The rain beat her window as she looked out of it, peering down at the street below. She was looking at the rain trying to count as many raindrops as she could. She did not notice me looking at her from across the street. My window was directly across from hers. I stared at her brown skin; it looked as smooth as peanut butter and had a creaminess that resembled whipped butter. Marva Mallory was her name. She had been my neighbor for fifteen years.


He keeps staring at me. I wonder what he is thinking of. He always stares at me through his window. One time I caught him watching me get undressed. The next day on the school bus I asked him if he liked what he saw. He gave me a blank stare and turned his head away. I took that as a yes. Rick Collins is his name and he’s a loner. He doesn’t talk to anyone. I see him writing all the time so I guess he wants to be a writer. That fits him perfectly. Aren’t most writers loners?
------------------------------------------------

The next day as I walk to the bus stop I see Marva standing there. She is wearing a purple and yellow striped sweater, with a denim mini skirt. Her legs are long and toned and seem to compliment her outfit. I watch as she picks lint off her left purple sock. Her green Chuck Taylors are three weeks old so they still look new. Her buttery skin beam’s with light even on this dreary day.
For some reason I step outside myself when I say, “Hi”, to her. She stops picking the lint from her sock and looks up at me with deep brown eyes, “Hi, Rick”, she answers back. 
Surprised by my sudden boldness in speaking first and by the fact that she still remembers my name, I ask, “You know my name?”. 
“Of course I know your name. We’ve been neighbors since we were three.” 
“Right”, I say quietly. 
She holds my gaze then asks, “How many raindrops do you think I counted yesterday, Rick?” 
“One hundred. You always count to one hundred because that’s your favorite number”, I answer quickly. 
Marva face shows surprise, “How did you know that?”. 
I lower my head embarrassed, “One time I overheard you say that one hundred was your favorite number. I just assumed you would count the raindrops up to your favorite number”. 
“Oh”, says Marva, she looks around before she suddenly asks me, “Hey, you wanna sit next to me on the school bus?” 
“Sure”, I say.


As I board the bus I scope out a place for me and Rick to sit. I find two seats near the back of the bus. The perfect spot. 
“Hey, Marva. I’m lovin’ those Chucks”, says Ronnie Brimstone, flirtatiously. 
“Thanks, Ronnie”, I respond. Ronnie moved over in his seat to signal me to sit next him. But I walk past him. I was going to sit with someone new today. I usually sit next to Ronnie even though I hate it. He spends the entire bus ride trying to discreetly persuade me to be his girlfriend. I don’t want to be his girl at all! I know he’ll just use me as a plaything.
I keep walking to the back toward me and Rick’s seat, passing by friends and haters as I do. I finally plop my booty on the stiff leather and watch as Rick slowly walks toward the seat. He hangs his head and makes no eye contact with anyone. No one even cares to look at him. Everyone knows he’s pitiful and so do I. But I kind of like Rick. I do. He seems very sweet. There is something poetic about him that you don’t find in most boys. And I know he adores me, he’s always watching me. For goodness’s sake, he’s been watching me for as long as I can remember. When he sits down, he does so hesitantly. He looks up at me and smiles, his hazel eyes are thanking me, I can tell. We don’t talk for the entire bus ride; Rick isn’t much of a talker. Sometimes when I look up I see Ronnie looking at us in horror and anger. I know he’s jealous. He’s an ass; I could care less what he feels. We make it to school in about fifteen minutes. 
“On the way home we’ll sit in this seat again. Okay?”, I say as I throw my backpack on. 
“Okay”, Rick says quickly.


I am in disbelief I actually sat next to Marva Mallory on the school bus this morning. And then on the bus ride home we sat next to one another again. Neither of us spoke on either bus ride. I was too scared to say anything. What could I say? “Hey, Marva. Thanks for finally paying attention to me after all these years. I’ve been in love with you since I first saw you playing outside your house fifteen years ago.” She would probably look at me as if I was some kind of stalker. Sometimes I feel like her stalker though. I love watching her! Every move she makes is as fluid as running water. I can’t help but stop and watch as she walks around her window. Sometimes I see her dancing. I don’t think she takes any dance lessons but her graceful and punctual steps are as good as any ballerina I’ve ever seen. When I see her stretching in the morning I get tingly sensations all over my body. Her body is like a sculpture. She is a sculpture. God’s sculpture, one that has a soul .


“See ya tomorrow, Rick”, I say as he walks across the street to his house. 
“Bye”, he says quickly. He rushes into his house, shutting the door without looking back. I sigh and walk towards my front door. As I walk inside I see my pregnant mother sitting on the couch in our living room. She is busy knitting baby socks as she looks and smiles at me. 
“I saw you talking to little Ricky, shocked the hell outta me. You always acted like he never existed.” 
I roll my eyes, “Mom, Rick is eighteen, same as me. He is far from little. And besides I have always acknowledged him.” 
Now it was my mom’s turn to roll her eyes, “When have you ever 'acknowledged' him? Every time you see him you look right through him. Shame he’s such a nice boy and he’s been in love with you since you all were small. His Mom and I were just tickled at how smitten he was with you.”
I knew Mom was friends with Rick’s mom, Mrs. Debra. How their friendship never brought Rick and I closer together always puzzled both of them. But I was never as 'smitten' with Rick as he was with me. He was always so shy and introverted; the total opposite of me. I like to be around people more like myself; fun and outgoing.
“Mom I doubt he’s in love with me. Just infatuation is all it is. And I’m not surprised, I mean look at me! I am all That!” I laugh.
Mom couldn’t help but smile. “Girl, I’m through with you”, she said shaking her head. “Now go upstairs and clean your room. You may be all That, but your room sure isn’t”.


I know I looked like a complete idiot the way I practically ran into my house after me and Marva got off the bus. But I couldn’t help it. I was so afraid that I would say or do something stupid in front of her. Today was the most she has ever spoken to me. I am in a complete shock. She always ignores me, always. Even when I would come over to her house with my Mom. “Hey”, was all she would say and then go on about her business.
I can’t help but wonder why today she decided to sit next to me. Maybe she wanted to make Ronnie Brimstone angry. On the bus to school I noticed how he kept looking back at us. His face was red with anger and God knows I prayed he didn’t come back there and beat the hell out of me. I know he wants Marva to be his girl; he’s been trying since freshman year. But no matter how hard he tries Marva keeps refusing and I can’t help but feel good about that.
As I walk upstairs to my room, my Mom is coming downstairs carrying some laundry.
“Hey Rick, how was school?” 
“Pretty good”, I say. She stops and gives me a kiss on the cheek and then keeps on down the stairs. As I walk into my bedroom I throw my bag onto the floor and lay down on the bed. While I stare at the ceiling, I replay all the events that took place that day between me and Marva. I thought about her smile, her special fragrance, and the way her dark brown hair fell around her shoulders. God, she was beautiful. I would give anything to be with her. But I know she would never want me. Just because she displayed some kindness today, for whatever reason, I know she still looks at me as the weird boy from across the street.

After dinner I walked upstairs to my bedroom. My parents and I had just finished a lengthy dinner conversation about what I plan to do after I graduate from high school. My parents have reluctantly come to terms with the fact that I have no interest in college. I told them back in junior year that I wasn’t going. It took them months of trying to persuade me otherwise for them to finally realize that I was not going to change my mind. But in spite of that they are still trying to convince me to get some kind of career training.

I woke up to the sound of my alarm clock screaming at me. I turn over in bed and swat the alarm’s off button with my hand. I sit up and rub my eyes trying to remove the rheum that had crusted there. I sit on the bed staring blankly at my wall before I get up and head into my private bathroom to clean up.

I scan over Rick’s writings, trying to decide which one I want to read first. As I flip through the pages one title catches my eye, “Forever Gone”. I pick it up and begin to read.

To say Mom was happy about my choosing the University of Pennsylvania would have been an understatement. She was so ecstatic when I told her my decision when she got back home from work last night. She dropped her briefcase and pulled me into a bear hug before running in her heels to the phone and calling my Grandma Marion to tell her the news. They yelled happily with each other until my Mom gave me the phone so I could listen to Grandma Marion exclaim about how proud she was of me, over and over.

I sat as my Mom brought me my breakfast, a plate stacked with blueberry pancakes. My favorite!

“Of course. Come on.” Rick smiles softly and smoothes down his clothes. Checking himself in the mirror to make sure he looks presentable before we head out the door.

We are sitting in Marva’s room after school, talking and kissing. But mostly kissing.
“I still can’t believe this Marva”, I gasp out as we kiss.

“Mmmm, I can’t either”, she answers while running her small hands through my hair.

We kiss for a few more minutes until Marva finally pulls away. Smiling at me she stands up.

“I have to go to the bathroom real quick.”

“Okay”, I say still dazed from our tongue aerobics.

I lay back on Marva’s bed amazed at how much me and Marva’s relationship has changed. Yesterday, I talked to her about my dad. Something I have never done with anyone. I don’t even talk about him with Mom. I was so overcome with emotion as I recalled that day he took his life. And Marva made herself a shoulder to cry on. It felt so wonderful being wrapped in her arms. The warmth of her body and her soothing words consoling me. When she leaned down to kiss me that had to be the most wonderful moment in my life. Fifteen years of longing and love was spoken in the way I kissed her back. And if she had not have stopped me while we dry humped on the bed, I would have definitely made love to her. Even though I’m a virgin, my passion for her would have made me make love to her thoroughly until she screamed my name in release.

After a great dinner with Marva’s family, I went home as happy as ever. Sleeping one of the most wonderful sleeps I’ve ever had. Mom noticed my good mood this morning and asked me what had gotten my spirits so lifted. I shook my head and just said “nothing” while smiling like a Cheshire cat. Carl and Jose asked me the same thing at school and I answered them the same way.

I was practically on cloud nine when Marva asked me to come to her house as we got off the school bus. After finishing some homework, we talked a little before her lips met mine.

Marva walks back into the room and sits down on the bed. She gives me a quick kiss on the cheek.

“So what is this thing between us, Marva?” I didn’t want to pressure Marva into anything but I just had to know where this new connection was heading.

“I’m not sure”, Marva sighs heavily. “Let’s just take it slow and see where it goes.”

“Um, well yesterday Ronnie Brimstone threatened me on the bus. He said I should back off of you.” I was hesitant to tell Marva this, but I felt it was best before something happened.

“What?!”Marva exclaims. “I can’t believe him! That…that jerk! How dare him!”

“I know, I’m sorry”

“No! You don’t have anything to be sorry about! Damn, why won’t Ronnie just leave me alone? He’s the one that needs to back off!”

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Yeah”, Marva huffs out.

“Why is Ronnie so determined to make you his girlfriend?”

Marva sighs heavily before standing up to walk around some. She looks out her window then walks over to her plush chair to sit.

“I’m not sure. He asked me out freshman year and I told him no. I guess he must have thought I wasn’t ready to date anyone yet. But as time went on and I still kept refusing him, he started taking it very personal. I guess he’s punishing me by intimidating or beating up guys he knows like me. He kind of has a ‘if I can’t have you, no one can’ type of mentality.

I try not letting it get to me. I’m not really that into dating anyways. And besides, once school is over I won’t have to deal with him.”

I nod my head in understanding.

“Now, let’s stop talking about that”, Marva says as she waves her hand at me dismissively.

We sit in silence for several moments, just passing the time with our thoughts.

“Marva?”

Marva looks up at me curiously.

“I want to thank you for being so understanding last night when we talked about my fa…I mean, my Dad.

I thought about him a lot last night and I-I’ve realized that I need to be more understanding towards him.”

“That’s great, Rick. And you’re welcome.”

“I don’t know if I can forgive him though.”

“Don’t say that. My Dad always told me that forgiveness takes time. You may not be able to forgive him know, but one day you’ll reach a point when you’ll be able to.”

I couldn’t help but stare at Marva in amazement.

“How did you get so wise?” I ask.

“Me? Wise?” Marva scoffs. “Please. I’m just repeating what my parents have told me in these kinds of situations. If anyone is wise, it’s them.”

“How’s your Mom’s pregnancy coming along?”

“Great. Even though Mom is eating the weirdest things and she can get really moody.”

We both laugh.

“You never told me if she was having a boy or girl.”

“We don’t know yet. My parents want to find out when the baby’s born.”

“Ah”, I say nodding my head. “So you sure you ready to be a big sister?”

“Hell, yeah!” Marva exclaims. “I even get to name the baby when it’s born.”

“That’s cool. Sometimes I wish my parents would have had another kid. It was kind of lonely growing up.”

“Really, I liked being an only child. Plus, I had plenty of friends to make up for the lack of siblings.”

“Yeah, but I never had any friends except for Carl and Jose.”

Carl, Jose, and I have been friends since elementary school. They, like me, are basically ‘nobodies’ at school. But no one could ask for better friends. They have seen me through it all. Getting teased, being bullied, being in love with Marva, and of course my Dad’s suicide. But Carl and Jose are really suspicious of Marva suddenly befriending me. ‘Why now?’ they keep asking. And unfortunately I can’t really answer it.

I notice that Marva is now standing in front of me, staring down at me. She straddles my lap and wraps her arms around my neck.

I stare into her eyes as she stares into mine. I wrap my arms tightly around her waist and pull her closer as I connect my lips with hers.

After Rick had left I thought about our new ‘connection’. I had no idea where it was headed or if I was going to let it continue. I don’t even know what it really is. Rick was sweet and I really liked him but I still had my doubts. Though I had to admit he was an awesome kisser. His kisses took me to a whole new world, they we so passionate and consuming. And I knew they manifested his real feelings for me.

I walk over to my laptop and pull up a playlist. This one is my dance playlist and like the title suggests, includes songs that I can dance to. I dance until my heart’s content before heading down to dinner.

Dinner was a nice meal of chicken breast, brown rice, and asparagus. Mom has been keeping it simple and healthy since she got pregnant.

“So honey, have you found a date for prom yet?” Mom asks from across the table.

I realize how blessed I am to have the parents that I have. A lot of kids don’t get to enjoy the act of eating dinner with their parents and have engaging conversations with them.

“No, not yet”, I answer.

“Well, what about Rick? I noticed you and him spending a lot of time together lately.”

“Mom, we’re just friends.”

My Mom raises her eyebrow; obviously she’s not buying that.

“Ronnie Brimstone asked me to go with him though.” I feel my mouth hurt while I say those words.

“The star linebacker?” Dad asks his mouth stuffed with chicken.

I nod my head.

“You mean the boy who has been trying to take you out since freshman year and can’t take a hint.”

“Yeah, him”, I grimace. “But I don’t have a lot of options so…”

“My sweetie doesn’t have options?” Dad furrows his brow.

“It’s a long story, honey”, says Mom.

Mom knows all about the Ronnie Brimstone situation. She tries to convince me to stand up to him, but I know that will just make him angrier and more determined.

“Well, you don’t have a lot of time left, sweetie. Choose quickly, but wisely.”

“Your Dad’s right. Don’t do anything you don’t want to do.”

I nod my head in agreement. Even though I have no clue of what I’m going to do. Maybe I could go with Rick. He would be waaaaaaay more pleasant than Ronnie’s cocky ass.

After dinner I head upstairs to prepare for bed. As I lay in bed I seriously ponder asking Rick to prom. I don’t want him to think we’re an official couple but I can’t stand the idea of going with Ronnie. He is the last person I want to be standing next to in my prom picture.

It was Thursday and the day seemed to be going by fast. I was thinking of the surprise picnic I had planned for me and Marva. We were going to skip the school bus and take the local bus to the park. I had everything for the picnic in my locker; the blanket, plastic plates and cups, forks and spoons, and of course food. I had made salami sandwiches (Marva’s favorite) and a fruit salad the night before, I even packed a couple of Pepsi’s. I had stored the food in a small cooler and at the bus stop this morning Marva asked me what was in it.

‘Nothing’, I had told her. She looked at me suspiciously before letting it go.

Me, Carl, and Jose sat in study hall going over notes from Calculus. We had been studying quietly for about fifteen minutes without really talking. I had a really pressing issue on my mind and I wanted to ask their advice.

“I-I was thinking of asking Marva to go to prom with me.”

Carl and Jose look up at me as if I were crazy.

“W-What are you crazy?! There is no way in hell that she is going to say yes!” Jose exclaims.

“Well, thanks for being supportive”, I say sarcastically.

“He doesn’t mean it like that, Rick”, Carl jumps in. “It’s just…Well, we’ve been watching you for the past couple of weeks and we admit you do seem happier. The girl you’ve been in love with since you were three has finally noticed you. But why, Rick? Why now? Why not years ago?”

“Why are guys being so cynical? Maybe she just wanted to get to know me after all these years?”

“That girl has known you for years, Rick. What is she getting out of being your friend? Girls like her only look out for themselves”, Jose says.

“I-I talked to her about my Dad! And she comforted me while I cried in her arms! She helped me come to terms with his suicide. No one has done that, not even you guys”, I spat out angrily.

Carl and Jose glance at each other and didn’t speak for several moments.

“Rick”, Carl sighs. “We are just looking out for you. We don’t want her to use you, and then ditch you.”

“Me and Marva we’re really connecting now. We made out. We’ve been making out a lot lately. I don’t know what it means, but I know she has some kind of feelings for me.”

I sit back in my chair angrily. I hate to be angry at Carl and Jose, but I just want them to be happy for me.

“Has she said she wants you to be her boyfriend?” Jose asks.

“No.”

“Has she even vocalized any feelings she has for you?”

“No”, I breathe out.

“Rick, if you feel it’s right, then ask her out to prom. Me and Jose just want you to be careful.”

“I know”, I sigh.

“No hard feelings?” Jose asks with a smile.

“Never”, I smile back.

We get back to our Calculus homework and put the Marva discussion behind us.

As the bell rings I make my way out of homeroom. Rick told me to meet him at the local bus stop after school. He says it’s a surprise and I have to admit I am a little excited.

“Hey, don’t forget I’m coming over to your place around five, okay”, Amber calls out to me from her locker.

“Alright”, I call back.

I make my way to the doors when a strong hand grabs my arm and whirls me around. I am about to let out a slew of curse words at the grabber when I recognize the face of Ronnie.

