Loved the beginning. Please update soon!Reviewer: Monique Anonymous [Report This]
Date: January 23 2012 01:59 pm
I like. It is flowing nicely.
They are getting close pretty quickly (physically)
I hope the realtionship moves slowlyReviewer: Moni Anonymous [Report This]
Date: January 20 2012 05:13 am
This was a great start!! For a newbie, you are doing very well...There are a lot of errors but I am sure you will get the hang of this and get better as you go along.
I hope so too, it's all very new and exciting!
thanks for commentingReviewer: Leogina Signed [Report This]
Date: January 19 2012 07:07 am
I like it so far, please continue.
Thank You!Reviewer: juleah Anonymous [Report This]
Date: January 19 2012 03:10 am
I was hooked as soon as I realized that this was African American Womand/Asian Male story. I love that your chapter was long and I already love the sexual tension between Nessa and Takeshi!! This will be HOT!!!
Thank You! this story is a work in progress, I've never written anything before so I'm hoping this turns out well. I hope it will be HOT too!Reviewer: pmgayles Signed [Report This]
Date: January 19 2012 12:56 am
Let me start by saying that your story has a lot of potential. I am looking forward to seeing where it is going. That being said, I think that you should consider editing the chapter for punctuation errors. You are missing transitional and ending punctuation at the end of your quotes and its distracting to the reader's eye. You have nice imagery and you don't list very often which is a huge plus in your favor. Also consider your paragraph structure. Those are the main things I see detracting from the story thus far. Quite a few people are beta readers on here. If you are new to story writing then you might consider asking around. Other than that, good job on your first chapter. I enjoyed the character interactions and can't wait for more. :)
Thanks so much for the tips, are you a beta reader or could you recommend someone?
I will try asking around.
Thank you!Reviewer: Artamiss Caine Signed [Report This]
Date: January 18 2012 11:01 pm
I really liked this story. The lift scene was cute. More chapterz please
I'm hoping to have more up by monday or tuesday, it's slow going as I've never written anything before so its proving to be a learning experience!Reviewer: Primes1 Anonymous [Report This]
Date: January 18 2012 10:59 pm