Flashback

ÒSo you nervous?Ó Kay smirks, sectioning a piece of AriaÕs hair, before passing the flat iron through it. 

ÒA little,Ó Arianna bites her lip. 

ÒMore like a lot,Ó Maya murmurs, applying primer to her best friends face. ÒYou do realize thatÕs actually going to make it hurt more, right?Ó 

AriannaÕs face grows pale, ÒIt will?Ó

Yup,Ó Kay pops the ÔpÕ. 

ÒHow?Ó Arianna all but whines. 

ÒWhen you stress like you are right now, you tend to tense upÉ.everywhere,Ó Maya darts her eyes toward AriannaÕs crotch. ÒThe vaginal muscles clench up and that will make it harder for him to get it in.Ó

Kay nods in agreement, ÒPlus, being nervous will make it more difficult for you to enjoy the foreplay, make sure to get plenty of that, and get wet. Virgin friendly translation? Them panties should be soaked before he try to insert anything other than a finger.Ó

Arianna blushes profusely, ÒThis shit sounds so complex.Ó

ÒIt really isnÕt,Ó Maya sighs gently. ÒYouÕre just stressing yourself to the point where youÕre making it complex.Ó She notices her words seem to only exacerbate AriannaÕs nerves. Sighing, she puts down the eye-shadow brush and leans her weight on the vanity. ÒLook AriannaÉKendall loves him some you and I know you love him. HeÕs waited for you all this time and youÕve held your virginity for the right one. The one you love. Kendall is the right one. And because he loves you, IÕm more than sure heÕll be hella gentle and take his time with you.Ó

ÒExactly,Ó Kay decides to add on. ÒI mean, I know he usually tends to be rough and shit-Ò At this moment, Kay realizes sheÕs said too much, which is confirmed by Maya flashing her a wide eyed Ôwtf are you doing look?Õ.

ÒHowÉ.Ó Arianna trails off, confusion written all over her face. ÒHow do you know heÕs ÔroughÕ?Ó

Thankfully, Kay has almost mastered pulling off her poker faces. ÒGirl,Ó she laughs and rolls her eyes, putting her hand on her, now, poked out hip. ÒIÕm a cheerleader now, remember? Kendall wasnÕt always prince charming ya know? He done fucked almost the whole damn squad. Them bitches talk.Ó

ÒOh,Ó Arianna frowns, not because she doesnÕt believe her best friend. No, she frowns because she had almost entirely forgotten about KendallÕs infamous playboy past. She had truly tamed the beast. Well, the promiscuous side of the beast at leastÉ

ÒOkay,Ó Maya breaks Arianna out of her thoughts. ÒWhy donÕt you go put your clothes on before I finish your makeup. I donÕt want anything ruining my masterpiece.Ó

Aria laughs, ÒOkay, miss thang.Ó 

Both girls wait until the other girl leaves the room before conversing. 

ÒHave you lost your damn mind?!Ó Maya whispers harshly. ÒAre you trying to get your ass kicked?Ó

Kay rolls her eyes, ÒWould you chill the fuck out? It slipped, okay? ItÕs not like I wanted to tell her.Ó

ÒBut you almost did!Ó Maya throws her hands up. ÒThat shit would have been so bad,Ó She shakes her head. ÒI still say you should have just told her when it happened.Ó

ÒHave you lost your damn mind?!Ó Kay shoots back. ÒThereÕs no way in hell I was going to, nor will I ever tell her I fucked Kendall.Ó

The fact that she had slept with her best friends boyfriend wasnÕt something Kay liked thinking about, let alone talking about. She was drunk out of her mind one night, and so was he. They were both wasted at a party. Still, that was no excuse. The following morning, they both felt beyond awful. He was damn near in tears, and physically on his knees as he pleaded with Kay not to tell Aria. After much debate and not wanting to lose her best friend and especially hurt her, Kay agreed to keep that night to herself. The following few weeks after that, Kay and Kendall avoided each other like the plague. However, the few times they were in the same area, Maya noticed the awkwardness. Kay confessed and Maya, although reluctant, agreed to keep the secret. 

ÒI still say you should have. I donÕt know how you can handle the guilt.Ó Maya shakes her head. 

