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f i v e 


WARNING: TRIGGER WARNING-SELF HARM AND SUICIDAL THOUGHTS. HARD DRUG USE 


 




Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.


 

 

 

"Hyung, you look like shit." 

"Sajong-nim was pissed. No wonder she left bruises." 

"Where were you?" 

Lifting exhausted eyes, he lifted them to the mirror in front of him. He couldn't argue. He did look like shit. The makeup artist knew to keep her mouth shut as she began to softly tap the pad against his skin, hiding the purple and green bruises. She expertly concealed the massive bags under his eyes and the healing cuts and scrapes by his mouth. Picking up the hint that he didn't want to talk, the rest of the members disbanded the crowd they had employed around his chair and all began to get ready themselves. He watched as she covered the moles on his nose and cheek, moles Sajang-nim complained about all the time. She called them ugly, said they ruined his otherwise perfect face. 

"We're on set in ten!" The creative director called, popping his head into the make up room. Taking the cue, she dipped color on her brushes and began to paint him like a living doll. 

*** 

The lights from above burned him but as if on cue, that fake plastic smile stayed plastered on his rosy lips. The anchors of the variety show were bubbly and energetic and they talked very animatedly with their hands. 

"Aera, fans want to know what's your ideal type?" He hated this question. Cheeks highlighted with blush, he lifted his hands up to cover his face. Like a robot. 

"This is embarrassing....ah..." 

"He's so cute! Is he blushing?" Putting his hands down, he gently bit his lip as he prepared to answer. 

"My ideal type is a girl who has a small face. She has to be shorter than me. Ah... long hair short hair it doesn't matter." 

"Wah, you like shorter girls? Tall girls don't have a chance?" A little giggle rose from his throat and the girls in the audience swooned something serious. 

"I didn't say that Noona..." Her cheeks grew pink as their eyes met.

"Someone with fair skin. Innocent looking. Someone friendly and talkative." Her blush intensified as he rambled off what he'd observed of her and she lifted a hand to her neck. She seemed taken aback and he knew better than to look for much longer and dropped his gaze onto his tightly pressed hands in his lap. 

"Ahhh this kid. He's a sly devil I tell you, flirting with his noonas. Don't fall for his cute antics." The MC interjected with a chastising hit to his head. He smiled and bowed his head with a small smile. Finally, some truth. 

When the program was over, they greeted the anchors and bowed to the rest of the staff, thanking them for having them on. He locked eyes with her and she smiled against her water bottle. Her feline eyes had narrowed and grown intense with lust. Taking a drink, her tongue darted out to lick the drops that had spilled out on the sides. 

"Yerin-noona," Turning those eyes away from him, for a moment he felt he could breathe. 

"We're scheduled to come back in about a month's time. We'll finalize all details soon."

"Of course." 

"We should get the boys back now. Let's go."

"Can we eat? I'm starving!" The woman named Yerin approached him as her team and fellow anchors started to head in the opposite direction. She didn't say anything as she backed him against the wall, sliding a hand down to grab his junk. He inhaled sharply, Adam's apple bobbing from a hard swallow. 

"Yerin-ssi, come on. You'll have the opportunity to play with him." Smiling again, she let him go and like that, she was gone as if nothing had ever happened. Closing his eyes, he let the back of his head hit the wall. 

"Aera, come on!" 

*** 

He still couldn't believe it. That'd he had done it. He'd been high and horny as fuck and with her on the brain he had gotten on Kkako. He'd never forgotten it... her username. How could he? Sometimes, he stared at it for hours, wired on caffeine and sleep deprivation. Spending 19 hours in the dance studio, practicing until his toenails bled, he'd see her face when he lowered himself into those freezing baths of ice. Glasses clinked around him and he stared down at the food piled on his plate. Way more than what was necessary. Grabbing his utensils, he began to eat. 

He hadn't expected her to respond. Hadn't expected to spend nearly an hour talking to her. 

"Bonnie, what are you going to do during our vacation coming up? You heard that they're letting us go on one right?" Looking up at Chani with his mouth full, the older man grinned as he tried to eat faster. 

"Calm down. Don't choke." He slowed down and swallowed with a swig of beer before answering. 

"Thinking about Busan."

"Ooh. Busan sounds nice!" 

"Yeah."

"Why not come to Lotte World with us?"

"I see you motherfuckers all day every day. I need a fucking break." 

"Oof. Whoa there. Language sir." 

"Suck my dick." 

"Don't tease me with a good time hyung." Kang-min replied smoothly, teeth grinning. 

"You hate it here don't you Bonnie?"

