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Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.


“Hey honey bunches of oats,” Johnathon called poking his head in the bathroom to look at me with a teasing expression via the mirror.

I was in the middle of styling my hair and my biceps were pulsing from holding them up for so long.

 I knew Johnny came in here to yell at me for taking so long but when you had a big head and long thick hair like I did; it took a while to finish grooming your hair.

“You almost done here?” Johnathon asked looking at the clock that hung above the toilet. “We are already ten minutes late and it takes fifteen minutes to get there.”

“Give me fifteen minutes and we can go,” I said turning to him to give him a quick kiss in apology.  

“Mmm,” he groaned brushing a stray hair away from my face. “You said the exact same thing twenty minutes ago, Lexi,” he whined. “I don’t know why you didn’t do this much earlier. You know how long you take and you had the entire day to prepare.”

“It’s fine,” I said through clenched teeth. “No one is going to care if you’re late.”

“What artist arrives late to their own gallery?” Johnathon asked sarcastically while dramatically craning his neck to the side.

“No one’s going to care. You’re overreacting.”

Johnathon huffed, stepped into the washroom and sat on the toilet to wait for me.

“Why are you even styling your hair? You have naturally curly hair. Your hair is beautiful the way it is.”

I gave John a blank look. “I have to style it Johnny. I got it make it look nice. Look, I don’t want to fight right now.”

“Well you look beautiful, so hurry up so we can get that cute butt out of here” John said giving me a hard slap on my butt.

“John, you idiot!” I shrieked. “I could’ve messed up my hair.”

John just shrugged and pulled out his phone to probably play Candy Crush or something.

I huffed in disbelief but swiftly returned to my previous task. Johnny was right about one thing, I did look beautiful. In fact, I’d say that I looked drop dead gorgeous. I was wearing a form fitting long sleeved baby blue lace dress, a diamond necklace that Johnny had given me on our tenth wedding anniversary a year ago.

I had decided to do a smoky eye makeup look with bright red lipstick. I wanted to doll myself up for the event but I didn’t want to look overly done. After all, it wasn’t my special day.  It was Johnathon’s art exhibition.

Johnathon’s art was being displayed tonight at his old high school. I had advised him in thinking about getting a larger venue or maybe something classier than a school to show off his talents but he disagreed saying that he wanted to do it at the place that started it all. According to him, he’s waited his entire life for this moment. To have an opportunity to have his art displayed in his old high school.

As I’d promised, I was finished in fifteen minutes. I ignored Johnathon’s mumbling about how I was finally ready as he and I ran to car and drove off. In no time, we found ourselves in the parking lot, outside the main entrance to his art exhibition.

Johnathon turned off the car and gripped the steering wheel until his knuckles cracked from the pressure. We watched as men and women, who were dressed in elegant and lavishing suits and dresses, entered the school.  

We sat in the car for about three minutes before I decided to get out. If I didn’t move, Johnathon would stay in the car for the entire night just staring at the school’s doors.

“Wait a minute,” Johnny said grabbing onto my bicep.

I patiently stared at him as he gathered his breaths to speak, but when he didn’t speak I cocked my head and gave him an encouraging smile.

“I just…I wanted to thank you.” I furrowed my eyebrow in confusion. “For everything. For simply being you and for supporting me and my goals, no matter how outrageous they were. I wouldn’t be here without you.” I tried to stop him but he seemed to be on a roll so I pressed my lips together in silence. “I’m serious. You have been my rock throughout everything. Lexi, what I’m trying to say is…thank you and I love you, deeply.”

I moved closer to Johnny and laid my hand on his cheek. He grabbed my wrist and kissed the palm of my hand. “We’re soulmates,” I said stroking my thumb against his cheekbone. “Of course I’d support you. I’d do anything for you.”

Johnny was the perfect husband. He’s everything I ever dreamed of and more. When I was a kid, I’d imagine finding my soulmate, living a fairytale with him, being treated like a queen and being loved recklessly. I knew I would find a husband like that because he’d be my soulmate and we’d be happy together.

I was lucky to meet him so soon. Johnny and I met the year after I had turned 18.