Kaydence snorts, ÒOh, IÕve forgiven myself a long time ago for that.Ó A beat. ÒNaw, itÕs the knowing that Aria will never be able to forgive me.Ó She looks down, ÒThatÕs that shit I canÕt handle.Ó

OoOoOoOo

Meanwhile, a nervous Arianna stares at the refection in her full-length mirror. Actually, sheÕs having a hard time accepting the sight in front of her. This isnÕt her. It canÕt be. Her midsection, upper arms, and thighs are laced with old and new bruises. Her back is the worse though. Thankfully, the length of her hair helps to conceal that. 

Cautiously, she brings her hands to softly graze her neck, which seems to be KendallÕs favorite place to attack. SheÕs lost count of how many times heÕs nearly strangled her to unconsciousness. Miraculously though, sheÕs never had bruising there. Still, lack of physical evidence doesnÕt mean an absence of pain.

Closing her eyes to the despicable sight in front of her, she thinks back to the real first time the abuse started.

Flashback within Flashback (A/N: CouldnÕt think of another way to phrase that lmao)

IÕm laying down on the sofa in the Barnes mansion. Sighing, I check the time again. 6:45. I frown. Kendall finishes basketball practice at 5:30. There isnÕt that much traffic in the damn world. Plus, I hate being left alone in this big ass house. ItÕs almost intimidating.

ItÕs been two weeks since the catastrophic anniversary dinner and things havenÕt exactly been smooth sailing between us. We fight over every little thing. HeÕs so confrontational. Even worse, his temper only seems to be getting worseÉ.

"Take out,Ó the sound of someone outside the front door yells, along with the ring of the doorbell.

ÒFinally,Ó I smile, getting up and walking to open up the door. ÒHello,Ó I greet the deliveryman who seems only interested in getting his tip.

He hurriedly passes the bag to me, ÒThat will be $26.28Ó

I roll my eyes and reach in the back pocket of my jeans. I hand him the crisp $50 bill Kendall left me to get the food before heading off to practiceÉif thatÕs where he even is.

The rude man rolls his eyes too, realizing heÕs going to have to figure out how much change he owes me.

ÒJust keep it,Ó he looks at me with confusion. ÒThe change,Ó I clarify. He smiles now. ÒHave a nice night,Ó I move to close the door not even wanting to hear anything else he has to say.

Heading to the kitchen, I place the bags on the counter and take out all of the plastic containers. Reaching in the cabinet with the dishes, I pull out two plates. Placing a decent amount of food on my plate, I reach in the fridge, grab a can of Sprite, and sit down to eat my food. After saying grace, IÕm about to lift the fork into my mouth when I hear noise coming from the back.

Tensing up, I rise up cautiously and position myself close to the expensive knife set adjacent to the ovens. I prepare for the worst.

Instead, IÕm met with an annoyed looking Kendall. I frown. HeÕs dressed in a different outfit he wore to school today. Usually, after practice, he hits the showers and changes into the same thing he wore earlier that day. Why deviate from the norm?

He walks into the kitchen without saying a word, grabs his plate, and starts piling food on top.

Oh hell no. This nigga is not about to ignore me. I wait until he sits down at the table, before sitting directly across from him.

ÒWell hello to you too,Ó I sass, crossing my arms.

He glances at me for a second, ÒHi.Ó

I glare, ÒWhatÕs up with you?Ó

ÒNothing. Aight? I just had a hard day at practice ok?Ó

I sigh, ÒWell, IÕm sure youÕll feel better soon.Ó He better. ÒWhy did you come in so late?Ó

He sighs heavily, ÒAria, you know where I was r11; practice. DonÕt play dumb.Ó

Huffing, I try hard to hold my tongue, but IÕm getting so sick and tired of his attitude lately. Shit is starting to get annoying.

ÒOh really?Ó I quip an eyebrow. ÒI didnÕt even realize. Kinda hard to believe that, with you coming home in a completely different outfit, smelling like some cheap ass Vanilla scented perfume.Ó A beat. ÒBut yet, you were at practice.Ó He drops his fork on the table, but still doesnÕt say anything so I decide to continue. ÒI mean, I donÕt know any other basketball player that smells like vanillaÉSo you going to tell me where the fuck you were or naw? Cause it sure as hell wasnÕt practice.Ó Still nothing. ÒI bet you were at VanessaÕs house getting some pussy, Ò I accuse harshly, referring to this busty, blonde cheerleader thatÕs been after Kendall ever since we got together.

