The reddish-orange light poured through the windows of the banquet hall in the castle, and Arthur let out a tiny sigh of relief. He’d only have to pretend for a little while longer; just until sundown when this spectacle of a celebration ended.

 

He’d expressly told his father that he wanted nothing more than dinner with him, Morgana, and some of his knights that he considered friends. But true to form, King Uther had to do things his way, even if it was his son’s birthday, not his. Arthur had briefly thought of locking himself in his room for the night, but he knew his father’s stubbornness matched his own, and he’d likely force the guests to stay until Arthur came out – even if that took weeks.

 

So here he was, in a crowded room full of people he’d either known since birth or barely knew at all; surrounded by the most delicious of foods, and utterly miserable. His face hurt from the practiced smile he’d put on since the festivities started, and his tolerance was thinner than usual for the vapid courtiers and nobleman. The only thing that kept him from screaming was the sinking sun on the horizon.

 

“Your majesty!”

 

Arthur’s focus was taken from the windows to the shrill voice of Baroness Rhodes. He let out a silent groan before turning around, his fake smile firmly in place.

 

“Baroness,” Arthur replied. His eyes moved to the portly woman’s right, where he immediately recognized her eldest daughter, Gadriel. “Lady Gadriel”

 

“This is a most splendid gathering, sire,” Gadriel said, nodding so hard that her blond hair bounced wildly. “You must be so pleased.”

 

“My father insists on the best,” Arthur stated. “I’m glad you approve.”

 

“Oh, most definitely, sire,” Gadriel gushed. “ I hope you’re equally as pleased with the gift I brought you.”

 

“Oh yes, it is to die for! My Gaddy picked it out herself, didn’t you darling?” the Baroness added.

 

Gadriel did her crazed nod again and Arthur nearly rolled his eyes. He couldn’t take much more of this.

 

“There you are, Arthur! I was beginning to think you’d snuck off to see your gifts!”

 

Arthur almost squealed in relief at hearing Merlin’s voice. For as much as the boy irritated him, Merlin had indeed turned out to be the best friend he’d ever had. Not that Arthur would ever tell him so.

 

“I wouldn’t dream of it,” Arthur replied before shooting Merlin a knowing look. He saw Merlin hide a grin.

 

“I’m terribly sorry to trouble you, sire, but there’s  a matter that requires your urgent attention.” Merlin said in a tone so sincere that Arthur almost believed it. Merlin looked at the two women regretfully. “My apologies for stealing him away. Baroness, my Lady.”

 

The woman bowed to Arthur before he turned and headed in the direction that Merlin directed. He walked to the other side of the room, before slipping out through one of the servants’ exits. Once he made it the balcony, he let out the sigh he’d been holding all night. The night air was cool, but it felt good to him, like it was trying to blow away the heaviness in his heart. Arthur heard a chuckle to his left and turned.

 

“I suppose I should thank you for that, back there,” Arthur said. “An evening with Baroness Rhodes results in no less than a week of headache,”

Merlin laughed out loud this time, and Arthur had to join in.

 

“You looked like you needed rescuing,” Merlin teased. “Seems to be my lot in life with you.”

 

Arthur’s laughter slowed as his forehead creased.

 

“What are you talking about? I’m the one who’s had to pull your fat out of the fire more times than I can count.” Arthur replied. “In fact, I think you owe me.”

 

Merlin gave him an amused look as he nodded.

 

“Yes, I suppose I do.” Merlin agreed. “But only because it’s your birthday.”

 

Arthur’s smile faded at this, and he turned and leaned onto the railing.

 

“So it is,” Arthur said quietly.

 

Merlin’s smile also disappeared at Arthur’s sudden change of mood.

 

“Is…are you alright, Arthur?” Merlin asked tentatively. For a while, Arthur said nothing, and Merlin wondered if he’d even heard him.

