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Not Without A Fight

Chapter 1

I can’t believe what I just heard.  It can’t be true.  He said that he loved Natalie.  The words that he couldn’t say to me he said them to Natalie.  I can’t believe this.  I have to talk to John now!

If steam could come out of my ears it would now.  I stand in his office listening to him trying to explain that Natalie misunderstood what he said.  How could she misunderstand him saying that he loves her?  Is the girl delusional?  I don’t think so.  She didn’t just pull those words out of the air.

“The words that you couldn’t say to me, the woman you’re supposed to be with, you said them to Natalie.  Where do you think that leaves me John?”

“I don’t know but this sounds like an inquisition to me.”

If I could do it without getting arrested I would slap him in the mouth.  I would take my shoe and beat his head to a pulp.  He wants to get an attitude with me.  I don’t think so.

“I came to end this John.  I don’t want to be in a relationship with you anymore.”

“I don’t want this to end, Evangeline.”

“Well sometimes we can’t get what we want John. It’s over.  Goodbye ”

I leave his office before I burst out in tears.  I go to the park and sit for a while and then I go home.

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Weeks later I find myself tied to a pole and a fire blazing at my feet.  John rushes in and rescues Natalie and then after she is safe, he unties me.  Well I guess that says everything.

I’m in the hospital room coughing my lungs out from all the smoke lodged in them and what does John do?  Interrogates me about the Killing Club Killer.  No how are you?  No I’m sorry this happened to you.  No, I love you.  No nothing.  

“I can’t tell you John anymore than what I’ve already said.  He had on a mask. I couldn’t see his face and I didn’t recognize his voice.  Well the killer got you finally to make your choice between Natalie and me, John.  You chose her and now I know that’s whom you wanted all along.  I don’t have anything else to say.  I don’t know anymore.”

Well it turns out I did know some more and under hypnosis I gave them a clue as to where to find Natalie.  As usual John just had to be the one to rescue her.  I was too through.

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Natalie’s back at the office and I walk in just as John kisses her. I approach and leave with Natalie a package for Police Commissioner Buchanan and then I exit through one of the side doors.  John runs after me with some flimsy excuse that he needs to talk to me. I want to tell him to ‘shove it’ but I simply say that he doesn’t have to worry about me ever again.  I walk off with my head held high and returned to my office.

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Not Without A Fight

Chapter 2

Two weeks later I’m at my doctor’s office for a follow up exam to make certain that I’m all right after the kidnapping and fire ordeal.  I go through the usual urine and blood samples and such and sit in the exam room waiting for the doctor to enter and give me the once over.  Dr. Stevenson enters and sits in the chair at the table and rattles off some numbers like my blood pressure and white blood counts and lung capacity improvement and then she says something that stops me short.

“Your blood looked a little off so I ran another test and it came back positive.  You’re pregnant.  I would need to do an ultrasound to determine just how far along you are.  Do you want to do that now?

I just sat there looking at her as if she had two heads, four eyes, and a pinwheel on top of both heads.  I didn’t hear her correctly I just know it.”

“I’m sorry Dr. Stevenson but there must be some mistake.  I can’t be pregnant.  I haven’t had sex in months.  Maybe the test is wrong.”

“Evangeline I also thought that it was mistaken but I ran it again and there is no mistake.  You are pregnant.  Let me set up the ultrasound so that we can see how far along you are. After that we can talk, all right?”

“Yes, let’s do that Doctor.”

Dr. Stevenson’s technician sets up the ultrasound and Dr. Stevenson moves the wand over my belly and takes measurements and pictures and then tells me that I am 11 - 12 weeks pregnant.

“But doctor I haven’t had any symptoms, I haven’t had any nausea, my period isn’t always regular so I didn’t pay much attention when it was spotty the last two months and I attributed that to the kidnapping ordeal.  You’re saying that I’ve been pregnant since June.  How can that be?  I don’t understand.  My boyfriend and I broke up in June and I haven’t been with anyone else.”

And then it hit me.  The day before I broke up with John we made love.  I didn’t think about that since the next day we broke up and I didn’t want to have anything to do with him after that.  Then the kidnapping and now he’s with Natalie.

“Evangeline it is not uncommon for a woman not to exhibit any signs of pregnancy in the first month or two of pregnancy.  The trauma that your body endured because of the kidnapping may have masked some of the pregnancy symptoms.  You are pregnant now so let us deal with that fact.  You have options regarding this pregnancy.  You may want to think about those options before you decide on anything else.”

“Dr. Stevenson I only have one option and that is to have this child.  The father and I may not be together but this is my child and I will not do anything to him or her as if to convenience myself.  This child did not ask to come into this world and I will not punish them for my shortsightedness on choosing a partner.”

“That’s good to hear Evangeline.  I will work with you so that you have no problems with this pregnancy. You’re fortunate that you’ve not experienced the morning sickness that women usually get during the early part of their pregnancy.  Let’s keep it that way.  Do you have any questions for me.”

“I will ask that you keep this confidential.  I chose to come to this office because I feel confident that my friends and family will not have contact with anyone here.  May I rely on you that this will remain between us?  If at possible can you keep my file secure also?  I have many high profile cases and I would rather keep my private business private.”

“Don’t worry Evangeline I will make certain that we secure your file and no one will learn from us of your pregnancy.  Anything else?

“No, Doctor, I think that is all that I need to say.  I will see you next month.  Goodbye.”

I make it home and go to my bedroom, undress, take a long hot shower and dress in something comfortable and then sit on my sofa in my living room and start to make of list of things that I need to do before I start showing.  I will not run. I will not hide.  I have done nothing wrong.  This baby and I will be fine.

-Keep this information away from John.

-Have John sign a waiver of parental rights without him knowing that’s what he’s signing.

-Start wearing my clothes a little looser so that my belly won’t show so soon.

-Get all of my pending cases through court as soon as I can and not have anything undone when the baby is due.

-Find a judge who will sign the parental rights waiver without looking too closely at it.  I don’t want to get disbarred for pulling a fast one on anyone.

-Have Attorney Caroline Harper handle the parental waiver matter in family court and that way my name won’t be associated with it as the attorney of record.  She can explain it away as the expectant mother and the father are no longer together and the mother wants to get on with her life and the expectant father does not want to be involved with the mother at all.  Caroline will do it for me.  We help each other all of the time.

-Get the parental right waiver done as soon as possible and filed and then I can tell my family when I start showing.  With John out of the picture it will be easier for me to sell the idea of me raising this child alone.

I could not have planned it any better but here I am in John’s office returning a file to him and having him to sign ‘a form’ that I returned the file and two of his officers are in his office at that same time.  He’s so busy listening to what they are saying to him that he pays little attention to what I’m doing.  I told him that the form is a ‘waiver of parental rights’ and he says, “A waiver of my rights, it’s not like it’s my child Evangeline”.  I could not have asked for anything better.  Without any coaxing he said the exact words that I needed him to say and I have witnesses.  I play it off as if it is a joke and ask the two officers to sign the form as witnesses.  They all sign without first reading the form.  I smile and leave the office as soon as I can.  