The night before my birthday, I had cried into my pillow asking God why no one wanted me. Why I hadn’t found my soulmate yet. Of course I knew that the chances of me finding my soulmate so young were slim since I lived in a very small town and I didn’t plan on leaving it, but I didn’t care. I was angry and hurt. I was angry because soulmate or not, everyone had someone. Everyone in tiny little school seemed to be dating. Everyone but me.

So I cried and prayed until I fell asleep. I woke up on the morning of my 18th birthday expecting to find my soulmate sitting on my couch. I thought God was going to answer my prayers in a matter of a few hours of sleep. No such luck.

I went the entire day thinking my soulmate would appear at any moment. Again, no such luck. So, on the night of my birthday, I went into the bathroom and stared at myself in the mirror long and hard. “You don’t need a soulmate,” I told myself. “You are beautiful with or without one. You are stunning and you don’t need a man to tell you that. You don’t a man to love yourself.” I told myself that over and over and over again until I believed it, until I embodied it, until it was more than a mantra.

 And I did. I really believed it. I still do.

I loved myself more than anyone else, because at the end of the day, the only person I had was myself.

No one could love me the way I loved me. Johnathon couldn’t love me the way I loved myself.

But God, did I love the man.

“I love you so much, you dummy,” I said leaning in for a kiss. “Now let’s go inside and show the world what a brilliant photographer you are,” I said seductively inches away from his face. Johnathon couldn’t help but lean in for another kiss.

“Okay, let’s go,” Johnathon said pulling away.

We swiftly walked to the school hand in hand, both of us buzzing with nervous excitement.

The exhibit was being held in the school’s main gym. Whoever was in charge of decorating and planning out the room did a fantastic job because you could hardly recognize that the room was a gym.

“Wow,” I whispered as I took in the large, expanded photographs around me.

When Johnathon had told me that he was thinking of doing an exhibition, he’d kept the topic of it a secret. He said it was a surprise but that I’d love it. I would pester him about it every day until one day I’d just given up and let him deal with it. I supported him through it and everything but I just didn’t know what I was supporting.

However, looking around the room now, I was so glad he never told me.

All of his photographs were centered on me.

There were pictures of us from when we first started dating to pictures of us from last week. In most of the photos, I’m not aware that Johnathon is taking a picture.

“Johnny,” I whispered looking at everything in awe.

“I hope you like it,” he said clenching my hand.

“I do,” I said tears forming in my eyes. “I really love it.”

“Good,” he said pulling me into a hug.

We broke from the hug when we heard people clapping for Johnathon when they’d realized he’d arrived.

A few people came up to him to congratulate him and talk business so I took that as my cue to walk around and make sure to look at everything that was displayed.

They were all beautiful. Of course, they were, they were all about me, but the way Johnathon had captured everything was…special.

He had a photograph of us at the park about a month ago when I had gotten ice cream on my nose and I hadn’t realized it until we got home. I got mad at Johnny for not telling me but he’d just laughed it off and his laugh was so infectious that I couldn’t help but laugh along with him.

He also had photographs of me when I was on my phone, or on the computer working. Or when I was eating or cooking. Just every day to day basic things but he had captured them in a way that made them look, dare I say, timeless.

I noticed a crowd of people standing in front of a photograph and talking animatedly. Upon close inspection, I saw that the photograph was of me sleeping but from a bird’s point of view. The bed sheets covered my lower back and further down but my upper back was bare. My hair was a complete mess that fell onto my face but not completely obscuring it. My mouth was a little bit open and my arms lay beside my head.

I remember that morning clearly. I knew Johnny liked to wake up early and stare at me like the creep he was, but on this particular day, he’d jumped on the bed and stood right where I was sleeping and took pictures. I was more bothered my him jostling me awake than of him taking pictures of me looking so vulnerable.

“He really loves you,” a woman said coming up beside me and handing me a glass of champagne she grabbed from a waiter who was walking by with a tray of them. “He’s nuts about you.”

“Well, we’re soulmates so I guess so,” I laughed accepting the champagne. “It’s not a huge deal,” I said taking a sip.

“Yes, it is,” she said turning to face the photograph. “My husband and I are soulmates as well but he doesn’t outwardly display his love for me for the whole world to see. Your husband loves you and he’s proud to love you.”

