“Do you, LaVey, take Ice Queen to be your unlawfully wedded wife? To stand by her side through fiery times and fiery buildings, petty theft and mass murder, through jail time and jailbreaks, keeping yourself solely to her as long as you live?”

The man in the gaudy gold and white outfit nodded. “I do.”

“And do you, Ice Queen, take LaVey to be your unlawfully wedded husband? To stand by his side through fiery times and fiery buildings, petty theft and mass murder, through jail time and jailbreaks, keeping yourself solely to him as long as you live?”

The woman with short hair made of ice smiled. “I do.”

“By the authority vested in me by the National Villain Association, I now pronounce you husband and wife. And what two hearts of evil have been joined together, let no hero tear apart. You may kiss the bride.”

The couple leaned in for a kiss and the audience gave a round of applause. The hosts, a relatively tame looking man and woman in comparison to the others that’d been shown, walked in front of the camera. 

“That’s it for this season of Finding Mr. Wrong! Congratulations to Royal Kill and Obsidian Snow. A match made in Hell. May they live happily ever after in villainous matrimony.” The woman grinned.

The man spoke next, “As we come to a close, I just want to remind you that we’re still looking for the next bachelorette to be on the show. If you think you should be on here or know someone who should, call the number on your screen now.”

“We’re your hosts, Nightmare and Dastard, and we can’t wait to see you back here in a few months for the next season. Who will our next lucky lady be? Or should we say, our next lucky guy?”

~Six Months Later~

“Our bachelorette is here.”

The man on the couch in the lounge room looked up from his phone to his co-host. When he processed her words, a grin spread across his face. “Lady Siren?”

Nightmare nodded. “She’s waiting in the dining hall for us. We’re supposed to introduce ourselves and then go shoot the first part of the first episode.”

“Well let’s not keep her waiting.” Dastard stood up immediately. “I still can’t believe we got the famous Lady Siren for this season of Finding Mr. Wrong. Our ratings are gonna skyrocket.”

“If you say so.”

“You doubt it?” He raised an eyebrow at her. “Need I remind you that Siren is a tier four villain? We mostly have tier twos. That alone will boost the viewer count, but throw in the fact that she’s a beauty and there’s an air of mystery around her—people will be rushing to see this show.”

As if his words meant very little, Nightmare shrugged. “I hear you, but I got to be around Siren a few years back; she’s not the looking-for-love type. She’s conceited like most tier fours, and she’s more interested in finding someone to use. Frankly, I’m surprised she even agreed to be on the show.”

“Everybody wants love.”

“Siren isn’t everybody.”

“So then what do you think she’s here for?”

“Don’t know. Maybe the producer has something on her and she’s being blackmailed into it.”

He waved it off. “Either way, I wish I was one of the guys she’s about to meet. I could be the Clyde to her Bonnie…” 

“Yeah, if Clyde was a puppet and Bonnie was a hand.” Nightmare shook her head and then reached in her pocket and pulled out a pair of earplugs. “Here, take these.”

“What for?”

“You know her ability.”

“Yeah, but why would she use it on us?”

She shrugged. “Better safe than sorry.”

“Paranoid, much?” He walked past her to the door. “Besides, Lady Siren wouldn’t need to use her ability to make me do something. All she’d have to do is ask.”

Nightmare sighed before following him out. “And that is why you’re a tier one villain.”

xXx

Lady Siren hadn’t had much alone time since she arrived, so she was grateful for the few minutes before the start of recording. Seated at the head chair, she imagined the women in the seasons before her feeling anxious about what was to come, but she couldn’t share the sentiment. What would she be anxious about? Meeting the men? She met men everyday. Being on camera? She was on the front page of the newspaper at least five times a month. Falling in love? Well…no need to be worried about something that couldn’t happen. 

