FOUR

Al broke a slice of bread that she had snuck in her pocket from dinner and smiled as the ducks from the pond made their way to greet her.

"Ducky!" four and a half year old Aaliyah giggled "Daddy look ducky!"

Cyril Nelson chuckled and kneeled down to his daughter's level and pressed a few breadcrumbs into her palm.

Aaliyah startled a little as the birds made their way over she wasn't that much bigger than the ducks and they way they moved their wings flapping them scared her. The duckies were pretty from a distance but up close they were intimidating.

"Daddy..."

"It's okay" Cyril comforted her "the duckies just want some of this bread"

"Bread?"

"Yup you can feed the duckies," Cyril explained taking her tiny hand in his guiding her in tossing a few crumbs. Aaliyah giggled in amusement as the ducks quickly nibbled at the ground for the crumbs.

"Daddy the bread is yummy to the duckies!" Cyril kissed the little girl's chubby cheek and she giggled teasing her "You still scared of the duckies?"

"No" Aaliyah proclaimed, "let's feed them some more Daddy!"

Cyril laughed and they spent the whole afternoon with their ducky friends at the pond and from that day on he took his daughter to feed them every Sunday afternoon.

"I swear I'm going to cut all your hair off one of these days..." Valerie Jones grumbled "if it wasn't for your daddy being half Indian I wouldn't be going through this...hair too damn confused...don't know which texture it want to take...negro or Walapai...."

"Momma don't cut my hair" Aaliyah cried

"Oh hush up child ain't nobody cutting this damn hair" her mother huffed snatching her shoulders between her knees "this would be easier if you was a boy and stop all that damn squirming been braiding this head of yours for too long"

"It hurts Momma"

"Girl that damn Walapi or whatever your daddy is got you tender headed" Valerie

"I'm not hurting you"

"I love Daddy"

Valarie snorted at that "I know you do and that's all you talk about I don't ever hear you say you love me though I'm the one who gave birth to your ass"

"I do love you Momma"

"Girl turn your damn head around"

Aaliyah was used to her mother saying the words damn and shit a lot, which she couldn't understand because she was taught not to use those words. Perhaps only grown ups were allowed to use those words.

The doorbell rung and much to Valerie's frustration Aaliyah jumped up

"That's Daddy!"

"I heard the damn bell just like you did" she said annoyed

"Daddy is taking me to see the duckies!"

"You see those damn ducks every Sunday you ain't leaving this house looking like Buckwheat"

The doorbell rung again and Valerie grumbled, "I heard you the first time damn!"

As soon as Valerie opened the door to her tiny one bedroom apartment Aaliyah ran into Cyril's arms.

"Daddy!"

"There's my Liyah!"

Valerie scowled in jealousy over Aaliyah swooning over Cyril perhaps she didn't understand since her own father was absent for her life; at the same time she was pissed.

Aaliyah was a beautiful child and favored Cyril from the shape her button nose to her honey brown skin.

Valerie was always the ugly duckling of the family with her mocha brown skin and wide nose so when her daughter was born everyone on her side of the family was anxious to meet her.

"Thank God that baby look like her daddy!"

"Val was never that pretty must be that Indian blood"

Valerie found herself getting pissed and she snapped at both of them "Aaliyah girl get your little behind back over here so I can finish your hair"

"Daddy are we still seeing the duckies?"

"Yes we are let Momma finish your hair" Cyril said taking a seat on the couch across from them.

"Have her back before eight Cyril" Valerie said coldly interrupting their little interaction "the child has preschool in the morning"

Father and daughter were standing in front of their favorite area of the park tossing breadcrumbs to their duck friends. It was a gorgeous fall day in early November and was rather warm to for this time of year.

Aaliyah noticed that as soon as some of the ducks were fed they took to the sky forming a V pattern and were flying altogether in one direction. Their quack and honks sounded in the wind.

"Daddy where are the duckies going?"

"Winter's coming" Cyril explained, "they're going South"

"Why?" the curious little girl asked "I thought they liked it here"

"They do but they don't like the cold and snow"

"I like snow"

Cyril chuckled "I know you do"

"Will they come back?"