Her words made me blush so I down my drink to hide it.

A couple of other women noticed me and approached me to talk to me as well. They all mentioned how lucky I was to have Johnathon as a soulmate.

“I’m so jealous,” one young woman said to me. “I still haven’t found my soulmate. I’ve been 18 for 5 years now,” she told me. “I can’t wait to be like you. To find my husband and grow old with him.”

“Oh, Johnathon’s old, but I’m still youthful,” I joked.

Kind of.

The group laughed but the young lady just smiled. “You have a grey hair or two at your temples,” she said touching her own temples. My smile altered but no one noticed. “You’re getting a few wrinkles here and there when you smile. You’re aging and I just think it’s beautiful.” There was a chorus of agreements coming from the other women as they smiled at me. “You’re beauty will live forever, even long after you’re gone,” the young lady said. “Maybe I’ll still be here to admire it,” she joked darkly. The little bitch really needed to shut her damn mouth before I hit her.

“Excuse me,” I said to the group as I left the gym and found the washroom.

Lucky for me, there was no one else in the washroom. I reluctantly walked to the large mirror that was in front of the sink and stared at myself.

“I am beautiful,” I said. “I am beautiful,” I repeated a bit louder. “I am beautiful!” I screamed.

My breathing had quickened and I forcibly held my breath to calm my rapidly beating heart.

I leaned in closer to the mirror and turned my head a bit to the left and lo and behold, there were two stands of grey hair. How did I not notice that before? I leaned back from the mirror and smiled. I had barely noticeable wrinkles forming around my eyes and around the corners of my lips. Barely noticeable, but still noticeable.

The washroom door suddenly burst open as Johnathon casually walked in.

“This is the women’s bathroom,” I said putting my hands on his chest to stop him from coming in any further.

“I was looking for you,” he said smiling at me. He was getting wrinkles too, I noticed. “Everything okay?” he asked looking deep into my eyes.

“Yeah,” I answered softly smiling at him, “just had to touch up on my makeup.”

“Okay,” he said. “Are you done? Do you want to go back? Everyone’s dying to meet you.”

I nodded as he held my hand and we walked back to the gym.

The rest of the exhibition went fine. It was mostly just people congratulating Johnny and I, telling me how gorgeous I was and how I was blessed to have Johnathon. Whenever someone would say that latter, Johnny would immediately say that he was the lucky one and I got the short end of the stick, which wasn’t true because Johnny was a catch and I loved him. I really loved him.

The night was great but I couldn’t stop myself from thinking about my life, my age and my deteriorating beauty. I worked so hard to love myself and to be this beautiful, inside and out, so watching myself age, was, in all honesty, frightening.

Johnathon and I were the last to leave the school but there were a few people scattered outside the parking lot talking and smoking.

“I think I’m going to go for a ride tomorrow after I leave the studio,” Johnny said as we walked to our car.

 “Okay, Lucky Charms,” I said waiting for him to unlock the car.

Riding was a thing Johnathon frequently did. He loved driving and wilderness and such. We had a cottage very close to a mountain trail and that was just perfect for him. He could drive fast in that area and look at the beauty that was nature.

 The area was heavily dense with trees and there was a cliff but Johnathon never rode close to that path, he’d always turn around when he was near them.

We have a Jeep at the cottage that he uses for his rides. His Jeep is his third love, after me and his cameras.

“Excuse me,” an older man called grabbing Johnathon’s attention. “This is awfully embarrassing but my car won’t start and no one knows what’s wrong. I was hoping you could check it out for me? I don’t want to call a tow truck.”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Johnathon said to the disappointed older man, “I know nothing about cars, but my wife Lexi does,” he said gesturing towards me.

“Oh could you?” the man asked.

“Sure,” I said immediately following him to his car.

“So how does a nice beautiful woman like you know about cars?”

I gave the man a dirty look but unfortunately he didn’t see it. What did beauty have anything to do with brains or brawn? “My dad was a mechanic,” I explained instead. “I worked at his garage ever since I was 10 until after college.”

“Outstanding,” the man said as if it was truly a miracle or something.

