Chapter One - Proposition

My body was shaking.

I just could not decide right then and there whether it was in rage or fear, a mixture of both perhaps. I felt tears flood the insides of my eyelids and I struggled to blink them to oblivion. I did not want to show weakness or fear. I did not want to give the monster in front of me any more power than he already had. His demeanor was that of a man without a care in the world, his glare icy and uncompromising, scrutinizing the length of my body. He was patiently waiting, waiting for my decision as though I had any choice. As if the decision I was to make was not certain. Of course, it was certain, all this waiting was just a formality.

My blurred vision strayed to the table between us, to the files that splayed on the table rather carelessly. To a picture that captured my full attention. A young boy, with dark skin like me, smiling with hopeful expectations. A smile only a child could make, without reservation, regardless of the situation. Tyron Richards, only 12 years old and hospitalized due to heart complications. My little brother, a boy I had practically raised after my mother died. The only precious thing in all of the world to me. The one and only reason I found myself in this god-awful situation. A flicker of movement out of the corner of my eyes made me look up.

He had risen. 6 feet tall. Raven black hair. Piercing blue eyes.

He was big man, broad shouldered and all male. He was absolutely the most gorgeous man I had ever seen. Ever. He stood tall and with careless precision moved to the little bar stand across the room. I watched him like a hawk, my body tickling with nerves as I forced my trembling body still. All was quiet, so still. I felt as though I was an insect stuck on a spider’s web, a prey hoping for salvation, eager to be unnoticed, to be just another insignificant little speck. Therefore, I dared not breathe, and stilled my rapidly beating heart. He took two glasses from the cabinet and poured a drink. He turned towards me, his eyes met mine and I instinctively turned away. I felt him coming, time slowing down as he charged towards me. The air seemed to turn unusually cold and light to darkness. I felt so puny, standing there incapable of anything as he stalked towards me like a panther about to strike a weaker animal.

And I was weak.

I felt so weak as though I would drop to the floor, my heart was beating fast and it was the only thing I could hear. My heart just hammering away. I was rather proud of myself really, for a moment. Though I was intimidated out of my mind, though I trembled in overwhelming fear, though everything in me flared in pure terror. My senses were all in hyperactive mode, urging me to retreat, to flee, to save myself. Perhaps it was bravery, or perhaps foolishness but I did not move. Finally, after an eternity he stopped right in front of me. My head bowed, my eyes staring at the carpeted floor as I tried not to quake in terror any longer. A feat I admit that was utterly in vain. He said nothing but I felt his eyes. Those two fine orbs on his face were a power unto themselves. Suddenly a glass appeared in front of my perception, my heart skipping a beat to the sudden movement, I stepped back instinctively my head shooting up.

A regrettable mistake.

His eyes, a blue force, held mine in a spell. I could not read them, it was hard to do so, and they were like an impenetrable wall. I felt overwhelmed by a sense that I had missed something, something important. I did not know what it was, but my mind could not understand, could not comprehend the impossible that was taking place. I felt besieged in completely confusion. I knew what he wanted, I was not so naive nor raised under a rock, but no matter how much I analyzed the evidence it still did not make sense to me. All I knew was that I did not understand anything, nothing at all. He raised his hand until the glass was in front of my eyes once again. I shook my head to answer the unasked question. Unfortunately, I was not much of a drinker. The smell and taste of alcohol has always left me with utter disgust. He slowly lowed the glass to his side and his eyes met mine again.

There was a slight lift of his lips and something flickered in both his eyes. It was there for about a moment then disappeared. But whatever it was left me feeling anxious. A ding on my cell broke the spell. I jumped and grappled with the phone before it split through my fingers while he returned to his seat. I had forgotten I was still holding the damn thing. I opened my phone and glanced at the message.

The tears that I had tried so hard to stop from falling defied my mind. My eyes sight blurred even as I let the phone drop to the floor. I felt ashamed but dear lord in heaven I could not stop the tears from raining down my cheeks. I could not think, my body was reacting long before my mind caught up. It was done, the decision was made and there was for all the best, all for him, all for my baby brother.

"Strip"

The voice startled me back to the presence and the echo rang in my ears. I finally looked at the man that had saved and damned me at once. I did not immediately comply. I hesitated knowing what I knew, though I realized that my actions now could either save my brother’s life or do the opposite. I hesitated either way. Could I really do it? Could I really give my body away just like that? Could I really sale my life to save another? Should I? The frozen frame of my brother's joyous face filled my memories. Slowly but surely my trembling fingers moved up to the bottom button of my shirt. Tears came down unbidden even as I unbuttoned myself bare.

And he...

He just watched me without any expression on his face. Neither excitement nor lust, nor pleasure and especially not mercy. My tears meant less than nothing, my pain insignificant. Finally the shirt was open and I let it slid past my shoulders down to the floor.

A sight I must be.

A trembling, tearful girl barely old enough to drink. How could this be a sexy sight? I took a deep breath and hiccupped, my hand going to the button of my skintight blue jeans. He raised his glass and gulped down the entire drink in one shot. His eyes never leaving my body as I struggled out of my jeans. I felt a change inside me, as I stood there barely naked, with only my underwear covering me. I change I desperately did not want nor welcomed.

Excitement.

His eyes no longer seemed cold to me but ablaze, smoldering in flames. A fire that seemed to travel in the air, searing my skin, drying my eyes fast of tear. Nevertheless, the terror seemed to increase a notch when he stood. But before I could react, he was in front of me. Without warning, his mouth descended upon mine, his right hand grabbing the back of my head, his left on my waist. How simple life would have been, how easier, had he not kissed me. His mouth was soft; his kiss was like nothing I had ever felt before. Sensual, captivating with an exquisite taste that sparked ablaze a fire that traveled from our glued mouth down south and stirred the center of my soul. I lost myself into that kiss, allowed him entrance, parting my lips as the good lord did the Red Sea. His tongue was hot, swirling about inside my mouth, inviting my tongue into a dance. A slow movement that inflamed my desires; a passionate waltz-taking place in my mouth. I found myself drowning in an incredible sensation, feeling alien emotions that tuned out my brain. Then the unthinkable happened.

I moaned.

I allowed a whimper of pleasure and pure satisfaction to escape my very own lips when he withdrew to breath. And as if someone had poured a cold bucket of water upon my feverish body, I awoke to cold reality. My eyes flew open in disbelief as I greeted the sight of him, a stranger wearing a strange smile at my idiotic admission. I became aflame with utter shame and humiliation. I had barely the time to defend myself or my mind before his lips descended upon mine once more. But it was different this time. My mind was racing, my thoughts trying to bring me back to focus, out of the allusion of this heavenly bliss. I could not forget I had to be strong and remember. However wonderful the kiss, however brilliant the moment, this was not some romantic dramatic overture. This kiss despite the irresistible pull was the direct result of a proposition. That this man had essentially bought my body, that this stranger, who frightened me so, was gaining satisfaction from my participation. My mind revolted, warring with my poor traitorous body. I became tense and closed my eyes, my brain working to find a way out of this unwelcomed intrusion of emotional turbulence. I felt myself melt away, beckoned by happier times. The past opened itself up to me, enticing my attention. The past that held the only thing I wished for more than anything.

My mom.

My body grew limb as I took a detour in the maze that was my mind and I felt no desire to return his arousing kiss. He must have realized it then that I was trying to escape. Therefore, the kiss changed, no longer soft, no longer inviting but brutal. Savage in its intensity, his grip hardened around my head, pulling me towards his harsh attack. He sucked my top lip and bit my bottom hard. His mouth no longer offered a dance; instead, it was like an avalanche hard, harsh and unyielding. His tongue like a tornado, thrusting in and out, turning, twirling, twisting as he invaded every inch of my mouth. It was as if I was being punished for some terrible crime. My eyes popped open at the realization.

I was being punished.

The pleasure I had previous felt turned to pain and this changed everything. My body began to ally itself with my mind and so my struggles began in earnest. I began to hit him, my hands balled into fist as I pounded away at his chest, trying to push him away. I did not want this anymore, I wanted to go home. If only he would move his mouth, part it away from mine. I would tell him, I could tell him that I changed my mind. Sure, he was paying the hospital bill for my brother's care but I would figure something out, I would pay him somehow but I needed him to stop hurting me. But my struggles were for naught, I might as well have been a wild river trying to move a bedrock from its path. He was strong, very strong and I...

I was weak.

My head began to throb painfully; I ceased the blows to his chest. He was so close, so unforgiving and unstoppable. His harsh kisses continued generating heat. My throat felt hot. He was all I felt, all I smelled and all I tasted. I needed air, I had to breathe but I could not fight him anymore. My legs were like jelly and my knees buckled under me but I did not fall, he was holding my upper body against him as his kiss went on without recess. Twisting his tongue away, sucking the air out my lungs, drawing out the soul from my body. My head grew dizzy and I knew I would not stay conscious any longer. My eyelids dropped down while I struggled not to fall completely into darkness and so I wavered between two realms. I felt him pull away, and sweep my legs up, my body levitating in his arms. I felt weightless, as if was in a dream state. I felt myself moving on air while I struggled to breath but the air choked up in my lungs. My tears back for company when I was suddenly dropped hard on something rather soft.

