I'm quite pleased that you chose pre-independence Jamaica for your story. I like how you get in lots of little details.Just a few things that stick out for me:
why would they speak spanish? Spanish isn't the official language of Jamaica, and none of their background indicates that they came from somewhere spanish-speaking. It would have been highly unusual for the father converse with her in Spanish. At the time, she may have had access to spanish in school - as at the time wealthy South Americans sent their daughters to Jamaica to school to learn English.
Cherry Crescent would have been in one of the most exclusive neighbourhoods in Kgn/St Andrew at the time - I'm not so sure this family would have lived there in the early 60s. More likely sometime in the 70s, when many white families sold off their houses in a hurry to escape the socialist Manley government. Unless you personally know otherwise, then I'll leave it at that.
Don't get caught up in details though, just let your story shine through...
Haha there is a yardie out there.
First, thank you for your review.
1) The reason behind the Spanish is the father having no choice but to learn to speak Spanish as that was where the more elsuive dollars for his trade was a the time, South America. It was an interest in the language as well as the lucrative trade he would pass on to his sons. Faith wanted to miss out on nothing her father did nor would she allow the boys even more of an advantage. She was also curous about the origins of the rivers and Spanish sounding names of the towns in Jamaica.
2) Hahaa with the Cherry Crescent wouldn't you like to know about that house but you will see and Cherry Crescent is fictional btw but the weight of the word Cherry does echo affluency so I guess I did my job.
Thank you for the advice with the details as I've never wrote an historical and wanted to be sure I was being true to form but I see your point.
I look forward to the history lesson as neither my books nor my parents story would have illuminated that exodus for me.
Thank youReviewer: bookbutterfly Signed [Report This]
Date: April 16 2013 10:10 am
Beuatiful, more please....
Thank you. Lol I will but I have two other open stories on my plate at the moment so as soon as the inspiration finds me I will be sure to turn my poetic thoughts to paper.
Reviewer: Lindy Signed [Report This]
Date: April 15 2013 12:08 pm
I like it. Its got substance. Looking forward to reading more.
Yes I do agree its got as you say 'substance' but I hope my convoluted and multi-layered thought process does not overshadow the romantic aspect of the story ith drudgery.
Thank you, I'm looking forward to writing more.
Reviewer: amlaamar Signed [Report This]
Date: April 15 2013 07:41 am
Excellent, love the historical period.
Wow, thank you. I hope I can do it justice for that time peroid happened several decades before I was even a twinkle in my father's eye.
Reviewer: Bain Anonymous [Report This]
Date: April 15 2013 05:34 am
I think this is the start of something special. Loved the beginning as it sets the stage brilliantly! Looking forward to more!
Me too, and I agree it is the start of something special even the number of words that this chapter boiled down to (1962) I find alluring almost prophetic.
Thank you as always Anni.Reviewer: Anni Grey Signed [Report This]
Date: April 15 2013 05:20 am