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Chapter 4
Taylor was sitting in Fugaro’s with Brandon and Tanner the next weekend still thinking about what occurred between he and Janae. He knew he should have stopped her the moment she kissed him, but he just couldn’t stop. She felt right sitting on top of him and she smelled so good and felt even better and those lips….those were the lips of a goddess, he thought as he tried to clear her and her delectable mouth out of his head. She said she loved him and he did not love her, at least not in that way. He hated the way she looked at him, but he knew he did the right thing.
“Yo, T, you’re miles away. What’s up with you? I just told you that Kyra Dennis asked about you and you just said, okay? That girl is freakin’ super hot and you just say okay? Something’s up,” Brandon said as Taylor glanced at his friend. He, Tanner and Brandon had been friends since they were in kindergarten. They knew when something was off with the other and Taylor was not himself. Taylor chewed on a piece of pepperoni from his pizza.
“I just have some stuff concerning work going on. I’m a little stressed. That’s all,” Taylor said convincingly. Brandon backed off and Taylor popped another pepperoni in his mouth. He didn’t tell Brandon or Tanner about what happened. He couldn’t tell anyone.
“Well, I want to go to Eclipse tonight. Are you two in?” Tanner asked.
Brandon said yes and Taylor nodded yes. He needed a night of clubbing to get his mind off of Janae. As he looked up at the patrons, he noticed a guy that looked like Janae’s ex-boyfriend going to the bathroom. ‘Naw, that can’t be him,’ Taylor thought to himself. Then, the guy smiled and Taylor could not believe his eyes. Yeah, that’s the little piece of shit…the one that put Janae out of the limo.
“I’ll be right back,” Taylor said as he walked to the bathroom. He saw there was another guy in the restroom and waited until he left. Luke hadn’t noticed him. Taylor locked the door and leaned against it. When Luke turned around, he almost pissed his pants. Taylor grinned at him.
“Hey, Luke. What’s up?” Taylor asked as he walked toward him.
Luke tried to walk around him. “Not much. If you’ll excuse me.” Taylor blocked his path.
“No, I don’t want you to go just yet. I need to talk to you, about Janae…you know the girl who wouldn’t sleep with your little punk ass and you put her out of your limo on prom night, not giving a shit if something happened to her. Any of that ring a bell?” Taylor asked as he stood in Luke’s face and walked as Luke ended up against a wall.
Luke was scared shitless because he met this guy once when he picked Janae up. He knew this dude didn’t like him and he knew the guy was pissed. Luke swallowed.
“Um, look, that had nothing to do with you. That was between Janae and I and she knew the deal. She didn’t want to give it up and if she wasn’t going to, then she had to step…,” and the next thing Luke felt was a fist to his nose. He heard a crack and squealed as both of his hands covered his bloody nose.
“Ow, shit you broke my nose!” Luke squealed like a little girl. Taylor grinned as he saw blood trickle out of his nose.
“That was for Janae. She didn’t deserve to be treated like that and now you know how I feel about you doing it. Look in the mirror now you pretty muthafucka. See how you look now. Every time you see it, you’re going to wish you wouldn’t have fucked with Janae like that. Think about that the next time you pull some punk ass shit like that. Later, pretty boy,” Taylor said with a grin as he unlocked the door and walked out. Luke continued to moan and groan in pain about his nose like a girl.
Yeah, that felt good, Taylor thought. That was for you baby girl, he thought as he walked back to his table.
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“So, you’re sure about this?” Tavin asked three weeks later as Janae packed her bags. She was starting an early summer program at the University of the Arts in Philadelphia, where she decided to get her BFA in Modern Dance. Tavin figured she would just stay in New York and go through Alvin Ailey’s Fordham BFA program since she had been taking classes there since she moved to New York.
“Yes, Tavy, I’m sure,” Janae replied as she moved around her room. She avoided Taylor as much as she could and it was so hard a few weeks ago at her graduation dinner, surrounded by his family. She did pretty well, barely looking at him or speaking to him. When she did catch his eyes, he looked sorry and hurt. Well, she didn’t want him to be either of those things, but he hurt her and him turning her away did her in.
“I just don’t understand, Doodles. You practically know everyone at Alvin Ailey due to the extension classes that you’ve been taking there since you moved here and you got in the BFA program. Why don’t you want to go there?” Tavin asked, as she sat slowly on Janae’s bed, rubbing her belly.
