Reviews For Dystopian Paradise
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Title: Chapter 16

I'm so happy right now! It's seems I've missed your previous updates so I had the pleasure of reading three chapters! I'm glad Roxanne finally(!) understood she doesn't have to carry all of Mod's babies, lol! And with that "out" of the way maybe they can finally(!) build some kind of relationship - BUT Leo is still my favourite character, lol! =P and thanks for introducing Sam. Will be interesting to see what he want when they meet later on...

Thanks for the update(s)!

Author's Response:

Ok, I read stories the way you do! I look away and *boom!* someone updates like 3x and I'm scratching my head thinking Where was I?

I think Leo is EVERYONE'S favorite character. He's mine too. It doesn't seem like it the way I write it, but he's close to the heart.

Sam, I think, is going to be one of the more interesting characters for me to write because I've been wrestling with what kind of role he'll play and how I'll portray him. But that's settled now and it's gonna be hot!

Thank you for reading and reviewing!

Reviewer: Cassius_Noir Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: 22/08/10 11:12 am

Title: Chapter 16

I liked Alex. I hope he sticks around a bit. Leo is still a mystery, and I just can't quite figure him out. I hope he doesn't have to take Roxie to the party with Java the Hut! 


I'm happy that Roxie gave Mod a chance. It was a little dangerous, but it's obvious that her feeling for him have grown. 'Abesences makes the heart grow fonder.'

I also enjoyed getting more of a peek into this universe. 

Author's Response:

On Alex: She's definitely one of my favorite characters so far. You'll be seeing more of her.

On Leo: He is an engima wrapped inside a mystery and raddah raddah. Yeah, Leo does a lot of strange things. Some of them will be coming together later. And by 'later', I mean soon.

On Moxie: That's totally what I was going for, but we'll have to see how it all pans out.

On the universe: I'm glad you liked that. I'm finding it difficult, at times, to get the details in. Things are going to start getting a bit darker so please stay tuned!

Thanks a bunch for reading and reviewing!

Reviewer: Cholyn Signed starstarstarstarhalf-star [Report This]
Date: 22/08/10 07:02 am

Title: Chapter 1

This is the only story so far that i look forward to. i really kind of feel sorry for mod.

Author's Response:

I'm very flattered to hear that! Mod just can't seem to catch a break.

Thank you very much for reading and reviewing!

Reviewer: koharia Anonymous starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: 22/08/10 05:51 am

Title: Chapter 1

I find that I'd much rather see Roxie with Leo.

The fact that she "Belongs" with mod makes it seem predictable that she will end up with him just because its supposedly meant to be.

Leo seems very charming at times and Roxie seems to enjoy his company much more than leo.

Maybe Leo and Mod will go head to head for her?
Im curious to see who ends up with whom.
Great update :]

Author's Response:

Honestly, I never really intended for the ending to be a mystery. It is predictable. I realize that. What I lose because of the predictability of the outcome I hope to regain with whatever is original in the story.

Leo and Roxie do have chemistry, though, don't they?

Thanks a lot for reading and reviewing!

Reviewer: neonocelot Anonymous [Report This]
Date: 21/08/10 08:04 am

Title: Chapter 15

I'm so happy that you updated. This was a nice quick chapter. It seems as thought a lot of time as passed since the last one. I want to know what's going on with Roxie, and her new feelings for Mod.

Roxie has every right to feel the way that she feels. The man almost killed her. 

Thanks for updating. 

Author's Response:

I have let too much time pass between updates. And I really hope that hasn't caused anyone to lose interest.

Please stay tuned for more Moxie in the next update.

Thanks for reading and reviewing!

Reviewer: Cholyn Signed starstarstarstarhalf-star [Report This]
Date: 21/08/10 08:01 am

Title: Chapter 15

Very interesting..we now add a witch to the mix and Leo's son..hummm..something is up..cannot wait for more!!

Author's Response:

On Alex: I know! It seems I never run out of supernatural characters to add. But as of the next update, I'll be pretty much done adding characters. I made the party an event where we meet the rest of the significant characters.

On Samuel: He's a live one, but you'll see him in the next update.

And I'll be sure to have that out for you very soon! Thank you so much for reading and reviewing!

Reviewer: neneburge Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: 21/08/10 02:29 am

Title: Chapter 15

This wasn't that short to me. It seemed like a really good update. I liked it. It was interesting. Keep up the good work.