She stood up and walked over to the mirror on the wall. She took a moment to admire herself. Soft mahogany skin. Alluring brown eyes. Long, kinky hair that sat on her head like a lion’s mane. And a regal presence to match. The red dress she was wearing only enhanced what was already a pretty picture. She looked almost unreal, like someone out of a book or movie. Ironically, she wasn’t overly interested in the realm of beauty—she found it to be much too overrated. However, she did use it to her advantage. Just as she would with these men…

The sound of footsteps approaching pulled her out of her thoughts. She turned to the doorway to find the two hosts of the show entering the room. For a moment she just looked at them, her eyes scanning for anything noteworthy or impressive. After finding nothing, she turned back to the mirror and ran her fingers through her hair.

The man stepped forward. “Lady Siren. My name is Dastard, I’m one of the hosts. Let me just start off by saying the pleasure is all mine. I’m a big fan of your crimes, especially that time you took over the city. If there’s anything you need while you’re here, just tell me and I’ll make sure you get it.”

She didn’t respond at first, but eventually turned to him and cocked her head to the side. “Is that because you have that kind of clout or because you’re the lackey?” 

“Um, well, my word does carry some weight around here…”

“Really? So a tier one villain has more influence than myself? I’m more likely to get something because it came from your mouth as opposed to my own?” 

He swallowed hard. “No. I was just saying…”

“Dastard,” she cut him off, “I’m a tier four villain on a reality dating show catered to low tiers; I already have multiple people kissing my behind, and frankly I don’t think there’s room enough for your lips too.”

Dastard deflated like a punctured balloon and it was clear he didn’t know what else to say. Nightmare looked at him with pity, but didn’t say anything. Instead, she subtly put her earplugs in, which didn’t escape Siren’s notice. 

“Well, Lady Siren, if you would follow us to the den, we can get the show on the road.”

Siren glowered at her. 

“Something wrong?”

“You insult me.”

Nightmare raised an eyebrow. “What?”

Suddenly, Siren let out a melodic tune accompanied with the word ‘sleep’. Within seconds, Nightmare and Dastard started to sway and then fell to the floor, lightly snoring.

“I’m a tier four. You think I got to this point by letting something as minor as earplugs stop me?” She looked at the two with contempt. “Low tiers.” Muttering a few more words, she stepped over their bodies and walked out of the dining room. 

xXx

Meet Lady Siren. 

This tier four villain needs no introduction. 

She has the ability to mesmerize people with her songs, a form of mind control. 

She’s known for making the front page several times a month.

She’s agreed to meet and ultimately walk away with one of five men who are after her heart.

Are you ready for the greatest season of Finding Mr. Wrong yet?

Don’t go anywhere because it starts now!

~Meeting Once and Floral~

“For this initial meeting, we’ll be doing what we call ‘Meeting Once and Floral’. We’ll show Lady Siren a video clip of each man and after, they’ll come out and give her a flower.”

“First impressions can make or break a relationship, so let’s see if any catch the eye of our lovely bachelorette.”

“Let’s meet the suitors,” Dastard said excitedly, and then pointed toward the projector screen. “Bachelor One is a man who will literally take your breath away! Say hello to the tier four villain, Smoke!”

Siren’s eyebrows shot up from recognition of the game and when she saw the grinning man on the screen, she put a hand over her face. Of all the villains in the world…

I shouldn’t have to introduce myself. Villains know me. Heroes know me. Citizens know me. If you don’t know me by now, you’re either an idiot or a no-name. My name is Keith, but I go by Smoke. My main ability is to create and control smoke, but I can also use it to teleport and propel myself in the air. It may not seem like much, but don’t get it twisted, most fires don’t kill people, smoke does. I do. *he created smoke from his hand and grinned harder* I’ve known Siren for a long time. She’s always played hard to get. But I can promise you, I will be the winner of this competition. *he looked right at the camera* You will be mine.

The screen went black and the giant curtains underneath them parted. The lean man with jet black hair, electric blue eyes, and an arrogant smile came into view. He was the standard good looking guy; one that was often in the Bad People magazine on the shelves. Well built, muscles, facial hair—the whole nine. There was a rose in his hand and he handed it to Siren once he walked over.

