It was really hard convincing myself that what I was doing was for a good cause when I had to wake up at 6am to go to a school I no longer attended to do a job I was not getting paid to do.

Mom owed me big time.

I groaned into the pillow and closed my eyes for a minute or two just praying that today was going to be better than the day before and that none of the kids were going to tell me outrageous lies their parents’ told them.  

Everything I did was a blur, from the moment I stepped out of bed to the moment I parked my car in the parking lot behind the school. Once I was out the car, I realized what a stupid and reckless thing I’d done. Driving without being aware of your surroundings was insane and I was lucky to make it here okay.

I spotted my mom’s car in the parking lot so I decided to go pay her a little visit. I’d be in the other school’s guidance office for the week so I thought it’d be nice to at least go see her for a short chat.  There was still a little over half an hour before school actually started and I wasn’t sure what to do with myself.

There were only a handful of students arriving to school or already inside the building, which was quite surprising to me. Back in my day, the halls would be filled with people socializing, walking around or trying to copy last minute homework from their friends.

“Hi Mr. Psycho!” a high pitched voice shrieked behind me just before I pushed the doors leading to the second floor.

I turned around to face a young boy smiling at me while waving with the hand that wasn’t being held by his mother. He looked to be around four or five.

“Hey there pal,” I smiled bending down to his level and giving him a high five. I wasn’t about to correct him and tell him that my name wasn’t actually Psycho. “How’s it going?”

“Good,” he said laughing. “I’m going on a field trip today. We’re going to see farm animals!” he said excitedly.

“No way,” I gasped widening my eyes for that dramatic effect kids loved. “You’re one lucky dude.” He agreed by nodding his head quickly. “What animal are you excited to see?” I asked.

“Giraffes!” he all but screamed.

“Honey,” his mom said in a quiet and patient voice, “remember, giraffes aren’t farm animals, so they won’t be there.”  

“Oh yeah,” the kid said pouting. He put his unoccupied hand on his chin and thought hard. “Then I want to see horses.” He quickly looked up at his mom for confirmation. “Horses are farm animals, right mommy?”

“Yes,” she nodded smiling down at her son.

I looked up at his mom and she smiled down at me. I gave her a quick grin in response before I brought my attention back to her son.

“Horses are the coolest,” I said.

“Yeah, but not as cool as giraffes,” the child said still smiling like crazy.

“You’re right,” I agreed shrugging my shoulders.

“Giraffes are so cool because -,”

“Okay son,” the mom said cutting of her kid. “I’m very sure this man has a lot of things to do today and we are taking up all his time.”

“Oh, I don’t mind,” I said waving her off. “I have all the time in the world to listen about all the cool things about giraffes.” I leaned in closer to the kid and whispered, “All I know about them is that they have long necks.”

The kid acted like I had said the most scandalous thing in the world. His eyes bulged out and he gasped and held his hand to his mouth. “You have a lot to learn, Mr. Psycho,” he said in a gentle tone. “I’ll teach you.”

I could tell the child’s mother was in a rush so I had to make a compromise with him. “How about you teach me all of it after your trip? We can even talk about all the other farm animals you saw and compare them.”

“Cool,” he said giving me a thumb up and a quick high five.

“I’m sorry but we really have to go,” his mother said fixing her purse strap that had slid off her shoulder, “the school bus is waiting outside and they’re leaving in five minutes.”

“Okay, bye Mr. Psycho,” the kid said waving goodbye as his mother pulled him along towards the back entrance.

I waved until they stepped outside before I got up from my squat. When I first started my career, squatting for more than 30 seconds used to seriously hurt my knees, but I’ve done it so often that now, I feel like I could rest in a squatting position for a long time.

I turned around to push the doors leading to the second floor when my mom pulled it and pushed by me.

“Sorry dear,” she said half mindedly while she stared at a folder in her hands.

Dear? She’s never called me dear before. She only uses that term for strangers. “Hey mom,” I said putting my hand in the air.

Mom stopped in her tracks to turn to me. She looked embarrassed. “I’m so sorry, love,” she said staying in her spot. “I didn’t see you there.”

“It’s fine,” I shrugged putting my hands into my pockets. I wore blue jeans with a simple long sleeved grey shirt. This wasn’t normally the type of clothing I’d wear into work but this wasn’t my office and I wasn’t sure what the dress code was.

“You in a hurry?” I asked mom as I saw her eyeing the back doors.

“Yeah,” she said sadly. “Wish I could stay and chat but a bunch of the grades are going on a field trip today. We’re about to leave and I really need to do a head count of my students before we take off.”

“Okay,” I said shooing her off. “Have a great day!” I yelled as she ran out the door.

The office was different.

Not that there was anything wrong with it, it was just very different from mine.

