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Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.


Her name was Karina, but everyone called her Kari for short

When I think of her, the top two things that come to my mind are her eyes and laugh

The sound of her laughter was my favorite song; it spoke to me on a deeper level, making my heart race and my palms sweaty for reasons I couldn’t even begin to comprehend. All I knew was that each giggle was music to ears and that I’d keep telling jokes until sunrise if it meant I could continue hearing that song

Her eyes had an undefined sparkle to them; alluring and sensual with a touch of mischief. You could get lost in their beauty if you stared into them too long and you’d never find your way out. They were the color of bark on a tree and like trees provide us with oxygen, she was my reason to breathe

Kari was my drug…and I was addicted

.

My father always told me that whatever I do, put my all in it, so that I’m the best I can be. Whether it was doing homework, running for student council, playing football or learning the piano—he always told me to be the best version of me possible

So I put my all in becoming a writer, more specifically a poet

I knew since I was a young boy that I wanted to work with words and my imagination rather than numbers and logic

I was in my second year of college when I met Kari

My roommate and I went to this party last minute and she was the first thing that caught my attention when I stepped foot in the door

All the way on the other side of the room, she was surrounded by guys. It was like she was this beautiful flower and there were bees all around her

What those bees didn’t know though, was that there was more behind those colorful petals than what met the eye. Her love—her pollen, if you will—was so enticing; it was laced with something that kept them coming back for more. Something dangerous. Because while it was sweet, it was poisoning you—deteriorating your better judgment slowly but surely

My roommate warned me about her—he said that she was bad news. That all those men surrounding her were addicted and that I’d be too if I even so much as try to talk to her

I don’t know if I did it in attempts to prove him wrong, or because my curiosity got the better of me; regardless of the reason, I made sure to talk to her that night

And guess what? My roommate was right

.

Kari was…amazing

This was not a one in a million girl, this was a once in a lifetime girl

She introduced me to things I’d tried so hard to avoid in college, like drugs and love

But I fell for Kari all at once—it was like someone dropped me in the middle of the ocean and I was submerged in it. I didn’t even bother trying to swim to the top to catch my breath; it was so cool and refreshing, I just let it overcome me…and I drowned in it

Truth be told, Kari was the drug—the heroin only added to the high I felt when I was with her

And like all drugs do at a certain point, she became the center my life

When I wasn’t thinking of her, I was thinking of the dope and when I wasn’t thinking of the dope, I was thinking of her

And when I did focus enough to think of writing, the only words that came to mind were her name and ‘needles’

I was so numbed to the truth of the situation that when I got my first academic probation letter, I laughed

When I got the second one, I laughed harder

I didn’t get a third one; I just got kicked out

I lost it all…and I didn’t even care, because in my mind Kari became all I needed

.

That wasn’t my lowest point though; I did things that I would give my left arm just to erase from my memory. Things that keep me up at night. And when I am able to sleep, I only have nightmares. The worst part about these nightmares is that they’re not the typical ones—I’m not being chased by a monster; I am the monster

I was the thief, I was the liar, I was the murderer; I was worst version of myself possible

Kari and I broke up and got back together and broke up and got back together. It was an endless cycle of highs and lows; pains and pleasures; destruction…but somehow, never restoration

I was in the lowest place of my life, the very bottom of that ocean called ‘love’, and it was chocking me

My breaths were numbered

I had to be on my last two or three when I started trying to escape the hold heroin and other drugs had on me

For some time that seemed like an endless cycle too; I’d try to stop, but somehow always end up with a needle back in my arm

Eventually I realized that I wouldn’t be able to stop taking these side drugs if I didn’t get rid of the main one

Kari was harder to give up; those eyes, that laugh, her voice, her touch…my addiction

I took me having a near death experience before I could finally let her go, and even then…

.

There were relapses at times, especially when she told me things like she needed me just as much as I needed her

But somehow I managed to keep moving forward

I got my life together and I can say that it’s been over five years since I’ve touched any drug, including Kari

In fact, I moved to a different city

I went back to school and got a degree in English

I became an editor for a publishing house and I still wrote poetry on the side

I’d never be as great as I could’ve been, but I still strived for the best me possible

And this is where I’m at now

30 years old

Drug free

…and about to have a relapse

.

Why, you ask?

Well Kari is coming back into my life and it looks like she’s here to stay for good this time

I know she can only stay if I give her permission to

But tell me…is a son permission enough?






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Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.