When the heart breaks

"Please Johnny! I'm…. I’m sorry” trembled Ariana

“I promise to do better" pleaded the 25-year-old as she curled herself into the fetal position.

 While looking up at the man she once loved, the familiar ache of a broken heart began to throb. To escape this harsh reality, she felt herself drift away to the sweeter moments of life, but he would not give her the satisfaction. A swift kick to her stomach brought her back to reality. However, the pain in her stomach was familiar, and she knew what to expect. It is the same pain which caused her to lose her child only four months ago.

"WHY do we always go through this?” slurred Johnathan

“Huh?!” he shouted

“Making me seem as if I'm the bad guy, because YOU can’t get it together." stated Johnathan while he reached down.

Wrapping his hand around her hair, he yanked her up by the tender strings on her head. Finally standing, Ariana looked at her trembling hands.

"I'll try harder" whimpered Ariana as streams of blood dripped out of her nose.

As she looked down, she noticed the crimson liquid staining the tan and brown marble kitchen floor.

"Shut the hell up" warned Johnathan as he wrapped his hand around her delicate brown throat. With a strong grip, he pushed her towards the kitchen’s wall. Squeezing tighter, her air ways began to close.

Wide eyes and trembling, Ariana bit her lower lip while expecting the worse. Things were never this bad, but the more he had to drink the more bruises would appear. No matter if the condo was spotless, the food delicious, or an attentive manner: he would find an excuse. An excuse to damage her both physically and mentally, which caused her soul to deteriorate piece by piece. After a while, she began to believe his comments: “you’ll never be good enough” “no one will never want you”.

“Why leave? Who would want someone damaged?” she convinced herself each time she mustered up a little courage to leave. 

Since elementary school, Ariana was always the “fat one” or “cow” but she learned how to outgrow hateful comments. Sadly, those hateful comments did not only come from classmates, but also family. Her mother, Vanessa was her manipulative, overbearing, and harshest critic. When Ariana arrived home, she knew what waited for her. A mother with cruel intentions, whose life purpose was to discourage and downgrade her daughter in every way. By the beginning of high school, she weighed 260 pounds. Due to sports and an awareness of healthy eating, she lost weight. During that time, she applied herself in every subject so she could move far away for college. Finally, by college she was 216 pounds with a scholarship to NYU, and a new found confidence. By the age of 19, this Georgia born girl set out on an adventure to become the woman she once dreamed about.

Things were going as planned before she met her next nightmare, before she met Johnathan Henry Travis. Ariana saw him at a bar one night, as she and Roxy reminisced over a drink. She caught a moving shadow in the corner of her eye which caused her to look in that direction. There, she first laid eyes on him: his chocolate skin glistened in the dim lights, his pearly whites shinning back at her, and his dimples caused her heart to melt. He smoothly walked towards her, and offered her his hand. As his plump lips gently kissed her hand, her knees felt feeble.  Unaware of the charming wolf, she let him guide her to the dance floor to share a dance and exchange numbers. Months after becoming acquaintances, they shared their first kiss, became a couple, and finally engaged. To her, Johnathan was the perfect guy: she shared her toughest time in life, her deepest secrets, and eventually her heart. It was easy for her to fall in love because he was loving, caring, attentive in all her needs, and more. However, things changed when he received a promotion at work, his mother’s death, and the high expectations from his social life. Eventually, it caused an increased in drinking.

She recalled the first time he hit her, it was at their engagement party. The same engagement party that caused her glass house to shatter.

At that moment, she believed things would get better. After he became accustom to his new position and the acceptance of his mother’s untimely death: she hoped for their happy days again. However, it was not so, the beatings were similar to an A sharp minor in a song, it was constant and unchanging. Finally, she realized, the longer she stayed, she lost herself in the fairy tale that did not have a happy ending.

"Are you listening to me?" he shouted as his hand came across her right cheek. The impact caused her head to snap in the opposite direction. A couple of seconds later, she tasted the familiar taste of blood.

With tears threatening to spill from her eyes, she whispered "What happened to us" she asked while looking into his eyes. The charming smile was now a scorn, joyful eyes became hate filled, and gentle touches were now harsh and unforgiving. As his facial features slightly soften, Johnathan looked at his hands in disbelief. Noticing the blood on his class ring, his eyes snapped towards the body in front of him. Looking at his future wife, he noticed her battered appearance. The busted lip, black eye, bleeding nose, and blood stained clothes were all caused by his hands.  The same hands that once caressed her body, loved her soul, and gentle massages were now the cause of her pain.

"I... I'm... I" he whispered while stumbling backwards towards the door. Thinking of an escape plan, he never broke eye contact with Ariana. This was his fairy tale, and he demanded her forgiveness because he was not ready to let her walk out of his life. Reaching out for Ariana, she flinched thinking he would retaliate. Denying his touch, Johnathan walked towards the door, and slammed it as he left their condo. Feeling mentally and physically exhausted, Ariana laid on the cold kitchen floor which offered her hurting body comfort.  As she held herself tightly, she thought about only one thing: Escaping.