The lights in the office were muted and dull, they had a bit of a yellowish orange tint to them, whereas in my personal office, the lights were bright, not blinding, but bright enough to not feel so…dull and depressing.

The curtain in this office were a deep red that barely let any sun filter into the room, whereas the curtains in my office were a beautiful shade of green that reminded my patients of nature. After all, the colour green was very comforting to depressive people. None of them knew it but studies have shown that green did improve a person’s attitude.

The entire room just felt like what it was, an office, not a place of comfort.

There were pictures everywhere of the counselor and who I was assuming was her husband, the other counselor at the other school. Everything in the office screamed, “DON”T TOUCH ME I’M DELICATE!” Everything from the lamp to the vases to the books that were on the shelves to the pictures, even the chairs looked untouchable.

In my office, I tried to make everything look and feel welcoming, because not everyone liked to spill their guts lying down or sitting on a couch. Some people liked to stand and walk around, look out the window, touch things. Everything here seemed…stiff.

The office even had a scent. It smelt like old wood and incense. The smell wasn’t too strong that it was suffocating but it was enough to make you wish you were outside breathing in fresh clean air.

I sat down on the chair and looked around the room again, this time, paying closer attention to the painting that hung on the wall. They were odd and abstract. I couldn’t tell what they were and I’ve taken the Rorschach Test.

Maybe my mind would change if I sat down and just looked at it from another angle.

It was only ten-thirty in the morning and I felt like I was losing my mind.

For some reason, I just couldn’t get comfortable in the counselor’s office, no matter how hard I tried.

Nothing could keep me occupied, not even the computer.

Though, through my snooping, I found the counselor’s diary in her drawer but because I tried to be a good person when I could, I didn’t touch it. The diary would help me get an inside look into her life and what was going on in her head, but I had to respect her property.

With a groan, I got up and left the office. The florescent lights that pierced my eyes were both a blessing and a curse. It took about ten seconds for my eyes to adjust to the change of lighting. Breathing in the fresher air deeply, I nodded at the secretary, whom I was certain was asleep judging by how still she was. It was hard to tell because her eyes weren’t completely closed but her slow and deep breathing was a huge give away.

I doubted anyone was going to come and see me but if someone did, I was certain they’d just make an announcement over the PA system so it wasn’t a big deal to just leave without saying anything,

I aimlessly walked around the hallways, looking at the class pictures that decorated the walls around the main office, looking at the murals by the gym that the students had done a few years back, and peering into the classes as I walked by them.

It was nice.

“Hey there stranger,” someone called as I was peeking into another class. It looked like a drama class. “What are you doing lurking in the hallways?”  Her face was familiar but I just couldn’t place it. She must’ve noticed that I didn’t recognize her so she raised her hand in greeting and reintroduced herself. “Nala,” she said smiling, “remember?” Nope. But I wasn’t going to tell her that. “I teach biology!”

“Right!” I said snapping my fingers. I remembered her now. “Mrs. Nala! How are you?”

“Actually my first name is Nala,” she laughed. “Greene is my last name and it’s Ms. not Mrs.,” she corrected bringing up her left hand, which was ring-less.

“I’m so sorry,” I said feeling ashamed. “Mentally, I’m on vacation so I’m not bothering retaining any information, what-so-ever.”

“Okay,” Nala said in a tone that suggested she didn’t believe a word I just said.

Couldn’t blame her, she just wasn’t on my radar or anything. Was it really my fault that I couldn’t remember every single teacher I saw yesterday? The only people I tend to remember and care for were my patients and my loved one. Does that make me a bad guy?

“You didn’t answer my question?” Nala said looking at me with expecting eyes. “What are you doing?”

“Oh just watching these kids,” I answered looking back into the classroom.

“Try not to sound so creepy,” Nala laughed nudging me away from the door.  

I cringed because she was right, it did sound creepy. “Yikes,” I laughed. Nala just huffed in return. “Do you have a spare?” I asked as we slowly walked down the hallway. I assumed she did have a spare period because it didn’t look like she was in a rush to get anywhere.

“Yeah,” she sighed looking at her watch. “I drew the short stick and I have to monitor the hallways this period,” she explained. “You know, make sure I keep the halls safe from students running and all.”

I laughed. “Well thank you for your service to this school.”

“Want to tag along with me while I roam these halls?” she asked.

“Yes please,” I sighed in relief. “I’m so bored.” I was glad she asked me to tag along with her because I just didn’t know what to do with myself and I couldn’t follow her around. But her offering, made it okay.

At first, we walked around without saying a word to each other. The silence was nice.

 Nala was stopped a few times either by fellow teachers saying hi or by students asking questions about an upcoming test, none Nala actually answered.

