That was good. I've been looking for a Danny and Nessa story for awhile. Thanks. Will there be more in the works?
Author's Response:
Thank you for reading and reviewing. I do have another story with Nessa and Danny but I have't written or updated in ages. I'm hoping the extra time I have this summer will let me complete and post it. So they answer is yes! There is another story in the works. :)
Reviewer: LadyK Signed [Report This]Date: 24/06/11 10:08 pm
Cool, so this is the prequel to chapter two! That's awesome. It's definitely a unique twist on the Las Vegas fandom. As I said previously, it's great coupling so I really enjoyed reading about them as a couple as well as the different perspectives, from friends too and not just the main protagonists.
One word of advice, not just for this story but for all the stories I have read on your page. There's a strong narrative in the story but not much description. The characters talk a bit too straight and things just happen a bit too quickly. In this one, it was a bit hard to believe they got tattoos so quickly.
Please don't take it the wrong way, I think you have potential to be a great writer which is why I'm telling you this. Your ideas are wonderful, but I think a little bit of tidying up is needed in way of presenting the story. My advice would be to get a beta reader if you can, who can help edit your work and if not that, (this is going to sound boring) but I would suggest to read, read and read! You pick up different writing styles and vocabulary is improved. That's how I learnt, anyway.
Best if luck and don't let this dissuade you, keep writing cause practice will make perfect.
Author's Response:
Thank you so much for this response!!! I love getting constructive advice.
When I started writing fanfics, I only wrote them for myself. But now I'm writing for an audience, I need to get out of the pattern that my readers are suppose to know what I'm thinking.
I did recently get a beta reader and it really does make the story better with descriptions.
Again I'm glad you enjoyed and thanks so much for this review!
Reviewer: dissociative_identity Signed [Report This]Date: 11/04/09 08:30 am
I had to make a quick stop okay.” Define quick Mike.” Sam continued to text on her Sidekick LX as if she’d never left. “He got arrested for speeding and I had to go and bail him out.” “Arrested? Bloody hell Mike!” Nessa laughed as Mike looked at Sam in disbelief. - LOL this made me smile
They had an extraordinary night to pay tribute to an extraordinary day. The following day Danny eventually ended up making her breakfast and lunch in bed. - Can I trade places w/her?
From what I heard after we left Danny’s house, Nessa ended up spending the night. The neighbors we complaining because all they heard the entire night was Nessa screaming ‘yes Danny McCoy yes’ and Danny screaming ‘right there baby’. They didn’t leave his apartment until noon the next day. - Lucky Ass Heifer - LOL
Tonight was the night that would eventually lead to breakfast and lunch in bed. - awww nice.. I really enjoyed this story. You have a way of writing your stories that makes me smile. Thanks for shaing.
Author's Response:
THe way you state you reviews always make me laugh:)
I'm glad you enjoyed the story. I had a lot of fun writing for these two.
They always had eye sex and nothing more:) Thank goodness for fanfics:)
THanks again for the review!
Reviewer: zeta Signed
[Report This]Date: 30/10/08 06:05 am
I love how Sam and Mike's retelling wasn't accurate at all! Just how stuff really comes out of the grapevine.
Funny one shot.
Author's Response:
Hey There, Thanks so much for reading and reviewing!!!
I'm glad you like it.
I thought it would be a funny concept to do a story like this and it was such Sam & Mike thing to do. LOL
Thanks Again!
Reviewer: lovemboth Signed [Report This]Date: 25/10/08 12:21 pm
Hey AshAli! I loved it! It was really cute and fun. Loved the faux versions of the date that didn't happen. LOL! It's really a bummer that tv producers and execs couldn't see the potential hotness of Nessa and Danny! Anyway, awesome job and I can't wait to read your poem fic! :)
Author's Response:
Hey There idj Thank so much for the review!!! I finally posted it.:)
I really liked writing this story and it kept getting bigger and bigger.LOL I finally edited it to a the length I wanted.
I would have love for them to get together even if it was for one bloody episode.
I'm really glad you enjoyed it. Thanks again for the kickass banner!
Reviewer: idjunkie Anonymous [Report This]Date: 25/10/08 06:48 am
Oh that was great AshAli. I loved the different versions and the ending was perfect. Great job.
Author's Response:
Thank again for the review!!!! I'm glad you like the new stories!
I adored these two on Las Vegas. And I loved how they were always 'eye flirting' with each other.
I was trying to capture exactly how Sam and Mike would tell the same story so very differently. LOL
Thanks again!
Reviewer: BlackMamba Anonymous
[Report This]Date: 24/10/08 09:43 pm
Awww, this was so cute! I loved the different viewpoints on what happened, and then the reveal was even better. :) I really liked this show when it was on, so it's great to read about the characters again! Great work Ash. :)
Author's Response:
Thanks so much for reviewing TBG!!! I glad you enjoyed it.
The endings are always my favorite to write. I always try to make them 'climatic cute'! :D
I really wished they would have taken it to the next level with these two.
Thanks again!
Reviewer: TokenBlackGirl Signed [Report This]Date: 24/10/08 07:18 pm