“Where you headed?” he asks rubbing his calloused hand up and down my arm.

“Why do you care?” I ask saucily.

“The doors to the school bus are the other way”, he says.

“I’m going out with a friend.”

Ronnie furrows his brows before shaking his curly, brown head.

“Careful, Marva. You don’t want to get Rick fucked up.”

“Ronnie, leave me alone and mind your business”, I say as I snatch my arm from his grasp. I am beyond disgusted now.

Ronnie narrows his eyes at me before giving me a smile that doesn’t reach his green eyes. “Tomorrow, I want my answer, babe.”

“Whatever”, I huff before turning and marching out of the steel doors.

I meet up with Rick at the local bus stop. I notice he’s carrying the same cooler he had this morning.

“Hey”, I say trying to hide my flustered look.

“Hi”, Rick smiles.

We don’t talk much and when the bus comes we board and Rick pays for both of our fares. We sit in silence as the bus moves along and we aren’t riding for more than a few minutes before Rick pulls the cord.

We hop off the bus and I notice we are in front of a park. Now I’m even more confused. We walk through the park until we reach a huge tree that casts shade for yards. Rick pulls out a checkered blanket from his backpack and spreads it on the ground.

“It was my Dad’s”, he says as he begins to take out food from the cooler. I sit down on the blanket as Rick arranges everything. He pulls out sandwiches, fruit salad, and some Pepsi’s.

“I know you like Coke best. But I only had Pepsi at home”, Rick says apologetically.

“That’s fine”, I smile. How did I ever overlook Rick? He’s the guy most girls dream of.

“Rick, this is really sweet of you. You really didn’t have too”, I gush.

“I wanted to, Marva”, he eyes me warmly.

As we dig in to the sandwiches and salad we talk casually about current events, music, and school.

“How does it feel being so popular?” Rick asks as he pops a watermelon slice into his mouth.

“I don’t know really. Everyone seems to know you and like you. But that’s about it.”

“You’ve got to be kidding”, Rick says. “You’re Marva Mallory; all the girls in school want to be you!”

“I don’t know about that”, I say.

“I’m serious. You’re the most popular girl in school and the most popular boy in school wants you as his girlfriend. The only girl at school who even comes close to you is Amber.”

I shrug my shoulders. “The only people who look up to us are losers. They’re too lame to see that us, “the popular kids”, aren’t that much different from them.”

 “I put on the popular front for them”, I say. “You know, the haughtiness and such.

Rick nods his head in understanding.

“Marva?” I look Rick in his warm, hazel eyes.

“You are so beautiful. I’ve had the biggest crush on you since we were small. I admire, respect, but most of all I-I love you M-Marva.”

I stare at Rick in amazement. I open my mouth to respond but he quiets me by placing his finger on my lips.

“No, don’t say anything. I know you may not be ready for a relationship with me. But I just want you to know how I feel. I just want us to be together.”

I continue to stare at Rick and for a second he looks as if he is about to continue talking, but instead he takes a swig of his Pepsi and remains silent.

***~~~***

I open the door to my room, and me and Rick walk over to my bed. After our picnic I invited Rick over to my house. I did so hesitantly though. After what Rick revealed to me I didn’t want to lead him on. I am flattered by his feelings towards me but I’m not ready to reciprocate.

We sit down and without thinking I lean towards him and kiss him. ‘What are you doing?’ I think. But I push the doubt out of my mind as I rub my tongue against his. Damn, I like this.

Just then the door swings open.

“Hey Mar…”, Amber says staring in amazement at me and Rick.

Me and Rick pull away quickly from each other as Amber continues to look at us in shock. Rick jumps up and quickly grabs his things before heading towards the door.

“I-I’ll s-see you later”, he sputters before walking around Amber and heading out the door.

As I hear Rick rush down the stairs, Amber crosses her arms while staring at me. Damn, we’ve been busted!

“Uh, what the hell was that?” Amber asks still staring at me.

“Amber don’t start”, I say defensively.

“Marva, you cannot have a relationship with Rick Collins!” Amber walks over to the bed and stands in front of me.

“Why the hell not?”

“Because you’re Marva Mallory! Top girl at Central Bucks and future prom queen!”

“Amber you know I don’t care about that stuff”, I say shaking my head.

“But it matters, Marva. You have a reputation to uphold. Do you really want to go be known as the prom queen who is dating a freak?”

I stand up and look Amber straight in the eyes. I speak calmly but Amber takes a few steps back, anyway. “Rick is not a freak. He’s a great guy who isn’t full of himself. He’s honest, caring, and I like him. I really like him.”

Amber hold up her hands. “Marva, I’m your best friend who’s just trying to look out for you.”

“Right, you’re my best friend and I would expect you to be happy for me.”

“Marva. You’re a beautiful, smart, and outgoing girl. Okay, so Rick’s a nice guy. But he’s also awkward, lonesome, and terribly shy. If you guys get together, how long is it really going to last? You two are more different than alike.

High school is all about status. What level are you lowering yourself to by going out with Rick?” Amber shrugs her shoulders before sitting down on the bed.

“Just think it through, okay,” Amber pleads.

“Alright”, I sigh as I sit down next to her.

“So, what hairstyle are you going to wear?” Amber asks trying to lighten up the mood.

“I’m thinking a chignon or a French braid. Let’s look up some hairstyles online.” I power on my laptop as Amber runs her fingers through my relaxed hair.

“Hey, how ‘bout we wear the same hairstyle?” she asks.

I shrug my shoulders as we look through images of braids and updo’s.

After about twenty minutes of searching and viewing all the styles you could imagine, I come to a decision.

“Let’s both wear chignons but have them styled differently”, I suggest.

“Cool”, Amber agrees. “I’ll set up our appointments at the salon.”

For the rest of Amber’s stay we talk about school, Syracuse University, and of course, prom.

“Well, I’m going to go now”, Amber says as we both stand up.

“Alright, funny bunny.”

“Oh, and think about what I said earlier about Rick.”

“Alright, funny bunny”, I say with my hand on my hip.

After Amber leaves I head down to dinner.

After dinner I get ready for bed. As I lay in bed I think of the ‘advice’ Amber gave me about Rick.

‘High school is all about status. What level are you lowering yourself to by going out with Rick?’ she had said. Unfortunately, she was right. I mean how long would we last? Was there anything really between us? Did I really have feelings for Rick? I asked myself these questions and couldn’t answer. As I thought over it more and more I realized that me and Rick would never have anything together. And I had to quit sending the wrong messages to him.

While I lay there I resolved to put an end to me and Rick’s relationship. I had to buckle down, prom was right around the corner and like Amber had said I had a reputation to uphold.

I reached over and grabbed my cell phone from my nightstand. I quickly dialed Amber’s number. First step, skip the bus.

“Hey”, Amber rushed out in a hushed tone.

“Hey, uh, what are you doing?”

“I’m at Lamar’s.” Lamar Grimes was Amber’s long time boyfriend. He was a wide receiver on our football team and also Ronnie’s best friend. Ironically, Lamar was the complete opposite of Ronnie. He was black, polite, humble, and down to earth.

“Oh, well could you pick me up for school tomorrow?”

“Sure”, Amber says suspiciously.

“Alright, see you in the morning”, I say quickly.

“Okay”, Amber says hesitantly. She wants to know if I’m taking her advice. But she’ll find out soon enough.

As I make my way through the halls of my school I think of Marva. She wasn’t on the school bus this morning. Usually she calls me when she can’t meet up with me. I had only seen her a few times in the hallways today. I wanted to walk up to her but she was always engrossed in conversation with her friends. Usually when she was in her circle, she would look up at me and nod or wave. But today she just kept her head faced on her friends.

I have to admit I am a little scared. I hope I didn’t scare her off yesterday when I poured my heart out to her during our picnic. I know it’s silly to think that, Marva is always honest and open with me about her feelings.

Besides today I’m going to pop the big question to Marva. I want to ask her to go with me to prom. I am beside myself in excitement and something tells me she’ll say yes.

After P.E. I make my way to the locker room. I hate physical exertion and aren’t any good at it. I just want to shower and get back into my regular clothes. As I make my way over to the showers I notice that Ronnie and some of his friends are in the showers as well.

Crap.

They notice and glare at me, especially Ronnie. I keep my head down and walk into a shower stall. I try to clean myself as fast as I can. When I step out of the showers I notice Ronnie and his pack are gone. I quickly dress and make my way to the exit, when I notice Ronnie’s pack guarding the door. Ronnie steps out and approaches me. I want to run, but where can I? The only exit was the one they were blocking.

“I told you to back off. But you just can’t listen can you motherfucker?” Ronnie glares hard at me.

I start to back up but before I can get far Ronnie grabs my shoulders and yanks me towards him. The rest was a blur as Ronnie punches, slaps, and occasionally kicks the crap out of me. The beating goes on for no more than a minute, but when it’s over I am on the floor with my arms shielding my head. I feel blood coming from my nose and lip.

Ronnie stands over me with his fists still clenched. “I hope you got the message, Collins.”

He turns and leaves the locker room with his friends. I painfully stand to my feet and limp to get some paper towels. My whole body hurts and I feel like I want to vomit. At the sink I clean my cuts with water and the paper towels. I clean up as well as I can which isn’t really good. My nose isn’t broken, Thank God. But my lip is busted and I have a bruise under my left eye, which no doubt is going to turn into a shiner. Thank God school is almost over.

“What the hell happened to your face?” Carl exclaims in study hall.

“Ronnie” I groan.

“Jesus, man. He did this because of Marva?” Jose says studying my wounds closely.

“Yeah”, I sigh. “But he won’t scare me. I’m in love Marva and I’m going to ask her to prom today.”

Carl and Jose exchange looks, but know better than to say anything to me. I have always been firm in my decisions.

Jose breaths out a heavy sigh. “Why don’t you come over to my place after school and have my sister clean you up. She’s really good with these types of things.”

“Okay”, I say.

Instead of taking the bus back home I ride to Jose’s house in his car. I try calling Marva to tell her I wouldn’t be on the bus but I don’t get an answer so I just leave a message. When we get to Jose’s house we head up to his sister, Sabrina’s room. Jose lightly knocks on her bedroom door.

“Yeah?” she answers.

“It’s me and Rick.” Jose calls.

“Come in.”

We enter Sabrina’s room and find her sitting on her bed. Sabrina Lopez is twenty-three, who after graduating from college put off medical school to come back home to take care of her and Jose’s sick mother. Sabrina is a beautiful girl, with tanned skinned; waist length, brown hair; and honey colored eyes. After Marva she was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen.

Sabrina looks up at us with her killer smile, which melts away when she sees my face.

“Rick, what happened?” Sabrina’s voice full of concern.

“Uh, some guy beat me up over a girl,” I smirk.

Sabrina shakes her head and walks over to me to examine my wounds.

“Come on”, she grabs my hand and leads me to her personal bathroom.

I sit on the toilet as Sabrina applies her special balm to my cuts. She never reveals what’s in it but Jose did say that he once saw Sabrina put honey in it.

“So Jose tells me you’re in love”, Sabrina says as gently massages her balm into my wounds.

“Yeah”, I say softly.

Sabrina smiles, “So who’s the lucky girl?”

“Marva Mallory”, I say with a grin. I can’t help it.

Sabrina cocks her eyebrows. “The Marva Mallory? Miss Popular?”

“The very one.”

“Haven’t you been in love with her since, like, forever?”

“Yes, and I still can’t believe she likes me too.”

Sabrina smiles, “I’m happy for you, Rick”.

“Thanks. That makes one person.”

“Is Marva the reason this guy beat you up?”

“Yeah, but I won’t let that scare me away from her.”

“Aww”, Sabrina says smiling even brighter.

“Well, you’re a wonderful guy Rick. And if she sees what I see, I know she knows it too. Just love her and if she’s sincere, she’ll love you too.”

“Thanks Sabrina.”

“You’re welcome” she winks. “Now let’s do something with that black eye. I got something that will have it gone in two days.”

“How do you come up with these potions?” I ask amazed.

“My abuelita gave me her recipes. I use them and add some of my own ingredients to them.”

“Have you ever considered selling them?” I ask as Sabrina applies something that smells like tar to my left eye.

“No way! I’d rather give them away for free than sell them. When I become a doctor I’ll give them to my patients.”

As Jose pulls up to my house I grab my things.

“Good luck. I hope she says yes”, Jose says as he slaps me on the shoulder.

“Thanks, man. I hope she does too. Oh, and tell Sabrina I love her.”

Jose belts out a laugh. “She did patch you up pretty well.”

“She’s great!” I say.

“Yeah, she is. She’s amazing”, Jose says adoringly. Jose and Sabrina are really close and I envy their relationship. Watching them interact with each other has always made me wish I had a sibling.

“Well, later”, I say as I get out the car.

“Later”, Jose says before pulling off.

Instead of going in my house, I head over to Marva’s first.

I ring the doorbell and wait. I stand outside for a couple of minutes before the door opens. Marva looks at me in surprise before giving me a smile that doesn’t reach her eyes. I feel like something is wrong but I can’t place it.

“Hey, Rick. W-what are you doing here?” she asks. Her eyes land on my wounds and she furrows her brows, but she remains silent.

“I just wanted to stop by. Is now not a good time?”

“No. No. Come on in”, she says as she steps aside to let me in.

We head up to Marva’s room in silence.

“So what’s up?” Marva asks as she sits down on her bed.

“Just wanted to talk to you about some things. But, how was your day?”

“Pretty good,” Marva says bluntly.

“I didn’t see you on the bus this morning.”

“Yeah, I rode to school with Amber”, Marva says as she runs her hands through her silky, brown strands. She then looks at me closely, getting a good look at my wounds.

“What happened to your face?” Marva asks concerned.

“Um, well. Ronnie, um…” I sputter.

Marva perks up and stares at me. “Ronnie did this to you?”

I nod my head.

Marva shakes her head. “Rick, we need to talk. I-”

I hold up my hands. “Marva, don’’ let Ronnie scare us. He’s been doing this for years, it’s time someone stands up to him”, I say nervously.

Marva reluctantly stays silent, so I continue.

“Marva, the reason I came over here was to ask you to be my date to prom?”

There was a long silence before Marva finally speaks.

“Rick, I can’t”, she says looking me in the eyes.

“Marva, don’t let Ronnie do this to us.”

“THERE IS NO US!” Marva exclaims. She catches her tone before lowering her voice and continuing, “Rick this is not about Ronnie. It’s about the fact that I don’t want to go to prom with you because we don’t have anything.”

I feel my heart almost stop. Marva did not just say that! I must not have heard right. We had grown so close over these past weeks and we both showed feelings for each other. How could we not “have anything”?

“M-Marva”, I sputter. “W-what do you mean? I thought we were getting closer.”

“Rick, we’re from different worlds. I couldn’t possibly go to prom with you or date you.” The emotion had all but drained from Marva’s face and eyes. She stares at me blankly while I stare back at her bewildered.

“Why not?” I demand. “You told me you don’t care about those things. That being popular wasn’t who you were but how people viewed you.”

“Rick, being popular IS who I am! I have a reputation to uphold. We can’t be together, it would never work! You’re not for me and I’m not for you.”

“What are you saying I’m not good enough for you?” I ask.

Marva doesn’t answer. She now stands with her arms crossed. Who was this woman? Where was the Marva I had grown to fall in love with? Why was she being so distant and abrupt?

 “But what about all the things that happened between us?” I ask pleadingly.

“They didn’t mean anything. Just because you kiss someone doesn’t make them your soul mate Rick.”

Another blow. This could not be happening. NO! NO! NO! NO! I love this girl! What went wrong? What did I do?

“You helped me come to terms with my Dad’s suicide you helped me through that. You’re the first person I could open up to about him”, I say as my voice breaks.

Marva still stares at me blankly. “I was glad I could help you through your situation. But I’m not a therapist.”

My stomach drops and I now look at Marva through a new lens. Carl and Jose were right! They were right! Marva never really cared for me, she was just using me! But for what?

I take a deep breath and try to hold back the tears that are threatening to spill over. I won’t let her see me cry. “So what was I a distraction? Was I just something to make Ronnie jealous?” I ask bitterly.

Marva shrugs her shoulders. “You can think whatever you want, Rick. I’m just telling you there’s nothing between us.”

“YOU BITCH!” I shout. “You lead me on. If you never cared, why didn’t you ignore me like you always did?”

“WHO ARE YOU CALLING A BITCH?!!! YOU… YOU FREAK!” she shouts back. “You think I really wanted you?! Well I didn’t! Get over it, you damn loser.”

“You’re the loser, Marva Mallory! You are! You think you’re so great, you and your friends. You all walk around like God made you special or something. Well let me tell you something.” I walk up to Marva and stare her right in the eyes. A face I once considered heavenly now looked repulsive.

“You are a loser. You’re a failure to your parents. They could have never asked for a worse daughter. You’re selfish, arrogant, and going nowhere. You’re nothing special Marva and one day that truth is going to smack you in your damn face.”

I could tell I hit a mark. Marva’s eyes welled up with tears and she wore a hurt expression.

“Get out”, she whispers.

“Fine! I never want to see you again anyway.”

Marva’s eyes well up with another emotion. Guilt, maybe? I don’t know and I don’t care. I turn and rush out of her room and out of her house. I am through with Marva Mallory!

When Rick leaves, I lay down on my bed. Damn! I can’t believe that just happened. I wanted to let Rick down easy, not get into a name calling match with him. I saw the hurt look in his eyes and I couldn’t help but feel like a bitch. I wanted to apologize but in my heart I knew this all was for the best. Amber was right, Rick isn’t on my level and never will be.

I sit and think about our argument. I don’t feel like I did or said anything wrong. And if Rick actually believed I was going to make him my boyfriend, he only has himself to blame for his own naiveté.

Soon my thoughts drift to Ronnie. Today was Friday and he had been throwing me looks all day. He wanted his answer. A picture of Rick’s bruised face flashes in my mind but I quickly push it away. No more thoughts of Rick Collins.

I grab my cell and dial Ronnie’s phone number. I’ve always had it programmed into my phone but have never called it. After a few seconds Ronnie picks up.

“Hello, Marva”, he says in a teasing voice.

