Edges and Other Dangers

It wasn't often that Alexx went out. There were the medical examiners luncheons, the Miami-Dade police dinners, and the meetings of soccer moms like her who, who wanted it all and stretched themselves too thin. It was rare for her to spend an hour in front of the mirror trying to decide what she was going to wear because in a few hours she was going to be at one of the hottest spots in the city.

The last time Alexx and her girls had gone to a club they'd spent most of the night sitting in a dark corner, drinking Shirley Temples and feeling old. They'd watched the twenty-somethings shake and shimmy, dancing to music that sounded equally ridiculous and scandalous. At the end of the night they'd driven back to the suburbs, resolved to act their ages and confine themselves to medium-scale restaurants, reunion concerts, and the odd girls' night out.

So when Ryan asked her to join him at The Suite, a newly opened lounge that all the young people were dying to get into, her answer was a firm no. What would she do there? Snarl, suck her teeth, and narrow her eyes in response to the young women who would make it a point to sneer at her? Shuffle off to the side as Ryan hooked up with some girl, whose outfit was made from dental floss and held together by spit and a prayer?

"It's not that type of place," Ryan said, putting on his best puppy dog expression. "It's for people who've had enough of the Miami party scene. You go there to chill. You sit down and you listen to some good live music and play a couple rounds of pool and talk."

"So basically it's for young people who want to feel grown and sophisticated."

Ryan paused for a moment, thinking. "I guess so."

"Then I'm really not interested. If there's anyone more unbearable than the young party freak it's the not so young sophisticate they turn into. They have the nerve to talk to me about what life has taught them after a couple of years of drinking mixed drinks and having illicit sex in bathrooms."

Alexx scoffed, thinking of one of her nephews, who'd attempted to school her about life and politics at the last family gathering. He'd sounded like most of the arrogant, self-centered, young men she met on crime scenes. They talked too much, rarely listened or said anything of worth. Most of their knowledge was gained from friends who'd read the books or from The Daily Show and internet blogs.

"Why don't you ask Eric or Calleigh to go with you?"

"Delko and I aren't at the point where we can go out together and have fun. He still feels guilty about the nail in the eye thing. It would be awkward."

"And Calleigh?"

"Miss Duquesne is not into the Miami night life in any capacity. I think it offends her southern genteel sensibility."

Alexx smiled, trying to imagine Calleigh at a night club. She'd likely be more uncomfortable than Alexx. "I think it would be odd. It would be like taking your mother out."

Ryan grimaced, seemingly offended. "Alexx, I don’t think of you that way. I have a mother and you're nothing like her."

"She bakes cookies instead of cutting up dead folks?"

"Something like that."

"Still, I don't think—"

"Alexx." Ryan drew out her name, whining in such a way that she wondered if he really didn't think of her as a mother figure. "It's not like you have anything to do tonight."

She wasn't a twenty-one year old worried about appearances and didn't spend her time wondering if she'd die an old spinster surrounded by cats so the comment didn't sting. She had nothing planned for tonight and it thrilled her.

It was deep into summer and her husband and sons had taken a trip to Queens. Bryce wanted to show his sons that there was more to the world than unbearable heat and scantily clad women. Alexx had planned on going home to the empty house, taking a hot bath and watching some reality TV, things she never had time for with two boys and a demanding husband.

On the other hand, she could do that some other time. Her family would be gone for two weeks and she had Tivo.

"Come on, it's going to be fun," Ryan said, sensing she was softening towards the idea.

"The minute some young fool gives me a dirty look or tries to argue with me I'm leaving, but only after I give them a piece of my mind."

Ryan grinned. "You have a deal. I'll pick you up around ten."

Pick her up? Before Alexx could tell him she was an adult and could drive herself, thank you very much, Ryan had already gone down the hall and turned a corner. It was probably better she drive since she'd most likely be helping him home after one too many neon drinks if he didn't hook up with some girl.

Alexx thought about going after him and telling him that, but didn't move. She had to get to the morgue in a few minutes. Besides, Ryan would be saving her money on gas.

)(

In the end she chose a pair of dark boot-cut jeans, a black tank with lace accents, a fitted leather jacket, and black stiletto boots. The outfit wasn't too dressy or too casual, perfect for the sort of place Ryan said The Suite was. She didn't look soft enough to be anyone's mother or hard enough to look old and out of place. At least, that was how she hoped she looked.