He finally looks up at me and chuckles, ÒSo is this how I get treated now?Ó

ÒI guess so,Ó I shrug.

He looks around and nods softly. Next thing I know, he leans across the table, grabs his cup of juice and throws it in my face.

I scream, my chair going back as I jump up in shock. ÒWhat the fuck is wrong with you?!Ó

ÒFirst you sit up here and question me about dumb shit, then you think I'm cheating on you?Ó He looks at me like IÕm insane. ÒI had to shut ya ass up.Ó

I go into the kitchen drawer and grab a towel out, drying myself off as best as possible. After that, I feel my anger growing. Stepping up to him, I shove him in his chair. Shocking to me, he jumps up out the chair and shoves me back. I stumble.

ÒDonÕt put your hands on me,Ó I spit harshly.

ÒYou pushed me first,Ó he counters.

ÒBecause you threw juice in my face!Ó I push him again. ÒFucking asshole!Ó Turning on my heel, I head into the living room.

He follows me, ÒNaw, where you going?Ó

I grab my purse off the sofa, ÒIÕm going home.Ó

He smacks his teeth, ÒGirl you better get your ass back over here.Ó

Turning to look at him, ÒOr what?Ó

He grabs by arms and pulls me into him, ÒKendall let go.Ó He just stares at me, so I smack him in his chest. That seems to send him off because next thing I know, heÕs shoved me on the floor.

He comes and stands over me, ÒImma tell ya ass once and you better listen good; Don't touch me. Cause if you hit me againÉit ain't gon be pretty.Ó

I jump up off the ground, ÒWhat the hell are you gonna do?!Ó I challenge boldly.

He closes his eyes tightly, ÒSwear to God girl. Imma kill you.Ó

I suck my teeth, ÒYou ain't gon do shi-Ó

Big mistake.

Before I even realize whatÕs happening, he has me by my throat. Pinned against the wall, I attempt to place my hands on top of his to get him off me somehow.

ÒKen,......plea-.....stop....Ó I manage to get out even though I can barely breathe.

ÒWhat?.....did you say something?Ó He teases. I try to speak again, but his grip only tightens. I feel my eyes start to water.

"What the hell you gonÕ do?" He cruelly mocks me. A beat. ÒDamn, you really know how to push a mans buttons.Ó

I canÕt help it. My eyes start to close and I can feel my heartbeat slow down.

I guess he notices too, because he finally lets me go.

ÒWhat the-Ó I start coughing profusely. ÒWhatÕs wrong with you?!Ó

He looks down at me like a mad man, ÒDo you not know when to shut up?!Ó I flinch as I notice him ball his fist up in the air. He bends down to my level. ÒGood girl,Ó he smiles evilly. ÒNow I suggest you go and get a towel and clean this shit up and when youÕre doneÉ.get the hell out of my house bitch.Ó

End Flashback within Flashback

How she ended up here, getting ready to give her abuser the one thing she can truly calls hers is above her. Deep down, she knows itÕs not right. But, she loves him. And, as the saying goes: love is blind.

OoOoOoOo

Aria POV

I always thought my first time would be special, amazing, hell-magical. This canÕt be far enough from it. Not only am I not Òturned onÓ or, as Kay would say Òsoaking wetÓ -

KendallÕs weight on top of me is suffocating.

ÒBaby,Ó I struggle to get out as Kendall unzips my dress from the back.

ÒHmm,Ó He responds, more interested in sucking on my neck than what I have to say.

ÒCan you,Ó I wince as he harshly rips my dress off leaving me in my red and black, matching bra and panties.

ÒFuck,Ó he stops for a second to let his eyes roam my body. I swear, IÕve never seen so much lust and want in his eyes. I frown slightly. How can he find me so attractive with all these bruises covering my body? ÒYou are so damn fine,Ó he groans, pulling his shirt off and laying down on top of me.