Author's Response: That's good. I didn't want it to seem too short or disconnected. The rest of it seems like a whopper to me. After I went over it again, it was about as long as it was when I cut it the first time. Hope you like the next update just as much. Thank you very much for reading and reviewing!

Reviewer: Flicker and Sparkle Signed starstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: 21/08/10 01:25 am

Title: Chapter 15

Loved the update. Hmmm, seems like Mod is growing on Roxie. Can't wait to see what happens next.

Author's Response:

I'm glad you liked this update. Roxie is finally getting comfortable with Mod. And you'll see more of that in the next update. Please stay tuned!

Thanks for reading and reviewing!

Reviewer: baha_malo Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: 20/08/10 11:49 pm

Title: Chapter 15

Nice chapter! I am anxious for Mod and Roxanne to get more acquainted. I love her unexplainable feelings that she keeps getting, it makes me smile. :D

Please update soon!!!!! 

Author's Response:

Then you are in luck! There's a bit more Moxie in the next chapter!

Thanks a lot for reading and reviewing!

Reviewer: Evrok9807 Anonymous starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: 20/08/10 06:10 pm

Title: Chapter 15

I liked the update.  Thank goodness, there was another dress for her to wear.  Looking forward to reading what happens at this party. Thanks

Author's Response: Yay! I'm glad you liked it. I'll have the rest of the night up very soon! Thank you for reading and reviewing!

Reviewer: Divsionred Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: 20/08/10 02:07 pm

Title: Chapter 15

I still have no idea where this story is going.  I also think its unfair that everyone is pressuring her into liking mod, honestly i don't think she is being unreasonable in her hesitation.

I definitely think you should answer some questions before you add any more twists and turns, because you don't want the story to end on a bad note with too many revelations, that will just make the story seem ridiculous.

But so far good job, it does keep you intrigued 

Author's Response:

On the story: Like I've said, it's going to be a pretty long story. It's only about half-way done as of right now and that's only a rough estimate, without taking dialogue, descriptions and all that jazz into account. I hope you'll stay tuned for the rest of it. I'm glad that I at least keep you interested.

On Moxie: Yeah, it is weird, but you'll see them interacting more anyways.

Thanks a lot for reading and reviewing!

Reviewer: mims Anonymous [Report This]
Date: 20/08/10 01:47 pm

Title: Chapter 15

So I love this story, you're a great author but please get to the juicey parts and more update lol :) besides from that, Awesome!! (sorry if that sounded rude, excuse me impatientness, I get like that when I'm reading a really good story)

Author's Response: Thanks for reading and reviewing. I'm glad you're still reading it! I promise to have the next update up very soon!

Reviewer: Loveit Anonymous [Report This]
Date: 20/08/10 08:25 am

Title: Chapter 14

Aww don't feel that way. The chapter wasn't boring. You provided the reader with a clearer view, of where Leo and Roxie stand. I just don't know how interesting it will be if at some point Leo doesn't start to have real feeling for her.

It sounds like you have an outline, but I find that sometime, trying to stick to it, can cause more harm than good. Try listening to some music, and let your muse take you, where she will. 

Do you know how many chapters you want to write? If not, you need to figure that before you do anything else. As far as the order, don't try to control the story to much, let the characters be free, and see where they take you. : D  Sometimes things come out a bit differently than you though.

If you don't have a beta/editor get one. It's good to have a second opion, so that you don't write something into the ground, lol.

I really like this story, and you're doing a good job writing. My ultimate advise to you, is to just "breathe".

Author's Response: I see where you're coming from about Leo and Roxi's relationship. I think I'm going to have to make its significance a bit more explicit. This is one of the points where I find the 1st-person POV frustrating.

Honestly, I'm thinking that this might take about 30 chapters depending on the chapter lengths. I figured it was going to be about that length considering all of the stuff that happens. Some chapters took up more space than necessary but they didn't really hinder the plot at all.

I keep my little sis around to bounce ideas off of because she loves this kind of thing. She gives me funny little inputs that help as far as second opinions. She's just been busy with her own stories lately. That was part of the reason I was stressing so muc about this last chapter.

I'm glad you like this story. I'll take your advice and see where it goes! Thanks for reviewing!

Reviewer: Cholyn Signed [Report This]
Date: 11/07/10 12:03 pm

Title: Chapter 1

Could you post pictures for the main charachters? I love this story, You are a good writer. Even though I like Leo, I still like the fact the Mod and Roxanne are supposed to be together. I like Roxi's sense of humor. I would like more interaction between Roxi and Mod, if they are destined to be together. Please, don't make us wait long for another update.  