I make it back to the office and give the waiver to Caroline along with my statement as the expectant mother and she rushes over to family court and puts the forms before the family court judge.  The judge is so swamped with papers to sign that she simply asks what it is and Caroline states that it is a waiver of parental rights and the judge asks if both parties are in agreement and Caroline presents the signed forms, duly witnessed, and the judge signs off on them and Caroline rushes to get them filed.  After the clerk stamps the paperwork and the order is filed Caroline returns to the office and makes a copy of the court order and hands to me the original.  I hug Caroline and thank her for doing this for me.  She said that she knew that I would do the same for her so she had no problem helping me with this matter.  Caroline only knew a little bit of what I went through with John and suffice it to say that she does not think very highly of him.

Now with the parental rights waiver filed I breathe a sigh of relief.  I don’t have to worry about John interfering with my child and me.  He might say that he didn’t know that he signed over his parental rights but I also had an audio copy of my conversation where he clearly said, ‘signing over my rights’ and ‘not my child’.

I haven’t started showing yet and for that I am thankful.  I have another doctor’s appointment in a week and by then I will be 16 weeks pregnant.  I won’t go home to see my family until I start showing and hopefully I can hold off until November. 

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Not Without A Fight

Chapter 3

Like this is all I don’t need.  I find out that John knew that the John Doe in prison was really Christian Vega.  I went to the prison to confirm it with Christian and then I stormed into John’s apartment and blasted him about it.  He told me that it had nothing to do with me and it was Christian’s choice.  What a fool I have been.  But after all of that righteous indignation I don’t expose John to Natalie for his lies.  She needs to find out on her own. 

I do go home for Thanksgiving and I am showing.  My mother wants to strangle me but she restrains herself.  She asks me if the baby is John’s and I tell her that the child’s father has waived his parental rights so in essence the baby is just mine.  I enjoy my holiday with my family and they accept that I will raise this child alone but they assure me that they will assist me however I want them to.  I thank them for that.

I remember so well the day before I went home for Thanksgiving break and John saw me in the courthouse.  By then I had stopped trying to hide my pregnancy.  John saw me and stopped in his tracks. He came up to me and asked if the baby was his.  I told him that the identity of the father of my child is none of his business.  I did tell him that the father has waived his parental rights so really the child doesn’t have a father.  But I will be both father and mother to my child.  I turned and walked away from him and didn’t give him a chance to respond. I made certain that I didn’t see him after that.  I stopped picking up files at the police station and instead sent my receptionist and if he was the arresting officer on a case I had my assistant to pass the case on to someone else.  I didn’t need the money that desperately to have to put up with dealing with him.

It’s now December and I am going into my sixth month.  The doctor tells me that the baby and I are progressing well.  I am thankful for that.  After not revealing John Doe’s true identity I felt bad about leaving Christian in that dangerous situation so I did work on his case and won his release. The prison riot also helped in that and the signed confession by Carlo Hesser went a long way in convincing the judge to release Christian.  With that done I can now enjoy my holiday.  I decide to stay home for Christmas, just my baby and me.  I don’t want any visitors.

So I’m sitting in my living room listening to Christmas music when I hear a knock at the door.

“Who is it?”

“It’s John Evangeline.  May I come in?”

“No John. Go home.”

“Please Evangeline I just want to talk with you for a minute.”

I open the door and stand there in the doorway.

“You have a minute John.  The clock is ticking.”

“You aren’t going to invite me in?”

“You have thirty seconds John.”

“I’m sorry Evangeline.”

“Time’s up John.  Goodbye.  Now I would suggest that you leave otherwise I will have to resort to a restraining order.  I don’t have anything to say to you.  I don’t want to see you.  And the gall of you coming here now that Natalie has kicked your butt to the curb and think that you can weasel yourself back into my life. You have some nerve. Goodbye John and don’t bother me again or I will see you in court.”

I close the door, lock it and return to my music.  He did not return and I was very thankful that he did not.

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I don’t know how to reach Evangeline.  Every time that I try to talk to her she cuts me off or avoids me.  I haven’t seen her at the police station in months.  Her receptionist picks up the police reports for her and she hasn’t worked on any cases where I am the arresting officer.  Why won’t she talk to me?  I know that we’re not together anymore but can’t we at least be friends? I miss her.  Natalie doesn’t want anything to do with me because I didn’t tell her about Christian.  He asked me not to so why couldn’t she understand that?  What difference does it make?  I really don’t want Natalie anyway.  If Evangeline will take me back I will be happy. Natalie doesn’t make me happy. I was stupid to think that she would anyway.  Natalie and I came together because of a lie.  She thought that her husband was dead and I didn’t correct her in that assumption.  Now both of us are miserable.  She belongs with Christian and I belong with Evangeline and now both of us are alone.

Evangeline is pregnant and she says that I am not the father but she’s several months pregnant.  We were together several months ago and I didn’t know that she was involved with anyone else after we broke up.  I wish that her baby were mine and then she and I will have a connection forever. Wait, wait a minute. Evangeline wouldn’t get involved with someone so soon after our breakup would she?  Maybe she did.  She and I started our relationship shortly after her breakup with RJ Gannon. But why did she get pregnant from this guy?  We always took precautions when we were together so how could she get pregnant with someone so quickly.  Well as she said it is none of my business so I will leave it alone.

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Working on Todd’s murder case has not helped my situation. I am tired and stressed but I can’t leave Todd to fight this charge alone.  I do everything that I can to help him but I still lose the case and Todd is found guilty and is sentenced to death.  I must stay calm and remember that my stress impacts my baby. The doctor’s not concerned but she warns that the stress can elevate my blood pressure and that may put the baby in danger.  

Todd gives up hope and I continue to try to convince him to appeal the verdict but he wants to just give up.  But fortune intervenes and he escapes custody and I hide him but I am arrested for aiding a fugitive.  By that time John now realizes that Todd might be innocent. But I am now nine months pregnant and anything that I can do for Todd has to wait.  My baby comes first.

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Not Without A Fight

Chapter 4

I decide to work until I go into labor so here I am in my office trying to file an appeal for Todd.  He is back in prison awaiting execution.  I’ve had backaches for a few days now and can’t seem to get any relief.  I go to the bathroom to relieve myself and something doesn’t feel right.  I return to my office and decide to call my doctor.  I explain my symptoms and she advices me to go to the hospital and she will meet me there.  I notify my receptionist and I leave for the hospital.

Upon my arrival at the hospital they steer me to the labor triage room and the doctor comes in to examine me.  I recline on the bed and put my legs in the stirrups and she examines me and tells me that I am 5 centimeters dilated.  She informs me that I will be admitted to the hospital so they put in an IV line and attach a fetal monitor.  They move me to a labor and delivery room.  I am excited that my baby will soon arrive but I’m a little sad that I am here alone.  I didn’t have time to call Nora but maybe I can call her once I’m settled in the labor and delivery room.  

