Lesson Learned

Ciel had long ago accepted that he was forever doomed to be the “just friends” guy.

He hadn’t been an attractive child growing up. It seemed like everything negative that affected young children to young adults physically occurred to him. By the 5th grade he towered over his classmates and was made fun of for being a giraffe but by the 9th grade he had long stopped growing and became known as the “midget.”

His face had been riddled with acne from age 13 till 20 which affected his confidence and any romantic social life he could’ve hoped to salvage. Even without the acne he wasn’t a striking guy, just average, a little below in his eyes. So rather than chasing girls way out of his league, he just became their friend. The guy they never took seriously and always came to for advice. They’d playfully shove him at his suggestive remarks and say “You’re so funny.”

Yeah, he had long ago accepted that he was doomed to be the “just friends” guy.

                                                                           ***

“I don’t understand him.”

I don’t understand you.

That’s what he wanted to say but instead he pretended to listen and nod sympathetically as he watched his friend, Jade, animatedly tell her latest tragic tale dealing with her boyfriend of three years. It was that that he didn’t understand. The entire time he knew Jade, her boyfriend was always cheating on her. Sometimes she found out, sometimes not but she had a pattern she’d always follow. Call him up crying and asking him to meet her at the local coffee joint where she then proceeded to vent about everything wrong with the guy. Only to flip it and defend the asshole when Ciel tried to place his own input. If she didn’t want his opinion he didn’t know why she asked. Hanging out with mostly women all his life did not give him an automatic pass that made him understand them.

Still, he liked being around Jade. When she wasn’t moping over her loser boyfriend she was a vibrant and smart person to be around. He couldn’t understand that either. Why would someone cheat on Jade? Jade was the type of girl who everyone either wanted to be, wanted to be friends with, or wanted to be with. It never went to her head though. She fell into a more bohemian lifestyle and that difference made her even more popular even outside of high school.

Jade was the type of girl he hated because he knew he never stood a chance.

It seemed pretty obvious that he’d have feelings for her. Of course like a cliché love story everyone knew except the girl. He suspected she knew, but played it off like every other woman in his life. His eyes fell upon the napkin she was doodling on during her raving. Intricate designs decorated the corner of the napkin and he felt it was a shame that it’d just be going into the trash. Jade was a wonderful artist, but frankly he thought her talent was being squandered by the asshole she claimed she loved.

Nope, still didn’t understand it.

“Ciel?”

He looked up and met her eyes. Something in his stomach fluttered before dying down. “Huh?”

“I asked what you thought.”

His fingers tapped against the cup of his coffee. She was anxious for his answer but he took his time. He brought the cigarette he was been smoking to his lips and inhaled deeply once more before reaching over and smashing it the ashtray in the middle of the table. He mentally debated whether just playing the supportive friend role and giving her the answer that she wanted to hear, that her boyfriend wasn’t cheating and it was probably all just a misunderstanding, or being up front about it and confirming her suspicions. In the end he decided to go with the second option, never one to hold his tongue even if a verbal lashing was in store for him.

“I told you so.”

                                                                               ***

The pounding on his door was insistent and he was pissed off. Who the hell would be at his door at twelve AM? He only got out of bed because whoever was on the other side the door refused to leave. So he was forced to pull his saggy pants up over his boxers, not bothering with a shirt, and carry his ass to his front door. He flicked the porch light on unable to see in the inky blackness of the night. It was raining outside, pouring harder than he had seen in a long time, but he still managed to see her. He’d always be able to see her.

His hands flew quicker than he ever thought possible. Turning and clicking open all the locks on his door before swinging it open with more force than necessary.

“Jade?”

Her eyes were red, but that wasn’t what bothered him the most. What bothered him the most was the slightly raised dark mark on the side of her usually smooth cheek. She was holding herself as though trying to protect herself from something. Her hair and clothes were thoroughly soaked through. He didn’t see a car and suspected she had ran through the intense weather to get there. His fist clenched in barely restrained rage, it was only her small looking figure that prevented him from going to her house and possibly committing a crime. She looked at him under dark lashes briefly before they flicked to the side in what he assumed was shame.