Ryan was at her door at five after ten. After the obligatory greetings he escorted her to his sleek hybrid, even going so far as to open the door for her.

She didn't feel it at first. She'd felt something come on after Ryan got in next to her and gunned the engine, but ignored it. When they left the quiet suburbs coming on to the busy highway Alexx's belly coiled. There was something different about Ryan tonight, something that had changed the mood between them.

She was taken back to her childhood in New York, stealing kisses in alleyways, tasting the anticipation and nervousness of the boys whose names she no longer remembered. She recalled her first date with Bryce, how he'd radiated nervous energy, almost sweating through the new clothes he'd bought just for the occasion.

Ryan's clothes looked new. Dark jeans like her own, a white button up shirt, and one of those fitted jackets she was used to seeing him wear around the lab. He wasn’t exactly relaxed, but he lacked the serious air he usually carried around with him in the daytime. This wasn’t Ryan Wolfe, CSI and colleague. This was Ryan Wolfe, a man she didn't, and wasn't sure, she wanted to know.

If she had any sense she would tell him to turn the car around take her home. Make up a lie or fake an illness and get home quick. It was possible she was overreacting, reading into things that weren't there, but there was also the possibility she wasn't.

Her neighbour, Carla, had revealed to her in a moment of weakness, having no one else to talk to, that she was having an affair. It wasn't because her husband was inattentive or abusive. Their marriage wasn't perfect but it was solid. She had no real reason to cheat, no reason that would gain her sympathy if she were found out. The truth, she admitted, was that she was having an affair because she could.

At the time Alexx hadn't quite understood, hoped she never would. She could've killed Ryan for making her see.

Would she if given the opportunity?

Maybe.

)(

The Suite was a throwback to the mid to late nineties R&B/neo-soul atmosphere. The walls were made of rough brown brick and the floor had a worn finish. The booths were made of aged leather and the chairs and tables were old and mismatched, likely scavenged from thrift stores, estate sales, and closing bars and restaurants.

The illusion was of history. The owners of The Suite wanted the patrons to feel as if the lounge had always existed. Great jazz musicians had played there during Prohibition and after the second Great War it had become a dive pub, where hardened veterans and old men told their stories to gruff silent bartenders. The new owners wanted them to believe they were bringing the place back to its former glory instead of selling a feeling that was as empty as the high one got off buying the latest iPhone.

Although, she could see through the fantasy, Alexx allowed herself to be partially taken in. She remembered going to places like this in New York. Thinking of those memories always put her at ease. She needed to be calm if she was going to survive the rest of the night.

Ryan guided her to a table not too far from the stage and pulled out her chair for her. Alexx didn't meet his eyes as she sat down.

"I'll get us something to drink. What would you like?"

"Bellini if they have it," she replied. "Rum and Coke if they don't."

While Ryan was gone Alexx took in her surroundings. The crowd was mostly the young sophisticates she'd complained about. They sat with their friends, trying not to be too loud, sipping drinks that seemed to glow in the dark and clashed with the atmosphere. There were a few patrons her age. Well-dressed men and women, who leaned back into their chairs, comfortable, knowing they had no one to impress. She could enjoy herself here, Alexx decided.

The band had taken the stage by the time Ryan returned with her peach coloured drink and a bottle of imported beer. There was no time to talk as the band started to play as Ryan sat down. They were an eight man group, playing a fusion of progressive rock, Latin jazz, and R&B. Half way through the song, the small dance floor was crowded and the music was punctuated by good-natured shouts and laughter.

During the band's fourth song Alexx's glass was empty and she had the familiar feeling of the being watched. She scanned the crowd discreetly, her eyes landing on an attractive man three tables over.

Tall, dark, and handsome, just the type of man she'd take home for a romp between the sheets in her college days. He wasn't long-term material. The expensive clothes, flashy Rolex, and hundred dollar bottle of champagne at her table spoke volumes. He was either a rich playboy or a middle class office worker by day pretending to be one.

Alexx gave him a small smile, telling him she was flattered but not interested.

