Sally McDonald is not who anyone thinks. Her life is filled with secrets. Some she doesn't even know about. But when Storm Monsello sees the terrified girl one night, he never expects how much her secrets would reveal the dark actions of the people he trusted the most.
Categories: Original Fiction Characters:
Classification: GeneralGenre: Drama
, Suspense Story Status: ActivePairings: OriginalWarnings: Character Death
, Extreme Language
, Original Characters
, Strong Sexual Content
, Work in Progress
September 21 2014 Updated:
March 11 2018
1. Coincidence by Caribbean Fire [Reviews - 17] (2320 words)
Some of you may remember this story and for some it is new. This is a re-write of the original. I am posting the re-write but not all the chapters since the original was illegally posted to the sites without my permission. In spite of that happening, I am taking a chance again.
For the people who remember the original story, I am asking for the feedback in the following way:-
Critical reviews ONLY! What do you like, don’t like, ways it can be improved and such. Spelling errors I don’t really care about as those can be fixed later on. Plot and character development and story content are most important to me. If you have detail critiques, please send them by email. In the subject line and title it as such: Chapter 1 – Critical Review. The reason why I’m asking for this is because I want to see what my critical readers are seeing. Remember this is only a re-write of the original. I’m not deviating from the original story but there will be some changes.
Please do not send me emails telling me you don’t like the names of the characters, the story and such because I won’t respond. It means nothing to me. Don’t read it if you don’t like it; it really is that simple. Thanks. J
2. A Chance Meeting by Caribbean Fire [Reviews - 2] (2457 words)
Thanks for the reviews and the emails. I apprecaite your feedback.
3. A Chip In The Armor by Caribbean Fire [Reviews - 3] (2366 words)
Everyone, thank you so much for reading. I hope you will continue to do so and remember please send me any critical reviews you have for the story and the characters. Have a great week!
4. A Plan is Made by Caribbean Fire [Reviews - 3] (2678 words)
Hello everyone. I was asked why I did not want reviews and I will answer that question here.
It is not that I do not want reviews. I appreciate and welcome them all. As an amateur writer, I am currently focused on improving my writing. I ask for critical reviews to better learn if I am telling a story a reader would be interested.
If I do not get a review, I do not take it that my readers do not like the story but that they understand what has been written. I instead look at read count. Does my readers like what they are reading? The critical reviews I ask for is to better help me improve on areas that may need improving. By all means, leave as many reviews as you like. I read and appreciate them all.
5. Time Together by Caribbean Fire [Reviews - 6] (2923 words)
Sorry for the late posting. Working on house, volunteering and no internet for a while. Thanks for the reviews and reading. Much appreciated.
6. Turn by Caribbean Fire [Reviews - 3] (3281 words)
Sorry this was late posting. Thanks for your comments and reviews.
7. Runaway Confessions by Caribbean Fire [Reviews - 1] (2642 words)
Sorry for this being late. Starting my own business, looking for employment, voluteering and family. It takes a toll...thanks for your patience. Have a Merry Christmas and Happy and Safe Holiday to all.
8. One Small Deception by Caribbean Fire [Reviews - 3] (3493 words)
HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE! WISHING YOU ALL THE VERY, VERY BEST!
9. Runaway! Runaway! by Caribbean Fire [Reviews - 3] (5235 words)
I apologize for this being late but I've been very, very busy trying to get my business off the ground. Thanks for your patience and understanding.
10. Fighting A Lost Battle by Caribbean Fire [Reviews - 10] (2773 words)
As promised...thanks again for reading.
11. I Wanted You by Caribbean Fire [Reviews - 3] (2461 words)
Thank you so much for the wonderful comments. I really appreciate them and am happy you are enjoying reading the story.
I am a consultant so I am very busy right now trying to grow my business but besides that, I am also trying to work on a chapter that is going to lead into why Sally behaves the way she does. Therefore it is not that I do not have the next chapter written but more that I am working on a series of events where Storm will gather information about Sally that no one else knows about. I want the connection makes sense and that is where my focus is on at this time in the story.
Please accept my apology in advance for not posting chapters frequently. While I know it is a fantasy, I still like writing with a touch of possible reality.
12. Watch Me, I'm Falling by Caribbean Fire [Reviews - 3] (2403 words)
Thanks for reading and commenting everyone. Happy that you are enjoying the story. I am working on a chapter that is different from what was in the original story therefore it is taking up a bit of my time. Please be patient as my postings will be delayed.
