Ethan was losing his way and getting more corrupted as the months went by and the elections drew closer. His ambition consuming him and their life. Every time she had tried to point it out, they would argue and it would end up either with him placating her anger with sex, or with one of them slamming the door, leaving. She had a permanent suite at the Pitt St. Westin for such cases, but usually he was the one leaving first. He would disappear for a few days, and by then, she would be worried sick, unable to sleep until he’d return home, until he touched her and told her he still loved her, in spite of her resentment over who he was becoming.

Within 4 months of campaigning, arguments over his political strategic choices increased to almost a daily occurrence. Her emotional dependency fuelling his need to somehow meet her approval, he was still an attentive lover, reassuring her that she still owned that part of him, professing he was still her Ethan.

Soon, their only form of communication, the only one that still materialized their marital bond, was sex. He would do anything to please her in that department, and she lived for the moments he would touch her, reassuring her she hadn’t forgone the life she was destined to live to end up unemployed on the other side of the planet, friendless and in a loveless marriage. Her emotional well-being and her sanity, depending on them.

She was slowly but surely losing herself.

Their physical need of each other had been intense from the start, but when it had been passionate and yet controlled since they had met, things were changing between them, and before long their physical interaction became on sided, Ethan being the one initiating any sex, and his dominant streak would be unbridled, selfish, something it had never been before.

6 months into the campaign, she no longer recognized the man she was married to. Her husband, her everything, had turned into a ruthless politician whom she didn’t care for.

Their sex life reached a breaking point when her lover followed the same path, and a stranger emerged in their bed in lieu of her caring husband.

He no longer cared about her pleasure but only his. When the simple sentence “Spread your legs” whispered against her ear used to create immediate heat and moisture, it, now, only created fear as to what would happen if she refused. Yet her body was still his, as he liked to cruelly yet tenderly remind her when she would eventually moan under his touch and beg him to make her come.

Something broke in her, and she started to close herself off to him.

Their daily arguments ceased. It was September 2002, another 4 months before the election; their sexual interaction became minimal. Her body still reacted to his touch but her spirit no longer was there, Ethan noticed immediately. He tried to be tender, cajoling, and submissive even, but he could see in her eyes, she no longer respected him, so, he didn’t dare to touch her anymore.

She was losing weight; barely able to eat and sleep, and started to isolate herself from the few intimate acquaintances she had made since the first year she had been there.

Soon, she was in an emotional and physical castle of loneliness.

She figured, if no one saw her, then it wasn't real. Her life was not falling apart.

She had tried to keep up the pretence of the perfect life, but no longer cared; she was dying inside.

Her only reprieve was the decision to start her PhD thesis. Working had always been her salvation. So, she got a subscription to the law library and started to study and write every time she was feeling distressed, which was most of the time. She became a recluse, stayed at home, reading and writing, barely noticing her husband when he was there and showed no interest in his public life. She anything but simply disappeared from the Sydney social scene, refused any public appearances, and by the end of 2002, she was simply a phantom woman.

Their 2nd wedding anniversary was approaching and the election days was 3 days prior.For all intent and purposes, Ethan had no wife as far as the public was concerned. He was more seen with his campaign manager, Anna Blaton, than the woman he was legally married to, which suited her just fine.Until Anna implied publicly that, she was the de facto standing wife of Ethan McGregor.

Her reaction was the first she had in months. She had been unconcerned with her husband for the better part of the year because he was this stranger she no longer knew, and thought she didn’t care any more, yet her pride was hurt. Deeply.

I lost it all. I can take anything, but not my husband having a public affair.

So, she confronted him, on the eve of the Election Day.

That was their first real interaction in months. The first argument since June, and the first and last time he hit her.

She was so shocked; she thought she would never recover. The bruise fading within a day, but her soul was scarred for life. That very day, she moved all her belongings into one of their guestrooms.

She was going to leave him. You are someone's daughter, her inner voice kept telling her. This man was nothing to her. The decision was made.