"He's just mad because Ha-joon-ssi beat his ass." 

"I'd be mad too."

"Everyone knows the bitch is crazy. She's into some twisted shit." Chani said, taking a shot of soju. 

"What'd she do to you?" Lifting stormy eyes, the man who asked the question stiffened and took a gulp of beer. 

"Well, hate to say it but whatever it is you're doing... keep doing it. Ha-joon never lets her idols take a vacation so soon after debut. She might even take the food restriction off of our diets." 

"I'm not your fucking scapegoat." Lifting his utensils, he pointed them sharply at Gang-bum. 

"If you want more benefits then you fuck her." 

"Right now, you're her obsession. She could care less about the rest of us." Slamming the jeotgarak down on the table, he got up, chugging the rest of his beer. He'd ate so much he could feel it sit at the back of his throat. An easy binge. 

"I'm going home." He made it to the door before his legs gave out and he fell, hitting his head against the floor. 

"Hyung!"

"Shit."

"Is he bleeding?"

"Get Manager Shim!" Their voices sounded so far away.. so distorted...A click sounded and he blacked out. 

*** 

"Bunny?" So far away... 

"Bunny?" Eyelashes fluttered against the tops of his cheeks and slowly, they opened to let in the light of the world. Drifting them down, they took her in their visage. She was laying on him, her head against his stomach. Those beautiful eyes looked up at him curiously. 

"What...what are you doing down there angel baby?" His voice sounded like he'd been eating sandpaper and his throat was dry. She sighed, those pillowy lips of sin pouting. 

"Waiting for you to wake up, bonehead." Everything seemed entirely too sensory... he wasn't sure where he was... where they were. Was it grass underneath him or gravel? Was that sunlight or burning fire in the sky? 

"I was asleep?" He'd placed a gentle hand on her soft fluffy hair. 

"Mmhm." She lifted her head finally. Slowly, she crawled up his body, making his heart start pounding in his chest. 

"I wanted to wait till you woke up to tell you." 

"T-Tell me what princess?" She straddled him, the action taking his very breath. What the hell was happening? She didn't say anything at first, just closed her eyes and lifted to pull his hand from her head to her face, pressing her cheek against his palm. She pressed a kiss against the skin, making him nearly choke on his spit. She began to kiss his fingers, one by one. Slow and unrushed. Her eyes opened and dropped to his. A pretty pink tongue ventured out from her mouth and licked his digits in the same manner as her lips, slow...gentle. Fuck. 

"N-Nova...t-talk to me...what's going on?" He stuttered pitifully, trying to make sense but failing miserably. All the blood from his brain and body was going to another place. She smiled then and sighed, a short warm breath against his now wet flesh. 

"I thought I was talking..." She said softly with a pout. He gulped as she pressed his hand against her neck. 

"You know graduation is soon." She said, that soft musical voice of hers making him even harder. 

"Yeah.... we're...we're almost there." 

"Almost." His fingers brushed her collarbones. She never had to dress like the rest of them. She could wear a paper bag and he'd still want her. It was simple. So fucking simple. A black tank top. A white skirt. Silver hoop earrings. The small thin hoop nose piercing. That was it. 

"Closer..." She'd all but breathed the word and he felt suddenly lightheaded as she pressed his hand against her chest. She wasn't wearing a bra and those perfect tits looked like at any minute they'd spill out from her top. Goddamn. She bit her lip now, eyes sleepy and hooded with very real... very palpable desire. 

"Do you know what I wanna say now?" Grabbing his wrist, she pulled his hand away from her breast, his fingers gently pulling the shirt down, revealing an erect little nipple. She leaned forward, pressing their hands together, fingers entwined. Her lips forced his eyes closed as she gently kissed his eyelids and up against his hairline. He couldn't think straight anymore...couldn't even breathe as she glided those soft smooth lips down the bridge of his nose. Kissing the mole there, she kissed the others underneath his eye, thereby his cheek. His breath was taken up by her own as she kissed his lips. A soft sweet moan vibrated against his lips and yet another as their tongues danced against one another... passion and desire bleeding into his veins. Wetly, their lips separated and their breaths hushed against each other. 

"Nova..." His voice was a whisper but it said so much. Licking his top lip, she welcomed his tongue again, slowly pulling it into her mouth to suck. Panting, she sighed against his jawline. 

"I wanted to tell you that I'm ready now." Nuzzling his cheek, their eyes met again. 

"Make love to me bunny...please." Laying flush against him, she pressed a soft kiss against his bottom lip. 

"Fuck me until I can't breathe..."