“I used to hate when teachers and professors did that,” I said when we walked away from yet another student asking about the test.

“What?” Nala asked looking up at me. She genuinely looked confused.

“You know the whole answering your question with another question,” I scoffed.

“I do that?” she asked.

“Yes!” I answered.

“Why hasn’t anyone ever told me this?”

“Oh my God you’re doing it to me,” I said impassively.

“You’re in no position to talk,” Nala argued. “You’re a psychologist. Don’t you do it all the time?”

“Yeah but not for shits and giggles,” I said partly offended. “I actually give people answers.”

Apart from the sneer, Nala overall ignored my comment.

My stomach made a small growl as my mind drifted off to the lunch that I’d packed myself this morning. I’d made stir fry rice with eggs, shrimp, mushrooms, bean sprouts and tofu. It was one of my favourite things to make and my absolute favourite to eat. I hadn’t made it in a while so I was really excited to dig in once lunch time got around.

“A little hungry I see,” Nala laughed staring at me stomach. “Here,” she said pointing at a door and walking towards it. “This is my classroom, remember?” she said mockingly. “I have some snacks in there if you want one.”

“Sure,” I nodded following her with a bounce in my step. The promise of food always made me happy.

Nala allowed me to step in first after she’d opened the door and the first thing I noticed was all the beakers that were filled with water. Nala was talking and rummaging through her purse but I paid her no mind.

Growing up here, and back home in Syria, I was never good at biology, chemistry or physics. Did I know the biology of the human brain, yes? But learning the other things just never came easy to me. However, I always had an interest in them.

Following my curiousity, I walked to the closest station and picked up two beakers. They both had clear stuff in them  but one was labelled “A” and the other “W.” It was obvious that I didn’t know what “A” meant but I sure as hell knew what “W” meant.

Weaker.

I lifted both beakers up and poured the “weaker” liquid into liquid, “A.”

Nothing happened for about two seconds before the beaker suddenly got hot and then foam shot out. The hot foam hit my chin and neck before I could drop the beaker on the floor.

Everything happened so quickly. In a flash Nina was by my side guiding me towards a sink, pulling my shirt off and splashing water on my neck and chest. I barely registered her telling me to take off my necklace. My fingers worked on autopilot as I took it off, carefully closing the clasps so that the rings wouldn’t slip out.

“Why did you do that?” Nina scolded looking at me incredulously.

“I thought it was going to change colour or something,” I said in defense, a little embarrassed about what just happened.

“Oh my God, you’re an absolute idiot,” she said looking more pissed off by the minute. “How could a grown man do that?”

“Well,” I answered, “I know it couldn’t be anything too bad, Teenagers will be using it after all.”

Nala didn’t answer me; she just gave me a dirty look as she splashed more water onto my affected areas.

Nala left me to go clean up the broken glass while I continued washing myself and making sure I wasn’t reacting badly to the spill.  Nala was skeptical to leave me alone in the room but after much coaxing and assurance that I wouldn’t touch a single thing, she left me to go to the gym and get me a shirt.

I was patiently sitting at Nala’s desk when the door flew open. I turned around to watch Nala walk in but it wasn’t her. It was the guy Fin from yesterday. He stared at me with squinted eyes, his hand still on the door knob, one foot inside the room.

“Uh, what the hell?” he asked looking at my bare chest.

“Oh, I had an accident,” I vaguely explained pointing to the crime scene, which Nala had cleaned up so it looked like nothing actually happened. “I put the “weaker” liquid into liquid “A”. It reacted badly.”

“Right,” Fin said stretching the word out. He was wearing one of the school’s sweatshirts. It was a nice navy blue that complimented his dark skin. I hoped Nala was getting me the same sweatshirt.

“Where’s Nala?” Fin asked looking around the room like she was hiding somewhere.

“Gone to get me a shirt,” I answered. “Shouldn’t you not be calling your teachers by their first name?”

“Shouldn’t you not have sex in a classroom?” Fin retorted with disgust.

“What? God no!” I said shocked. “Who do you think I am?”

“I’m kidding dude,” Fin laughed. He finally walked into the room and sat down. “I need to ask Nala about the test so I’m going to wait here.”

What was up with this kid calling his teacher by her first name? It was completely inappropriate.

“So you put any thought it coming in for counselling?” I asked Fin as we both waited for Nala.

“No,” Fin simply added, “I have thought about it and the answer is no,” he repeated making it very clear that he didn’t want counselling not that he hadn’t thought about it.

I pursed my lips and slowly nodded. “You’re waiting for nothing,” I warned Fin. “She’s not going to give you an answer. She’s just going to answer your question with one of her own.”

Fin ignored me, deciding typing on his phone was a great deal better than talking to me.

