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James

"Hey," I said with a smile.

"Hello again!" she chimed.

"Sorry, I got distracted..." I explained, actually feeling apologetic.

"Don't apologize, I'm sure a handsome young man such as yourself gets distracted' quite often..." she said with a knowing voice and laughed.

"Hmm," I retorted, embarrassed.

How did she do it? She was making me blush! Was it the age difference between them? Or her voice? Whatever it was, ever since we had our talk in the flight, I felt like a kid every time she would use her bantering tone.

"Not that kind of 'distraction' I'm afraid. Your brain is really in the gutter..." I chuckled.

"Well, in my defense, it had been a while..." she kept on laughing.

"I give you that..." I granted, returning her laugh.

"So, what was the distraction then?" she asked, winding down.

"Frances Palmers." I grunted, still irritated at the woman's antics.

"Frances Palmers? You were with Frances Palmers and weren't ‘distracted'? James, are you losing your touch? Or maybe you never had it to begin with...Frances Palmers?!" she said playfully.

"Yes. Frances Palmers. And, she's already quite taken...by your lover actually." I replied casually, knowing it would put a stop to her teasing.

Silence met my answer.

I felt bad about how I delivered the news, but this was nothing compared to what was coming next, I had to prep her.

"Vi?" I gently asked.

"Yes." Her tone was cooler. Ok, she was ready.

"I saw him. Alone." I stated, steady.

"Okay." was her simple, indifferent response.

"He got the message. I'm 99% certain he will not be looking for you anytime soon." I added, reassuringly.

"Ok." she whispered.

"Vi? This is what you wanted, right?" I hesitantly asked, perceiving the doubt in her voice.

"Yes." she assented, calmly.

I waited for her to speak.

"A-Are they happy?" she asked in a low voice.

I didn't need to ask who the ‘they' were.

"I don't know. All I can tell you is he was crushed when I left him a few hours ago." I replied with sincerity and conviction.

"Was he, really?" her trembling voice asked.

"Yeah." was my final answer.

She was silent.

"Vi? Do you want to know what I told him to back off? I'll..." I began, starting to feel warm.

I was really ready to tell her what I had done. I knew she'd want my head, but I was ready.

"No, James." she interrupted me, "Don't. It's done. I can't afford to have Julian in my life. Period. Really, there's nothing else to it. And now that I know Frances is actually his girlfriend, it makes it easier. Thank you James." she closed the subject.

I could hear the profound sadness in her voice, but also the determination.

"Vi?" I asked, not wanting to end our conversation on this sad note.

"James?" she replied, detached.

"Call me if you ever need anything...or not. I want to keep in touch." I said, clearing my throat.

"I will. I promise." she said warmly.

"Thanks." I said, feeling my throat hurt.

"No, thank you." she gently replied, and disconnected.

Hell, this was turning out to be a rather painful night all around.

 

((~~!~~))

 

Julian

 

I wished I'd never met her. I wished I never had to hire James Marshall. I wished I'd never listened to that recording.

Her voice, the things she said, the way she said them.

It was embedded in my head, in my heart and in my soul.

13 minutes.

In 13 minutes, she had single-handedly destroyed any hope I had that she was mine as I was hers.

I had been fooling myself all week thinking I could and would just forget her, and keep living my life as if she had never been in it, even for a few fleeting hours. Truth was, neither my heart nor my soul were at peace with the decision, in spite of my best efforts.

The talk with Melissa yesterday was an eye opener. My sister was right. I was already shutting down. Exactly as I did after ‘the Belinda episode'.

Who I am today, as a man, has a lot to do with that episode of my life.

The thing is, every time I have loved a woman, it's come back to bite me and then some, so I made a commitment to stay clear of that emotion, because it fucking hurts so much. Every single time.

One would say, you've got mother issues...

And that's why I slept with so many nameless women in the past 4 years. This is why Frances and I work. She knows I don't love her and never will, so she doesn't expect it from me. She knows I am incapable of loving because I won't let myself. She accepts it and it's comforting.

