The cobalt blue satin outfit I was wearing had me feeling like the life of the goddamn party. My confidence was through the high-beamed ceilings of the packed venue; radiating over the heavy beats of some of the latest trap music. I knew my pretty ass was giving off all the best energy. After showing my ID at the entrance and paying the 50 dollar entry for unlimited mimosas and the brunch buffet, I'd breezed over to the bar and showed the bartender my exclusive wristband to be served my first champagne flute.

While I'd waited for my friends to text that they'd arrived I adjusted the spaghetti straps of the cami crop top, and straightened the light silver chains around my necklace using the front camera of my smartphone to see my reflection. It was a brisk Saturday afternoon, but I'd chosen not to pair a jacket with my satin ensemble. Overall, the outfit clung to my body accentuating the tight curves that I'd bust my ass for in the gym. Ten hot pink toes and the clear straps of a pair of heeled sandals peaked from under the hem of the straight legged pants that came up mid-belly. My breasts were pushed up and on display in the straight-bodice crop top.

It was my first night out in months and I needed to look and feel like a baddie, the eye contact I'd made as I'd sauntered to the bar was the attention I had been missing out on in my self-isolation. The ebony finger waves I'd been practicing and growing accustomed to in the last month since my haircut were actually on point for once. So I was feeling myself... especially after the first few sips of a crisp champagne and orange juice combination.

I peeped my notifications to see my girls had updated me on their whereabouts. I hated that they hadn't arrived yet because all of the jams were playing and I could barely contain my hips from mutedly swaying as I two-stepped. If it wasn't for the alcohol my nerve would slowly be slipping. I usually felt exposed when I was in public alone, so the confidence I wore was a little rehearsed.

To my left the decent space between me and another day party attendee was filled by a masculine presence that tore my attention away from the varying bottles of liquor and the professional basketball game on the big screen. His elbows were on the bar and his hands were clasped in front of him. Even though I was five foot two and almost everyone was larger than me, the way his tall frame occupied the space beside me was noted. 

I could sense he was just my fucking type.

But I wasn't here for that... Which is why I didn't chance a glance up at his face to confirm my speculation. I was three hours away from home in the city I'd graduated from university in- not to link up with random niggas, but to celebrate the results of the bar exam I'd taken over the summer. My attention was focused on the game; at least I had a passing interest in basketball. To be honest, he was actually too close for comfort; distributing an energy that my body couldn't help but feel attracted to. And even more intense than my body's reaction was the fact that I could feel his eyes on my profile. I reached for my mimosa and tipped it to my lips for another sip.

"Excuse me... I don't wanna disturb your vibe- trust me, I know how important basketball is, but uh- do I know you from somewhere?"

Lord, he was talking to me. His voice was loud enough to hear over the music and chatter, but low enough to float into my ear intimately.

Firm, confident, and... familiar?

I glanced back down at the hands clasped on the bar; the long handsome fingers, the beginnings of insanely artistic sleeve tattoos peaking from under his cuff, his powerful, magnetic presence... 

I turned my upper body to face him and was not at all surprised by the eruption of nerves that immediately bursted throughout my core. His soft chocolate gaze was scrutinizing as he pretended like he was trying to place me in a memory... But he knew exactly who I was.

Deciding to play along I smiled and fluttered my wispy false eyelashes, "I'm not sure. I think I'd definitely remember a face like yours."

He scoffed, giving me a quizzical look, "Are you tryna say I'm fine?"

God yes. He was looking even more fine than he had the last time I saw him six months ago. The caramel skin of his face was glowing and well moisturized. He had a hint of gold to his tone as if he'd found and basked in the perfect pocket of sun even though it was the dead of winter. His waves seemed to be crafted by Poseidon himself. The gold chain resting around his neck glistened in the bright sunlight streaming in from the massive windows of the venue. I allowed myself to give his outfit a once over leaning back just slightly to note his fitted black jeans, the white tee with graphic black markings beneath a light-wash jean jacket. His shoes were crisp and white like he'd bought them just for today or got around by floating on a fucking cloud. My eyes moved back to his face, where he was watching me take him in with a smug, handsome smile.

"I mean... I'm just tryna see if I can make your head get a little bit bigger than it already is." I teased, crossing my arms under my breasts and smirking in return.

When he chuckled at my jab his cheeks dimpled and the corners of his eyes wrinkled, "You always got some slick shit to say." He countered.