In the end, his car was fine; it just needed a jump start. “Any questions or anything?” I asked him before I left to join Johnathon who stayed behind in our car.

“Nope, everything else is good,” he said, “my brakes are good so that’s all that matters,” he laughed.

“Okay,” I said already walking back. “Have a good night.”

Johnathon was on his phone playing Candy Crush when I hopped in.

Before Johnathon could start the car, I grabbed his forearm and told him how proud I was of him and his success.

“I couldn’t have done it without you,” he grinned pulling me into a long kiss.

When he pulled away and smiled, my heart sank.

“I love you,” he said.

“I love you, too,” I returned.

He’s probably just gotten into the car, I think as I turn my phone on to check the time.

Johnathon had texted me to let me know when he’d arrived at the cottage about a half hour ago.

I sat down on our porch with a book on my lap and looked out at people coming back from work to greet their husbands, wives and children.

They all looked so happy. None of them were aware of the inner turmoil that was going on in my body, mind and soul.

I just sat there. For twenty minutes, I just sat there blankly staring at my neighbours going about with their lives before I decided to get up to go grab a glass of wine.

Walking in and out of the house was hard. There were so many pictures of Johnny and I and it was hard to look at them and not tear up.

Once I stepped back out onto the porch, my cellphone started to ring before I could even sit down.

“Hello?” I said answering the call.

“Lexi!” It was Johnny.

“Hey baby,” I sighed closing my eyes.

“Lexi! Something is wrong!” he yelled through the phone. “Something is wrong, Lexi. I can’t control the car. My brakes! They’re not working!”

I didn’t say anything. I just breathed into the phone.

The panic in Johnathon’s voice was breaking me. I’d never heard him sound so scared.

“Lexi!” he shouted, “can you hear me!” he cried. “Oh my God! Oh my God!”

“Johnathon,” I breathed.

“Lexi!” he cried again. “I’m heading into the trees, oh my God, Lexi I see them right ahead. I can’t control the car,” he said, his voice sounding dreadful. “I’m so sorry,” he sobbed into the phone. “Lexi! I am so sorry! I don’t think I’m going to survive this,” he said, his voice sounding shaky. He was probably on a rocky trail, which meant he was close to the trees and to the cliff. “Oh my God, Lexi I’m going to die!” he screamed.

“Johnathon,” I croaked my voice sounding hoarse and unfamiliar.

“Lexi, listen,” Johnathon said sounding like his usual happy self. He was trying to give me hope, “I love you okay? I love you so so much and I need you to stay strong for me. I’m so sorry, honey. I didn’t even kiss you good morning today. I just rushed out the door. I can’t believe I didn’t kiss you good morning. I’m an idiot. I’m sending you kisses now okay?” he laughed. “Muah muah muah.”

“Muah,” I said back. I put a hand over my mouth to stop myself from screaming. A few of my neighbours were still arriving home unaware of what was going on. 

“Ahh, a kiss,” Johnathon laughed, but I could hear the fear returning to his voice. “I love your kisses. Lexi, I love you so much and I am so sorry. You mean the world to me. You are my world and don’t you ever forget that. You have made me the happiest and luckiest man in the world. To call you my wife and soulmate was a blessing. You are my blessing. I’m so sorry we didn’t have any kids. Oh God we didn’t have any kids, yet. That’s okay. It’s okay. To have been with you for 22 years has been the best years of my life and I wouldn’t trade it for anything else. Every moment we’ve had has been magical. Every single one Lexi, even all the times we fought.”

I tightened the hand around my mouth.

“Please live on for me,” Johnathon sobbed. “I’m so sorry we couldn’t grow old together. It was the one thing I promised you and I couldn’t do it. We won’t be able to grow old together like that stupid couple from that movie you love so much. The Diary? Doesn’t matter. I love you. I love you so much.”

There was silence as I heard the car move faster and faster.

“Oh God!” Johnathon said, “Lexi, I see the cliff, I am so sorry.”

“Lexi? Lexi are you there? Lexi please say something?” Johnathon cried.

“You’re my honey bunches of oats,” I said into the phone, removing my hand from my mouth.