"They sure will as soon as spring comes again right around your birthday" Cyril explained "they'll be flying back just to see you"

Aaliyah giggled

"Liyah" Cyril said seriously now "Daddy's going to be going away soon too"

"No Daddy not you too"

"I have to baby" Cyril said "remember how I explained to you how I'm apart of the military?"

Aaliyah nodded

"Well sometimes I have to go where I am asked to go to do my job," he said explaining it the best way a four-year-old could understand "I have to do my job to take care of you and Momma"

Cyril hadn't been called in since before Valerie was even showing with Aaliyah and didn't think he'd be called again until she was at least in middle school and old enough to understand.

"Are you coming back?" Aaliyah asked, "we have to go to the Grand Camyum"

"Grand Canyon" Cyril chuckled "and yes I'll come back to take you there for your birthday"

"I love you Daddy"

"I love you too Aaliyah"

"...at least now I know where some of your meals are going"

Al turned around to see Jackson walking towards her as the last of the breadcrumbs were consumed by the ducks. The sun was setting and night was falling. Some of the ducks took to the sky in their annual V formation to head south.

A tear fell down her face when Al realized the last time she watched ducks fly south was twenty-two years ago and her father was by her side.

"You okay?"

"....yeah" Al replied not very convincing

"It's time for dinner"

"I'm not hungry"

"You have to eat something---

"I said I'm not hungry"

Jackson looked at Al and she knew that he didn't believe her at the same time she didn't want him to feel the need to come to her rescue every time she got upset.

Al was pretty much used to being labeled as crazy and people leaving her be so she didn't know how to deal with Jackson.

"You have to eat something Al"

"I'll be fine I'm going to my room"

"Let me---"

"I can walk myself"

"Daddy's coming home soon" Aaliyah said at the breakfast table it was a week before her fifth birthday.

Valerie knew this looking at the calendar it was now March 13th and Cyril did say something about coming home on the 20th but she didn't want to entertain that thought to her daughter.

"Is he now?" Valerie snorted, "that man been gone almost five months he ain't coming back---"

"Yes he is Momma" the little girl insisted, "he told me he would"

"First of all I don't know who the hell you raising your voice at" Valerie said "second your daddy says a lot of things that don't make it true"

"Daddy said he'd be home for my birthday"

"And?" Valerie said annoyed now "I'll be here too I'm the one pushed you out and you tore up my damn pussy you ungrateful little bitch"

Aaliyah figured her mother was really mad now because she never called her a bitch before.

"What you looking all confused for?" Valerie spat "finish your breakfast I still got to drop you off before I go to work"

Aaliyah reluctantly put another forkful of waffles in her mouth but felt uneasy and her mother ordered her to go get her jacket so they could get moving.

"Daddy is going to come back isn't he?"

Valerie didn't answer a news blurb sounded on the television as a special report came on

"....locals say that the attack was pretty fatal among the causalities fifteen pronounced dead, eight injured, and three with lost limbs...."

"The bomb's damage was so serve that one U.S. solider Cyril Nelson was lucky to escape his impending death however he has permanently lost his not one but two of his legs making him bound to a wheelchair"

Valerie crossed her arms across his chest as she listened to the news report and she was shocked to see Cyril. Her child's father who once stood like a tall mighty fortress at six foot three was now reduced to being in a wheelchair.

Where his tree trunk legs used to be were now covered ends with the pants balled up.

"...I'm fortunate to be alive" Cyril told the news reporter "although it means the end of my military career at least I can be a more active and present father to my daughter...."

Valerie snorted as she cut off the television "Yeah okay we'll see about that"

This was going to be her second attempt at completing this puzzle. Al wanted to complete it, she needed to complete it. When Al found the puzzle box on the shelf she took it and went to the nearest vacant table.

Laying out 1,000 pieces on the table Al studied the picture on the box and began her process. When she was finished she'd finally see the Grand Canyon.

"You're what?"