The contractions begin to get stronger and the labor progresses well.  The doctor tells me that I have at least another hour or two before I’m fully dilated.  I take that time to call Nora.  Of course she fusses at me but tells me that she’s on her way.  She arrives with thirty minutes and I am so glad to see her.  She coaches me through the labor and soon I’m fully dilated and ready to deliver my baby.

I have a gorgeous baby boy who has a head full of black wavy hair and crystal blue eyes.  Oh how I had hoped that my baby would have brown eyes like mine or any color other than blue.  Nora looked at the baby and then looked at me and said,

“John is the father isn’t he Evangeline?”

“The father has waived his parental rights.  That’s all that I have to say on the matter.  Nora please don’t ask me again.”

Nora shook her head and sighed but she didn’t ask me again. I was relieved and happy that my baby is now here.  We have a wonderful life ahead of us.

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Michael McBain is on the labor and delivery room following up on a patient.  He sees the board and notices a patient named E. Williamson.  He knew that Evangeline was pregnant so he stopped by the nursery to see the baby.  He knew that Evangeline would not want to see him but he didn’t see any harm in him stopping by to see her baby.  He knew the nurse in the nursery and asked if she would bring the Williamson baby to the front window.  The nurse picked up the baby and brought him to the window.  Michael smiled at the baby who had his eyes closed and just as Michael began to thank the nurse for bringing the baby to the window the baby opens his eyes and Michael looks into eyes just like his brother, crystal blue and piercing eyes.  Michael gasped.  This is John’s baby.  How can Evangeline keep John from his baby?  She wouldn’t be that cruel.  Should I talk to her before I talk to John? What should I do?  Just as Michael was debating what to do Nora walked up to the nursery room.  Michael knew then that Nora was there with Evangeline.  

“Hello Nora are you here to see John’s baby?”

“What do you mean Michael?  I’m here to see Evangeline’s baby.  Why would you say that the baby is John’s?”

“Did you see the baby’s eyes Nora?  They are blue just like John’s so you can’t convince me that the baby is not John’s baby.”

“Michael I am sure that John is not the only man with blue eyes.”

“But he is the only man with blue eyes with whom Evangeline has been involved.”

“Michael don’t go making trouble.  Let these two work this out for themselves.”

“But Nora she told John that the baby wasn’t his.  Why would she do that if the baby were his?  That is just cruel!”

“Michael you don’t know the whole story.  Just leave it alone.”

“I can’t Nora. John needs to know.  It’s only fair to him and to the baby.”

“Will you talk with Evangeline first and at least let her know that you plan to talk with John so that she’s not blindsided when John shows up?”

“Yes I will talk with her.  I will go now and talk with her before they take the baby to her room.”

“If I can’t convince you otherwise then I appreciate that you warn her.”

“All right Nora I will see you later.”

“Goodbye Michael.”

Michael walks to Evangeline’s room and knocks on the door.

“Come in.”

“Hello Evangeline.  Congratulations on your baby.”

“Hi Michael, what are you doing here?”

“I just stopped by the nursery to see your baby and imagine my surprise when I looked into the eyes of my nephew.”

“Michael what are you talking about your nephew?  My baby is not your nephew.”

“Evangeline the baby has blue eyes but not just blue eyes but eyes just like my brother’s. Do you deny that the baby is John’s?”

“Michael the baby’s father waived his parental rights so my baby is my baby and no one else’s. If you don’t mind I am tired. I just delivered a baby and am waiting for them to bring my baby to me so if you will leave now I would appreciate it.”

“Evangeline I will tell John that I believe that the baby is his.  You can expect him to fight for his child.’

“Michael you do what the you think you have to do.  I don’t have anything else to say.  Goodbye.”

“Goodbye Evangeline.”

I sit up in the bed and sigh.  I knew that this would happen.  I knew that if the baby had blue eyes that everyone would assume that John is the father.  I don’t care what anyone thinks.  This is my son and my son alone.  Finally my baby is with me.  I hold him to me and nurse him.  He latches on without any difficulty.  He smells so good and feels so good to me.  I just want to get him home and have him all to myself.

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Not Without A Fight

Chapter 5     Michael delivers the news

Michael still has several hours left before he finishes work so he can’t meet with his brother until then and he didn’t want to have the conversation over the phone.  Michael makes it to the end of his shift and hurries to meet with his brother.  He calls Marcie on the way to let her know that he has a stop to make before he makes it home.

Michael meets John in his apartment.  He’s glad that John isn’t at work because he did not want any distractions while having this conversation with his brother.  He knocks on the door and John invites him in.

“Hi Michael, what brings you this way?”

“John I need for you to sit down and listen to what I have to say.”

“Michael what are you talking about, is something wrong with Marcie?”

“No Marcie is fine.  John I found out something today that I think you should know.”

“Okay Michael what is it?  Just tell me what you have to say.”

“John you know that Evangeline is pregnant and she had her baby today. I stopped by the nursery to see her baby and the little boy has blue eyes just like you.”

Michael watches his brother as John processes what he just heard. 

“Michael I don’t know what you expect me to say.  I’m not the only man in the world with blue eyes.  Evangeline said that the father of the child waived his rights.  Now if this were my child you know that I would never waive my parental rights.  Evangeline has never lied to me before so if she says that the father waived his rights then the child can’t be mine.  She wouldn’t be that cruel.”

“John I know what I saw.  I don’t know about the parental rights waiver but all that I am saying is that you might want to request a blood test to be sure that the child is not yours.”

“Michael, Evangeline and I aren’t together any more and she doesn’t want anything to do with me.  I would love for the child to be mine I really would but I don’t want to do anything to upset her now.  She’s moved on with her life and I don’t want to interfere with that.

“All right John if that’s what you want to do.  I’ll let you handle it.”

“Thanks Michael.  I appreciate you looking out for me but just leave it alone.”

“I need to leave now and make it home John.  I’ll talk with you later.”

Michael left John’s apartment and headed home but he would not let it alone.  If his brother will not pursue this then he will.

The next day at work Michael goes to the nursery and once again sees the nurse from yesterday.  He notices the nurse take a blood specimen from the baby to send to the lab.  The nurse stops to call the lab for someone to retrieve the specimen.  Michael volunteers to take the specimen to the lab for her. When Michael arrives at the lab he once again finds someone that he knows at the lab.  He asks the lab to conduct an extra test on the blood specimen.  Michael has obtained a blood sample from John some time ago so he uses that sample to have the lab technician to run a paternity test on the blood specimen from Evangeline’s son. Michael knows that the child might truthfully be someone else’s but he wants to make certain for his brother’s sake.  The lab tech tells Michael that he will notify him as soon as he has the results.  Michael leaves and goes on his rounds.

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Evangeline enjoys her time with her son and gets to change his diaper and dress him.  She names him Peter Williamson.  Nora comes to visit and talks with Evangeline about her encounter with Michael McBain.

“Nora I appreciate your concern but I don’t have time to worry about Michael or his brother. My son is the only person on my mind at this moment.  Nora, will you agree to be my son’s godmother?”

