Chapter One
John and Taylor were about to get on her last good nerve. They had seemed to be tag teaming her all day. First it was Taylor being constantly under foot asking her every ten minutes what else he could help her do. So Joss had given him a list of last minute house cleaning touches for him to accomplish. And even with that he was still at the kitchen door constantly asking her if she was ok, feeling alright or if she wanted him to take over and finish whatever she current had her hands on or in. She was about to hand him his head on a platter when she had heard the shower upstairs turn on. John was awake.
When John had finally gotten in at 3 in the morning he was exhausted. This last number must have been very hard for him because she hadn't seen him for two days. Joss had started to worry that he would miss tomorrow, well now later today. John had barely gotten his suit coat off when he tried to not disturb her by gently laying on the bed and promptly fell asleep. Joss no longer slept well unless John was by her side so whether John had clothes on or off or got into bed quietly or not didn't really matter to Josh. She was just happy he was in bed with her. After she took his shoes off Joss climbed into bed and pulled the covers over them. Finally, Joss snuggled comfortably into his side and John unconsciously puts his arm around her waist and pulls her tighter to him. Joss breathes John in and thanks God that he came home in one piece...this time.
Joss listened to John take a quick shower and then he was in the kitchen by her side helping her prepare their first Thanksgiving dinner as a family. She was beginning to get use to it but it still amazed her that someone John's size could move so quickly and quietly. He knew that entering a room so quietly would sometimes startle her but it always made her break into a small smile after she of course gave him "the look" for sneaking up on her. The smile was a mixture of knowing that John knew she wasn't really mad at him and of pride that her man was so good at what he did.
"One day I'm gonna bell you, you know that right?" Joss sneered at John. John just smirked at her and opened the fridge looking for the ingredients he need for his stuffing.
She figured the hand off had been made when John came downstairs because Taylor was suddenly nowhere to be found, sort of. Joss could still hear Taylor puttering around probably finishing that final touches list she had given him a few hours ago, but he was no longer popping in and out every 5 minutes to check up on her. John was buzzing around working on his part of the dinner but also asking every two minutes if she was ok, needed anything or wanted him to finish anything she was working on.
Even though Joss was beginning to feel like a small break was in order she realized that she was about an hour behind in her cooking. Dinner was to be served at 2 p.m. and she still had the candied yams, mashed potatoes and Mac and cheese to prepare. She also realized she was an hour behind because she didn't get up when she was supposed to this morning. Joss had been so comfortable snuggled up with John she didn't want to disturb him when she got up. So to give him more time sleeping she didn't get up when she knew that she should have. Nahh, that wasn't the truth. She just didn't want to get out of bed and leave his side.
After John had come home Joss had fallen into a very rest full sleep. No bad dreams had, for a change, awakened her or John through the night. Because their nights were often interrupted and spent apart from each other they relished waking up to and in each other's arms when they could. Joss had awoken about 15 minutes before the alarm was supposed to snatch them from sleep so she turned it off so it would not wake John. The next 45 minutes Joss spent first just watching him sleep and then, with her head on his chest, listening to the soft susurrus of his breathing and the steady beating of his good, brave and loving heart.
So yeah it was her fault that she was behind. Yes she was getting a little tired and probably needed a small break. But their constant hovering and wheedling her about overdoing had her at the tipping point. John had just asked her for the umpteenth time if she needed any help. Joss didn't keep a diary but they were all about to see an angry black woman. As she quickly turned from the fresh garlic she was crushing for the mashed potatoes to face John, Joss opened her mouth to light into him for, once again, being overprotective of her. The look in his eyes made her retort to John's last furtive inquiry about how she was doing turn to dust in her throat and rocketed her back to the day of her fifth physical therapy session.