13. Fighting Both Inside and Out by Caribbean Fire [Reviews - 3] (2429 words)
Hello everyone and espeically to the person who left the review of the story posted on Lite...I am Honeyrider1517. Thanks so much for reading the story and noticing that it was posted there also. It was wonderful readers such as yourself who notified me of the orginal being stolen and posted to another site the first time it happened. I appreciate your honestly in letting me know.
Lite was the birth place of my online journey in story writing and posting, therefore, I resposted this re-write because so many people kept asking for the story. Please note that the only two places this story is posted is Literotica and here at the Chamber. If the story is seen posted to any other site, please let me know becuase it has been posted without my permission.
Once again, I am happy you are reading and enjoying the story. And to everyone, thanks for your wonderful feedback and comments.
Have a wonderful week. I hope you enjoy this chapter.
14. Invitation Accepted by Caribbean Fire [Reviews - 4] (2964 words)
I was asked when I first did the story, who I thought of as the characters, but when I began to look, I couldn't really picture the face of the people, so I never looked at it again. I will leave it up to my audience; whom do see as these characters for yourself? The next chapter as promised. Enjoy!
15. Welcome To My Space by Caribbean Fire [Reviews - 3] (3638 words)
Thanks for the amazing comments. As a writer sometimes I wonder what kind of reaction my readers are getting from my story. I love the reveiws, they show how you, the reader view the characters. For me as a writer, the ability to create a response, means a lot. This is still an area of growth and developememt for me and I am so grateful that you take the time to write the reviews. They truly are a wonderful learning opportunity. Thanks so much and I hope you enjoy this chapter.
16. My Drug by Caribbean Fire [Reviews - 2] (3086 words)
Thanks for reading and sorry for the late update. Have been very, very busy. Hope you enjoy this chapter.
17. A Fearful Decision by Caribbean Fire [Reviews - 2] (2805 words)
18. Chance by Caribbean Fire [Reviews - 6] (3847 words)
Hello everyone. Hope you enjoy!
19. Checkers by Caribbean Fire [Reviews - 5] (4326 words)
Thanks everyone for reading and your reviews.
To answer some questions, yes, more about Sally will be revealed as the chapters progress. Her story will take a different route than in the original versiion. Basically most of the characters will be more involved than in the prior version.
That being said, the writing is taking a bit longer because I want each chapter to be written as clearly as possible. However, I must admit, I have not been writing due to several projects that require my full attention. I do have a few chapters written but they need to be edited again before posting.
On to the story...
20. First and Last by Caribbean Fire [Reviews - 1] (2385 words)
My apology this is late...I hope you will enjoy. I will post the other chapter soon.
21. Friendship Torn by Caribbean Fire [Reviews - 5] (3134 words)
Sorry this is late. Having some computer problems. Thanks for your patience and reviews. All will be revealed in due time but please let me know how you like this next few chapters are they are new to the orginal story line.
22. Come Closer To Me by Caribbean Fire [Reviews - 4] (3988 words)
Hello everyone. I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving Holiday.
I would like to address the comment regarding the pace of the story. First of all, thanks for leaving the feedback. I appreciate hearing your point of view on the pace.
There are three main reasons why I do not update as often.
1. I am very busy with my business, trying to make it a success.
2. I had some personal matters to attend to.
3. When I began to do the re-write, I realized that in the original version, the characters and transitions were not fully developed. The back stories were not defined. This version of the story will take on a more detailed uncovering. Also, I just completed writing the chapter where Storm finally get the information about Sally, and for a lack of better words, I wanted it to make sense, even though it is a fantasy. That chapter by itself went through approximately seven to ten restarts before I got it complete when I was satisfied.
For each chapter I write has a minimum of 2500 to over 3200 words, because I feel it is impossible to develop anything in the story under that amount of words. I, myself, will not read a story that has less than 2000 words per chapter. Therefore, I ask everyone who is reading the story for your opinion. Would you rather me extend the chapters by putting two together or try and update faster, such as twice for the month? I cannot guarantee it, but I will do my best to try for the second option.
Thanks again for all your feedback. I truly appreciate each one.
Have a wonderful da!
23. Another Side by Caribbean Fire [Reviews - 7] (2978 words)
Sorry this is late...HAPPY NEW YEAR!
24. The Friends You Keep by Caribbean Fire [Reviews - 8] (3016 words)
Thank you everyone for your reviews and comments.
I would like to address the last comment or review left...First, thank you for your insight. I appreciate the feedback. About my writing: My characters do not react based on how they look but how they feel which is why the physical descriptions are so limited. I have puposely written nothing so far in the story to have anyone feel sympathetic towards Sally. Please explain the time jumps you wrote about, as I don't recall having any. This story will not have flashbacks. Once again, thanks for the feedback.