“I want to get away for college, have that away from home experience, like you did. I know U of A is not Alvin Ailey, but it’s a damn good school with a great program. After I graduate from there, I can dance anywhere I want, including Alvin Ailey. They have lots of former Ailey dancers as instructors. I just want to leave, Tavy, that’s all,” Janae said as she placed socks in her suitcase. Tavin’s brown mid shoulder length hair shuffled around her shoulders as she narrowed her eyes with a smile at Janae.
“No, something else is going on and I want you to tell me what’s up. I can feel it. What’s the deal?” Tavin asked as Janae looked around her room, sighed, then looked back at her sister.
“Do you promise not to tell Cam?” Janae asked.
“Promise. So, what’s up? Is it Taylor?” Tavin asked knowingly.
“Tavy! How did you know?” Janae asked.
“Baby sis, there ain’t much that I don’t know about you. So, what happened?” Tavin asked as Janae relayed the events of that night. She always knew that Janae had a crush on Taylor, but love? He was more experienced than she was and older, but Tavin knew Taylor and the Taylor she knew did the right thing the night in question. Tavin grinned at her sister.
“Well, I for one am glad that Taylor stopped, sweetie. You were not ready for that. I definitely know you were not ready for Taylor and if he’s anything like his brother…whew. Nope, definitely not,” Tavin replied.
“But I was ready! I was,” Janae replied.
“No, you weren’t and deep down you know that, too. Is he the reason you decided to go to U of A?” Tavin asked.
“Partly, but I had been on the fence about staying here for awhile. Look, you and Cameron have been super duper good to me and you haven’t had the chance to bond as a family with Kendy. With the baby coming, you can have that, without me being here,” Janae said softly looking at her big sister. Tavin smiled.
“You sound super duper stupid right now. You are our family, Janae. Don’t ever think that we didn’t want you here because that’s not true. I definitely want you here, especially now, with all these damn babies around the place,” Tavin stated as they both laughed.
“But seriously, we never regretted you being here. Ever. But if you feel that U of A would give you the experience that you want, then I’m all for it. Just make sure you come home for Thanksgiving and Christmas,” Tavin said.
Janae laughed, “And occasionally on the weekend. You know I need regular doses of Kendy’s hugs and kisses. She’s such a sweetie pie.”
“She’s her father’s daughter, that’s what she is. That girl acts more and more like Cameron everyday. Dinner’s in an hour. Don’t forget to pack our song,” Tavin said as Janae smiled.
“Trust me, that song has gotten me through a lot. I won’t,” Janae replied as Tavin stood up slowly. Janae helped her up and as she walked to the door, she turned around.
“I am so proud of you, Doodles. And the thing with Taylor? Give it time, okay. Go to school and have fun, and handle your business. Okay?” Tavin asked as Janae grinned.
“I will. Thanks sis,” Janae stated.
“No problem,” Tavin replied as she walked slowly down the stairs. Janae contemplated everything that Tavin said to her and she knew what she wanted that night and she knew that Taylor wanted it to. Why did he have to stop, she thought as she closed her door and put on the song that got her through her mother’s desertion, cloudy days, countless auditions and practice sessions. As the song wafted through the air, Janae couldn’t help but wonder what if she and Taylor had made love. She looked at the present that he gave her for graduation, a white gold necklace with diamond encrusted ballet slippers and sighed. He knew her and he knew her dreams. How could he not know that he was apart of them? Janae sighed once more as she looked at the necklace around her neck and finished packing.
“Ain’t no stopping sunshine by Yoli”
Don’t try to tell me to wait till I belong
You can’t convince me that what I dream is wrong
No matter what you say, you can’t cloud my head
I push the fear away/ you remember what I said-
You can’t stop the tide rising high, no
You can’t stop the light in my eyes, oh no
You can’t keep me down, I’ll tell you why
Ain’t no stopping sunshine
Ain’t no stopping me
Ain’t no stopping all the love that sets the people free
Ain’t no stopping this love from changing peoples minds
Ain’t no stopping sunshine, gonna leave the dark behind
I won’t believe it if you say I’ve lost my chance
I’ll be the one who couldn’t walk but learned to dance
Each day my world turns one more revolution
Bring on the dawn gotta light one more solution
You can’t stop what I’m all about, no
You can’t hide for long in your doubt, oh no
Raise your shades up high, come on out
Ain’t no stopping sunshine
Ain’t no stopping me
Ain’t no stopping all the love that sets the people free
Ain’t no stopping this love from changing peoples minds
Ain’t no stopping sunshine, gonna leave the dark behind
Ain’t no stopping my sunshine (4x)
Let me ease your pain
Stop your endless night
Don’t you let it rain on your inner light
If you lost your way
I could show you mine
Just remember the sun’s meant to shine
(spoken) I know that you’ll never let me down
Repeat chorus
Ad lib out
*********************************************************
“Hey, dipshit, what are you daydreaming about?” Josslyn Caldwell-Ferguson asked as she walked into Taylor’s office on a Friday afternoon. Taylor knew what day this was and he felt horrible. He knew that he was partly to blame for Janae’s decision to go to Philadelphia, but he knew she needed to go. She needed to experience life away and she couldn’t do that here. He wanted her to experience everything that life had to offer. He figured that when she came back, she’d be a little older and wiser and maybe, just maybe they could see where this attraction would take them.