“Don’t say I told you so, Ciel.”

He couldn’t even if he wanted to. Instead he just followed his first impulse and pulled her by her shoulders into the house and into his arms caring little for the fact that she was dripping on his floor and getting him wet as well. He buried his face into the side her neck and just held on. Her arms crept after a few second and embraced him fiercely as well. That’s when he felt the warm contrast of her tears from the cool rain against his shoulder.

He swore if some higher power ever gave him the chance, he would treat this woman right with everything he had in him.
          
                                                                         ***

“Jade!”

“He’s out there again.”

His eyes narrowed at her words as he observed her sitting by the window watching her ex-boyfriend flail around the front yard calling out for her. The guy had been coming by everyday for the past week, ever since that night. Every day he brought a gift, sometimes flowers, cards, candy, the whole nine yards. The guest room where she was staying was filling up with the stuff. It bothered him that she didn’t throw any of it away.

He stood there in the doorway for the longest time. Wishing, hoping that she would look away from her past and possibly to her future. She never did. Being weakened by the extravagant gifts and pretty words, she was falling back into his trap once more.

“Maybe I should go talk to him.”

He wanted to shake her. Do something to make her wake up to the reality of her situation. Of the never ending cycle that she was too blind to see. But he couldn’t, because she wouldn’t listen to him and would accuse him of not seeing the good in people. They would fight and that was the last thing he wanted to do with her. She didn’t even wait for his response. On her feet and brushing past him without a second glance, she was out his door and back into the arms of someone so undeserving. He always saw her. He’d always be able to see her.

But she never saw him.

                                                                         ***

She thought he didn’t see the marks. There wasn’t enough make-up in the world to cover up what she was enduring to him. He could always see right through her. But she never came to him, not like that one night. The excuses she gave him were laughable but he accepted them just to be in her life.

Even so, gradually she began disappearing. Not in a physical sense but she was no longer Jade. Once he could describe Jade like a painting. Bright with multiple colors that drew you in and kept you interested with its twist and turns. Now he didn’t know how to describe Jade. She was flat. Her hair no longer kept neat and her posture now hunched. Her stride no longer carried the confidence of the popular girl who didn’t give a damn if she fit in.

It ripped at his heart. No words could form on his tongue to comfort her, to heal to her cracking soul. Never had he felt so helpless, or angry.

That was when he couldn’t stand aside any longer. 

                                                                              ***

Jade’s boyfriend was not a small man by any means. He was taller, and obviously in shape. If he was in his right mind and wasn’t blinded by love he would have turned on his heel and ran for the mountains. But he didn’t, he couldn’t. All he could see was the bruises that Jade hissed at whenever they touched something or the marks on her neck she subconsciously brought her hand up to cover. So he felt no fear standing before this man because in his eyes, he was weak.

Brandon eyed him, obviously not pleased that his territory was being invaded but put on a mask of pleasantness regardless probably in an attempt to hide his actions.

“What’s up, Ciel?”

“I know what you’re doing.”

Brandon pretended to be surprised, like he didn’t know what Ciel was talking about but Ciel would see the darkness storming behind his eyes.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about man.”

Ciel stepped closer. His eyes flickered to the open door behind Brandon searching for a sign of her. He didn’t see anything and brought his gaze back to the taller man.

“I know what you’re doing, B. And you’re going to stop. I’m taking her with me,” his voice was low and deadly calm, betraying none of the raging emotions beneath his surface.

Brandon’s face instantly twisted in a scowl at those words. “I’d like to see you try.”

He swung.