When Johnathan arrived home, it was early morning. As he soberly walked inside their condo, an arm on the kitchen floor caught his attention. Moving closer to the limp object, Johnathan peeked over the marble island. Behold there laid his fiancé’s battered body, asleep on the floor and there laid his guilt. Observing her broken features, without waking her Johnathan slowly walked towards her. Slightly bending down, he wrapped his arms around her plump body. Picking her up bridal style, he walked past their homie living room, and up the stairs. Taking a deep breath at the last step, he moved towards their bedroom with her securely in his arms. Kicking the door open with his foot, Johnathan walked towards their bed. Laying her gently on their blue silk sheets, he whispered "I'm...sorry" and kissed her forehead.

Turning on the light in their master bedroom, Johnathan walked towards the mirror. Looking at the outer shell that he painted, Johnathan no longer recognized himself. Gone was the gentleman who opened doors for others, gone was the carefree guy, and gone was the guy Ariana fell in love with. Tightly gripping the porcelain counter and staring into the mirror, he stared back at the man he hated. Tired of reminiscing, he took off his shirt, tie, and watch. Getting a warm damped washcloth, he walked towards their bed. Kneeling down, in front of the woman he loved: Johnathan gently wiped away the blood from Ariana’s face. Johnathan gently wiped away the blood that seeped from under her eye, and wiped away the blood from her nose and mouth. Looking at the blood soaked cloth, he became ashamed of the damage he created. Leaning down, he gently kissed her forehead and placed the cloth in the bedroom’s sink. Running cold water on the cloth, he tried his hardest to remove the blood. Becoming upset, he threw the cloth in the trash and made his way towards the bed.

After settling comfortably in bed, he wrapped his arms tightly around her waist “I love you and I promise to get help” he reassured.

Tired from drinking, sex, and work, his eye lids grew heavy and his breathing became even. When Ariana knew he was sleep, her eyes popped open. Johnathan promised her to get help plenty of times: when he became the reason for her miscarriage, the reason for two broken ribs, and other times. However, the strong combination of whiskey and perfume prevented her from reminiscing on her loses. Perfume and whiskey always lead to Roxy: her ex-friend. Looking for any kind of release, Ariana stared into the dark room. Suddenly, a glint of moon light shined through a little peak in their window. As the moon light shined through, it gave her a sense of peace. Why? No matter how dark life may become, a light will always shine through. Her life seemed dark since birth, but she was ready for a change. Therefore, she was ready to escape this darkness and ready to escape this thing called drunken love. Dead or Alive

The next morning:

Ariana woke up to breakfast in bed with roses aka “sorry for using your face as a punching bag – breakfast”. This time, it was not going to work because she finally reached her maximum. Slowly getting out of bed, she felt the stiffness in her body.  Walking towards the bathroom slowly, Ariana shaking feet barley held her up. Looking into the mirror she saw a busted lip, swollen nose, and a cut under her eye. Lifting up her shirt, she gently touched the bruise on her rib which caused her to flinch.

“I can’t take this any longer” she sighed while taking off her clothes.

Walking towards the shower: she turned it to the hottest level. Letting the water cleanse her body: Ariana made up her mind to leave. After a shower, flushing the “breakfast” down the garbage disposal, she began to search around the condo franticly. Grabbing a suitcase, she packed all of the essentials: the clothes which she loved (sweats, bras, big shirts, and etc.), her personal information (passport, credit cards, and etc.) and things she could not live without (her stuffed teddy bear, grandmother’s jewelry, and etc.). In the kitchen, she saw the familiar crimson substance on the kitchen’s floor. Looking at the blood made her nerves rattled, while reaching for a plate she accidently knocked it over. Rushing to clean it up: “Why the hell would you clean this up? You’re leaving him!” as she agreed with her inner self.

Getting up the guts, removed all the plates from the cabinet and smashed them on the floor. It eased her, and decided to go to the next level. When she smashed the mugs and glasses an overwhelming feeling made her excited. No longer did she care about his expectations: running towards the bathroom, she began to flood the bath with his personal items. His precious jewelry, laptop, shoes, clothes were all in the shower with the water on blast. Satisfied with the damage, she went in the kitchen to sip on an 89’ Henri Jayer Richebourg Grand Cru and poured the rest on the counter.

“Should I leave a note? Probably not, he should get the idea” she reasoned with herself. Four years of catering, sacrificing and loving him unconditionally went down the drain with the protein drinks he loved so much. Gathering her things, Ariana sprinted out the door and towards her Jeep while never looking back. However, she made a couple of stops before hitting the highway. First, she went to the bank and removed the money in her saving and checking which totaled $72,325. Secondly, she quitted her job as an engineer: her boss saw the swollen nose, bruised eye/lip and understood the situation. Lastly, she brought a new cell phone but transferred important numbers. Three hours on the expressway, Ariana received a phone call from Johnathan.

“Where the hell are you?” he demanded to know

“Why did you trash my things?” he questioned

“I swear, if you don’t come clean this shit up then we’re going to have a bigger problem” he threatened.

“You know what Johnathan, I DON’T CARE!” she stated. With him shouting in her ear, Ariana finally threw the cell phone out of the speeding jeep.

Her destination: Texas but she traded in her car in Louisiana just in case he would search for her. Settling into her new car, Ariana made her way to Texas: never looking back. Her beloved uncle, auntie, and cousin lived in Texas, and she was overdue for a visit.

When she finally reached the Texas state line in 2 days, she took a deep breath of relief. Looking into her rearview mirror, she finally escaped the thing called drunken love.