“Mrs. Cooper, Mr. Cooper has to cancel today’s lunch due to a conference call.” The bubbly secretary with bubblegum pink nails and pin straight blond hair chirped at me. I shifted on my five in nude heels and brushed stray pin curls behind my ear. My jaw clenched and ticked with anger. This was the fourth time this month he has blown me off for his other woman and he thought I was on aware.

I smiled at Alice and answered. “Oh well, tell Charles that I will be home awaiting him then at six.” I turned on my heels the yellow linen dress I had adorned swung around my calfs and flowed behind me fluidly.

I entered the elevator and slumped against the wall. I was not a stupid woman, neither was I desperate or reckless, I was in love, I was hurt. My husband of 10 years has been unfaithful for the past five.
His mistress was an escort. Some bimbo he met on one of his many trips overseas. While I was home tending to his estate and our children he spoiled her with shopping sprees and trips to the Maldives. I stayed at home the faithful wife to the heir of Cooper Inc. 

My heels clipped through the parking garage and when I rounded the corner I saw my shiny white BMW I clicked the key pad and entered my vehicle fighting the tears and keeping the smile on my face.

I remember when Charles was Charlie and before I was Elizabeth and when I was Liz. They said we wouldn’t last that because we were to in love too young to marry, because I was black and he was white, he was an heir and I was an orphan. I remember when he used to come home craving my kisses and my hugs. Now everything with him seemed like an obligation. His smiles never reached his eyes when he looked at me. There was no zing when we kissed; he made love to me like it was a choir. The passion was gone and though his love for me seemed to have left mine was ever burning and strong.
I pulled up to the front gate of our home and pressed the numbers in the keypad so I could enter. I parked swiftly and entered into the large kitchen.

I placed my keys down and sighed. When I first realized Charles had been cheating I cried everyday but I did nothing. Now I endured it, we were a couple too far into the public eye for a divorce that wouldn’t be messy; I had to worry about our children and their wellbeing. Charles though he has failed me in many ways he was a devout father and loved our children so fiercely it reminded of what we used to have.

I flitted around the house preparing dinner and cleaning up. I heard the garage door open and the patter of feet met me in the kitchen. I grinned when I saw our 10 year twin boys rush into the kitchen rough housing and giggling.

“Trevor, Bradley!” I playfully scolded as they threw their backpacks down in the hallway.
They paused laughing before taking purchase on the breakfast bar where I had left their after school snack. Their light brown skin and fluffy brown hair was thoroughly mussed their face smeared with dirt and clothes crushed, when they glanced up at me with their wide smiles and green eyes I was lost.

“Sorry Mom!” they chimed. I rolled my eyes. “Sure you are, but net time you come into the house wrestling like that there will be no xbox for two weeks.” I replied sternly they groaned and I gave them a pointed look.

I kissed both of their heads and handed them tomato soup and grilled cheese. “Tell me about your day.” I asked them sitting in front of them snacking on a small salad and grilled cheese.

The blabbed on in excitement retelling their stories from school and playground drama. I chuckled at their corny jokes and genuinely enjoyed their company.
“Alright homework, and then off to baseball,” I told them clapping my hands together and cleaning up there plates. They scampered of to their play room with backpacks in hand. I turned the oven off on the baked salmon and went upstairs to change. I pulled on a pair of dark wash jeans and a brown long sleeve v neck. I zip up my brown boots and pulled my hair into a bun, wrapping a brown and yellow scarf around my heck I meet in the play room to find that the boys had finished their pages of homework and were ready for practice. We clamored down the stairs and into my white car. I made sure they were buckled in before I drove off to the communities baseball field.

Before I had fully come to park they flew out of the vehicle and onto the field.
“Bye MOM! Kevin’s having a sleep over so we will see ya later...” Trevor called as I got up to scold them.

“See you tomorrow! Bradley chirped. I looked toward Teresa and she smiled in agreement to their plans. I thanked her and made it back home in time to rewarm the salmon and finish the white rice for dinner.
As I expected I ate alone that night. I fixed Charles a plate and stuck a note on the counter by his dinner. I prepared for bed and made a call to Teresa to check on the boys knowing that they were safe and sound gave me comfort as I climbed in bed at ten thirty.

I heard a crash around 1:30am and a curse as Charles made it into our bed room. I turned on the light to see him at the door holding his leg. His frame was hunched over his brown hair mussed due to eager fingers.

“You’re up?” he questioned. I nodded, I got up and sat him on the couch taking off his shoes and helping him out of his jacket quietly. He hummed as I kissed his lips. I tasted faint lipstick their and tried hard not to grimace. His arms wrapped around me and he rested his forehead on mine. His green eyes sparkled and looked cloudy… he had been drinking.
He stripped fully naked and pressed my body against the wall, kissing my neck and bringing the short night dress up with his warm hands. I gasped enjoying this unusual passion until I smell her on him I pushed him away.