"Oh so now you know me, huh?"

The deep tan of his face flushed and he licked his bottom lip before pulling it between his teeth. When he wordlessly looked at me the room fell silent. Sure the party- goers were still competing with the thunderous bass and the whistles of the basketball game were blowing, but somehow in a venue that was probably over capacity, it was just us. Our gazes were locked in a heavy, electric moment of longing. My skin prickled with goosebumps as his energy excited every inch of my body. The weather wasn't responsible for the tightening of my nipples that were anticipating a familiar touch. I had to ground myself as my body was involuntarily gravitating toward him. I wanted to touch on him so bad that my fingertips twitched with need.

Approaching me was ambitious and my intuition was feeding off of his confidence. No matter how cool I was pretending to be I just knew he could see how eager my heart was. All of the thoughts that had plagued me since I'd ended our "situation" came rushing forward; I'd fought and pushed them away, but I wasn't able to completely get rid of them. I'd fantasized about meeting again; being together on different terms, setting better boundaries, and having honest and genuine communication.

Travis and I had shared nearly twelve months of very passionate sex, cozy comfortable cuddling, sweet texts when we'd missed each other, some deep conversations about personal shit, but no commitment.

Not even a little hint of a future.

It didn't matter how funny, how cute, or how amazing he was- circumstances like that weren't supposed to last forever. Falling in love with someone who was supposed to be "just sex" and having that shit be reciprocated simply didn't happen. Ever. We had ended things respectfully and on good terms; neither of us had ghosted the relationship, went batshit crazy and said regrettable things, or tried to deceive each other into thinking it was more than it was until all trust was lost. But because my feelings about the whole "relationship" weren't exactly bringing me peace, I ended things with him before he could end things with me. True, I might have been in love with the nigga... Shit, now that I've seen him again I might still be... But I had to let him go before I started to hate him. And I wasn't going to fall victim to my imagination making this moment kismet. Being hours away from our homes in the same damn city and just happening to be at the same damn day party didn't have to mean jack.

No, this wasn't fate, this moment was not "bound to happen", and "if it's meant to be, it will be" was a damn pipe dream for hopeless romantics. We couldn't just embrace and pretend that my foolish feelings hadn't forced us to separate.

"I'd like to." He said in a voice so quiet and unsure; almost like the admission made him nervous. A man who had actively chose not to talk about us, saying that. Was this really Travis Bradley?

My eyebrows lifted, "You'd like to what?"

I was going to need more words from him. He was in my face for a reason, but this time he'd really have to work for my attention. I had become a new woman in the past six months where I'd left all men, not just him, alone. I would need full disclosure up front.

"To know you." Travis, as I had known him, may have been distant and nonchalant, but he never bullshitted me. Still, it wasn't easy to forget how you'd given someone so much of your time, and they hadn't cared to get it right the first time. Even though the look in his eyes was earnest I was scared to believe him. The only reason this moment made sense was because I must've been looking good as shit. If we'd passed each other on an ordinary trip to the grocery store I might've gotten a friendly "hello"- that's it. Unless... nope. I wasn't going there. 

I sipped my drink before replying, "Travis, I am not here for all of that."

His brows scrunched and his head reared back, "Whatchu mean?"

"I mean that I'm not out here to find a lil bae."

With a frown still on his face he asked, "Who said I was looking for a lil bae, Kiera? We can't be friends?"

I laughed in his face. Not to be rude, but because a man asking to be friends after he'd been all up inside you was goddamn hilarious. He wasn't laughing though, in fact, he looked so unamused that I stopped, "You don't wanna be my friend, Travis."

He finally turned his body to face me, leaning only one elbow on the bar and giving me a full view of his tight chest and broad shoulders- he'd been in the gym too. I loved that. "Okay, since you know so much... what do I want?"

"To be inside of me." I answered his question without hesitation- like it was the most obvious thing on the planet, but after that had left my mouth, my stomach did a backflip and I had to take another sip to calm myself down.

It was his turn to laugh and my whole body warmed at the earthy sound of this fine-ass man enjoying a conversation with me, "I actually-,"

Travis wasn't able to finish his sentence as my girlfriends finally arrived. They approached me from my other side, chorusing my name and clamoring to the bar to request their own mimosas. I didn't want the conversation with Travis to end, but someone pulled me into a warm hug from behind and I couldn't not turn to greet them.