“Hey, Ronnie”, I say trying to sound cheerful.

“What a pleasure to hear from you. What brings this call?” he asks mockingly. Ronnie can be such an asshole.

“I wanted to talk to you about you prom proposal.”

“Oh, really. And what’s your answer?”

I hold my breath. I’m about to sell my soul to the devil but I have no other choice.

“Well, I thought it over and I decided that I would love to go to prom with you.”

“Great”, Ronnie says coolly.

We finalize the plans for our date and ten minutes later everything is finished.

“So, how’s your friend, Rick?” Ronnie asks mischievously.

“Don’t know, haven’t talked to him”, I lie.

“Good. Is it going to stay that way?”

“I guess. We aren’t friends anymore.”

I skip out on telling Ronnie about me and Rick’s fight. He’s no confidant of mine. I’ll just let him think the ass whooping scared Rick off.

“Well, that’s nice to hear. Well, I gotta go, babe. Be pretty for me on prom night.”

“You know I will”, I say in a false, sweet voice.

Ronnie chuckles before hanging up the phone.

“Ugh”, I say as I lay back on my pillows.

Well, it was a necessary evil and besides it’s only for prom night.

***~~~***

Monday morning I am standing at the school bus stop when I hear footsteps approaching. I turn and look into the hazel eyes of Rick. He quickly turns his head from me and remains silent until our bus comes.

As I board the bus I sit next to a smiling Ronnie. Rick makes his way to the back of the school bus ignoring us both. If that’s the way he wants to be, then fine! It didn’t have to be this way. Friday, I was originally going to tell him that we couldn’t be in a relationship but we could still be friends. But since it didn’t work out like that, I soon realized that this way-neither of us talking to each other-was for the best. I have a rep to uphold, I can’t even be friends with a guy like Rick.

During the weekend, I sulked and mostly stayed in my room. I ignored all my calls from Carl and Jose. Even though I felt bad about ignoring them I was heartbroken. Marva Mallory had made me feel cared for, liked, appreciated and in a matter of minutes she snatched it all away from me. I wanted to forgive her, wanted to call her and apologize for calling her out of her name. But as I reflected on it more and more, I realized that Marva had expressed her true feelings and had treated me like I was beneath her. I didn’t owe her a damn thing!

Mom had been a worried about my sullenness, but especially about my bruises. I just told her I wasn’t feeling too well and that my bruises had come from overexertion in P.E. Fortunately, she bought it. I hated lying to Mom but I didn’t want to upset her. She watched over me cautiously during the weekend but let me relax until I was feeling better. After purging myself of all feelings and thoughts of Marva I was back to my old self, which Mom was happy to see.

I didn’t even feel the urge to speak to Marva at the bus stop. My stomach didn’t even flip when I saw her. I was through with her. Marva went on about playing her role of ‘Miss Popular’ as she sat down next to Ronnie on the bus and chatted and laughed with him and his friends. I ignored them and read the book I had just started reading over the weekend.

When I walk to the lunch table with my tray in hand, I notice Carl and Jose both staring at me looking annoyed.

“Why didn’t you answer any of our calls?” Carl asks sporting a frown.

“I’m sorry guys”, I say. “I was mentally cleansing myself.”

Carl and Jose give me confused looks so I relate the story of me and Marva’s fight to them.

“I’m not going to say I told you so”, Jose says while shaking his head. “But, I never trusted that girl.”

“I can’t believe she said those things to you. Who does she think she is? She can’t treat people anyway she sees fit”, Carl says as he frowns even harder.

“You guys were right she was using me. Probably trying to make Ronnie jealous. I mean, this guy beat the crap out of me over this girl and she acts like she doesn’t even care. I was willing to stand up to him to be with her. And what do I get, nothing. Not a damn thing!”

Carl and Jose shake their heads.

“I loved this girl, guys! But I was too blind to see that a girl like her would never love me back.”

“She’ll get hers. People like her always do. She’ll regret the way she treated you”, says Carl.

“He’s right, Rick. Just let her go, she’s not worth it. You can find way better”, Jose adds.

I nod my head in agreement.

“You guys are right. And I’m sorry I didn’t take your advice. You were just looking out for me. I’ll never trust anyone more than you guys.”

Jose smiles, “Don’t worry about it, man.”

I smile back at my friends and we finish our lunch discussing more cheerful topics.

I am dancing in Jose’s basement along with Carl, Jose, Sabrina, and Mrs. Lopez. Carl brought over his Ipod docking station and we are all jamming to the songs on his playlist, some he made himself others by popular artists. Tonight was prom at Central Bucks but since me, Carl, and Jose didn’t have any dates or any chances of getting dates we decided to spend our prom night having our own little party.

We all laugh and cheer as Mrs. Lopez glides with Sabrina across the basement floor. Mrs. Lopez has been battling breast cancer for some months now. She is on chemotherapy, which has resulted in her being very weak. But tonight you wouldn’t be able to tell that as she laughs and dances with her children and their friends.

After trying my best to ‘Crank That Soulja Boy’ I sit my no dancing self down on one of the plastic chairs in the basement. I watch as Jose does the dance perfectly, while Carl struggles to put one foot behind the other. Sabrina hands Mrs. Lopez over to Jose, who begins to teach his Mom the dance. Sabrina sits down on the plastic chair next to me, a smile spread wide across her face.

“Whew, I’m tired. It’s hard trying to keep up with Soulja Boy”, Sabrina says.

“I know. His moves are way too complicated”, I respond.

“So is this better than prom or what?” she asks.

“You betcha. I rather be at a basement party with my friends than at a ball where no one knows me.”

“I thought you would be going though. You did say you and Marva Mallory had a thing going on,” Sabrina says intently.

“Me and her didn’t work out”, I say bluntly.

“I’m sorry to hear that, Rick. What happened?” Sabrina asks sympathetically.

“She didn’t think we could be together because we were ‘different’”, I say resentfully.

“Different how? If you don’t mind me asking”, she quizzed.

“She’s popular, I’m not. She says she has a ‘reputation’ to uphold.”

Sabrina nods her head in understanding, “Oh, I see.”

“Can you believe she told me this after making out with me and after I spilled my heart out to her?” I ask frustrated.

I had avoided thinking or talking about Marva at all over the past week. But my anger for her easily came back as soon as I started talking about her.

“Well, that’s her lost. You’ll find better, Rick. I know you will. Wait until you get to college, you’ll meet a girl who doesn’t have all of those silly, immature hang-ups”, Sabrina reassured.

“I sure hope so”, I say.

We continue to watch the others dance for several minutes before we get back up to join them. We all laugh, dance, and have a great time. I couldn’t have asked for a better prom night.

I stare at myself in the mirror as Mom zips up the back of my dress. Tonight was the big night. Prom night. My dress is a strapless, black gown with green trimmings around the bust. I wear a small, silver necklace with matching stud earrings, and black stilettos.

“You look beautiful, sweetie”, Mom says giving me the once-over.

“Thanks, Mom”, I say as make sure my chignon and makeup is still perfect. Earlier that day Amber and I went to our appointment at the Max Antonio salon to get our hair and makeup done. We were there for a few hours before heading back to our respective houses to finish getting ready.

Just then the doorbell rings.

“That’s Ronnie and the others”, I say nervously.

“I’ll head down. Come down when you feel ready”, Mom says as she walks to the door.

I continue to look myself over to make sure everything is right. I grab my silver clutch and make sure all my necessities are in there.

Cell phone?

Check.

Lip Gloss?

Check.

Tissues?

Check.

I.D.?

Check.

Twenty Dollars?

Check.

Great, I had everything. I gave myself one more check in the mirror before heading out my room. When I reach the top of the stairs I hear my Dad downstairs.

“Here, she comes”, he says.

I slowly begin to descend down the stairs. As soon as I reach the middle of the stairs Mom starts snapping her digital camera. I giggle as flash after flash captures my grand entrance.

“You look beautiful, sweetie”, Dad says as he pulls me into his arms.

“Thanks, Daddy”, I say. As I pull away from Dad my eyes fall on a tuxedoed Ronnie Brimstone standing behind him. He gives me a smile and reluctantly I smile back. I have resolved to be pleasant with Ronnie tonight. But only for tonight.

“Marva, you look gorgeous”, Ronnie says as he takes my small hand into his big one.

I hear my Dad clear his throat as Ronnie holds onto my hand a little bit longer than necessary.

“Sorry, sir”, Ronnie smiles to Daddy sheepishly.

Daddy nods his head at Ronnie while casting him a warning look.

Ronnie turns back to me and pulls out a corsage.

“I knew your dress would have green in it and lucky for me this matches the green in your dress”, Ronnie says as he carefully places the corsage around my wrist.

“Thank you”, I say.

“Let me take some pictures of you guys”, Mom says.

“Mom, hurry we have to go.”

Mom snaps for what seems like forever but really is only for several seconds.

“Alright, bye now”, Mom waves to me and Ronnie as we head out the door.

“Bye”, me and Ronnie say as we wave back to my parents.

“Have my daughter back by midnight”, Daddy bellows.

“Yes, sir. You don’t have to worry she’s in good hands”, Ronnie says innocently.

When we reach the limousine Ronnie holds the door open to let me enter first before following behind me. In the limo sits Amber; her boyfriend, Lamar; Ashton, one of Ronnie’s friends; and sitting next to Ashton was my brunette, friend Staci.

Amber wore a red, sequined gown with matching pumps and clutch. Her hair too was styled in a chignon and gold chandelier earrings hung above her shoulders. Lamar sat next to her in a white tuxedo and his long hair was braided freshly in cornrows.

“Marva, you look gorgeous”, Amber squeals reaching over to give me a hug.                          

“You really do”, Staci adds genuinely.

“Thanks, girls. You both look beautiful”, I say.

“Thanks”, Amber and Staci say simultaneously.

“Well, I think you girls are the most beautiful women I have ever laid eyes on”, Ashton says flirtatiously.

Me, Amber, and Staci can’t help but giggle.

After Ronnie, Ashton is the most desired boy in school. He’s point guard on the school basketball team and favors a young Brad Pitt.

Ronnie and Lamar glare at Ashton, but Ashton simply dismisses their looks.

“Ashton, ever the charmer”, Lamar says sarcastically.

“So, Marva you excited about you and Ronnie winning prom queen and king?” Staci asks me.

“Staci, we haven’t won yet. And you and Ashton might win it.”

Staci shakes her head, “No way. Everyone knows you and Ronnie are going to win.”

“We sure are”, Ronnie boasts as he puts his arm around my shoulder. I want to move away but that would go against my decision to be nice.

As we pull up to the Central Bucks auditorium we notice the crowd of students streaming into it.

“It’s show time, peeps”, Amber exclaims.

“Yeah, let’s give these losers what they need”, I add.

As the six of us pile out the car it seems as if all eyes are on us. The sea of students part to let us into the auditorium. We’re the stars of this show.

“You look great Marva”, I hear a small voice say.

I turn my head in the direction of a petite, blonde who is staring at me in awe.

“I know”, I say to her dryly.

When enter the auditorium that is packed with students. The music blares from the DJ’s booth. We make our way over to our table as we watch our classmates party around us.

“Marva! Amber! Staci!” A voice shouts from behind us.

We turn to see Rebecca Cohen and her sidekick Melanie Lee walking towards us. Behind them are two guys, both of them friends of Ronnie; Tyler Stewarts and Marcus Munn.

“Hey”, Staci says waving at them.

Melanie stays silent but waves at us and smiles.

“You guys look gorgeous”, Rebecca says in sweet voice. “Especially you, Marva. Congrats on being nominated for prom queen.” Rebecca eyes me with a superior look that seems to be reserved specifically for me.

“Thanks. And congratulations to you and Tyler on your nomination as well”, I say giving her a fake smile.

“Thank you”, Rebecca says nodding your head. “Well, we better head over to our table. Come on Tyler!”

Tyler turns irritably in his date’s direction. He and Marcus fist pound Ronnie, Lamar, and Ashton before turning to walk away with Rebecca and Melanie.

We sit at our table to talk and eat, but mostly talk.

“Let’s go dance”, Ronnie says taking my hand.
“Okay”, I say.

Me and Ronnie dance to a mid tempo Usher song as we glide across the floor.

“You look so beautiful tonight”, Ronnie says softly.

“Thank you. You look very handsome yourself”, I say to Ronnie sweetly.

 “We’re definitely going to win prom king and queen titles”, Ronnie says.

I tilt my head to the side, “I didn’t think you’d care about us winning.”

“Well, you seem to care a great deal about it. So as your date I think it’s only right I care about it too.”

I can’t help but chuckle. Even though I don’t really like Ronnie, I have to admit he’s quite the charmer.

“See I can be good to you”, Ronnie says softly as he pulls me closer into his arms.

“Ronnie, I didn’t go to prom with you so you could persuade me to be your girlfriend”, I sigh.

Ronnie stares at me intently, “I have been trying to make you my girl since freshman year and for whatever reason you keep turning me down.”

“I just don’t want to be with you, Ronnie.”

“Give me one good reason why not?”

I cock my eyebrow as we continue to move with the music. “You need a reason? Well, one is that you like to beat the hell out of any guy that shows interest in me and thus scare them off.”

Ronnie shrugs his large shoulders, “I was just looking out for your best interests.”

“I never asked that from you, Ronnie”, I snort angrily.

“Look I really want you to be my girl. I’m going to Notre Dame this fall. I’d really like you to come with me.”

“And do what, Ronnie?”

“Just be with me.”

“NO! When are you going to realize that I don’t want to be with you?” I spat angrily. Some couples around us hear me and stare at us awkwardly.

Ronnie furrows his brows and his green eyes penetrate mine harshly, “You’re gonna regret not being with me Marva.”

“Yeah, I’m sure I’ll have many sleepless nights over it.” I try to pull myself away from Ronnie but he just pulls me closer in his arms.

“Let. Go. Of. Me.”, I say as I wrench out of his stronghold.

“Marva get back here”, Ronnie bellows as I walk quickly back to our table.

I ignore him as he stands fuming on the dance floor. I quickly sit back down at our table next to Amber, who turns to look over at me.

“What’s wrong?” she asks noticing my disgusted expression.

“Ronnie. Just doesn’t get it!”

“Marva, just try to get along with him. If only for prom night”, Amber sighs heavily.

“Whatever”, I say as I nod my head.

A few minutes later Ronnie sits back down at the table with two drinks of fruit punch in both hands.

“You thirsty?” he asks me bluntly.

“Thanks”, I say while taking the punch.

Ronnie and I don’t talk for much of the night. I direct my attention on Amber, Staci and a few of my teachers who I run into at the punch table. I am engrossed in conversation with my friend Beverly when I see Principal Randall approach the microphone onstage.

“All right everyone, please quiet down. We are about to announce your new Prom King and Queen.”

The auditorium starts to settle down and I bid Beverly goodbye as I make my way back over to our table.

Ms. Randall waits until the auditorium is fairly quiet before continuing. “Okay, the nominees for 2010 Central Bucks High School Prom King and Queen are…Tyler Stewarts and Rebecca Cohen… Ashton Collingsworth and Staci Rivers…Carol Fletcher and Peter DePaul. And last but not least, Ronnie Brimstone and Marva Mallory.”

There was an unbearable silence as Ms. Randall slowly opens the envelope. Amber slipped her hand into mine and squeezes it tightly. She wanted this for me, just as much as I did.

“And the new Prom King and Queen of Central Bucks High School are…Ronnie Brimstone and Marva Mallory!”

I let out an excited squeal as the auditorium erupted in cheers and applause. I was so overcome with happiness I didn’t even mind when Ronnie pulled me into his arms and walked us towards the stage.

“Congratulations Marva!”

“Way to go Ronnie!”

“I knew you guys were going to win. Congraulations!”

I didn’t see the faces of the congratulators but I definitely heard them. Me and Ronnie climb up the stairs to the stage and walk up to Ms. Randall, who hugs and congratulates us enthusiastically. We stand proudly on stage as Ms. Randall crowns me and Ronnie. After being crowned we sit on our ‘royal thrones’, which were actually chairs decorated by the art club. We watch as our peers go back to dancing and enjoying themselves while we watch over them from our ‘thrones’.

“See aren’t you at least happy you came with me for this?” Ronnie asks in my ear.

“Yeah, this was well worth it. Thank you for asking me to be your date.”

“No problem.”

***~~~***

“So, Marcus is having a party at his house. It’s from now ‘til sunrise and anybody who’s somebody will be there!” Staci exclaims to Amber and I in the girl’s bathroom.

“Sounds awesome!” Amber says while applying her cherry lip gloss. “Marcus always throws the best parties!”

“Are his parents going to be there?” I ask Staci. I try to avoid chaperoned parties like the plague. Way too much supervision for my tastes.

“Nope. They’re gone for the week.”

“Then it sounds like a plan. Come on girls. Let’s grab our guys and get the hell here”, I say as we make our way out of the bathroom.

Two hours after being ‘throned’, prom is still going on. The DJ is playing a slow jam by Justin Timberlake as mostly lovers sway across the dance floor.

“You girls wanna go to Marcus’ party?” Lamar asks us as we reach our table.

“Actually, babe we already decided that we’re going” Amber says flirtatiously as she bends over to kiss her man.

“Ugh! Get a room you guys”, Ashton jokes after Lamar stands and begins to firmly squeeze Amber’s butt.

“Shut up, Ashton”, Lamar says reluctantly pulling his lips away from Amber’s.

“Let’s get outta here”, Ronnie says while rising up to leave.

We all start to gather our things as we begin to leave. When we get outside our limo pulls up and we all get inside. The ride over to Marcus’ house is filled with conversation about our post high school activities and goals. I mostly stay quiet not having much to add to the conversation.

It seems as if everyone who left prom came straight to Marcus’. The sound of music fills the house and the place is packed. We all try to ease our way over to the living room where the party seems centralized. We push pass people dancing, making out, and chatting to friends.

“Hey guys! Glad you could make it!” Marcus exclaims. His voice slurred from too much alcohol. “Ronnie! Marva! Congratulations!”

“Thanks man”, Ronnie says coolly. “Where’s the beer man? I’m tryin’ to get smashed tonight!”