“Take a shower.” I told him. He groaned. “Liz I’m too tired to take a shower and since when has me sweaty deterred us before.” He moaned squeezing my breasts. I pushed him off and stepped away.
“It deterred me when you started smelling like someone else.” I whispered. He grabbed my arm softly.

“What?” he quickly sobered up and I couldn’t stop the tears. This is not how I wanted to confront his infidelity but it was taking a toll on me.
“I said it deterred me when you started coming home smelling of another woman.” I told him the silent tears raining down my cheeks.

“Liz… I… When… How…” He stuttered slumping onto the mattress.
“Charlie, I know you better than anyone, you’ve been with her for five years of our marriage, I knew from the first night you slept with her.” I told him softly.
He groaned into his palms. His shoulders slumped he seemed so defeated and it wrenched at my heart.

“You’ve been skipping our lunches to spend time with her, she no longer wants you at night alone. Your business trips overseas are vacations with her. The money that disappeared from our savings was you purchasing her a new car after hers was totaled, a diamond necklace or two and shopping sprees.” I listed the lump in my throat building and dissipating as I began yelling.

“While I was home looking after your sons you treat her like a queen. You fuck her, like you should be fucking me, you make her number one and leave me in the dust and I just have to know, Charles.” I began swallowing. His head had buried deeper into his hands.
“Look at me.” I demanded. His eyes met mine. They were filled with tears. “Do you love her?” I asked. His eyes closed and tears fell down his cheeks.
I choked on my sob. “Do you love me?” His lack of an answer made my knees week. I sank on the mattress.

My heart felt as if it was being wrenched out of me. I took a deep breath. “Charlie, if you love her…” I took a deep breath and shook my head. “I won’t hold you back, I will let you go.” I told him getting up and leaving the bedroom. I grabbed a pillow and made my way into the next room.

His silence was worse than him screaming, yelling, denying. I wanted him to be angry but his silent resolution broke my heart. I climbed into the bed of the guest room and held his pillow to my face. I felt sick as the sobs wracked my body, I ached and I felt weak. I don’t remember falling asleep. I do remember him climbing into bed with me sometime in the night.

When I woke up his body was wrapped around mine. The tears began again; as I awaken I try to stop the back breaking sobs. I don’t know where they’re even coming from at this point but I wake him and as his hushes me and brushes my hair from my face they let loose.

My sobs are loud as I try to cry him out of my system. “I love you. I love you. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” He began to whisper.
But I can’t stop five years of holding it in was coming out. I was gasping for a breath I struggled to sit up as the tears kept coming.
“Lizzie, I love you… baby breath.” Charles said. He sat me up and knelt in front of me.
“I need… I can’t…”
“Breathe, I’ll give you whatever you need.” He cooed as he reached for his phone.
I felt my sense leave me and my body went limp.
_ _
“What did you do?” I heard. I opened my eyes and was met with the fuzzy heads of my little boys.
“I swear Charles… she is literally the best thing you have ever done in your life. Despite the hesitancies my father and I had, she loves you with a fierceness I have never seen. A loyalty and devotion you cannot receive from some bimbo at a party.” Mrs. Cooper.
“You don’t think I know that!” he snapped. I coughed to signal I was awake. The boys were asleep as they snuggled closer to me. I smiled and soon I saw Charlie smiling down at me the smile not meeting his eyes again.
“You okay? You had a panic attack” he asked with sincerity. I took a deep breath. “I’m okay.” I clipped. He sighed

“I deserve that and whatever you put me through.” I cut him off then. “Put you through, what I want to do is put you through what you’ve done to me, I want to travel the world with a younger better endowed man for five years and then maybe I could call it completely even.” I snapped the monitors began ringing.
“I deserve that too, but Liz please keep calm for the boys.” He hummed running his fingers through Brads curls.

“I’m leaving you.” I whispered calmly looking into his eyes. His face went gray in a matter of seconds.
“Do you need help moving out darling?” Charles Senior chirped. I hadn’t even realized they were in the room.
“Liz… you can’t I love…” I glared at him shutting him up. “Don’t you dare… say that to me.” I told him.
“I want the condo in Manhattan furnished with my things and the things of the boys by tomorrow. I need time away from you before I make any decisions on how to proceed if we are even going to proceed.” I choked back the lump in my throat.
“I’ll give you whatever you need.” Charles resigned.
_ _
Two months. The boys still didn’t understand, they pouted and sometimes threw tantrums but for the most part we coped. I returned to teaching, I lived through life day by day. I didn’t interact with Charles I knew that our separation had gone public and there was talk about an affair but nothing concrete. They did stop seeing one another though. I know because she came to the apartment.