 

“Have you ever felt as though you were given everything, and left with nothing all at once?” Arthur asked suddenly. Merlin was taken aback by the question; he had no idea where it came from, or how to answer it.

 

“I…I can’t say that I have, “ Merlin admitted after some thought. “How could such a thing be possible?”

 

Arthur was silent again for a moment, but then turned his head slightly and spoke over his shoulder.

 

“Would you go back and make sure my father isn’t looking for me? I…I just need a moment.”

 

Merlin debated as to whether or not to press the matter, but decided against it. He’d noticed that Arthur had been in a strange mood all day, and perhaps all he needed was some time to himself.

 

“Of course, sire,” Merlin said quietly. Arthur nodded at him and turned back to the horizon, effectively dismissing him. Merlin started back into the castle, but stopped at the door to add, “Oh, and happy birthday.”

 

Arthur said nothing, and Merlin took that as his cue to leave. He hurried back to the banquet hall, keeping himself close to the walls so as to keep an eye on things without getting in the way. He saw Uther sitting on his throne, deeply in conversation with the King of Avalon. At least Merlin wouldn’t have to worry about distracting him for a while. He decided to sneak himself a plate of delicacies while he waited.

 

~*~*~*~*

 

“Are you even listening to me, Gwen?”

 

The words cut through Gwen’s trance, causing her to blink rapidly. She turned to Morgana, who had a familiar scowl on her face.

 

“Hmm? Of course,” Gwen lied, frantically trying to remember what Morgana was talking about. “You were mentioning how the women of Avalon have the nicest jewelry.”

 

Morgana gave Gwen a knowing look.

 

“That conversation was ages ago,” Morgana corrected.  “What has you so distracted tonight? I know it can’t  be the company.”

 

Gwen only wished she could tell Morgana what was stealing her attention. Gwen couldn’t really even admit it to herself yet. How do you tell your mistress that you think you’ve fallen in love with the crown prince? The whole situation was ridiculous, really, and Morgana would only try to convince her of that. Though she knew it was impossible; that feeling the way she did was not at all healthy – she couldn’t bear the thought of hearing someone else tell her it was doomed.

 

Very little remained in Gwen’s life in the way of hopeful things. With no family now, a mistress that could soon marry and a King she didn’t trust, Gwen’s future seemed painfully drab and lonely. But somehow, a small glimmer of hope had crept into the veil of sadness she was feeling. It had started when Arthur had come to her to offer his condolences over her father’s death. The gesture had been small, but it gave her a glimpse of the man that Arthur was becoming. A man that she wanted to know far more intimately…

 

“I think I’m just tired, my Lady,” Gwen said at length. “I haven’t been sleeping well in this cold weather.”

Morgana gave Gwen a sorrowful look. It bothered Morgana deeply that Gwen was forced to live in her draughty, make-shift home. But Uther had explicit rules about servants staying at the castle and wouldn’t bend.

 

“Poor Gwen,” Morgana soothed. “I understand all too well how a sleepless night can affect you. You should go home and try to get some rest. I’ll be fine here.”

 

Gwen started to shake her head, but Morgana gave her a stern look.

 

“I’m not asking, Gwen, I’m telling you. Go on, this is almost over anyways.”

 

Gwen pleaded with Morgana for a moment more before giving in and starting for doors. She really didn’t want to go home; it was colder there, and it hadn’t truly felt the same since her father died.  Besides, she’ d hoped to see Arthur again before the night ended; she’d noticed that he was unusually distant for most of the day, and that he looked sad despite the merriment around him. He’d disappeared some time ago before Gwen had a chance to speak with him. Gwen took lingering steps towards the door, hoping that Arthur would come through them before she had to leave. She glanced to her right and saw Merlin backed into a corner with his face buried in a full plate of food. She smiled as she watched him gorge himself.

 

“Hungry?”

 

Merlin froze mid-chew at the voice, but relaxed when he saw that it was only Gwen. Had she been with Morgana, he would have been horrified.