“Totally!” Ashton agrees.

I look up at Ronnie as if he’s crazy. “What?! I didn’t go out with you so you could get hammered!”

“Chill babe”, Ronnie says dismissively.

“Come on. It’s over here.” Marcus leads Ronnie, Staci, and Ashton away, leaving the rest of us behind.

“Just hang with us” Amber says as she loops her arm through mine.

Amber, Lamar and I make our way through the house towards the backyard. There is a sizeable and less rowdy group out there. I see a lot of kids I know to be in the glee club and band.  And a few kids from Army ROTC.

We grab some chairs and sit down to enjoy the fresh air. I sit quietly as Amber and Lamar talk to each other.

“Marva?” I hear a confident voice behind me.

I turn around to see April Rayford, a tall attractive black girl who I used to be really close with during freshman year.  As high school went on, we drifted apart as our interests and friends become more different.

“Oh my God! How are you April?” I ask getting up to greet her.

“I’m fine. I’m doing well”, she laughs lightly as we hug.

“That’s great! You look amazing.” April wears a silk black gown, that shimmers in the moonlight. She looks like a supermodel compared to her usually tomboy appearance.

“Thanks. So do you ‘Miss Prom Queen’”, April jokes.

I can’t help but laugh. April has a great sense of humor and is always teasing those she knows.

“What have you been up to?” I ask.

“Nothing much. Still helping my dad with his car shop. And this fall I’m going to get my certification in automotive mechanics at the Bridges Career Institute.”

“That’s wonderful. You always said you were going to be a mechanic.”

“Yup. And when Dad retires I’m taking over the shop. So what about you? Are you still going to be a dancer?”

“I don’t really know. I’m still weighing my options”, I lie. “By the end of the summer I’ll know for sure.”

“Take your time”, April nods to me.

“Yeah, I…”

“Marva, you look so gorgeous! I voted for you and Ronnie!” says a high pitched voice out of nowhere. I turn around to see an Asian girl looking directly at me.

“Don’t you see me talking!” I yell at the girl.

“I-I just wanted to say ‘hi’”, the girl says giving me a hurt expression.

“Why don’t you get lost”, I tell the twit abruptly.

The girl looks from me to April and back at me before turning around to walk away.

“Loser”, I huff with a smirk on my face. “So what were we talking about?”

“Gee, Marva. Don’t you think that was cold?” April eyes me curiously.

“April, please”, I roll my eyes.

April shrugs her shoulders and slightly shakes her head. I know April didn’t appreciate how I talked to that girl. But I don’t care. Who was she to interrupt me while I was having a conversation?

“So are you and Ronnie finally going out?” Aprils asks after an awkward pause in our conversation.

“No. We’re just here at prom together.”

“Oh. Hey, what about you and that Rick guy. A lot of people said you two had a thing going on.”

I cock my head back and laugh loudly. “Rick Collins and me? Together? I don’t think so. Someone told you wrong.” I lie.

“Yeah. I guess you’re right. Rick is more of a softy. You seem like you want more of a bad boy.”

“Not a bad boy per se. Just a man who can keep up with ‘Marva Mallory’. If you know what I mean.”

“I know what you mean”, April says.

“April!” A guy calls from behind us. April looks behind her to a guy I assume is her date.

“Well, gotta go. See you later Marva. It was good seeing you.”

“You too April. Take care.”

We quickly hug before April walks off in the direction of her date.

“Marva?” Amber says behind me.

“Yeah?” I say turning to face her.

“Lamar and I are going to get out of here. We’ve got a special night planned”, Amber says secretively.

“Okay. I’m going to go find Ronnie. I think I’m gonna head back home.”

“Cool. See you later babe.”

“You two be safe”, I say as Amber and I exchange quick hugs.

“We will. Call me if you need me.”

“I will.”

“Later, Marva”, Lamar calls out.

“Bye.”

After Amber and Lamar leave I try to find Ronnie. I know he is probably drunk as all hell. But I want to get home and since we came together, we’d might as well leave together. When I get to the living room I see Staci and Ashton slumped on the couch looking dazed and out of place. The smell of weed permeates the air and I see what looks like sherm sticks on the coffee table.

“Staci!” I yell over the noise.

Staci looks up at me with half hooded eyes that try hard to focus on me.

“W-Whaaa?” She slurs.

“You know where Ronnie is?”

“N-Noooo. Hey, hey Ash baby? W-Where’s R-Ronnie?”

“Upstairs”, Ashton breathes without opening his closed eyes.

“When I find Ronnie, I’m leaving. Are you guys going too?”

The smell of weed is nauseating. I look to my left and see a guy and girl making out on the floor against the wall. The guy has his hands down the girl’s pants stroking her while they kiss. But she’s too stoned to even realize what he’s doing to her in front of a room full of people. I turn my head away in disgust.

“Nah, we’re staying. Going to have a little more fun”, Ashton whispers as he opens his eyes to look at one of the sherm sticks on the table.

“Fine.” I head towards the staircase leaving my stoned friends behind. Drugs are their thing, not mine. Ashton and Staci probably won’t leave until tomorrow morning. Standing at the staircase is Rebecca Cohen talking to a guy who is not her date Tyler. She flirts with the guy shamelessly, while she flips her hair and licks her lips. Maybe feeling eyes on her she whirls around to see who’s behind her. She notices me and gives me one of her arrogant expressions, cocking her eyebrow, before turning back around to talk to the guy.

When I reach the top of the stairs I decide to use the bathroom first. Best to get it out of the way now. When I’m finished in the bathroom I start to look for Ronnie. Marcus lives in a six bedroom house, plenty of rooms to cover. I peaked in each bedroom before I reach the fourth where my eyes meet with Ronnie’s who is sitting on the bed. His eyes hold a slightly hazy look but he recognizes me immediately. In a flash he hops off the bed and heads towards me. Instead of saying anything he walks to close the bedroom door behind me.

“Ronnie, I’m ready to go”, I say as I cross my arms.

“Just a minute babe”, he whispers as he walks towards me.

“Ronnie, I’m not your babe. Now let’s go.” I speak bluntly wanting Ronnie to know I’m serious.

“Damn, Marva! Why are you always being a b-bitch?!” Ronnie spats.

“What?! Ronnie you’re the bitch! Not me!” I look closely at Ronnie’s hazy eyes and I realize that they’re cloudier than I initially thought.

“I can’t believe I’m arguing with you! Just how high are you?” I exclaim.

“Just a little sherm, baby. That’s it.” Ronnie moves quickly towards me wrapping his arms around my waist.

“Enough with the damn pet names. Now let me go.” I try to push him away. But his broad shoulders are immovable. Ronnie nozzles my neck and he breathes heavily under my earlobe. I feel my stomach turn in a knot and I try to push down the revulsion that builds in my stomach.

“I’ve wanted you for so long”, Ronnie says as he flicks my ear with his tongue.

“Ronnie stop.” I move frantically against him but he seems unfazed by my movements. Ronnie lowers his large hands down my back before laying them on my behind.

“So soft”, he whispers to himself.

“Hold still now”, he says firmly and clearly to me.

I still fight against him. But my small frame against his large one is no match. The more I move the tighter he grips me in a bear hug.

“Ronnie! Stop! Please!” I shriek.

“Calm down. I’m just want to hold you.” Ronnie begins to rub his lips across my neck.

“If you don’t stop I’ll scream”, I blurt out trying desperately to hold back the tears that are threatening to spill over.

Ronnie pulls back from me slightly. Maybe he got the message. But that thought is quickly thrown away as Ronnie roughly picks me up and tosses me roughly onto the bed. As I land I feel the bed sink as Ronnie scrambles over towards me. I let out a mortified scream that is quieted within seconds as Ronnie smashes his mouth onto mine catching my cry in his throat. I squirm and wrestle as Ronnie works his way completely overtop me. Unfortunately, my movements seem to turn him on because he grinds his pelvis hard into mine.

Ronnie moves his hands down to his pants. When I hear the sound of him unzipping his fly I fight harder trying to push him off of me even though it comes to no avail. Ronnie tears his lips from mine and pierces my eyes with his dark ones as he forces his hand over my mouth.

“Shut the fuck up and stay still. Don’t make me fuck you up Marva! I can make this much worse than it has to be! I’m going to move my hand, but if you make one sound I’ll knock the shit out of you. Do you understand?”

The menacingly, cold glare Ronnie gives me sucks all the fight away from me. I have no reason to doubt what he threatened. An image of Rick’s bruised and cut face flashes into my mind and immediately my squirming stops. I nod my head in agreement.

Ronnie flashes me a satisfied and sickening smile. “Good girl.”

I lay on the bed staring at the ceiling as Ronnie yanks my dress up above my waist. He reaches into his pants and pulls out his erect cock. It’s a red, angry, and vein filled monster just like its owner. Ronnie begins to stroke it up and down with one hand as he tears my thong away with the other. I try to hold back the sob in my throat. Not wanting to give him the satisfaction of hearing me cry. I still can’t stop the tears from spilling over and running down my cheeks as Ronnie settles back over me again.

“Don’t cry bitch. Not yet anyway”, he purrs softly as he kisses the tracks of my tears on the left side of my face. I feel myself wretch as more tears spill over my face. Ronnie starts to kiss my mouth again as he presses his body harder into mine. Ronnie lets out a moan as he positions his cock at my entrance.

I want the feel of his skin off of mine! I want to burst into a million pieces and disappear out of this room, this house, this world! Ronnie draws back to slam forward into me when the bedroom door bursts open.

Ronnie jumps up and whirls around to face the door. I jump up and make a run for the door not caring who’s standing there. When my head snaps up I see the face of Rebecca Cohen. I push past her as hard as I can, trying to get out of this house as fast as I can.

“I thought you weren’t fucking him, slut!” Rebecca screams.

“Shut the fuck up Rebecca!” Ronnie yells.

Fearing he is right behind me I run as fast as I can down the steps nearly tripping over my dress in the process. When I reach the bottom of the stairs I twist my ankle harshly as I land awkwardly on my feet. I push my way to the door, knocking through and over people as I try to make it. Most are too stoned to even care.

“Marva!” I hear Ronnie’s voice yell. Out of fear I turn around to see how close he is. I see him standing at the top of the steps before quickly making his way down them.

“Marva!” I hear Staci’s voice yell as I swing open the door and run down the steps.

I keep running all the way down the pathway of the house not bothering to turn around now.

“Marva, come back! I’m sorry”, I hear Ronnie yell in the distance.

His voice is still too close for comfort, so I run harder and faster even though it hurts like hell, until I reach the end of the pathway and see a grey sedan filled with kids.

I run up to the car and look directly at the driver, a brown haired boy with a crooked nose.

“Got room for one more”, I ask breathlessly.

“Sure Marva”, the crooked nose boy answers.

I don’t know the boy, but he knows me. Marva Mallory. I jump in the backseat.

“Thanks for the ride, Jared”, I say softly as I get out of the car.

“No problem. Take care”, the driver Jared says.

“You too”, I wave goodbye to him and his car full of friends as they drive off.

It’s five minutes to midnight. I stand in front of my house. The lights are out, so I know my parents are asleep. It is raining at a steady rhythm and I feel the rain hit my face and neck and roll off my skin.

The tears I have held back while in Jared’s car stream down my face mixing with the raindrops on my skin. I cry tears through me and I drop to my knees on my lawn. My heaves and sobs are uncontrollable as I shake from the wetness of my skin and the shock of the nerves in my body. I cry! I cry from being violated, from being a disappointment to others, and from losing Rick!

I turn my head in the direction of Rick’s house. I slowly rise to my feet grabbing my heels and purse in my hands. I slowly begin to limp across the street. I stand outside of his door for several minutes before I finally ring the bell. I ring and ring and ring. Pausing in between each ring for minute intervals.

Please, Rick answer the door! Please!

I begin to cry again. Heavy sobs consuming me and expressing themselves on my face and body. I stand outside of Rick’s house for what feels like hours but really is only about fifteen minutes. I finally stop ringing Rick’s bell. I take a few steps back and look up into Rick’s window. Are you up there? I think to myself. I turn around and slowly walk back across the street as the rain begins to fall harder.

“Rick, we still on for tomorrow?” Jose asks as he pulls up in front of my house.

“Definitely”, I laugh. I turn back to look at Carl and Sabrina in the back.

“We had fun tonight”, Sabrina laughs. “But paintball is going to rule tomorrow!”

Carl pumps his fist in the air letting out a cheer. I can’t but laugh again.

“See you guys tomorrow”, I say before getting out the car.

“Later”, Carl and Sabrina yell in unison.

“See ya, man”, says Jose.

When I get inside the house, I take a shower. While I put on my pajamas and get ready for bed the door bell starts to ring. I get the urge not to answer and just go to bed. But as the ringing continues almost close to panic I decide it’s best to answer.

As I make my way down the stairs, I think about how great it is Mom isn’t home. She went out on a date with a man from her job. If she had heard someone ringing her bell at this time of night she would have a conniption.

I walk up to the door and look through the peephole. When I see the figure on the other side of the door I stumble back in shock. I rub my eyes and look through the peephole again. My eyes weren’t playing tricks on me. On the other side of my door stood Marva Mallory, soaking wet, in what seemed to be her prom dress. Prom was tonight, what the hell was she doing ringing my bell at close to midnight?

I don’t open the door. I have no reason to. I have nothing to do with Marva anymore. I stare at her through the peephole as she continues to ring the bell as several minutes begin to pass. I see her begin to cry and for some reason it just makes me angry. What did she want me to do? Comfort her? Open my heart to her again after she refused to open her heart to me just once. I pull myself away from the peephole and make my way back upstairs.

When I get back into my room I close the door behind me to muffle the sound of the doorbell. As I pull the covers back on my bed, I stop and walk towards my window. I pull back the curtain and watch as Marva continues to ring my bell. The sight sickens me. I close the window and walk towards my bed and sit down. Suddenly, the bell stops ringing. She’s gone, finally! To verify my assumption I quickly move to the window and look out of it. I see a soaking wet Marva limping across the street disappearing behind sheets of rain.

“Goodbye Marva”, I think to myself. “Never come back again.”

“Here we are?” Mom says as we pull in front of the dormitory building that will be my new home.

The big bright smile she wears plays on her already luminescent face.

“Are you ready?”

I take a deep breath before answering. “Yup. I’m been waiting for this all summer.”

I get out of the car to help Mom unload my boxes and bags out of the trunk of the car.

It takes us a couple of hours to get all of my belongings to my dorm which unfortunately is on the fifth floor.

“Let’s have dinner”, Mom says tiredly. “There’s this nice Indian restaurant a few blocks up the street. “

“Okay.” I nod my enthusiastically.

The Indian restaurant is a nice small buffet that sells mostly delicious vegetarian food. Mom and me take a table towards the back where there is less noise. It seems as if a lot of freshman and their parents decided to dine here as well.

“I am so proud of you Rick. You have no idea.”

“Thanks Mom”, I say as I bite into a warm samosa.

“You were the perfect kid. You never gave me any trouble and you were always respectful. You always handled yourself well even when we lost your Dad. And I just want you to know that I thank God every day, because I could have never asked for a better son.”

Mom was slightly tearing up now. I had to bend my head down so she couldn’t see the small tears rolling down my cheeks.

“Mom, I just wanted to be strong for you,” I whisper.

“And you were. You’re Dad would be so proud…,” Mom says her voice slightly hitching.

I look up at Mom and meet her eyes. They are warm and loving. A peace that I haven’t seen for years embodies them. I reach my hand for hers across the table and rest it atop hers. She places her other hand atop mine and squeezes gently. We smile at each other for a few minutes, putting our hard past behind us and promising with our eyes to continue to move forward.

“Well”, Mom says as she pulls her hands away from mine to grab a napkin to dry her eyes. “This is supposed to be to a joyous event, not a cry fest.”

 “You’re right. Let’s enjoy the rest of our time together on a happier note,” I laugh, as Mom laughs too.

We spend the rest of the evening doing just that. As Mom drives away in the car later that night, I wave goodbye until she is out sight.

When I open the door to my dorm room, I holt in my tracks as I see the person sitting in the bed across from mine.

“Lamar Grimes?!” I can’t help the surprised and confused expression that crosses my face.

“Rick Collins”, Lamar says matter-of-factly rising up from his bed. “What are the odds of this pairing?”

“No idea”, I answer as I begin to make my way into the dorm. “I had no idea you got accepted to Penn.”

“Ditto, man”, Lamar says coolly.

It’s not like I have a particular problem with Lamar. Actually as far as I can remember he’s never messed with me. Even when Ronnie and his friends, including Ashton Collingsworth antagonized me, Lamar never took part in any of it. Either he wasn’t around when it happened or if he was around he took no part. But Lamar being in the same room with me brought back memories I had pushed away over the summer. Lamar was reminder of my past at Central Bucks and Central Bucks was a reminder of Marva. The new life I had committed to starting seemed now to be crumbling apart.

“Look man, I know you and I may have some bad blood between us, however, indirect it may be”, Lamar says as if reading my mind.

“But honestly, high school is world away now. So how but we just start anew, as if we’ve never even met before?” Lamar extends his hand to mine and I hesitantly shake it.

Maybe things will be okay, I think to myself.

***~~~***

As fall semester rolls into full effect, Lamar and me get along like old friends. I think we are both surprised by our friendship in college given the fact that we never even spoke to each other in high school. I have come to learn that Lamar is the down-to-earth, humble guy I never expected him to be. Our dorm room talks revealed that the only reason why he hung out with the ‘popular’ kids at school was because he felt he had to given his varsity status.

He thought Ronnie was a cool dude at times but could be a real asshole most of the time. He told me he ripped Ronnie a new butthole when Ronnie told him that he beat me up in the boy’s locker room.

“If I had known Ronnie was gonna pull that shit. I would have whooped his ass myself,” Lamar had said in his trademark laid back manner.

One night after coming back from a UP football game, I asked Lamar if he missed playing football.

“Hell No!” he exclaimed. I couldn’t help but laugh.

“The only reason why I joined the team in high school was because my Dad always wanted me to play varsity. I joined but I made it clear that when I got to college I wasn’t doing it anymore.”

