“I’m not leaving!  You’ve done nothing wrong and together we are going to keep stating it until the evidence proves it.”

Christian Vega stared at the woman looking up at him with such confidence.  A deep sadness filled him, making it difficulty to breathe or look at her any longer.  No matter how much she protested, proclaimed her support or declared his innocence to everyone that would listen, the evidence was piling up against him and sooner rather than later, whomever was setting him up would began to think of her support of him as a major hindrance. 

Chris reached out to caress her face.  He felt so helpless.  He couldn’t protect himself; he couldn’t protect her.   He withdrew his hand, beginning the process of closing off his feelings for her.  The only way to protect her was to dissolve their relationship.  Put enough distance between them that whoever was hunting him would not longer believe her to be a threat.

He stood still, fixing his resolved as she searched his face.  Waiting for the words.  Waiting for him to put his arms around her.  Proving with his touch what months of police investigation and dogging contacts had not.  Waiting to him to say that together they can defeat his yet invisible foe.  But he couldn’t.  Instead with all the strength he had he grabbed her arm, forced marched her to the loft’s door, opened it and started to pushed her over the threshold.

Snatching her arm out of his grasp Evangeline, pressed her back against the doorframe, refusing to leave.

The emotions crossing her face almost broke his determination, but he knew the pain on her face now would be nothing compared to what she might face if he did not prove his innocence and find his tormenter.   And he could not do that with her in his life.

“Don’t do this Christian.”  The pleading in Evangeline’s voice cut deep.

“You’ve got to leave, now.  Don’t come back.” 

Evangeline read the doubt on Christian face.  Grabbing a handful of his shirt she rested her head against his chest.   “We can survive this. You promised that we’d do this together.”

“No…”  Grabbing her hands, he stepped back from her.  “You can’t help me.  Your love can’t save me.  You’re getting in my way.”

His words were meant to sting, hurt.  The look on her face told him, he had succeeded.

“If I leave, it’s over between us.”

“I understand.”  Christian said with a quiet finality.  He walked to where she had left her purse and coat.  He brought them back to her.   Without another word between them Evangeline took the items, turned her back on him and stepped out into the night.  Christian shut the door, locking out whatever future he might have dreamed with her.

Evangeline downed two painkillers and drank from the bottle that she haphazardly shoved back into the nearly empty refrigerator.  She woke because of the relentlessly ringing doorbell.   The person outside didn’t seem to understand that she wasn’t going to answer.  In addition to the migraine she was fighting, she wasn’t in the mood to hear one more condolence, or “time will make it better,” on her break-up with Christian.

Once the word of their break-up had circulated she’d been visited by members of what she'd named the “Llanview...let’s make sure she’s not alone committee.”  First Layla, then Bo and Nora together then separately, then Antonio trying to explain his brother’s behavior.  Her mother had phoned every night for a week after Layla’s 911 on her behalf.  What she couldn’t get them all to understand was that she needed to be alone, so she just stopped answering her phone, leaving the apartment or answering the doorbell. 

She smiled to herself when the buzzer went silent.   She wasn’t interested in sleeping anymore, her head still ached. So she decided to stretch out the sofa.  Her eyes wandered in the quiet, refusing to settle. Always drawn to the empty space in the middle of the fireplace wall, the paintings Christian had given her disposed of, gone.

“Are you sure she’s in here?  Ms. Williamson works a lot of long hours.”

The voices pulled Evangeline to semi-consciousness.  Her mind recognized the sound of keys and her door unlocking.  Her headache grew from the effort to get up and reach the door.  Just as she was putting her feet on the floor, she looked up to find him standing over her.

Todd Manning turned to the building super and placed a bill in his palm.  “Thanks, I can handle it from here.”  Todd pushed the curious man towards and out the apartment door.

“What the hell is wrong with you?”

Evangeline looked up into irritated blue eyes and began to laugh.  It was a cute giggle that became louder and more desperate the longer the two stared at each other.  Finally, Todd sat down on the edge of the sofa and pulled her into his arms.  Tears ran unchecked down his skin, wetting his shirt.  He said nothing, letting the woman in his arms cry herself silent.

When you're lovers in a dangerous time, you're made to feel as if your love's a crime. 

