I missed you. You came back with a quickness * not really, cough cough* but I understand. I liked this chapter, I want to know what the family was hiding from her. I keep remembering that scene where they had wild, earth shattering, booty bubbling sex. Ok, maybe not booty bubbling lol. When are we going to have a time jump for that action.
I MISSED YOU TOO HUMORME! Yeah I had to finish my semester lol! I'm actually about to start another one next week (spring 2016) :) I'm excited! <3 I CANNOT WITH YOU! You said booty bubblin. GIRL. CAN'T!!! *crying* We'll have that jump when they ready for it lol! Hopefully when we get there, it'll still be earth shatterin and full of love and tenderness! I might re-work it so it ain't so porn like lol. Missed ya reviews! <3 LOL.Reviewer: HumorMe Signed [Report This]
Date: December 27 2015 05:56 pm
First, I do like this story, but second, I think an editor/beta-read could help it a little. No one is perfect including me (I always find mistakes but my editors really save me at times.) I may be wrong or alone in this, but it feels like the grammatical errors really throw the vibe of the story off.
Example: She had scoffed loudly, drawing eyes and ears, it grew silent. They WAS listening for a single word.
Edited: She scoffed loudly, drawing her colleagues' attentions which she instantly noticed by the halted conversations about them. She couldn't help but to think, 'Gah, didn't these people have a life?'
Another thing, this is somewhat confusing; when one character speaks, you state the other character's action or facial reaction in the same line. One character speaking should be that line alone. The other character's verbal, physical, and/ or facial response should be a whole, new, and separate line altogether.
Another example: "In all honesty, I just wanted to make you smile." She scoffed at him.
That line could have been interpreted that SHE SAID the "In all..." and was being sarcastic because you wrote that she scoffed at he end of his dialogue line.
Your writing is great, it's just the semantics and syntax that slows down the story. Please don't be offended by what I noted, I really like your story, your style of writing; and can't wait for the next chapter, I only commented because I wanted it to flow better.
First I want to thank you for your review! I appreciate it!!! Second, girl bye this does not offend me at ALL. I ask for constructive crit all the time haha. I want to improve myself any way I can! I thank you for your in depth review with specific areas and examples! Much love to you sweetness! Hope you continue to enjoy my story! :D
D&L <3Reviewer: swirly_girl Signed [Report This]
Date: December 27 2015 02:27 pm
not even read this chapter and im damn near CRYING BC IM SO HAPPY WOWOWOWOW FINALLY U UPDATED UVE BEEN MISSED HERE ON VC!!!!!! lol i been checking for updates on this story for agesss
Awww Anonymous!!!! I've missed YOU too!!!!!! I'm happy that you enjoy my story so much! I hope that every update makes you happy! <3 God bless sweetie!Reviewer: Anonymous Anonymous [Report This]
Date: December 27 2015 03:22 am
Roto is the man or at least he is trying to be, and I love how he forced Rae to let out some of her anger. She needed to let him know what his decision did to her all those years ago. He needed to see the pain that she still carries around and she needed to tell him that tried to get over him but that no man could fill that void. Thank you, someone is going to tell Rae that family has been lying to her and doesn't love like tell her they do. As you can tell, I still can't her adopted parents they twerk my last half of nerve!
I think that after Amee tells Rae the truth that Rae will forgive Roto much sooner. At least I hope so? My mind is spinning with the possiblity of what truth the rents are hiding? THe only reason I even remotely like her sister is because they weren't in the first story. Naw, I really dislike her whole family!!!
haha yeah Roto is the man! <3 Even though they both are like open wounds... I'm hoping that you guys can feel the tenderness and love he still has for Rae! He knows how stubborn she is and only wants to help! <3 Yeah, I'm thinkin that is a possibility! :D <3 Thanks for readin Ms. Gayles!Reviewer: pmgayles Signed [Report This]
Date: December 27 2015 01:16 am