A bed.

I laid there on my back, and my hands were moved above my head before the searing kisses began anew, but now it was just not on my lips but everywhere on my body, my neck and collarbone got the treatment. His mouth was moving about fervently. There was a barbaric rhythm to the kisses he rained upon my skin. As if it was beyond his control, at least it seemed so to me, at first before I realized that his punishment was far from over. There was biting upon my skin, and hands that grabbed and pinched every inch of my body from my shoulders to my navel. Then the hands moved up again, to my chest. My bra came off, his lips descended and my eyes flew open at the on slaughter of sensations.

"Please...no...Stop" I gasped, whimpering at the powerful and explosive emotions I was experiencing.

My body filled at the brink with dreadful anticipation, my mind frozen in terror at the progression of this proposal. His mouth stirring my skin anew, his teeth grazing my flesh. Everything was happening so fast, my brain working too slow. His hands travelled down to grasp my hips roughly before my panties were yanked of me. This was torture and I did not like the feelings that were busting anew. Not one bit but I held back, I stayed still like a doll, unwilling to participate. My words did not move him. My wishes, nothing compared with his determination. There was a probing finger in my folds. Heat encompassed me as I flashed with shame.

I was utterly wet, my body more than ready and willing.

He moved above me, adjusting himself, readjusting me as one would a puppet for the finally. I was well that though I was completely naked as the day was I was born, the only thing visible about him was his face, hands and his manhood. This little realization spoke volumes. I felt the node as it reached my hole; I was still, my heart increasing in speed. My hands still on the top of my head balled into hard fist, my eyes planted at the ceiling above and then without warning. He thrust in.

I screamed.

Chapter Two – Stranger

I hurt.

My body hurt, my muscles tense, my head throbbing something fierce. When I opened my eyes, a painfully bright light greeted me. It was morning, I realized and I was alone in a strange room. It was not a dream then. It was not some morbid fantasy my mind had conjured up nor was it some sordid nightmare I could forget. It had happened, it was real, and it was unalterable. My skin was sweaty, sore and I felt filthy as though covered by invisible grime that marred my skin. All I wanted to do, all I felt like doing was crawling under the sheets and never seeing the sight of day again.

Not this bed!

I woke up then, completely and in utter hasty swung my legs off the bed. Ignoring the balking pain shooting up my legs and the fire burning between my thighs I got up. However, my feet were wobbly, my head a little more than dizzy, and a severe pain pierced every inch of my skin. I took a deep breath, stalling myself in momentary stillness, and then I took another deep breath, trying desperately to calm myself down. I could not stay in this room, I could not stay anywhere within this vicinity. This was ground zero and I needed to jet. I grabbed the sheet, scrunching my nose is disgust as I did so, well aware of the invisible evidence decorating the fabric and wrapped myself a toga.

Just in case.

I was not completely sure I was here all alone. HE could still be here, waiting. God, I prayed not. I wished I possessed the power to transform myself into a bird that way I could fly away into obscurity but wishes were definitely not horses. Silently, almost feeling like a thief in the night, I crept out of the room slowly, my heart pounding inside my chest.

My senses were in high alert and when I entered an empty living room, I sighed in relief. I glanced at the space I had stood on the night before looking for my clothes. That glance was a mistake; I froze in place gripped with the same terror I had felt the night before. I shook the particular flash of memory, of me sobbing soundly as I unbuttoned my shirt, away. My clothes were not there. Swallowing my panic attack, I glanced around the velvet colored room and saw my clothes folded neatly on a love seat with my bag and phone for company. I got dressed in a hurry, as fast as I could really despite everything.

Please god, I pleaded, get me out.

A silly little prayer for a silly little girl. A glance out the corner of my eyes relieved a clear table, the files no longer there, just like the owner. I wore no underwear, assuming there were still in the bed and lacking the guts to go back. I was not about to let myself walk back into that room, not for all the money in the world. I should have thought of that the night before, maybe if I had not seen only the dollar signs I would have realized just what I had agreed to. I would not have gotten myself in such a distasteful position. I should have looked myself in the mirror before leaving that apartment, I felt disgusting, chances were I looked as I felt, but I just wanted to get out.

Thus, my first ever walk of shame began.

I did not look back when I walked out the empty hall, I dared not breathe until I had rode the elevator to the ground floor and my body left the building altogether. There had been a couple of people in the lobby, an elderly couple and a desk agent, whose looks and presence I ignored. I felt as though I was being judged and I hated it. I knew I was in the richer part of the city; everything was so clean and clear, even the air, which was completely ridicules. I was completely out of my depth without any certain knowledge of where exactly I was. The day before I had arrived in a car, a car sent for me specifically. I should have known then…I should have known.

I shook.

I wanted to forget, I wanted to not have everything replaying in my mind. There was no need to remember, I told myself, trying to convince myself to forget. I shook, physically shook the memories of the terror, the tears, the pain to the back of my mind. I took a deep breath as a bolt of pain shot through my stomach when I raised my hand for a cab. There was no way I was going to make things even more difficult for myself by searching for the subway or bus the way I was feeling. The fewer people, though strangers, who saw me in this state the better. I entered a random cab, one of three that had screeched to a halt.

"Hello, Love" I was greeted by a black man donning a Jamaican accent, who had turned his head towards me with a big ol’ toothy smile that I did not return.

"Mount Sierra University" I answered the unasked question, and instantly looked out the window to the outside word as the ride began. I felt him glance back a couple of time through the rear mirror but I paid his curiosity no mind and instead worn myself out trying not to think about anything. Anything that would lead back to how I got myself into this predicament. It seemed however that the further distance I got from the scene of the crime the better I was able to compose myself. It was difficult to sit still the whole way but I managed even with my butt screaming in defiance.

I arrived on campus, finally and after paying the cab fare walked towards to the dorms. The campus was filled with people, students and teachers alike. I tried to walk with purpose; I did not feel like chatting with anyone now. I knew, just knew I would not be a pleasant person to be around. I also knew that walking fast, with my head bowed and distracted was the best way to reach my destination. I lived in a gender-natural dorm; it meant that men and women could live in the same building, different floors but same building. My room was in the second floor, the girls’ floor and when I got to my room, I almost dropped to my knees in gratitude.

Elena, my roommate, was not there.

Thank the Lord Jesus, I do not think I would be able to explain myself well but now I had sufficient time to compose myself, make myself somewhat presentable. I needed a shower though I loathe having to leave my room and I needed to burn these clothes. There was a public shower room on each floor with 1/2 a dozen shower stalls at least and I rushed to one without hesitation, I could not stand the disgust I felt at this harboring HIS smell on my body. Grabbing my essentials, I went on my way.

I was greeted by the sound of giggling chatter just as I walked into the shower room. I barely resisted the urge to roll my eyes. A few girls crowded the mirrors chatting away in pure pleasure. My day could not get any worse.

"Hey Elyshia" The one nearest the door said as soon as she saw me. Strawberry blonde hair, glasses and a completely lovely face to match the chipper tone of voice. I knew she was in one of my classes but unsure which one.

"Hi" I whispered, walking to a shower stall.

"Wild night" A new voice stated in rather suggestive voice, followed by wild laughter from the rest.

I ignored both the suggestive tone and the laughter as I entered the small three-walled stall and closed the door. The girls still spend a considerable time there, their laughter ripping open this hallow place in my heart. They were happy, it showed, yet it seemed so unfair that anyone could be so happy when I was in such a miserable state. The day was brilliant, with the sun shining bright and warm. A day for walks in the park or a romantic picnic. A day to play on swings or swim in a pool.

Yet, I could not enjoy such a day.

Not now, not after... not when I was filled with such rage, despair and sorrow. When everything had changed so drastically that, nothing could ever be the same. Not when I felt like I had betrayed everything, I had ever believed in. How could I? What in the world possessed me so? Though I tried not to, though I wanted to forget, last night's episode made a comeback. My mind filled with filtered images. My tears returning to accompany me on this ride back to the past.He was thrusting inside me; it had felt like my insides were being ripped apart with the unadulterated force he applied.

Tears stung my eyes at that particular vision.

My screams of terror at the pain did nothing to hinder his movement. My hands moving without thought to grip his shoulder hard.

I shuddered in disgust.

I took the scrubber and began to scrub away all evidence of my defilement, of him ever touching, ever being inside me.

I said no,I thought as I scrubbed hard wanting to clean myself raw, I said no and I asked him to stop.