 

“Sorry,” he mumbled through his mouthful. “But I couldn’t resist.”

Gwen giggled at him  as she took a grape from his plate.

 

“Can’t blame you, the food is amazing,” she commented. “The whole evening has actually been quite wonderful, don’t you think?”

 

Merlin nodded as he swallowed his food.

 

“Yes,” he agreed once he could speak. “It’s certainly better than any birthday I’ve ever had.”

 

“Me too,” Gwen said. She glanced around the room again. “Speaking of which, where’s the guest of honor?”

 

Merlin shrugged.

 

“He’s near,” Merlin answered. “He just wanted a moment to himself. I’m sure he’ll be back soon.”

 

Gwen’s expression turned to one of concern.

 

“He isn’t himself, is he?” she asked, not caring how it sounded. Merlin looked at her for a moment before sighing and shaking his head.

 

“No, I don’t think he is,” Merlin admitted. “I don’t know what it is, but he just seems…”

 

“Sad.” Gwen answered.

 

“Yes,” Merlin said. “That’s exactly what it seems like. Like he’ sad about something, though I can’t imagine what. He’s the prince of Camelot, strong, handsome and the object of more than just a few women’s affections. He should be walking on clouds.”

 

“Things aren’t always what they seem, Merlin,” Gwen said softly. “Everyone has their dark places.”

 

Merlin sighed.

 

“Yes, I suppose you’re right.” Merlin relented. “But I still don’t see what it could be.”

 

“Did you ask?”

 

“Of course!” Merlin squeaked. “But he didn’t’ say anything so…”

 

“Typical” Gwen said, folding her arms. Merlin looked confused.

 

“What?”

 

“You see that he’s been brooding all day, and you believe him when he tells you that nothing is wrong?” Gwen asked. Merlin nodded.

 

“Why wouldn’t I? He’d tell me if there was something…wouldn’t he?”

 

Gwen thought about explaining the inner workings of emotions to him, but decided against it in favor of keeping her temper.

 

“Where is Arthur?” Gwen asked again. Merlin pointed outside the doors.

 

“Out on the terrace.” Merlin answered.  “He said he wanted to be alo- hey! Where are you going?”

 

“To really make sure that he’s alright,” Gwen answered in a hushed tone. “So stop stuffing yourself and keep an eye out for the King for me.”

 

Merlin had to smile at this. Her tone and stance when she barked the last order reminded him so much of Arthur that he felt compelled to obey.

 

“As you wish, your highness!” Merlin replied, giving Gwen a mock bow. Gwen gave him a sheepish smile before heading out of the doors.

 

She could definitely see herself getting used to that title.

Gwen walked silently onto the terrace, shivering slightly as the cool night air hit her skin. The sky was full of stars, and the moon seemed particularly bright. Nights like these were her favorites for lying on her back and watching the sky, wondering how the stars got there or who hung the moon.

Her gaze fell on Arthur, who was leaned lazily against the railing of the balcony. His face was turned upwards, and Gwen could see the wind teasing his hair. Even in the moonlight, Arthur was a truly handsome man.

“Making a birthday wish, sire?”

Arthur started at hearing Gwen’s voice, snapping out of his trance. He turned to look at her, and had to give her a small smile. As always, she stood with her hands clasped together, looking shy and nervous even though Arthur knew she could be otherwise. He shook his head.

“Nothing quite that childish, I’m afraid,” Arthur answered. “Is everything alright? Is Morgana - ?”

“She’s fine, my lord,” Gwen replied, taking a few steps closer. “I ran into Merlin inside and he mentioned you were out here, so…”

“So you came to check on me?” Arthur finished. Gwen shrugged.

“Well, Merlin mentioned you were a bit…out of sorts,” Gwen began. “And besides, if I have to hear one more courtier twitter on mindlessly, I’ll drown myself in the punch.”

Arthur stared at Gwen seriously for a moment before bursting into laughter. Leave it to Gwen to put it bluntly with a humorous twist. It felt good to laugh; it was the first time he felt lighter all day.