I growled at the door as someone knocked. It was nine thirty who could that even be, I swung the door open and there she stood, with her fire red hair and bright blue eyes were rimmed red and wet.

Her slight body was dressed in a pair of yoga pants and a sweatshirt, she couldn’t be older than 24. “I love him.” She told me. I gave her a hard look.
“I love him, I have his children, I am his wife, I loved him first, and he was mine and never yours to keep. So don’t you come to my doorstep trying to guilt me, I never once told him to stop seeing you. I left him but I never said stop sleeping with your mistress.” I clipped.

“I’m sorry.” She whispered. “If you didn’t want to get hurt you never should have slept with a married man. You are young find your own young love, your own sweetheart.” I told her.
“Don’t ever go near my husband again, and never ever come to my doorstep and cause me anymore unnecessary pain.” I scolded. I slammed the door in her face and sunk to the floor.

Two months since I’ve felt my husband’s arms around me and my body craved him. But I lived he didn’t try to contact me and I fought my urge to call him, the boys told me enough with their visits with him.
“Daddy looks sick mom.” They said to me. “He sleeps all day now.” “He needs you to come take care of him mom.”

It was a Thursday afternoon and I had just finished my last class of the day as I ushered my students out of the room I saw him. He looked like he had lost some weight, his skin was pallid and gray his hair was mussed as were his clothes. He closed the classroom behind him and stood in front of me.

“I have betrayed you for five years. I cannot begin to understand how it must have felt to know that you weren’t the woman I was clinging to at night. I was blinded by selfishness… I took you and the boys for granted. Its true about what they say; you don’t miss something till its gone. I forgot how your selflessness made me feel, I miss your singing in the morning as you shower. I miss how you help our boys through the day. I miss your slow kisses, the way you bite your lip when you concentrate. The tapping of your foot when you’re pissed. I miss making love to you and I know that I haven’t delivered in that area of our relationship since I started the affair because I was selfish and stupid. I love you Elizabeth and I want you to come back home. I can’t express how sorry I am but I want to show you. I want to earn your trust again, I want my wife back and I want to treat her as she should be treated.” He told me as silent tears ran down his cheeks.

“Charles I…”
He took in a deep breath. “Liz I can’t… I won’t live through this if you want to leave me permanently… I won’t make it through a divorce…” he sank to his knees in front of me.
“It’s going to take a long time Charles and I am going to make you wait, my slow kisses and our love making will not be at your disposal anytime soon. I have very little trust for you I want counseling, I want us to communicate.” I told him tersely.
“I’ll give you whatever you need.”
_ _
Two years. I pulled into the garage and smiled to hear my boys in the kitchen.
“Shhh… I think your mom pulled in…” I heard Charlie whisper. I chuckled under my breath and opened the door.
“Happy anniversary mom!” The boys were holding both a dozen of roses Charlie held on to a single lavender rose.

I grinned placing my briefcase and purse on the side table.
I kissed my little boys cheeks and allowed them to flee for play time. Meanwhile Charles awaited my attentions. He handed me my rose and kissed my forehead. It had been a long road for us one of a lot of pain and forgiveness. He held me in his arms tightly.

“Lavender Roses mean ‘love at first sight’ ‘enchantment’ and my choice of a singular rose symbolizes my renewed and utmost devotion to you.” He whispered in my ear. I held onto him with even tighter enjoying his warmth.

It took one whole year before I allowed him to fully hold me like this; the memory of him doing this with that girl haunted his every caress. Another year before I allowed him to kiss me and we have yet to share the bed as an intimately as before. He was patient at first understanding I was hurt by the first year he began suggesting and I got hot with anger. I was very short with him and I knew that I had yet to fully forgive him. He asked that we sought out therapy with a sex therapist saying that we needed help.

I was resenting him, for sharing something we had promised to devote to one another and working through that had us walking on eggshells around one another. Charles wanted to make love and I was hesitant. I wanted that part of our relationship back but it was difficult his touches set my body on fire but then thoughts of his infidelity.
“Happy anniversary.” I whispered to him. He kissed my ear and ran his hands up my back and holding my waist.

“It’s our night what should we do with it.” He hummed against my cheek as we swayed. Two years and tonight I was going to warm the bed with my husband she would no longer going to stop me. I lifted my head and met his mouth. He gasped gripping my hips as I gave him my deepest kiss. I rose my hands to run my hands through his hair He moaned gripping my backside. I released his mouth he panted happily. I grinned back at him.
“I forgive you. I love you and now I need you.” I told him firmly.
“I’ll give you whatever you need.”