"You heard me" Valerie said, "I'm getting full custody of Aaliyah and we're moving"

"You can't do that Valerie" Cyril insisted, "we have shared custody of her and we're not allowed live in two different states"

Valerie had come to the hospital that Cyril was at now just to see how pathetic he looked in a wheelchair. When she saw that she was right she knew she had the upper hand. Aaliyah hadn't stopped asking for her father for a week now and that really pissed her off.

Here she had spent four months being the main present and able-bodied parent and yet Aaliyah was crying for this no leg motherfucker?

"Cyril would even be able to be a good parent when you can't even walk anymore?"

Cyril frowned a little and said, "I can do the best I can Val she's my little girl"

"Well let's see" Valerie said now running through a whole check list "You won't be able to teach her to ride a bike, you won't be able to swim with her anymore, no more feeding no damn ducks"

"Oh any you won't be able to take her to the Grand Canyon" Valerie chuckled bitterly "ain't that something? I don't know what child her age wants to do that dumbass shit anyway"

"Val I was going to take her to my family's reservation the Hualapai Tribe are apart of my blood they are apart of Aaliyah's blood" Cyril tried to explain "my grandparents are still alive she has a chance to actually meet her great grandparents full Hualapai are you really going to take that from her?"

"Oh please" Valerie huffed "that child is black and society is going to see her as black not no damn Walapai or whatever"

"The only thing Native American about that child is that looser hair curl pattern"

"You're not taking her from me Valerie"

"Watch me besides I'm the mother it's going to work out in my favor anyway"

"I'm going to fight this"

"Don't fight too hard wouldn't want you to lose your arms too"

"Momma where's Daddy?" Aaliyah cried as Valerie drove her home from preschool "he missed my birthday he didn't even call"

Oh that motherfucker called alright  Cyril called three times on Aaliyah's birthday and Valerie deliberately didn't pick up the phone nor did she allow her five year old to answer the phone either.

Cyril left message on the answering machine throughout the week about going to court

All the way home Aaliyah cried "Daddy! Daddy!"

Once Valerie parked she yanked Aaliyah by the arm and dragged her to their apartment and smacked her hard across the face.

"Stop that damn crying right now!" Valerie hissed "or I'll really give you something to cry about!"

"But I want Daddy!" Aaliyah cried some tears now running down the stinging red-hot cheek that her mother slapped

"YOUR DADDY IS DEAD!"

Aaliyah looked at Valerie in disbelief as she tried to stop her tears "No he's not Momma"

"He is" Valerie said harshly "and he's not coming back so don't be asking for that motherfucker no more"

"Move" she continued to snarl at her "my feet hurt and now I have a damn headache from all that screaming and crying you was doing"

As her mother huffed into her bedroom talking about how the place was a damn mess Aaliyah could hear ducks in the distance quaking as they made their way back from the south.

Rushing to the window Aaliyah could see the birds flying across the pink/orange sunset sky.

The ducks came back just like her father said they would but where was he?

Valerie said her father was dead but Aaliyah didn't want to believe that she couldn't believe that. Her father was coming back.....wasn't he?

"Who cries while doing a puzzle?"

"Hey Jack your little girlfriend is throwing a fit again"

Some of the laughing from the patients made Al upset and she pushed the puzzle from her sending all of the pieces flying all over.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Al yelled, "IT'S NOT FUNNY! MY DADDY IS COMING BACK!"

Al tried to frantically put some of the pieces back together. She began to panic when she realized she didn't remember which pieces went where.

Silas was coming back and they would go to the Grand Canyon. The Grand Canyon.

With the puzzle incomplete Al still couldn't see it and most of all she couldn't see Silas.

"DADDY!" Al cried "DADDY!"

Jackson quickly rushed over to see Al crying on the floor as she tried getting puzzle pieces back together. Al looked up at him and asked, "Where's my daddy?"

Jackson didn't know how to respond to that she was obviously going through another episode and all he could do was comfort her "Come on doll face you're okay---"

"I want my daddy..." Al cried into Jackson's shoulder and the other patients still watched snickering.

"All of you can go fuck off," Jackson said with no apology "go now!"

Not wanting to hear or see Al act out they all gladly left and Jackson felt helpless watching Al continue to grab at the pieces.