“I suppose I can’t fault you for that,” Arthur said between chuckles.

Gwen gave him a smirk before walking up to the railing. She looked past the castle grounds to the rolling fields and trees of Camelot and sighed.

“You have quite the kingdom, Arthur Pendragon,” Gwen breathed. “Your legacy is a great one.”

The smile on Arthur’s face faded as he too looked across the land.

“It’s mine, for better or worse.” He muttered. Gwen looked at him.

“What could be worse about having all of this?” she asked. “A beautiful land and people in it who love you?”

Arthur sniffed as he looked skyward again. He knew that Gwen was right, but his mood wasn’t allowing for any merriment. He looked down when he felt a soft squeeze on his arm.

“What’s wrong, sire?” Gwen asked softly.

She didn’t want to pry, but it bothered her terribly to see the shadow over his face. Arthur stared intently at her for some time; to the point where Gwen began to wonder if she’d overstepped by asking. But then his expression changed.

“It’s silly, really.” Arthur began. “It…doesn’t make sense for me to think about it, and yet, I can’t seem to think of anything else.”

Arthur paused as his gaze went skyward again. Gwen could tell that whatever was bothering him was painful; she could see the moisture in his eyes. But she said nothing and waited. Arthur cleared his throat and started again.

“By reason, you shouldn’t miss something you’ve never really had, right?” he asked. Gwen shrugged.

“I suppose that depends on what you’ve lost.” She answered. Arthur focused on her, surprised by her answer.

“Yes, I suppose you’re right.” He said slowly. “But – to miss something so much, when you already have almost everything…I am a selfish wretch, aren’t I?"

Gwen’s expression softened. She slid her hand from his arm down to his hand.

“Not at all, sire.” Gwen stated. “Sometimes all the possessions in the world can’t replace something precious that you’ve lost.”

Arthur let out a shuddered sigh at her words.

“Sometimes I feel as though…I have no right to complaint,” Arthur said solemnly. “I’m heir to a throne that some would kill for, all the luxuries I could want. And I am happy, mostly.”

“But?” Gwen asked. Arthur sighed again.

“But sometimes, on days like this one…it’s just not enough. It just doesn’t make up for…” Arthur trailed off, his eyes now fixed on their joined hands.

“It doesn’t make up for what?” Gwen prompted, tilting her head to catch his gaze.

“It doesn’t make up for what I want.” Arthur said in a whisper. He looked up at Gwen with sombre eyes. “Or who.”

Gwen’s heart sped up slightly at his words. Was he speaking of her? She wasn’t sure, but she hoped that the idea didn’t bring him this much sadness. She needed to be clear.

“Who is it that you’re missing?” Gwen asked. Arthur released her hand and turned back to the railing. “Please tell me.”

Arthur was silent for sometime. He’d never spoken to anyone about this, but maybe if he did, it would hurt less…

“Sometimes…sometimes I think I’m the only one who remembers that the day I was born was the same day my mother died.” Arthur said finally, and Gwen could hear the pain in his words. “Every year I get a reminder of what my life cost her, and my father.”

Gwen felt her heart break at his words, and reached out to touch his shoulder gently.

“What about what it has cost you, Arthur?” she asked quietly.

Arthur turned back to look at her when she said this, surprised by her reply. Her eyes held such warmth and understanding, that he couldn’t hold back the wave of sadness that came over him. He pulled Gwen to him, buring his head in her shoulder as he bit back years worth of anger, frustration and sadness. Gwen was surprised at his actions at first, but then held him tightly, whispering comforting words in his ear.


~*~*~*

“Merlin, come here.”

Merlin stopped mid-chew at Uther’s commanding tone. He’d thought he was quite disguised in the small corner of the hall, but apparently he was wrong. He looked up at Uther, to see his stern eyes, just a shade darker than Arthur’s, burning into him. Merlin put his plate down immediately and hurried over to the king, swallowing his large mouthful on the way.

