Title: Chapter 15: Chapter 14
This story is so confusing. At the begining, the idea was good, but it became really confusing. You gave good hints that Jimmy was Logan, then you give him a girlfriend, send Emery overseas, to end up revealing the truth we already suspected!
You should have revealed it sooner. Because this info doesn't make sense anymore. He is best friends with Darren, then how can't he know her middle name, moreover if you imply that he went after another girl to forget her, that means he used" to like her. That we already know considering his actions before she went away. And how can he so casually call her name, when you insisted at the begining that he nerver wanted to call her other than Darren's sister? This is something Emery wanted for a long time, so why is this improvement not emphized?
For Emery, I don't see the point of sending her in London, it's a drastic measure for something so little. She claims to be in love with Logan, so how cant' she even know his first name or make the connection with Jimmy. If she's so in love with him, how didn't she notice what his phone looked like before and after the swap? Nowadays, it's so normal to pick and look at our phone anywhere, that it's impossible for her to not have noticed. Moreover since he is Darren's bestie, she should have recognized her brother's name or his nickname in the friends list and his way of texting. This does definitively not make sense. And I don't like how she keeps having long monologue about not liking or deciding to drop him, to finally do the exact contrary the next time sh's with him. This can be seen as being so in love that it makes you do things you shouldn't have, but in her case, it's a waste of thinking. Choose a way or another and stick to it, she looks more bipolar than confused to me. And how can she still be attached to him when she sees that he is only using Cassidy for his needs, keeps flirting with her wheras he is in a relationship. You picture Cassidy as the bad guy, but she's only a girlfriend pretecting her territory. Even if Emery and Logan are the main characters, and we naturally root for them, it's too easy to despise Cassidy when she didn't do anaything we wouldn't do ourselves. On the contrary, this gives me the feeling that Logan is simply a slut, a manwhore and that Emery should understand that at the end he doesn't worth it. At least, make him assume it and not act confused to have two girls in tow. Girls have needs too and can be the one playing, so I think it's a good idea she sees someone else, it would be refreshing for the story, accentuating her idea of droping Logan rekindle his interest or persuing Emery.
Your are a good writer, that's why I keep reading your updates, but please, as the owner of this story, choose the way and we're going to follow you. That the difference between a good vs a bad writer, the first one leads the way and the reader is enchanted, the second one needs to to be led towards the good direction. I'm sure you don't need that, so make up your mind and lead the way. And then, I'd agree with the others, good things should go on and never end!
Reviewer: Peanut Signed
Date: February 02 2013