Tia smelled like cocoa-butter and vanilla. I turned to see her beautiful face and we shared giddy smiles, her bright chestnut eyes shone with excitement. She was the tallest out my friends, but never shied away from wearing stiletto sandals. Her curves were on display in a bright red, reptile pattern long-sleeved crop top and matching leggings. Her waist-length blonde locs were a nice contrast against her dark skin and draped behind her back.

Before I knew it our faces were on the front screen of Tia's phone, and she was recording a video of our happy embrace. Alicia and Mackenzie appeared in the background holding up their flutes as we all made a scene for Tia's social media followers for a few seconds.

"How was the drive down here, Kiki?" Mackenzie asked after the video had ended and we'd arranged ourselves into a small circle in front of the bar. She was looking lovely. Her dark and natural coils framed her face in a shoulder length style, her copper-toned cheekbones were dusted with pink blush and her full lips were glossy. She was wearing a tight mint-colored dress with no straps that stopped at her claves, and black heels that laced around her ankles, tied with a bow.

"You look so good Kenz." I complimented her, before responding to her question, "It wasn't a bad drive. I had a hard time wakin' up, not gonna lie."

Kenzie smiled brightly, "Thanks boo. This haircut looks fuckin great."

I gingerly touched one of my waves as I smiled my thanks.

"I'm so happy you came. We're about to have such a good time this weekend. You definitely deserve it, sis." Tia told me after taking a wholesome swallow of her mimosa. I nodded my head, "Girl, I definitely needed this."

I turned to the bar to retrieve my drink, but quickly decided to order another since that one had been left unattended. Before I ordered, I'd checked to see if Travis wanted to finish that sentence, but in that moment with my friends he'd dipped. The pitiful feeling of disappointment settled in my chest at not being able to finish our conversation, but it was probably for the best... I was six months into a penis hiatus and didn't need any disturbances in such a record-setting situation.

Once I received a new drink I turned back to my friends, "I missed y'all."

"Girl, you don't come out here enough... But real talk," Alicia spoke from beside me, while tucking her phone into her silver rhinestoned clutch. The black catsuit she was wearing accentuated her slim figure and her heels had a similar rhinestone strap that coordinated with her clutch perfectly. She flicked her straight bundles over her shoulder before continuing her sentence and pinning me with a curious look, her dark eyes filled with mischief, "Who was that you were talkin' to a minute ago? He was cute."

The dynamic of my friend group had changed a lot since we were in undergrad, where we'd became best friends. There used to be no anonymity in our love lives. We knew the wildest details about whoever any of us were seeing; what he looked like, how big his dick was, did it have a curve, what he said that made you smile, what he lied about, the exact time he didn't reply to a text but sent off a status from social media... Now, the girls and I were learning how to stay up to date while keeping it short and sweet with the information we shared about our boo things. It was better that way.

"Remember the guy I was messing around with before summer? The last penis I ever had?" I said with a fake sniffle. Since Travis and I were never serious, I'd only mentioned him in the group chat a few times.

"That was him? You cut him off? For real?" Kenzie was looking at me like I'd lost my damn mind.

Alicia's expression mirrored Kenzie's, "Wait, hold up. He's the one that fucked you into celibacy?"

I almost spit my drink, "Well when you put it that way...."

Alicia laughed while shaking her head, "I've never heard of anyone wakin' up after gettin' their back broke and deciding they, "don't wanna feel that good unless they're in love". You think too much. You couldn't just enjoy the dick?"

"Girl I did!" Some things couldn't be explained, but I'd try to, "I'm just ready for good sex, respect, and romance. I don't want some nigga making love to me if he's not in love with me, ya know?" I paused to see if they were hearing me... They weren't. Tia was shaking her head and scanning the room- maybe looking for him just to confirm that I had indeed lost my fucking mind. "He was just... Way too much to handle... But y'all, I don't wanna talk about feelings and penis at the day party, let's fuckin' drink."

"You're right, you're here to celebrate, not be feelin' regretful about givin' up that work." Kenzie lifted her flute into the center of our circle.

"I mean they was over here in each others faces... Maybe all hope is not lost and he'll be the one clearin' up the cobwebs." Tia teased.

I rolled my eyes and lifted my glass too, "Shut the hell up! I wanna be drunk and happy. Like, I'm really good off niggas right now... Plus, I can't just cheat on big daddy vibe."