Lamar lowered his voice a little as if he was worried someone would overhear him.

“I secretly love plants. I’ve been gardening with my Mom since I was five. Hence, the biology major I want to become a botanist when I graduate.”

“Man, if you ever told anyone at school that, you would’ve been sitting at the dork table with me and my friends”, I had laughed.

Lamar even told me that the only reason he had went out with Amber Connelly was because she kept pushing herself at him.

“So you’re saying you never wanted her?” I asked curiously.

“Not initially, I mean I warmed up to her after we started dating. But I felt like the only reason she wanted to go out with me was because Ronnie and Ashton had their eyes on other girls. I guess I was the third go to guy for her.”

“So are you and Amber still together?” I asked quizzically.

“Nope!” Lamar said with no remorse. “Me and that girl broke up a month after graduation. I couldn’t take her shit anymore. And especially what she did to Marva just fucked me up.”

I had immediately found myself interested. “What did she do to Marva?” I mentally shunned for myself for even caring.

“You don’t want to know man,” Lamar said quickly before changing the subject.

I had briefly wondered if the reason Marva had been ringing my bell at midnight on prom night was the reason of whatever Amber had done to her. I pondered on it for a minute before turning my attention to what Lamar had changed the subject on.

***~~~***

As I made my way out of Professor Newman’s composition class I hear someone calling my name.

“Rick! Rick Collins!”

I turn around to see Samantha Murphy walking fast to catch up with me. Samantha is an undergraduate teaching assistant in my composition class. A sophomore, Samantha is an inspiring professor, who obviously wants Professor Newman’s job. Her long, blonde hair flaps around her as she quickly makes herself over to me.

“Hey”, Samantha breathes heavily. “I read over the paper you turned in Tuesday and I have to say it’s one of the best I’ve read.

“Thanks”, I say appreciatively.

“You’re welcome. So where are you headed?” Samantha asks eagerly.

“Actually, I’m on my way to study hall. Would you like to join me?”

“Sure.”

As me and Samantha sit in study hall we talk casually over cups of coffee.

“Your paper was excellent. I mean really. Most freshman need a lot of work, but your paper was so fluid and cogent. You really presented your points well. Where did you learn to write like that?”

“I don’t know. I just write a lot that’s all. It’s not like I’m the best grammarian.” I shrug my shoulders.

“Yeah, but your structure was so good. Professor Newman was impressed and it takes a lot to impress him, trust me I know!”

I couldn’t help but smile. I wasn’t used to receiving such great compliments on my writing, not since Marva anyway.

“You should consider becoming a tutor at the Writing Center,” Samantha says with confidence.

“I don’t know…” I hesitate.

“You’ll be great. Just pull out an awesome grade in Newman’s class and put your application in at the end of the school year and you’ll be shoe in.”

“I’ll think about it,” I say.

“You should,” Samantha states.

We drink more of our coffee and get up to get some scones from the snack counter before sitting back down at our table.

“So where are you originally from?” I ask.

“I’m originally from Jersey, Cherry Hill to be exact. And you?”

“I’m from this area. It was either Columbia, my dream school, or UP because it was close to my Mom.

“Awww. That’s so sweet of you.” Samantha says admiringly.

“Well, I’d do anything for her.”

Samantha nods her head in understanding. “For me it was Rutgers, UP, or MIT. I picked UP because…I don’t know, there was just a connection when I came to visit here. A connection I couldn’t shake.”

“Do you think you made the right choice?”

Samantha smiles very brightly, showing off perfectly white straight teeth. “Yeah, I think I did.”

“So are you really trying to take Professor Newman’s job?” I ask comically.

“Not right now. But maybe after I get my doctorate in English”, Samantha laughs.

I look quickly at my watch and realize that it’s time for my next class.

“Well it’s time for me to go. Catch you later.”

“Bye, see you in class Tuesday.” Samantha waves to me as I walk away.

***~~~***

“What the hell is this?” I ask as when Lamar shoves a flyer in my face as I lay on my bed.

“The party of the semester, man. Hot chicks, hot music, hot drinks. You and I are going!”Lamar says with finality.

“I didn’t agree to that! And I don’t have time for a party, I have to study.” I say seriously.

Lamar has been trying his hardest to get me to go to one of the numerous college parties on campus. I’ve always declined. Not just because I have to study, but because the party thing really isn’t my scene.

“Come on Rick”, Lamar chastised. “You got to get out of this room and have some fun. You’re supposed to have fun during your college years too.”

“I know that”, I reply hesitantly.

“Just this once then, if you don’t like it I won’t ask you to go to another party again.”

Determined to finally shut Lamar up about the parties I reluctantly give in.

“Fine”, I sigh.

“Cool.” Lamar says grabbing his basketball as he heads out the door. “Be ready by 11. Me and the boys will come pick up.”

“Okay,” I shake my head quickly.

I look through my closet for something to wear. My wardrobe is really casual. I never even shopped for my clothes, my Mom did. I finally decide on a polo shirt with jeans. That’s the best I can come up with.

At around 11, Lamar and his friends pick me up. We all drive in Craig’s beat up Toyota. Craig is one of Lamar’s study partners. He reminds of Carl, really laid back and passive. My mind drifts to Carl as we drive to the party. Carl went to NYU to study music. The last time I talked to him he said his first semester was hectic but he had met this really cool Latina, who had him head over heels. That had to be the first time I’ve known Carl to have a girlfriend.

As we pull up to the house we see dozens of people who are dancing and drinking out on the front lawn.

“Looks like the whole freshman class came out”, Craig jokes.

As we walk inside Lamar stops to greet many people he knows. Even in college Lamar is popular as hell.

I try to get a little comfortable in the scene. Separating from Lamar a little, I’d hate to tag along wherever he went. I make my way over to the house’s living room, where most people are chatting idly with one another. I go to sit on the green loveseat when I hear a familiar voice.

“Hey there Rick.”

I look up into the face of Samantha. My stomach involuntarily flutters at how good she looks. She is wearing a black knit sweater and her long, shapely legs are wrapped in black leggings. Her blonde hair is pinned up in a messy bun and it shows off the contours of her face.

“H-hey, Samantha”, I stutter. What’s wrong with me?

“When I first saw you I had to look twice. You don’t seem like the guy who would be here.”

“I could say the same about you”, I respond softly.

“My friend dragged me here.” Samantha says sheepishly.

“Mine too”, I smirk.

Samantha laughs lightly as she sits across from me.

“To be honest, I hate these things. Their full of average people pretending they’re cool”, Samantha snorted.

“True”, I chuckle.

“I can’t believe I let my friend, Jade talk me into wearing this outfit”, Samantha says shifting uncomfortably in her seat.

“You look nice”, I say softly.

Samantha looks at me with shy eyes. Something briefly twinkles in her eyes.

“Thank you”. She says shyly.

There is an uncomfortable silence between us for several minutes. I turn my gaze to the dance floor to see Lamar dancing provocatively with cute black girl.

“Hey do you want to dance”, I say trying to lighten the mood.

“I-I don’t know how to dance”, Samantha says nervously.

“Neither do I”, I smile. I extend my hand to her and she takes it hesitantly before smiling brightly and showcasing those gorgeous teeth.

We make our way slowly to the dance floor while a Beyonce songs blasts loudly through the house. I instinctively wrap my arms around her waist as she tentatively wraps her arms around my neck. Samantha begins to sway her hips seductively and as we dance closer I feel her thigh brush up against my crotch. My breath hitches as I pull her closer towards me.

“You lied”, I say.

“What?” Samantha asks confused.

“You said you couldn’t dance. But you’ve got pretty good rhythm.”

Samantha throws her head back to laugh. A laugh that makes my skin tingle.

“You’re not too bad yourself”, Samantha winks mischievously.

We dance a few more songs before heading into the kitchen.

“This party is so lame”, Samantha says sipping on her Sprite.

“Yeah, but my boys seem to be having a pretty good”, I say motioning to Lamar and the guys dancing with some sorority chicks.

“Let’s ditch this place”, Samantha states.

“And go where?” I inquire.

“My place, I got some good movies we can watch.”

“Sure”, I say without much thought.

As we make our way to the door Lamar calls out to me.

“Rick, where you going man?”

“Over my friend’s house.”

Lamar glances at Samantha before nodding, “All right see ya man.”

“How far do you live?” I ask as we make our way down the chilly night street.

“About five blocks away. I live in an apartment complex”, Samantha states.

As we enter Samantha’s apartment I am greeted by a comfortable looking living room with a flat panel TV and big plushy-looking couch.

“My roommates are still out, probably back at the party”, Samantha says making her way over to the TV.

“Anything in particular you want to watch. I’ve got plenty of movies.”

“Whatever you want is fine.”

Samantha decides on “Black Swan” with Natalie Portman. We sit through the movie pretty much silent neither of us able to pull our eyes away from the screen.

“Wow, she was crazy”, I say in amazement as the credits begin to roll.

“She sure was”, Samantha agrees. “When I first watched it, it totally creeped me out.”

“Especially, the part when she’s pulling the feathers out of her shoulder”, I add.

“Yeah that was gross”, Samantha chuckles. “So what do you want to do now?”

“I don’t know.” I shrug my shoulders.

“Can I ask you question?” Samantha asks.

“Sure.”

“What inspires your writing?”

“I don’t know”, I shrug. “A lot of things; family, friends, hardships, love.”

“Love? Really?”

“Yeah.”

“I always try to avoid writing about love, it’s terribly cliché. At least that’s what I think”, Samantha says matter-of-factly.

“I can agree with that. When you tell students nowadays to write a poem they automatically write a ‘love’ poem.”

“Exactly”, Samantha nods vigorously. “I remember last year Professor Newman told us to write an essay about emotions. I chose anger because that’s an emotion most people like to pretend doesn’t exist. Well, about a week after we turned in our essays, Professor Newman singles me out in the class for ‘not being cliché like the rest of the class and being daring’. I was so proud and embarrassed. But I think that’s one of the reasons he chose me as his teaching assistant. He’s knows I look to those who go against the grain.”

“Do you think I go against the grain?” I couldn’t stop myself from asking.

“Of course, you not like most people. You’re honest”, Samantha says bluntly.

“How can you be so sure?”

“I can see it in your eyes”, Samantha replies barely above a whisper.

“Thanks”, I softly reply.

I look at Samantha and her eyes seem to pull me in. I smile at her and she smiles back at me shyly. Before I can stop myself I find myself leaning towards her. Samantha doesn’t need any coaxing as she does the same. In seconds our lips touch lightly. I slip my tongue into hers without hesitation. Samantha wraps her arms around my neck and before I can stop to think I gently lift her up off the couch with me. She wraps her legs around me as I walk us quickly to her bedroom not knowing where I’m going.

“Bedroom’s second on the right”, Samantha gasps as she slightly pulls her lips from mine.

I kick the door open and fall on top of Samantha on her bed. She runs her hands through my hair as I gently massage her breath.

“Do you have condoms?” Samantha asks breaking the kiss again.

I stop immediately as an embarrassed expression creeps on my face.

“N-no”, I stutter. “I’ve never done this before.”

Samantha arches her eyebrow and I feel a queasiness in my stomach.

“You mean you’re a virgin?” Samantha asks surprised.

I nod my head.

“Oh. Well there are some condoms in my top drawer. We can use those.”

“You still want me?” I ask.

“Of course”, Samantha says stroking my face. “Just follow my lead. You’ll be fine.”

I grab a few of the condoms from Samantha’s drawer. After I undress myself and Samantha, I sheath myself with a condom. I crawl on top of Samantha, who looks up at me with lust filled eyes.

“Just relax, baby”, she says wrapping her legs around my waist.

I do relax as I thrust into her making us both moan out in unison.

I wake to light gently streaming in through the window. I turn to my head to find Samantha sleeping peacefully next to me. I gently stroke her face, but something just feels off. This thing with Samantha just doesn’t feel right, it’s like everything was acted on impulse. I don’t know what came over me last night. I never slept with a girl before or slept over one’s house. Samantha’s eyes slowly open as I continue to gently stroke her face.

“Good morning”, she says groggily.

“Good morning”, I whisper.

“You want some breakfast?” Samantha asks.

“Actually, I should probably get going. I didn’t want to leave before you woke up.”

“How considerate of you”, Samantha says with a hint of sarcasm.

“No. It’s not like that. I’m just not ready for a relationship, that’s all”, I clarify.

“Neither am I, Rick. We’re friends I’m not trying to jump into a relationship with you.”

“Okay”, I say relieved.

“Now let’s get some breakfast. I make some mean pancakes.”

Samantha chuckles as I shove more pancakes into my mouth. “I’ll take you eating like a pig as a sign my pancakes are awesome.”

“They’re really good”, I mumble behind a mouthful of pancakes.

“So who was she?” Samantha asks nonchalantly.

“What?” I ask confused.

“Who’s Marva? You moaned her name when you came last night.”

“OH MY GOD! Samantha I am sooo sorry”, I exclaim dropping my fork. I didn’t remember moaning Marva’s name, just Samantha’s.

“Rick, it’s okay. We’re not together remember?” Samantha says dismissively. “And you only said it once it was really soft.”

I shake my head in disbelief. Here I was having sex with a girl and I moan out another girl’s name. Even though Samantha didn’t think much of it I still felt like the biggest jerk in the world!

“So who was she?” Samantha asks again.

“A girl I went out with in senior year. I thought she cared about me until I found out she was just using me. She was popular I was a nerd, so she broke up with me. End of story”, I sigh.

“Wow. So is she the love that inspires your writing?”

“Yes, she’s the love and some of the pain.”

“I had a boyfriend like that. He was a nobody when I dated him. But then he starts working out and reading GQ and over the summer he turns into Clive Owen. He broke up with me as soon as this popular chick told him to take her out on a date.

I couldn’t believe it. I had dated this boy since middle school when he had horrible acne and was a scrawny shrimp. And he ditches me like trash. It was mind blowing!”

“I wanted to love her. But she wouldn’t let me. I try to push her out of my mind as best I can. But I guess I’m still in love with her.”

“And that’s okay Rick. It takes time to get over those we love. They say it takes twice as long to fall out of love with someone as it did to fall in love with them.”

“Ugh”, I groan. “That’s going to take forever. I’m been in love with her since I was a toddler.”

“Whoa dude. You had it bad!”Samantha chuckles.

“Tell me about it”, I laugh.

“Well, we’ll just have to keep you preoccupied.”

“What do you have in mind?”

“How about a poetry slam later tonight?”

“Awesome.”

“And maybe a little TLC much later tonight?” Samantha purrs.

“Even better”, I say gazing into her eyes.

I sit on Amber’s bed crying softly. I’ve just told her what happened between me and Ronnie.

“I knew something like this would happen”, Amber shakes her head solemnly. “See?! I knew you should have just gone out with him.”

My head snaps up quickly, “W-What are you talking about?! You think I should have dated the guy that just tried to rape me!”

“I wouldn’t call it ‘rape’ Marva. I mean Ronnie’s been trying to get with you for so long and he just couldn’t take it anymore. You pushed him over the edge.”

“So you’re saying this is my fault?!” I ask in disbelief. My head is swimming in confusion. I can’t believe I’m hearing this come from my best friend’s mouth!

“I’m saying this little tumble you guys had wouldn’t have happened if you had just played the game!”

“WHAT FUCKING GAME?!” I jump up off the bed screaming at her.

“This game called high school, Marva! I’ve sat back and watched you fuck up what you had!” Amber screams back.

“And what did I have?”

“Everything! You had this entire school at your damn feet. And you acted like it wasn’t that important! You wanted to fuck around with losers like Rick Collins. You didn’t deserve it!”

Amber pauses as she breathes heavily. I stand looking at her in complete shock!

“I deserved it”, she says softly. “I deserved the popularity. I would have fucked Ronnie, while still dating Lamar if that’s what I had to do.”

“Who are you?” I ask shaking my head as tears fall rapidly down my face.

Amber gives me a cold look with clear envy and disdain hidden beneath it. “Amber. Bitch. It’s me Amber, your best friend.

“No! You’re not my best friend. You’re the one that caused me to lose the best thing I ever had.”

“You didn’t deserve Rick anyway”, she says shrugging her shoulders.

“Now you know how it feels to be without what you want the most.” Amber’s eyes continue to drive holes through me. Was the envy always there? How come I never saw it?

“Never speak to me again”, I say softly as I head towards her bedroom door.

“Fine”, she whispers.

“I still love you, Marva”, I hear Amber sob as I quietly close the door behind me.

***~~~***

“Wwwaaaaaahhhhhh! Wwwaaaahhhh!”

My baby sister, Josie starts crying again. I jump up from my bed and run into her room. She lay in her crib, fidgeting around as she cries loudly.

“Ssh” I coo to her softly as I pick her up in my arms and rock her gently. “Ssh. Mommy will be home soon.”

Just as I say those words I hear Mom’s car pull into the driveway. I continue to cradle Josie in my arms as her cries begin to minimize and are replaced with sighing gasps. When I hear Mom enter the front door I make my way downstairs with Josie.

“How is she?” Mom asks eyeing Josie with concern.

“She’s okay now. She was crying a few minutes ago but now she feels better”, I say as Josie now rests quietly in my arms.

Mom reaches over and gently takes Josie into her warm, waiting arms. “What time do you have to be at work?”

I stretch my arms as I yawn, “In about an hour. I’m going to start getting ready now.”

Mom nods her head as she smiles warmly at me.

“Marva, you’re such a young girl. You still have the time to be anything you want to be.”

“I know, Mom. But I’m not too young to know that the world is a cold place”, I say matter-of-factly.

“You experience the world through the people you surround yourself with. Surround yourself with cold people and the world will be cold. Surround yourself with warm people and it will be warm. You catch my drift?”

“Yes.”

“Good”, Mom states.

As I carefully fold jeans I think of what Mom said to me earlier. I still had my dreams and only graduated from high school a year ago. But I had to earn a living; I didn’t want to live with my parents for the rest of my life. I was working at H&M and saving up for my own apartment. My next paycheck would finish covering move in costs. I didn’t know where the apartment would be, except that it would be in Philadelphia.