Nothing worth having comes without some kind of fight, got to kick at the darkness 'till it

bleeds daylight. Barenaked Ladies Lovers in a Dangerous Time

At her last sob he stood up pulling her up with him.  With one arm wrapped tightly around her waist he walked her to the bathroom.   Sitting her at the make-up table he sat on the rim of the tub and turned on the faucet.  Though his face didn’t show it, Todd was surprise at how acquiescent Evangeline was being.  He’d expected her to erupt, to fight his interference.  She was displaying none of her usual independence.   She sat where he had left her, staring down at her hands.  Remembering where everything was from his last impromptu visit he quickly put together everything he thought she would need.   He kept staring at her because he wasn’t use to the silence.  He was used to there being words between them.  He hadn’t intended to barge into her life, her space, but after Layla’s call and no answer to his calls and text messages, he had to see her for himself.

Todd turned off the water and turned to find, her staring at him.  Past him really.  His fear for her deepened at the look of confusion in her eyes.   He was startled to find his hands shaking slightly as he stuffed her hair into a blue plastic shower cap.  It took him several moments of fumbling to get all the thick tresses inside. 

Pulling her to her feet, he waited for her to demand that he leave, that she could handle the rest herself.  It would have been satisfying to see her smile at him, call him a pervert and push him out of the room.  Instead she stood still as if he wasn’t real and it made him angry. 

With more force than he intended, he grabbed the hem her of night grown and brought it upward,   He noticed the tiny chill bumps across her arms as he pushed her several steps to the tub.   He held her arms until she was seated beneath the steaming water.  If it was too hot she gave no indication.

He took her place at the make-up table and watched her stare at the wall, unable to or unwilling to tend to herself.  He waited his thoughts turned inward until the sound of water moving against porcelain and wet flesh brought him to awareness.  He turned to find her watching him with eyes sparkling with unshed tears.

“You’ve gotten your free peep show, now go away.”  She closed her eyes as she head fell back against the bath pillow, he’d found in the cabinet. 

A flash of anger flared in Todd but he smiled.  He understood her rejection.  Words from her, any words showed improvement.  “I’ve seen better.” He replied.

A soft chuckle and water flicked in his direction told him that he had pushed the right buttons.  She had given him an in, and he knew if he didn’t handle it right, she would shut him out.  He stood, wiping drops of water off his chin.    “I’ll be waiting.”

Experience is a good teacher but she runs up big bills.  Minna Antrim (Acts of Faith)

Staying behind the closed door as long as she dared, Evangeline walked out of the bathroom just as her self appointed savior was walking toward it.  She stood holding his gaze.  Sitting in the tub, she had watched him through confused eyes.  Now he looked different to her, his presence felt different.   Since junior high she’d had always been aware of a male’s interested in her, yet she had disregarded Todd’s advances because of her love for Christian and because she believed Todd was her friend and he wasn’t over Blair.”  But now Christian was no longer in her life and whatever Todd felt for Blair, at this moment no longer mattered to her.

Todd stared back at Evangeline, unsure of her state of mind.  Everything that was male in him enjoyed the sight of her.  From long toes, to slender ankles, to legs that disappeared underneath her silk robe. To hair pulled back in a ponytail that highlighted the oval shape of her face.  Without make-up her skin still glowed, but it was her eyes that held his attention.  The large orbs were no longer filled with confusion.

He watched her walk past him, folding herself into a corner of the sofa.  Waiting until she was settled, he picked up a glass of wine and held it out to her. 

She shook her head no.  “Last time I was alone with a man and a bottle of wine, I spent almost two years thinking he loved me, only to get kicked to the curb.”

“Okay.”  Todd said the word slowly.  Putting the glass on the table he sat down facing her.  They sat in silence; neither willing to speak of possibilities and endings.

Tired of the silence Evangeline dug down in the sofa and pulled out a remote and pointed it at the stereo.  Closing her eyes she tried to open her senses to the music hoping it would help ease the pain inside of her.  All it did was to remind her of her failures. 

For weeks she’d worked hard to empathize with Christian’s reasoning…to understand his need to protect her by leaving her.  She shook her head.  She’d psychoanalyzed their situation to the bone and enough was enough.  It wasn’t that she hadn’t tried to mend her relationship with Christian.  Even though she had promised herself she would not.  She’d called and been ignored.  She’d talked to Carlotta and Antonio and still nothing.  She’d grown tired of being Miss. Understanding.  So she’d let Christian go and herself in the process.  She didn’t have the strength to rebound after three years of almost having what she wanted and have it ooze away.  She felt used and abandoned, thin.  Like all the fractured pieces of her were fighting for a place, but none of their edges were fitting.  With a flick of her wrist the music stopped. 

