CHAPTER 2

Deep breath in...deep breathes out. The waiting room of the ob-gyn office smelled like disinfectant and cheese whiz. Macy's' stomach was rolling so badly she wanted to curl up with a big can of ginger ale and celery. It had been had an hour so far and the receptionist had yet to call her name. She was going stir crazy looking at the other women sitting there rubbing their stomachs with smiles on their face. The camaraderie between them was something she envied. Is that all it takes...a big pregnant belly and instant friendship? Macy sat quietly feeling like an outsider. Sure common sense told her that the women formed a bond over the past few months regarding their expanding bellies, but lately common sense flew out the window. Her need for companionship had recently intensified. The realization that she would be doing this alone scared her. Macy didn't forget that her sister was pregnant; it was more of denial she found herself in. Thinking about Mo's own pregnancy saddened her even more. She did not want to bond over which food made her nauseous and how sore her breasts were...nope. Because then the bonding moment would surely include single mother hood and that was something Macy did not want to bond over. She wanted for her sister what she craved for herself right now; stability. Macy took no pride in being pregnant by a man who couldn't stand to look at her. Quite frankly she was embarrassed. I knew better than this. What is wrong with me? Macy thought.

"Macy Williams......Macy Williams" the receptionist called.

Macy jumped out of the chair...  "That's me...I'm here."

She could feel the eyes of the other women on her; judging her. It was the wedding ring, or lack thereof. Macy noticed their eyes on her scanning her from head to toe, because she did the same thing to them. Out of the five patients in the waiting area, only Macy was ring less. Paranoia was a bitch.

Walking through the door that led the way to the exam rooms, Macys' heart began to pump. She felt sweaty and light headed. The nurse stopped in front of a dark brown wooden door, pushed it open and motioned for Macy to enter. Macy paused and looked for an escape route, positive she had shined her bat signal for help. There was nothing...just a sterile exam room complete with instruments made for torture and no window to jump from. The nurse glanced at her warily before once again motioning Macy to enter. Taking a deep breath, Macy crossed the great divide into impending motherhood, of course she did that when she had sex with....him but this was an even bigger step. This was the confirmation of it all. That none of it was a dream. The sweaty moans, roaming hands, breathy sighs...this was confirmation that she really did lose her mind.

"If you will have a seat the doctor will be right with you."

"Do you know how-"The door closed behind the nurse before she could finish. Well that was rude.

Macy sat in the chair beside the exam table, not comfortable enough to climb on it yet; anything to delay the inevitable. She checked her phone for messages. Not a thing. Macy was a grade 5 leading executive assistant for a major Fortune 500 company called The9 Corp. She kissed ass and lots of it while making sure the top brass had everything they needed and more. She thought about their day before they did. But she didn't mind too much. It was very wealthy ass which doled out generous yearly bonuses that she would definitely benefit from soon. Placing her phone in her purse she wished for an interruption, a text...something, but Macy knew better. She had become persona non grata at work. Where before she was looked up to by the other assistants for her knowledge regarding the company and all it entailed, they now avoided her. Like the mothers in the waiting area, her peers at work watched her from head to toe; just for a different reason.

The door opened gently, Macy's thoughts cut short upon the doctors' arrival.

"Macy...how are you doing dear?" Dr. Schumer asked pleasantly.

Macy smiled nervously. "Well, I've been okay. How is everything with you? How are the grand-kids?" Macy asked, stalling.

Dr. Schumer smiled knowingly, "they are as rambunctious as ever, thank you for asking. Now how are you doing? According to my chart you were here approximately three months ago, on August 25th and everything was okay. Has there been a change?"

Macy looked into Dr. Schumer's pleasant blue eyes. There was something about this woman with her graying shoulder length blonde hair and quick smile that should have put Macy at ease but it didn't.

"Macy what's wrong? You can be completely honest with me."

Macy took a deep breath. "I think I'm pregnant. Actually, I know I'm pregnant...I took five home pregnancy test which to some degree all said positive," she said in a rush.

Dr. Schumer smiled gently. "Macy... please calm down. Please sit on the exam table."

Macy stood on shaky knees and slid onto the table.

"Okay, start slowly."

Macy took a deep breath. "As I said, I think I'm pregnant. I had...ummm....well, unpro- I had unprotected sex two months ago and I haven't gotten my period since before I had...sex....unprotected. I've been nauseous and my breasts ache especially in the mornings."

Macy felt sick. This was not how she wanted her first obstetrician appointment to go. No husband, no close friends.....

"Okay, well first things first, I'll do an exam and then we'll do some blood work. It will be alright. Women go through this all of the time. Now change into this gown and we'll see what's happening. I'll be back."

Macy changed into the gown and sat on the exam table. Waiting....it seemed she would be waiting for quite some time. Seven months to be exact.  

2 HOURS LATER

Macy shouldn't have been shocked. Sitting at her kitchen table drinking tea she was exhausted. Dr. Schumer confirmed what 5 home pregnancy test, nausea and tender breasts told her. She was pregnant. How was she going to tell her family? Glancing at the prenatal vitamins she wrapped her hands around her mug, the hot tea warming her hands from the chill she felt in the air. November...in Portland, Oregon was chilly, especially chilly since there was no one she could call to confide in. Loneliness was cold. She never realized how much until he left. She relied on him for so much, too much. He became her warmth, her heat, her passion. Too bad she didn't become his. She shook her head clear of thoughts about Aiden Black. Thoughts of him...them, only served to confuse her. It was time to move on.

Tomorrow she would head back to the office and use the mundane activity of work to escape from this madness. Macy knew she had to tell Aiden, just not how or when. High School graduation seemed a little extreme so maybe... kindergarten? Seeing him again would be hard but necessary. Of course since she hadn't seen Aiden in weeks due to his transfer maybe she wouldn't have to tell him at all. He stopped returning her calls weeks ago and she got the message. They were over.

Macy took her mug and rinsed it out. Her body was on auto pilot. Dr. Schumer said she was perfectly healthy and so was ...the baby. As difficult as it was for her, Macy asked about aborting the baby. She had to, as they say, consider all of her options. Until she made a decision, Dr. Schumer suggested she start taking prenatal vitamins. Armed with pamphlets, she left the doctor's office feeling judged, as though there were a big scarlet A on her chest. Affair, adulterer, abortion, pick one. Now with the pamphlets laid out on the kitchen table she felt panicked, anxious. She took them and swept them into the kitchen junk drawer. Deep inside, she had already made her decision. She was having a baby.