25. Come Closer by Caribbean Fire [Reviews - 5] (3245 words)
My sincerest apology for not updating this story, and I will not be updating again for another possible six or more weeks.
I am truly very busy at the moment with a new part time job to carry me over as I build by business, and I do have to put in the time as this is my lively hood. Learning about copyrights and building logos, cards, fliers and so forth has not been easy but I want to do it as correctly as possible the first time out.
I will confess that because of the time constraints, I have not written a single word on this story and I apology that you have invested your time, and I have not been able to post the chapters as I would have wanted to.
Thank you so much for your patience and I wish all a wonderful week and blessed endeavours.
26. Disappearing Mirage by Caribbean Fire [Reviews - 5] (3214 words)
Posting it before I get so busy and forget. Last chapter for a while. Sorry.
27. Meeting of the Two by Caribbean Fire [Reviews - 1] (2582 words)
So very sorry this is late. I moved and have been busy. Thanks for reading...
28. Getting to Know Him by Caribbean Fire [Reviews - 2] (3352 words)
29. Money by Caribbean Fire [Reviews - 4] (3437 words)
I am trying to write as much as I can when I can. It's not easy as these last few chapters are very difficult. So much is going on in the story that it does take me a while to get the details down to where it seems feasible. Thank you so much for your patience.
Also, someone sent me an email asking me about my other story. I had to take down the story because it was copied without my permission to another site. While it has since been removed, I am planning on re-editing. As to when or if I will submit it for reading, that I am uncertain of at this time.
Thank you for asking and for your continuous support. Have a wonderful week. :)
30. Sally Revealed by Caribbean Fire [Reviews - 3] (3641 words)
Hello everyone. I am sorry it is taking me longer and longer to update the story but I am very busy and I'm having a difficult time with two scenes. I just can't seem to get them right. I am not giving up but they are making the writing a bit delayed. Thank you so much for your patience and for continuing to read.
Also, Lily is the name of Ayasha's daughter in the previous version of the story and will remain the same in this version also.
31. Salina Carter by Caribbean Fire [Reviews - 1] (4525 words)
Hello everyone. Thank you all for your patience and continued support by reading and commenting on each chapter. This is going to be the last chapter for at least the next two or more months only because I am moving and I am trying to find a place to live.
My biggest hick-up with this story is that I find myself going back into past chapters and revising or editing them because of how I want to tell this part of the story. It's a process that doesn't seem to end and it gets very daunting at times. When I try to write a chapter, sometimes, I after writing about two pages, I delete it because it doesn't feel right and it's not what I want to say.
Honestly, my focus isn't here. I'm going through so much personal change at this time that sometimes, I can't seem to get my thoughts together. At the end, it is you who have been so supportive of me and this story that seems to get the bad end of the stick. I apologize and thank you for your understanding and support.
This chapter is very new from the original so please tell me what you think for those of you who remember the old version.
32. No Barrier by Caribbean Fire [Reviews - 1] (1428 words)
I am so sorry this took so long to post. I am working more, had to move, looking for a new apartment and working on this story when I'm not too exhausted on the train rides home. The next chapters took a lot of detail planning because of how I wanted to tell the story and the direction I wanted it to take.
This chapter is short. It is a 'bridge' chapter of sorts. It has to stand by itself because there was nowhere else it could go, at least in my mind. I hope you enjoy it. I will post the followup chapter tomorrow.
Thanks for reading.
33. Secret and Lies by Caribbean Fire [Reviews - 7] (4451 words)
As promised...have a great weekend.
34. The Lying Truth by Caribbean Fire [Reviews - 3] (3077 words)
35. My Best Friend by Caribbean Fire [Reviews - 1] (3083 words)
Everyone, I do apologize. I did not have access to a computer. My laptop began giving some problems and I got a new one that stopped working altogether. The problem arose when the new one stopped working but I didn’t have my old trusty workhorse with me, therefore I had no way of uploading the chapter. I am back in front of my trusty workhorse, edited the chapter and here it is. I do hope you like it.
Story-wise, not having a computer was sort of helpful. It forced me to think about how I wanted to develop the characters and plot for the next chapter. It has me trying to write the characters and plot with more depth and substance. I don’t know if it will be too much or not enough but I’m feeling it out. I think I do more re-writes (in my head,) lately than anything else.
Once again, I do apologize for this late submission and thanks for reading. I am working on getting another computer; just don’t know yet, if I’m getting a Mac or another PC. (Money wise, this has me kind of reeling. I just finished paying off a credit card and really don’t want to purchase anything on it. I want to relish the zero balance for at least another month or two.)