Reviewer: Anonymous Anonymous starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: 11/07/10 03:37 am

Title: Chapter 14

I think Roxi is coming off very confused and somewhat hard to like.

I think her tantrum with Mod was bad behavior and her dislike of him for simply saying he wants to hve kids with him is silly.

I also think her relationship with Leonardo is becoming quite complex....she seems to be wanting to use him to get back at Mod but what did Mod do but be ubber sweet to her and spend a boat load of money on her to make her happy.

Any..Roxie is not  nice person on my opinion right now and I am having a hard time liking her.

I think this chapter was not boring but probably should be part of a larger chapter. The story is getting more complex when it probably should start answering a few more questions...if you ask.

I am all for a long good story but we need a little more action or romance or understanding..I think.

I truley love this story I really do but we just need something more to make us rot for Mod and Roxie ..or Roxie and whomever...ok!

You are an exceptional story teller with a great imagination...I cannot wait for don't keep us waiting too long for that action!!

Author's Response:

You make a lot of good points. Roxi can be really obnoxious; and she really isn't being fair to Mod. She is really rude at times but I think of it as her rejecting the situation and/or using it to her advantage. I think it's hard to make a character (esp. a main character) seem realistic without making them do stupid/mean things.

I can see where you're coming from about the chapter length. I try not to make chapters too long because when I'm reading really long chapters I lose interest. And I would hate for people to lose interest. On the other hand, the story isn't over yet. It's actually not close to being done so it's propably still going to be a while before all the questions get answered and things are 'put to rights'. I am sooo with you when it comes to more action and romance... The understanding may have to come a bit later, though. Sorry!

I'll be sure to get some more action and romance in for you! Thanks so much for reviewing!

Reviewer: neneburge Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: 11/07/10 01:51 am

Title: Chapter 14

Don't be so hard on yourself. This chapter was a lovely addition to the story. We get to see the playful side of Roxanne AND Leo. And we also get to see them adhering to domestication. And we see Leo upset about something, tired, weary...but why? I'm curious to know what his business was and why he seemed so exhausted. I love the shadow figure. I love that this house has secret rooms and passageways. I love that Leo seemed upset and Peter afraid once Leo discover Roxi in the music room. I wonder where he's taking her? To Mod, perhaps?

There is nothing wrong with Mary-Sue moments. This just shows Roxi as 'settling in' with these preternaturals. I'm sure the plot will upset her sense of comfort soon enough. There's nothing wrong with your characters having moments of simplistic normalcy because it aids in the telling and we all know how Roxi was at the beginning of the story so yeah, we know she's no Mary-Sue LOL

You handle this story the way you want to handle it. IT IS YOURS and we are merely the visitors to the world you've created. Whatever you write, I will be pleased with. And I hope soon you update again :)

Author's Response:
Yay! I'm glad you didn't find this chapter boring. I guess it is nice to show that side of Roxi and Leo's relationship. I think I just wore myself out over it. I'm thinking Roxi may have to take a field trip to Leo's place of work sometime, but that's a bit far off.

Everyone loves Peter! It's not surprising; he is frickin' adorable. Lol

It's so hard to write about this house! You would think since I made it up it would be easier. I actually had to review some old chapters to remember how everything is supposed to look. And Roxi still hasn't made it to some rooms! Lol

I'm glad that it's clear that Roxi isn't a Mary-Sue. I think a comment from another site got to me. It really shouldn't have (since I only put a couple of chapters up), but you know how flamers can be. Roxi is becoming more comfortable and that's a good thing. It suits my purposes.

Thanks for the advice. This is my story; I'm just trying to take an idea and shake it up a bit more. By the way, I'm really flattered that you like this story. I'll be sure to post soon.

Reviewer: madame z Anonymous starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: 10/07/10 11:52 pm

Title: Chapter 14

I think this is a very good update. I didn't find it boring.

So far, everything seems okay. I think you are going at a good pace.

All the chracters seems pretty good. I'm not really picking up on any perfection. They have their flaws seemingly. I can't name them all right now most likely. :D

I don't see Roxanne as a Mary-Sue, but that's just me. She seemed timind toward everyone at first, and it seems mostly against Mod. She has her flaws. She won't just automatically understand a character, for example, Mod or Leonardo. Right? I'm just guessing. This POV is fine for me.

