Author's Chapter Notes:
The pandemic blues are still here but I do hope my lovely ladies of the Chamber are doing well. Hoping my muse stays here for a while....and listening to some dope songs all the way.
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
The One Bedroom, two floors up:
I think you need a steady hand. She was not a baker and not even two degrees could supplement that. Patience and a steady hand. A pink tip darted from behind her teeth to lap at the sweetness from her thumb. It was probably the fact that she did not have a maternal bone in her body and she really should strenghen her back bone to tell Kristen fuck no. She was a childness woman navigating her thirties without having to make cupcakes for a classroom full of little runts.
She must have gone through a small fortune in the white stuff and and was up to her ears in confectioners’ sugar. The end result was acceptable she decided as she figured there would be more eating than figuring out if the colorful, sloppy bits on the top were aesthetically pleasing to the young Rembrandts. In about four short steps, she moved away from the counter with the soft, pale vanilla peaks on their cooling racks to her the kitchen faucet- running a now cool and damp hand on the back of her neck.
Moments of distraction now forgotten, the stillness in the pit of her stomach came back as the silence in her modest apartment consumed everything in its wake. The timer counting down the cooling minutes faded too and she wondered if grief would ever not feel like an inconsolable unfullness. As quickly as the thoughts threatened to invade her equlibrium, her morning meditation bargained for a short period of peace. The ping! that came from her left broke her search for a much sought after reverie as she looked over to her left like she was wading through a strong tide.
I’m in town… Meetup for coffee?
One and a half fucking years and the fleeting realization caught her dead in her tracks. The device slipped between her fingers three times as she looked at her hands suspiciously. He had basically fallen off the face of earth a few over. She could not have faulted him given the circumstances he’d been through- more than a fair share any man could have been given. And he had that way about him that it was more of a request “ not an invitation to question or wiggle out of. Six words and she was back down the rabbit hole. Life wasn’t fair and her fingers betrayed her by hastily shooting back a response without fleshing out her thoughts.
Omg, this is a surprise, but… that would be great
It didn’t take much longer for the details to come back either. She wondered if on the other end if they were as calculated as the impulsivity of her eagerness. She talked herself down and off at least several ledges in the space of time it took her to devour three of the rugrats’ cupcakes. Shit, she’ll have to really just say fuck it and hit up the Magnolia Bakery down the block. At this rate, the remaining cakes would be casualties of the onesided war manifesting in her brain.
Musing at her closet door- Lisa ran her fingers across the various fabrics, each knit communicating its varied degrees of softness and efficacy to the crisp mid winter the area was heading into. She felt brown would do, right? Safe, not really shouting desperation or anything AND mind you complimented her warm skin tone “ the caramel belted wool blend and a rustic bootie combination gave her the height she needed and her legs were always her money. She ignored a few burts of back to back texts from Shawn- if she opened those up she’d be drawn into whatever whodunnit shit that took over his three day weekends lifestyle. He was technically her boss but all kinds of lines were already under fudge muffined as he was her ex and resident best friend. Yeah, shut that shit down until tomorrow. Not that she was conducting rational decision making right now. It was as if there was a complete planetary alignment on a Lunar New Year- damn, a girl was excited.
However, insecurity and loneliness were constant companions and they rested their baggage down tonight- one on each side of her and unrolled themselves. She sunk unto her mattress, allowing her body to melt away for a few minutes. She deliberately caught a breath in her lungs and played around on the thought of how long it would be until it burned and she couldn’t hold it in any longer. Grief and guilt were equally sadistic bed fellows because she needed to be sober and grounded in this moment when thoughts of happiness had the fucking audacity to grow here. They were selfish lovers that fucked, left the job unfinished, and left her feeling deserving of it. She was having one of those out of body experience when she got filled up and had too much of herself so she floated in her small space and had double vision from the dried up crystals her tears left behind. She mostly noticed the amber tones that was in most of her furniture and the cashmere kush that filled her headspace and she somehow ended up on the shag rug on the floor “ the champagne and khaki fibers sticking and lifting away unto to her. The only kind of worship she’d be getting tonight.
She conveniently remembered that she had some new red lipstick.