"Ya vibrator!? Girl whateva..." We all giggled, because each of us had expressed that we were in relationships with our sex toys at one point or another. "Self love is the best love, cheers to that." Alicia quipped as we toasted to our reunion and... to self-love.

After that first mimosa disappeared, it was hard to keep track. Maybe we'd finished our fourth by the time the music started to sound too good and we were ready to hit the dance floor. We held each others hands as Tia led us through a pack of dancing bodies until we were close to one of the speakers by the DJ booth. Once we'd settled into a comfortable spot, we let loose. One thing about my group is we were always going to have a good time and hype each other up. One of us could be doing the fucking robot and then we'd all join in just for shits and giggles; we were a support system for when dancing with a nigga became too vigorous and you needed a friends hands or hips to hold onto... or to jump in and take your place, of course. It never took too long before our little quartet would grow to include other party-goers whether we were twerking or pretending to know how to hit the latest dance trends. The DJ wasn't missing any beats and we sang, rapped, and lip-synced along to most of the lyrics.

Unless the heels were killing my feet, I wasn't one to turn down a dance. If a man came around and gripped my waist gently or pulled me to him at just the right moment, I was definitely going to show him what my hips and ass could do. As the rapper harmonized about fucking in slow motion I was whining it up on a handsome gentleman, making sure to look back over my shoulder and give a little eye contact. Dancing in the club could turn into a damn performance if you wanted it to. Shit, I prided myself on providing a fantasy on the dance floor. By the time a song ended and I squeezed my partners hand to thank him for the dance, I'd also have to decline his request to put my number in his phone. And today there were a couple cuties who, in the past, would have had my number in a heartbeat.

The man behind me was putting in work for this dance. Our movements had become so raunchy that a few bystanders had stopped to watch; some people recorded us on their phones, and others were probably looking on and judging the shit out of me. I didn't care who was watching me, I was here because I'd deprived myself of a social life, and men for so long- shit, I needed this dance and all of the attention.

The champagne from the mimosa was preventing me from thinking straight. Me and dude were chest-to-chest. Our pelvises thrusting towards each other in a rhythm that matched the beat so perfectly- anyone would think the shit was choreographed. Handsome as he was, he was hardly my type, but I loved the way he matched my moves so well. There was a pillar next to the large, booming speaker beside us that he'd used as a crutch to steady himself during our little impromptu routine. Without much of a warning he'd swooped me into the air and turned us so that my back was against that pillar and my legs were wrapped around his waist. I giggled, totally tipsy and prepared to simulate riding him in the middle of the day party. I rolled my hips onto him and used my core muscles to slide up and down his midsection as he held me up in the air. My girlfriends started to record the shit too, so I bit my lip and concentrated on turning up my sexy for the camera.

The DJ must have spotted us and made sure to keep that track rolling since we were so into it, but it was becoming too much so I was glad when the next song finally rolled in and homeboy let me stand on my own two feet. I flashed him a cute smile before moving back to my friends, hoping that he'd take the hint- that our dance was as far as we'd go.

Alicia's phone was in my face in a matter of seconds, showing me the video that she'd taken of me. I was two-stepping in place, watching the video- totally impressed with my wild-ass, when suddenly I wasn't on the screen. Travis was.

"I'm sending this to myself." I announced, navigating to the share feature to send the video to my phone.

Travis looked fucking pissed. He was on the outside of the group that had formed around me and dude to hype us up. He was tall enough that he didn't have to try very hard to see what the deal was. Alicia had spotted him just as he was casually walking up. Even though I wasn't in the frame, the moment he'd spotted me bouncing around in the air his facial expression had gone from cool, maybe a little lit, to sheer annoyance. His golden complexion steadily darkened as Alicia panned the camera between my carefree ass and his bothered one. She'd made sure to zoom in on his peeved expression, getting close enough that I could see that his jaw was set in stone. His eyes didn't leave my direction as he drained the contents of his champagne flute. A moment later he nodded his head curtly, as if to say "bet" and then he moved away right before the dance, and the video ended.

I handed the phone back to Alicia. I was still trying to catch my breath from my little workout, and now I was breathing hard for other reasons.

I was going to need another fucking mimosa.

Authors note: thank you for reading chapter one! If you enjoyed the read and would like to see more please leave a vote and/or a comment.