“Evangeline I will be honored to be Peter’s godmother.”

“Good. Now tomorrow Peter and I go home. My mother comes in tonight so I won’t need you to take me home tomorrow. Layla picked up my car from the hospital and took it back to my apartment building so my mother will use my car to pick us up.  I am so happy right now.  I love my son to pieces.  Isn’t he just the cutest baby that you have ever seen?  Oh I know you will say that your children are the cutest babies you have ever seen but my son is cute too, isn’t he?”

“Yes he is my friend, yes he is.”

“Good now that we have settled that cutest survey.  Nora I want you to do something for me.  If you don’t feel comfortable doing it just tell me and I will get someone else to handle this matter.”

“What do you want me to do Evangeline?  You know that I will do it if I can.”

“I want a restraining order against John and Michael McBain.  I know that Michael has told John about his theory that Peter is John’s child and if I know Michael the way that I do even if John doesn’t pursue it then Michael will.  I don’t want either of them anywhere near my son or me.  Can you do that for me Nora?”

“As much as I don’t want to do this I will Evangeline.  I think that you are right about Michael because yesterday he was very adamant that John should know that the baby is John’s.  I will go now to the court and file the orders.”

“Thank you Nora.  I knew that I could depend on you.  Now get back to work and I will talk with you later.”

“As you command my liege.”

As soon as Nora leaves I hug Peter and whisper a prayer that I can weather this storm that is beginning to brew.  Michael will not let this rest until he proves that John is or is not the father of Peter.  But what Michael doesn’t realize is that John waived his parental rights. Nobody forced him to do that. He did it of his own free will. Sure he may not have realized that the papers that he signed were a waiver of parental rights but it was his fault that he didn’t read the forms.  I even told him that they were a waiver of parental rights and he signed them anyway.  The court order is legal and he will need to go to court to overturn it and even if he has blood tests to prove that he is the father that does not negate the ‘fact’ that he waived his rights. I put Peter down so that he can sleep and I take a nap before dinner.

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Not Without A Fight

Chapter 6 The Results Are In    

The lab technician calls Michael before he leaves for the day and gives him the results of the paternity test.  There is a 99.9% that the adult is the father of the child. Michael cannot believe what he is hearing.  Why would Evangeline lie to John that he is not the father of her child?  I have to tell John right now.  I will call him.

“John I need for you to come to the hospital now I have something to show to you.”

“Michael I am busy right now can it wait?”

“No John it can’t wait.  I think that it would be to your advantage to come now.”

“All right Michael I’m on my way.  Where do you want me to meet you?”

“In the waiting area on the maternity ward.”

“Michael if this is about Evangeline I told you that I don’t want you to bother her.”

“John just meet me in the waiting area. I will explain everything to you then.”

“All right Michael I will see you in a few minutes.”

John rushes to the hospital to meet with his brother.  Nora was just leaving after visiting again with Evangeline.  Nora has applied for and has received the restraining orders that Evangeline requested and she delivered copies to Evangeline.  She sees John in the waiting room.  She nervously asks,

“John, hello. Why are you here? You’re not here to visit Evangeline are you?”

“No Nora don’t worry I’m not here to bother Evangeline.  She’s made it very clear to me that she wants nothing to do with me so I am abiding by her wishes.  I’m waiting for my brother Michael.  He called me and asked me to meet him here.”

Just as John finishes talking Michael walks into the waiting area.  He looks at John and then at Nora.  He then asks Nora,

“Did you know all along that John is the father of Evangeline’s baby Nora?”

“Michael what are you talking about?  I told you not to bother Evangeline.  What have you done?”

“I protected your interests John.  I had a paternity test done and you are the father of Evangeline’s child. I have the results here. That is why I called you.”

Michael gives the test results to John and John reads them. He sees the 99.9% and sits down in the chair behind him.  Michael sits next to him and pats him on the shoulder.

“You are the father John.  You have rights to your child.”

Nora stands there and watches the two brothers come to grips with the magnitude of the test results and she knows what she has to do. She pulls the restraining orders from her briefcase and says to both John and Michael,

“These are restraining orders.  Neither of you are to be within 50 feet of Evangeline or her son nor are you to have any contact with Evangeline or her son.  Michael if you used blood from Evangeline’s son to have that paternity test done without her expressed permission then those results are inadmissible in court.  John you signed a waiver of parental rights months ago and it is recorded in the court.  I would advise that you to do nothing to violate the restraining orders or you will find yourselves in a jail cell.  I am sorry that this has happened but it is the law.”

Both brothers sit there stunned.  They can’t contact or be around Evangeline or her son.  What will they do?

“John I think that you need to retain an attorney.  This isn’t right.  That is your son you have a right to know your son.”

“Michael please stop talking I can’t think.  I need to think.  Nora I ‘m sorry that you are caught in the middle of all of this.  I don’t know anything about signing over my parental rights but I will abide by the restraining order.  Michael is right in that I need to retain an attorney.  Nora do you know any good lawyers?  No Nora I‘m only kidding.  I wouldn’t ask you to get any more involved than you already have.  Right now I have to laugh to keep from crying.”

Nora turns and walks out of the waiting area.  She felt bad about the restraining orders but she promised Evangeline that she would handle that for her and she did.  Nora thinks, ‘Oh Evangeline what will you do now?’  Nora calls Evangeline and told her of her encounter with John and Michael.

“Nora I am not surprised about any of this but I will handle it.  I don’t want to involve you any more than I already have so I will handle things from this point on.  Thank you for everything.  It will work out for the best.”

I end my call with Nora and then I contact my doctor who is still in the hospital concluding her rounds.

“Dr. Stevenson please ask the head nurse for the nursery to come and meet with us. The child’s father has made gestures towards the child and I do not want him anywhere near my son.  He has been served with a restraining order but I don’t think that it will deter him.  Also I have received information that a doctor in this hospital without my permission used my son’s blood to have a paternity test performed.  I will handle the legal issues involved but I ask for your assistance in assuring the safety of my son.”

“Ms. Williamson I will help you however I can. I will notify the hospital administration of the breach of protocol by the doctor who performed the illegal paternity test. Ah here is the head nurse. I will speak with her and have the baby moved to your room and if you will give me the names of those persons not allowed contact with you then I will alert staff.”

“Thank you Dr. Stevenson.  The doctor’s name is Michael McBain and the child’s father’s name is John McBain of the Llanview Police Department.”

“I will handle it Ms. Williamson.  You will discharge on tomorrow so you only have to endure us for another day.”

“It hasn’t been that bad and anyway I leave here with the best thing in my life, my son.”

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Not Without A Fight

Chapter 7                        A Little help from Mom

Dr. Stevenson leaves and I call my mother and ask her to come to the hospital.  Even though I have taken a hard line with John and Michael I really don’t want to fight with them. I just want some peace.  

“Mom thanks for coming.  I need to talk with you about something and I need your honest opinion on what I have done.”