“Not you, that’s for sure. What do you want?” Taylor snapped.
“Don’t be so sensitive. My goodness, you can definitely tell when you aren’t getting laid,” Josslyn replied as Taylor gave her the finger.
“Whateva’, Joss. Again, why are you bothering me?” Taylor asked.
“We were all going to see Doodles off. Are you coming?” Josslyn asked as he looked over at the hot pink and silver wrapped present that was on his desk.
“Is that for Doodles? Aw, how sweet is that?” Josslyn asked.
“Shut up. Yeah, I’m, coming,” Taylor replied as he walked out after Josslyn.
*********************************************************
At the airport, everyone was giving Janae gifts and hugging and kissing her. She felt so loved and she knew that God had blessed her to know and be among such loving people.
“You call me anytime. I’ll tell you where all the good clubs are and how to get into them without paying,” Josslyn said as she hugged Janae.
“Joss,” Cameron said.
“Calm down, Cam. Be good and kick ass,” Josslyn whispered after their embrace. Tavin was the last one to hug her until this point. She hugged her sister and she and Taylor’s eyes caught. She figured no one was paying attention, but little did she know, Colleen Caldwell and Josslyn spotted their exchange and looked at each other with knowing grins on their faces.
“When you get back, you’re going to be a teedy again,” Tavin said with a smile.
“I know. I’ll be here on the first thing smoking when you call, okay?” Janae asked as Tavin grinned.
“Okay,” Tavin said as they hugged once more. After Tavin hugged her, Taylor stepped in front of her, dressed in a grey suit, with a pale yellow shirt. He looked incredible, Janae thought, but she would not think about anything sad. She had to go. She wanted to.
Taylor held her elbow and pulled her away from everyone and handed her a hot pink and silver wrapped box. “Here. I hope you like it.”
Janae smiled and tucked the small package in her purse, then looked up into Taylor’s eyes. “I’m sure I will, but you didn’t have to.” Taylor smiled as he saw the necklace that he gave her for graduation around her neck.
“No, I wanted to. I’m sorry about hurting you…that wasn’t my intention,” Taylor said.
“I know, Taylor,” she said.
“I don’t regret what happened, but…it’s not the right time, Janae and I want you to experience stuff, you know,” he said.
“I get it, T…for real. I’m over it, really. I hope we can still be friends,” Janae said with a brilliant smile on her face, meaning what she said, but wishing it could be more. She knew he cared now and that was all she needed.
Taylor looked down into that beautiful face and couldn’t believe what she just said. The girl was so incredible. All the prior tension had left as he grinned down at her.
“Of course. So, can I get a hug?” Taylor asked as Janae stepped closer to him, wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him. He smelled and felt so good. Janae wanted to remember that. Taylor didn’t want to let her go. She felt right in his embrace. He reluctantly let her go and grinned down into her face.
“Stay away from all frat boys and keep your mace handy,” Taylor said as Janae laughed. He was going to miss that laugh.
“I’ll do that,” Janae replied.
“I mean it, lil bit. I’m friends with frat guys, so I’m speaking what I know. Just…take care of yourself, okay? Have fun and good luck. I’m going to miss you,” Taylor replied as she picked up her carry on bag.
“I’m going to miss you, too. Bye everyone. Yes, Tavin I will call when I get in. No, Cameron I will not drink. Bye,” Janae grinned as she looked at everyone once more. Kendall waved at her yelling loud bye byes from her grandmother’s arms as Janae blew kisses to her. Kendall blew kisses back as they all laughed. She nodded her head to Taylor and walked to board her plane.
“Aw, my little sister is all grown up,” Tavin said as Cameron hugged her around the waist, rubbing her belly.
That she is, Taylor thought as he watched Janae walk out of his life. But it was for the best.
*********************************************************
Later that afternoon at Caldwell Industries, Taylor was being a major pain in the ass to everyone. He had been acting that way ever since they left the airport. Josslyn knew the reason and decided to try and talk to her little brother before someone beat the crap out of him.