“Renata, if you wanted a man, you could’ve just called me.”

“Why? Do you know where I could find one?”

He laughed. “I’m going to enjoy making you mine.” He handed her the flower and then kissed her hand. “A rose because there’s a passion between us that will blossom into a sweet scent. And can’t forget the thorns, because there may be a little bloodshed in the process.”

“There may be a lot of bloodshed.”

“I should be so lucky.” With that, he flashed his perfect teeth and then walked over to the first available seat. Siren sighed internally; Smoke was an arrogant lunatic she knew back in high school. If the other men were anything like him, she was in for the experience of a lifetime.

Nightmare spoke next, “Bachelor Two is a hero turned villain with a power that takes him to new heights. Give a warm welcome to the tier three, Wind Rider!”

Ni Hao. My name is Bin, but you most likely know me as the Wind Rider. I’m the dragon you see in the sky from time to time. Most people want to know if I’m a man with the ability to turn into a dragon or a dragon with the ability to turn into man. I leave that up to each person to decide. *he smiled knowingly* I used to be a hero, but that is a story for another day. The story I want to focus on now is the one Lady M and I will create and ultimately tell our children. *he looked at camera* I can’t wait to pick up the pen with you.

The curtain opened again to reveal a tall man of Chinese descent. He had striking golden eyes that grabbed the attention of all nearby. He was clean-cut and well dressed. She’d heard of him, but never actually met him. He was a more mature villain, at the very least, five years her senior. His appearance never gave it away though.

“Lady Siren.” He walked over, stopping a few feet in front of her and bowed. “A pleasure and honor.”

“You’re very well-spoken, Wind Rider.”

“Please, call me Bin. And if I am well-spoken, it is only because I’m in the presence of something worth speaking well about.”  

The corner of Siren’s mouth pulled upward. A man quick and crafty with words. It only solidified her initial thought not to trust him in the slightest. But if anything, the verbal play with him was bound to be entertaining.

He handed her the flower. “An orchid, because it represents mature charm and glorious femininity. It represents you.”

She nodded. With one last bow, Wind Rider went over to the seat next to Smoke. 

Dastard pointed to the screen again. “Bachelor Three is a villain from a long line of villains. Before you recognize his name, you’ll recognize his face: Flatline!”

Hero Killer. Tombstone. Red Scythe. Flatline. Evil runs in my veins. Villain pride saturates my heart. And the legacy of my great grandfather fills my pockets. Most know me as Tombstone’s son, but the world will soon be familiar with the name Flatline. My power is the ability to heal, but don’t let that fool you, I can stand with the best of them. *he went from serious to almost awkward* Lady Siren is a beautiful and talented villain. I’ve always admired her from afar. Any woman would be lucky to be on my arm, but I would be the lucky one if it were Lady Siren’s arm wrapped around mine. *he looked up at camera* Make me a lucky guy.

Lady Siren raised an unimpressed eyebrow at the sight of Flatline making his way over to her. He was skinny with the boy-next-door looks and innocent eyes; a clear indicator that he hadn’t gone very deep in the villain game. Everything about him from his looks to his power was a disappointment. She could see why he was often referred to as the black sheep of the family. Hero Killer could take powers. Tombstone could raise the dead. Red Scythe could hypnotize to people. He had big shoes to fill and with the ability to heal, it didn’t look good. She was certain the only reason he was listed as a tier three was because of his bloodline.

“You’re even more beautiful in person.” Before Siren could respond, he nervously handed her the lily in his hands. “No flower could compare to your beauty, but I thought a lily came close.”

She considered giving a sarcastic response, but the poor thing looked so nervous. She decided to reward his courage with a normal response. “Thank you, Flatline.”

He smiled happily to himself and headed for the next available seat. As he walked, he stumbled over his own feet and almost fell, but caught himself. Smoke didn’t hide his amusement and let out a laugh while Wind Rider simply turned his head.