~ Last summer ~

Wardrobe reform. That's what my weekend was dedicated to. My workout leggings and running shoes were nowhere near appropriate attire for the series of lectures on trending legal topics at Fulton University's law school. For three days straight I would be attempting to schmooze my way into a paid post-grad position. I needed A-line skirts and form-fitting blouses. I needed classy pumps to put these calves on display. I needed, "I'm a professional lawyer-to-be. Pleased to make your mother-fucking acquaintance." But so far, the items in the few bags I was carrying consisted of a graphic tee, two pairs of biker shorts, a midi dress and five g-strings. I was dropping the ball and my outfit budget was dwindling. 

I spotted an empty bench in the center of the malls corridor and moved to it while untangling my bags from my fingers to set them down before taking a seat beside them. I soon retrieved my phone from the bottom of my purse after rummaging for so long that I almost believed I'd lost it. The notifications I'd received since I'd entered the mall were less than thrilling; my classmates from the spring semester were active in the group chat and embroiled in a lengthy meme war, a few emails from the school about upcoming events, and the games on my phone were offering rewards for my attention. I bypassed all of that to dial my mother's number. 

"You finished shopping?" Was her greeting after a couple rings. 

"No, I'm still here and I can't find anything." 

"This is that last-minute shit that I tried to warn you about, Key." Lola Wright was about to start, but it was honestly what I needed- a little lecture on preparedness to get my head back on; I was so close to cancelling my lecture reservations. "A couple of years ago when you said you wanted to go into law, what did I tell you?" 

"You told me-,"

"I told you to start shopping and building your wardrobe. Now look at you, at the mall on a Sunday." She chided, "What can't you find?"

"Anything, mom. It's like proper clothes for work went out of style. Which is crazy because I swear that I've seen some nice, business clothes in here before." 

"No, you're just shopping in those little trendy shops. Let me guess, you still bought some shit, didn't you?"

I laughed, "That's classified." 

"Hmph," Was her initial response, "There's no Rachel West store in the mall? They sell women's and more business-professional-type clothing. You keep going to stores for teeny-bopper pieces and you're never going to find anything. Try to find a Trussell's. You can't tell me the mall only has clothes for kids these days."

She was right. I was wasting my time thinking that I could find adult outfits in the stores I'd been faithful to since I was 16. I'd seen some pretty nice items, but nothing I could build solid outfits from. "I think they do have those shops in here actually." The problem was that they were across the mall and I was already feeling a little exhausted, "Thanks, mom. How's your weekend going so far?" 

"You're welcome and try not to lock yourself into a look. If you're listening to me, get a few different things." She advised before shifting the conversation, "Your nephews are on their way over so I'm about to prepare some dinner and straighten up the guest room." 

"Aw," I cooed into the receiver while standing up from the bench and leaning over to retrieve my bags, "They're spending the night?" 

"Mhm, Kayla and Andrew are going on a date tonight. I offered to keep the kids so they can have the whole night to themselves." 

"Must be nice." I mumbled more to myself as I started walking towards a mall kiosk. 

My sister Kayla was a happily married woman of almost seven years. She was one of the lucky ones whose high school crush ended up being the love of her life... If being with the same man since your teenage years was luck... I personally was glad that I'd had a hoe phase. Still, I was glad she was happy, and I would never wish my dating failures and cyclical heartbreaks on anyone else. 

"You better focus on your education and goals. Take your time." 

I approached the kiosk and scanned the map and legend. "You're absolutely right. I'm only 23." I spotted Trussell's and moved from the kiosk to head in its direction, "I'm just saying it would be nice to have a date night and then a little something extra." I laughed. 

My mom tsked, "But imagine why your sister needs this. Those boys have been driving her batshit. You don't want to have to juggle kids and school. I can promise you that. I did that and it was worth it, but it was so hard." 

"I can imagine it wasn't easy. You're always putting things into perspective, mom." 

"That's what I'm supposed to do. Now get your ass over to Rachel West or Trussell's. I'm going to finish what I was doing. Let me know how it goes." 

"For sure. I love you."

"Love you more." 

Once the line was dead, I powered off my screen and slipped my phone into my purse. I was happy to get off the phone for my journey across the mall. Honestly, I was out of shape and even in that short moment of walking I was losing my breath trying to hold that conversation. When the semester was underway I had so many responsibilities and making time to go to the gym was not at the top of my list of priorities. Thankfully summer break would be a nice little reprieve-a good time to fit the gym into my routine. My summer load was lighter anyway; a job to pay the rent while I waited for my student loan refund, a 12-week internship, and as much of the dreaded networking as possible. 