"Why don't we put the puzzle away?" Jackson suggested "it's clearly making you upset---"

"No" Al said "Daddy is taking me to the Grand Canyon he promised"

"Al---"

"He's coming back" she insisted "he is...he promised me"

"I'll tell you what" Jackson said "you can take the completed Grand Canyon picture from the box back to your room; I can hang it on your wall would you like that?"

"...yes"

"How's that?" Jackson asked as he put the last pushpin through on the wall. He stepped back to allow Al to admire it and he saw how much her face lit up at the poster.

"I take that as a yes then?"

"He's out there" Al said "he's not dead...my daddy is alive"

Jackson nodded as Al proceeded to run her hands across the poster as if she could feel the red soil of that famous Canyon.

"I want to go find him" Al continued to say "but I was barely five the last time I saw him so he probably wouldn't recognize me"

"I just....I need him"

"Aaliyah!" Valerie called "did you get the mail? I got to pay the damn light bill---"

Valerie stopped in her tracks when she saw her nine-year-old daughter staring at a letter.

"Cyril?" Aaliyah read, "that was Daddy's name. Momma I think this is from Daddy"

"Give me that shit!" Valerie said snatching the envelope from her daughter's hands

Aaliyah looked closely to see her mother's reaction and saw that she was getting furious. Valerie then tore the envelope in two....three....and four pieces. Pretty soon the pieces of shredded paper fell to the floor.

"Momma why did you----"

Valerie slapped Aaliyah across the face hard and she immediately flinched stepping back from her.

"What have I told you about looking through the damn mail little girl you don't pay no bills!"

"I didn't Momma I just saw Daddy's name and---"

"How many times I got to tell you that motherfucker is dead!"

"But---"

"Girl you must be hardheaded" Valerie said coldly "what part of your daddy is dead don't you understand?"

Aaliyah didn't answer but tears still rolled down her face and Valerie spat at her

"Crying over that son of bitch and he not the one taking care of you"

"Jackson" a nurse said from the doorframe of Al's room "it's late why don't you go settle down for the evening?"

Jackson looked over at Al who was still running her hands on the poster

"She'll be fine" the nurse insisted "we'll handle her and you'll see her in the morning"

Jackson nodded as much as he wanted to argue otherwise it was late and he wasn't supposed to be in the women's wing of the facility anyway.

"You're growing quite fond of her" the nurse observed

"I just don't like seeing her being treated like shit that's all" 

Al tossed and turned tangling herself in the sheets. The medicine the nurses gave her were supposed to make her feel at ease but instead made her feel groggy, irritable, and her body felt like it weighed a ton.

What Al couldn't hear were the footsteps making it's way to her room more specifically heavy footsteps...

Valerie was getting home from work when she saw her twelve-year-old daughter talking to some of the other girls on the block. Aaliyah was growing up being one year away from being an official teenager.

Puberty was setting in and her daughter was developing quite quickly. Hips and breasts just grew over night as well as messy bed sheets as the young girl was getting used to bleeding every month.

Valerie also noticed the attention from boys that Aaliyah was getting as well she knew why too; her daughter was very pretty. Valerie grew green with envy everyday because she didn't look like that at twelve. The hair that Valerie couldn't manage was now almost down to Aaliyah's waist.

Valerie hated that damn hair she knew that if Cyril had been fully black Aaliyah's hair wouldn't be that way it was be as nappy as hers.

Valerie saw Aaliyah blush and giggle as fourteen-year-old Shawn Jefferson talk to her as her other friends giggled close behind. Shawn scribbled something on a piece of paper and hand it to Aaliyah and she squealed in excitement.

The man stood at the frame of Al's room and watched her toss and turn in her sleep.

He rubbed the crotch of his pants until his member awakened and stood at alert. Reaching down the man proceeded to unbuckle his belt and lower the zipper as he made his way over to the young woman's bedside....

Valerie knew that Shawn gave her daughter his phone number. Aaliyah had eaten her dinner fast and was jumpy all through out. As soon as she scooped up the last of her beefaroni she immediately jumped up.