Two around the corners, that coffee place that’s really fucking expensive:
She didn’t have to wait long. He was there a few moments after her three inch weathered heels clicked across the polished concrete floor. The remnants of the gastropub were still quite evident and did its job by inadvertently attracting more of a hipster clientele to which was catered ethically sourced ingredients and dished that featured seasonal produce. She had flashed her vax pass at a waiter and made quick way to an empty section. She chose a seat by the window under the vintage style string lighting which gave everything the glow touched a nice, sultry ambience of saffron and golden hues. It was one of those rare nights where the fog kissed low and a very small, intimate crowd allowed the room to breathe. Her days old blowout was protesting but the moist air that almost caressed her skin was well worth the small sacrifice. She was very fond of this as she was not looking forward to a shared reunion by bumping elbows with hipster strangers.
Lisa swore her stomach did somersaults and wasn’t quite sure if it was that she had not eaten since noon or if it was seeing his strong build as he towered in. His dark hair was styled tastefully, the longer locks blown in the front off to the side and the sides cut low. When his dark eyes found her they genuinely lit up and again her stomach did a triple double flip. He strode in as if he was walking straight out of the pages of some European GQ edition. A pale wheat colored over coat with lazy lapels and a tan cashmere shirt that was smartly tucked into into off-white fitted pants was cleanly pulled off. He’d gotten bigger, much bigger she noticed as she realized it was not some strange optical illusion. Her mind had gone cloudy for a few moments and she very well lost a few seconds of him closing the distance “ shit she was not ready for this.
He was unperturbed at her small lapse and closed the remaining feet, walking directly to her side of the table. She’d still had on her coat and he pulled her in around the shoulders. He smelled great- some spice that she couldn’t place and found she could not help herself from breathing in deep as she almost fell into those solid arms. She was unbalanced and Shannon, the ever perfect gentleman, steadied her with strong hands about her upper arms and smiling deeply. It was simply infectious and everything else melted away for a few cosmic seconds and he became the only permanency that mattered in that realm.
“You found it okay?” He unconsciously began disrobing her coat and she helped him along however slowly and awkwardly rolling her shoulders to ease off the extra fabric. He gave her another hug, this time longer- more intimate as if the years between them were insignificant.
“Ah, yeah I did. You look great- I mean different.” She noted quite gummy- his smile a fixture on her face now. He made quick work of navigating around the small wrought iron table and removing his coat- swinging it over the back of his chair. He leaned forward from his seat as though showing off his coif.
“Yeah, clean cut these days.” He ran his fingers smoothing out his moustache and along his low cut, disconnected goatee. She remembered how they used to give him a hard time- he couldn’t grow a proper beard if his life depended on it. When she saw him, all she could envision was when she first met him clean shaven and always with that great spirit.
“I see the man bun is gone,” she quipped.
He gave a comical grimace as if she assassinated his character.
“I mean,” she paused as the waiter pressed two menus before them. “Thank you.” She returned her gaze to him and found he was fully attentive. “I did like the man bun look- not that this isn’t good either.” She was running over her words and consciously made a note to focus on a point “ anyway she could stave off him distracting her.
“You look,” one hand rested on top of each other “ palms up- and he gestured. “Great. I was really happy I got a hold of you. I’ve been wanting to reach out.”
She studied him slowly, “So how long have you been back?”
“Since last Tuesday? About three weeks now.” Shannon replied.
Lisa felt a little hurt and she knew for a fleeting second she couldn’t disguise it. She pursed her lips and forced whatever thought she was mustering back between her lips.
He caught a hold of her hand and held on tight. “Hey,” he tugged lightly. He hand was warm and lightly calloused- but conflictingly soft in other places- offered some distraction from the cut. “It wasn’t really a plan to be back but I just wanted to settle some things before I could reach out. No one really knows I’m back stateside.”
She could reconcile a bit with that. He really didn’t need to offer any explanation to her. It wasn’t as if he owed her that- but he still held unto her hand- and absentmindedly created soft circles across the the back of her hand as if soothing the hurt. She noted his left hand was bare save for the black stainless steel watch moving about his thick wrist as he moved around. “It’s not necessary to explain, I understand.” She cleared her throat and decided it would be best to just move on. They spoke occasionally, well more so on occasion now. He was globe trotting for work and seemingly made a conscious effort to give her a sign of life every now and again. She last saw him about year and half prior- almost to the date. That sobered her and had her shifting up straight in her seat. Shannon was an unavailable man and she’d reconciled with that many years ago. He was water on under the bridge.