Author's Response: Well, thank goodness you didn't find the last update boring.

I'm glad none of the characters seem perfect. I usually find the 'too-good-to-be-true' types to be just that... or unbelievably annoying.

I'm relieved you don't find Roxi's POV frustrating. Yeah, she doesn't understand all of the characters immediately so her perspective is pretty limited. I mean, she is not aware of a lot of the things that go on between the other characters (esp. Mod and Leo). But we'll see more of that later.

Thanks a lot for reviewing! It really means a lot!

Reviewer: Flicker and Sparkle Signed starstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: 10/07/10 08:40 pm

Title: Chapter 14

I just found this story and I gotta tell you, I am loving it. I am anxious to find out more about Mod and see what he has planned for Roxanne. I am so rooting for him, but I gotta hear more first. 

I like Roxanne, I feel like she's just starting to break out of her shell and I am just curious to see if her character will be stronger.

Peter seems like a cool character, I wonder about him though... what's his story?!

Great story, please update soon!!!! 

Author's Response: Yay! A new reader! And Team Mod at that (for the time being)! Well, I'm glad you like the story so far. It's always a pleasure to hear that.

A stronger Roxi is something I am definitely working towards. It's weird because I invented this little world and now I'm wondering 'how does someone like that thrive in this kind of environment?' It's going to get even crazier so stay tuned!

Peter is interesting, isn't he? You're going to have to keep reading to find out more about him too!

Thanks for reading and reviewing! It's good to know when I have new readers!

Reviewer: Evrok9807 Anonymous [Report This]
Date: 10/07/10 07:19 pm

Title: Chapter 14

I can understand what you are saying about the story line.  Where is the story headed?  There are a lot of characters in the story.  Right now my least favorite are Mod and Leonardo.  I don't feel that they are really being truthful with Roxanne.  Also the games that Roxanne is playing with Leonardo isn't fair.  I think that she is more attracted to Mod than she wants to be but is using Leonardo as a distraction.


I also don't understand why Roxi has to sleep in Leonardo's room and call him master.  I thought from the beginning that she was purchased for Mod.  But it seems that Mod and Leonardo both are attracted to her.

The people that I want to read more about is Melissa and her mate and their children.

Thanks for a great read.

Author's Response:

I have a pretty good idea of how I'm going to go about things now. There won't be many more characters so that's not going to be much of a problem. As of right now, I think I have a lid on things.

I usually don't get Mod and Leo as least favorites; but it is true that they are not telling Roxi everything. That's part of the reason I'm finding the 1st person POV a bit frustrating right now. 

We're going to see Roxi taking (or trying to take) advantage of Leo's feelings for her. In some instances, that's going to be the best she can do. It's not always nice, but I think at some time or another every girl has gotten something she wanted that way.

About their relationship: Leo actually did buy Roxi for his own purposes. Mod makes his claim after that. At this point, Leo doesn't completely believe Mod and sympathizes with Roxi. He is doubtful but willing to give Mod a chance to prove his claim; but because he has his doubts, he isn't just going to hand her over to Mod... I don't know if that explanation made it much clearer; I can't give too much away. I think I'll explain all this more explicitly in a later chapter. I'm sorry that that wasn't clear.

We'll definitely be seeing more of Parker and Melissa. The kids may become more important later on.

I'm glad you liked this chapter! Thanks a lot for reviewing and drawing attention to some clarifications I need to make!


Reviewer: Divsionred Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: 10/07/10 01:16 pm

Title: Chapter 14

Yay my fav story is updated, thankyou thankyou, you dont know how happy I was when I saw it. I love the banner it made me lol becuase I still remeber Roxannes reaction to it. I liked this chapter becuase its a nice break from all the hevay/emotional stuff in the previous chapters.

I was wondering when Peter was going to come back, so Im really happy he came back, I still dont know what he is but he seems so sweet.  I dont think Roxannes a mary sue at all, in fact shes my favourite character shes so funny, a bit rude and stands up for herslef she seems like a comlex character and I feel that I mostly relate to her.

Also Leonardo to me seemed sooo charming and even more lovable in this chapter than usual *dreamy sigh* but I wonder why hes so tired and why he got angry at Roxi being in that secret music room. Every chapter theres new mysteries that I want the answers too. Your very good at keeping my attention lol.