My parents were supportive, but kept stressing that I find some kind of school. My dad even gave me a brochure for a dance school called DIOP. I knew they were desperate if they were encouraging a dance education. Mom even said whatever school I went to they would gladly foot the bill.

I was hesitant but I decided to take a chance. The past year had been rough. I had lost all of my friends after the incident with Ronnie and fall out with Amber. I voluntarily separated myself from everyone. The remaining two weeks of high school I tried to make myself invisible, even though I heard about Ronnie bragging about what an awesome fuck I was to his teammates.

I had to endure girls coming up to me and begging me to tell them how Ronnie was in bed. I had to keep from crying every time a dizzy bitch would bring it up. I never told anyone what happened between me and Ronnie except Amber. After her reaction I thought it best to keep quiet. I wanted it all to end quickly so telling my parents would be out of the question.

Ronnie made it his mission to make me feel as uncomfortable as he could. He would rub up against me when he walked by. Caress my face in the hallway to the whistles of passersby. I would smack his hand away or try to ignore his dirty words but he made the remainder of high school unbearable.

Lamar was the only one who comforted me. I remember his kind words clearly.

“Amber told me what happened, Marva. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there. I should have stayed or at least drove you home.” Lamar gave me a warm hug as I cried softly in his shoulder.

“It was my fault”, I sobbed heavily.

Lamar pulled me back and looked deeply into my eyes. “Don’t you dare listen to that shit Amber spewed! Don’t you dare! You understand me?”

“Yes”, I whispered.

“I never wanted to hit a girl before. But when she told me the shit she said to you I wanted to smash her face in. What kind of woman thinks like that?” Lamar said more to himself than to me.

“I guess we never saw the real her”, I said.

“Yeah, I guess not.”

“I’m going to have a talk with Ronnie’s ass though.”

“No”, I cried. “Don’t! I want this to end now. I don’t want anything else coming from this!”

“Marva, if he gets away with this, he’ll do it again!”

“He’ll get his! Lamar, please! Promise me!”

“Okay”, he said reluctantly. “Okay”.

Lamar kept his promise and I am forever grateful to him.

And Rick? Rick ignored me for the rest of the school year. He never spoke one word to me and when he walked past me he would look straight through me. I wanted so badly to get on my knees and ask for forgiveness but something inside me told me it was too late for that. Way too late!

***~~~***

“Marva! If you ever want to become a better dancer, you have to learn to let go”, says my dance instructor Ms. Jilson.

I hated when she called me out in front of the class like that. Here I was working my butt off to impress her, and it still wasn’t good enough.

“Yes, Ma’am”, I reply quietly.

I was in my morning ballet class at DIOP. I had gotten in to the school four months ago and it has been nothing but hard work. We practice everything; ballet, tap, African, jazz, modern, and hip hop.  In the brochure Dad gave me, it said DIOP offered the complete dance education. I see that that was no exaggeration! I have classes 4 days of the week from 8am to 5pm, with an hour lunch break.

The same week I moved to Philadelphia, I tried out for DIOP. The audition was stressful. I had to perform 3 dances consisting of ballet, modern, and jazz. To be honest I really didn’t think I had a shot against the 100 other people auditioning. These people seemed like experts to me. Most of them had much more dance experience than I did. But I guess the judges, Ms. Jilson included, saw something in me because I was one of the lucky 15 to make it into DIOP.

When I told my parents the great news, I can’t even explain the look on their faces. It was an interesting look of relief and happiness. My parents kept their promise and paid what financial aid didn’t cover on tuition, which was about $10,000. I don’t even think it fazed them, they were just happy to see their daughter in school and I was happy to have finally made them proud. It also made me feel good that my baby sister would be able to look up to her big sister, the dancer.

I changed a lot since high school. I kept more to myself nowadays. Those last few weeks of high school burned a hole in my façade. No longer was I Marva Mallory, the “it” girl at Central Bucks. I was just Marva, the quiet dance student working at H&M.

My roommates didn’t really get me but they genuinely liked me. Crystal Brown and Ramona Gold were down to earth chicks, nothing like Amber or Staci. But that was okay with me. I didn’t have to worry about them talking behind my back or cutting me jealous looks when I walked by. To them I was just a reserved girl focused on school and work; they wouldn’t even waste their time asking me to go to a party with them because I would always decline. I met them through my coworker, Joshua at the old H&M. They were looking for a roommate for their downtown apartment. Joshua knew I was planning on moving to Philadelphia and decided to mention me to them. I was a little apprehensive about living with strangers. But after meeting Crystal and Ramona to check out the apartment we ended up going to dinner afterwards. We laughed and talked easily and got to know each other better. Before dinner was over they offered to have me as their roommate and I accepted.

After class I stayed behind while everyone grabbed their belongings to make their way to African class that was next.

“Ms. Jilson, I just wanted to ask you a question?” I say when everyone had left her studio.

“Go ahead”, Ms. Jilson says tersely as she readjusted her bushy ponytail.

“Well, I was just wondering why I was only chosen to be a backup dancer in the play.”

I just had to know why. DIOP was premiering a new play entitled “The Zoot”. It was a dance homage to the music and dance of the twenties and thirties. I auditioned for a dance solo and was confident that I did really well. To my shock I got placed as a backup dancer along with most of my class.

“Ms. Mallory you do realize that we almost always place first year students as backup dancers?” Ms. Jilson asks me with a raised eyebrow.

“Yes, but…”

“You thought that you were such an exceptional dancer that you would defy the odds”.

I couldn’t stand the sarcastic smirk that Ms. Jilson wore on her face. So I turn to walk away.

“Marva let me tell you. You’re not that good a dancer. When you finally realize that, a space can be opened for a more worthy student. Anyway, I hear the community college is still accepting applications.”

I didn’t respond. I just keep walking until I was out of the studio. Why was I always surrounded by people who seemed to wish the worst for me? Was it karma for the way I had treated people? It probably was. Whatever it was it had to stop! I was making an effort at repentance in this stage in my life and I wasn’t going to let poisonous people maintain a presence in it! In spite of a nagging feeling I turn around and storm back into Ms. Jilson’s studio.

“One day!! You’ll be begging me to headline one of your shitty plays”, I cry.

Before Ms. Jilson could wipe off the stunned expression on her face, I storm back out of her studio. I haven’t even made it to the end of the deserted corridor before I break down in tears.

***~~~***

I close my laptop and get up from my desk. I had just finished reading the article that Lamar had emailed me. There was no subject in the email just Lamar’s yahoo address. I couldn’t believe what I had just read. Ronnie’s football career was over! He had broken his spine while playing and barely escaped paralysis. I knew Ronnie felt like his life was over. All he ever talked about was his future career in the NFL. I know I shouldn’t feel good about it but I do. I was happy that the man who took so much from me had lost the most important thing in the world to him! He was the reason I found the idea of a man touching me repulsive. He was the reason I barely trusted anyone. He was the reason I lost the only man who ever loved me. Maybe now he could feel some of my pain.

***~~~***

“Man that’s horrible about Ronnie. In spite of him being a total dick I feel bad for him”, I say to Lamar. Even after all the crap Ronnie put me through I felt the need to pray for him.

“Please”, Lamar snorts as he typed away on the computer. “He doesn’t deserve your sympathy.”

“I’m going to email this to Marva.”

My head snaps up at the mention of that name. I hadn’t heard it in so long I forgot what it had sounded like.

“You have her email?” I mentally kick myself for even wanting to know.

“Yeah. You want it? She’d be surprised to hear from you?”

“No thanks”, I say quickly. I jump up from the couch and go to grab my jacket.

“You sure you don’t want to come to the movies with me and Samantha?” I ask as I make my way to the door.

Lamar quickly shakes his head before I make my way outside.

My stomach twists and turns as I make my way over to the main hall at school. The decisions for our new spring play “Rio” have been put up today. I’m in my fourth year at DIOP and since I’ve been here I have never had any role better than a backup dancer in our seasonal plays. I know Ms. Jilson is one of the main causes of that. It seems as each year goes by she dislikes me more and more. She doesn’t disrespect me; she just ignores more each passing year.

There is a large crowd of students surrounding the large wall by the main office. I eagerly make my way through the crowd so I can see what became of my stellar audition. I had worked my ass off for weeks to make sure I got everything right. I wasn’t even nervous when my time came to perform; I was too excited to show off how well I had perfected my craft. My audition got a standing ovation from my teachers, who served as judges. Everyone applauded my effort and commended me on my perfect execution of the Brazilian inspired dance moves that the play was centered on. Thankfully Ms. Jilson wasn’t one of this year’s judges because she would have found some way to downplay my performance.

“Excuse me can I get through”, I say to other hopeful students who are desperately searching for their name on the cast list.

I hear squeals and sighs from the lucky and unlucky. But it’s all background noise as I eagerly look for my name. When I finally find it, it’s near the top of the list. I hold my breath as I realize I was given the role of ‘Maria’, a priest’s secret daughter who refuses to become a nun. It’s a supporting role but an essential one. I can’t help the smile that slowly creeps on my face. I’m not ecstatic, just happy.

“Marva! Marva!” I hear a voice call from behind me. I turn around quickly and notice the tall, lean man that’s my boyfriend.

I make my way out of the crowd as I move closer to him. Before I can even get any words out, he scoops me up in his arms holding me tightly.

“How did you do babe?” Tim asks.

“You first”, I respond.

“Do you even have to ask? Backup again” he shrugs.

I know that Tim doesn’t really care about his part. He was more of teacher as opposed to a performer.

“I got ‘Maria’”, I say smiling from ear to ear. I love the feel of being in his arms, the feel of being loved.

“What? No way! You should have gotten the lead! You had the best performance of anybody”, he exclaims with a deep frown on his face.

“It’s okay baby. I…”

I didn’t even get to finish as I hear a loud scream. Me and Tim both look up to see Priscilla Anderson jumping up and down with a group of her friends.

“I got it! I got it! I knew I would!” Priscilla jumps around ecstatically.

Tim and I both groan as he sets me down on my feet. Priscilla Anderson was the top dance student at DIOP. She had made the lead in every play for the past two years. No one really had a chance against her, she was just that good and the facts that she was all the dance teachers dream student didn’t help either. I respected her craft, she was exceptional, but I just didn’t like her as a person. It was nothing personal, she just reminded me too much of my old self: haughty, selfish, and rude. They say you never realize how bad your actions are until you see them acted out by another person. Being around Priscilla for the past four years made me wonder how anyone could stand me back in high school.

“Well once again DIOP’s favorite comes out on top”, Tim sarcastically scoffs.

“I don’t care”, I say smiling again. “I’m almost finished here and I’ll be leaving with a bachelor’s in dance education. I’ve gotten the most out of DIOP and that’s what matters the most to me.”

Tim looks down at me and smiles before bringing his lips to mine. We kiss softly for a few moments before he pulls away.

“I’m taking you out to dinner to celebrate”, he smiles.

If it’s possible my smile grows even wider.

***~~~***

I met Tim Jenkins in my junior year. I had seen him around and knew he was a dance education major too, but I had never spoken to him. It wasn’t until we were paired together in Ballet that we became friends. Tim was my first real male friend and friend period in years. I liked that I could talk to him without feeling like his ulterior motive was to get in my pants. We became very close throughout my junior year and would sometimes hang out around Philadelphia. I was still pretty much a loner but Tim was the first person I really allowed myself to be comfortable with. Maybe it was his gentle chocolate eyes that put me at ease.

During summer break I went back home to visit my family. I loved seeing Mom and Dad, and little Josie, who was almost four. Being with my family was great but in reality all I thought about most days was making sure I talked to Tim. And in a way I felt that’s what he thought about too. He was the first to admit that our relationship had evolved past friendship and one summer day we decided to start dating.

I don’t know what really attracted me to Tim. He was pretty nice looking, with smooth dark chocolate skin and a long lean body. But looks didn’t really do much for me anymore. He didn’t really stand out in many things, he was just average. From school, to sports, to activities he was just a normal guy. But I think it was his honesty and genuine interest in me that played a part in my attraction, plus the fact that I hadn’t had a satisfying male relationship since Rick.

We only had one problem, our relationship had been going on for a good six months and we still hadn’t been intimate. That wasn’t a problem for me; I didn’t want to move too fast. But for Tim it was something that had been bugging him.

As I sit on Tim’s couch I can’t deny the pleasure that Tim’s smooth lips cause as they caress my neck. We were watching some cheesy movie on Lifetime that caused Tim to focus his attention on me.

“Your skin is so smooth baby”, Tim purrs as I tilt my neck to allow him more access.

Tim wraps his arms tightly around my waist as he begins to suck gently on my neck.

“Tim let’s watch the movie”, I say in spite of myself. Even though I’m enjoying our play I still don’t want it to go too far.

“Marva, baby. We’ve been waiting so long”, Tim pleads as he pulls away from my neck to look at me.

I know Tim wanted it and if I were honest with myself I couldn’t pretend I didn’t fantasize about it either. But I was just so hesitant that it would be a hasty move. I didn’t want to ruin something that was going so well all because of our hormones.

“Tim I don’t want us to move too fast. I don’t want us to mess this up”, I say softly.

“Marva, I know you’re hesitant. But trust me baby. You can’t deny you don’t want this too.”

I looked away from him because I couldn’t counter his argument, he was right.

“I will never do anything to hurt you Marva. Let me make love to you baby”, Tim whispers.

“Okay”, I sigh as Tim lowers his lips back to my neck for a few soft kisses.

He gently begins to remove my clothing and lays me back on the sofa. As he stands up and removes his body I marvel at his physique. My eyes make their way down his body until they rest on his cock. It’s long but not too thick and it stands proudly as Tim makes his way over me. I hadn’t seen a cock in so long, not since…

The thought of that awful night comes racing back to my mind. All of a sudden instead of Tim’s cock, I see Ronnie’s red angry one. In fact instead of Tim, I see Ronnie all together! As Ronnie lowers on to me, I thrash and kick.

“NO!” I scream.

I fight as hard as I can to get him off of me. Something inside me gathers all my strength and as hard as possible I throw Ronnie off of me. Ronnie hits the floor with a loud thud and I run to the bathroom. I slam the door as I hear Ronnie call after me. I break down into tears because I know he’s making his way to the bathroom. A loud bang sounds on the door and I back up towards the sink.

“Marva! Baby, what’s wrong? What did I do wrong?”

I realize that the voice isn’t the cold one of Ronnie’s, but the caring one of Tim’s. Hesitantly, I walk to the door and open it slowly. There stands Tim, naked but with the most concerned and scared look on his face.

“Marva, tell me what’s wrong”, he pleads.

I can’t say anything I just collapse into his arms in tears.

***~~~***

On a cool Saturday evening, I enter an old building that sits in plain view in a quiet section of Philadelphia. Even though the building is the largest on the block, it seems to be the most ignored. No one looks at it as they walk by and no one comes in or out of the building.

The lobby is a dull white corridor with walls that haven’t been painted in years. A small desk sits in the otherwise deserted hall, with a bored looking, middle aged, Italian man sitting behind it.

“How you doin’? You hear for the survivors group?” The man asks before I can even open my mouth.

“Yes”, I answer incredulously. “How did you know?”

“Ma’am, I’ve been working in this building for thirty years. I know what someone is looking for in here before they even walk up to this desk.”

“That’s amazing”, I say as the man sports a self-satisfied smirk.

“Take the elevator to the second floor. Room 201”, he says.

“Thank you.”

When I open the door to room 201, I see a group of about ten women sitting in a circle. They all turn and look up at me, but a small brunette woman is the first one to speak.

“Hello, are you here for the rape survivors group?”

“Yes”, I say quietly.

“Well come have a seat. I’m Joanna by the way. And you are?”

“Marva. It’s nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you as well”, she answers with a warm smile.

“Well let’s get started. Why don’t we all introduce ourselves? State your name, why you’re here, and what you wish to achieve by being here.”

Each woman began to introduce herself and tell her story. When it finally came time for me I couldn’t help feel a knot in my stomach as I began to speak.

“Hi, I’m Marva. I’m here because about five years ago I was almost raped by my prom date. It didn’t go as far as it could have, but it really scarred me. I didn’t realize the extent of the damage it caused until I tried being intimate with my current boyfriend. I couldn’t do it! It just reminded of that awful night with that awful guy!”

I was getting emotional now and I pause to take a deep breath before I went on. Some of the women around me gave encouraging words as I try to continue my story.

“Take your time sister. Take your time”, the young Latina sitting next to me says.

“My boyfriend told me about this group and suggested that I go for emotional support. I want to be able to move forward from that experience. I want to free myself from the confines it has on my love and sex life. I can’t let it hold me back any longer.”

The women around me began to clap loudly.

“That was very good Marva”, Joanna says softly. “We look forward to having you with us. Thank you for allowing us to join your healing process.”

Joanna began to talk about forgiveness and coming to terms with our experiences. I was happy to finally have someone to share with. What Ronnie had done to me was indescribable and something I thought would go away if I shut it out of my mind. But now I saw I really had to come to terms with what he had done and finally move on. My future was so bright and this group was going to help me make it shine even more.

***~~~***
I study the red and white floral cover of the book in my hands.

“So how do you like the cover?” Samantha asks smiling brightly. “I think the illustrator did a pretty damn good job.”

Me and Samantha are sitting in quaint little tea shop on a rainy day. Samantha who is now my publishing agent just revealed the cover of my first novel ‘She Is…: The Search For the Ideal Woman’

“I like it. I think it fits the book perfectly. Let’s go with it”, I exclaim.

“Will do”, Samantha replies as she takes a small sip of hot tea.

“I can’t believe it. I’m finally a published author. It just took a whole year after graduating college to finally do it”, I snort.

“Rick, please. You wrote a remarkable book, most authors would’ve killed to have written, in one year. I mean this is a sure bestseller. You wait and see”, Samantha encourages.

“I sure hope so. Those student loans are starting to cloud over my head”, I say shaking my head.

“Well, you have one of the best agents at Wesley Hill publishing on your team. You have nothing to worry about.”

I can’t help but laugh at Samantha’s boastfulness. But she had a point. Samantha graduated a year before me and wasn’t out of school two weeks before she found a job. She had long ago given up her dream of being an English professor after she interned at a publishing company in her junior year. The idea of finding and producing literary talent, not to mention the prospect of a six figure income was all Samantha needed to hear. Samantha excelled at Wesley in a short matter of time. In her two years there she was already the agent behind five ‘New York Times’ bestsellers.