ÒKendall,Ó I whimper in protest as he unhooks my bra and throws it off to the side of the room. I feel myself tense as I notice his pants are now off, leaving him in his boxers. Damn, this nigga works fast!

ÒKendall!Ó He stops, and my eyes widen in shock at the loudness of my voice. ÒI donÕt wanna do this anymoreÉÓ

ÒWhat?Ó He looks at me with aggravation, but quickly swallows that emotion down and replaces it with faux sympathy. ÒI promise I wonÕt hurt you.Ó

I shake my head, ÒI donÕt know-Ó

ÒBabe listen,Ó he starts with frustration evident in his voice. ÒI know you just heard me say it wasn't gonna hurt so I don't get what the fuck is the problem...youÕre ready and I'm definitely ready to take that next step with you.Ó

I sigh, ÒI know, I...I just don't think the timing is right...like where we are in our relationship?Ó

ÒOur relationship?Ó He scoffs. ÒArianna do you hear yourself right now? We have been dating for a almost a year. Now as a "Man" I had to wait for almost one whole fucking year, just so you would give me some..É.and now you taking about you don't wanna do this?

ÒWell,Ó I pause, almost already knowing where this is headed. ÒYeahÓ

ÒYea?Ó He mocks, and I swear, right then is where the demon comes out.

He pins me down to the bed, one hand restraining my wrists while the other tries to pry my legs apart.

 ÒArianna open your damn legs or else we gonÕ have a problem!Ó He shouts as I begin to let my tears fall.

ÒStop,Ó I plead, ÒKendall, please donÕt do this!Ó

He smirks down at me, ÒThereÕs nowhere to turn Ari Bear. ItÕs just you, me, and this bed.Ó

Hell no. I canÕt let it happen like this. I refuse to. I donÕt know how, but I somehow manage to get the upper hand and am able to knee him in his crotch. He falls beside me, and I waste no time in jumping up and trying to run out. Of course, IÕm too slow and heÕs too fast. Before, I know it; IÕm back on the bed again.

ÒFuck this,Ó he jumps up off the bed and grabs his phone out of his jean pocket.

Shit.

ÒWhat are you doing?Ó I question, my voice shaking.

ÒCalling Jamie to come get your dumbass,Ó My mouth shuts. Has he lost his damn mind?! ÒYou donÕt wanna be with me so take your teasing ass back home!Ó

My eyes widen. Jamie will fucking kill me. Literally.

ÒDo you wanna go home?Ó He smirks evilly. He knows damn well I canÕt. Silence. I wince loudly when he grabs my thigh, squeezing tightly. ÒDo you?!Ó

I look down. I donÕt have much of a choice now.

ÒNo,Ó I answer quietly.

He smiles, and throws his phone in a distant corner. ÒThatÕs my girl.Ó I cringe.

HeÕs back on top of me again, pinning me down, blackness all in his eyes. ÒOk then, this is how it's gonna go down. I'm gonna fuck you and youÕre gonna like it.Ó He chuckles cockily, ÒBetter yet, I shouldn't even have to tell you to like it cause I already know that you will and if you even think about resistingÉ.Ó His voice grows deeper and darker. ÒYou will make it worse but only for yourself, got it?Ó

I look up at him. This is the man who promised to never hurt me. To always protect me. Everything has been nothing but a lie. But, I canÕt blame him fully. No, this is my fault. I put myself in this situationÉnow I have to face the consequences.

ÒOkayÓ

The next twenty, if that, minutes are torture. Kaydence said it would hurt at first and God did it hurt, but not at first. No, the entire ordeal was painful. For me at least. Kendall seemed to be in heaven as he thrust in and out of me for what felt like forever but was actually not that long. He came rather quickly and before I did. Even worse, when he was done, he plopped down on top of me making it hard for me to breathe. And to top it all off, when I tried to ask him to release some of his weight from on top of me, he got even more upset and although he got off, he pushed me so hard I fell off the bed.

Not wanting him to see my tears, with my head down, I made my way to the bathroom closing it and locking it. Turning on the sink and shower on, I let the water drown out the sound of my soft, but heartfelt sobs. And in that moment, I swear, I donÕt know which hurt more: my body or my heart.