“No, those figures are not correct…I’ll fax over the real figures in 5 minutes,” Taylor said as he hung up the phone. He got the documents together and faxed them, not wanting to even bother with asking someone else to do it. Josslyn walked into his office and sat across from his desk
Taylor glanced over at his sister as he walked back to his desk. He shook the documents that were in his hand at her. “Joss, if this is about the Danworth Corp figures, I just refaxed them, so don’t start it.”
Josslyn just gave him that cool look that she always did. “I’m not here about that. I know Leonard screwed that up and I knew you would fix it. You always do.”
Taylor sighed. “Joss, I really don’t have time for your shit right now, so what is it?”
“I want to know what bug crawled up your ass,” Joss responded.
Taylor narrowed his hazel eyes at her. “I’m just having a bad day, that’s all. That happens sometimes.”
“You’ve been PMSing on everyone, baby boy. Logan wanted to put tape on your mouth and lock you in a closet until you calmed down and could play nicely with others,” Josslyn said with a grin. Taylor gave Josslyn another look.
“Logan didn’t say that…that was you,” Taylor said.
“Yeah, it was, but I needed to blame someone else. Taylor, talk to me. What’s going on?”
“I’m just having a crappy day…that’s all. No more, no less,” he said.
“No, I don’t think that’s it…I think this has to do with Janae. I saw the look that passed between you two. I know she’s had a crush on you for years, but…you have feelings for her don’t you?” Josslyn asked. Taylor sat back in his chair and ran his hand through his hair twice. Josslyn grinned. Taylor always did that when he was frustrated or dealing with something difficult. She figured it was both in this situation.
Flashes of her sitting on top of him kissing him came back and he blocked it out of his mind. He even remembered how she smelled, like exotic fruits and her…he wanted to take a bite out of her. He cleared his head once more and thought about Janae and what she had to do, which was college. He made the right decision. She’s a kid, she needs to live, he thought to himself. Then, he answered his sister.
“Joss, I really don’t want to get into this with you. Of course I have feelings for Doodles…she’s family,” he convincingly stated as Josslyn slowly crossed her arms and looked at him. He’s lying, she thought.
“No, I mean, you really, really have feelings for her. I can’t blame you, I mean she’s not a cute kid anymore…she’s gorgeous and spunky and sweet. I can’t believe this. You’re falling for her,” Josslyn said.
“Stop talking what you don’t know. If I did have feelings for her like that, which I don’t, it wouldn’t matter because Cameron would make sure that I sucked all of my food through a straw for the remainder of my days. She’s too young for me and she’s at school, about to embark on the best time of her life. I want her to have that experience because it’s something that you can’t ever get back. Besides, she’s a good girl. Totally out of my league and off limits. Completely off limits,” Taylor said truly believing that.
Josslyn rolled her eyes to the ceiling and sighed. He really thought Janae was too good for him…interesting. This was not the cocky little brother that she knew…this was insecurity….something she had never seen in Taylor.
“You make her sound like she’s a nun or she’s betrothed or something like that. Yeah, she’s younger than you, and she is too good for you, but when has anything stopped you from going after what you want? Janae is exactly what a guy like you needs because she definitely seems to have thrown your ass off kilter. I dig that you want her to have fun and live her life and that’s very noble of you and it’s the right thing to do. But, let me let you in on something. Denying your feelings and hiding them does not help them go away. Most of the time, it makes it worse and one day it’s all going to come to a head. So take my advice and admit it to yourself that you have feelings for the girl so we all can go on with our lives…because you’re scaring people and your sour ass attitude is pissing me off.”
Taylor grinned at Josslyn. “Why, thank you Obi “no” Kenobi for that fascinating little spiel, but my feelings for Janae are the same as they always have been, so you can stop minding my business and worry about running this company. Don’t you have work to do, because I have work to do,” he said dismissing his sister.
Josslyn stood and smiled. “You are so avoiding how you really feel, but it’s cool. Stains always come out in the wash”.
“You can step now wannabe Jedi Master,” Taylor said as Josslyn walked to his door.
“You’re going to thank me later for that little piece of advice…maybe not now, but later. Don’t forget…,” Josslyn began but Taylor interrupted her.
“Reddington meeting at 3pm. Don’t worry. I’m on it,” Taylor said as she walked out sticking her tongue at him.
“Nosy ass,” he mumbled as his sister left his office. He didn’t really know what the hell was going on with his feelings for Janae, but he did listen to some of what his sister said. When she returned from school, maybe she would still feel the same way and maybe he would see where those feelings would lead them.
Maybe when she got back….
Maybe…just maybe.