"Your healing well and coming along very fast Detective Carter." Shelly Botelle, Joss' physical therapist said with a big smile. Shelly had heard that the police officer that had been shot in the heart by a dirty cop had survived and after some recuperation was going to need physical therapy. Shelly determined right then to become that cop's therapist. The story had made the news. The detective that had made the story had so intrigued and inspired Shelly that she had found out as much as she could about her and was determined to do all she could to help Detective Carter recover and get back to her life and son as soon as possible. New York couldn't afford to lose one of the good ones. Because according to the papers, with all of the corrupt cops Detective Carter had exposed there weren't very many good cops left.
On most days Shelly's touch of hero worship didn't bother Joss very much. However today she must have gotten up on the wrong side of the bed because she was feeling a bit out of sorts and Shelly's off and on fawning over her was making Joss short tempered. Even though the therapy to build the chest muscles on her left side was light weight and not very challengeing Joss would break into a sweat within the first five minutes of a therapy session and be exhausted ten minutes later. She reined in the snide remark she was about to give and instead gave Shelly a small smile and a civil reply.
"Thanks Shell. I'm determined to get out of here ASAP. I'm dreading the pile of paperwork that's waiting for me on my desk at the precinct when I get back." Shelly's hero meter went up another two notches.
"Yes Harold?" John said as he dropped his hand from his ear. Being so focused on her therapy sessions Joss had almost forgotten that John was there. He moved away from them out into the hall to complete his conversation with Finch. The soft sound of his voice started to lull Joss to sleep where she lay on the exercise mat. She was tired, exhausted even, had to be. How else could she forget John?
John, who was the first face she saw when she woke up after being in a coma for a month. John who first held her hand and later would climb into the hospital bed and hold her trembling body when she would wake up in the middle of the night screaming Simmons's name and crying out for John. John who, without saying one word, reminded her with his presence by her side night and day that she was stuck with him and was no longer alone. John, who held her, stroked her hair and wiped the tears from her cheeks when the pain meds had worn off and there was still two hours left before she could take the next dose.
"I could never forget John." Joss murmured. "How do you forget how to breath?" she sighed as she drifted off to sleep.
"Hey sleepy head," Shelly said as she gently shook Joss' shoulder to rouse her. It had been about ten minutes and Joss had already started to have a very pleasant dream about her, Taylor and John enjoying a meal at the Lyric dinner. It seemed like they were celebrating something because they were all smiling and very happy.
"Come on Joss," Shelly encouraged her as she shook her again. "We only have another 15 minutes and then you're done for the day. Besides, that gorgeous husband of yours is waiting to escort you back to your room where a delicious dinner from Chez Le Hospitàl is awaiting you."
Her husband. Joss wasn't crazy about that little ruse and was gonna' let John and Finch know just where she stood on that when she felt well enough to really care about it. But she was happy that John was here with her. John said it was the only way they would allow him to be privy to her medical information and 24/7 visits. Joss started to chuckle but when she inhaled she felt like someone was standing on her chest and she couldn't breathe. As Joss tried to talk, her face contorted in pain. Shelly's voice rose as she asked Joss if she was alright. John had just completed his call with Finch when he heard the alarm in Shelly's voice and barreled into the room to see Joss clutching her chest and writhing on the floor in pain. Joss was breathing in short sharp pants and had broken out in a sweat.
"Ok Joss. I'm going to the nurse's station for help. Try to stay calm and lay still till I get back. Mr. Warren please try to keep your wife calm." Shelly instructed as she hurried from the room.
John felt useless and adrift. He didn't know what to do to help Joss. Joss's grip on John felt like she was breaking all the fine bones in his hand. He'd gladly endure the pain if it helped her to get through this. "What can I do to help you," John plaintively asked his voice thick with emotion.
To Joss the pain seemed to be getting worse by the second. Through gritted teeth and labored breaths Joss ground out "Up." He started to pick her up but she shook her head no and forced out "Sit." John nodded his understanding and had moved behind Joss to support and help her to sit up when Shelly and the cardiologist on call hustled into the room with a crash cart and emergency team in tow.