"You wash them dishes first girl," Valerie said tightly

"Yes Momma"

"Then after that you do your homework"

"It's Friday Momma"

"And?" Valerie snapped "you in seventh grade now I know they giving you some type of projects to do"

"I have a science project but it's not due until the end of the month"

Valerie watched as Aaliyah loaded the dishwasher and took note of the jeans she had on hugged her bottom a little too tight.

"And your period better show up at the end of the month too"

"What are you talking about Momma?"

"You heard me" Valerie said getting up to look Aaliyah in the eye "I saw that little nigga Shawn giving you his number is that why you was all jumpy during dinner? Was you planning on calling him?"

"I was going to ask you first Momma" Aaliyah said honestly "I like Shawn"

"I bet you do" Valerie said looking Aaliyah up and down

"We didn't do anything Momma---"

"That boy is two grades ahead of you!" Valerie snapped, "he's in high school don't tell me y'all ain't do nothing and then you turn up pregnant!"

"Momma Shawn didn't even kiss me"

"You know you think you're so pretty with all that hair and butt of yours don't you?"

"Momma what---"

Aaliyah was alarmed when Valerie grabbed hold of her arm and grabbed her roughly

"Momma you're hurting my arm!"

"I'm gonna see if you still a virgin" Valerie said pushing her daughter onto her pink twin bed and reached for the button on her jeans

"Momma no!"

"GIRL YOU BETTER STOP KICKING ME!" Valerie barked as she yanked the zipper down "YOUR ASS BETTER STILL BE A VIRGIN TOO!"

Aaliyah continued to kick and squirm but much to her fear her mother had managed to yank her jeans down.

"MOMMA STOP IT!"

Valerie ignored Aaliyah and tore her panties off and forced her legs apart.

"MOMMA! MOMMA NO! AHHH!"

Al couldn't keep her eyes open as the medicine was now starting to take affect. The man who came in her bedroom was now planting kisses on her cheek and neck and Al stirred trying to fight him off. She could barely even see him or make out who he was in her blurred vision.

"Shh it's okay girlie" he said "I just want to fun with you"

Al blindly tried to push the man off her but he had already pushed her pajama pants down and pulled her panties aside.

"I'm going to see if you're ready," the man said taking his index finger and spreading Al's thighs apart

"Yeah you still a virgin" Valerie said withdrawing her index finger

Aaliyah laid there frozen as she felt tears run down both sides of her face and her genitalia was now burning irritably given what her mother just did to her.

"Is that how you was planning on laying in front of that Shawn boy with your legs all spread open?" Valerie snorted at her "girl close your legs and put your damn clothes back on"

"Yes Momma"

"And when you done getting dressed get them clippers out the bathroom" Valerie said "I'm going to make sure you stay virgin for a long time"

"No Momma..." Al cried as the man tried to stimulate her by jamming his finger inside her numerously "Momma please stop...me and Shawn ain't do nothing"

The man was now getting annoyed that Al wasn't wet and was resisting him. The man spat on his finger and spread it on her genitalia.

"Yeah" the man chuckled as Al's body started to naturally lubricate "you're ready for me now aren't you girlie?"

Al didn't answer her head felt so heavy as if she had been hit with a ton of bricks.

The man then proceeded to enter her body and it wasn't long until Al completely blacked out.

"...for your own good" Valerie said as she ran the clippers one more time across Aaliyah's head "...should of done this a long time ago...Shawn ain't going to want to talk to your dyke looking ass now"

Tears fell down Aaliyah's face as more and more of her beautiful hair fell from her head to the kitchen floor. She didn't know what was worst her mother violating her body or her mother shearing all her hair like a sheep.

"....you gonna stay a virgin" Valerie said "cause ain't no boy going to want to fuck a girl that look like a boy"

When the clippers stopped Aaliyah looked up to see the close shaved boy cut her mother had just given her and more tears came to her eyes.

Valerie just laughed and said "Looks like I got a son now! I'm going to have to start calling you Al instead of Aaliyah!"

Al woke the next morning to the familiar painful throbbing between her legs as well as a massive headache. The bell rung for breakfast so Al knew she had to get up and start the day and hoped that Jackson wouldn't ask her too many questions today.

Then again Jackson was the only one who did ask her questions.