It didn’t take long for Nala to come in and throw the shirt at me. The shirt was much paler than the one Fin wore and it didn’t smell fresh. Nala was still bitter I see.

“Hi,” Fin said getting up from his seat when Nala came in. “I was just wondering if chapter 7 was going to be on the test.”

“Did we study chapter 7?” Nala asked Fin.

I smirked at Fin and with just the look in my eyes I said, “I told you so.”

“Yes,” Fin answered Nala.

“Then what do you think?” Nala asked again.

“I guess I have to study it,” Fin sighed as he made his way to the door. “Oh and sir,” Fin called looking back, “Do what you oughta put acid,” he paused for dramatic effect, “into water,” and with that he left.

The bell had just rung for lunch so I thought it was a great time as any to go heat up my stir fry. I reached into my bag to grab my lunch when a small voice called my name.

I thought I was hearing things but then I heard my name being called again.

“Dr. Yaseen?” I looked up to see Veronica.

“Veronica!” I said genuinely happy to see her. She was one of my favourite patients. “Hi! Come in!”

Veronica stepped into the room but she didn’t sit down, she just nervously put her hands on top a chair and took a deep breath.

“I’m kind of having a rough day today and I know I’m not going to eat if I…” she took a shaky breath, “I just can’t.”

Veronica was 15; she started seeing me when she was 13 when the pressures of society and her parents were getting to her. She had Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder. It was in the name, she would avoid eating and her overall calorie count was very low. Veronica wasn’t anorexic (not anymore) or bulimic, she was still slightly underweight and that made her very happy but also very sad. She had episodes were she was fine some days and other days were really hard for her.

“Did you bring a lunch today?” I asked Veronica. She simply shook her head and stared at the floor. “Have you eaten today?” Veronica looked at me and shook her head again. “Are you hungry?” I asked in a soft voice. She nodded. “When was the last time you ate?” I asked afraid of the answer I was going to get.

“Yesterday morning,” Veronica sobbed.

“Hey, don’t cry,” I said getting up and walking around the desk to where she stood. I placed a gentle hand on her shoulder and she ran into my body for a hug. “Don’t cry,” I murmured. “It’s okay.”

“I really thought I was getting better,” she said brushing away her tears.

“Don’t worry too much,” I said rubbing her back. “It’s okay to have a setback. Doesn’t mean you’re failing or you’re weak. We just have to keep working on it.”

“I feel so bad coming to you,” Veronica laughed pulling away from the hug. “I know you’re on vacation and I wasn’t at school yesterday but when I found out you were here, I thought -.”

There was a knock that cut off what Veronica was going to say. We both looked to see Nala there watching us.

“You forgot this by the sink in the classroom,” she said holding up my necklace.

I was by her side in a millisecond to grab it. I quickly noticed that my parents’ rings were in different positions. Nala must’ve noticed my confusion because she confessed that she’d thought my mom’s ring was beautiful and she couldn’t help but try it on. I didn’t like the idea of her wearing it and it my face probably showed it because she apologized profusely.

 I wanted my future wife to be the only other woman to ever wear my mother’s ring. Not some stranger who knew nothing about me.

Nala left just as quickly and silently as she came, but I couldn’t worry about myself right now. I couldn’t stress about something someone else did without my acknowledgment or permission, I had to focus on Veronica.

“Veronica,” I said turning to her, pushing the ring situation to the back of my mind. “Would you like to join me for lunch? I’m starving.”

“I don’t know if I should,” she said shyly looking at the floor.

“I know you’re hungry and you have to eat okay,” I told her. “Your body really needs you to eat and not eating for over 24 hours is extremely dangerous, you understand that right?” When she nodded I continued. “I’ve been hearing great things about a nice little diner that recently just opened up about a 10 minute drive from here; want to go check it out?”

Veronica was quiet before she said, “I hear they’ve got great sandwiches.”

It was the most confirmation I was going to get from her so I ran with it. “Alright let’s go,” I said grabbing my car keys and ushering her out the door. “How long is lunch, an hour?” I asked as I locked the door.

“Yeah,” Veronica confirmed, “but I got a spare after lunch so I’m not in a rush.”

“Great,” I cheered rubbing my hands together, “we can have a buffet and eat a butt load of stuff. We gotta try everything in order to see if they’re really as good as people say they are. All on me of course.”

Veronica smiled and said, “thank you Dr. Yaseen.”

I fist bumped my chest twice and made a sideways peace sign. The universal sign for “I got you.”

Veronica cringed and said, “You’re too old to do that, Dr. Yaseen.”

“What!” I gasped. “I’m 30!”

“Exactly,” Veronica laughed as I left the secretary a note giving her my number and telling her to call me on the off chance that someone showed up.

I guess I would have to wait another day to eat my seafood stir fry.