She stared down into the foggy ravine below her. She held on to the jagged rocks knowing the inevitable was coming. Her grip tightened as she clung to the side of the mountain. It was useless. Her fingers started to slide off the rocks. She frantically flailed trying to grab a hold to the rocks but it only made her lose her footing. This was it. She was falling fast. Too fast to even scream.  Falling into something unexpected. Something potentially painful. Something she didn’t understand. 

"You only to stay with me in the morning

You only hold me when I sleep"

He stroked her cheek feeling her flinch at his touch. She must’ve been dreaming. He rested his chin on his other hand continuing to watch her sleep staring at her plump lips, round nose and high, chubby cheeks. He could get used to this. Used to going to bed with her, holding through the nights and waking up next to her. If only she’d let him.

After seven months of seeing each other this was only the fourth time she’d slept over. She usually left the night before or slipped out while he slept. And he rarely slept over at her house. Maybe he was moving too fast. He didn’t want to scare her off but he needed to know where she stood. She never referred to him as her boyfriend. She only nodded and smiled when he called her his girlfriend.  He didn’t want to seem pushy but her distance was beginning to hurt him.

He kissed her forehead lightly. He wanted to build something with this woman but they couldn’t until they had some sort of foundation, specifically a definition of how she felt.

 “I was meant to tread the water
But now I've gotten in too deep” 

Her eyes suddenly popped open. She sat up breathing heavily. He sat up with her.

“You alright?” He asked brushing her braids off of her damp shoulder.

“I’m alright.” She answered looking around the room. Bright sunlight cascaded through the windows. She rubbed her eyes. Shit, it was morning. She had planned on sneaking out after he’d fell asleep.

She threw the heavy covers back swinging her legs over the side of the bed where her rumpled clothes lay in a pile on the beige carpet. She bent down reaching for her jeans on the top of the pile.

He got out of bed pulling on his boxers. “You’re leaving.” He stated as a fact rather than a question.

She buttoned her jeans. “Yeah, I should be getting home.”

“Relax it’s Saturday morning, you don’t have to go to work.”

 “For every piece of me that wants you
Another piece backs away” 

She pulled her shirt over her head cursing herself for not leaving sooner. It’s not that she wanted to avoid him. Quite the opposite, she loved being around him. He was handsome, smart, funny and a little nerdy, the epitome of her dream man. He called her his girlfriend and for some unfathomable reason to her he enjoyed being around her.  He hadn’t dropped the “L” bomb yet but she was sure he would soon. That was his mistake. She didn’t want some made up concept called “love” in her life. Things were getting too heavy and the longer she stayed with him the more it would hurt when it ended. Hurt them both. And it would end, because all good things did.

 “You give me something
That makes me scared alright” 

She was doing it again. Pushing him away.  “Why do you always have to go?’ he asked candidly. He was fed up with wondering if he was only person feeling something in this relationship or if what they had could even be called a relationship.

She turned to him startled by his question. She knew this talk was going to come sooner or later, she’d just hoped it would be later.

“Um, I just have some things to do at home.” She fumbled through her words.

He scoffed not believing her. “You always leave for no real reasons.”

“But I come back.” She said defending herself. True, she left him but she always came back. He couldn’t just overlook that.

“Why? Tell me why you comeback.”

She gazed down at the carpet. “You know why.” She muttered.

That was not the answer he wanted to hear. “That’s the best you can do? And no, I don’t know why and apparently neither do you.”  He fumed. He stared at her more hurt than angry.

 “I never thought that I'd love someone
That was someone else's dream” 

She’d give anything for this conversation to end. Her instinct was flight not fight. But she didn’t want whatever they had to end. She knew she was breaking his heart but she didn’t mean to, honestly.  

“And the words that I could never say
Are gonna come out anyway”

She knew what he wanted to hear from her. But how could she bring herself to say the words? If she said them now things would only go down hill from here. Why couldn’t he understand that “love” would just ruin the good thing they had?

“Wanna know how I feel about you?” He asked interrupting her thoughts.

“I love you. I do. And I think you might feel the same but you just don’t want to.”

She winced hearing him say that. “I-I” she stuttered.

“I should go.” She said grabbing her shoes without putting them on.

He sighed heavily as she brushed past him heading into the living room. For once he was glad she was leaving. He didn’t want her to see the tears threatening to spill from his eyes.

They reached the door.

“See you later?” She asked turning the knob. Stupid question, he probably never wanted to see her again. Not that she blamed him.

“Goodbye.” He said quietly closing the door behind her.

She stood in hallway in silence. The loud clicking of the lock broke the stillness.

“I love you too.” She mumbled against his door. She wiped away a tear and headed off. She’d come back. If he’d let her.

 “Please give me something
Because, someday I might know my heart” 

FIN