“Shh…Michael. Everything is going to be alright. Mommy is just having another episode. She’ll be fine in a little bit.” I said while smoothing the hair of the little baby’s face in my arms as my sister’s screams and breaths grew deeper and louder in the background. “She’s going to be just fine. Aunty Rin is here. I’m going to keep you safe okay?” His cries quieted down a bit, but my sister on the other hand grew more hysterical. I could hear her in the other room shouting, along with Jason and Lauren trying to calm her down. I pated Michael’s head and hushed a lullaby so he wouldn’t have to hear what was being said about him behind the door.

“I don’t want that damn baby! He’s been nothing but trouble! All he does is cry and whine! He’s driving me insane. Kill that demonic thing! I hate it!” My sister screeched at the top of her lungs. “Get that fucking monster out of this place, get it the fuck away from me!”

“Ray! Calm down! That’s your son, remember? He hasn’t done anything wrong to us. He needs us. We are his only hope of living. We have to take care of him ok? He loves us. He loves you. He’s just a baby.” I heard Jason tell her. He must have reached out to touch my sister at that point when I heard her yell again.

“Don’t you fucking touch me! That thing is not mine! I could never give birth! I would never bring a child into this shit hole of a life. Look around us! This world is over, there’s nothing! I wouldn’t bring something like that bastard child into this world Jason! So don’t tell me that thing is mine, it can rot in hell for all I care.” I heard the venom in her voice as she spit out those last few words. It hurt me to see my sister like that. Distraught, in denial of her own, and just physically ill… and hearing the things she had to say about Michael hurt even more.

I started to tear up a little and held Michael tighter in my arms. Michael must have heard me when I let out a sob. He could possibly have felt the emotions I was feeling too about his mother. Why didn’t his mother love him as much as his aunt did? Michael let out a little wail of his own, but a bit louder. Not to my surprise, Ray heard him. It sounded like she was charging for the door yelling.

“Let me kill that thing! It doesn’t deserve to live!” The next thing I knew, Ray had busted down the door separating us and was headed straight for the baby and me. I squeezed my eyes shut and griped Michael tighter to my chest.

I heard Jason and Lauren tackle my now crying sister to the floor. I opened my eyes to see Jason holding down Ray’s legs and midsection, while Lauren held down her arms and torso. All Ray did was cry inaudible words. A few times I heard her say to herself repeatedly “Not mine. Not my baby. Never”.

Across the dim lit room I noticed the covers of the makeshift bed move on the ground. Samantha had finally woken up. “What on earth happened? I pass out for an hour and I wake up with Ray pinned to the damn floor.” She stood up and began to fold the blankets she had slept in not long ago. I loosened my grip on Michael and looked up at her.

“Ray had another episode.” I looked back down at Michael to check and see if he was alright, smoothing back his soft curly sandy brown hair. Sam looked over at my sobbing sister held down by both Lauren and Jason. Jason turned his gaze from her with a heated look on his pale complexion, his black chin length hair now covering his face.

“How long did it last this time” She asked us. I didn’t answer her. I looked over to Lauren.

“About 20 to 30 minutes this time. It’s getting worse with every episode.” Lauren told Sam. They both looked over at me. I shed a tear.

“Don’t look at Michael like that. He did nothing to deserve this. All he did was be born, he never asked to be born. He never had a choice.” I sat glaring at them and holding Michael closer to my chest. Samantha’s face gave way to a shocked expression a long with Lauren.

“Oh no! Erin we would never think that about Michael. We know he had no choice in the matter. He’s dependent on us. We would never cause him harm in any way.” They both tried to console me. I eased up a bit and the tension I didn’t know I had in my shoulders released.

I looked down to my sister on the ground, no longer yelling or screaming. She just laid their under their pressure looking ahead, almost in a trans like state. Lauren let go of her arms and backed away. “Are you sure about that?” Jason questioned with concern and precaution etched across his face. Lauren just nodded her head and walked away. As she walked away she told Jason to put Ray in the makeshift bed so she could get some rest. Jason did as he was instructed and placed her on the bed made of a bunch of dirty old rags and blankets we found when looting the remnants of the old home we resided in for the time being. He laid her on her side and naturally she curled up in the fetal position she always used to sleep in since earlier and simpler times. He wrapped the covers around her body and stood from his stooped position.

I watched my sister from halfway across the room holding Michael. How could she not want him? He was the spitting image of her, but an infant male version. He had her pretty curly sandy brown hair, her dimples when he smiled. And his eyes… big and round just like hers. But... the only difference was his eye color. My sisters were a dark warm brown like mine. But Michaels… Michael’s eyes were a leafy green color. I have always known this since I had set my eyes one Michael, but I never thought of why. The only possible reason why Michael would have such a difference in eye color would be because of his father. I don’t think any of us know who the father of Michael is. Only Ray would know. But however, the way she’s been since he was born, I don’t even think she remembers anymore. She denies his existence and connection to her. She could have possibly blocked it out.

Just as I was thinking this I noticed Ray was staring back in my direction. That blank stare held its gaze on Michael. I tensed up. Michael wasn’t aware of his mother blankly staring at him because he was fixated on pulling at my matted black hair from its extremely tangled pony tail. The way Ray was staring made me feel extremely uncomfortable.

Just then I heard Lauren call my name along with Samantha who was staring out the window at the far side of the room. “Samantha, Erin. Come here.” She called out.

Sam and I walked over to the room with the now broken and busted door hinges, out of the site of my sister’s cold eyes. Lauren and Jason were sitting at the round table we all usually sit at to eat or have group meetings about what our next plan of action should be. I sat down and placed Michael in my lap. Sam sat down on the left of me while Jason and Lauren sat across from us.

            “Alright. Let’s cut to the chase” Lauren started off. “We are going to need to come up with a plan. This place won’t last us much longer. We have only about a weeks’ worth of food left if not less. I found a map at the last house Jason and I looted. We need to come up with a plan and where we are going to go. This house and this town are pretty much dried up. And we can’t risk the chance of others trying to find food and shelter spotting us either.” She looked up from the map and held my gaze “Your sister isn’t making this any easier for us either. We need to keep a close eye on her so she doesn’t end up hurting that baby or herself”. I nodded my head to her in agreement.

            Jason spoke up, “Tomorrow morning Lauren and I are going to head out and see if we can loot anymore places around here for food one last time and to scout the roads. By tomorrow night we hope to leave this place in search of a new town that will hopefully have more supplies available to us. So everyone tonight needs to get a good night’s rest. Especially the little one.” He said pointing to Michael who was half falling asleep, “We have a long couple days ahead of us.”

            After discussing a few more important things everyone decided it was a good time to adjourn the meeting and get some rest. Sam and Lauren had left the room before I did and went out to where Ray was in the bedroom. I sat for a bit with Michael trying to lull him to sleep before I stood up to bring him to the next room. We all decided it was safer to all sleep in the same room, that way none of us would be in trouble and the others not close enough to help in time. Jason walked next to me in the dim lit room. He gave me a little smile to express his sorrow that this had to happen with my sister yet again. But I was used to it. I walked into the room to see my sister fast asleep and walked further to the complete opposite side of the room and laid down placing Michael on the side closest to the wall so that I would be in between him and my sister. It didn’t take me long to fall asleep, it never did. Nowadays I was always tired. Sleep was what I needed.

            I dreamed of the times when it first occurred and this living nightmare started. Everything all went to hell so quickly. I even dreamt of the birth of Michael.