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Not Without A Fight

Chapter 10                        Heavy Lifting Part 2

Operation Win Evangeline is now in full swing.  I signed up for dance classes and find that I enjoy them. Wow look at all I have been missing!  It surprises me that I don’t have two left feet after all.

The Symphony Orchestra has started their season and so I checked with Evangeline for her schedule and purchased tickets for at least one of the performances.  I drove to Philadelphia one weekend that I had Peter and purchased tickets for the ballet and opera.  While there of course I had to take Peter to the ball field even though the team wasn’t in town that weekend.  Fortunately they had tours of the stadium on that particular day and I walked around it explaining everything to Peter.  Of course he didn’t understand but it was still fun to share that with my son.

For the past three months I have wined and dined Evangeline.  We have gone dancing and to ballet performances.  We continue to have brunch on most Sundays and I still stop by her apartment at least twice a week in the evenings to help bathe and put Peter to bed. He loves for you to read to him before bed and I find that I enjoy that so much too.

I moved into another apartment so that Peter will have his own room.  As it would happen it’s in the same building as Evangeline’s apartment so that I don’t have to travel far to visit my son.  It warms my heart that he recognizes me, and smiles and reaches for me.  It makes me feel so special.  I wish that I can have him with me all of the time.  I’m working on making that a reality.

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What is this with the three-month intervals?  It seems like every three months something major happens with John and me.  It’s been three months since John and I had the conversation about what he must do for us to have a committed relationship.  To my pleasant surprise he has really ‘stepped up to the plate’ on doing all of the things that I listed.  He has even gone above and beyond.  I can’t believe that he actually called my mother and talked with her about him and me and how he wants a life with me.  He talked with her about the conversation that she had with him right after I had the baby and he stressed that he wanted to keep the lines of communications open with her.  My mother told me later that she was very impressed with John’s sincerity.  Even with all of the progress I am still a bit hesitant but it has nothing to do with John, it has to do with me.  

If I allow John back in my life then that’s it for me.  John is it for me.  I can love him until I die.  I guess that I’m scared to love again.  Scared to get hurt again but if I don’t try I won’t get my happy life and I want that.  I want that for me and for Peter and for John.  I knew long ago that John was it for me so when it didn’t work out for us the first time I was shaken.  I told the truth when I said to him that if I knew that there was a chance for us that I would stick with him forever.  So why not go for it.  He’s doing what I asked of him and why should I string him along like a puppeteer pulling his strings.

Peter’s teething, talking and trying to walk.  He’s now nine months old.  His first word was ‘dada’ and John was over the moon when he heard it.  Peter is a happy baby and loves his mother and father.  John spends most weekends with him and we still have brunch on Sunday. Believe it or not I am happy too. John has grown emotionally and has exhibited love to both Peter and me and you can also tell that he feels comfortable in his own skin now.  So what am I waiting for?  I have no more excuses for delaying in giving John what he wants.  He has told me on more than one occasion that he wants me.  As the Nike slogan says, ‘just do it’.  Even with my past less than virtuous behavior I was raised to do right and so I have returned to making certain that I pray before making any major decisions.  I received an answer and now I just have to act on it. 

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I have noticed a change in Evangeline in the last three months. I have done the things that she asked and more.  I have told her on several occasions that I want her.  I want to marry her.  I didn’t actually propose but I did tell her that I want to marry her and have a life with her and Peter.  She hasn’t said that she wants the same but I won’t give up. I did that before and I won’t make that same mistake again.  She’s worth whatever I have to do and how ever long I have to wait to have her as my wife.  She’s it for me.

Peter is doing so much these days.  He has teeth; he’s talking; and now trying to walk.  His first word was ‘dada’.  I was so elated and I was smiling for days because of that.  I’m sure that it didn’t sit too well with Evangeline but she didn’t say anything about it.  She just seemed happy that he had started to talk.  She stopped nursing soon after Peter cut his first teeth because he kept biting her nipple. Evangeline wasn’t too disappointed she said because she at least was able to nurse him for six months.

