Chapter 2

“I want you to go back in time and think about your relationship. How did it start? How did you fall in love?” Dr Jameson told us.

I stopped myself from looking at George. Only seeing him made me feel pain.

“The only thing that counts is that it’s over.” I whispered.

“Emma...” George protested feebly.

“No George, I want to know why? You told me that it was because we changed, we grew up, but that cannot be the reason. You don’t want me and you don’t love me. Maybe you never did. There’s definitely something wrong with me.” I reasoned. I knew that whatever I said wasn’t logic, but I could feel myself slipping in the darkness.

“Emma, George doesn’t think those things. He claimed more than once that he loves you and wants to be with you if you give him another chance.”

I looked at my watch and noticed that we had still half an hour.

I sighed in frustration. “Okay. Let’s do this trip down memory lane....” I said unconvinced.

My first memory of George was when I was 3 and he was 6. He used to teach me things and tell me things. I was eager to learn stuff from him. He was my best friend.

And then we grew up. George was there when I hurt myself; he was there to help me with my homework and held me when I was sad.

At the age of 5 I knew that I wanted him forever. I wanted him to be my best friend and my husband.

I always loved him. Him and only him, and I trusted that he would never hurt me.

He was my first and only crush. I thought he was handsome when I was ten, but it was when we went through puberty, him before me, that I realised how hot and attractive he was. Once George started dating other girls, I felt betrayed, and jealous. He saw me as his friend, and nothing more.

And then he left me and went to University in Scotland. He was 18 and I was 15. That pissed me off to no end.

16 years previously...

He had a girlfriend. At least that’s what he told me.

It had never bothered me as much as it did now. Probably because I could see him every day, and then I could believe that it was a phase. But now, the distance between us just made things harder.

George was the love of my life and my best friend. He was 3 years older than me and I’d known him all my life. He was my constant until 3 years earlier he decided to go to the University of St. Andrews, in Scotland, leaving me alone here in the suburbs of London, alone. I did resent him for that.

I was afraid of losing him. Next Autumn I would be the one going to Durham, and I would stay there for the next three years of my life. And I was scared. Scared of us growing distant.

George was my life and I didn’t know what I would do without him. I just had to do something, something to make him notice me. At the end of the day I loved him and I wanted him to love me. I just didn’t know how I was supposed to do that.

“You have a date.” My friend Jennifer smiled at me.

“Pardon?” I frowned at her. “You know that I don’t date.” I reasoned.

“What’s wrong with you dating someone? You can’t wait for George, forever. You have a life and I don’t want you to waste it going after someone who might not return your feelings.” She tried to explain without hurting my feelings.

“I know. But I can’t see myself with anyone else.”

She sighed and hugged me briefly. “Everything will be okay, Emma. I promise you.” She smiled at me. “Now let’s go to our History class.”

I nodded. I pushed aside any thought of George aside, knowing well enough that they would resurface sooner or later.

“Emma, I miss you.” George told me on the phone. “When are you coming back?”

“Tomorrow. This is work, George, and if I could I would spend my time with the kids and...you.” I whispered the last word, my voice dripping with uncertainty.

“Can we talk to mommy?” I could hear Emilienne’s voice in the background.

“Sure.” George said his voice distant.

“Mommy, I miss you. Come back soon. I want you to read to me my bed time story.” She exclaimed excitedly.

“Mom, how are you?” Darcy inquired.

“I’m having a lovely time in New York. I just wished you guys could be here with me.” I grinned.

“Emma, it’s pretty late, there. Rest. I’ll call you tomorrow morning.” George said softly. “Guys, say goodnight to mom.”

“Night mom.”

“Night, babies. Sleep tight.” I hang up and smiled again. My adorable children. They were everything for me.

“How is the family doing?” Taylor asked me.

“They’re doing well. Thanks for asking.” I avoided his gaze, afraid of him noticing that I was embarrassed.

“Emma...” he told me as he came closer to me.

“Taylor...” I replied.

“I want you to have some fun. We deserve it after managing to solve the problem between our companies and giving the okay for the new contract. Don’t you think so?” he put his arms around my waist and brought me closer to him.

I hugged him and kissed his cheek tentatively. “You’re right. Let’s go have some fun.”

He took my hand in this and dragged me out of my hotel room. I knew I was going to have fun and for a few hours I could forget about the mess I was.

“That was incredibly fun. The movie was amazing. We have to do it again, Taylor.” I grinned at him, happy to spend time with my friend.

“I agree. We need to live our lives before it’s too late.” He looked me in the eyes and smiled at me strangely. There was something different about him. I couldn’t quite determine what it was but I was going to find out.

“What are you thinking Emma?” he asked me, curious.

“I don’t know if you want to know.” I looked at my hands and avoided his gaze.

He raised my chin and looked me in the eyes. “Emma, talk to me. Please.”

I sighed. “Why are you here with me? I know I’m boring and not great company. Why are you even my friend? There’s something wrong with me, Taylor. There has to be something wrong with me. You don’t need to spend time with me out of obligation, nor you have to be my friend. I don’t want to be a charity case.” I whispered to him.

“What happened to you, Emma?” he shook his head. “Were you hurt this badly that you don’t see anymore any good in yourself?” his words were like a stab. “You’re a great person. You’re great company and I love spending time with you. Never doubt that.” He caressed my cheek and I closed my eyes at the contact.

“I care for you Emma, and I want you to get better. I want you to be yourself. No camouflage, no façade. Just you, the amazing woman I can call my friend and one of the most important persons in my life.” He spoke softly, afraid to hurt me.

I opened my eyes and smiled at me.

“I’d love to say that I don’t know what I would do without you, but my therapist told me in my one to one session that I have to work on not depending on people.” I sighed. “I don’t want to get depression. And I don’t want to take pills. I want to be fine.” I could feel the tears falling. “I’m such a mess, and I hate that I cry all the time as if I don’t have any more control over my emotions. I’m fed up of being and emotional basket case.”

“Emma, you’ll be fine. You just have to trust yourself and love yourself again.” He reassured me. He left a kiss on my forehead and on the corner of my mouth. “Everything will be okay.”