Turned her back on Todd, pulling her knees under her until her chin rested on them she fought the urge to have something or someone make her whole…put her back together.  She felt Todd’s gaze on her and she turned to face him.  His face was filled with the one emotion she hated, pity and before she could stop herself she raised her hand to slap him.  But he had read her and his own hand met hers just inches from his face.  He pulled her hand down until it rested against his chest.  Her chest filled with tears that she refused to let free.  Her glance moved from their clasped hands to his face and back to their hands.  Just for tonight, she thought.   Someone to hold her, need her.  Make all the broken pieces remember where they belong.  Before Todd could release her hand, Evangeline leaned into him, her lips soft against his own.

“Don’t deny me this, please.”  She whispered in desperation.  Her words a prayer that he would not reject her too.  A soft moan escaped her as Todd’s lips softened and opened beneath hers.  She slipped her arm slipped around him, pulling him closer, seeking his warmth, strength.

Todd broke the kiss, pushing Evangeline back.  He wanted to see her face to understand what was happening between them.   Her eyes held a mixture of desperation and fear.  He was tempted to a moment to play the chivalrous hero.  Keep everything on the straight and narrow.  From their first meeting during her representation of Mitch Lawrence to her unwavering support during his time on death row she had become a fixture in his life; a mirror that reflected the better parts of him.  He didn’t want to ruin that but the feel of her skin against his own, the need in her eyes erased all the taboos he had put in placed to keep their relationship from being nothing more than friendship.

His doubt showed on his face and she felt him withdrawing, the desire between them dissipating.    “I have no idea what’s going to happened after tonight,” she murmured, her lips against his ear, “right now I don’t care.  I’m broken and need what you can give me.   I just want to feel something.”  Her fingers dug into his back, pulling him closer.  “I need you to be here with me, give me something to hold on to.”

He couldn’t stop his body from responding as she rested her head on his shoulder her mouth hot against the skin of his neck.  The strength beneath her softness intrigued him.  Taking her face in his hands, he stared into eyes that dared him to be bold. 

His lips caressed the slope of her cheek, down her neck. To her collar bone.  Her pulse beat at a furious pace.  He drew back, waiting for her to open her eyes.  To look at him. 

Your love
Should never be offered to the mouth of a Stranger,
Only to someone
Who has the valor and daring
To cut pieces of their soul off with a knife
Then weave them into a blanket
To protect you.  Some Fill with Each Good Rain by Daniel Ladinsky

Blue eyes so close, so clear.   She watched his eyes move over her face, felt her skin flush, her lips part as her heart beat faster, her breathing speeding up in answer.  She reached out between them, wanting to know that he was being affected also.

He slid his hands down her back.   Promised that he would not forget one detail of was happening between them and whatever happened afterwards he would make his peace with.  Their lips touched not in a kiss, just a meeting of skin and breath.  When the temptation became too much, his fingers clench in the hair at the back of her head, pressing their mouths together.

He tasted of wine.  Her skin tingled from his evening beard.  Her body was trembling as his lips and tongue claimed more and more of her.    His hand moved from her back to her waist, shifting her until she was sitting on his lap.  Her warmth against him was both torment and full of promise.  Their lips met again with a tenderness and patience neither expected.  Longing, arousal and expectation fed the growing need inside each of them.  The kiss deepened pulling them closer to the release their joining promised.  Breaking the kiss, her lips moved to an area just below his chin.  His throat vibrated when he moaned, voicing his pleasure at her touch.  Cold air replaced her lips and his eyes opened at her stillness. 

Gasping his hands she stood, waiting for him to join her.  In her bedroom, she turned on the lamp by her bedside.  Quick, brief kisses fanned the desire between them as she removed the remainder of their clothing.   The scent of lust, lotion and cologne filled the space between them as roughened flesh ghosted over silken skin. 

Do not rely completely on any one human being, however dear.  We meet all of life’s greatest tests alone.  Agnes McPhail

Todd entered the living area, his gaze locked on Evangeline sitting on the ottoman as she stared out the apartment windows, her hair still damp from their shower.   She sat in the same place as last night her body curled around a pillow, holding it so tightly it had changed shape.     He was sure she was aware of him as he sat down behind her.  Wrapping his arm around her he rested his chin against her back.

One of them had to ask the question, so he did.  “Have you decided to live?”

“Go home to Blair and your children.”  She replied in a soft voice. 

“You need me.”

“No,  I need to be who I was before I came to Llanview.”

“Who were you?”

Evangeline slowly unwrapped herself from around the pillow pushing it and him away.  She stood and walked to where her robe lay on a chair.  Putting it on she tied the belt and turned to face him.

“Evangeline Williamson, AGAW.”

“AGAW?”

“A Grown Ass Woman, who can take care of herself.”

--the end--