“I will listen Evangeline and will give you my opinion on what you have done.”

I tell her everything I have done since I found out that I was pregnant.  I tell her that I knew all along that John is the father and that I obtained the waiver of parental rights when John wasn’t paying attention to what he was doing.  I tell her that now I think that what I did is wrong.  

“Now that Peter is here I think that John should have a relationship with his son even if he doesn’t love his son’s mother.  I knew that Michael would press the issue even if John didn’t.  Mom I’m just tired and I don’t want this ill feeling that I have to impact Peter but there’s no way that it won’t if this ends up in court.  Now that John knows that Peter is his he will fight for him I know that. In a way it is kind of nice that he will fight for his son.  Mom I know that John is not one of your favorite persons but I would never have been with him if he was as much an ogre as you paint him.  How do I fix this Mom?”

“Evangeline I am surprised that you would do something as underhanded as this but I do understand your reasoning.  I don’t agree with your actions but what’s done is done and now we need to make the best of a bad situation.  Just use this night to get some rest and I will come in the morning to collect Peter and you.  I will leave now and will see you in the morning.”

“Thank you Mom I will try to get some rest.  See you in the morning.”

Lisa Williamson leaves the hospital and heads to John McBain’s apartment.  She knocks on the door and waits for him to answer.

“Mrs. Williamson is something wrong with Evangeline or the baby?”

“No John they are fine.  May I come in?”

“Yes come in but I am surprised to see you if nothing is wrong with Evangeline or the baby.”

“John I need to say something to you and I need for you to listen carefully and think long and hard before you answer.”

She tells him everything that Evangeline told her.  She explains that her daughter had no malice aforethought in her actions and was simply trying to protect herself. She tells John that Evangeline wants her son to have a relationship with John even if she doesn’t have one. Then she asks John a question,

“John I know about your issues regarding the deaths of your fiancé and father.  I know that you never told Evangeline that you love her.  In your current mental condition what do you have to offer your son?  I know that you are under mandated therapy in order to keep your job but don’t you want to be healed?  Don’t you want to come to your son whole and not fractured.”

John sits and thinks about all that Mrs. Williamson has said. He is still a bit miffed about the waiver but he understands Evangeline’s motive.  If anyone were as messed up in the head as I am would I want them around my child?  John finally finds the words and says,

“Mrs. Williamson I will try to look at this matter from Evangeline’s perspective but I still can’t say that I would have done the same things that she has done.  But you are correct when you say that I should want to be whole for my son.  I should want to be whole for me too.  I care for Evangeline, I always have and I had hoped that with time I would come to love her but we weren’t given that time.  My feelings right now are all over the place.  I know that I love my son and I haven’t even met him.  I will do what I need to do to be a good father to him.  I wish that you would say that to Evangeline but I am not to have any contact with her according to the restraining order.  I tell you what I will do.  I will continue my therapy and if Evangeline will allow it I would like to have some time with my son but first I would like to be legally his father.  I will consult an attorney on that matter but I don’t want a contentious court case.  If Evangeline and I can come to a reasonable compromise I will abide by it.”

“John thank you for thinking about this.  Your request sounds reasonable and I will present it to Evangeline. Don’t give up on her John. Her actions may not reflect it but Evangeline would not have done all of this if she didn’t still have feelings for you. When we Williamson women love, we love hard.  It’s unfortunate that you didn’t return her love but if you don’t feel it you don’t feel it.  You two have to think about your son now.  What is best for him?  He doesn’t need parents who are at odds with each other.  He needs two parents who love him more than they dislike each other.  I’m not saying that you dislike Evangeline but you painted her into a corner when you didn’t return her love and she found herself pregnant with your child.  She didn’t want you anywhere near her so she did what she thought she had to do to accomplish that.”

“I understand that now Mrs. Williamson.  Thank you for stopping by.”

“Thank you for listening John.  I will go now. I need to make it back to Evangeline’s apartment and get things ready for her to come home with the baby tomorrow.”

“Oh they come home tomorrow.  Good.  Well I hope to see you again soon Mrs. Williamson if things work out as I hope.”

“Goodbye John.”

I stood at the door after Mrs. Williamson left and thought again about all she said.  I don’t want to fight with Evangeline.  It’s not that I don’t love her it’s just that I am so confused. Mrs. Williamson is right I need to get myself together.  I will go and see Dr. Crosby tomorrow and tell him everything and ask his opinion on what I should do.

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Not Without A Fight

Chapter 8              Therapy

I sit and tell Dr. Crosby everything that has happened between Evangeline and me.  By the end of my ‘spilling my guts’ I asked Dr. Crosby what should I do. He says that he’s impressed with my divulging all of that to him.  He advised intense therapy as soon as possible and suggested a center nearby where I can receive 24-hour care.  He says that this piece meal therapy that I now have would take mat a year for them to make any headway and that will be a year lost with his son. I agree with his assessment and ask that he handle the paperwork for my job.  He readily agreed and I am to leave tomorrow.  This works out well. It will give me time to heal and will give Evangeline some breathing room from me threatening legal action in order to gain shared custody of our son.  Dr. Crosby is the one who pointed out to me that Evangeline can present a valid case that I am not currently fit to be around a child. I had not considered that but now that I have agreed to the intensive therapy that will be a moot point. 

Mrs. Williamson gave me her number before she left last night and so I call her.  She’s in Evangeline’s apartment helping with the baby.  I ask if she can go to a room where she can talk privately and she does.  I tell her about my going away for the therapy and that it will last for 3 months.  I ask her that in that time if she can some way get Evangeline to consider allowing me to visit with my son once I return.  She said that she would.  I feel better about things now.  I leave Dr. Crosby’s office after he has signed off on the paperwork for my leave from work for the therapy.  I go home to pack for my trip to the center.

Morning comes and I take a taxi to the treatment center.  I check in and get settled in my room for the next three months.  I will do this for me and for my son and in a way for Evangeline too.  

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Mom tells me about her conversation with John.  I am surprised but pleased.  He’s finally going to be serious about therapy.  I don’t care if he’s doing it for Peter I’m just glad that he’s doing it.  Even though it surprised me that my mother went to talk with John I am glad that she did.  It has helped a great deal.  With him away for three months that gives me time to clean up this mess that I have made.  In a way I did all of this to punish John for not loving me but it didn’t solve anything.  I love my child and I can’t keep him from his father just because his father didn’t fall in love with me.  I know what I have to do and I will make this right.

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The three months pass quickly and I feel like I went through h*** during this therapy.  I realize that my childhood trauma of losing my dad and then the horror of losing Caitlin scarred me so deeply that it totally skewed my idea of what love is.  Love is not taking responsibility for someone because of something that you did to put him or her in a bad situation.  Love is not running to someone’s rescue because you feel responsible for him or her.  I realize that I am not in love with Natalie.  I feel responsible for Natalie because of the fiasco of the FBI sting. What surprised me the most to realize during the therapy was that I really did love Evangeline but it was so mired in all of the other junk in my psyche that I did not see it or recognize it for what it was.  How is that for irony?  After all of this time I had the love that I didn’t think that I would ever have again and I blew it.  I blew it totally.  Now Evangeline will never believe me if I tell her now that I loved her all along.  I wouldn’t believe myself if someone told me.