On sitting up Joss could now pull more air in her lungs because the pain had reduced significantly and she was breathing a little easier. The doctor had seen her breathing become less labored after Joss sat up and began to gather information from her while she leaned back on John's chest for support. After a brief examination and a few questions from the cardiologist they were told that Joss was probably suffering from acute pericarditis. He was concerned however that Joss may have developed a more serious complication and was going to send her to imaging to check on that immediately.
John and the orderlies placed Joss on the gurney and strapped her down in a sitting position then readied her for the trip to imaging. Her breathing had started to become a little labored again. They held each other's hands, fingers intertwined as they all walked with Joss on the gurney to the imaging department. With a quiver in his voice that only Joss knew was there, John asked, "What's the more serious condition Doctor and what will the next step be if it's found?"
Chapter Two
"Mr. Warren let's not get ahead of ourselves. Imaging first then further diagnosis, planning and treatment. With the rapidity of your wife's pain its most likely that we have caught it early. If it is pericarditis a simple addition of a NSAID to her medications will get her back on the right path."
They had arrived at the imaging room and were preparing to take Joss in. Even though they told John he couldn't go in with her he quietly found a protective apron and was putting it on to go in with Joss when she grabbed his left hand and shook her head no. As he started to protest Joss took his left hand in both of hers and closing her eyes, gently brought it to her lips and released it with a gentle kiss to his palm. John cupped her right cheek and softly stroked it with his thumb. With a soft sigh of frustration John bowed his head and acquiesced. The trembling hand John removed from her soft skin caused her to look up at him. If the kiss in the morgue hadn't let her know how special she was to John then the look in his eyes right now left no doubt.
John's eyes had become a deep vibrant blue with very little grey to mute the intensity of them. She remembered his eyes had turned that color during their game of I'll show you mine if you show me yours... in the morgue just before he told her she had changed him. And then, he kissed her. She had become confused and uncertain then because what she saw when John was looking in her eyes was a reflection of what she had finally admitted to herself she was hoping for for the past few months. Then Finch called with his bad timing and the ramifications of that kiss got lost in what was happening all around them. But the possibilities that kiss had thrown up in the air followed her around the rest of the night like a small snow flurry and settled around her all the next day. HR was mostly gone and her heart was lighter and even a little giddy when she went to get John from the cop shop and she was letting those rampant possibilities sneak to the front of her heart . Until.....
What Joss saw in John's eyes that night in the morgue was still there but there was something new also and John's trembling hand brought it into sharp focus for Joss. John Reese was scared. And a scared John Reese terrified her. Joss had only seen him this frightened one other time since she met him. If Finch hadn't seemed to need Root around Joss was sure that after Root had kidnapped Finch and John rescued him and captured her the police would have never found Root's body.
The fear in his eyes broke her heart and made her cry. John gathered her gently in his arms and rubbed comforting circles on her back to reassure her that they would face this new challenge together, he'd be there for her, he'd be strong enough for the three of them. But Joss wasn't crying for herself or any new physical problem she may yet face. She cried for John and that she was the one responsible for the fear behind his beautiful blue eyes. In that instant Joss knew what he stood to lose if she didn't make it through this new problem. Finch had told her what John had done before any of them knew that she had survived Simmons murder attempt. She had almost, no they all had almost lost this good man she had the privilege to have love her and be in her life.
As the imaging techs took her into the room Joss vowed she would spend the rest of her life removing and keeping at bay as many fears for her from John's eyes, his face and most of all his heart that she could. So when she turned to John in the kitchen with bits of garlic dangling from the press in her hands Joss had every intention of telling him that they needed to stop hovering and she can take care of herself. But she looked into his eyes and saw it and the words turned to dust in her throat. Joss nibbled on her bottom lip, gently put down the press and kissed her husband sweetly and tenderly. John melted in to her and the kiss.