My skin burned with pain as the object scratched away at my body. I did not stop, the pain was welcomed. It distracted me from the flashes of memories that threatened to overwhelm me so. He should have stopped, no matter our agreement, no matter the deal. I asked him to stop and he should have stopped no matter the situation. That made it rape, I was raped. The tiny splinter-like pain combined with the bolts the lighting in my stomach in addition to the burning pain the scrub enticed had me crushing on the floor. I was under the showerhead, letting the cold water attack my body. I sat, my back upon the wall, my knees hugging my chest and remembered."No, stop please" I whispered as he drove himself inside me, fear descending upon me as I sobbed. It felt as though I would die in that moment with him on top of me moving inside me. His hands were rough, grabbing my breast while he grunted above me in pleasure. But my arms gripped his neck tighter, holding on for dear life.

Dammit, I said no.

I had to call the cops, I should call the cops. But even as I thought of it, I knew that I could not. I had made a deal, I had agreed to his proposition and to my never-ending disgust and utter shame, thought my lips said no, my body had screamed the opposite.

His attack did not soften but everything seemed to have changed somehow, his kiss from harsh to soft. Sensually his tongue stimulating my senses, his hands moving towards where our bodies met.

"Oh my God" I whimpered tightening my grip, twisting my body trying to stop my hips from moving. My urge to escape fought with this thrusting urge to drive him further still inside me. The pain was still there, but my body had long since accommodated the pain. Something new was happening in a place inside my body, a new thrilling sensation at the edge of the pain. My hips responding to the force he was inflicting on me, the clothes stinging my skin. My legs swung up to grip his hips, drawing him further, urging him deeper into me. His lips claimed mine again as he picked up speed, intensifying the moment as he took me for a rough but pleasurable ride. I responded, moaning at each thrust, inviting the penetration.He was like a force of nature, a typhoon whose waves brought on an onslaught of emotions from the surface down to the center of my soul, I found myself caught in a twisted combination of ecstasy, fear and pain. Then when I thought I would die in pleasurable agony, it happened. Like a star exploding in the center of my soul, I flew up high to the heavens and back, it felt like death and life, and everything impossible was taking place inside me. It was pure ecstasy, pure pleasure, and pure satisfaction.

I climaxed.

He got me off. I had an orgasm. I had allowed myself to get lost, get lost in the moment, and get lost in the sensations rocking my body. What was I? What did that make me? How could I? What kind of twisted person would get off in a situation like that? I was caught up in a whirlwind of conflicting emotions warring inside me, of the memory of him taking me to impossible heights. The water raining down on my body could not make me clean, it could not wash away the stench of shame in my soul. I sobbed harder, the hollowness inside my chest opening up even wider.

I do not know how long I sat on that shower stall, how long I cried or how long I kept replaying that horrible moment. Finally, the tears refused to come out. Though I did not want to, I knew I could not stay in there forever; I turned the water off and went out stopping to look at myself in the bathroom mirror. Black lifeless eyes stared back. I felt worse that I looked, I looked normal. My dark face round, small black freckles decorating the top of my nose. My braids were lose and hanging about my shoulders and back. I looked like me, so why the feeling that I was gazing at an absolute stranger. I walked down the hallway back to my room in a haze. When I got back to my room, I did the one thing I wanted to do all along.

I crawled in my bed, under my covers shutting myself from the world.

Chapter Three – Hope

"Oh you’ve got to be kidding me!"

I was sitting on my bed, in the wee hours of the night munching on a bag of Doritos knowing that I would not be able to go back to sleep. My clock had shown the time to be, unsurprisingly, about 2 am. I woke at the same time, night after night, and I seemed to have fallen into a pattern. I would wake up, try to bring my rapid heart back to normal, and clench my fingers tightly around my covers as I tried to shake the dreams away. Then I would turn the lamplight on, grab a bag of whatever snack I had placed on a table beside my bed and proceed trying to fill in a hole that probably could not be filled. I tried hard to be quiet, to be still, aware of the time. Aware that I was not the only person in that small room I called my own. However, it seemed that no matter how hard I tried; at times, it seemed an impossible feat. When I turned my head, stilling my moving fingers in the bag, I then met the sleepy unraveled face of my roommate.

The day after, I decided to shut myself from the rest of the world, and I slept. I slept for hours. A dreamless sleep and ironically enough it was the best sleep I had had for a long, long time. It felt as though I was floating on air in a vast plane of existence. A dark peaceful realm that was calming and comfortable. A sanctuary conjured up by my subconscious mind to help me recover from the tumultuous strain I had suffered. However, that day, that night was the last night I had a restful night’s sleep.

Night after night, I woke up.

I woke up drenched in sweat, heart pounding, breathless. I woke up feeling as though I had just run a marathon, as if I had been running for my life, as though I was trying to escape a danger that would lead to my ultimate demise. When I close my eyes, when I try to calm myself, all I see is this smothering darkness and I feel inside me this overwhelming sense of fear. I am haunted by the dreadful memories of that night. My unconscious self being attacked during my most fragile state, in the darkness of night.

I feel empty when I wake up. In the pit of my stomach, there is this void that cannot be filled. This indescribable hollow source ripped open and persistent in devouring my essence bit by bit. A hallow pit that cannot be closed. It is like being hungry, but without the hunger pains. I feel so vacant inside, as though my guts are no longer inside, there are no muscles or blood pumping through. Just this insatiable worm within, biting bit by bit the substances you try to fill the pit up to the brink with.

And I do.

Every night when I wake up, in the false tranquility of the hours of darkness, I eat. Mostly snacks, chips, pretzels, popcorn, etc… I try to fill up this empty space inside that is constantly present. Nothing works. Infact, it seems as though the opposite is happening, and that frightens me so.

"What the fuck?"

Elena eyed me, a look of shock suspended on her face. She glanced at the clock beside her, then at me, then back again at the time in disbelief. As though she could not believe her very eyes. It was an amusing sight to be sure, but her flabbergasted expression was disconcerting to say the least. It was the first time she had woken in the middle of the night to find me stuffing my face. I flung the hand holding the Doritos towards her.

"You want some?" I asked, acting as though once again that there was nothing out of the ordinary about her waking up in the middle of the night to find me awake eating like I hadn’t eaten for days.

"No" She said, shaking her head in denial, eyes flickers on and off sounding very much perturbed, "I don't want some. I want you to turn off the lights so I can go back to sleep"

I turned out the lights, and while Elena returned to her imperturbable slumber. I lay on my bed feeling anxious, there was no tossing and turning but my eyes adjusted to the dark and I couldn't help but just stare at the ceiling. It wasn't long before I heard the sound of Elena's snores occasional echoing the room. I tried to think of nothing, or think about anything else but... I tried to think about school, about the many assignments I had but that led to guilt. I was having a life, going to school, interacting with my friends while my brother was not. But thoughts of my brother always led to the one thing I didn't want to think about. So I would try and think about work, but I would always realize that I had a dead-end job that didn't pay much, and that led to the overwhelming hospital bills yet to be paid and that led to other things. I tried to clear my head but trying to do so was time consuming. Yet somehow the excise helped me sleep.

But it wasn't long before morning came and I welcomed the day. Because though my nights were horrid to say the least my days were better.

The day started out fine, the alarm rang and to my surprise Elena was already gone because I knew she was not a early riser. It did not feel like I had gotten any sleep at all and I felt exhausted. I took a shower, brushed my teeth, rinsed my mouth and left shower room feeling quite refreshed. It didn’t take me a long to find a presentable outfit, nothing glamorous. A pair of jeans, a simple gray t-shirt, and a jean jacket. Grabbing my assignments, I rushed to my first class. I had two classes the entire day, one was Modern Art and the next was Journalism with a three hour break in-between. It was just after I had finished my modern art class when I was going to the cafeteria to meet Delia when I heard my name being called.

"Ms. Jenkins"

The neutral lilt of the voice, the English accent that penetrated the air, the old-fashioned greeting bound me like a spell. It sounded like the remnant of an old dream, the sound of my last name being called in such a way. It did not sound quite real, just like then. I had hoped, perhaps foolishly, but I had hoped that it was over.

Holding my breath, I turned around. Standing in collected calm was a man of a certain age, a vision from the certain past. A thin older looking man donned in glasses, lanky and tall. Standing in front of a sleek black car, wearing a very expensive looking suit, and he was a very strange, an antithesis to the mundane surroundings but he possessed a strange aura that was utterly false.

"May I please have a moment of your time?"

I felt my heart drop to my stomach at the statement. It was all too familiar; this vision mirrored a visage of a previous encounter.