I wasn't going to this lecture series because I wanted to. I was going because according to everybody: networking and knowing the right people were the keys to success. The problem is that I'm not much of a talker, so I've been in the mirror every morning practicing on my charm by doing anything to get over my awkwardness; holding intellectual conversations with myself, perfecting my smile, how my voice sounds when I introduce myself, constructing speeches while trying to look confident and avoiding "um" and "like". Taking myself seriously had been hard as hell at first, but I couldn't lie my confidence was peaking. Now, with a fresh install and the right outfits my main goal would be to show out and hopefully land some shit. 

The journey to Trussell's was filled with distractions. As usual, the food court was the destination for shoppers who had exhausted themselves-shopping bags and restaurant trays decorated the tabletops. Kids were cheerfully shouting just to hear their own voices echo throughout the corridor. Many of the shops that I passed by were too inviting; the perfume store emanating bliss as I passed by the entrance, the store with the lovely lingerie filling my head with images of a seductive evening in a five-star hotel, a high-end boutique with "shit-too-expensive-for-my-student-budget", and the shoe store with the pumps that I might have to double back for. 

The mall experience was unreal to me as a child. Mom used to bring me and Kayla to the mall, but we never ventured outside of Trussell's. My sister and I used to yearn for an adventure as mom would drag us past the entrance of the mall between the different departments. The sights and sounds coming from the corridor were always so fascinating, but never explored until we were allowed to hit the mall by ourselves or with friends. So, stepping across the threshold felt like a deviation into my past. Even though I wanted to explore what was outside of Trussell's as a kid, I was always enthralled by its vastness; and now as I reassessed the store from an adult perspective I was still impressed. The transition from spring to summer fashions was seen through the mannequin's outfits and the sizable sales posters hanging from the ceiling. I strolled through the children's department, my eyes flitting across outfits that made my baby fever spike... Until I made it to the stylish, affordable handbags and lavish perfumes that reminded me that I wasn't ready to share my precious coins just yet. 

"Oh."

As soon as I stepped into the women's section dedicated to workplace apparel my attention had been drawn to a tan houndstooth pantsuit. Without much delay my fingers crawled through the hangers looking for my size. I peeked up at the mannequin's exposed ankles and slim-fitting pants paired with a single-button blazer enclosing a solid white shirt. I envisioned chestnut-toned accessories as I hooked the outfit over my left arm while thanking God for my mother's life-saving recommendation. I stepped away from the racks and let my eyes scan across the other mannequin displays quickly realizing that I was about to have a field day inside of Trussell's. 

The cramp in my arm from holding up too many articles of clothing was the only indication I had that it was time to hit the dressing room. I had gone way over the maximum number of pieces that could be taken in at once, so I had start subtracting my least favorite outfits before I even got to see them on me. It was a hard decision, but finally I had narrowed down my top choices and was allowed access into the fitting room. Right behind the attendant's counter there was a round, beige-leather ottoman occupying an ample amount of space in front of a well-lit wall lined with ceiling to floor mirrors.

Inside of a private stall I took my time organizing the space. I paired up the pieces I planned to try on together, hung everything on the provided hangers, and tucked my purse and other shopping bags into a corner on the bench. The size of the dressing room was less than desirable, and I could already tell the lighting wasn't going to do me any favors. 

My oversized white tee came off first and the bone straight ends of a twenty-two-inch lace front dusted my lower back gently. I placed the shirt on-top of the shopping bags before unsnapping and wiggling out of my light-wash cutoffs while making sure they never touched the floor. Luckily, I'd had the foresight not to wear shoes with laces and my white slip-ons weren't hindering my flexibility. The shorts landed on top of the t-shirt and then I turned to the hanging clothing. 

It was only right that I try the houndstooth set on first. I slid my feet out of my slip-ons and performed a balancing act by using the top of my shoes to save my feet from the dressing room floor as I stepped into the pants. Once the button secured the fabric around my waist, I immediately looked at my reflection to make sure my senses weren't teasing me. 

