Im enjoying the story and looking forward to reading more of it.
Just one small detail I see that needs to be corrected, unless Lynn Yoshita is married to a Japanese man, her last name cant be Yoshita, its a Japanese name not Chinese. But this is the first chapter, I may be getting ahead of myself...
I shall read on!
Lynn's father is Japanese-American. But thanks for reading.Reviewer: amlaamar Anonymous [Report This]
Date: July 24 2013 01:50 am
Love It!!Reviewer: keshah Anonymous [Report This]
Date: July 23 2013 07:52 am
Good start. Just as a heads up, "oriental" is offensive. Just say Lynn is Asian. Oriental describes objects, and even that is antiquated.
You know something. Writing this at like 4 am, I was thinking. That's gonna offend someone. My bad, I was half-awake, kind of "sleep writing". I'll go back and fix it.Reviewer: Genevieve Anonymous [Report This]
Date: July 21 2013 10:18 pm
I like this so far. Please continue the story. I love Nicole and Rick already....Reviewer: keshah Anonymous [Report This]
Date: July 20 2013 11:06 am
Interesting story. Just a couple of minor comments- 1. if Misty's mother is North African, why would she gravitate to African-Americans in the school? The majority of North Africans read as white in American society are at the very least Arab, so that bit did not make sense to me. Also, if you're going to mention Armenian, why not mention the specific North African country of descent as well- seems incongruent. Also with a name like Rich Machima, wouldn't Rich be of Japanese not Chinese descent by virtue of his last name? Machima sounds more Japanese than Chinese. That's all- keep up the good work.
I see where you're coming from. But to be technical, North African's are African whether they choose to accept that or not. In the US, they would be considered African-American if born in this country. We call them Arabs in the US when you come from countries like Algeria, Eygpt or Libya. But like I stated previously they're still African. (I mean Canadians are technically North American.) There is still Sudan and the Sudanese are very much considered Black African. I've only ever known a White African to be of caucasian decent like South Africans.
Also it comes from personal experience a lot of Egyptian-American children I've gone to school with or have become friends with typically stick with a black circle of friends.
Rich's last name is something made up. Therefor not necessarily regional. So it is what it is. But thank you for bringing that up.Reviewer: Rey Anonymous [Report This]
Date: July 20 2013 07:33 am