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Peter has grown so much in three months.  When I look at him I see his father.  That’s the hard part so see every day the image of the man to whom I gave my heart but it was returned to me shattered.  But you know what I am better for it.  I am stronger and I have learned to love myself again.  After breaking up with John I second-guessed myself because I couldn’t figure how I was so wrong about him.  But he is who he is and I am who I am and that’s all right.  We can be separate and still raise our son together.  We will co-parent.  I can do that.  What I can’t do is have Natalie Buchanan anywhere near my child. That I will not allow.  John will need to arrange to see and spend time with Peter but Natalie must not be present.  If he can’t abide by those rules then too bad.  I will not budge on that. 

My mother finally went home last week and I am back at work and Peter is in the daycare downstairs in the building.  This works well for me.  I can still work and take breaks and go downstairs and nurse Peter. He’s such a happy baby. Everybody in the daycare loves him.

In the three months that John has been in therapy I had the restraining orders cancelled and the parental rights waiver rescinded. I allowed the results from the ‘illegal’ paternity to be used as evidence that John is Peter’s father and John is now on record as his legal father.  I know that John comes home soon but I won’t contact him. If he’s serious about being a part of Peter’s life he will contact me.

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I can’t wait to get home.  I will see my son for the first time.  I haven’t spoken with Evangeline yet and I need to call here to arrange a time to meet.  By the time I arrive at my apartment Michael is there waiting for me. He tells me that the restraining orders were cancelled and that the paternity test results were used to have me declared the legal father of Evangeline’s son.  I ask Michael not to tell me the name of the baby. I remember that Mrs. Williamson made every effort not to tell me the baby’s name and I appreciate that now that I think about it.  I want Evangeline to tell me the name of our son.  Michael comes in to my apartment with me and sits for a while. I decide to call Evangeline. She says that she can meet me now if I’m available.  I tell her that I just made it home but that I will come over as soon as I can shower and change.  She agrees.

I am nervous standing at her door.  The hour has finally arrived and I will see my son.  I knock on the door and Evangeline opens it and invites me in.  I sit on the sofa and she asks how I am.

“I’m doing much better Evangeline.  The therapy helped me a great deal to uncover some things about myself that hindered me from being whole.  You know about my father and Caitlin but there were other things too. I’m glad to say that I have rid myself of all of that garbage that kept me shackled.  But that’s not why I’m here now.  I thank you for canceling the restraining orders and for having me legally declared of the father of our son.  There are some…”

“John before you continue let me do this first.  I know that you came here to see your son and I don’t want to delay that. I will go and get him.”

She goes to her bedroom and I go to her kitchen to wash my hands. By the time that I return to the living room Evangeline comes in with the baby in her arms.  She sits next to me and hands the baby to me.

“John say hello to your son Peter McBain”

I sit and look at my son for the first time and when she says that his name is Peter ‘McBain’ my heart leaps for joy.  I thought that she was going to say Williamson.  When she said his name his eyes opened and he looked straight at me.  I saw the most beautiful eyes, blue like mine.  I kissed him on his forehead and he cooed.  I was so overjoyed I didn’t know what to do.

“Thank you Evangeline.  He is perfect. I’m so sorry that I wasn’t there for you and Peter.”

“John let’s not talk about that right now.  Just sit and enjoy you son.  He will want to eat soon and since I’m still nursing him I will have to prepare a bottle of breast milk so that you can feed him. Hold him while I go the kitchen and get the bottle ready.”

Evangeline goes to the kitchen and I sit and hold Peter. I am totally mesmerized by this little boy.  My son, our son a product of our love.  Wow.  Evangeline returns with the bottle and I feed Peter.  This just feels so right to me.  Evangeline, Peter and I are a family.  That is what I want.  Why has it taken me so long to realize that?  I have been blind but now I see.  But if I tell Evangeline that now she will think that I only want to be with her because of Peter.  In a way I do but that is not the whole story.  But you know what I don’t have anything to lose so I will tell her anyway.

“Evangeline may I say something to you?”

“Sure John what do you want to say?”

“Before you came in with Peter I was telling you about my therapy.  Before you tell me that we can wait to talk about that just let me say this much.  During my therapy I realized something that I should have known long ago.”

“What is that John?”

“I love you Evangeline.  I didn’t realize it when we were together but I do now.  Months ago when I told you that what I felt for you was so real it was the truth.  Although I didn’t know at the time what that ‘real’ was I do now.  I’m not saying this because we have a child together.  I’m saying it because it true.”

“But John if we didn’t have Peter you would not say these things to me.”

“Evangeline I’ve always more than liked you and I didn’t want our relationship to end in the first place if you remember.  But that’s in the past and neither of us can change what happened in the past nor would I want to because we created Peter in the past and now we have him in our present and in our future.  That’s what I want with you Evangeline, a present and a future.  I know that I have a lot of ‘heavy lifting’ to do and I am ready for that.  Just take a chance on me Evangeline.  If I know that there’s a chance I will stick with you forever.”

I wonder if Evangeline remembers that she said that to me over a year ago.  

“John I do remember saying those exact words to you over a year ago.  Are you serious John?  It won’t be easy for you because I won’t just give my heart to you again.  You have to earn my love.  I won’t tell you how to earn it.  You have to figure that out for yourself.”

“Does that mean that you will give me another chance?”

“John I had already decided to work with you to parent Peter whether or not we had a relationship.  Since you want to talk about this I do have one condition and that condition is not negotiable. I don’t want Natalie Buchanan anywhere near our child.  If you remain in a relationship with Natalie you must make certain that when you have Peter that Natalie is nowhere around.  I don’t want her touching my child. I don’t even want her breathing on my child.  Do you understand?”

“I understand Evangeline.  I am no longer with Natalie.  That relationship was not healthy for me or for her.  I told her that my main focus now is my son, excuse me, our son.  I will do whatever I have to do to ensure his wellbeing.”

“It’s good to hear that Peter is now your main focus John.  I appreciate that.  With that in mind I believe that we can come to some type of accommodation as it relates to your time with Peter.  Since you are his father you should have regular scheduled time with him so that he can get to know you.  I have him in daycare at my job during my workday.  I know that you don’t have a daycare center at the police station but I can arrange for you to have permission to pick up Peter from daycare and take him home with you some evenings and then you can take him to daycare the following morning.”

“He’s a little to young to do all of that back and forth but I appreciate the offer. How about I pick him up on Saturdays and have him for the day and then bring him back home on Sunday. Perhaps the three of us can spend time together after church Sunday afternoon.  We won’t do this right away.  Peter has to get used to me so for now why don’t I stop by after work on a few evenings and sit with him and maybe bathe him and put him to bed and after we’ve done that for a few weeks then I can take him on a Saturday.”

