Chapter Nine: For Maya’s Sake

After arriving home, Sam sat in his truck for a moment still trying to figure out what had upset Tara. He was getting fed up with her shutting him out all the time. He thought about going inside, but in his current mood he knew that if he spent too much time alone he'd just end up brooding, maybe even drinking. So he drove to the restaurant instead; he could catch up on paperwork.

Lafayette was taking a cigarette break and chatting with Jessica when Sam arrived. He was startled to see him. “What you doing here, Bossman? Thought you took the day off.”

“Looks like I’m not the only one taking the day off,” Sam snapped as he stormed inside. “I don’t pay y’all to stand around doing nothing, so get back to work!”

“What was that all about?” Jessica asked Lafayette, confused.

“I’m not sure, but I got a pretty good idea.”

Sookie caught up with Lafayette as he headed to the kitchen. “Sam’s back,” she said in surprise. “I thought he was taking the day off to be with Maya.”

“I know. And he in a funky ass mood, too.”

“Something must’ve happened.”

“Ya think?” Lafayette asked facetiously.

“I’ll go talk to him.”

“Be careful Sook. He‘s royally pissed off!”

********

Sam was in his office looking at the picture taken at the carnival earlier that day when he heard a knock at the door.

“Come in.” It was Sookie.

“I guess you heard me jump on Lafayette and Jessica and you’ve come to chew me out about it,” he said. “I promise I’ll apologize.”

“Actually, I’ve come to find out what’s really bothering you.”

“Now what makes you think that anything is really bothering me?” Sam asked testily.

“Because I know you.” She noticed the photo on Sam’s desk.  Tara stood holding Maya in one arm, her other hand grasping Sam’s. All three were smiling brightly. “Y’all look happy.”

“I thought we were,” he scoffed.

“Was there a problem today?”

“Apparently, but I don’t know what.”

“Tell me exactly what happened,” Sookie asked. Maybe she could figure out what went wrong.

“We spent the entire day together and everything was fine. Hell, it was Tara’s idea to take this picture. Then she went to change Maya and when she got back it was like somebody had flipped a switch. She was so pissed off she’d barely speak to me.”

“Did y’all run into anybody who might’ve said something that upset her?”

Sam thought for a moment. “Nope, just the Dearborns. Shirley made a crack about us getting married, but that was earlier and it didn’t seem to bother her.” He laughed bitterly. “Actually, that incident made me get my hopes up again. I thought Tara would see that we belong together as a family, but that woman has more attitude than common sense.”

Sookie stared at him incredulously. “Excuse me? What did you just say?”

“You know exactly what I mean. Just look at this picture. If we were married, I’d be spending a quiet evening at home with my family and none of this other shit would be happening. But Tara is so damned stubborn…”

Sookie cut him off. “Sam, why exactly do you want Tara to marry you?”

“What the hell kind of question is that?” Sam asked.

“A very simple one.”

“Maya needs both of her parents.”

“And?” Sookie persisted.

“And what? It’s the right thing to do.”

 “Sam Merlotte, you wanna know what your problem is? You think you know what's right for everybody. Then when they don't agree, you get all self-righteous and start acting like you're the injured party!” Sookie shouted.

Sam was furious. “How the hell can you say a thing like that? I’m only trying to make a safe and secure home for my baby!”

“And what about Tara?”

“Tara too! What are you trying to imply?”

“I’m not implying anything Sam,” Sookie said, shaking her head in disgust. “You know what, I’m glad Tara refused your ass!”

“I don't fucking believe this!” Sam roared. “Are you turning her against me? I expected better from you of all people. That's not...”

“That's not what? Fair? I'll tell you what's not fair. The one thing I haven't heard you say during this entire conversation is that you love Tara. I know you love Maya, and it’s obvious that you’re in love with the idea of having a family, but you haven’t said a word about loving Tara. A loveless marriage wouldn't be fair to any of you.”

Sam opened his mouth to protest, but Sookie cut him off. “And if you do love Tara, then you know that she has enough on her plate without you constantly pressuring her to go along with your old-fashioned sense of morality! She’s had enough of people trying to control her life. Give her some space to breathe. If you love her, tell her that. If she’s falling in love with you, and I think she is, things will happen naturally. But you need to be sure of your feelings before you even think about marriage. Don’t just ask out of a sense of duty, Tara’s been hurt enough in her life, and she deserves better than that.”

