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Dear John letters

Chapter 3            Letter two and realizations

Work today took a lot out of me.  Even though I started the day with a feeling of euphoria just thinking about Evangeline’s letter that gradually changed into a feeling of drudgery as case after case piled up on my desk.  Crime never stops for anyone or anything.  Appearing in court is not one of my favorite things and that is what I had to do at the end of my day.  So I am drained and just ready for bed.  A nice hot shower and a hot meal make me feel a little better.

Settling down in bed I take the stack of letters and place them on my lap.  I decided not to read them in any order. I pick a letter from the stack randomly and place the other letters back in the nightstand.  The letter with the kiss that I read last night I put at the bottom of the stack.  After I read the letter for tonight I will put it at the bottom of the stack and will continue that method until I have read every letter.

I am excited about what I will read tonight.  A smile fills my face because I feel that this is my special time with Evangeline.  It’s just the two of us in our own little world.  That time that I went to her apartment to tell her that I still wanted her. I was drunk.  It didn’t go how I had planned but I do remember her asking me why I could not see myself as she saw me, ‘the man who can take me in his arms and make me forget about the rest of the world’.  I had it all right there and then and blew it. Don’t do that John.  Just relax and see what she has to say tonight.

‘Dear John,

We don’t know each other that well so I have no idea how we wound up making love in Mary Barnes’ basement.  I don’t do things like that.  I never have before.  We talked about our past and the hurts and how we keep things hidden.  In a way I guess you can say we are kindred spirits.  Maybe what happened between us last night was just two kindred spirits just trying to connect with someone.  We’re both adrift in this world and we latched on to each other to stop ourselves from floating away into nothingness.

The heat of us together was something I have never felt before.  I don’t regret it and I don’t apologize for it.  It was a one time thing I know but I must say that it was exhilarating, for me anyway.

Evangeline’

I will never forget that night.  Our reactions caught me by surprise. My body is reacting now to the memory of that night.  I never regretted that night with Evangeline.  Although I had never done anything so spontaneous before it felt so natural to me.  And no Evangeline, it was not a one-time thing.  It developed into much more and could have been something great if I had just opened myself up to the possibility.  I drift off to sleep with the letter still in my hand.

(Dreaming)

/We wake to Mary Barnes standing before us watching us.  We are so embarrassed and apologize to her for our appearance. We get dressed and then talk with her about her case.  Not sure what to say to each other we go our separate ways.  The next day I see her at the diner and we talk about our night in Mary Barnes’ basement.  We both admit that we’ve never done anything like that before. I tell her that I have no regrets and would like to see her again.  She agrees that perhaps we should see where this will lead but let’s take things slowly.  I take that to mean no more ‘making love’ and she then says, ‘that means no more sex’.  Let’s see if we are more than sex she says. I ask her what’s wrong with having sex if we both consent.  She replies that she does not consent to just sex.  She’s not one to have sex without some feelings involved. I agree even though as a man I can have sex without feelings.  We discuss date ideas and make plans to meet in a few days./

The next morning I think to myself, here we go again.  Things that I should have said that I never said.  Will this happen with each letter that I read. Did I ever get anything right when I was with Evangeline?  You don’t get it John.  This is your time to get it right.  These letters are allowing you to open up inside and discover the things that were inside all along but you were afraid to express.  These letters are acting as a trigger to release thoughts hidden inside that are now being revealed to you.  Don’t fight them just let them out.  It is to your benefit. Whew! Where did that come from? I’ve never thought of it that way before now.  Maybe these letters are revealing deep-seated thoughts that I never allowed to manifest themselves.

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Today work is a little better and for some reason it doesn’t feel such a chore.  It’s a busy as yesterday was but there is something different or maybe I am different today.  Whatever it is I will take it.  Well let me leave to check on a case.  I have to interview a few witnesses and finish my report for Bo.