“That sounds like a good plan John.  You’re really into this aren’t you?  That sounds better than what I thought of as a matter of fact. This is all new to me and I am slowly learning my way.  But it looks like we can make this work.  Now you know to burp him since he’s finished the bottle right?”

“Yes I do thank you Ms. Williamson.”

“Glad to be of assistance Mr. McBain.”

“By the way thank you for giving him my last name.  You surprised me when you said his name is Peter McBain.  Why did you do that when you didn’t have to? I could have been the legal father and he could still have the last name of Williamson.”

“It was only right John.  You are Peter’s father and he should have your last name.  That’s all there is to it.  It’s his bath time and bedtime.  Do you want to help me with him since you’re here?”

“I would love to help you get him ready for bed.  Thanks for the offer.  What do I do first?”

“Come on I will show you.”

And she does show me what to do and we work as a team to bathe him and then she allows me to read a story to him as he falls asleep.  I feel so blessed to have this time with my son and with Evangeline.  I don’t want to go too fast with her in trying to get back into her good graces. I have to take small steps. I ask her if I can bring dinner for her tomorrow night and spend time with her and Peter.  She says that she has plans for tomorrow and I am disappointed.  But she adds that I can bring dinner the day after tomorrow and on Saturday we can go to the park for a picnic.  It will do the baby good to have the fresh air after being cooped up inside all during the week. I am ecstatic and can barely contain my enthusiasm.

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Not Without A Fight

Chapter 9 Heavy Lifting  Part 1

I don’t care how much therapy John has received, I can’t let him back into my heart just now.  He might be Peter’s father but he is not my husband.  If he wants me he has to earn me.  I hope that he doesn’t have the wrong idea that because I have allowed him access to Peter that a relationship with me comes with that because it doesn’t.  He has lied to me and betrayed me too many times for me to simply ignore that and jump back into bed with him.  That is not happening and I will tell him that as soon as he returns with Peter.

The schedule has worked well with John picking up Peter on Friday night and keeping him until Sunday after church.  We usually have brunch and then spend a little time together the three of us. John and I usually talk about how Peter has grown and all the new things that he has done in the past week.  John should arrive soon with Peter.  Oh, there goes the doorbell.  They are here.  I rush to the door and open it and there John stands with Peter in his carrier.  He enters and places the carrier on the sofa and I hurriedly remove Peter and hug him tightly.  He’s six months old now and is much more aware of his surroundings.  He smiles when he sees me and my heart just melts when he does that.  I take him into the nursery to nurse him.  John waits in the living room for us to return.

Evangeline seems a little wary today I wonder what is on her mind.  This schedule with Peter has worked well the last three months but I have not made much progress with establishing a romantic relationship with Evangeline.  She keeps me at a distance.  I know that she does not trust me with her heart after all that I did to her but I have changed.  I will ask her what can I do for her to trust me again and for us to have a life together because that is what I want.  I want us to be a family, a real family.  Oh here she comes with Peter.  I will ask her before I leave.

“John I will put Peter down for his nap and then I would like to speak with you for a moment before you leave if you have time.”

“Sure Evangeline I have time.  I will wait for you to finish with Peter.  The little one looks sleepy anyway.”

“All right I will return in a few minutes.”

A few minutes later Evangeline returns and sits on the sofa next to me and says,

“John the past few months have been very nice with the two of us taking care of Peter.  I know that it is not the best of situations but we try to make it work.  We are not in a relationship even though we share a child and I need you to understand something before we make any changes as to Peter’s care.  John I know that the things that were done in the past cannot be undone but the after effects can still linger.  I think that you want our relationship to be more than it is but I don’t trust you John.  I can’t trust you with my heart.  You hurt me so badly and there is no way that I can simply ignore that and jump back into bed with you.  I must admit that I notice a change in you since you completed your therapy but it is not enough for me to let you back in my heart.  Even after saying all of that I will say that not all hope is lost.  People change I know that because I have changed.  I had you to sign the waiver of parental rights to protect my child and me from you and now I know that that was not the proper way to handle that and so I made the necessary adjustments to that matter. If you want me John, if you really want a lifetime relationship with me then you have to ‘earn’ me.  Earlier I said that you will need to figure out on your own how to earn me but I have changed my mind about that and I will tell you what I expect so we have no confusion about it:

-Talk with me and listen to me.  Minimize the interruptions when we talk, i.e. your cell phone.

-Show interest in the things that I do.  You know that I like ballet, arts and opera.  Suck it up and go to some of those events with me.

-Dinner and dancing.  I like to dance but you don’t.  Well maybe take some lessons and then take me dancing.  That shows me that you are willing to leave your comfort zone to spend time with me.  I learned about football to spend time with you so I expect the same effort from you.

-Make time for me.  I know that your job is important and so is mine so with that said if you make time for the important things in your life and not for me then that tells me that I am not important to you.

-If you are really serious about a relationship with me then our relationship must not suffer because of your relationship with another.  If you want a committed relationship with me then commit to me.  I am not looking for a date John.  I have a child now and dating or bed hopping is not an option.  I am looking for a mate.  Any serious relationship that I enter into now must lead to marriage.  I will not bring men in and out of my son’s life.  That will not happen.

So these are the things that you must do to earn my trust John.  To earn my love you first have to love yourself and then you can love me because you will know what love is.  I see that you have love in you John.  I see it when you are with Peter.  Work on expanding that love to include me.  You said some time ago that during your therapy you realized that you loved me before but didn’t recognize it as love.  Hold on to that feeling John and express it in doing the things that I listed.  Because when and if you do all of those things that I named with love you will know because they won’t feel like a chore for you.  You will do them because you love me and want me to be happy and content with you in my life.  Do you understand what I am saying John?”

“Evangeline thank you so much for giving me this opportunity.  I will not disappoint you I promise.”

“John don’t promise, just do.”

“I will just do it Evangeline, I will.  Okay let me go now so that I can start doing what I need to do to move this forward.  I will talk with you later.”

I get up to leave and Evangeline reminds me to take Peter’s carrier that belongs in my car.  She has her carrier in the hallway.  I grab it and leave to go to my apartment to start working on the list of things that I need to do to have Evangeline in my life.  I now have hope that I didn’t have before.

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Not Without A Fight

Chapter 10                        Heavy Lifting Part 2

Operation Win Evangeline is now in full swing.  I signed up for dance classes and find that I enjoy them. Wow look at all I have been missing!  It surprises me that I don’t have two left feet after all.

The Symphony Orchestra has started their season and so I checked with Evangeline for her schedule and purchased tickets for at least one of the performances.  I drove to Philadelphia one weekend that I had Peter and purchased tickets for the ballet and opera.  While there of course I had to take Peter to the ball field even though the team wasn’t in town that weekend.  Fortunately they had tours of the stadium on that particular day and I walked around it explaining everything to Peter.  Of course he didn’t understand but it was still fun to share that with my son.