But when he kept looking at her like that, whatever values that were held up with bubblegum and shoe string almost evaporated away. He shouldn’t look at her like that, close enough she could search the amber flecks you wouldn’t know was there in those dark orbs. And he watched her, looking away almost honorably as if he could read her thoughts. She slipped her hand out of his “ musing that they’d fit nicely. A tight smile came to her lips as she sipped the cappuccino that the waiter brought over a few moments before “ not able to cut through the intensity that grew thick around them. Many unsaid things, mostly on her side she felt.
He sipped on his Turkish coffee and commented on something or another how it was just as good as whatever Greek city he once been gone to. She was becoming surprisingly increasingly disinterested in prolonging this dinner date. Nothing good would possibly come of it as she envisioned chasing that same unattainable nut. She knew very well what he was here for and their relationship would always have an indelible mark of shared grief.
Shannon cleared his throat, now uncomfortable in what was decidedly good designer threads. “I didn’t mean anything by it.” He searched her eyes almost unapologetically. “I should’ve reached out sooner.”
If he wasn’t going to roll past it then she would. She gulped another mouthful of cappuccino and licked the foamy peaks from her lips as he chased each of her gestures. “How long do you plan to stay?” Maybe that would put him in gear “ he was equally reliable with that. He was great at leaving she noted bitterly.
He smiled, managing to erase the pain that had reached his eyes moments before. “If everything works out, it’ll be more of a permanent set up this time.”
She choked but managed to recover. “Shit, sorry.” She reoriented herself and looked at him with more scrutiny. “Does Natalie know this?”
“Shit, she doesn’t even know I even touched down.” He looked at her conspiratorialy. “My mother-in-law is not the one to come through to half-ass so I think I’ll wait until everything is finalized.”
“Smart man,” I agreed. We toasted at that.
“Plus, we are not on exact speaking terms.” This was a surprise to Lisa and she perked up.
This waiter guy sure had some bad timing as he unceremoniously broke their conversation, bringing in a portobello mousse paired with Asian pears and bite sized mounds of truffle toast. This may have been been one of the most pretentious meals she’d had before her if it was not that she was on a new kind of conscious diet “ you are what you eat- and it was fulfilling a degree of umami action. He picked apart their shared meal quietly. She liked watching him eat- he even did that well too. The cords of muscle in his jaw working and his almost carved biceps working with the small utensils delicately despite his size. She looked away, guilt blushing her face and her teeth worrying her lower lip.
“I can assume you’re not exactly going to be a part of the project are you?” She thought back at the nice stack of legal size papers back at her apartment and was not quite sure if she would be signing her life away with the NDA she was still going over. “If you don’t want to talk about it “ I understand.”
He wiped at his lips slowly with a cloth napkin and rested it next to the almost empty plate. He ran his tongue across his even teeth. “That won’t be a possibility for me.” She was uncertain his military clearance but she didn’t ask any further questions but she imagined the target that would be on his back.
“Agreed. On the other hand Natalie was totally against me being apart of the project but I think apart of her can rationalize the greater need for the exposure,” Lisa said.
His big shoulders rolled forward and he laced his fingers tightly. “She’ll try to micromanage whatever she can. But I don’t think I can go through that again.”
She reached out to him, wrapping her fingers about his to provide some small comfort. She imagined the course his mind took as he looked past her, the first time for the evening he couldn’t bring himself to look at her. They sat like that for some time as the waiter cleared the waiter and Shannon asked for the check. Their fingers stealing the most intimacy they could afford each other “ uncertain half circles to confirm they were both there she supposed. He looked at her darker skin in contrast with his intensely “ words always left unsaid.
“I’m still hungry,” he announced.
A little surprised, her eyes snapped in his direction.
“I’ve got a new place and a kitchen to break in,” he gave a closed mouth smirk as if in a silent challenge.
She decided these would not be one of the moments she would rationalize and second guess each thought. She was like, fuck it, and rose to meet the occasion. She found she was grinning ear to ear.
“Game,” she replied.
Chapter End Notes:
The Feels: The Motive/Used to The Melody by Spzrkt & Sango