Un-betaed

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(Trying something a little different with my writing and need your assistance.  My stories center on OLTL couple Evangeline Williamson and John McBain. I want to offer my readers an opportunity to suggest a storyline for one of my stories.  I want at least five (5) suggestions and I will choose one on which to base a story.  If I receive over ten (10) suggestions then I will try to write two (2) stories based on the chosen suggestions. If you are interested check my profile for my contact info and send to me your suggestion.  Looking forward to hearing from you folks.  Thnx for your time and assistance.)

Dear John letters

(The dreams still seem surreal to John but surprisingly enough he relishes the experience of seeing Evangeline again and talking with her.)

Chapter 5            Letter four and the darkness

Michael decides to check in John since his schedule at the hospital and his life with Marcie doesn’t allow him a lot of free time.  As usual he finds John at his office deep in work files.

“Why am I not surprised to find you deep in work as usual John?  Do you ever leave this office?  There is a life outside of these walls you know and when was the last time that you had a home cooked meal and I don’t mean take out from the diner?”

“Hello to you too Michael, what brings you this way and I know it’s not to check up on me because I know that you have better things to do than that?”

“Well you are wrong because that is exactly why I am here.  I came to invite you to dinner on Friday night.  Marcie will cook and you will eat.  So show up at 7:00 p.m. or I will find you and it will not be pretty.”

“All right Michael I won’t argue with you about that.  I will see you on Friday at 7 p.m. now let me get back to work.”

Wow that was easier than I thought for I was sure that John would give me a hard time about the invitation but I’m glad that he didn’t.  He seems a bit more agreeable than I expected.  I’ll have to talk with him about this change in him.   Let me go and get back to work.

My long work hours and exhaustion once I make it home have prevented me from reading any more of Evangeline’s letters the last few nights.  There are only two more left and I want to savor them. Spending the time with her while I read her letters and then dreaming about her too just gives me more time with her and I didn’t realize how much I missed her.

‘Dear John,

What’s the old saying, ‘fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me’?  I have been such a fool for you.  First I subject myself to be hypnotized to help you find Natalie and that definitely was not to my advantage and then second I wait around to talk to you after Michael and Marcie’s wedding and end up blind, shame on me.  What is it about you that had me doing such crazy things?  Neither of these actions was to my advantage and yet I subjected myself to both because of you and what did I gain from either of them.  The other saying is ‘love makes you do foolish things’ but those two were beyond foolish they were beyond my explanation.  What did I gain from either of them?  It definitely was not your love and that was all I ever wanted.  What was I to you John, just a nice lay, a good time?  I don’t’ even know myself anymore.  Your rejection caused me to make mistakes that I never would have made. Why in the world would I, if I were in my right mind, get involved with Christian Vega?  He offered me nothing and worst of all he was another man tainted by Natalie Buchanan.  I look back at that time with him and I think that someone must have brainwashed me too or aliens captured me and they replicated me, an Evangeline with no common sense.  Even after I regained my sight I still couldn’t see clearly to get myself out of that relationship with Christian.  That wasn’t love that was foolishness and desperation to have someone love me. Someone to love me like you never did.  It all leads back to you John.  What I didn’t find in you I looked for in Christian and it wasn’t’ there either but he said the words, ‘I love you’, and I was swept up in them not realizing that I was drowning in nonsense.  I was drowning in the nonsense of just having someone to say the words and convincing myself that I felt them but I never did.  I convinced myself that I did but I knew in my heart that I did not truly love Christian, not the way that I loved you.  

When we last talked when I stopped by to see you after the truck accident and you told me that you were thinking about me, my heart stopped for a moment but I quickly recovered.  I was with Christian and I am not a cheater. But you want to know something John, after all of this time I still hoped that you would have come to me and asked for a second chance with me but you didn’t.  The time that you stopped by drunk before Natalie was rescued doesn’t count.  No I wanted you to choose me John.  I still wanted you to come to me sober and ask for me to give you another chance and for you to tell me that you loved me too but you never did.  That left a hole in me John.  A hole that nothing or no one else could fill.’

I hang my head in shame.  This beautiful vibrant woman was brought to such depths by my inadequacies.  My lack of courage and determination had such a dire effect on Evangeline and I never knew how much damage I had done in her life.  All she offered me was her love and I spurned her, cast her aside for what? Natalie definitely was not worth all of the pain that I inflicted on Evangeline.  But I didn’t know the extent of the hurt that I caused her until now.  She never said anything to me until now in this letter.  I’m glad that I didn’t eat because I would have thrown it up by now.  My stomach is churning like a volcano and my head hurts from thinking about the pain that Evangeline must have felt seeing me around town with Natalie.  But she’s gone now and no longer in pain.  I will never be able to make up to her for all of the damage that I have caused.  I never told her that I loved her and that I missed her in my life.  This night the reading of her letter does not bring me peace. This is the first night that I find that a drink might help me to relax.  Usually her letters have that effect on me but tonight a glass of whiskey, followed by another glass of whiskey allow me to fall asleep.

(Dreaming)

/How did I get on the roof of my apartment building?  I really must have had too much whiskey.  I look over in the corner and see pillows on a blanket and a television set up for viewing.  This reminds me of the time Evangeline and I sat on the roof and watched a movie that she said, ‘everyone should view’.  I sit on the blanket and lie back with my head on one of the pillows.

“You’re late John.”  Evangeline walks up to me and sits down next to me. 

“What do you mean that I am late?  I’m dreaming right?  Your letter was hard to read and I feel so bad about all of your pain.  I’m sorry Evangeline.  I keep saying that don’t I?  I’m so ashamed at how I treated you.  You never did anything to hurt me and it seems that all I did was hurt you.”

“You’re late John.”

“Why do keep saying that I am late, late for what?”

“I don’t have much time John, you have to hurry, and you’re late!”

“I don’t understand.  Tell me what I must do?”

“I can’t John you have to figure it out for yourself.  Don’t you know already?  You brought us here on this rooftop I didn’t.  This is your dream.  What do you want to make of it?  Stop saying you are sorry and do something about it.  I don’t have much more time.”

This time I have no idea what to do.  How am I late and late for what?  Why doesn’t she have more time?  This is my dream so I can dream about her forever if I want so why is she in a hurry?