By the time I had graduated Samantha was already begging me to join her at Wesley Hill. She promised that she would personally work with me “to make sure the world knew the writings of Rick Collins” she had boasted. Seeing as that I didn’t have any other job offers and no one was particularly banging down my door, I took her up on her offer. Now here I sat nearly a year later with my first novel about to hit the shelves and a nationwide book tour underway.

“Didn’t I tell you if you wrote about your pain something good would come from it?” she asked matter-of-factly.

“Yeah, you did. But only time will tell in the long run”.

Samantha’s phone went off just as we had started eating again.

“Hello”, she answers.

“Yeah. I’ll be home in a little bit baby…okay…okay…love you too…bye.”

“Well I gotta run.” Samantha downs the rest of her tea before she begins to gather her things.

“Was that Lamar?” I ask biting into my scone.

“Yeah. I’ll see you later okay. I’ll call you tomorrow once everything is finalized.”

I reluctantly hand my book back to Samantha as she makes her way out the tea shop.

I smile to myself at the two love birds- Samantha and Lamar. Me and Samantha had long since stopped sleeping together, when in my junior year I had come home to the apartment I shared with Lamar to find Samantha and him getting it on on our couch. It was a pretty awkward moment with all of us not really knowing what to look at or say. I assured them that I didn’t mind and left so they could finish their rendezvous. I had never had any feelings for Samantha beyond the friend zone so I really found the whole thing quite comical.

I continue to drink my tea as I think about how in love the two of them are. I just pray I can find the same happiness and fulfillment as them.

***~~~***

“Oh Rick! Oh Baby!”

I continually pump harder and faster into the hot red head who is lying beneath me. She feels so amazing and her scent is deeply intoxicating.

“You like that Terri? Hmmm?” I ask her huskily.

“Y-yeah! God Yes!” she cries loudly. Her pussy starts to contract and in a matter of moments I feel her tremble beneath me as her orgasm takes her.

I close my eyes and let out a loud groan as I cum into the condom. Exhausted I roll off of Terri and lie on my back breathing heavily.

Terri is a girl I met at a bar about a year or so ago. We’ve only been dating for about seven months. It’s nothing romantic really, just sex and dates. Don’t get me wrong Terri is a beautiful girl but she isn’t someone I could fall in love with.

“Rick that was awesome, babe”, she says softly as she rests her head on my chest.

I kiss her lips softly and she giggles as I lightly tickle her tummy.

“Guess what?” I ask.

“What?” she smiles.

“Samantha showed off the book cover to me this afternoon. It’s great.”

“Well about time. Is it almost done?”

“Just a few more things to finalize and when it hits the shelves, I’ll hit the road on a book tour.”

“A book tour?” Terri pulls away from me with a confused look on her face.

“Yeah, I have to go on a book tour so people will know about my book, baby”

“But that means we’ll be apart”, Terri frowns.

In all the months I’ve known her, Terri never really showed that she desired my company all that much.

“It won’t be for long, I promise”, I counter.

“Rick, no offense. But I think you might want to reconsider this whole book writing thing. I mean don’t you think you should find a real job with real money”, she chides.

“Excuse me? I’ll have you know that writing is my life and the only thing I want to do. It’s my dream for God sakes”, I say getting irritated.

“Yeah but it’s not bringing in any money. I mean I like Olive Garden and all, but really it would be nice to eat somewhere more upscale for a change. You need to realize that your ‘dream’ is something that should really be just a hobby.”

I quickly snatch away from her in disgust. Getting the message Terri jumps up from the bed and begins looking for her clothes.

“When I met you, you told me you had a publishing deal. I thought you were already a successful author”, she snorts while looking for her clothes.

I angrily get up from the bed and walk over to her.

“So you thought you were snagging a guy with some money? You know what? Why don’t you just go, I see this isn’t going to work out! Don’t bother coming over again!”

“I won’t”, she nastily replies as she gathers her things and leaves. I hear her slam the front door behind her.

I kick the bed post hard and hurt my toe pretty bad in the process.

“Goddamit!”

I sit down on the bed and rub my sore foot.

‘Amazing!’ I think as I replay the argument and breakup with Terri in my mind. That had totally come out of left field. I was never really attached to her anyway. Hell, who was I kidding? I hadn’t been attached to anyone since Marva Mallory.

I shake my head in disgust. When was I going to find my ideal woman? I had just written a novel about a man who did! When was I going to find my future wife and mother of my children? Who knew? But it sure as hell didn’t seem like it was going to be anytime soon.

A strong knock on the door makes me jump in my seat a bit. “Marva! You’re on in five. Is your makeup ready?” my director calls.

“Yes, Joel. I’ll be right out”, I respond.

Tonight is the opening night of my musical “College Serenade” that would debut at the historic Wilma Theater. I’m the lead actress and dancer, playing the role of the naïve college girl looking for love in all the wrong places.

I was nervous as hell and felt like I had a million butterflies in my stomach. Critics from all over the northeast would be coming to see this musical. If it did well it could be picked up to go to Broadway. The pressure that I felt was indescribable as I adjust the bob shaped wig on my head.

I carefully look myself over in the mirror, trying hard to find any minor glitch in my costume and makeup. When I’m satisfied I quickly dash out of my dressing room and prepare to take the stage.

“You look great kid”, Joel says. “Break a leg out there!”

“Thanks”, I smile.

As I join my cast and get into position I pray to myself.

“Please let this be an unforgettable performance. Amen.”

I put a wide smile on my face as the curtain begins to ascend.

***~~~***

I sit quietly in the confines of my home staring at the blank word document on my computer screen. It was time to get back to work; I had to crank out another book. At the urging of Samantha, I had agreed to write another book for Wesley Hill. I was hot off the success of ‘She Is…: The Search for the Ideal Woman’ and Samantha said it was best to produce quickly so that I remained in the public eye. Personally, I felt that if I created quality work, who cared if I took extra time between books.  But the writing business was indeed a business and I was beginning to see that quantity sometimes overshadowed quality. Lucky for me I already had plenty of ideas of what my next novel would be about. I had over fifteen years’ worth of rough drafts stashed in a large bin in the closet.

“Bbbbrrrrinnnnggg!” “Bbbbrrrinnnggg!”

I groan loudly as I got up to answer my cell phone. I had forgotten to turn it off.

“Hey Sabrina”, I say less than enthusiastically.

“Awww. Cheer up, Rick. How’s work coming along?”

“Fine”, I groan. “I’m just not exactly happy about starting the writing process over again so suddenly.”

“I understand”, Sabrina says sweetly.

Sabrina and I kept in contact, but we had to since she was my primary physician. She had her own doctor’s office as a University of Pennsylvania affiliate.

“Well, I’ve got something that I think will cheer you up.”

“And what’s that?” I ask arching my eyebrow.

“One of my patients gave me two tickets to go see this new musical called ‘College Serenading’ or ‘College Serenade’, something like that. It’s supposed to have gotten great reviews.”

“Sooooo?” I ask impatiently.

“Jeez, hold your horses. I was trying to create a buildup”, Sabrina laughs. “Would you like to come with me?”

“I don’t know. I mean I’m not really into musicals.”

“Come on! They’re front row tickets and it’s this Saturday.”

“Front row seats? What kind of checkups do you and this patient engage in? Why can’t this patient of yours go with you?”

“Shut up!” she says defensively. “He’s very shy and quite busy. Besides, he simply said he wanted me to enjoy myself.”

“Uh-huh! Sure, I bet. It was completely innocent”, I laugh as Sabrina uncharacteristically sucks her teeth.

“Look Mr. Lonely, are you coming or not?”

“Yeah, I’ll come. But don’t let your patient know that you brought another man with you.”

“My house Saturday at 7 o’clock, the show starts at 8. See you then!” she says before abruptly hanging up.

I continue to chuckle as I sit back down at the computer. I start to type and the words begin to flow easily.

***~~~***

“What is this musical about again?” I ask Sabrina as she hands the tickets to the doorman.

“Love and college, I guess. I don’t know I didn’t really read up on it”, she answers as she adjusts the straps of the flowy, white, bohemian dress she elegantly wears.

As we make our way to our seats, I get an unnerving feeling in my stomach. Something seems off, I just can’t pinpoint what it is. I look around the theater but see nothing that grabs my attention. We sit in comfortable seats as other people begin to flood the theater.

“Seems like a pretty great turnout. I guess it must be good.”

“Hopefully”, I respond.

“So how’s the book coming along?”

“Pretty good. It’s another story about love.”

“What kind of love?” Sabrina asks quizzically.

“The unexpected kind, the kind that just comes up on you without a second’s notice. That you never thought would come your way.”

“Sounds scary.”

“It is, but it’s the most fun to experience.”

The lights in the theater begin to dim and the curtains slowly begin to rise. A chorus begins to sing, piercing the quiet theater with their voices.

“If this sucks, I will never go out with you again”, I whisper playfully.

“Ssshhh”, Sabrina quietly laughs.

Serenade me! Serenade me! Serenade for my love!

Serenade me! Serenade me! Serenade for my love!

College is filled with burgeoning lovers! Trying to fall hard for one another!

College life without love is not one worth dreaming of!...

I slouched in my seat a little scared of where this musical might be headed for the next two hours. But an angelic voice pulled me out of my slight despair. I watched closely as a beautiful, black woman took the center of the stage. But this was no ordinary beautiful, black woman, it was, it was…

“Rick, that looks like that girl you used to gush over. What was her name, Marsha…?”

“Marva. Marva Mallory.” I whisper softly.

My stomach begins to do somersaults the way it used to when I was a teenager. I get tingly chills all over my body as I watch Marva move with more fluidity and precision than she did all those years ago. She was graceful and beautiful. Her smooth, buttery skin gleaming under the stage lights and putting on display just how gorgeous she was. Her voice rang out and it was a husky purr that made my ears yearn for it to reach my eardrums again and again.

I had to get out of there. I wanted to leave. Six years later and the girl who had captured my heart and then turned around to crush it in her small hands was making me feel like the spellbound boy I used to be. But I couldn’t go, there was no way to escape. I uncomfortably looked for exit signs that illuminated the dark theater.

“She’s really great”, Sabrina quietly says. I turn to look at her and see her eyes are captured by the woman that is Marva Mallory. But she isn’t the only one; the whole theater seems to be on the edge of its seats as they watch her glide across the stage, stealing any spotlight away from the minions dancing behind her. I try my hardest not to look at her, fighting my body with my mind, when my mind feels like it may turn on me too. For God’s sake, I’m a grown man! Why couldn’t I let a little selfish prom queen go?! What was wrong with me? Was I that desperate for love that the prospect of loving Marva Mallory became feasible again? My body roared yes as my eyes struggled even harder not to look at her.

“Did you know?” I hiss at Sabrina.

 “Rick, stop being so antsy”, Sabrina says nonchalantly.

“Did you know?” Struggling to keep my voice down.

“No”, she honestly answers. “I would have told you”. She holds my eyes before looking back to the stage.

Reluctantly my eyes follow hers. They lead right to the gaze of Marva Mallory.

***~~~***

My breath catches in my throat as I end the song. The theater erupts in applause. But I hold the gaze of Rick Collins. Both of us as shocked as the other at the sight of each other. His hazel eyes reluctantly bore into mine and despite the defiance there I can clearly see his desire.

I hesitantly turn away from him as the next song begins. The butterflies flutter rapidly in my stomach as I try to concentrate but all I can think of is my long-lost love watching me perform.

‘Stay focused’, I chide myself as I perform my routine.

‘Just don’t look at him’. This is a hard thing to do when it felt like he was the only one in the theater.

For the rest of our performance, I try my best to not to look at him. But every time I give in to temptation and flick my eyes his way, I see him staring back at me.

I had hoped that during our intermission, he would come on stage as people asked for autographs but he had got up very quickly and left, only returning a couple of minutes before the show resumed.

I wanted to know. I wanted to know if he still thought of me the way I thought of him. I didn’t have a boyfriend, Tim and I had broken up shortly after school ended. I decided to end things; I didn’t feel I could be the proper girlfriend for him. He had moved to New York shortly after, and even though we talked occasionally our conversations were a bit strained.

Since me and Tim’s breakup, all I could think about was Rick. Even though I would never admit it aloud he had the biggest missing piece of my heart. A piece that could make my heart whole if he was in my life again.

***~~~***

As people begin to crowd out of the Wilma Theater, I stand with Sabrina as we try to hail a cab.

“Are you sure you don’t want to ride with me? The cab can drop you off at your place too”, she asks.

“Yeah, I’m sure. I have to do something while I’m here downtown.” I respond, while successfully flagging down a passing cab that begins to turn back towards us.

“At 10:30 at night?” Sabrina raises her eyebrows skeptically. “I hope you don’t plan on getting drunk or picking up hookers.”

I laugh loudly as I open the cab door for Sabrina.

“Very funny. How about you call your special patient when you get home and tell him what a great time you had.” I quip.

Sabrina rolls her eyes and sticks her tongue out at me. She only gets this playful when I mention her special patient.

“Whatever. Thanks for coming with me Rick. You’re a great friend.”

“Anytime sweetheart.”

I give her a quick kiss on the cheek and close the cab door. I watch as the cab drives away while I stand in front of the theater. There are still some people streaming out. I know what I’m doing and even though my mind is screaming at me for being so stupid I block it out. I don’t care anymore. I must see her. I must see Marva Mallory and finally put her behind me. The way I reacted in the theater scared me, it proved to me just how vulnerable I am and was when it came to her. Everything seems to shut down in her presence and all I can think about is how to get closer to her.

I’ve been standing outside of the theater for almost an hour when my cell phone beeps and I check to see there’s a message from Sabrina.

‘Go get her Rick. You love her, and from the looks she threw your way, she still loves you too.’

My heart jumps at Sabrina’s spot on words. Even when you don’t realize it she is always paying attention, always analyzing. I’m about to respond when a familiar voice makes me raise my head.

“Rick Collins…you have no idea what a surprise this is!”

Marva Mallory stands a few feet away from me as the theater door closes behind her. She slowly walks towards me as I put my phone away and try to hang on to the remaining strength I have left.

“Marva! Who would have thought?” I smile and she hesitantly smiles back.

She now stands several inches from me and for the first time that night I see her up close. She still looks the same, the same chocolate almond eyes, the same button nose, and those same sweet full lips. The only things different about her are her hair, which has grown several inches longer and cascades down her back in waves, and her countenance. She isn’t the flirty girl she was back in high school, she’s calmer now and, dare I say, distant. A shyness seems hidden beneath those gorgeous eyes.

“How have you been?” she asks extending her hand to mine. I timidly take it within my own and my knees almost buckle at touching her for the first time in six years.

“Great. I’ve been pretty good. How about you?”

“Good. Good. Working hard, you know.”

“I see. You were great tonight.” I smile.

“Thanks”, she blushes. In all the years I had known Marva, I had never seen her blush. Time really does have its effect on people.

“So, how long have you been doing musicals?”

“Not too long actually. I just graduated from the DIOP dance school about six months ago.” Marva smiles another shy smile and I can’t help but wonder if it is me having this effect on her or not.

“Well, you always said you wanted to be a dancer and look at you now”, I say holding her gaze with my own.

“Yeah, look at me now”, she responds quietly. “I-I read your book it was really great.”

“You read it?” I ask incredulously. “Thanks.”

“Yeah. I couldn’t believe it was you when I saw the name on the book. But when I turned it over and saw your picture I was so happy. I’m proud of you Rick, you’re living out your dream!”

“We both are”, I laugh nervously.

An awkward silence falls between us as rain lightly begins to drizzle.

“Excuse me, Miss Mallory”, a middle-aged white woman approaches us hesitantly as we still stand outside of the theater.

“Yes?” Marva asks politely.

“I don’t mean to intrude, but I just wanted to say that you gave an amazing performance tonight. Keep it up! Hopefully, I’ll come see you on Broadway soon.”

“Thank you so very much”, Marva genuinely smiles. The polite stranger nods her head at both of us cordially before turning to walk over to what I assume is her car.

“Looks like someone may have the beginnings of a fan club”, I joke lightly.

Marva smiles softly. “Hey, would you like to go to Starbucks? We haven’t seen each other in so long and it would be great to catch up. But I understand if you have somewhere else to go.” Marva rushes out the last part quickly as if she is somewhat expecting me to turn her down.

“No. No. I don’t have any other plans. Let’s go.”

We begin to make our way down the street as the rain begins to pick up.

***~~~***

“So, what has life been like for you since high school”, Marva asks as we sit in the Starbucks on Market street.

Marva lightly sips on her chai latte as I drink my tall espresso.

“Well, I graduated from Penn, which was really great. I had a fun time, I learned a lot about myself there. I really came out of my shell and met a lot of great people too, especially writers.”

“Yeah, Lamar told me they have a strong writing community there.”

“Mr. Botany’s right”, I laugh.

“Mr. Botany. That’s a good one. How was it rooming with Lamar in college?”

“It was great. We became really close. It’s amazing how high school can separate people.” I can’t help but immediately regret that last sentence. I didn’t want Marva to think I was trying to bring up our past.

Marva looks down and quietly takes a sip of her latte.

“So what about the rest of your friends from Central Bucks?” she asks a bit apprehensively. “How are they doing?”

“Well, um, Carl is a radio DJ in New York. He got the job right out of college. And he got married a couple of months ago to a sweet girl named Rose. They had been dating all through college.”

“Wow, that’s so nice”, Marva smiles. “The quiet ones always find love first. What about Jose?”

“Jose is great. He’s actually in medical school right now in California. I’m assuming he’s going to join his sister’s practice when he’s done.”

“Sabrina Lopez is his sister right?”

“Yeah, I came with her to the show tonight. She’s one of the few friends I see more so than the other ones”.

“That’s good. I’m glad to hear they’re all doing well. I didn’t really stay in contact with anyone from high school except for Lamar”.

“Really?” I ask in disbelief. That was a shock to me. I had assumed that since Marva had known so many people she would have kept in contact with at least half of them.

