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penelope

“Is everything okay? You look sort of preoccupied.”

“Hmm? Oh, it’s nothing. It’s just… I don’t know, it was very weird. I dreamt of my first lover last night.”

“Oh goodness, lo-ver” Gerry stretched out the word playfully, teasing. “My my, that’s quite a big word.”

Dana couldn’t help but laugh in response. “I know, but there is no other word that describes him. The word boyfriend doesn’t fit.” And it didn’t. Phillip had only been five years older than her but he was the first adult Dana had ever been with.  She had been twenty at the time and in London as a one year exchange student, still reeling from the grief of her grandmother’s death.

He had returned to her so clearly - the strong, dry grip of his hands, the wariness and reproach in his eyes. The dream itself was fragmented; they were in his apartment over the Thames River, eating dinner, even though there was no food on the table. Then sometime later on in the dream they were fucking, the image brutal and pornographic, which was faithful to how they spent the entire year. Even the times he had been gentle or loving, she had always felt unclean with him. He had been moody, violent. If something was not to his according, he would erupt. She remembered being thrown onto the bed, him kneeling over her naked form, yelling down at her until he was red in the face.

Yet what she could never admit was that, at the beginning at least, a deep dark part of her had enjoyed the depravity and fear he induced in her, as if she wanted to be fucked into oblivion.

He had been her initiation to the brutal world of grownups.  Her perceptions were forever altered- he was the one who had taught her sex and love did not have to be interlinked as she had believed it to be. Pain and pleasure was instead. Dana had learnt the important lesson that many women still had not. She was not a princess, nobody was coming to rescue her, and she would have to climb out of her own tower as the so called heroes were content to keep her there too, for their own purposes. Her friends still believed in the notion of a fairy tale romance; spent all of their energy, money and time on attaining prince charming. Dana pitied those women and how they held onto that belief with such desperation.

Looking back she now realized Phillip had been a welcome distraction from the painful place she had been in at the time-she had broken away from her friends, her parents’ divorce had been finalized, her grandmother had passed away.  She was in a new country, alone and miserable- she had thought the exchange would be a great escape but there was no escaping yourself. Phillip had helped her accomplish that goal.

And also because when she met him, he reminded her of Andrew. He too belonged to the art world and also had the same brooding, James Dean quality. Yet he had none of Andrew’s warmth, he did not have the smile that transformed his face.  Andrew had a tough exterior to protect the softness underneath. Phillip had been ice, pure cold marble, emotions settling on the surface like flecks of dust.

Andrew had kissed her the night before and she had gone to sleep to only have dreamt of Phillip instead. Was she stepping back into the same abusive cycle all over again? No, not true, she told herself firmly. Andrew was different; he was nothing like Phil at all.

“You look a little tired; I hope breakfast wasn’t too early” Gerry said, looking at the menu as she spoke, even though they had already ordered.

“No of course not, ten am is more than perfect” Dana replied, feeling a little embarrassed. Truth was, after tossing and turning till four am, she would most likely have spent the Sunday sleeping in past noon.

“And Penelope is usually so busy, I love this place” Dana added. “It’s kind of quiet, today though.”

“And by quiet you mean there is no stampede of hostile people, it’s still full” Gerry smiled. “As much as I miss New York, I am glad I left.  I mean Venice is busy and LA is really busy too, don’t get me wrong, but it still seems far more relaxed than here.”

“Venice suits you; you look really good” Dana complimented, “So how long are you here for?”

“Just for the week, I had to come see my Mom for work reasons” Gerry’s mother was a well-known celebrity agent. Gerry had gone to college studying communications and was now a publicist.

“By the way, Marie could not stop raving about you. She was surprised when I told her I’ve known you since we were teenagers.”

Dana smiled, took a sip of her water. She was not surprised at all. As much as she liked Gerry, she knew the brunch invitation had been extended to her for a reason.

“My mom also wanted to say thank you too, she didn’t know how to contact you though.”