Thirteen days ago as the sun was just about to set, when dusk was about to greet the day, I walked down the sidewalk on campus my arm strung around the arm of my best friend Delia. We walked along with Yolanda, Delia's roommate, and the new addition of our little entourage Kathie. A girl I had met in my romance language course. I was laughing so hard, tears branding my eyes as Delia went on to describe how she cast off her latest beau with a new-outfitted pair of jeans decorated by a large quantity of pasta sauce. It was a wild story, completely exaggerated; the probability of it being true was very high. Then the conversation had turned to the newly discovered club that Delia just had to check out, because the world would end by fire and brimstone if she did not. And just like quicksand, the conversation turned to my participating in the get together. The participation was not a choice I was to make.

"You are coming Elyshia Jenkins and you are gonna have the time of your life, " Delia said with all seriousness entrenched in her face.

"Am I?" I asked and immediately regretted the teasing sound of my voice.

"Don't even" She said, bared her teeth nails digging into my skin. Her face held an expression that dared me to challenge her.

"Okay, okay" I quickly agreed because I was no fool and knew my continued existence depended on me doing as I was told. I somehow managed to get my arm back from her tight grip, wincing in pain. "Okay I'll meet you there"

It was there and then when my friends and I were making plans for that very night when I heard it.

"Ms. Jenkins"

It sounded the same then, just as calm and direct filled with an unusual mannerism that was beyond me. All of us turned to the sound of the voice, all of us to a stranger that we had never seen before.

"Ms. Elyshia Jenkins"

It was not a question but a statement, only directed so because of some unwritten conduct of etiquette, he was after all looking at me as he said my name.

"I’m Elyshia" I answered when honestly there really was no need.

"May I please have a moment of your time?" He questioned, in a grammatically correct and well-spoken manner that took me slightly by surprise. No one was that old fashioned.

"Sure thing," I answered, trying not to smile and turned to my friends, "I will see you guys later"

Kathie and Yolanda nodded in assertion but Delia stayed, her eyes narrowing in suspicion at this strange man who wanted a moment alone with me. She turned towards me, silently asking with her eyes if all was well. We had been friends for such a long time that it was possible for us to have telepathic conversation. I gave a slight nod, and I could see her hesitation before she left. It touched me that she worried for me so.

"What can I do you for?" I asked the older gentleman.

"I am here on the behest of Master Liam Caldwell" He said, "who would very much like to meet you"

"I am sorry I don't know a Liam Caldwell"

"He knows you" He said, and the way he said it made me pause and look at him in a whole new light. He turned and opened the car door and held it open for me, "please, if you will"

He didn't seem much like a threat but I knew I couldn't get in that car after all regardless of anything else, he was a stranger and my mama always told me never to get into cars with strangers. This guy was definitely strange.

"Right," I said drawing out the word and smiled, "I don't think so"

I turned to walk away, but before I could, he spoke the words that would change everything.

"It concerns your brother"

That was the first and last time I met him, and now here he was. I stood and looked at this seemingly harmless older man and couldn't help but feel I had been bamboozled. His timid appearance certainly made me choose a path that led to the encounter that had changed me everything.

"What do you want?" I asked in a biting voice, hard and striking. I wanted to stay calm but I could already guess to what his intentions were. He was Hermes in the flesh, and though I didn't want to persecute the wrong person I couldn't help but want to shoot the messenger. Was I fooling myself all this time? During the days, I was able to act as though everything was alright. I had pretended and pretended well but now it was turning up that my pretending was for nothing.

I thought it would be rather difficult, at first. At first, I did not think I could pull it off. I thought everything that happened to me would be so apparent, that it would be so obvious that I had fallen in sin. I prayed to god that it would not be so plain that I had finally given away my virtue. That it would not be so evident that I had degraded myself, given myself over to a stranger, had lain on a bed willingly while he used my body for pleasure. At first, I had thought that those that knew me well would know. However, it was not to be.

It seems as time passed, during the mayhem of passage of days, I would hardly think of that night. There was so much to do, school, work, assignments, exams, etc. I hardly had time to play, for clubs, and parties or social gatherings. Delia had ceased speaking to me for a long while, angry at the slight she perceives I made when I didn't show up at the club. It took forever to get her to start to speak with me again. Perhaps that is what helped me so.

Perhaps, the distractions given by the mundane of every ordinary day helped me forget. Or perhaps, by focusing on other aspects of my life, I was able to push the memories of that night out of my mind. Perhaps, it was because during the day I did not dwell on the un-pleasantries of the past, at night my subconscious self would not suffer me a restful night. And now it seemed that I couldn't pretend forever.

Hermes, as I had taken to call him turned to the car, and opened the door retrieving something. A creamy colored rectangular box that Hermes placed in my reluctant hands, as well as a gift bag. I could see shoes in the gift bag and looked at old Hermes in suspicious confusion.

"What is this?" I asked, feeling the pit in my stomach open up a bit.

"Master Liam would like to invite you for supper" He said.

12 days, 10 hours and 41 minutes was all it too and needless to say, my day was fast becoming the horror my nights had always been. I had known all along that I couldn't run away even though these past few days, hope had almost made me think otherwise.

Chapter Four – Resistance

"Strip"

The word was like thunder, and it kept echoing in the foundations of my mind. And along with that palpable voice was the tormenting vision of that life –altering night. The night of my first sexual escapade, in which I underwent a metamorphosis from a pure virginal young girl, innocent of the undaunted cruelties of the world, to an exploited vessel. Devalued and used. That night resulted in such a horrid experience that the idea of sex, nay the act itself no longer held the deep fascination that had kept me up many a nights. I had fantasies before about what my first time would have been like. In some honeymoon suite in some romantic country like Italy or France, with flowers decorating the bed. I fantasized a sweet, slow but passion embrace of two lovers made sweater still by knowing that the act was the culmination of that love. But alas, no….not even in my wildest dream. And now the first sexual experience of my life was bond to pain. Linked to the humiliating emotions I had suffered as I was manhandled in submission. His body, a pillar of immovable strength. And my weak body, yielding to the accurate stereotype of my sex. It was not something I wished to think much of, and I had done so well not to dwell too much on such matters during the daylights hours. Yet that serenity had been stripped away. After Hermes' message, I now could think of nothing but HIM and I could not concentrate on the present.

"Ely!!"

A shout penetrate the command echoing in my ears, and as I pushed the voice away and willed the images to disperse. I found myself surrounded by a crowd of people. It was as if I had created a bubble around myself. A universe in which that man and I were the only results. And that sexual dalliance was the center axis of said universe, the beginning, the end, and the middle. The Big Bang as it were. And that shout, it was a piercing needle, and pop goes the bubbled universe. So I was quickly introduced to tumultuous sounds and a hand in front of my faces snapping away. I drew back, leaning back in my chair as I gave myself time to recapture my equilibrium. To remember where I was.

"I am sorry" A voice grained in ice snapped, "Am I boring you?"

The hand disappeared and my eyes met the furious face of one Delia Dermont my best friend forever who really looked like she was seriously thinking of dismantling the forever part of that definition. I had decided to meet Delia on a little café a block away from school. It was a meeting days in the making, one I chose to attend regardless of Hermes’ shocking re-appearance. Regardless of the emotional turmoil caused by the invitation he had been sent to give. The gifts tucked away at the back of my closer, I hadn’t even opened them yet. That invitation was like a bucket of ice cold water being flung on my naked body waking me up from a dream.

Supper!!!

How could I even think of having a meal with the man who had stolen my virginity? Leaving me an unclean, impure soul in desperate need of salvation. May the Lord God, forgive me my sins. It was completely absurd, totally unthinkable, and utterly impossible. My face scrunched up in disgust at the thought of having dinner with HIM. I couldn't honestly even entertain the thought; it made me queasy and more than a little ill.

"Hey" Fingers snapped in my facial space once more, "What the hell?"

"Sorry" I said as soon as I blinked myself to awareness once. I tried to instill as much of my sincerity I could muster in the sound of my voice but all I was thinking was the farce that was my life.

"Did you even hear anything I said?" She asked her voice cold and her fire-bred eyes glaring at me in disapproval. The imploring sound of my voice apparently had no enchanting properties, she still seemed quite furious. Obviously I would have to grovel some more before I could even entertain the thought of being forgiven. For Delia, one’s inability to give her undivided attention was as grave as a sin. This was her world, she was queen bee, and everyone had better know and accept it.

"Of course I did" I said quickly, assuredly…if only I could remember what she was talking about. She raised her eyebrows at me, then crossed her arms across her chest and waited. She wanted a repeat of the conversation she had apparently been having one-sidedly with me while I was busy in the cluttered zone of my mind.

"You said something about…um, bludgeoning…someone…" I stammer as my mind tried to filter the cracked words that had penetrated my dazed state and muddled thoughts, "to death with a baseball bat"

"The chemistry TA" She said in an agreeable voice, her lips lifting up in disgust for a moment as if remembering a nasty encounter, and then she narrowed her eyes at me, "What happened? Where did you go?" She asked the demand for answers was obvious in her voice.