“Yeah, most of the things I know are just through the grapevine. I heard Amber is waitressing in upstate New York now. I’m friends with Staci and Ashton on Facebook. They’re married and live in L.A. She’s an actress and he’s a model.”

“That’s a surprise”, I say sarcastically.

Marva chuckles, “Tell me about it.”

“But Amber a waitress?”

“Let’s just say her dreams of becoming an NFL Cheerleader didn’t work out and neither did her degree in Fashion Merchandising.”

“What happened between you two? I know Lamar said something about you guys having a falling out. But you were thick as thieves.”

“It’s a long story”, Marva scoffs.

Sensing that Amber was not a topic Marva wanted to discuss, I decided to change the subject. “So, what about you? What did you take up at DIOP?”

“Dance education. At first I just majored in modern, but then I realized that I wanted to teach and perform so I switched to dance education.”

“That’s great, Marva. So how did you get this role?”

“You know what? I honestly have to chalk it up to sheer luck. When you’re auditioning these producers and directors don’t care about how much ‘education’ you have, they only care about your ability to deliver an exciting and believable performance. I was totally shocked when they called me back to audition again and I almost had a heart attack when they offered me the role”.

I couldn’t help but feel so much happiness for Marva. Back in high school, Marva’s face would light up at thought of being a professional dancer, now she had made it a reality. Who would have thought? This Marva sitting across from was a world away from her old self. She was now a woman who was living her dreams without the approval of others; I couldn’t help but try to suppress the feeling of admiration that was slowly coursing through my body.

“So…did you like my book”, Rick asks as he finishes off his espresso.

Rick still looked like Rick. The tall slim figure was still there but it had filled out with muscles that added maturity to his form. His hair was still red with blonde traces but he wore it in a crew cut now. His piercing hazel eyes were still beautiful and he wore a few laugh lines that added a ‘grown man’ appearance to his handsome face.

“Yeah, but I can’t help but thinking that the character ‘Nadine’ was loosely based on me”, I say quietly.

“Well”, Rick responds with his eyes now on the empty coffee cup. “I do get inspiration from those in my life.”

“I can’t say that I wasn’t a good inspiration for one of the bitchiest characters ever in a romance novel.”

Rick’s head snaps up very quickly. “Marva, I-I wasn’t trying…”

“No, it’s okay Rick. I get it. I was a bitch to you back then. And unfortunately, I never got to tell you how sorry I was for the way I treated you. It wasn’t until I lost so much that I realized how valuable and special you were to me.”

Rick sits quietly and listens to me as I continue.

“You know you were the first and only guy who ever truly loved me unconditionally. It wasn’t because I was popular or pretty. It was because you just loved me and I can’t help but regret the way I treated you, Rick. I’m so sorry.” I lower my eyes and nervously look at the small wooden table. “I just wish people, mainly myself, hadn’t gotten in the way of something that could have blossomed into something beautiful…when you told me you loved me I shut you out and let the mean, selfish Marva take control.”

“People forget the power that high school has. It changes kids. Makes them create a world so far from reality it’s almost psychologically damaging. I look back on those years at Central Bucks and can’t help but feel the awful dread of embarrassment at how I acted all those years ago. I wasn’t just a bitch to you or the other ‘nobodies’ there, I was the biggest bitch to myself and it took me until the final weeks of senior year to realize that.”

By this point, Rick’s head was down as well focusing on the table we shared. He hadn’t uttered a word and he didn’t have to, I know he was absorbing everything I said.

“I-I’m sorry”, I sigh deeply. “So sorry Rick. I don’t think you’ll ever understand how fucked up high school left me.”

I stop before I divulge too much. High school memories always bring out the saddest feelings inside of me. We sit in silence for what seems like forever, neither one of us raising our heads. To passersby, we probably look like two awkward friends with their heads bent sharing a late-night meditation.

“It left me pretty fucked up too, Marva”, Rick admits breaking our silence. “My love life especially…all I ever thought about was you.”

Rick looks up at me with his piercing hazel eyes as I raise my head to meet his gaze.

“Why?” I ask in shock.

“Because you were the only girl I ever loved. When you broke my heart all those years ago, the reason why I pulled away so harshly was because the girl of my dreams had rejected me because I didn’t match her expectations. I resented you but that couldn’t keep me from loving you.”

“Wow…I don’t know what to say” I sigh.

“You don’t have to say anything; you’ve always known how I felt”

In that moment, I realized that the boy I was certain would hate my guts until the end of time, still loved me. I realized that Rick’s love although restrained and drenched in justifiable anger was still unyielding and forgiving. I realized that Rick was the one I always needed and that the only thing that kept us apart was my stupidity.

I couldn’t help it as the tears begin to slowly slide down my face. I quickly turn my head away from Rick, embarrassed at my sudden display of the raw emotion that was harboring inside of me for all these years.

I feel a large warm hand cover my small one and begin to rub it soothingly. “Don’t cry Marva. Please, don’t”, Rick says in a calm and solemn voice.

Instead of his words soothing me they cause my tears to stream faster down my face. I try with all my might to stifle the sobs that begin to rack through my body.

Rick stands up suddenly and walks over to me, I feel his strong arms wrap around me and lift me from my chair. Feeling safe I rest my head on his chest and hug him tight as he slowly rocks me from side to side.

Luckily there aren’t that many people in the Starbucks at this time of night but I can’t help, but feel embarrassed at the scene we must be making.

“I’m sorry. S-s-so sorry, Rick.”

“Ssshh, it’s okay. Let’s move past it now.”

We stay like that for a few more minutes until my crying begins to slack up and I gently pull back from him to look in his eyes.

“I don’t want to take up all your time”, I whisper afraid that he is growing tired of my cry-baby tears.

“No. No. It’s fine”, Rick soothes. “Let me take you home.”

My heart flutters a bit and I slowly nod my head in the affirmative. I stand quietly as Rick pulls away from me and gathers our trash from the table and throws it away. He walks back up to me and gives me a gentle smile as he wraps his arm around my shoulder and leads us out into the dark steady rain.

***~~~***

“Would you like to come upstairs”, I ask Rick as we stand at the door of my new apartment building.

After getting my role in College Serenade I could get my own spot. Even though I loved rooming with Crystal and Ramona there was nothing that could beat having my own apartment to myself.

“Sure”.

As we make our way into my apartment I silently thank God that I cleaned it up earlier this week.

“I know it’s just a studio, but I love it”, I say self-consciously.

“It’s beautiful. It looks just like the sort of place you would live. Well decorated and comfy.”

“Thanks”, I smile as I make my way to the kitchenette. “Please have a seat anywhere you want. Would you like a glass of wine?”

“Yes, thank you”. Rick takes a seat on my daybed and leans back on the bronze embroidered pillow sitting atop it. While I pour us both a glass of wine, I steal glances at him. Rick seems so much confident than he used to be in high school. I can’t help but feel like in these six years we did a personality swap, where I acquired his fidgetiness and he acquired my self-assurance.

“You’ve really filled out since high school”, I say as I hand him his glass of Rosé.

“Well, I started going to the gym a lot in college. It was a great stress reliever”, he laughed.

I chuckle with him as another awkward silence seems to drift over us. I can’t think of what to say to Rick, there have been so many unspoken words between us it seemed wrong to say them now.

Rick and I exchange nervous glances as we sip the remnants of our wine.

“Well that was good”, Ricks sighs as he places his glass on the coffee table. “It was really good seeing you and catching up”.

Rick stands up and looks as if he’s about to ready himself to leave. A panic starts to rush through my veins at the thought of him leaving…we had been apart for so long it didn’t seem right to separate so soon.

“If you’re free next weekend, maybe- ”

“Do you have to leave?” The sound of the desperation in my voice shocks me and from the taken aback expression on Rick’s face, I’m sure it shocks him too.

“Not if you don’t want me to. I just didn’t want to intrude on you…” Rick looks down to the floor and gives me a glimpse of the shy boy that I once knew so well.

I set my glass down on the coffee table and stand up and walk over to Rick. Maybe it’s the wine or maybe it’s the close proximity of both our bodies but in that moment, all I want to do is wrap my arms around Rick’s neck and kiss him.

As if reading my mind Rick suddenly looks up at me and his hazel eyes bore into my brown ones with an intensity that I hadn’t seen in so many years. Even though my hands are shaking I do what my heart is urging me to do…I lean closer to Rick, wrapping my arms around his waist and connect my lips to his.

Rick groans as we stand over my bed pressing our lips together softly. I feel his strong arms finally wrap around my body. We stay in that position, kissing and caressing for a few minutes until Rick pulls away. His face is red and his lips are plump from our prolonged exchange.

“Where do you want this to lead to Marva?”, Rick asks breathing heavily.

“I…I’m not sure”, I answer. I want Rick, but past demons hold onto me and I don’t know if I can take that step. I pull away from Rick frustrated and sit on the bed.

“I’m really fucked up now, Rick. I don’t know if I can be the woman for you”. Tears begin to well up in my eyes as I recall that trigger that seems to set off every time I try to be intimate.

“What are you talking about, Marva? You’re all the woman I need”. His voice is so genuine and loving as he sits down on the bed next to me. I feel Rick’s arm wrap around my shoulder and gently pull me towards him.

Inhaling the smell of soap and cologne that lingers on his body, I wonder when he got so sexy. Breathing deeply, I refocus my attention onto the beautiful man sitting next to me.

Remember Marva. We must live in the present in order for the past to lose its hold. When a man who loves you, caresses you, embrace it. Don’t let what happened that night stop you from embracing real intimacy.

Joanna’s words rise in my mind as I lift my hand to grip Rick’s shirt. Tilting my face upwards, I try again and place my lips back onto his. Rick is so patient as he lets me take the lead when I pull away this time it’s so I can begin to unbutton his shirt. I caress the soft freckled skin as his shirt slips down his arms. Rick’s breathing becomes more labored as I place light kisses on his chest.

“Marva”, Rick whispers gently. The feel of Rick’s hands caressing my skin under my shirt gives me more confidence as I raise up to sit on his lap. Fearlessness comes over me as I begin to grind my soft body against the hardness of his.

“Mmmmm, let’s take this off”, Rick groans as he raised my shirt up over my head.

“R-Rick”, I moan as he unhooks my bra. My breasts spring free and immediately Rick presses his mouth to my nipple and begins to suck.

I press my body against him as he slowly lies down on the bed, with me straddling him and his mouth still connected to my nipple. Rick’s hands begin to unbutton my jeans and work them down my thighs.

My panties are next and I can’t help but be a little embarrassed that I haven’t shaved in a while.

“I don’t mind, baby. I love all of you”, Rick mutters huskily as he notices me hesitate.

His kind words force me to remember how selfless and loving Rick is. How could I have ever let him go before? For a moment, I cringe at the thought of our last encounter, but all that is in the past now. Central Bucks is dead to us both. We’ve been resurrected and our love is finally free to spread its wings.

Pulling me out of my thoughts I feel Rick’s soft, but strong hands grip my ass. Leaning forward I capture his lips in a slow, sensual kiss.

***~~~***

If a week ago someone had told me that Marva Mallory would be in my arms at this moment, I would have punched them in the face. What a cruel joke! To even pretend that the unattainable girl next door, the girl who turned her back on me, would be in my arms grinding her body against my own.

If a week ago someone had told me that at this very moment my cock would be centimeters away from Marva’s wet pussy, I would have kicked them in the nuts. What a vulgar joke, that would only resort in my balls turning blue, as my heart cries out in despair.

But this was real, it was no cruel or vulgar joke. And as I slowly ran my cock up and down Marva’s swollen lips, I felt like I would explode.

“Please, Rick”, Marva moans desperately. “Please show me what love feels like.”

Gently, I begin to push into Marva. Since Central Bucks, I had been with a few girls. Girls I met at parties, bars, or the occasional friend with benefits. But none of them felt like this. Marva’s insides felt like the smoothest silk that had ever encased my dick.

“Mmmmmm!!”, she moans.

The tightness of her pussy let me know that this was either her first time or she hadn’t had sex in a while. I use all the resolve I have in my body not to slam into her, I couldn’t risk hurting her. I had waited years for this and I was not about to ruin the sensuality of the moment.

I keep sliding in until I feel her tense. Scrunching up her face, she yells out in obvious pain. My earlier assumption had been right; she was still a virgin. I couldn’t help the pride that filled my heart. I was going to be Marva Mallory’s first.

“It’s gonna hurt a little more Marva. But I promise the pain will go by fast”, I whisper into her ear.

“I trust you”, she says while nodding her head. Her soft hair grazing my cheek.

I turn her head to me and deeply kiss her, while I simultaneously shove my cock into to the hilt. Marva loudly moans into my mouth as I notice her beautiful eyes welling with tears.

Slowly, I start to rotate my hips as I push in and out of her. Her pussy gets wetter as it grips my cock like a vise.

“Rickkkkk! Rick!!”, Marva moans as tears spill from her eyes. Marva’s full hips start to pump against mine as her moans get louder. I can’t help but groan as she bites her bottom lip and holds my gaze as we fuck.

Our pace quickens, as I start to piston harder in and out of Marva’s sweet pussy. Our groans fill the room as her bed squeaks with each hard thrust we deliver against one another. I can feel it and my god I can see it as Marva’s eyes roll back in her head, as she begins to pant through a hard orgasm. Sliding one of my hands down to her clit, I rub frantically until her screams get louder. Her pussy squeezes my cock so hard, I’m almost certain she’s on her second orgasm. At the same time, the familiar feeling of my load shooting from my balls to my cock gets even more intense. The groans I let out drown out the sound of my girl’s moans, as my cum starts to fill her eager pussy.

Marva collapses against my body, as she wraps her arms around me. Our hearts beat in sync as our breaths come out in pants. I stroke Marva’s soft hair as I feel tears slide from her eyes onto my chest.

~~~***~~~

I wake up to the sunlight penetrating through Marva’s sheer purple blankets. I reach out to caress her body, but the space next to me is empty. Sitting up, a slight despair courses through my body. ‘Marva, please don’t leave me again baby’. But as the smell of bacon reaches my nostrils, I start to relax.

Jumping up I slip on my boxers that were carelessly tossed aside last night and follow the bacon-y smell towards the kitchenette. Marva stands over the stove, her attention focused on the frying pan as she checks for bacon that’s finished cooking. I walk up to her and wrap my hands around her waist. She tenses at first but then relaxes when she looks up and realizes it’s me.

“Good morning, babe”, she smiles up at me. “Babe” was so odd to hear coming from Marva’s mouth. She never struck me as the type who would use pet names, but I loved the way it sounded coming from her lips.

“Good morning, beautiful”, I reply. Returning her endearment with one of my own.

“Have a seat”, she motions to her small dining table. “The pancakes are keeping warm in the oven”.

I walk over to the table and sit down. Endearments and breakfast the morning after making love, this was shaping up into a beautiful reunion.

My stomach audibly growls as I watch Marva fill a plate with blueberry pancakes, strawberries, and of course bacon. She chuckles at my hunger, while she drizzles maple syrup over the delicious meal.

“I hope you like it! I started cooking after high school, it’s really therapeutic”. Marva set the plate down in front of me before she began making a plate for herself.

“Therapeutic, huh?” I say as I shovel pancakes into my mouth.

“Yeah…”, she whispers. “Those last few weeks of high school took a toll on me emotionally.”

I look at Marva as she lowers her head down. I wonder what she could be referring to. Sure, there were rumors that Marva had a big falling out with her friends, but at the time I couldn’t bring myself to care enough to find out why.

In college, Lamar had always hinted that Amber and Ronnie had done Marva dirty. But again, I was too bitter and angry to ever try to get any full answers. But something had happened in these last six years that had changed Marva. She wasn’t the vocal and confident girl I once knew. She was more reserved and unsure about herself. Something bad had happened. Why else would she say she was “fucked up” last night?

We ate in silence but I didn’t mind too much because this was one of the best breakfasts I had in a long time. Marva the Cook, as always she was full of surprising talent and skill.

“Good?”, Marva asks smiling at my sated look.

“Perfect!” I smile back.

When we finish, Marva takes our plates and put them in the kitchen sink. It’s Sunday and I don’t have anything planned. To be honest, I just want to spend all my time with Marva. As if reading my mind, Marva pulls me from my thoughts.

“I don’t have anything planned for today because I usually get every other Sunday off. D-Do you want to just chill here for the day? I-I understand if you have plans though…”, she stammers gazing at me shyly.

“No. I would love to spend the day with you. Besides we have so much to catch up on. It’s been six years.”

I want Marva to realize that I want to be here with her. Everything about her approach with me, screams how genuinely remorseful she is about our falling out all those years ago. I guess she expected me to be a lot angrier with her than I am. I would be a liar if I said I wasn’t still angry and hurt, but one thing is for certain I never stopped missing Marva. Or stopped loving her…

“Great!” Marva beams. She starts to walk into her living room and I follow behind her.

For the rest of the day, Marva and I watched movies, ate, kissed, and laughed. By the evening we were cozied up on the couch watching a movie on HBO. To be honest, we were more so talking while the movie played in the background.

“So are you going to Lamar’s wedding?” I ask. Lamar and Samantha had been engaged for about 8 months and were planning their wedding for next year. Samantha being so eager to get the word out didn’t waste time on RSVP cards, she just sent a massive group text to all her friends.

“Of course! Even though I’ve never met his fiancé. Samantha is her name, right?”

“Yeah”, I say not being able to quell the discomfort in my stomach when I thought back to a time when Samantha and I were more intimately acquainted.

“Well she has to be a special girl if she’s nailed down Mr. Grimes”, Marva laughs.

“Yeah, she is. You’ll like her when you meet her”.

“It’s so great that you made so many great friendships. College really is where you meet friends for life”, Marva smiles.

“That’s true”, I acknowledge. “But I think the best friends I still have are the ones I’ve known since high school”.

Marva scoffs, “I wish I could say that. Every friend that I ever made at Central Bucks, I lost.

“Marva? W-What happened after we split up?” I ask quietly.

Marva looks up at me with a wounded look in her eyes. Something tells me that whatever happened will give me a glimpse as to why “Marva the Prom Queen” is now a fragment of the past.