Doesn't Zane think it's strange that all these things are happening to him? That last incident should make him run to the cops.
I like this story. It's different. And everytime he says Hoodie Hero, I just crack up.Reviewer: BellaChica Anonymous [Report This]
Date: November 03 2014 03:43 am
I apologize for the previous comment. I did not realize I clicked on the wrong story. Now to my review. It is a tad confusing the way you switched doesn't points of view during the chapters. There were a some grammatical and punctuation errors, but that can easily be rectified if you read your story aloud. Zane, I don't quite like him just yet. I get that he's a model, but all models aren't vain. I know it is a,part of his job to have a perfect body, but he seems juvenile and shallow for someone that few up with a hard life, but maybe that's how you want him to seem. He reminds me of Zack from "Saved by the Bell" . His Hoodie Hero seems like a cool chick.Reviewer: Mavs0515 Signed [Report This]
Date: October 17 2014 10:18 am
Paragraphs with spaces would make this much easier to read. Formatting is an important part of editing.
I am well aware of that. Sorry for the difficulty in reading. I have attempted to reformat it properly.
Reviewer: Dinndee Signed [Report This]
Date: October 14 2014 08:58 pm
I really like where you're going with this but it's kinda hard to read. It's like one long paragraph. Maybe break up the structure a bit next time. Good story otherwise.
Thanks for the compliment.
I fixed the formatting.
Reviewer: Khamalani Signed [Report This]
Date: October 14 2014 05:47 pm