Where did I go? Well that was one loaded question if there ever was one. Had I had gone to the moon and back to earth, the answer would be oh so simple. Had I decided to run away to join a circus and become a clown, the answer would have made more sense. No doubt the explanation would have been more sane and sound. How could I answer? What could I say? That a man who had stripped me of my virginity, brutally and without any mercy whatsoever now wanted to have supper with me and that said man had paid me a boatload of money to pay for my brother's medical bill in exchange for sexual interludes. That I feared the interludes were far from over. That I was absolutely terrified for I feared that it was not so for him though I had hoped and wished so much to be wrong.

Foolish little girl with your foolish little wishes, a voice inside me sneered in disgust, with the amount of money he deposited in your account and you think one night would be enough. Oh yes, a part of me, small and hidden away in the far corner of my being, had expected the encounter I had with HIM to be far from over. Admittedly I had hoped for the best, grasping at an optimistic outlook, forcing my mind to denounce any and all pessimistic views. My future had seemly given so surely bright an impression.

"Ely" Delia whispered my name, calling me out of my reverie with a gentle voice so unlike her previous attempts to draw me back to the land of the living. One look at her face, and I felt a stab of guilt. She no longer glared, every inch of her face blanketed by worry.

"Are you okay?" She asked in her little girl lost voice, a voice that I didn’t get to hear often.

"I’m fine" I said, attempting a smile. It was a difficult feat when all I wanted to do was confess my sin and hope not for condemnation but forgiveness. When all I wanted to do was cry.

"You're not" She stated just as quickly, looking at me with a speculative gaze. This had been big mistake; I shouldn't have decided to have lunch with Delia. Not so soon after Hermes dropped his bombshell, not when my mind was wandering in dark grievous places and not when my emotions where rippling all over the place. I don't even know why I came; I should have rescheduled and given myself sometime to breath. Delia knew me. We had been friends for years, since high school. She would know that something was wrong. No, she couldn’t, I couldn’t let her find out.

"I have to go" I said, standing up unable to deal with her beseeching gaze any longer.

"Ely" She said, a look of hurt flashing across her face at my sudden movement. She watched as I gathered my things, not stopping, a glazed look coming upon her features. Now she was the one who was treating into her mind.

"I have a class in ten minutes." I said as a way of explanation, I hated that I was the subject of her concern and that I might have caused her pain in some form, "I am okay, really...it’s just regular stuff."

Giving her a small smile goodbye I turned and tried to manage making my way across the cafe. It seemed as though every college student had decided to come hang out. It was really crowded, I realized just as I made it to the door. I turned and saw Delia still staring at the seat I had just de-occupied, no doubt wondering what the hell just happened. Then in just seconds, she was no longer alone. A guy, white, average weight and height donning glassed arrived and was obviously, very much hitting on her. Delia had a kind of beauty that was utterly classical in every sense of the word. A pale, peaches and cream skin that was utterly flawless. Long dark raven hair that flowed down her shoulders in a classic wave, and she had big hazel eyes that turned to captivating colors in every light. She was also the type who would never be alone for long. I knew, just knew that someone would approach her. Distract her from whatever thoughts she was potentially having about me. I watched as Delia gave a charming smile waving to the seat I just left, the guy sat and the two started to talk. I reluctantly gave myself a mental clap on the back…mission accomplished? Still a part of me was sad; feeling betrayed by how easy it had been for her to forget about me. No, I thought to myself this was all for the best. I wanted to tell her. She was my best friend; I want to tell her everything and so much more. I wish I was brave enough to.

I made my way to the campus, all the way to the top floor for my journalism course. Professor Carringlan was an ex-journalist, with a PHD in Social Economics. A middle-aged white woman with a very lovely personage and thick urban hair. She was engaging, knowledgeable and her class was one of my favorites yet I could not pay attention to anything she was drabbling about. I wanted the class to be over and down, and I took my notes without really understanding what in the world she was talking about. And as soon as the class was over, I raced to my dorm-room. I dived into the closet as soon as I entered and grabbed on to the box Hermes had delivered.

I was restless

I couldn’t stop moving, back and forth I paced in the small space allocated between Elena’s bed and my own. I was morbidly anxious, image me biting my nails in frustration, imagine me wringing my head in despair. I was out of my depth, anxious and completely restless. I stopped for a second, turning to glare at my bed.

Laying there in all its glory was a gown, and below on the floor a pair of high heeled shoes. The gown was a short, pink silky formal wear that stopped just above the knees. Spaghetti straps, pink satin and silk to the touch. Smooth on the chest area then hunched into rippling waves all the way to the helm. The gown was very tasteful designed, beautifully crafted and no doubt would look astonishing on my shapely body. The shoes were a pair of Manolo Blahnik heels. White with a pink beaded rose tattooed on the surface. It was temptation in all its splendid form. I wanted very much to try everything on, see how it would look but I dared not even think it. And to think, I used to love pink as a child. One gift from the devil personified and all my childhood memories are now a bit tainted.

"Supper" I whispered to myself looking at the dress and shoes I was, no doubt, supposed to wear. The implication of me wearing that beautiful, alluring gown, one that looked too much like something a famous person would wear and no doubt a dress I could never afford in this lifetime or any other I might have was too much to bear.

Supper my ass, I thought to myself as I came to a decision. It was so simple; I could not believe it took me this long to realize the basic truth. I did not have to go. I would not go. It was a strong willed choice that even my inner voice could not argue with. I returned the dress back into the box, and grabbing the shoes decides to discard the items in my closet. I was glad, and proud of myself for remembering that I had a choice in the matter, that even though I owed this man money, a lot of money, money that would take me months to pay back and even though I had agreed to perform whatever act he wished…I could simply refuse, resist.

Yes, that small voice came back to bite and dripping with a belittling snide, because this is the kind of man you can say no to because saying no has worked well for you before.

"Please...no...Stop"

The whimpering voice rang in my head, my weak and pleading voice before I had my hymen ripped apart and experienced a pain like no other. I couldn't stay in this room, with only my macabre thoughts or my unpleasant memories for company. I grabbed my cell from the top of my bed but stilled my hand. The one person I wanted to hang out was in all probability mad at me. Delia was not known to be the pleasant sort when she was feeling snubbed. On the off chance, that she was not at all angry, there was also the probability that she would be expecting an explanation. One I was not yet willing to offer so instead I dialed the next best thing.

"Hello," The tired voice of Kathy Palmer.

"Do you want to go clubbing" I asked skipping the customary greeting on my part. There was a momentary silence of the other end. And I knew why since we met, she had been the recipient of my latent dismissal of clubs, drinking and anything that the good Lord would no doubt view as the devils temptations. My grandmother's scripture-inspired lectures had long since taken foot in the center of my spirit. It used to take some arm twisting and threats provided by the very fearsome Bestie who seemed to think it was her mission nay her duty to tempt and influence my frigid good girl image. Put I was no longer a good girl.

"What" Kathy asked, her voice raising an octave, "Tonight?"

"Yep" I said, a frown slipping on my face. Good save, not dialing Delia, do doubt this request would have raised sirens and then I would be in trouble.

"I can't" She said with a hearty sigh, "I have an exam tomorrow"

"Oh" Was all I said. She of course was the just the first call on my list, and every call ended in the same way. There was an obstacle of some kind, some had had, others had to study, last minute assignment due to procrastination, or an essay to rewrite, or an exam that one needed to cram. Every call ended the same way, with me completely and utterly dateless. It was as though the universe had chosen to pick sides and it was not in any way mine. I decided then after the trying and exhausting endeavor of looking for a distraction that I would go hide...study at the library, instead of staying in my room and arguing with my mind. That was the first sign of insanity after all. So the library it was, I took a short cold shower, a few sweats donned moment later and I began my stroll to the library. The time was about 7:30, and winter's chilling air was just at the beginning stage. I had nothing to me by my phone, iPod and kiss. The library's stayed open well until midnight on weekdays and I was determined to stay hidden...studying until such a time I would need not to be.

"Ms. Jenkins"

Yes, the universe was definitely conspiring against me. I was pulled out of my deep thoughts, and I found myself in a familiar scene. Hermes was standing front of me once again. This was getting absolutely ridicules, just about passiing the realm of the absurd. His presence pushed any incredible, preposterous supposition in the back of my mind.

"How long have you been here?" I asked. Good Lord the man couldn't have been here all day had he? Why? Waiting for me? What a daunting thought.

"A long time" Came the calm answer.

"Why" I asked, although I had a good guess.

"I am to escort you to master Liam for your evening meal" He said as though it was the obvious answer to my inquiry. Obviously.

Of course he was, I thought bitterly. So much for the plan to hide away or the dusty corner of the library until the end of my days.