“Yes, your majesty?” Merlin said as he approached. Uther looked sweepingly around the room.

“Where is my son, Merlin?” Uther asked pointedly. The king was not ignorant to how close this servant and his son had become; and he knew that Merlin would know Arthur’s whereabouts. Merlin blanked his expression and shrugged.

“The last time I saw him, he was speaking with Baronness Rhodes.” Merlin replied. It wasn’t a complete lie. Uther narrowed his eyes.

“I saw that as well, Merlin,” Uther said. “But that was quite some time ago. Where is he now?”

Merlin swallowed thickly. He knew that Uther was the last person Arthur wanted to see right now, but he didn’t relish the idea of being put in the stocks for disobeying the king. Another lie was about to be born.

“Er – He mentioned that he felt a little ill, sire,” Merlin started. “So I advised that he take a small walk about the grounds to see if the fresh air would do him some good. Maybe he took my advice?”

“He’s not being a very gracious host,” Uther said under his breath, nodding at a nobleman as he walked passed. “I raised him better than that. If it isn’t bad enough that he’s been sulking all night…”

“Do you know why that is, sire?” Merlin asked, surprised that Uther had noticed Arthur’s disposition. Uther looked at Merlin curiously.

“Arthur’s mood?” Uther replied. “Who knows? He’s moody at the best of times. I’ve given up trying to figure it out.”

“Yes, but, to act like this on his birthday?” Merlin pressed. “It just seems like a strange day to be sad.”

Uther’s gaze went unfocused for a moment, and Merlin could see that whatever Uther was thinking about wasn’t pleasant. He didn’t get a chance to say anything before Uther’s usual firm expression returned.

“Go and find my son and tell him that it’s time to return. He’s making a poor impression on his guests.” Uther said, his tone oddly cold. “If he’s not back here by the time the performers begin, I’ll hold you responsible.”

With that, Uther turned and headed towards a group of noblemen nearby, effectively dismissing Merlin. Merlin ran a hand over his face. He hadn’t seen Gwen return, and he had a good feeling that she and Arthur were still talking…or something else. He still blushed slightly at the memory of walking in on the two of them kissing only weeks before. Arthur had insisted that it had nothing; a result of all the wine he drank that night. But Merlin knew it was more than that. He’d noticed the way Arthur had begun staring at Gwen when he thought no one was looking, the way her name kept popping up in conversations they had, and especially the way he made more and more excuses to be in her company. To Merlin, the kiss had been inevitable. But Merlin knew just how risky it was for Arthur to harbor these feelings, and for Gwen to allow it. After the way Uther had handled Gwen’s father, who knew what he’d do to Gwen if he found out?

“What was that all about?”

Merlin was startled out of his thoughts by Morgana’s voice behind him. He spun around to look at her.

“Nothing, really,” he said. “Uther’s looking for Arthur.” Morgana rolled her eyes.

“He can’t give that boy a moment, can he?” she said before finishing her goblet of wine. “Anyone with eyes can see that Arthur’s miserable – he didn’t even want this party. And yet Uther just pushes and pushes –“

“He was just trying to do what’s best for his son,” Merlin defended. Morgana scoffed.

“If he wanted to do what was best for his son, he’d listen to him for a change.” Morgana countered. She then fanned her hand as if to dismiss the subject. “Have you seen Gwen?”

Merlin sighed. He hadn’t told Morgana about the turn Arthur and Gwen’s relationship had taken, and apparently neither had Gwen. He didn’t know if it was his place to say anything.

“I think she went for a walk,” Merlin hedged. “She wasn’t really enjoying herself.”

”I don’t blame her,” Morgana said. “Having to stare at her father’s murderer all night and a birthday boy who’s walking around like someone died puts a damper on things for me too.”

And that’s when it clicked for Merlin. Walking around like someone died.