Yeah, right. “No, it’s fine. It’s nothing” Dana smiled, trying to be gracious.

“I didn’t know you were working with Andrew” Gerry’s tone was deceptively casual. Dana stiffened slightly, ready for the onslaught of questions. Andrew had dated Gerry casually when he was nineteen. It had ended badly - mainly because the term casual had existed on Andrew’s end and not hers.

“So what was the reason for the present?” Gerry smiled encouragingly, trying to invite Dana into her confidences.” I mean, how did the shoot go?”

“It was fine. It was a great shoot, the photos turned out beautifully. Why? Did Marie say anything?”

“No, not at all-she kept gushing about how gorgeous he was” Gerry said. Dana felt slightly stung by that- as if Marie had betrayed her somehow.

“It’s just, I know Marie and I know Andrew. I know they probably clashed-you probably had to placate her, I’m guessing. Did Andrew yell at her or anything?”

“No, no. He didn’t yell or get angry. It was fine, I think both were very tired, that’s all” Dana insisted, trying to be diplomatic.

“Yes, the filming is finished now. I attended the wrap party last week.”

“That’s great” Dana replied, nodding her head. They were interrupted briefly by the waiter. Gerry had ordered Granola whilst Dana had ordered the café’s famous Nutella stuffed French toast.

“That looks really good” Gerry said, an almost wistful look on her face.

“Do you want to try some?” Dana asked, gesturing down to the plate. “Take a slice if you want.”

“No, no, it’s too unhealthy” Gerry pulled a face. “We don’t all have a metabolism like yours.”

“Oh, even I don’t have that anymore” Dana laughed politely. “I only eat like this on weekends, during the week it’s strictly proteins and vegetables.”

“You mean like Atkins?” Gerry asked. “I tried that, gave me the worst headaches.  I just keep my food to a low calorie intake, it’s easier.”

“No, not quite Atkins. I eat fruit as well and some bread, Atkins doesn’t let you have any of that. I just save the sweet tooth for the weekend.”

“That’s good. You know Dana” Gerry changed topic quickly, getting straight to the point. “I know you probably think it’s odd I’m asking questions about Andrew but you have to understand. In the years he’s been working, I’ve mainly heard complaints. He isn’t rude but he can be difficult. Let’s just say diplomacy isn’t his strongest suit.”

Dana nodded, silent

“This is why I figured Marie’s feedback probably had something to do with you.” Gerry leaned forward in her seat, “My mom always thought you should work in the industry; she said you had all the right attributes.”

“Thank you, I’m still at school though.  I really don’t know what I want to do as a career to be honest.”

“I remember you wanted to be a producer when we were at NYU, you majored in film studies right?”

“Yes, film and literature. I’m doing a dual degree at Columbia at the moment.”

“Law, right? Law and business are probably the best degrees for aspiring producers apparently. People who go to film school usually end up being teachers.”

“Oh, well” Dana laughed lightly. “I don’t think I’m going to become a producer.”

Gerry nodded in reply, her mouth full. Both were silent for a few minutes as they ate.

“So, no problems then?” Gerry asked, her voice cheerful.

“Nope” Dana said, her own tone just as sunny. “Maybe Marie just has a crush on Andrew, there is always that possibility.”

“Well, then” Gerry laughed, “It’s the only time Marie likes someone who definitely wouldn’t like her back.”

“True, he is engaged after all.”                 

“Yeah, have you met her? His fiancé.”

“I’ve seen her with him but I haven’t formally met her.” Ingrid was one of those stunning, intimidatingly beautiful women. She was a blonde Audrey Hepburn, as Andrew often said himself, only much shorter. She was slender but also curvy in the right places, with hips and full breasts. Cold hazel eyes set in a love heart face. In other words, the complete opposite of everything Dana was. She had looked surly and unapproachable the one time Dana had seen her, unhappy to be at the party. She had clung to Andrew’s arm, silent. Dana had decided it best not to say hello to Andrew that night, had ended up leaving early.