He glanced over at Ryan, amused. Ryan stared back, shooting him a dark look reminiscent of the expression he wore when in the interrogation room with the worst offenders, the rapists, the pedophiles, and unapologetic wife beaters.

So, that's how much he—

She couldn't finish the thought. What she needed to do was get out of this place, call a cab and go home to the beautiful house she'd bought with her husband, where they'd raised their children, giving them the comfortable upper middle class they'd always wanted.

Alexx's leg twitched, but she stayed rooted.

From the corner of her eye Alexx watched Ryan peel the label from the empty bottle of beer. She heard him sigh, and for the second time that evening she felt the air between them changed. It brought her back to the first time Bryce had broken up with her. They'd sat in his car, close but so far apart, looking out at the blackness outside. He hadn't spoken a word and yet she'd felt as if she was teetering on a sharp edge. In a few moments she'd plummet and shatter. Things were going to change and she was going to lose something she held dear.

The music tapered off as they came to a short intermission. There was a minute or so of silence before the speakers started blaring an old Sergio Mendes song.

"Alexx," Ryan began.

"Ryan, don't," she said firmly, breathlessly. "If you say what I think you're going to say then everything will change. I'm not a good liar, can't spin a tale to save my life. I won't be able to fool myself into believing I didn't hear you or that you don't feel the way you do."

She didn't look at him but she could feel his surprise as well as his relief. He wouldn't have to stumble over words or lapse into uncomfortable pauses.

"Alexx," he said again.

She heard all she needed to hear in his tone. He was still going to speak, still going to push the issue and change everything. She couldn't let him do that.

"Excuse me." Alexx hoped she sounded polite as she stood and pushed back her chair, making a quick getaway to the bathroom.

She should've gone the other way, Alexx thought as the bathroom door clicked shut. She should've gone for the exit, walked a few blocks and called a taxi. Half and hour she'd be home where she needed to be.

None of this would've happened if she had taken time off and gone to New York. Instead of being holed up a too small bathroom she'd be adding to the crowd and chaos in her sister-in-law's apartment. Bryce had called earlier to tell her he was taking the boys to Coney Island.

"Do you remember the time we had sex on the beach?" he'd whispered, laughing.

She did. Three days after she was still washing sand from her body. So many years had passed that she only remembered the aftermath of their lovemaking rather than the act itself.

Alexx splashed water on her face, desperately trying to remember that night on the beach. It seemed important now that she recall every detail. She had been wearing a gingham print spaghetti strapped dress and flat sandals. They'd bought ice cream and cotton candy, staining their mouths and hands with sticky sweet residue. They'd drifted towards the darkened beach and . . .

She couldn’t recall much after that. Murmured words, groans of pleasure, the feeling of her bare skin against the sand. The ocean breeze had been cool, causing gooseflesh to rise. There had been a particularly strong wind as the shock of orgasm passed over her. She'd felt cold and hot at the same time and her heart had beat out a war rhythm while the rest of her body was still.

She needed to go home. Maybe she'd find the rest of the memory there.

)(

Alexx made it a block from The Suite before Ryan caught up to her. She'd pulled out her cell phone, ready to call a taxi when she felt a hand on her shoulder. She whirled around, unprepared for Ryan's unapologetic and defiant expression.

"Alexx." It was the third time he'd said her name that way, voice full of want, pleading for something, anything, from her.

Something akin to rage welled up in Alexx. Did he have any idea what he was doing? Could he imagine the consequences? Of course he didn't. Ryan had never been married. He didn't know the depth of commitment marriage could require. He was young too. Just a year short of thirty he still possessed some of the impulses of youth. He could understand cheating and stepping out, but the word adultery had no weight. He didn’t understand how it could cut to the bone, put up a mirror and make you face all the ugly things about yourself you’d previously denied.

In the middle of her thoughts Alexx felt soft warm lips against her own. Ryan had one hand on the small of her back and the other in her hair. She struggled to get out of the embrace but Ryan held her in place. His tongue swiped across her lips in between short kisses on her mouth. Not the forceful passionate kisses of youth but the slow certain kiss of a man who knew what he wanted. Alexx wondered if her previous conclusion had been correct.

She didn’t realize the edge had fallen away until a long time after she’d leaned into the kiss.

End