“Of course,” Merlin muttered aloud. Morgana gave him a strange look.

“Of course what?” she asked. But Merlin barely heard her.

“That explains – how could I not have seen it?” Merlin continued, more to himself. “God, I’m such a terrible friend.”

“Merlin, what are you talking about?” Morgana asked, thoroughly confused. But Merlin started to walk away.

“I have to go find Arthur before his father starts looking for him.” Merlin said absently.

He then disappeared into the crowd of people, leaving Morgana feeling utterly perplexed.

~*~*~*

“If you could have anything in the world, what would it be?” Arthur asked.

He and Gwen were both leaning against the railing, staring into the black sky. Gwen was nestled into him, as Arthur had seen the gooseflesh on her arms and insisted she stay close to him – for heat, of course. Gwen chewed on her lip as she contemplated his question.

“Anything?” she asked, milling her brain. Arthur nodded.

“Anything at all. No matter how expensive or far-fetched.”

“Love.” She answered finally. Arthur furrowed his brow.

“Love?” he repeated. He was truly surprised by her answer. “Of all the things in this world?”

Gwen nodded resolutely as she looked at him.

“Yes, I want love.” She answered again. “Why, what would you get?”

“My mother back, of course,” Arthur answered quickly. He then shook his head. “I would think that you would want your parents back, too.”

Gwen was silent for a moment while she thought.

“I do miss my parents terribly,” Gwen admitted. “I don’t remember my mother very well, so it would be wonderful to see her again. And my father…well he was wonderful.”

“So then why would you choose love over having them back?” Arthur asked. Gwen turned to him, and Arthur instinctively wrapped his arms around her.

“Because I have to look to the future.” Gwen replied. “Even if my parents had lived, I would lose them again eventually. I…I don’t want to be alone. I want to love someone, and have them love me back.”

Arthur looked at Gwen intently again, and she lowered her head as she blushed.

“You think it’s stupid,” she mumbled, trying to pull back. But Arthur’s hold remained firm.

“No,” Arthur said. “I think – I think it’s quite extraordinary, actually. Much like you, Guinevere.”

The way he said her name sent chills down Gwen’s back and weakened her knees. She bit on her smile as she looked up at him again, and he grazed a hand along her cheek.

“So are you, sire,” Gwen whispered back. “Queen Igraine would have been very proud of you. And she’d want you to celebrate every year of life you get to live. It was her gift to you, Arthur, cherish it.”

At that moment, Arthur felt as though his chest would collapse and burst all at once. His mind went to a memory of he and his father walking up on of the hills of Camelot when he was younger, at an age where he’d just started to notice the opposite sex. He remembered asking his father how he would know when he fell in love. His father had told him that he would know love when he would give anything for someone; when just the sight of them lifted and filled you up with so much love you would feel that you couldn’t contain it. His father had said that there would be no doubt in his mind that that woman would be the one he would spend the rest of his life with.

That woman was standing in front of Arthur now, and he felt and understood everything his father had told him for the first time in his life.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Gwen asked when she noted the change in Arthur’s eyes.

Arthur pushed a curl out of her face, his thumb caressing her cheek as he did so. He wanted to tell her what he’d just realized. He wanted to scream it from this terrace, for all of Camelot to hear; he was unmistakably, irreversibly, completely and happily in love with Guinevere. He opened his mouth to declare it, but the logical part of his thoughts interrupted him.

Gwen, as wonderful and beautiful as she was…was a commoner, worse, a servant. Completely under his station in every way. What would he do now? His feelings for Gwen wouldn’t matter to his father; all he would see is what Gwen was not. Would it be fair to her to tell her his feelings, when there was nothing he could do about it? She was too honorable to be a mistress, and yet, Arthur couldn’t bear the thought of never being with her.

He needed time, he decided. Time to figure out how he would make it work. Perhaps he could convince his father in time to see the things in Guinevere that he did. Arthur leaned in and placed a lingering kiss on Gwen’s forehead. He heard her breath catch, but she said nothing.