As the kiss deepened and John opened his mouth at the entreaty from her tongue, Joss sighed into the kiss. "You're a good husband Mr. John Riley. I done good when I said yes to you." John broke the kiss and leaned back to look at her. "Joss are you ok?" She shakes her head yes and lovingly smiles at him. Joss reaches up to softly smooth the worry lines over his brow. Johns voice lowers and gets thick when he tells Joss, "No I'm the one that done good Mrs. Jocelyn Riley when I finally let you in my heart," and he returns her kiss gently. When they break the kiss Joss announces, "I am a little tired so I think I'll let my boys step in and take over for a bit and a nap sounds pretty nice right now. If Fusco and Sameen get here early please keep them out of the kitchen and the food until everyone else gets here."
By way of parting to go take said nap Joss trails kisses on John's forehead, nose, wonderful high cheek bones, sensuous neck, down his strong chest stopping at the bottom of the v of his open shirt and back up to linger on his lips briefly. Her final kisses are for those beautiful eyes of his that could see her, see through her, see into her and told her all she needed to know about his love for her and their family. While the feel of her lips still linger on John's closed eyelids, Joss lightly states, "Now, Momma's gonna' go take a nap." As she starts for the staircase Joss flips him a little wink and a wave while his lustful gaze follows her swaying hips all the way to the stairs.
John had stopped chopping the stop light peppers for the stuffing when she had kissed him and she knew he was watching her. She also knew the sounds coming from behind her meant that John was getting ready to follow her upstairs. So Joss tosses over her shoulder with a lilt in her voice, "No, no Mr. Riley, you stay in the kitchen and finish what you need to. I need to get a little rest so that your dessert will be good and hot after everyone's gone home tonight, because it's good and ready right now." She gave a throaty laugh when she heard John say something under his breath, right after he dropped the knife.
At the top of the stairs John hears her tell Taylor to not forget his tooth brush. "What do I need my tooth brush for mom?" Taylor asked confused. "So you can brush those babies after you have French toast at your Granma's tomorrow morning," Joss said from her bedroom door. "Aw mom, again? Does Granma know I'm spending the night?" "She will in ten minutes when you go down stairs and ask her baby. After you pack go help John with whatever he needs please. He kicked me out of the kitchen so I'm gonna' take a nap." On the way to his room Joss hears Taylor grumble, "Why do newlyweds need so much time by themselves? It's not like you guys don't see each other every day." He laughingly gets a trio of the same answer from his mom, John and Granma. "You'll understand when you get older," they all say in unison. Taylor feels a little ganged up on and responds, "Yeah, but you're not even newlyweds any more. You've been married almost 3 months now."
About 20 minutes later Joss hears Taylor go downstairs to help John. She had assembled most of the ingredients for the last dishes before she went to take her nap and she's confident that between her two guys they would be able to complete the dinner. She thinks she might even stay up here and relax until just before 2 p.m. when the guest start arriving. As she lay on the divan in their bedroom enjoying the different smells of the day that house was now full of, the soft strains of some Gospel radio station that her mom had found gently climbs the stairs to her room. It was currently playing a rotating list of contemporary Black Gospel and holiday music. Joss could just make out the lyrics to one of her favorite Walter Hawkins song "Be Grateful". Lady Tremain Hawkins was singing that song and working that refrain. The song made her think about another song she used to like as a child. Joss wasn't sure if she remembered all of the words but when she started singing it in a sweet soprano the words sprang to the front of her memory and escaped from her lips.
Count your blessings name them one by one
Count your blessings see what God has done
Count your blessings, name them one by one
Count your many blessings see what God has done.
Joss knew she had to apologize to Taylor, John and her mom for the ungrateful way she had started this day with them. She knew she had so much to be extra thankful for this year. She was thankful she was given another year to spend with her son who she had seen change so much in the past few years. That she had so much health and strength after the year she had been through was nothing short of a miracle and she was thankful for it every second, of every minute, of every hour, of every day. Watching Taylor accomplish and attain his goals even throughout their ordeals of the past three years, how he handled his relationships with John and Paul and listening to him and John work together in the kitchen made her thankful and proud of the young man he was becoming.
