I am so not liking Kim right now, it always bothered that she would talk to Taye. Now we know why she was always nice to Taye, she has feelings for him for awhile. Kim makes my teeth itch, and I want Missy to whoop her @$$!! Adena won't because she is a classic avoider but I hope that completely cuts her out of her life, Kim can't be trust!!! Taye needs his @$$ kicked. Adena please give Craig a chance after he has treated you better than Taye ever has. Plus Craig is a real man, unlike Taye's punk @$$!!!
Author's Response: Yay! I agree on everything you say! High five! Craig and Missy are real, Taye and Kim are not. Adena, poor thing, she's just trying to get her life back. Thanks for reviewing!!!!
Date: 03/05/10 05:53 am
Well, you don't really punctuate your dialgoue. You also leave off a few periods here and there in the actual story. I also think that your spacing is off between commas and after quotation marks. I think that might've been all that I saw. Other than that, it was good.
Here's how I learned to punctuate dialogue.
You use commas for speaking/saying verbs.
"I did that," she said.
"Okay,' he replied.
You use periods wtih action verbs.
"I did that." She pointed to the mess around them.
"Okay." He shrugged.
You still use question marks, exclamation points, and etc.
Author's Response: Oh ok lol yea sometimes i write my sentences like poetry and i always forget to put periods at the end, thats just how i write i guess, but thanks for the heads up! Reviewer: Flicker and Sparkle Signed
[Report This]Date: 15/04/10 03:58 am
The good points: The characters and plot seem well wroked on. I think it's interesting.
Would you like to know what I thought wasn't that great in my opinion?
Author's Response:
Thanks for reading!
Um sure constructive criticism only please! ;)
Reviewer: Flicker and Sparkle Signed [Report This]Date: 14/04/10 03:51 am
Thanks for a good start to the story. Looking forward to reading more.
Author's Response: Thanks for reading! I will update more soon!
[Report This]Date: 03/04/10 11:40 am
Interesting start.
Author's Response: Thanks for reading!
[Report This]Date: 03/04/10 04:09 am
I am a capricorn and I like this story. Dena needs to chill out or she will push Taye away. Although that is still not excuse for either of them to cheat!! A good beginning.
Author's Response: Yay! Im glad a Capricorn likes this story. Another chick thought that I was attacking you all or something. Whatever! And theres no excuse for cheating, just bad judgement and hormones!
Date: 03/04/10 03:30 am