“Thank you, Guinevere,” Arthur said when he pulled back to look at her. “For your words, your understanding…for your company.”

Gwen gave a small smile as she nodded, a small tear falling from her eye.

“It was my pleasure, sire.” She replied lowly. Arthur then shook his head before taking her chin in his hands.

“When it is just you and I, call me Arthur,” he said firmly. Gwen blushed, but nodded.

They both jumped when they heard a throat being cleared behind them. Gwen immediately stepped back, untangling herself from Arthur’s arms, and Arthur straighted his tunic – and then groaned.

“Oh, it’s only you,” Arthur griped as Merlin stepped out onto the terrace. “You scared the devil out of me.”

“Sorry,” Merlin said sincerely. He nodded at Gwen. “Sorry.”

Gwen shook her head, keeping it down to hide her burning cheeks.

“No, I’m sorry,” Gwen said quickly. “I should be getting back, Morgana’s likely looking for me. Goodnight, sire.”

Gwen bowed quickly and made to leave, but Arthur took her arm. She looked back at him pleadingly, but he leaned in until his lips were nearly touching her ear.

“You will have have your wish, Guinevere.” Arthur whispered. “You will have love, I promise you.”

His lips brushed against her hear, and Gwen let out a small sigh despite herself. Arthur released her and she headed towards the door. She stopped when she reached Merlin and gave him a begging look. He gave her a half smile and nodded her in.

“I didn’t see anything,” he whispered to her with a wink. Gwen let out a sigh of relief before kissing Merlin on the cheek.

“Thanks,” she said to him. She then turned back to look at Arthur and added, “Happy Birthday, Prince Arthur.”

Arthur smiled warmly at her.

“Thank you, Guinevere.”

She returned his smile before disappearing into the castle. Merlin turned back to Arthur, who he noted seemed in far better spirits then before.

“You look better,” Merlin commented. Arthur nodded as he stretched.

“I feel better,” he agreed. “Guess the fresh air did me some good.”

Merlin took a few steps closer, shoving his hands in his pockets.

“Look, Arthur,” Merlin began. “I…I don’t know what it’s like to lose a mother, but I-“

“It’s alright, Merlin,” Arthur cut in. Merlin looked up at him questioningly. “Really, I’m fine.”

Merlin wasn’t convinced.

“It’s alright if you’re not. You don’t have to pretend with me,” Merlin said. But Arthur shook his head.

“I’m not pretending,” Arthur replied. He placed a hand on Merlin’s shoulder. “I appreciate your concern, Merlin. Truly. You don’t know how much it means to me that you remembered. But I really am fine, in fact, I’m better than ever.”

Merlin tilted his head at his friend.

“Would that have anything to do with what I saw when I came out here?” Merlin asked intuitively. Arthur looked up with a shrug.

“I haven’t the faintest idea what you’re talking about Merlin,” Arthur said pointedly. He then squeezed Merlin’s shoulder hard enough for Merlin to wince. “And neither do you, understand?”

Merlin nodded eagerly and Arthur released him.

“I wouldn’t have said anything, you know.” Merlin carped, rubbing his shoulder. Arthur let out a chuckle as he headed back towards the castle.

“I know,” Arthur said over his shoulder. “I just like seeing you squirm.”

Merlin gave Arthur a venomous glance.
 
“Prat,” Merlin grumbled before following him back into the castle.

~*~*~*

The performers were better than most that Camelot had ever seen. They did flips and tumbles and tricks with fire that were pleasing to the eye, but Arthur’s attentions were solely on the excited face of Gwen. His Guinevere. He smiled as he watched her face light up with every trick the performers did, and the bright smiles she gave when she clapped for them. She would look up at him from time to time, and give him a warm smile that made his heart stutter. Being in love wasn’t so terrible, he thought. He almost felt badly for all of his knights that he’d teased over the years for feeling the very same thing.