"Right" I said then took a deep breath not willing to go down without a fight, "About that, I ...don't think I will be able to make it to dinner, I mean I have a lot of things to do, a plate full of things that needed to get down, like exams, assignments, essays that I need to write, so I don't think. I doubt that I have time for silly little things like food and stuff, you understand don't you"

I took a deep breath, silence descending upon us like willowed feathers. I chanced a glance at this older, completely harmless looing man and I was surprised to find his face as unreadable as before. There was no reaction to decipher, his face as expressionless as before. No raised eyebrows at my hurried, longwinded state. No flabbergasted cracks on his facade. He was still like a stone walls, a statue was immobility without quite frankly unnerving.

"You understand don't you?" I asked again convinced that he was not going to say another word.

"Yes," He said, his answer surprised me for sure. And I had a meeting hope that perhaps I could escape my fate. "I understand perfectly, just as I am sure you understand just how beneficial it would be to your brother should you come with me."

Well well well and there it was in crystal clear clarity. The checkmate, the winning card. It surprised me quite honestly that he hadn't started this conversation by mentioning my brother. I suppose he had believed that it really did not need saying. It left me more than a little perturbed, unable to see a light at the end of this dark tunnel that had suddenly become my life.

Chapter Five – Memories

There was silence.

Nothing by silence, a reigning silence, a deafening silence, that permeated the air in this tightly closed compartment. There was no music, no conversations; all was really quiet in this western front. I was riding in the backseat of a shiny black car that had been sent to me. Had this been any other moment in time, had this been anything but what it was, I would have looked at this engine-propelled carriage of the modern age with rose-colored glasses. No doubt it was an expensive piece of machine. Impressive really, the way the wheels seemed to glide on top of the city-streets as though gliding on air. The spacious invigorating anterior with comfortable leather seats almost lured me into a false sense of security.

Almost being the operative word.

The fact was thus, there were two other people in the vehicle making it impossible for me to relax. Hermes, the bearer of bad news, thankfully was sitting on the passenger seat, in front and away from me. I was unhappy, and I was entirely sure my feeling was embedded on my face. I was angry; I doubt he would have appreciated my glowering eyes that had I possessed x-ray vision would no doubt burn holes on the back of his seat as we rode onward to my doom. I was still donned in my sweats, having refused to change into the items HE had sent for me. I tried to distract my self by looking outside the window to the city streetlights that illuminated the night sky. It was brazenly beautiful. I leaned against the window pane, breathing the fresh night air, and I tried not to think about what would happen soon. But because I forced my mind not to think of the future, my thoughts instead drifted to the past.

"It concerns your brother"

Thirteen days ago, a little after the sun had sat I found myself in the same inescapable situation that I find myself in the present. Riding in the backseat of a car sent to me by a stranger, with Hermes sitting in the front accompanied by a very different driver. In my mind, all I could think about was Ty and what this stranger, this Liam Caldwell, who I had never heard of, had to do with my brother. I had tried to talk to the man sent to me, wanting to know more about this man who so much wanted to see me and talk to me that he had deemed to send a car and my very own guide. But all I got was misdirection, I was more than curious, and I don't think I was thinking at all about how stupid and moronic it was to get into a car with strange men and going for a ride.

I had just lost my senses as soon as my brother was intently placed in the conversation. The car stopped in a high-style neighborhood in front of a dark-illuminated building and followed my guide in through the doors. There was a doorman who opened the door for us, pretty high class. There was also a desk-agent, as though this was some sort of corporation that needed to monitor the people that came in and out. The desk agent was a man with olive skin who did give me a look, a look I absolutely ignored as I moved past him to the elevators.

"Is Mr. Caldwell a doctor or something?" I asked as we rode up the elevator, hoping that I would at least have this question answered, if felt really as though I was talking to a stonewall.

"He is not a physician" Hermes answered, his face looking at the elevator door.

"Then what does he have to do with my brother?" I asked, feeling confused and confounded.

"He only wishes to help" Hermes spoke once more and then fell silence, a silence that lasted forever.

That made no sense to me at all, how could this man who wasn’t a doctor help my brother? What could he do or offer that expects hadn’t offered? But what could he do? I would do anything to help my brother. The elevator stopped at the top floor, the penthouse. There were two doors as we got out that I could see, one on the left and another on the right. My guide turned to the right, and gave a knock before completely opening the door. I tried right away to curb my curious by peeking through this tall man in front of me. I couldn’t but it was all well because my curious did not take long to be curbed.

"Ms. Jenkins to see you, sir"

"Oh yes" The accent of an Englishman vibrated in the air, beautiful and foreign.

It was a sexy voice, I thought to myself as I walked into the apartment and the voice completely gave the right impression of the owner.

"Come in" The Englishman said, a man who was vaguely familiar to me, man who was I could only assume was Liam Caldwell who was seating in a velvet couch with his legs crossed. I had never seen him so close before, I had never thought for a second that I would have had the opportunity to do so. I had to admit, ashamed as I was to have thought it, that I found him quiet the attractive specimen. "Please seat"

I did as I was directed, choosing to seat opposite him in a love seat. I was staring, and even though knowing how terribly rude it had to be I could not help myself. He didn’t seem to find my trance-like gaze as disturbing as I did at that moment. Probably because, and there was no doubt in my mind, he was used to this kind of attention and admiration.

"Would you like a spot of tea" He asked, trapping my eyes in his gaze and my breath hitched as he did, finding his deep blue eyes an ocean that I could drown in. There was a momentary silence, and only the slight movement of his left eyebrow rising broke what I could only assume to be a spell of some kind.

"No, thank you" I answered quickly as soon as my brain caught up with the question he had asked.

"Coffee then?"He said, his tone undoubtedly a question mark, for some reason I found myself unable to answer having lost not just my senses but the sound of my voice as well. I shook my head as an answer, "Some water then perhaps" Again all I could provide was a shake of the head, at that he looked above my head, "you may go"

I had all but forgotten that we weren’t alone and when I turned Hermes was walking out, the door slammed shut.

Like a bang, my mind rewinding that moment, the moment the door slammed shut sealing me to my inescapable fate. And I was reliving that moment in my mind, wishing that I could turn time to that unpreventable instant, stand up and run out with my sanity and body intact. But how could I have known then what I know now? All I could do now was try not to cry over the spoiled milk. It was shameful to think, to admit to myself that I had found him attractive. That his outer appearance, his beauty, had placed me under an inexorable spell then and that I had certainly felt something inside me. If at that time, he had shown any type of remediable qualities, had he been kind or thoughtful perhaps I would have given myself and given my body without the mental aguish that now seemed to attack my mind, devouring my harsh relentless thoughts. There was no doubt why I didn’t want to go to this supper. I was afraid…

 

"How curious?" His alluring voice entered my subconscious once again, drawing me in the images that played out in my mind, like sequences of a movie. His gaze was direct and steady and it made my body flash in heat, made my heart race, and my throat hot. I suddenly wished I had taken him up at that offered of a cup of water.

"I'm sorry" I said, baffled by his choice of words, "What's curious?"

"You" He said leaning towards me, his legs uncrossed. "Don't you want to know why you are here?"

"Why am I here?" I asked in a whisper, feeling the temperature in the room rise.

"Why do you think you are here?" He retaliated with a question of his own.

"The man that brought me here said that you can help my brother" I said, unsure all the sudden.

"Then I am afraid there had been a misunderstanding" He said, "I'm not a doctor"

"He said that too" I said back.

"Yet here you are" He stated, bemused at my expense. I felt as though I was being tested all the sudden, as though I had been apprehended under false charges and suddenly his blinding beauty was fading. And I felt a surge of irritation.

"Look Mister" I said, my voice calm and steady regardless of the impatient feelings swirling inside of me, "My brother is sick, very sick, there is a something wrong with his heart and I see him struggling to breathe on his own whenever I see him, he is just a little boy and he is in pain. If you can help, I will...I am willing to do anything"

"Anything" He repeated, and then leaned back giving me a look, a strange look, one that had taken me a while to identify. The look of a predator, of a scorpion before it decided to sting, of a poisonous snake before it decided to strike, of a wild lion before showing its biting teeth. "That is quite the dangerous word"

I drew in a breath as I remembered that look, gasping in air to my hot lungs. The twinkling lights of the now empty streets seemed to have dimmed along with the path of my thought and the illicit charm of Edison’s invention, the fascination of it all escaped me for a while. It seemed to me as I thought more and more about my destination, and the past that revealed the hidden blunders of my future, that the brightness of the city lights would dim as we passed each and every pole. Tendrils of shadow descending from the heavens, from the earth and appearing seemly from the very air itself, simmered into view, depressing me with the darkness. It seemed as if time was slowing down, no…not the time, the car. Finally we had reached our destination. The car stopped, and Hermes got out and opened the door for me. I glanced out, feeling the cool air entering the warm interior of the car. I sighed, trying to gather the courage that I knew I had deep down inside me and got out.