Somehow, Vi changed that 7 days ago. The evening we spent together was hands down in my top 3 best moments of my life. Crazy, I know.

I wished I knew how she did it, but for the first time in almost 10 years, my heart actually felt something. I don't know if it was the way she looked at me, or through me, or her smile, her voice or her touch, her laugh or her skin, her scent...I don't know...

One thing is certain, something happened to me that night, and when I fell asleep with her in my arms, I knew I would love this woman for the rest of my life.

Yes, love. I hate the word as much I hate the emotion. It's true. By telling her she was mine, what I truly wanted to say was, I am yours.

Hers. Almost against my will. Because, I didn't see it coming. Because, I have no control over it. Because, it scares the shit out of me.

Now, I'm sitting with my feet in my pool wondering if what I feel is real.  What I thought she felt was real. My chest hurts. Still.

Gotta call my doctor in the morning, maybe something is really wrong with my heart...

How is this even possible? How did I let myself feel anything for her?

How did she get embedded in my heart in one night? One night. Fuck!

When James Marshall left, I thought my chest would self-implode, and I would just drop dead in my office. That's how bad it was.

Can you imagine the National Enquirer headline, "Julian McCarty: dead of a broken heart!"

Fuck!

I guess the truth hurts.

"No Mr Marshall, I could never ever let myself be involved, let alone fall for a player like Julian McCarty!" she laughed, a melodious laughter, so carefree...

"You see, this kind of men...yes...weak is the word I was looking for...they're only good for one thing... a quick lay. Nothing else really...there's no substance to them...at all...

My husband...very different...very sure in his masculinity..." Another laugh.

"Yes, I am content with my life, actually happy, and I will not let anyone jeopardize it...

Of course, I would press charges if he harasses me.... a cease and desist should work...I would have him jailed if he persisted...

Maybe he's got delusions of grandeur, and thinks any woman spreading her legs is forever his....

Sure, the sex was good...but it takes two James...I can get that anywhere...

My heart? It's never been better! ...

Do you know what it feels like to be free and in control of your life? ...

What do you mean broken-hearted? Pathetic really..." she pursued, with a soft chuckle.

And this went on for 13 minutes, until I asked James to stop. She was talking to him as she would with one of her girlfriends.

Totally and utterly candid. Honest. Unguarded. Cruel.

I kept hearing her voice in my head.

To know she existed. To know I could or would never have her. To know this is what she thought of me.

It was humiliating.

The real truth: it was too damn painful.

Maybe, I'm just too old for this shit.

She clearly didn't feel what I felt, or could she be as scared as am I?

No, she didn't sound scared, way too happy and relaxed...

In uncertain times, it's human nature to run for safety. I know I do. Always.

Frances might just be best. She can't hurt me. My heart is safer with her.

 

((~~!~~))

 

Vi

 

We're done.

Once again, he wins.

Because of him, I learned to play on the safe side, - always -.

Why did I think Julian would be any different?

He's already back with his girlfriend, so much for "You changed everything for me...We're done, she's gone..."

Yeah Julian, she was gone for how long...? What? A week? More like a New York minute!

Thank God, I didn't get any deeper with him!

Thank you E.

Who would have thought, I'd be thankful after what you put me through?

I am grateful; thanks to you, I'm wiser.

I laughed.

Are you fucking kidding girl?, asked my inner voice, "What?" I said, out loud.

"The man sent someone to find you within 24 hours. Doesn't it tell you something?"  I could see the imaginary smirk.

"You need a bloody holiday or have yourself examined pumpkin, the man is sleeping with another woman! If you think I need to be involved in a triangle, you've got another thing coming!" I replied harshly to the voice in my head.

Feeling in love is hazardous to my health, clearly. I start hearing voices, question myself at every corner, and I wonder which way is up.

See, this is why I won't let myself cause my heart so much misery ever again, and it's all thanks to you E.

I almost broke away from my resolve when Julian somehow managed to awaken the very same heart you broke, but you taught me well.

I don't need to let it get any further.

My skin is thicker. My heart doesn't need to be involved in any of this.

The sex was enough.

Liar.

 

 






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Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.