Arthur’s change in temperament – and his longing stares at Gwen – didn’t go unnoticed by Uther. He glanced casually between his son and the servant girl after becoming bored with the entertainment. He didn’t like what he saw; though Uther rarely showed emotion, it didn’t mean he was blind to it. He knew what affection looked like, and it was glaringly obvious when his son looked at Gwen. The servant. The inappropriate one. The unacceptable one.

“Your mood seems much improved, my son,” Uther said after leaning towards his son. Arthur wished he’d moved his throne further away.

“I feel much better,” Arthur answered.

“So that walk did you some good?”

Arthur’s forehead creased.

“Walk?” he asked. Uther raised an eyebrow.

“Merlin said that you went for a walk earlier to ease your ills.” Uther said deliberately. Arthur’s face lit with realization.

“Oh yes,” Arthur lied. “Yes, it was quite nice. Great actually.”

Uther grunted as he nodded. His mind flashed to his conversation with Merlin earlier that night, and he felt a familiar heaviness in his heart.

“I…I know what must come to your mind on this day,” Uther said, his voice lowering. “But you must know…your mother would have wanted you to be happy; to celebrate this day as she would have.”

Arthur finally looked at his father, and felt a lump in his throat at the sadness he saw in his eyes. He had no idea that Uther remembered, but the more he thought about it, the more he realized that it was probably worse for his father. Arthur shook his head.

“I know,” Arthur said in the same tone. “I know it’s harder on you, and I’m sorry.”

Uther reached out and placed his hand on the back of Arthur’s neck.

“We both lost an incredible woman that day,” Uther said solemnly. “But I do not nor will I ever regret it. You are, the greatest gift she ever gave me. Do you understand?”

Arthur could do nothing but nod, his throat was tight and it was all he could do to keep composed in front of all of his guests. Uther’s jaw set as he sniffed, and Arthur could tell that he too was struggling with his emotions. After a moment, Uther nodded.

“Good,” Uther said at last. He noticed that Arthur’s gaze had fallen yet again on Gwen, and that she seemed to be mouthing something to him. Uther couldn’t make it out, but when he looked back at Arthur, Arthur was smiling.

“I noticed that Morgana’s handmaid was gone for sometime this evening too,” Uther said suddenly, garnering a suspicious look from his son. “Morgana said she went for a walk. Did you happen to see her when you were out?”

Arthur looked away. He knew his father knew something, but he wasn’t sure how much. As much as they had just bonded, Arthur knew this wasn’t the right time to tell him about Gwen.

“No, I didn’t see her,” Arthur lied. “Why do you ask?”

Uther shrugged as he gave Gwen another sidelong glance.

“No reason,” Uther replied. “Just a coincidence I suppose.” Uther then turned back to Arthur and looked at him seriously. “Though I should warn you, it would be highly damaging if anyone were to think that you and a servant girl were liasing in secret.”

And there it was, Arthur thought. He took a deep breath to remain calm before replying,

“Damaging to whom, father?”

“To me, to you – to Camelot!” Uther answered. “We are a kingdom that many look up to, my son. It is imperative that we keep our reputation in mind at all times. No matter what we want.”

Uther was sure to look directly at Gwen with his last words, and Arthur slouched in his seat. This was going to be much harder than he thought. But if there was one trait that he’d inherited from his father, it was his stubborness. Arthur looked back at Gwen, who was speaking animatedly to Morgana. There was no doubt that he loved her, just as there was no doubt that he would fight for her. He promised her love, and love he would give.

“I know it’s imposing, son,” Uther said after a moment. “But you’ll understand once you’re king.”

Arthur smiled at this, straightening up in his chair. He glanced out the window to see that the sky that was black only moments ago was already beginning to brighten. It was always darkest before the dawn. He looked at his father and nodded.

“Yes, when I am king.” Was all he said.

Things will be much different then, Arthur thought, as he cast a confident glance on his future queen..