And sure-enough I was poking back there. I couldn't help the squeal of excitement that the sight of my ass elicited. The way it was sitting in the tan pants made me want to get back in the gym so it would look this great in everything. I moved my hands to my knees and bent over to get the angles, a small "aye" slipping from between my lips while I twerked for myself in the mirror. As my little celebration filtered through the dressing room so did footsteps as someone occupied an empty stall. A little embarrassed by my antics, I moved to the thin white cotton shirt and pulled it off the hanger, slipping into it and the matching jacket in quick succession. The outfit wasn't stuffy and uncomfortable to stand in, but I wanted to practice moving in it, so I bent over to wiggle my feet back into my shoes before leaving out of the dressing room. 

The walk to the lobby further proved that I had picked the right sized garments. The motion in my arms and legs wasn't stiff and the crotch wasn't snatching, so I began deducting the outfits cost from my budget and thinking about the shoes in my closet. 

"Oh." 

There I was emoting out loud again. The embarrassment almost crippled me, but in my defense, I couldn't have known that I would round the corner to the previously empty lobby to see the man of my dreams sitting on the ottoman. He was leaning over with his elbows on the knees of his faded jeans, tattooed arms exposed in a white tee, looking dead at me under a perfect set of dark eyebrows. We were locked in. Taking each other in for longer than was really appropriate for two strangers in a dressing room. Everything about him had my temperature rising. The outfit that I was just noting as comfortable was suddenly too many pieces of clothing. I couldn't watch his eyes dart all around my figure, because I was too busy taking him in for myself. Supple beard, solid frame, relaxed yet confident posture, strong hands... 

My perusal halted on a colorful array of feminine shopping bags peeking out from the other side of his body; I thought about the woman who had entered the dressing room just moments ago, and then his whole presence... And then I looked away. 

I continued my trip to the center of the room, distracting myself by threading the single button on the blazer through its hole. It was difficult pretending not to be affected by all that fineness, but I was supposed to be checking myself out, not someone else's man. So, standing in front of the mirror I did that, but not without thinking that whoever he was waiting on was one lucky bitch. 

Once I was locked inside of my fitting room, I let out a deep sigh while stripping from my first choice. The lecture series was a three-day event, and I was satisfied with what I just had on. My next choice was much simpler, a solid pair of black slacks, a matching blazer, and a classy salmon-colored blouse to break up the blacks. Like the last suit that I'd picked, the fit was almost perfect. I was gearing up to take my walk to the big mirrors in the lobby when a nervous energy passed over me. 

Now, I could be a pussy and stay in the dressing room since I was mostly pleased with what I had on... 

That was my first mind. 

Homeboy in the waiting room was a little too fine. His gaze was a little too appreciative. His presence was a bit too overpowering. But it wouldn't go unnoticed if I never came out of the dressing room again. He'd definitely know I was ducking him and that cowardly-shit was not what these outfits were supposed to be giving. I was supposed to be confident, assured of myself... A whole grown ass woman. 

I stepped from behind my fitting room door, pleased to see I was following his lady friend to the waiting area. 

Great. 

So, his attention would be where it's supposed to be, and I could go about my business in peace. There was, of course, a tinge of disappointment however as we emerged from the woman's fitting rooms and his eyes lit up at the sight of the girl in front of me. 

"What do you think?" She asked him, pausing in her stride which almost led to me crashing into her.

My hands rose to my chest in shock, "Oh, excuse me."

She startled and turned around, locking eyes with me. She had a soft chocolate gaze, that matched an even softer voice as she responded to me, "Shit, my bad. I didn't know anyone was behind me."

"No, girl. That's my bad," I said laughing a little to ease the awkwardness, "I'm all in your business." Checking out your man and shit.

She laughed and moved to the side so that I could walk past her. My face was burning with nerves, but I tried to be cool as I moved to the other side of the room. My gaze skipping towards Mr. Fine on the couch, who was now looking at me again with amusement before I averted my gaze to the floor as I finished my journey across the room. I was trying to take subtle deep breaths, as I adjusted my outfit, all the while being nosey and eavesdropping on their conversation. 

She was wearing the same black suit as me and had the audacity to say, "I think this looks so boring. I wanna stand out." 

"You wanna go to an interview lookin' like Barney." 

"What's wrong with wanting to leave a lasting impression, Travis?" She asked, also standing in the mirror admiring herself. The suit was really flattering on her. Not knocking how it fit me, but she was taller than me and long-legged individuals had a way of wearing anything like it was made just for them. 

"Listen to me. There are things you wear to an interview and things you wear on your first day." He was shaking his head and I could tell he was exasperated with her. He'd probably been repeating that since they walked in. 