Never mind, she hadn't practiced law in nearly 2 years and had no real working records, never mind she didn't really know where she would go, never mind that her money was tied up with his, and she wouldn't be able to access it without raising all kinds of red flags with their bank. Never mind all that, he had gone too far...

She was better than this.

She deserved better than this.

She needed to leave, or she would die.

She had given him enough.

She would leave and never look back.

He apologized on Election Day, his party winning. He would be becoming the Premier of NSW, the youngest the State ever had.

He begged her to forgive him, accusing the strenuous amount of stress that caused him to lose control. She was his wife. He loved her and was not having an affair with Anna.

He would do whatever it took to make her happy. He promised. Whatever it took.

She saw flickers of her husband, her everything, in the man holding and begging her.

She stayed.

They had magic once, wasn't it worth fighting for?

((~~!~~))

The night of his victory Ethan told her, he had realized their marriage was on the brink of collapse, he still loved her and wanted to make things work between them. Reminding her of their wedding vows, he swore to make things better. Ultimately, it was about the promises they made to each other; he would do everything in his power to keep his, if she gave him a chance. He was true to his words. Months went by without any other incident, Ethan was being his old charming self in the presence of his wife, and while they hadn't been intimate in months, they did talk more, he was home more often than not, no longer pressuring her into the role of the politician's spouse. She started to believe their marriage would survive, her PhD was progressing and she began to start feeling like herself again. The year flew by, their marriage regaining footing in the process.

Their 3rd wedding anniversary was approaching and she organized a romantic dinner at the Centrepoint restaurant, the first place he took her out dinning on her first trip. She had high hopes they would turn a new leaf and start over.

She had cleared his schedule with his executive assistant to make sure he would meet her there that evening, had gone to her Grace Brothers personal shopper in the days leading up to the date, to get new clothes and lingerie. She had gone to the day spa & salon for the first time in months, getting her body scrubbed, smoothed and massaged, her hair and make up done, and felt mentally and physically ready to reacquaint herself intimately with her husband. She missed him, missed their physical connection.

The evening came and went, he never showed. She left the restaurant at midnight humiliated; their personal chauffeur taking her home in silence, witnessing her tears through the rear-view mirror.

That night, Ethan stumbled in her bedroom at 2:30 am, clearly intoxicated, waking her up by kissing her neck. Her eyes looked at the clock, before resting on him. As he started to chew on her nipple, his fingers digging into her flesh, she tried to escape his grip. He forcefully pinned her down to the mattress with his legs, a hand around her neck holding her in a chokehold while ripping her silk gown off her body with the other.

Would I ever be able to forget that night?

Very unlikely...And now he's downstairs...

He ran his hand up her nether lips, massaging her slit with his thumb. She began to cry, her breathing getting labored.

When she felt his fingers trying to probe inside of her, she begged him to stop. He said he wanted to celebrate their anniversary, she was his wife, he owned her.

Trapping you...

That cunt was his to take whenever he felt like it, he whispered against her ears as he continued to split her nether lips. “See, she wants it, your clit is swelling baby...” he breathed against my flesh.

I can never forget the night my son was conceived...

Growing fear went through my body upon hearing the words. Did he think I was enjoying this? That I was responding to his touch? Could he possibly confuse my whimpering and wincing with a moan?

I bit his lips as he forced his tongue into my mouth, trying to dislodge myself from his grip, twisting my hips in the process. That involuntary gesture seemed to make him more aroused.

"That's the spirit baby..." he said while licking my neck as I had turned my head wondering if he was so drunk, he couldn't feel any pain...

I hate him!

Tears flowed freely and I closed my eyes against the flood. Please just let it end soon...

I screamed out in pain at the first thrust of his cock inside me. I shrunk at the pain as it took my breath away; we hadn't been intimate for so long, my body simply was unprepared for the brutal assault.

Ethan didn't care.

He was ripping me open.

I tried sucking air through my nose but couldn't get enough.

I was suffocating while he continued to pound harder, ravaging my body with faster strokes, hitting my cervix deeper every time, his left hand resting back on my throat.