Ciel had never been in a fight before, more of a lover than a fighter. So he let his instincts guide him and was satisfied when his fist met the side of Brandon’s face with sickening crunch. Brandon stumbled back holding the side of his face clearly in shock that he, the average, “just friend” guy had hit him and by the looks of it well if the blood trailing from the side of Brandon’s mouth was any indication.

“You done fucked up now.”

He didn’t have time to defend himself. Before he even realized Brandon had moved he had already been struck in the face three times. He could taste the metallic flavor of blood on his tongue and the warmth of it making it’s from down from his nose. Though dazed, he ducked Brandon’s next punch and tackled him pushing him further into the house and landing on the glass table in the middle of the living room. The glass shattered, a few pieces digging into the skin of his arms but that was nothing compared to the damage Brandon had taken. His eyes were fluttering widely as though attempting to register the pain. Ciel slowly stood with a grunt. His knees were shaking whether from adrenaline, pain, or fear, maybe all three.

“What the hell!?”

He carried his gaze from the fallen Brandon, who had still yet to move, to Jade standing in the doorway from the hall.

“Jade…”

“What did you do, Ciel!?”

He almost wanted to curse her when she ran to Brandon’s side. She pushed him up, gasping at the gashes that cut up along his back and pieces of glass embedded. Brandon hissed as he sat up before taking deep breaths to cope with the pain. Cielwatched as Jade fretted over Bradon only to be pushed to the floor into the glass. He could see small bits biting into her skin.

He took a step towards her. “Jade.”

She met his eyes with a hateful glare. Her hands clenched up into fist taking in glass and digging them further into her skin.

“Just get out.”

“Ja-“

“Get the fuck out!”

She threw a handful of broken glass at him. They fell to the floor like his heart. Everything he did, he did for her. Why couldn’t she see that? Why couldn't she see that he was best for her? A darkness seeped into his heart and he started to despise her.

“Fine,” he spat turning and proceeding to limp out the house.

He didn’t get far.

“Brandon no!”

The noise came after. He felt the exploding pain of a projectile digging into his lower back before everything went black.

                                                                            ***

“Ciel…”

He was floating. There was nothing but him and a white plain. His eyes were closed but he could still see his surroundings. There was nothing there, no noise or pain. Or so he thought.

“Ciel…”

Who was calling him? The voice made something in his stomach turn oddly. He frowned. He didn’t want to be disturbed. It was nice here, like he was in a giant body of water without a care in the world. He didn’t want to leave if he could help it.

“Please…”

But the voice calling to him sounded sad. So sad that he couldn’t get away and ignore it. He still couldn’t open his eyes though. Something was preventing him from doing so. He became frantic. Struggling against the nothingness that before comforted him was now suffocating him.

“I’m sorry.”

Then it was over. His eyes were open staring at more whiteness that was tinted grey from lack of light. It was dark around him and for that he was grateful. The little light that came from the corner somewhere was bright enough. A cough bubbled up from his chest and escaped his mouth racking his body and making him grunt in pain.

“Ciel!”

She was there in his face, hovering above him with red-rimmed eyes and dark circles. It looked like she hadn’t slept in days. Her hands came up and gently settled on the sides of his face. The cool touch of her fingers was comforting. Briefly he wondered if he was dreaming again.

“Jade?”

Her lips broke into a grin and she nodded in affirmative.

“I was so worried…” she croaked trailing her fingers up his face to his hair and back before completely sliding away to his disappointment.

He turned his head to see her when she sat back down in a chair beside him. It was then he realized where he was. He was in a hospital, a rather nice one. The room was small but enough to accommodate basic necessities. The light from before was coming from the cracked door of his room. Ciel’s brows knitted in confusion.

“What happened?”

Jade’s face darkened. “He shot you.”

“Who?”

“Brandon.”

“Oh…”

“It’s my fault.”

