Title: Chapter 3: Chapter 2
I had to read the reviews to 'get' that the hero just went into the house to talk to our girl. That didn't come across so clearly, as THE significant twist of this chapter.
All the same, I like your set up very much, and wonder how you're going to get the wallflower to come out on top, with this bunch of frenemies.
As another reviewer also wrote, she comes across as low self-esteem. I dunno if you have locs, but the women with locs that I know, even if they are thoughtful and introverted have a very high self-esteem and consider themselves attractive outside the social 'norm.'
Maybe Sasha could win a session with a professional loctician, who can help her style her locs more attractively. That would do wonders for her self-esteem. Because I'm not seeing her embrace her femininity and the beauty of locs (Google Chescalocs, to see what I mean). And it's sad that she's not getting that from her 'friends.'
Author's Response: Thanks for your review! Actually, that was just that readers interpretation of the events. I was not trying to convey that he purposely went into the kitchen to speak to her. Also, I purpposely wrote Sasha to have low self-esteem; I don't think having locs is really indicative of high self-esteem. There may be some correlation but locs may not actually be the cause. I have locs myself, but the primary reason I did get them in high school was in reaction to my having low self-esteem. That's not the case anymore, but I do still get reactions from 'friends' about how they think straight hair is prettier and more feminine.
With Sasha always being surrounded by friends who are considered more beautiful than her, though she may not think she herself is ugly, she does compare herself to them constantly and that causes her to lose faith in her own worth. As the story progresses, I'm hoping to show how she begins to embrace her own feminity. But thanks again for your review and analysis. I always like to hear other's opinions. Please, keep reading! :-)
P.S. I'll be sure to google Chescalocs to see what you mean.
Reviewer: bookbutterfly Signed
Date: June 01 2013