Johnny gave a short laugh. “And you’re my lucky charms,” he said before there was a loud bang.

Everything was silent until suddenly, there was an excruciating pain my chest that made me drop to my knees. The scream that came out of me was animalistic and deafening. There was just so much pain. So much agony in my chest, in my heart and in my soul. I felt like I couldn’t breath and that there was a fire happening in my chest. I wanted it to stop. I wanted the pain in my chest and the pain of losing my husband to stop.

It all stopped, once everything went black.

When I woke up, my chest was throbbing with dull pain but manageable pain.

I moved my hospital robe to look at my chest closely. On the left side of my chest, there was a nasty looking scar. Why didn’t the nurses bandage it?

I looked around the room, there wasn’t anyone in it and there weren’t any flowers or teddy bears or cards.

I pressed on the red button at the side of the bed to call for a nurse. I didn’t want to be here.

Within a few seconds, a nurse, doctor and two police officers came into the room.

“Hello ma’am,” one of the officers greeted. She gave me a sad smile. “I’m sorry to inform you that your husband has been found dead,” she said like I didn’t know. Like I didn’t have the scar to prove it. “He drove off a cliff near the cottage that you two own. We don’t know too many details about his accident but we will try to find all the answers,” she promised.

“Thank you,” I said in a shaky voice. I looked over at the doctor and said, “When can I leave? I just want to go home.”

“Well,” he said looking at his clipboard, “your wound has healed and your vital signs are normal. You can leave in about an hour.”

I thanked them as they all left the room.

I couldn’t believe it. My husband, Johnathon, the love of my life was gone. He was no longer in my life. He was gone forever and there was no way I was going to get him back.

I slept for most of the hour that I had to wait. The nurse from earlier was the one that came to give me my clothes and escort me to the lobby of the hospital where a taxi was waiting for me.

“If you don’t mind me asking, how did you meet your husband?”

I smiled to myself at the memory. “We met at the cereal aisle at the grocery store.”

“Oh,” she said.

“Yeah. We spent half an hour standing there and debating which cereal was better. Honey Bunches of Oats or Lucky Charms. I preferred Lucky Charms and he preferred Honey Bunches of Oats. We started calling each other that. It was our little inside joke. They were our pet names for each other too.”

“I’m sorry for your loss,” she said sounding very sincere.

I nodded my head in thanks.

The nurse had to run back inside the hospital because of some emergency but she made sure the cab driver was there to help me get inside the cab before she left.

“Can you hold on one minute?” I asked the driver. “I need to go buy something at the drugstore inside.”

“Sure,” he said after I started walking back into the hospital anyway.

It wasn’t hard to find what I was looking for; I just didn’t know why it took me so long to just grab the box.

An employee came up to me to ask if I needed help. When I said no, she offered her two cents anyways. “What colour are you looking to change it into?”

“I’m just going to keep it black,” I said grabbing the hair dye.

“But your hair’s already black,” she said stating the obvious.

“I have some grey hairs,” I said pointing at my temples. “I just want to cover that up.”

“Oh,” she replied dumbly.

The cab driver was patiently waiting for me when I went back outside. He held the door for me to get in.

The hospital must’ve given him my address because he didn’t ask, he just started driving. He silently drove us to my house and when we got there and I told him to wait so I can go inside to get some more money, but he told me that the nurse had already paid my fare.

Walking into the house was…different. It felt empty. My soul felt empty but I didn’t want to dwell on that for too long. I quickly walked to the upstairs bathroom and turned the lights on. The lights illuminated my face as I stared at myself in the mirror. I looked sick and tired and hurt but above all, I looked beautiful. I was 40 years old and beautiful and that’s how I would stay.

I looked around the bathroom and I saw Johnathon’s toothbrush. I picked it up and held it. Just held it.

I loved Jonathon.

I loved Jonathon with all my heart.

 

But I loved me more. 






Chapter End Notes:

I am so sorry if there were any grammtical error or such. I am tired but i wanted to upload this anyways.

I hope you enjoyed this chapter!! Please let me know what you thought of it. If you read the entire chapter, thank you very much, I really appreciate it! 

Thank you!







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Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.