Nightmare pointed to the projector. “Bachelor Four is one of, if not the most notorious villain in our district. His name says more than anything I could. Tier four, Absalom!”

Lady Siren’s eyebrows shot up. Absalom wasn’t a villain. He was the villain. A man of few words, but his actions spoke louder than his voice ever could have. When people thought of villains, he may not have been the first one to come to mind, but he was the one that induced the most fear. And it wasn’t just regular citizens, but it went for other villains as well. Absalom was out for himself, and he didn’t mind cutting down anyone to get what he wanted. He’s used, betrayed, and even killed other villains in the past. He was someone to avoid no matter who you were. What was he doing here?

*he stared at the camera intensely* Lady Siren. I want you.

Words like those might’ve sounded romantic from someone else, but from Absalom, they came off as a threat. Very subtly, Siren glanced at the exits and planned her escape route should things take an unexpected turn. Tier four or not, she knew she couldn’t beat Absalom in a fight. The curtain opened and Absalom came into view. From afar, he could pass as a Greek god. Strong features. Large frame. Long hair. Attention demanding presence. Adorned with a rapier. He was attractive, but the deadliest things often were. 

When he walked toward her with stiff yet commanding steps, every signal in her brain was telling her to run. She had to purposely force herself to stay seated as the man stopped a few feet in front of her, towering. Even Nightmare and Dastard took a step back. He didn’t speak at first, which only served to let the intimidation set in. 

Siren kept her cool. “Absalom. Can’t say I’m not surprised.”

With a straight face, he held the flower in his hands out toward her. “…a snapdragon. It’s your favorite.” Not waiting for a response, after she took it, he walked away. He headed over to the chair next to Flatline. The nervous look on Flatline’s face might’ve been funny had it not been so understandable.

Siren didn’t know what threw her off more, the fact that Absalom was there or that he knew what her favorite flower was. She regained her focus when Dastard called the attention back to them. He pointed toward the projector again. 

“And last, but certainly not least, bachelor five is the guy every girl wishes she had…let’s give it up for the tier four, Bad Djinn!”

As I’m sure you know, I’m Bad Djinn. I’m not actually a genie, but I have the ability to grant any wish…at the cost of my choosing. You want to bring someone back to life? Can do…but they’ll come back crazed. You want the ability to make anyone fall in love with you? Sure…anyone but the one you love most. These may seem small in the grand scheme of things, but they have big effects. All it takes is one broken heart or one snapped mind to cause a domino effect of evil. *he smiled at the camera* But I focus on other people’s wishes so much that I neglect my own desires. What is it that I want? The attention and heart of the beautiful Lady Siren. 

The curtain drew back and out walked a light-skinned man with thick dreads and a beard. He was hairier than the other men and tattoos covered one of his arms. He swaggered over to her and held out a bouquet of pink, purple, and white flowers. “A bouquet because you’re deserving of more than just one kind of flower.” 

Bad Djinn was another name she was familiar with. He wasn’t the kind of villain on the front lines or in the limelight too often, but he did make an impact on the everyday lives of citizens. He played upon the wishes and desires of others and ultimately caused a big commotion. Though a part of her admired it, she couldn’t admire him as a person. Not only was he evil in his career, but in his love life as well. He was an infamous playboy and heartbreaker.

She took the flowers. “Bad Djinn. I’m curious as to why a known heartbreaker like yourself is here.”

He gave her a cheeky look, but it simmered to a simple smile. “Because you are.”

“You must know that with a record like yours, you don’t stand a chance at my friendship, let alone heart.”

“I’ll admit I have a past, but only because I was looking for you in other women and didn’t settle. Now that you’re here, I’m prepared to make up for those mistakes by giving you all the love in my heart.” With that he walked over to the last available seat.

“And that’s all five suitors,” Nightmare announced with a big wave of her hand. “Stay tuned to see Lady Siren meet with each of them one on one.”