Her mother who is as stubborn and unyielding on some things as she is was still with her on this side to sometimes argue with and most of the time love on. She was thankful that even though she would never be a cop again because of the damage to her heart from the GSW she was still going to be helping people by using her law degree and practicing law. She was thankful that Fusco had turned his life around and become the man, the detective and father that she had suspected he was when he first became her partner. She was thankful that she was done with HR and, much to John's chagrin, she had taken them down legally.
Harold Finch. What an interestingly strange man but she was thankful for him too, especially for what he had done for Taylor. Even though Joss and Finch had a rocky start because she had gotten John shot and all, Harold had become part of her family now. It seemed strange but she had a new set of running buddies and if everyone's schedule worked out right The Estrogen Brigade, meaning her, Sam and Zoe would kick the boys butt's at a cutthroat game of charades later in the evening. She had even invited Root to dinner. But she was fairly certain she wouldn't show. And to be honest Joss wasn't quite sure if she was thankful about Root or not. Even the hair that Bear was currently shedding on the sofa and rugs was something she was thankful for this year.
Bear had helped Taylor during her shooting and recovery. During her stay in the hospital, especially the first month or so, Harold had left Bear with Taylor. Having to take care of Bear drew Taylors focus to something other than the life and death struggle his mother was going through at the hospital. Bear was always there to listen, go for a run, comfort and offer Taylor a loving doggie grin and a slobbery kiss when things got to be a bit much for Taylor. Bear the protector therapy dog. He'll rip your attackers face off then lick yours to help you through the trauma of it all. Ya gotta love him!
How could she not be thankful for the great strides that Paul had made in his life in the last few years? Joss was so thankful he had finally gotten help for the PTSD and for the relationship he was building with their son, Taylor. She was thankful that the fear she had, that the PTSD Paul suffered from would permanently separate him from Taylor, had not and now would not come to pass. Since Paul was getting treatment for the PTSD he was suffering from, Taylor was getting to know the man she had at one time been in love with. And Joss couldn't be more thankful that her and Paul could now support and co-parent their child together.
She was thankful for the shoes on their feet, the clothes on her family's backs, the roof over their heads and the food that will shortly, if Taylor and John follow all her directions(yeah right John follow her directions), be on the table to share with friends and family.
But most of all she was thankful beyond words for her wonderful, loving, sometimes off the rails, caring, kind good man and husband Detective John Riley, aka John Reese, aka John Warren, aka Detective Stiles aka her man in a suit, aka her vigilante, aka Mr. BadAss, aka her guardian angel, aka the one and only love of her life - John. Joss hadn't told John that she knows his real name yet but she's thankful that she does know it, thankful for this small piece of his past that only she and Finch know. When John landed in her life four years ago he was intriguing but no one she thought she would really deal with ever again after he was processed and shipped off to serve his time. He was a vet that might need and get some help transitioning back into society if he would just ask for it.
But John was in her life to stay. First to make her miserable and Joss chuckles softly as she thinks about her man in a suit and their early days of cat mouse through New York City. Then to save her life - twice, to rescue Taylor, to help her bring down HR and save a bunch of people along their journey to this point in time, and to give her the most happiness she has ever had. If someone had told Joss two years ago that this point in time would see her married to a homeless, vet, ex CIA assassin and she be thankful for all the troubles he's caused her, who saves people in trouble, regularly breaks the laws she upholds, loves her and her son and would lay down his life for them in the blink of an eye, who truly is the other half of her soul and who is at this very moment, in their kitchen cooking Thanksgiving dinner with her son for them and their friends - well Joss would have just walked away knowing you were crazy for sure.
Joss knows she has been given two miracles in one year, four in her life time by her count and she is thankful for all and for who she has in her life right now, today.
Count your blessings name them one by one.
No, ever thing is not perfect with her and John and their life. But most people don't even get one miracle in a lifetime.
Count your many blessing see what God has done.
~~~~~~ FINIS ~~~~~~