For the past three months I have wined and dined Evangeline.  We have gone dancing and to ballet performances.  We continue to have brunch on most Sundays and I still stop by her apartment at least twice a week in the evenings to help bathe and put Peter to bed. He loves for you to read to him before bed and I find that I enjoy that so much too.

I moved into another apartment so that Peter will have his own room.  As it would happen it’s in the same building as Evangeline’s apartment so that I don’t have to travel far to visit my son.  It warms my heart that he recognizes me, and smiles and reaches for me.  It makes me feel so special.  I wish that I can have him with me all of the time.  I’m working on making that a reality.

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What is this with the three-month intervals?  It seems like every three months something major happens with John and me.  It’s been three months since John and I had the conversation about what he must do for us to have a committed relationship.  To my pleasant surprise he has really ‘stepped up to the plate’ on doing all of the things that I listed.  He has even gone above and beyond.  I can’t believe that he actually called my mother and talked with her about him and me and how he wants a life with me.  He talked with her about the conversation that she had with him right after I had the baby and he stressed that he wanted to keep the lines of communications open with her.  My mother told me later that she was very impressed with John’s sincerity.  Even with all of the progress I am still a bit hesitant but it has nothing to do with John, it has to do with me.  

If I allow John back in my life then that’s it for me.  John is it for me.  I can love him until I die.  I guess that I’m scared to love again.  Scared to get hurt again but if I don’t try I won’t get my happy life and I want that.  I want that for me and for Peter and for John.  I knew long ago that John was it for me so when it didn’t work out for us the first time I was shaken.  I told the truth when I said to him that if I knew that there was a chance for us that I would stick with him forever.  So why not go for it.  He’s doing what I asked of him and why should I string him along like a puppeteer pulling his strings.

Peter’s teething, talking and trying to walk.  He’s now nine months old.  His first word was ‘dada’ and John was over the moon when he heard it.  Peter is a happy baby and loves his mother and father.  John spends most weekends with him and we still have brunch on Sunday. Believe it or not I am happy too. John has grown emotionally and has exhibited love to both Peter and me and you can also tell that he feels comfortable in his own skin now.  So what am I waiting for?  I have no more excuses for delaying in giving John what he wants.  He has told me on more than one occasion that he wants me.  As the Nike slogan says, ‘just do it’.  Even with my past less than virtuous behavior I was raised to do right and so I have returned to making certain that I pray before making any major decisions.  I received an answer and now I just have to act on it. 

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I have noticed a change in Evangeline in the last three months. I have done the things that she asked and more.  I have told her on several occasions that I want her.  I want to marry her.  I didn’t actually propose but I did tell her that I want to marry her and have a life with her and Peter.  She hasn’t said that she wants the same but I won’t give up. I did that before and I won’t make that same mistake again.  She’s worth whatever I have to do and how ever long I have to wait to have her as my wife.  She’s it for me.

Peter is doing so much these days.  He has teeth; he’s talking; and now trying to walk.  His first word was ‘dada’.  I was so elated and I was smiling for days because of that.  I’m sure that it didn’t sit too well with Evangeline but she didn’t say anything about it.  She just seemed happy that he had started to talk.  She stopped nursing soon after Peter cut his first teeth because he kept biting her nipple. Evangeline wasn’t too disappointed she said because she at least was able to nurse him for six months.

Finally my workday has ended and I’m on my way to my apartment to shower and change and head to Evangeline’s apartment for dinner.  Since I visit at least twice a week in order to spend time with Peter, Evangeline asked me to have dinner with them on my visit days.  I enjoy this time together tremendously because it looks like a family dinner to me.  That’s what I want, for us to be a family. After dinner tonight and after we put Peter to bed I will ask Evangeline if she’s ready to commit to me. Arriving at her door on time I knock and she opens the door with a big smile on her face.  Well the evening is starting on a good note and so I shall be encouraged that it will also end on one.

“Come on in John.  Peter is entertaining me with his singing.  We have a virtuoso in our mist.  Sit and listen.”

I hear the music on the radio and then hear Peter trying to sing with the music.  Of course we do not understand anything that he’s saying but he continues as long as the music plays.  I just sit and listen to him as he stands trying to walk while holding on to the furniture.  Evangeline is in the kitchen finishing dinner and Peter and I are in the living room.  Evangeline brings the food into the dining room and I move to pick up Peter and Evangeline turns and gasps.  I look at her to see why she gasped and she’s looking at Peter.  I turn to look at Peter and see that he has let go of the sofa and is walking toward the dining room table where Evangeline is standing.  I am stunned still and just watch him continue to walk to Evangeline.  He makes it there and she picks him up and kisses and squeezes him.  He turns and looks back at me and I walk to him and while Evangeline still has him in her arms I hug him and her and squeeze them both and kiss Peter on his temple. He then kisses both of us on the cheek.  We all go to the kitchen to wash our hands and then Evangeline puts Peter in his high chair and we sit down for dinner.

“Wow wasn’t that something.  He just let go of the sofa and walked.  I know that I gasped and I’m glad that I didn’t scare him and cause him to stop walking.  Our little boy walked today John. I’m glad that you were here to see it first hand.  I know that I would have been disappointed if I had missed that.”

“Yes I am glad that I was here too.  He is growing so much right before our eyes.  It’s amazing to see.”

“Yes it is. John after we put Peter to bed can you stay after for a little while, I want to talk with you about something.”

“Sure I can stay and I want to talk with you about something too.”

“Good that’s settled.  Let’s eat.”

Dinner went well and all enjoyed the food.  Peter walked around a little more and tired himself out so we had not problem bathing him and getting him to bed.  He was even too sleepy for a book tonight.  We went back and sat on the sofa to talk.

“John I want to tell you that I have noticed that you are doing all of the things that I asked you to do to win my trust and I also see the love that you show to me. I also noticed that I have not given you any indication that my opinion of you has changed since three months ago.  You probably think that I will never want you in my life again but that is not true.  I’m scared John.  I’m scared to let you back in my heart.  You’re it for me John.  If I let you back in I won’t ever let you go again.  I will love you until I die.”

“Evangeline, oh my love, don’t be afraid.  You’re it for me too.  I want a life with you.  I want to marry you.  And don’t think that this is just because of Peter.  Of course he is a part of the reason but not all of the reason.  I love you Evangeline. I will love you until I breathe my last breath.  Let me back in your heart and I will take such good care of it. Please.”

I didn’t know if I would get another opportunity to do this so I get on my knee before her and take the ring box out of my pocket and say,

“Evangeline will you marry me?  I love you.  I love you so much and I want a life with you.”

I sit and look at John and see the love in his eyes and reply,

“Yes, yes John I will marry you.”

I put the ring on her finger and stand and pull her up with me and kiss her tenderly.  I hold her and bask in the joy of having her in my arms again.  But it won’t be like before.  I won’t take her love for granted.  I will learn from my past mistakes and not make them again.  I have regained her love and trust but it took work on my part that I realize I was glad to do. So now here we are together and better than ever before.  I’ve made my way back into her heart but ‘not without a fight’.

THE END