Sam looked at the floor and said nothing.

But Sookie wasn’t finished yet.  “And just for the record, I didn't turn Tara against anything. She can think for herself, which is something you'd know if you ever climbed down off your high horse long enough to ask her what she wants.” She stormed out of the office and slammed the door, leaving Sam to think about what she’d said.

******

At the end of his shift, Lafayette fixed double helpings of jambalaya and banana pudding to go, then headed over to Tara’s apartment. As he’d suspected, she was still awake and dressed; she answered the door almost as soon as he knocked.

“Thought you might be hungry,” he said.

“How’d you know that I hadn’t eaten?” Tara asked.

Lafayette smirked at her. “Sam came back to work in a pissy mood, so I figured things must not have gone according to plan.” He looked around. “Miss Thang sleep?”

“Yeah.”

“Good, cause me and you need to talk.”

Lafayette warmed the food and fixed plates for both of them. He waited until they’d started dessert to ask what had happened.

Tara set her fork down. “Remember Thelma Washington who used to live across the street from me and mama?”

Lafayette remembered. “Sho’ do. Is that old bitch still alive?”

“Yeah, I ran into her at the carnival today and she hasn’t changed one damn bit. First she started in on me and mama, then she asked if I wanted some of her granddaughter’s old hand-me-downs for Maya, like I can’t take care of my own baby.”

“I hope you cussed her ass out,” Lafayette said.

“I did.”

“That’s my girl. Don’t let her get to you Hookah, she ain’t half as high and mighty as she pretend to be. That oldest boy of hers is locked up in Angola so tight he’ll never see the light of day again.” Lafayette chuckled, expecting Tara to join him. Instead he was shocked to notice that she was crying.

He pulled her into his arms. “Hey, what’s wrong? I know this ain’t all cause of that Miss Thelma bitch. What’s really going on?”

“It just brought back all the old shit from when I was a little girl and how people treated me because of mama,” she answered, wiping her eyes.

“That shit is in the past. You done made something of yourself now; you shouldn’t care what other people think.” Lafayette said gently, stroking her back.

“I don’t give a damn what most people think about me. It’s Maya I’m worried about. I don’t want her to have to go through the same shit I did growing up.” Tara began crying again. “I’m thinking about moving to Baton Rouge to get away from all this.”

Lafayette was stunned. “What does Sam think of that idea?”

“I haven’t told him yet.”

“I can tell you right now he ain’t gonna like it. You can’t keep running every time things get rough, you know.”

“I know that, but…”

“You tell Sam what happened with Miss Thelma today?” Lafayette asked.

“No. I’m too ashamed. Sam knows all about mama, I don’t want to give him any more reasons to think badly of me.”

“Look at me Tara,” Lafayette said, grasping her chin. “You are not Lettie Mae, and you are not responsible for anything Lettie Mae did. You’ve turned your life around, you’re making a good living for yourself and your child, and I’m proud of you. You ain’t got nothing to be ashamed of. But you gonna have to start trusting people, starting with the father of your baby.”

“I can’t do it, Lafayette.” She looked down. “Sam is one of the few people whose opinion does matter to me.”

“Do you love him?”

She scoffed, “My feelings about Sam are all over the place. Sometimes I think I do love him, and sometimes I’m not sure I can love anybody except for Maya.”

“He’s a good man, Tara. At least give him a chance.”

“But he may not feel the same way about me. He’s always had a thing for Sookie; still does for all I know.” She laughed bitterly, “I’m not about to be his little consolation prize. That part of my life is over. It’s all or nothing now.”

“Well, if he got a thing for Sookie, he sho’ is hiding it good,” Lafayette said. “Whenever you and Maya around, he can’t keep his eyes off you.”

“You mean he can’t keep his eyes off Maya,” Tara corrected.

“I mean he can’t keep his eyes off of you,” Lafayette said firmly.

“Still, you know I don’t have the best track record when it comes to relationships. I’m sure I’ll find a way to mess it up.”

“I was the same way until I met Jesus. But I had to learn to stop shutting him out and give love a chance.”

“But I just got control of my life,” Tara protested. “I don’t want to give up my independence.”

“Now you just making up excuses,” Lafayette said. “Nobody expects you to give up your independence. And you seriously telling me you can’t handle Sam Merlotte if he try to take over?”

Tara laughed.