It looked like an old-fashioned building, like an old-world apartment that was only three stories high. There was a fancy sign on top of the double doors with the words QUALITY on top in silver italics. I glanced back at the car; the driver who I hadn't given much thought too was staring right at me. Blond hair, blue eyes, and younger that I thought. He gave me a smile but I didn't feel much like reciprocating. Hermes opened the door for me, gesturing for me to go inside first. I walked to find a stand holding a book and two concierges. Thin, white, wearing black suit that included a skirt, white blouse, and suit jacket. One had blond hair and the other black hair, each tied to the back in an immaculate ponytail. They were very pretty, some might say beautiful, a representation to what QUALITY was all about. Both wore these half-smiles that fell away as soon as I walked in. I could feel both of them looking at me, up and down perusing my attire while I was looking down a hallway. The floor was covered in a dark purple carpet; the silvery/blue walls were lined by hanging sconces that somewhat lighted the way.

 

"Good evening ma'am, welcome to QUALITY" The blond one said, opening her big black book, "Do you have a reservation?"

"Does she look like she has a reservation?" The black haired woman leaned towards the blond and whispered, or at least she thought she had but I did hear her. The turned to me a fake face plastered on her face, "Do you need any help? Can we help you get somewhere? The subway perhaps?"

It was a surreal moment really and honestly took me by surprised. It was like the cherry to top my already shitty day to have a woman, one I had never met before judging me with just one look. It hit me hard and I felt a flush of anger, I could have said something or done something. I did think about doing something, feeling a surge of violence. Indeed I even took a threatening step intending to do something, I am not sure what exactly I could have done but before I could even process my options Hermes walked in.

"Is there a problem Ms. Jenkins?" He asked giving the black haired woman a look, and I knew that he had heard her statement.

I wondered if that was a valid question, because it was then yes there was a problem and dealing with some thin little twit with a big mouth and small brains was like the least of my problem. I wanted to say that but all I did to express my inner fury was to snap my head at him, my eyes flashing something fierce. I must have looked like medusa because I could have sworn that he actually took a half-step back. I blamed him for this situation I found myself in. If he hadn't approached me that day? I took a sigh, closing down the many tirades going on in my head.

"No" I finally said, and looked back at the woman and smiled, "Nothing worth a damn, that’s for fucking sure"

"Please escort Ms. Jenkins to Master Liam's table" He said, "Not you Elisa"

Elisa the brunette was about to lead before she was stopped. The look on her face was like one of the damned and for a moment there I felt sorry for her. I started thinking for all the horrible things that could happen. That maybe she could lose her job, get drunk, meet someone for a one night stand and wind up pregnant and then have to quit college and next thing she is living in a run-down apartment crawling with rats and cockroaches. And interesting enough, my conscience refused to give a damn as I followed Blondie to my doom. I did start to wonder just why Hermes seemed to have a bit of power here. My thoughts flew out of my head as we came to an opening as I was suddenly overwhelmed by the vision before me. The room was littered with circular table, white tables for two with flickering candles in the middle. The room was brilliantly beautiful, and on the right was a small stage in which a few musicians played the most romantic of music.

And there were people

A lot of people, all couples, and from the passing glance I took on the whole, all white. A room filled with white couples, wearing evening gowns and looking at me as I passed by as though I was an extra-terrestrial. And I was, wearing my sweats, with my brass braids tied behind my back, with my dark skin; I might as well be an alien. I had never felt more like an outsider. Suddenly Elisa's statement had merit because I could feel the eyes, and I could only speculate the judgments running through. I felt foolish, unsure of myself. I wished that I had instead worn the gown HE had sent to me; maybe then I wouldn't have to feel like I had just stepped into another planet. I followed Blondie, my steps caught between wanting to rush past the tables so I wouldn't have to feel those strange eyes on me and wanting to drag my feet so I didn't have to reach HIM. I didn't have anything planned; my heart was beating so fast and my body tingling with nerves. Finally the concierge slowed as we got to the circular hidden alcoves at the back of the room, we went up the sandstone steps then passed the four alcoves, almost hidden from the customers in the main floor. The alcoves were small, hidden but still housed the same table with candles, only more private and intimate and empty. Then we reached the final alcove, and the concierge stopped at the opening looking at me expectantly. I took a deep breath and a step.

There HE was...

The devil himself, the monster I had been dreaming about for the past two weeks. The man that had ruthless taken my virginity, and paid me for it. He was seating, turned away from me so the first thing I saw was his back. Then Blondie spoke, calling his name and he turned. His deep ocean eyes met my brown eyes and oh my, did I suddenly feel faint. And I suddenly knew why I was so afraid of seeing him again.

I was still drawn to him.

Chapter Six – Contract

"Elyshia"

He breathed out my name, his velvet soft voice still the same, as I remembered, flawlessly smooth as he uttered my name. The syllables that constructed my name echoing around the small space, travelling through the air and washing over my body. Just his utterance of my name, the sound of his voice ignited all kind of reactions inside me that both terrified and surprised my by their intensity. I quivered and took another deep breath but it did no good. His eyes flickered up and down my body, perusing my clothing with his powerful gaze and I stilled myself while still tilting my chin up in defiant way, waiting at what I was sure would be a querulous result, an angry response to my seemly disobedience but none was forthcoming. It didn't seem as though my rebellious actions surprised him at all. If anything, it was possible that he was simply amused. A hint of a smile touched up his rosy pink colored mouth. He stood up, a stunning giant donned in a tieless fine black suit with a white shirt. Holy Mary, mother of our Lord, by God he really was a fine piece of specimen. He was big however, and it took all I had in me not to flinch or back away as he stepped towards me, gazing down at me as his eyes flashed with intensity I could not wholly define painted in the indigo irises of his eyes. I was captured under the fiery azure of his corneas, a spell that seemed to encompass me whole. I was utterly lost under his scrutiny, overwhelmed in his uncomfortable presence, and intimidated by his inexplicable stare that I had to turn away unable to look at him any longer. It was just then that I thought perhaps I had lost. That a battle had just occurred, a war of wills momentary fought with our eyes being the battle ground and by turning away, somehow I had lost.

"Please" He said ever so politely, taking my palm into his and led me around the rather small table and pulled out my chair like a gentleman of the old world would. The concierge turned and left, leaving just me, myself, and him.

I was hesitant, he was too close and my heart was beating a mile a minute, fear and excitement intertwined in a combative battle. Fear, however was winning by a landslide and I coward that I was decided to do as he wished, planting my ass firmly to the seat indicated. I waited for him to move to his seat but he stayed. He said nothing standing there beside me but I could feel the heat of his gaze boring into my frigid, rigid form. My thoughts were more than a little jumbled, unable to think properly in his close proximity, my heart hammering away, and filled at the brink with apprehension. Unable to tolerate our stalemate any longer, I turned and looked up to him intent on asking HIM to take a seat but if anything, that move was a mistake. For a moment there, I lost the ability to breath, my heart stopped with a petrified thought.

I shouldn’t have sat down.

While he had been a giant when I was standing up, now that I had sat down the effect was even worse. He was a rock; a hard pillar of strength in human form, huge like a mountain and eclipsing everything else in sight, my eyes unable to see anything else around me but him. I remembered that strength, holding me down, evading all attempt to escape his grasp. He looked down on me, his eyes once again perusing the sweatpants and sweatshirt I had worn when I made the choice to hide from him, to evade this daunting reunion. He leaned down and I tried to back away feeling very much like a cornered mouse, but that was an impossible feat.

"I am glad you could join me, Elyshia" He said, his face close to mine, his hands gripping the arms of my chair and holding me hostage in a tiny prison. I refused to look at his face, in his eyes and instead focused my attention at a slight opening at the top of his shirt that revealed the unblemished blush of an apricoted pink chest. His right hand moved and touched the collar of my sweatshirt lightly before moving onwards to grasp my chin with his fingers. Gently he tilted my chin up until I was looking into the oceanic hue of his eyes once more.

"You look unraveled Ms. Jenkins" He said, "Did the gown not fit?"

At first I did not reply. Instead I staring into his eyes trying to read them but that was completely impossible, utterly improbably, and there was something about his eyes, simply alluring. I felt myself enthralled, captivated by those eyes that his question all by escaped my mind. And he was so close I could inhale his smell, his scent was refreshing, with a hint of aftershave and some other masculine smell I could not identify.

"I don't know" I said in a barely audible voice, my eyes flickering briefly to his lips and before I knew it the room was moving, the space between us expiring, our faces drawing closer, closer and....

NO!

IDIOT!!

A voice screamed in my mind, my voice tearing me out of my disconcerting actions and bringing me back to reality. Yes, I was an idiot. I had found myself in a very odd position; our faces inches apart, our lips close a position that was the direct result of my actions. In full mode panic, I ripped myself away from his hold, I drew my head escaping from his fingers. Shocked to the core by what had just happened, by what I had almost done. The room hadn’t moved then…it was a shame, an utter shame because to It was me, not the room.