I felt him twitch. Shock and unadulterated terror flooded in me as I realized two things. First, he wasn't wearing a condom. Second, he had no intention of pulling out. When he finally shot his burning semen inside me, he moaned crying out “mine”, looking down at me as though he wanted me to understand his purpose.

I couldn't.  

He collapsed on top of me, his cock still pumping while the rest of his body was spent…His semen starting to leak between our bodies into the crumpled sheets.

Finally, he was through, his hunching eased and he lay there for several minutes saying nothing. His heavy breathing and my sobbing were the only sounds in the night.

Yes, I would always remember...

She was so fatigued; she didn't know where he legs found the energy to carry her. She got up, his cum dripping off her onto her legs and the carpet and locked herself in her bathroom.

I'm alive.

Cleaning herself up as best she could,

Silent tears streaming down her cheeks.

There was blood mixed with semen between her legs. She sat in the shower, crying, trying to wash away the past hour of her life.

She then lay in the tub, and spent the rest of the night there.

The love had died.

((~~!~~)) 

When she woke up the next day, he was downstairs waiting for her. She had planned to go to the doctor to get a morning after pill, but couldn't bear to be in his presence, and the sight of him made her physically nauseous, so she retreated back to her bedroom, locking herself up.

She could call no one.

She stayed locked in for 10 days straight only opening the bedroom door when Marina, their housekeeper, would bring her platters of food.

On day 11, knowing Ethan had gone to New Zealand for the next 2 days, she drove herself to her physician and told her she was afraid of being pregnant and needed tests done.

The results came back 24 hours later.

She was expecting.

She needed to leave.

Staying was simply no longer an option; she had to think of her baby.

She rang Kevin the same afternoon, and with a hollow voice filled with shame she told him what had truthfully happened in her life from the moment she got married to the minute she was told she was pregnant.

She was broken.

She knew with absolute certainty she needed to find a way out or she would die before even meeting the child she was carrying.

Kevin was shocked, sorry and seething, told her to pack her bags immediately and head for the airport.

When she told him she couldn't because she was scared Ethan would find her and probably hurt her, he said he would fly over enlisting her brother with him and would beat the living hell out of him before he touched her ever again.

She refused telling him the last thing she wanted was for him to end up in jail, and this would be a seriously distinct possibility considering who Ethan was. He kept telling her Ethan wasn't above the law, but she knew otherwise, as she had tried to file a report for rape against him this very same morning, only to have Sydney Commissioner of police call Ethan about it; the report mysteriously disappearing within 40 minutes of being filed. Ethan had called her just an hour earlier, telling her he would punish her when her returned from New Zealand the very same evening; that was the reason for her calling Kevin now. She was desperate and wanted to make sure, at least, one person knew what had been happening behind the closed doors of her marriage in case something terrible happened to her or worse, her baby.

She begged Kevin not to involve Deric. She couldn't bear the idea of her younger brother seeing her in a different light than the strong older sister she had always been. How would her baby brother look at her knowing her own husband had raped her?

She told Kevin, she would find a way to leave the mansion at the earliest without her husband realizing she would never return.

When Ethan returned that night from New Zealand, she was waiting for him, submissive and apologetic. She swore from now on she would do anything he wanted as long as he didn't hurt her.

He smiled, pinned her against his body and claimed her mouth, stating as he was kissing her, he was happy to see her come to her senses.

The following 4 weeks after that day, she had spoken to both Lily and Kevin every day locked in her bathroom, water running, and they all decided the best night for her disappearing act would be the evening on the Premier inauguration ball, march 17th 2004.

She would accompany Ethan to the Ball in order not to be conspicuous, and would later leave without their chauffeur.

Ethan would be busy being honoured, taking care of his cabinet members and other society types, his guard would be down and she would be able to sneak out of the ball unnoticed, pick up her gateway bag that was securely hidden in her bathroom and head straight to the airport never to come back.

Her baby and herself would finally be safe.

((~~!~~)) 

Yet, here she was, watching herself in the mirror. He knew. He had caught her, and he would never let her go.

She had been violated and abused. Humiliated and shamed.

Now, she was trapped.