Part of him wanted to agree. Berate her for being so stupid and not listening to any of the advice he gave her. But he couldn’t do it because he was simply happy that she was there by his side and looking at only him. She looked exhausted. Her hair was done in two messy braids, and the clothes she wore were two sizes too big for her. He wondered if she stayed with him while…

“Wait. How long was I out?”

She dropped her eyes then, looking to the floor and began to gently chew her lip. omething she did when she was nervous about something.

“Two weeks.”

“What? Two fucking weeks?”

A nod. “They said something about you’re brain not connecting. I couldn’t understand it but they said talking to you could stimulate it. Make you come back to me…”

His face soften at those words. Despite the pain, he attempted to move but couldn’t. His arms were cooperating and helping him lift up in the bed but his lower half was unresponsive. His breath caught in his throat as he looked at his blanketed legs. Mentally he willed his feet to move, twitch, something but nothing occurred. His eyes quickly went back to Jade who looked at him with fear, fear that mirrored his own.

“Jade…am I…What…”

“They…they said you might not…”

Ciel blocked out the rest of the words. He knew before she even said anything. She tried to comfort him and tell him that perhaps therapy could help him regain some mobility but it didn’t work. All he could think now was that he was even more useless than before. It was funny in a cruel way. Now he’d be the crippled friend. A bitter laugh tried to escape his mouth only to be choked on. He squeezed his eyes shut tightly, silently willing everything away.

“Ciel...”

“Don’t Jade. Its not going to be okay so don’t fucking say it. Shit!”

She fell silent. He didn’t know how long they sat there with nothing but the sound of an occasional nurse walking by. He didn’t know what she was thinking about, and at the moment he didn’t care. So deep in his own self pity he couldn’t think of how she felt. Her own guilt eating away at her. When she shifted, he didn’t look at her again.

“I’ll come back tomorrow.”

He scowled. “I don’t want your pity.”

Slim fingers curled around his chin and jerked his face to look at the distraught Jade. She didn’t release his face, rather she gripped it harder to keep him from turning away.

“Just fucking stop, I’m not pitying you. Damn it Ciel, you don’t understand. I almost lost you to that crazy bastard. It felt like everything crumbled from under me but you’re alive. You’re here with me and I feel like…I got a second chance. We got a second chance. I love you Ciel and I will keep coming back. You can’t push me away when I finally see what’s in front of me…”

He was speechless. His tongue felt dry and he didn’t know what words to say even if he could form them. Despite his situation he was happy, happier than he had been in a long time and if it took a damn bullet to let him get to this point well…he didn’t mind it so much. He’d be damn if he took another one though, that shit hurt. She was waiting for his response, he could see the anxiousness in her eyes and almost wanted to make her squirm a bit more. But he had waited so long to hear those words that he couldn’t help his next from spilling forth.

“I love you too, Jade.”

Even in her ragged state, the smile he received in response was beautiful. He slowly brought his arm up, his fingers trailing the side of her face before sliding to her neck and gently he pulled her forward. Her fingers dropped from his chin and lay softly on his shoulders. Their lips brushed against another, hesitate, but with another brush he slate his lips more firmly against hers and kissed her with all of him possible. Her fingers clenched and unclenched on his shoulders and he felt them tremble. He would have laughed if he didn’t realize he was trembling too from the sheer emotion of a single kiss. It was simple. It was just a sweet but deep kiss that was a promise of many more to come.

They parted. Jade released a soft sigh of warm air against his lips and opened her large brown eyes to gaze into his. His own half-lidded ones stared back, trying to probe her soul. His lips quirked into a smile

“About damn time.”

That did prompt a shaky laugh from her. She pressed another, more quick but affectionate kiss against his mouth.

“I’m sorry it took so long. Lesson learned.”

                                                                              ***

Ciel had long ago accepted that he was forever doomed to be the “just friends” guy.

Or at-least that's what he used to think and even if he was still that type of guy he didn’t care so much anymore. Because the one woman he wanted to see him was finally seeing just him.

And that was more enough.

                                                                         The End