I had moved.

I couldn’t look at him; I didn’t want to know what he thought about what had almost happened. I didn’t want to see the look on his face. This was completely unreasonable, ludicrous to the tenth degree. How could I, Elyshia Jenkins, almost kiss HIM, out of my own free will? No it was not of my own free will. My body had betrayed me yet again, somehow my body was predisposition, designed to react in a chemical level in response to Liam Caldwell. I had to resist this obvious attraction or I would surely lose myself. If anything was to take place between the two of us as it was becoming impossible to deny this undeniable fact. If it was to happen however, if I was going to partake in this sinful venture, it couldn’t be because I had lost all sense of right and wrong. It wouldn’t be because I had initiated it. I will not encourage these gratuitous wicked liaisons, not now and certainly not ever.

"You didn't like it" He spoke again and with a start I realized he was no longer leaning towards me. Indeed he had moved back to his side of the table, the door behind him, my only escape. He was looking at me, with a beseeching eyebrow raised. I was confounded with utter confusion for a moment, what did I not like? Could it be possible he was talking about our almost kiss?

Goodness gracious surely not.

"The gown" He said after a moment of silence.

"Oh" I said, relieved that he was talking about that instead of what almost taken place a few moments ago. I didn't want to acknowledge what I had almost initiated and gave a small shrug, "Pink is not my color"

"I see" He said nothing for a moment, just looking at me, staring at me intently as if he knew the truth, the truth I was trying desperately to hide. I could feel those eyes boring into me but I refused to look into his eyes again, those eyes were dangerous. "Well then I guess now I know"

He was still staring, and I was looking at anything and everything but him. The room that separated us from the outside world was very tiny, intimate; the walls were a shade of red the color of passion and romance. But red represented violence as well didn't it? My thoughts were obviously not on romance, this wasn’t romance, and this was something else entirely. Our first meeting had already set the standard to what the future would hold. This was not a date although it was starting to feel so much so like one. The round table was white; a glass-rose container wielding candlelight, a banquet of pink, white and red roses decorated the middle of the table. There was also a stand with a bottle of wine in a silver place holder. He took the bottle of wine and poured some in his wine glass then glanced at me again raising the bottle up a little, I shook my head in response to the unasked question just the waiter, a young man, walked in the room.

"I hope you don't mind but I ordered for the both of us" He said, just as the waiter placed the plate of food in front of me.

"A glass of water please" I said to the waiter and said nothing at all in response to his statement, wondering to myself whether or not it would matter if I did mind. He didn’t seem like the type of person to consider other people. From what I knew about Liam Caldwell, which wasn’t much really, he was the kind of man who did what he wanted, when he wanted, and offered no apologies whatsoever.

"Its pasta" He said when I made no move to eat, "made fresh right here at Quality, it’s rather brilliant to say the least, I am sure you will enjoy it"

There was a moment of silence once again; uncomfortable silence that descended upon us in this close knit space when the waiter left us alone and we started to eat. He was right, it was good, fresh made pasta with a drizzle of parmesan cheese and it tasted like heaven on earth. I had never in all my life… still he was wrong, I could not enjoy the food, it was a battle, a constant battle. Suddenly I wished I was back in the car, at least in the car I wasn’t trying to protect myself from the one foe I wasn’t sure I could win against.

It was awkward to say the least.

No, awkward couldn’t begin to describe the feeling that washed over the small room. Sitting opposite the man to whom I had given my virginity too. I suppose it would have been more comfortable had I been in love with him, perhaps if I knew little more about him than his name and his country of origin. Perhaps even more so had this been more than a proposition, forced to give my body to a stranger, the most important part of who I was, my very being reduced to nothing more that the summation of ones and zeros. If only that night had been the beginning and an ending, perhaps I would have pushed the unpleasant memory aside, but even with the days passing I knew, though I made it my absolute mission not to dwelt on the inevitable, on wishes upon the powerless stars, I knew that my dealings with Liam Caldwell was not at all finished. A proposition had been made, money had passed hands, figuratively speaking, and a contract struck. It was all my doing, and therefore I forced myself to eat, trying so hard not to look at the man opposite myself although I could feel his eyes on me, constantly on me, from the moment I entered his domain.

"Do you mind?" I finally worked up my nerve to say, a whisper that broke the tense silence. I was unable to take it any longer. I was trying, hard as I could to hold myself together feeling as if I would burst. I was barely able to sit still let alone force myself to keep taking one bite after another. I chanced a glance at his direction and I was pleased to see that my words had some effect. He was no longer looking at me. I breathed a sigh in relief, my heart even felt lighter inside my chest in momentary calmness. Giving myself an invisible pat on my back, I turned my attention back to my singular feast.

"You’re not pretty"

I froze my hand, holding the fork still from further twisting about, the words vibrated in the air as I slowly raised my head to look at him, my eyes blinking furiously, wondering if I had heard him right. Had I been drinking, I probably would have spluttered my drink all over in a rather unforgiving embarrassing manner shocked as I was.

"Wha...um, what" I said slowly as thought I had misheard him. He looked up at me, our eyes meeting and I forced myself not to turn away.

"You're not pretty" He said again with brutal bluntness and no hesitation at all to his words. His cold inference in regards to my physical appeal was more than a little offensive to say the least but my tongue was catch up on my throat. I had lost all ability to speak at the moment. "Not really now that I've in fact looked at you I find that you leave much to be desired, and you are a novice, an innocent little virgin. I so loathe virgins, virgins get attached too easily"

I was silent as he spoke, his voice did not waiver at all through out his little speech and I turned away losing the battle once again, feeling overwhelmed, momentary submerged in many emotions that I could not understand. I felt hurt by his words; there were little swords, daggers that pieced a piece of me when uttered. It did not seem as though he was being perversely cruel, not by his tone alone but I couldn't be sure. I wanted to understand the supposition of this discourse but just thinking about his words, trying to understand them was like trying to find a way out of a labyrinth. I was breathing hard.

"I am not a virgin anymore, remember" I finally said just to say something, I was proud of myself at keeping my tears at bay.

"That’s neither here or there" He said, waving his hand dismissively then leaned forward a little, "There is more than one way to be a virgin sweet Elyshia, cause that's what you are, isn't it?"

"I wouldn't exactly say that" I said in denial, taking a sip of water, wondering what he was going with this entire conversation.

"And modesty" There was a hint of mockery in his voice, his lips twisting in what could have been a smile, "a rare find indeed still...you should have told me" He turned his full blazing gaze on me, the anger was blatantly conspicuous even with his sugar coated sweet voice, "I am no mind reader and honestly in this day and age, how many woman are still pure after their 20th birthday, hell after their 16th..."

Oh I see, this is my fault.

At least that’s what it seemed; he was blaming me for this entire situation. I felt my insides of my stomach tighten in disbelief, I couldn't even hear the rest of his words as he spoke, I closed my eyes and blinked the tears away, and my fingers tighten its grip on the fork and knife. As the images of that night filtered in.

"You should have used those lovely lips of yours to string a sentence or two about your sexual status perhaps we would not find ourselves in this delicate situation perhaps I might have been inclined…"

"I said no" I interrupted him with a hardness that was obvious, my voice no longer weak or quiet, but instead fused in anger. I opened my eyes and looked at him in the eyes, glad for once that his eyes did not make me waiver, "I asked you to stop, you didn’t"

There was a pause after my accusation as he looked at me, studied me in a fierce moment.

"No I didn’t" He said with no slight apology, as though what he had no reason to do so. And the rage inside me intensified.

"You seemed to know so much about me" I said, barely able to hid the anger that was boiling inside, "My family, my likes, my dislikes, my habits, you had an entire file with specific notifications about my life so how was I supposed to know you wouldn't know? Because I'm sure as hell not a mind reader either am I?"

I ended my statement with a mini-shout, borrowing from his earlier remark then waited for the backlash.

"Not just sweet then such bitter words from such a pretty mouth"

"What do you want?" I asked, I had had enough, first I wasn't pretty, then I was sweet, now pretty again but all those insults were nothing in the scale of things. But being blamed, as though I had approached him, propositioned him, asked him to give me money, or offer myself, offer my services to him was just too much. Too much for me to bear in the moment.

"You know what I want" He said.

"Why?" I asked, my voice choking on the laughter and tears, shaking my head because the hilarity of the situation had taken its toil, "You took a closer look at me and I leave much to be desired"

"Good thing then that the darkness of night can hide all manner of imperfections" He said taking a sip of wine, then gave a nod in my direction, "I prepaid for you sweet Elyshia, 15000 dollars, and you will hold you end of the deal"

There was no need to read between the lines of that statement, no need to elaborate at what would be the ramifications should I decide to negate of the deal. I had used the money already to pay part of the hospital bills.

"I am here aren't I" I reminded him though I really had no choice.

"Yes, yes you are" He said, then smiled.