Anyways this chapter is anything but boring, I love it and I think the pacing of the story is just right, just write the story in the way that you think is best.  I dont know if you do this but maybe you could note/write down all the scenes of the story that was have planned then write all the main parts of the story like a sentence each from the start to the endiong and then see where you feel is best to fit in these scenes that you were talking about.

Cant wait for the next update, take care! <3

Author's Response:

Well, I'm sorry I kept you waiting so long! I'm not dead yet! Lol! I'm glad you liked this chapter. I like all the heavy stuff (or just writing it), but I do know it can't be like that all of the time. It does get tiring.

I'm glad you missed Peter! I missed Peter too (or just writing about him)!

Sometimes I'm surprised that people still like Roxi. I try to make her at the very least understandable. And sometimes she's a real jerk. I feel like the main character shouldn't be someone you like or hate all of the time. I feel like I'm doing something right if you think of her as complex.

Ah, the ladies love Leonardo! But then he does get more play time. At the end of the chapter, he's not so much angry as he is wary of Roxi for finding the music room; he isn't sure how she found it.

I'm actually tried what you said about writing the scenes like puzzle pieces. It really did help me get my thoughts in order! Thank you so much for the advice!

I'm really glad that you liked this chapter and flattered that this is your favorite story! Thank you very much for reviewing!

Reviewer: Spoons Anonymous starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: 10/07/10 12:15 pm

Title: Chapter 14

Glad to see an update. Loving the characters and story so far. Wow, Mod's character seems complex as well as his relationship with Leonard. What exactly is the relationship bwtween the two?? Wonder what Mod will do next??? What's up with Peter???? Why doesn't he want Leonard to know of his presence??? Look forward to reading more.

Author's Response:

I'm glad you like what I'm doing so far.

Mod is an interesting character to play with. He's just full of surprises. Right now Mod is plotting and...stuff. I think you'll like it when I get to it. I can't give spoilers! As for his relationship with Leonardo, I think I can make a short story about that.

Peter is full of surprises too! We'll get to that later.

Thanks for reading and reviewing! I'll see what I can do about better explaining the dynamics of Leo and Mod's relationship.

Reviewer: baha_malo Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: 10/07/10 07:54 am

Title: Chapter 1

I want roxanne and Leo together.

Author's Response: Lol! We'll see what I can do about that! Thanks for reviewing!

Reviewer: LBS Anonymous [Report This]
Date: 10/07/10 07:15 am

Title: Chapter 14

I love the update I've been waiting for an update on this story and you did not disappoint because I didn't find it boring at all. As for who I want to see more of is Melissa, I think Roxi needs a female friend to talk to and help her out with this situation with Mod, and just to have some girl time with. I loved the playful interaction with Leo and Roxi, wonder why Leo was so mad about Roxi being in that room and why Peter is hiding from Leo. Well once again Love the update Oh and I need Mod to stop running from the situatuion and just face it and show Roxi why their meant to be  because every miinute he is gone she leaning more towards Leo and I  know soon Leo's probably not gonna be able to fight those feelings for her, even if Mod is his friend because Leo is very touchy feely.

Author's Response:

I'm glad you didn't find the update boring! I was seriously nervous about it.

I agree that there needs to be more girl talk between Melissa and Roxi. For the time being, Melissa is pretty much the only person Roxi can really relate to.

Leo and Roxi were cute/fluffy together, huh? I guess that's not such a bad thing. Lol! Leo wasn't so much mad at Roxi as he was perplexed as to how she found the room. Why Peter is hiding is a mystery for another chapter... (Sorry!)

Mod really does need to make more of an effort, doesn't he? He'll spring up every now and again to make his case. It really doesn't help for him to be out of the picture all of the time.

Again, I'm glad you liked this update! Thank you for reviewing!

Reviewer: Chell Anonymous starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: 10/07/10 06:48 am

Title: Chapter 14

I really want Leonardo with Roxie!!!  MOd creeps me out and when are going to flesh characters like Peter.  I like Peter and I'd like to know more about him and he came to a non-member of Leonardo's household.

Author's Response: Peter is a piece of work, I'll tell you that... but I can't tell you much; that would be a spoiler. Stay tuned. Thanks for reading and reviewing!

Reviewer: pmgayles Anonymous [Report This]
Date: 10/07/10 06:08 am

Title: Chapter 13

Please update!

Author's Response: I'm sorry! Lots of things came up. I'll explain when I update this weekend. I already have the chapter done; I'm editing now.

Reviewer: Pris Anonymous starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: 24/06/10 09:57 pm

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