Finally my workday has ended and I’m on my way to my apartment to shower and change and head to Evangeline’s apartment for dinner.  Since I visit at least twice a week in order to spend time with Peter, Evangeline asked me to have dinner with them on my visit days.  I enjoy this time together tremendously because it looks like a family dinner to me.  That’s what I want, for us to be a family. After dinner tonight and after we put Peter to bed I will ask Evangeline if she’s ready to commit to me. Arriving at her door on time I knock and she opens the door with a big smile on her face.  Well the evening is starting on a good note and so I shall be encouraged that it will also end on one.

“Come on in John.  Peter is entertaining me with his singing.  We have a virtuoso in our mist.  Sit and listen.”

I hear the music on the radio and then hear Peter trying to sing with the music.  Of course we do not understand anything that he’s saying but he continues as long as the music plays.  I just sit and listen to him as he stands trying to walk while holding on to the furniture.  Evangeline is in the kitchen finishing dinner and Peter and I are in the living room.  Evangeline brings the food into the dining room and I move to pick up Peter and Evangeline turns and gasps.  I look at her to see why she gasped and she’s looking at Peter.  I turn to look at Peter and see that he has let go of the sofa and is walking toward the dining room table where Evangeline is standing.  I am stunned still and just watch him continue to walk to Evangeline.  He makes it there and she picks him up and kisses and squeezes him.  He turns and looks back at me and I walk to him and while Evangeline still has him in her arms I hug him and her and squeeze them both and kiss Peter on his temple. He then kisses both of us on the cheek.  We all go to the kitchen to wash our hands and then Evangeline puts Peter in his high chair and we sit down for dinner.

“Wow wasn’t that something.  He just let go of the sofa and walked.  I know that I gasped and I’m glad that I didn’t scare him and cause him to stop walking.  Our little boy walked today John. I’m glad that you were here to see it first hand.  I know that I would have been disappointed if I had missed that.”

“Yes I am glad that I was here too.  He is growing so much right before our eyes.  It’s amazing to see.”

“Yes it is. John after we put Peter to bed can you stay after for a little while, I want to talk with you about something.”

“Sure I can stay and I want to talk with you about something too.”

“Good that’s settled.  Let’s eat.”

Dinner went well and all enjoyed the food.  Peter walked around a little more and tired himself out so we had not problem bathing him and getting him to bed.  He was even too sleepy for a book tonight.  We went back and sat on the sofa to talk.

“John I want to tell you that I have noticed that you are doing all of the things that I asked you to do to win my trust and I also see the love that you show to me. I also noticed that I have not given you any indication that my opinion of you has changed since three months ago.  You probably think that I will never want you in my life again but that is not true.  I’m scared John.  I’m scared to let you back in my heart.  You’re it for me John.  If I let you back in I won’t ever let you go again.  I will love you until I die.”

“Evangeline, oh my love, don’t be afraid.  You’re it for me too.  I want a life with you.  I want to marry you.  And don’t think that this is just because of Peter.  Of course he is a part of the reason but not all of the reason.  I love you Evangeline. I will love you until I breathe my last breath.  Let me back in your heart and I will take such good care of it. Please.”

I didn’t know if I would get another opportunity to do this so I get on my knee before her and take the ring box out of my pocket and say,

“Evangeline will you marry me?  I love you.  I love you so much and I want a life with you.”

I sit and look at John and see the love in his eyes and reply,

“Yes, yes John I will marry you.”

I put the ring on her finger and stand and pull her up with me and kiss her tenderly.  I hold her and bask in the joy of having her in my arms again.  But it won’t be like before.  I won’t take her love for granted.  I will learn from my past mistakes and not make them again.  I have regained her love and trust but it took work on my part that I realize I was glad to do. So now here we are together and better than ever before.  I’ve made my way back into her heart but ‘not without a fight’.

THE END