*** 

"He'll be okay. He's sleep-deprived and suffering from exhaustion." 

"We'll take care of him."

"Also...I found traces of cocaine in his system." The two men turned to look at him. He was extremely pale and sweaty, his eyelids and the underside of his eyes crimson as if he'd been crying. The stark combination made him look deathly. 

"Please make sure he's eating enough. He's starting to look malnourished." 

"Of course Doctor." Eyes fell across the embarrassingly erect hard-on he sported, standing up so much the sheet lifted. 

"I'll leave him once more in your care. Should he collapse again, bring him back." 

"Of course." The door opened and closed, leaving the two of them alone. Chuckling quietly in the room, the man lifted his hand and cupped his cheek. 

"You'll be alright Bon-hwa. I'll make sure of it." Letting his fingers slip down the sweaty skin, he leaned in closer, pressing his forehead against his. 

"We'll feed you. Clothe you. We'll give you a home." The satiny skin beneath him felt divine, the contrast of hard and soft, smooth and rigid. Standing up, he slowly pulled back the sheet. He'd wet his boxers, poor thing. Reaching, he pulled the leaking dick up and out to air. Watching in lustful fascination, he licked his lips. Ha-joon hadn't been wrong. The frustrated tree twitched and bobbed, another string of pre-cum oozing from the slit in his angry mushroom-shaped head. Poor, poor thing. 

"You're having such a wonderful dream..." Taking hold of the thick trunk, he slowly began to stroke him, watching as his hips bucked upward. His eyes watched pleasure transform his whole face and lifted his thumb to brush against his frenulum. A weak breathy cry left his throat and he began to thrust up against his hand. That's it... that's what he needed. 

"I'll help you finish it hm? I'll help you feel better." Bending, he continued to stroke him, slowly pulling him into his mouth. 

*** 

Eyes shot open and breath was heavy...panicked. White, blue and green dots danced around him and he squeezed his eyes shut, shutting them out. Goosebumps raised across his flesh and he shivered. So cold. He was so cold. Heavy fingers lifted to his face and froze. Something sticky and wet was on his face. Pulling them away, he turned his nose to inhale. Tears welled up in his eyes as he recognized the chlorinated smell. Trying again, he opened his eyes and looked down at him. Everything was wet and he felt it in his hair, on his neck, there drying by his chin. On his chest, his thighs. His dick stared back up at him, flaccid and sated. A cloudy pool of cum there by his hip. Pressing his face against the floor, he began to sob, fat heavy tears and pain making him choke. Take me back. Tightening his hands into fists, he began to scream, the tears blinding him. 

"TAKE ME BACK!" In a frenzy, he got up and began knocking things over, his chest tight. 

"Take me back.....take me back...." Pulling open drawers, he wrapped fingers across the handle of a blade. Nearly wheezing, he began to cut himself, the pain, the tear, the blood all suddenly giving him release. Dropping it he let his arm drop and started to stagger into his living room, droplets of blood painting a trail behind him. Gasping at the air, he stumbled into his bedroom. Falling against his bed, he groaned softly, reaching for his phone. Shaky bloody fingers found the Kkako icon and hastily clicked it. Nausea cut into him as he typed. Just as he pressed send, the phone slipped out of his hand and the black consumed him once again. 






Chapter End Notes:

 

A/N: When I tell you that this took a lot out of me. It took a lot out of me. It kinda made me think about how I used to feel like a teenager lol. Bon-hwa's pain is so real and palpable. I just want to make it all stop for him. I read a long while ago some anonymous accounts of those who were believed to be idols in the industry. They explained how they would be preparing for shows and performances and their 'noonas' would literally just walk up to them and grope their private parts. Making jokes or sexual innuendos. Some of these accounts said that they experienced it a lot and didn't know how to approach the situation because they were seniors in the industry. 

To this day, that still disgusts me y'all. I know kpop continues to be glorified and everything is shown as perfect. Nothing is ever wrong and your idols are always happy lol. Please don't think that this is a kpop diss. I used to be a HARDCORE kpop fan (I guess the kids say stan nowadays lol) for almost 9 years lol. SHINee (Still kings), BIG BANG, WONDER GIRLS, and GIRLS GENERATION. SUPER JUNIOR and TVXQ. Alla them lol. I respect the hard work that these people have put in and still occasionally listen to a song or two haha. However, as a storyteller,  I have to TELL THE REAL STORY behind the smiles and cute aegyo.  Love you all. This story is already proving to be very powerful and impactful for me. Wow. I hope it is for you too. 

DL <3

 

 







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Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.