As if he was looking for me to confirm that bit of common-sense, his eyes moved to mine in the mirror. Caught paying more attention to them than the way I was looking in the suit, I dropped my gaze, smoothing my hands over the blazer. When she replied to him and he responded I looked back up. Just as his eyes moved back to me. 

No, for real?

I twisted and turned in the mirror, wanting to ignore this totally disrespectful shit, but also... enjoying it. We were playing tag with our eyes. Quick, heated glances at each other's reflection, then somewhere else, and then accidently catching each other again. Each time our gazes locked my heart would pound my rib cage; my stomach would do the wave. I felt alarm, lust, and... fear. 

She was trying so hard to get him to agree that the black suit was trash, and he wasn't having it, telling her, "Yo, you look nice and professional." 

"But I'm going to need my first day outfit too, so you might as well cop both now." 

"No fucking way cuz you can't be trusted." He started to laugh, "We'll come back after you land the internship." He ignored her pouting face to peek at his phone, before stealing another quick peek at me as I passed them on my way back to the dressing room. 

She was too young for him. 

I wasn't claiming to be a sophisticated older woman just quite yet. Shit, I just called up my mom for shopping advice. But he definitely looked older than me. He was a grown man, and she was giving college freshman vibes. I couldn't lie I was turned off. 

First, by the disrespect of looking at me while he was with his girl. 

Trash ass niggas.

Second, the fact that she was a damn baby who didn't even know how to dress for an interview. 

I was content with using those excuses to dissolve my small momentary crush, except as soon as the girl thought I was out of earshot she spoke again. 

"I can't wait to tell mom you were more interested in looking at that girl than helping me pick out an interview outfit. I mean why even offer to bring me here if you're gonna be distracted the whole time?" It was her turn to be exasperated, "I deserve the magenta outfit for having to witness that horny shit." 

The nerves were back. The game was different. They're siblings. I was hoping sis had one more outfit to put on, so that I could be in his presence one last time since I was on my final pick... And luckily, I'd saved the best for last. It was a navy plaid suit accented with chestnut details on the pockets and elbows. The jacket would cover my ass, but the outfit was stately and my favorite. I was in it in moments, fluffing a navy ruffled tie-neck blouse and opting to leave the buttons of the jacket undone. 

Moments later I was in front of the floor-to-ceiling mirror expecting a fairytale.

Plot twist. 

Mr. Fine's tall-ass was casually pacing the waiting room area behind the couch; wireless earbuds plugged into his ears, eyes glued to his phone, paying me absolutely no mind. 

In my imagination, after the discovery that he wasn't with a girlfriend, but his little sister... I was expecting a pick-up line... A casual comment about the weather or the cringey music filtering from the department store's speakers. Something... After the way we played footsie with our eyes I wasn't wrong in fantasizing about a first date. A meeting in my bedroom. Making a nigga breakfast. 

It was difficult to care about how the outfit looked when really, I just wanted that man's attention, but I forced my thoughts to focus on myself. It was cute. It wasn't stuffy. I shrugged out of the jacket and folded it over my arm so I could make sure the pants were fitting appropriately-they were. 

His sister emerged from the fitting room donning her regular clothes, "That looks really good on you." She complimented.

Since we were the only ones in the space, I turned to her, "Thanks so much," I said giving her a wholesome smile while wishing her brother had been half as forward. 

"No problem, girl." She said while moving to her bags. He had removed his eyes from his phone long enough to detect her presence and was taking his earbuds out while moving to help with the bags. 

Still smiling I gave myself one more onceover in the mirror, feeling confident with this pick and the other two. I was satisfied and ready to wrap up my trip. 

"We all finished here?" He asked her, his smooth voice drawing my attention as I gave him one more glance through the mirror. 

She was replying to him, but he wasn't hearing a thing she said because we were sharing a moment that felt deeper than a casual attraction. It was fleeting but seemed to last forever. Uncomfortably intense, but safe and strong. My gut feeling was already stirring up an opinion, just based on a look. We wanted each other, but the timing just wasn't right. Not in a dressing room, not in front of his little sister, and definitely not at the beginning of summer. Who wanted to fall in love before the season of pool parties and day clubs? So, I was satisfied leaving this moment here to reflect on later. Being attracted to someone who you'd likely never see again was always bittersweet.