“Hmm” Gerry said, rather reflectively. “I’ve never been the type to believe in Karma but Ingrid is proof that it exists.”

“What do you mean?” Dana asked. She was trying to keep her voice neutral, but she was filled with curiosity.

“Oh you know. Andrew was always the notorious heartbreaker, the playboy. And now he’s found someone he is completely smitten with.”

“I don’t know if you would call that Karma, I think it just means he grew up” Dana laughed, trying to hide her disappointment.

“No but” Gerry had lowered her voice, the way people always did when they were about to divulge juicy gossip. “Did you know how they met?”

Dana shook her head, biting the inside of her mouth.

“She’s a nude model; well she used to be anyway. Anyway she was dating a friend of his, a painter, when he met her. So she dumps the painter guy for Andrew. Anyway here they are dating, right, and she gets diagnosed with cancer.”

“Oh my god” Dana was stunned. The dreaded C word always instantly made her feel sick to her stomach, bringing back memories of her grandmother’s death.

“Hodgkin’s disease, kind of like throat cancer.  Anyway she gets sick, goes for treatment. He moves in with her, takes her to her chemotherapy sessions and all that. She goes in remission a few months down the line, all seems well and then…”

“Then what?”

“Andrew comes back from a shoot in LA and he finds her in bed with this guy, his name is Thomas.”

“Thomas? What does he look like?” Dana couldn’t help but wonder whether it was the same Thomas she had met two months ago, the charismatic guy who had been flirting with both her and Yvette at the party.

“Young, blue eyes, blonde brown hair. Really good looking. His father is Victor Elliott” Gerry raised her eyebrows, waiting for Dana’s reaction.

“The Victor Elliott? The movie director? “

“The one and only” Gerry said gleefully. “So, Andrew finds them. He naturally becomes hysterical, tries to beat Thomas up. And do you know what Ingrid does?” This time Gerry didn’t wait for Dana to say anything. “Ingrid flips out at him, and says he has nothing to be angry over because, wait for it… they were never in a relationship.”

“Jesus” Dana breathed, her eyes wide.

“I know, right! I want to meet this girl and shake her hand.”

“So then how do you know all this?”

“One of her best friends Jacquie works at the agency.”

“Some best friend” Dana said, rather indignantly. “What kind of person tells the secrets of their friends to the whole world?”

“I don’t think she really cares one way or the other.  Jacquie is the biggest gossip queen there is, I know that and I’m a stranger. If she doesn’t know that about her best friend, then that’s just… Anyway, I don’t know what happened but apparently she went and stayed with Thomas after she was caught but they ended it, he ended it actually. He only wanted a casual relationship, so she went back to Andrew. They’ve obviously made up, even though she’s still having a tough time.”

“How?” Dana couldn’t help but ask, feeling ashamed of herself for being so eager.

“According to Jacquie, they’ve been trying for a baby and she’s had two miscarriages. She’s also been diagnosed with manic depression. Stuff like that.”

 “That’s so awful, they’re so young” Too young to be having children in Dana’s opinion – she and so many of her friends still felt adolescent. “It should be easy to get pregnant at our age.”

“Well chemotherapy really messes up your fertility; my Aunty had the same problem when she was younger.”

“That’s terrible” Dana tsked in sympathy.

“Well terrible for her, I personally think Andrew deserves a bit of heart break. God knows, he’s inflicted it plenty of times on other people.”

“Mhmm, I see where you’re coming from. I don’t think he ever meant to hurt other people deliberately though” Dana said, her voice light. “Especially when you’re so young, you know? We were all kids then. I think he probably was a just a bit girl crazy and didn’t know how to deal with it, he was always a bit wild.”

“That’s no excuse” Gerry said sharply. “What because he was young he was allowed to be a dickhead and sleep with multiple women at once? To mislead people?”

But he didn’t mislead you, you mislead yourself.

“No, you’re absolutely right” Dana replied soothingly. “I don’t think age is an excuse. He was old enough to know right from wrong.”

“Exactly.”












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Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.